procyonlotor
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Joined 05-09-11, id: 2907885, Profile Updated: 07-19-17
Author has written 2 stories for Hellsing, and Naruto.

I like my popes Catholic and my bears brown.

I really like squash. You know, the gourd.

I re-read my stories every now and then and laugh at how hilarious I am.

Believe it or not but I am actually working on a bit of a re-write of Housekeeping. Sort of. Kind of. Not really. Maybe something similar. It's been six years since I wrote it and I haven't written much since (coughatallcough) and I think I'm a bit shit now. But I have nothing better to do. And I think it'll be a good way to shake off the dust. SO, look forward to it, you one or two people who maybe still like it and want more!

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Master of Polygamy by SirIntegrity reviews
Every single pairing with Alucard is wrong. In this story, Alucard explains to Pip why and what he actually does. AxIxSxWxAAxP
Hellsing - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,565 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 11 - Published: 1/18/2012 - Alucard, Pip - Complete
Why Crossovers Just Don't Work In Hellsing by The Karnstein reviews
Several short stories where Hellsing is mixed with another franchise and how it blows up before anything can even start up.
Hellsing - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,107 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/31/2011 - Integra
Girl Talk by The Karnstein reviews
One of the many reasons why Seras and Integra never talk about boys, or relationships.
Hellsing - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,836 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 12 - Published: 1/17/2011 - Integra, Seras - Complete
Catholics Are People, Too by ProbableImpossibilities reviews
Maxwell wrote a five-paragraph, English-class-type persuasive letter to all you Hellsing fan-fiction authors. He got a B- on it.
Hellsing - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 707 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 12 - Published: 8/7/2010 - Enrico - Complete
The Birds & the Bees and a Bottle of Whiskey by Lion in the Land reviews
It's Sex Ed. time at Hellsing Manor.
Hellsing - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,124 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 7 - Published: 12/18/2009 - Seras, Pip - Complete
Alucard and Me by Arcturus reviews
Alucard. One of the most sinister vampires out there, and yet on the side of humans. He slays freakish undead. He protects helpless humans. And now, he faces the challenges of everday life!
Hellsing - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 789 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/15/2003
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Housekeeping reviews
When one has a mansion, one must also have a maid. "So do I get a sexy uniform, or what?"
Hellsing - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 24,013 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 6/21/2011 - Published: 5/11/2011
Spare Hours of Dog Days reviews
The Akatsuki is a strange place, full of strange people. Naturally, they have strange conversations. DRABBLE: you'll finish it before you have time to lose interest.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 902 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 6/2/2011 - Published: 5/18/2011 - Akatsuki