I have not been on Fanfiction for a while now, so yeah. Welcome to my shitty profile! :D

(What am I doing with my life)

But yes, I tried my hand at writing and couldn't really keep up with it, but of course that was 5 years ago. I may try again. I'm horribly Gary sue.

I'm more of a reviewer, or perhaps a beta. Meh. Point is, I read. A lot. Its actually all I do because I'm lonely and have no friends.

(No seriously what is wrong with me.)

So yeah, drop me a message if you've got any questions.

... kk I'll just go

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going

to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of

the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,

I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and

break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,

in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something

to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth

and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt

on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that

spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if

a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told

you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this

world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting likeyour father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less

fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get

home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when

you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing

your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I

know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your

toes, don't come running to me. "

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your

vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do

you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll

understand."

And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll

have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! We fucked up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

"Let me get this straight. I just tried to kill a bunch of little kids. My wife is dead. My unborn child is dead. The man who raised me is trying to kill me, and he got me stuck in this stupid suit that makes me sound like a freak. And you think a cookie will make up for it all?"

Someone hands Darth Vader the cookie.

He throws it in their face.

Someone gives him two cookies.

"Now this is about fair!"