There once was a man from Nantucket,

who got his head stuck in a bucket.

I am not that man from Nantucket,

For I would not get my head stuck in a bucket.

There once was a girl who ate curds and whey,

One who could not, under any circumstances, keep spiders at bay.

I am not, I must say, a fan of curds and whey,

And just one of my looks keeps a spider at bay.

There once were three pigs that were all arcitects.

A wolf came along a blew two of their houses to specks.

I know no pigs that are architects,

Nor any wolves who can blow houses to specks.

There once were two kids who were too fond of sweets,

A witch gobbled them up as tasty little treats.

I must say I am rather fond of sweets,

But no witch shall eat my behind as a treat!

There once was a girl who skipped through the woods,

While a wolf watched in glee as he spotted her basket of goods.

Why would I skip alone through the woods?

And there better be no wolf watching my basket of goods!

There once was a girl who took a pumpkin to a ball,

She lost her glass shoe in a nasty fall.

It's not pumpkin season by me and there is no ball,

I'll not wear glass shoes because then I'm sure to fall!

There once was a girl in love with Severus Snape,

Who sucked at closing tortillas and was tempted to use tape.

Dang, you got me, I love Severus Snape,

And I can't close tortillas for the life of me - so I am tempted to use tape!