This is going to piss a lot of people off and thats kind of why I'm saying this and the other part is because it's true: TEAM JACOB!

I would much rather be a shapeshifter than a vampire!

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1: At lunch time, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dry at passing cars; see if they slow down

2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.

3: Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that

4: Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"

5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso

6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS"

7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy"

8: Dont use any punctuation

9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking

10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face

11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO"

12: Sing along at the opera

13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical sounds all day

15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party cause you don't 'feel like it'

16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom"

17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON, I WON"

18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives they're loose"

19: Tell your children (or younger sibling) that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"

20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile!

The Stupid Test! (Put an x next to the one that is you, than in the end, add up all of the x's. if you have 21 or less, than you are not stupid.) P.S. this is not a real test, just something for fun!

(x) Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.

(x) Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were not talking.

( ) You have run into a glass/screen door.

(x) You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.

(x) You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.

~total= 4

(x) You have run into a tree.

(x) It IS possible to lick your elbow

( ) You just tried to lick your elbow.

(x) You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star have the same rhythm.

( ) You just tried to sing them.

(x) You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.

(x) You have choked on your own spit.

( ) You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it.

(x) You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice

(x) You just looked at it.

( ) Your hair is blonde/dirty blonde/has blonde in it.

(x) People have called you slow.

~total so far= 12

(x) You have accidentally caught something on fire

( ) You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes/cheek.

(x) You have caught yourself drooling.

(x) You’ve fallen asleep in class

( ) If someone says “fart” you laugh.

( ) You just laughed.

~total so far= 15

(x) Sometimes you just stop thinking

(x) You tell a story and forget what you were talking about

(x) People are often shaking their heads and walking away from you

(x) You are often told to use your “inside voice”.

(x) You use your fingers to do simple math.

~total so far= 20

( ) You have eaten a bug.

(x) You are taking this test when you should be doing something important

(x) You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it

(x) You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand, pocket, head, etc.

~total so far= 23

( ) You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t even when you know it won’t happen to you.

(x) You break a lot of things.

( ) Your friends know not to use big words around you

(x) You sometimes tilt your head when you’re confused

(x) You have fallen out of your chair before

(x) When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling

~Total all together= 27

YOUR GUY SIDE:

(x)You love hoodies.

( )You love jeans.

(x)Dogs are better than cats.
(x)It's hilarious when people get hurt.
(x)You've played with/against boys on a team.
(x)Shopping is torture.
(x)Sad movies suck.
( )You own/ed an X-Box.
(x)Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
( )At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
(x)You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
( )You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
( )You watch sports on TV.
( ) Gory movies are cool.
( )You go to your dad for advice.
( )You own like a trillion baseball caps.
(x)You like going to high school football games.
( )You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
(x)Baggy pants are cool to wear.
(x)It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
(x)Green, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
(x)You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
( )Sports are fun.
(x)Talk with food in your mouth.
( )Sleep with your socks on at night

TOTAL: 14

YOUR GIRL SIDE:

( )You wear lip gloss/chapstick.
( )You love to shop.
( )You wear eyeliner.
( )You wear the color pink
(x)Go to your mom for advice.
( )You consider cheerleading a sport.
( )You hate wearing the color black.
( )You like hanging out at the mall.
( )You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
( )You like wearing jewelry.
( )Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe
( )Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
(x)You don't like the movie Star Wars.
( )You were in gymnastics/dance.
(x?)It takes you around/ more one hour to shower. (I'm a guy, Take a guess at why...[snickers] I have a dirty mind), (Oh yah because of the text to the left idk if I should count this)*
( )You smile a lot more than you should.
( )You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
( )You care about what you look like.
( )You like wearing dresses when you can.
(x)You love the movies.
( ) Used to play with dolls as little kid.
( )Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
( )Like being the star of every thing.

TOTAL: 4(or three*)

My list of the 25 things to do to Edward Cullen:

1. When he tries to read my mind, think of a disturbing image

2. Poke him . . . alot.

3. Say "You will die in 7 days!"

4. Start barking at him.

5. Show him all my besties.

6. Say, "Hey. Hey, hey, Edward?" He'll go, "What?" Start again, "Hey, hey, hey, hey Edward!" He'll say "WHAT?" Go "FIRE!" And he'll scream, trust me.

7. Tell him "I fight fire with fire, but the vampires just burn faster."

8. Put him on the computer to play the Moron Test.

9. Get together with Emmett and Jasper and make up a new list.

10. Kidnap Bella.

11. Show him a copy of Twilight.

12. Then read him New Moon.

13. Watch Eclipse.

14. Obsess over Breaking Dawn.

15. Wear a Team Jacob shirt.

16. Put on a Team Jasper pin.

17. Wear a Team Alice hat.

18. Wear a Team Emmett bracelet.

19. When he ask why you don't wear a Team Edward shirt, say "WHO?

20. Call him and ask for the Volturi.

21. Steal his Volvo only to drive it off a dock.

22. Go to the New Moon movie and ask him why Robert Pattinson doesn't brush his hair.

23. Act stupid.

24. State the obvious.

25. Sing badly, and loudly.

Sometimes you just have to smile and walk away . . . hold your tears in and pretend you are okay

I am not stupid, I'm speechless.

JUDGE ME and I'll prove you wrong.

When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.

People who don't know me think i am QUIET; people who do wish I was... hehe

OMG the rain's wet!

To be OLD AND WISE you first have to be YOUNG AND STUPID!

A word to the WISE ain't necessary... its the stupid that need the advice

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to "Woman Hitler"?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

I am amazed at radio DJs today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.

Love your enemies! It really pisses them off.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

Smile. It confuses people.

Americans worship money. I have been looking for God all my life, and he is right in my pocket.

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

A day without sunshine is like...night.

Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled...Now where the heck am I?

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently, you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

I've been to the dark side, they lied about the cookies!

who ever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.

life isn't about waiting for the STORM to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork.

Of all the things I've lost... I miss my mind the most.

Of course I'm talking to myself; Who else can I trust?

Don't follow me I'm lost too.

At least I don't CARE what those mindless people think of me.

It's always in the last place you look... of course it is! WHY would I keep looking AFTER I found it?

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!

Haha. I don't get it.

A good friend will come bail you out of jail. A best friend will be in the next cell saying,"Let's do it again!!"

So what if we act like immature idiots? We're having fun.

If at first you don't succeed then sky diving isn't for you.

Those who throw objects at the crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.

Set sail in a general...THAT WAY direction.

Poke me. I dare you.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. I agreeNo wait I don't, no I do, GAH!

You cry. I cry. You laugh. I laugh. You jump off a cliff. I laugh even harder.

I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you did.

When life gives you lemons, chuck them at the people you hate.

Danger: The person beside you is stupid.

It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full,just drink it and get it over with.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone.

This world is full of crazy people.THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER!!

Definition of homework-crude form of mind control still practiced in some primitive areas of the world

WARNING:Do NOT follow in my footsteps... I walk into walls and off the occasional cliff.

I'm here because Heaven wouldn't take me, and hell was afraid I'd take over.

I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?

Whenever you feel pissed off at someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Did you know... Sarcasm is your body's natural defense against stupidity.

Have you seen my sanity? I seem to have lost it.

Paper may beat rock but cannon ball make big hole in paper.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Parents spend the first parts of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

How are the force and duct-tape the same?- Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

What happens when you get scared half to death twice?

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade!

The sun has set the moon has risen, today's the day we get out of prison!!

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

When life gives you lemons squirt them in life's eyes, then run far, far away.

Who was the first person to look a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt"?

When French people swear, do they say pardon my English?

"Most people learn by observation, and there are a few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot."
- Anonymous

If technically after midnight it's morning, then why do we call it the middle of the night? Shouldn't we call it something like early morning

If you probably need a life but have no intentions of getting one, put it on your profile.

"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda."

I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned.

"The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"He who laughs last didn't get it."

Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

-When angry, count to ten. When very angry, swear.

-Education is important; school however, is another matter.

-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

-High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

-Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Sometimes I wonder "why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

"Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you."

You know you live in 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/LiveJournal/MySpace/Facebook.
4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.
7. As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
8. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.
9. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.
10. You were too busy to notice number five.
11. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.
12. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.
13. Put this in your pro if you fell for it. You know you did. (Yup, every SINGLE time!)

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile

If you get way to excited for books, movies, etc. to come out, copy this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

When life hands you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

When life hands you lemons, throw 'em back and demand Bella Swan.

I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.

Your shin (n): a device used to find furniture in the dark

Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum?

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was. (he he. It's true)

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

If you try to control your thoughts because Edward might hear them, copy and paste to your profile.

If you are a walking, talking Twilight series encyclopedia and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile.

Don't Like My "Twilight" Obbsession?
Bite Me.

And finally... who thinks that this is one of the longest profiles that they've ever had the pleasure of scrolling past? XD

Or reading. And if you've read it, then congratulations- I have just wasted about half an hour of your life. Seriously. Look at the clock. I know. Time flies, doesn't it?

Thanks you Stephaniiie for the last 2 lines. Really, though, look at the clock.