- Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.

- Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

- I used all my sick days, so I called in dead...

- They say, "Guns dont kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the gun helps, because if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG" I dont think you'd kill too many people.

- So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?

- Save the Earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

- When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because, I mean, really? Who likes lemons?

- When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

- When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

- Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

- The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.

- If electricity comes from electrons, where do you think morality comes from?

- Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking leeches?

- You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

- Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable. But that is called 'cannibalism' my dear children, and it is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

-Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

- If it looks like a duck, smells like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's either a duck or someone under Polyjuice.

- Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

- Come to the Dark Side... we have cookies!

- One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

-The statistics of insanty is that 1 of every 4 people have a mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

- Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.-

- The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

- Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

- What happens if you get scared half to death twice? That's a really good question... I wonder...

- Do not take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

- Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

- Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

- I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.

- I'm not random, I just have many tho- OOH, LOOK! A SQUIRREL!

- Please: Don't throw your cigarette butt's on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

- Warning: Trespassers will be shot, Survivors will be shot again.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. When you argue with yourself and LOSE is when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe that straight, gay, bi, and lesbian people are all equal and entitled to their beliefs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can freak someone out just by glaring at them, copy and paste this on your profile. (I have been told numerous times it's extremely creepy when I glare at someone... another characteristic I share w. Snape! :3)

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile