Hey Everyone!! Here’s more than you ever wanted to know about me, but I’m telling you anyway!

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Name: Max Brown

Age: 14

Favorite color: GREEN!! Or yellow. Or blue. Or brown. Or black. Or, sometimes, when the mood strikes me, red.

Favorite books: Harry Potter books by J. K. Rowling, Twilight books by Stephenie Meyer, The Host by Stephenie Meyer, Maximum Ride books by James Patterson, the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare, The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, plus a ton more which I could list here but don’t really have the time or energy to. Or that I am quite as obsessed with.

Favorite movies: Across the Universe, Harry Potter movies (not really, but I like them because of the books), Lord of the Rings movies, Stardust, Notting Hill

Favorite actor: JIM STURGESS!!

Favorite animal: Cats win by a nose over dogs. But hey, I love all animals. Except ostriches. And emus. They’re evil. Trust me. I know from personal experience. Don’t mess with either of those two if you don’t plan on dying prematurely.

Favorite food: CHOCOLATE!! MUST...HAVE...CHOCOLATE!!

Favorite Play: Wicked.

Favorite car: NISSAN AAAAAAAAAALTIMA!! (Don’t ask.) Or a yellow Corvette. Scratch that. Any yellow sportscar will do.

Favorite language: Me gusta el español! (And English. You never know when you’ll need English, like, every day...)

Favorite songs: Anything by the Beatles, anything by the Dixie Chicks, 100 Years by Five for Fighting, Waiting on the World to Change by John Mayer, New Soul by Yael Naim, Mr. Pitiful by Matt Costa, anything from Wicked, Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T’s, Every Time We Touch by Cascada, Because of You by Kelly Clarkson...I could go on...

Instrument: Piano. And kind of voice. Not really. But it helps when I’m writing music.

Hobbies: Hmm...well, I guess, making jewelry. Writing songs. Reading. Studying quantum physics (long story). Going to parties (okay, I guess that’s not a hobby so much as it is something I enjoy). Reading fan fiction (I know, shocker, huh).

Favorite pencil: Dixon Ticonderoga. Soft. (Again, don’t ask.)

Life’s aspiration: To become an exceedingly successful card counter at blackjack (see the movie 21 if you need explanation). I’ve learned how, at least. That’s a start. But if not that, then I want to become a chocolate taste tester for Ghiradelli. Or a teacher. Or a singer-songwriter. Or an actress. Or a writer. Or a scientist. Or a bum who sits in front of a computer all day reading books and fan fiction and is somehow able to make enough money to live comfortably. So clearly, I haven’t given it much thought.

Favorite guy in a book: Fang or Jace. Jace or Fang. Huh. They both totally kick Edward's butt.

SERIOUSLY READ THIS:

In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that stuff up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh dang it, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!

Favorite Quotes:

“Chocolate is life. It just lets everyone else live in it.” –me

"Ever stop to think and forget to walk again?" -annonymus

"Happiness is just around the corner!" Person #1
"Too bad the world is round!" -Person #2

"I vill now destroy da snickahs bahrs!" -Gazzy

"I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -Iggy

"We were in a top-secret facility in the middle of Death Valley, officially called 'Freaking Nowhere' on any map, and yet he managed to produce marshmallows." -Max

"Rawr!" -Fang

"I had never, ever wanted to kill anyone more, not even last summer when Iggy had shredded my only, favorite pair of non-Goodwill pants to make a fuse long enough to detonate something from fifty feet away." -Max

"The point is, Simon drank one of those blue drinks - I told him not to, but he didn't listen - and he turned into a rat." -Isabelle
"A rat? You don't mean..." -Clary
"I mean a rat. Little. Brown. Scaly tail." -Isabelle
"The Clave isn't going to like this. I'm pretty sure turning mundanes into rats is against the Law." -Alec
"Technically, she didn't turn him into a rat. The worst she could be accused of is negligence." -Jace
"Who cares about the stupid law? My best friend is a rat!" -Clary

"In the dictionary, next to the word stress, there is a picture of a midsize mutant stuck inside a dog crate, wondering if her destiny is to be killed or to save the world." -Max

"Why was the blind guy playing with matches, you ask? Because he's good at it." -Max

"Yeah, Camp Bummer. For wayward mutants." -Fang

"You know what I like about New York? It's full of New Yorkers who are freakier than us." -Gazzy

"I must have cookies." -Max

"Children of the Nephilim. Well, well. I don't recall inviting you." -Magnus Bane
"I have an invitation. These are my friends." -Isabelle
"I must have been drunk. Come in. And try not to murder any of my guests." -Magnus Bane

"My favorite? The Institute for Realizing Your Pet's Inner Potential. Anyone who can explain that to me, please drop a line." -Max

"Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234." -Jace

"I don't know about the rest of you who have little voices, but something about mine made me feel compelled to listen to it." -Max

"We could make traps! Do sabotage! Bombs!" -Gazzy
"Bombs are good! I love bombs!" -Iggy

"Let's get out of here. A Ouija board just told me to save the world." -Max

"You like the party?" -Magnus Bane
"Is it in honor of anything?" -Clary
"My cat's birthday." -Magnus Bane
"Oh. Where's your cat?" -Clary
"I don't know. He ran away." -Magnus Bane

"Can you giggle while racing for your life and protecting a six-year-old? I can." -Max

"If you were half as funny as you thought you were, my boy, you'd be twice as funny as you are." -Madam Dorothea

"Nah - this is too original for Hollywood. They do sequels." -Max

"How did they even know we were up here? Who looks up into a tree?" -Gazzy

"In this store, he'd exchanged his basic black ensemble for a slightly different basic black ensemble." -Max

"Hmm. Clear vainilla notes, too sweet chocolate chips, distinct flavor of brown sugar. A decent cookie, not spectacular. Still, a good-hearted cookie, not pretentious." -Max

"If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhood." -Jace

"Gazzy looked from me to Fang to Iggy, clearly thinking that he was sunk now that I had obviously severed all ties with reality." -Max

"A chip like that is bad news. It might be NSA. I won't mess with it. Look, you stay away from me! Next thing, they'll be after me! I hate them! Hate them!" -The MIT Dropout Hacker Guy

"Note to self: stop punching inanimate objects." -Max

"Stay away from my blades. In fact, don't touch any of my weapons without my permission." -Jace
"Well, there goes my plan for selling them all on Ebay." -Clary
"Selling them on what?" -Jace
"A mythical place of great magical power." -Clary

"Nudge is a great kid, but that motormouth of hers could turn Mother Teresa into an ax murderer." -Max

"Yeah, this is what we needed. A staircase going down to the Dark Place." -Fang

"Just walk. Keep walking. Walk the walk." -Max

"That fat guy could make a movie - like Bowling for Columbine or something." -Iggy

"Senator Dude, um, we have a problem with these sicko scientists." -Fang

"Note to self: give subconscious a pep talk re: better dreams." -Max

"He cut his glance toward Jace, who was walking ahead of them, apparently conversing with the cat. Clary wondered what they were talking about. Politics? Opera? The high price of tuna?" -Narrator, City of Bones

“There’s nothing like an eight-year-old’s sense of humor.” –Max

"Thanks, but I'm not really a thigh sheath kind of girl." -Clary

“We’d had one long, ugly day. Well, another long, ugly day in a whole series of long, ugly days. If I ever actually had a good day, I’d probably freak out.” -Max

“It was you or him. I’m glad you picked you.” –Fang

“Here. Have a dog.” –Max

“You... are... a... fridge... with... wings. We’re... freaking... ballet... dancers.” –Fang

“Boy, you just can’t kill people like you used to.” –Fang

“They were bad fliers. And in their minds, they weren’t all Kill the mutants, like they usually are. They were like, Remember to flap!” –Angel

“Accident.” –Max
“Accident? With what, a rabid bear?” –Paramedic
“Kind of.” –Max

“And how do you spell that?” –FBI investigator
“Captain, like the captain of a ship. And then Terror, you know, T-E-R-O-R.” -Gazzy

“Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren’t missionaries.” –FBI investigator
“No? Well, for God’s sake, don’t tell them. They’d be crushed. Thinking they’re doing the Lord’s work, and all.” –Max

“Have you ever been to Colorado?” –FBI investigator
“Is that one of those square ones, in the middle?” –Max

“I wanted to grab the front of his shirt, throw him against the wall, get some answers. But I’m trying to outgrow that kind of thing.” –Max

“Can we see him?” –Iggy
“Ig, I hate to break this to you, but you’re blind.” –Max

“Of course, the prince gets his own bed all to himself.” –Max
“That’s right. The prince has a gaping side wound.” –Fang

“So, Fnick, can I change the channel? There’s a game on.” –Iggy
“Make yourself at home, Figgy.” –Fang

If you'll take first watch copy and paste this is in your profile. (inside Maximum Ride joke.)

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love the whole blind, pyro, mutant, baker thing that is Iggy, post this in your profile.

If you relate everything to Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fang is hot...copy and paste this on your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever fallen going up the stairs, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever pushed on a door that said pull (or Vice Versa) copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you refer to yourself in the third person, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have made up a bunch of strange words that you use frequently, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile!

If you read Maximum Ride School's Out - Forever in under 5 hours copy this into your profile.

If you have a dog, and wish he could talk like Total, copy this onto your profile.

If you agree that Fang is Fangalicious, copy this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you have a song in your head, copy this into your profile. (The bird and the worm...the used)

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfics, copy this into your profile.

If you're reading this instead of doing something you really need to do, copy this into your profile.

If you're obsessed with fanfiction, copy this into your profile.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you can quote the riddle from National Treasure word for word and don't care that people think you're strange copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

Weird is good. Normal is boring. Beind so normal its wierd is creepy. Being so wierd its normal is cool. Warning people that you are a complete freak when you first meen them, that my friends, is called being sqee. Copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are Squee, copy and paste this onto your proflie.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or The O.C. or the Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others.

If you've ever been called weird because you typed OMC instead of OMG copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have over 300 novels in your room and think its odd people gawk at them, copy this to your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever insulted someone so stupid that they didn't get the insult, copy this into your profile

If you have ever wondered what the afterlife is like, copy this into your profile

If you are insanely weird, copy this into your profile.

If you want to kill Sam and the red haired wonder, copy and paste this onto your profile. ( If you didnt get that, read Maximum Ride)

If you were scared of the dark before reading Maximum Ride, and now love black-outs and eclipses, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love the darkness, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your reading fanfics when your supost to be studying for a major test the next day, and telling your parents your studying, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

If you say a word in your head until it sounds weird, stop thinking about it, and start thinking about how hot Fang is, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your favorite color was not black before reading Maximum Ride, and now it is, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

if someone gave you money for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have ever eaten something none of your friends would try, copy/paste this in your profile.

If you have ever tripped where there is a ‘watch your step’ sign, copy this into your profile.

If random songs just pop into your head at any given moment, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad', to the Animorph version of the Barney song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family etc. Personally, I like this version better) to your most favorite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you've reread TWILIGHT over four times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've reread chapter 23 of TWILIGHT over eight times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with over 30 characters from books...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you can't figure out if these copy and paste things bug you or if you love them, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you've accidentally called one of your siblings or friends Fang, Iggy, Gazzy, Nudge, Angel or Total copy and paste this is you profile. (my cat, actually)

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If your view on Maximum Ride is that there are much worse things you could be addicted to, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know the answer to life, the universe, and everything, copy and paste this to your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you're the kind of person who will burst our laughing in the middle of adead silence because of something that happened yesterday, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're the kind of person who would rather act stupid than smart, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're the kind of person who would get fired at the M&M's company for throwing out the w's, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're the kind of person who would rather love a guy from a book than in real life, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're the kinda person who does cpr on a goldfish because it was drowning, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're the kinda person who will try to climb a cactus, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're the kinda person who lets the hobos use her chapstick, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're the kinda person who spends hours trying to slam a revolving door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If people mistake you for a vampire (cough cough or you are one cough cough)...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you truly believe, there is an Edward Cullen somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Edward Cullen), copy this into your profile. (I'm a strong believer in True love and/or soul mates as sappy as it sounds.)

You know you're living in 2007 if...

Ever wonder where we are heading?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing fluid is made with real lemons?

Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new and improved" flavor?

Why they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

There is a light at the end of every tunnel...just pray it's not a train!

If you dont like my driving stay off the sidewalk

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.

If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?

Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas?

Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?

Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do you call a girl that is named after her mother?

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

If all of the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile Coyote keep buying their products?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say "do you find something funny?" When obviously we do?

Why do people call it an ATM machine, but they know it's really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?

Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?

AND...

In case you need further proof that the human ace is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners: Serving Suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.)

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well, duh, a bit late, huh?)

On Mark's & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after hot after heating." (And you thought??...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those five-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. (And I'm taking this... because?)

On most brands of Christmas tree lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to... what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody help me out on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On packet on Nobby's Peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts. (Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts. (Step 3: maybe, uh... fly Delta?)

(I don't blame the company on this one; I blame the parents) On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a motorized scooter box: Warning: This vehicle moves. (Thanks Chikara Takashi!)

Thanks for looking and please read my fan fictions – Candle in the Night, Taking Off, Fact and Fiction, Shimmering, Confessions of a Six Year Old Mind Reader, and Rebecca’s Story. And also read my friend’s Twilight story, Happily Ever After. Thanks!!