Basics

Nickname: Weasel.

First Name: Leslie.

Middle Name: Psh, figure it out.

Age: Sorry, I'm way too paranoid to give you shit like that.

Birthday: Look at the answer above.

Gender: Female.

Eyes: Dark brown.

Hair: Brown.

Likes: I don't really know. Questions like this suck.

Dislikes: -points up-

Hobbies: Bein' lazy counts, doesn' it? I also like to give myself accents on the internet.

Location: I really want to put a lame your mom joke here. But I won't. Lucky you.

Fave color: Blue or green. I think they're tied.

Day/Night: Night

Fave Food: Candy.

Friends and Life

Do you ever wish you had another name? Sometimes, but I never really do. I love my name.

Do you like anyone? Nope.

Which one of your friends acts the most like you? I can't really say, honestly.

Who's the loudest? Me. Haha.

Who have you known the longest of your friends? Lilly.

Who's the shyest: Me again. Funny how that worked out.

Are you close to any family members? Yes. My parents and my sister. I love them all so much.

When you cried the most: I don't cry more one time than I do another.

What's the best feeling in the world: Being loved. No matter what kind of love it is.

Worst Feeling: Helplessness.

FINISH EACH SENTENCE:

Let's walk on the: top of that wall!

Let's run through: the woods and forget all our worries.

Let's look at the: all the pretty colours.

What a nice: design.

Where did all the: cool people go?

Why can't you: just tell me what you said?

Tell me: everything, I'll be here no matter what.

HAVE YOU:

Ran away from home: Nope.

Pictured your crush naked: Duh. Silly.

Skipped school: Nah, I'm a goodie-too shoes underneath.

Broken someone's heart: I think so, not to sure though.

Been in love: Nope, my one hasn't come yet.

Cried when someone died: No.

Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Yes. Unfortuantly.

Done something embarrassing: Haha. You could say that.

Done a drug: Nope. I'm drug free.

Cried in school: Yeah.

RANDOM

Your Good Luck Charm: I've never had a good luck charm, I prefer to just have luck or not have it.

Person You Hate Most: The people who feel so insecure with who they are they have to try to ruin other people to the point that they can't be fixed.

Best Thing That Has Happened: I have no clue.

Ice Cream: is overrated. I don't like it all that much anymore.

WHO Makes you laugh the most: Probably Cebrina or Hannah. For totally different reasons.

Has A Crush On You: I don't know.

Do You Have A Crush On Someone: No.

HAVE YOU EVER

Fallen for your best friend?: No.

Made out with JUST a friend?: No.

Kissed two people in the same day?: No.

Had sex with two different people in the same day?: No. I'm not a slut.

Been rejected: No.

Been in love?: No.

Been used?: Yes.

Done something you regret?: Yes.

Cheated on someone?: No.

Been called a tease: No.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...

You touched?: My mom. Hugs all around!

You talked to on the phone?: My dad.

You hugged?: My mom.

You instant messaged?: Ah, I don't IM. What's wrong with me?

You kissed?: Nobody I can remember, as I still haven't had my first kiss.

You yelled at?: Maren. She knew I was joking though.

Who text messaged you?: No phone either, silly me.

Who broke your heart?: Nobody has broken my heart.

Who told you they loved you?: My mom.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

Copy and paste this into your profile if you have ever called someone "mom" by accident and it isn't your mom.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile.

If you have ever attempted to high-five someone and missed completely, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever attempted to high-five someone and slapped them square in the forehead, copy and paste this onto you profile.

If you've ever tried to stick your pencil behind your ear and poked yourself in the eye instead, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever gotten stuck in a revolving door, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever fallen up the down escalator, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever tried to slam a revolving door and it ended up hitting you in the face, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that poor Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that hasn't, put this in your profile.

If you think Lucky should get a restraining order against those stalker kids, copy this onto your profile.

Fuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you know that the clowns are out to get you, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you believe that squirrels are the root of all that is evil, copy and past this onto your profile.

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your carcass off.

If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc. copy this into your profile!

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes funny if you leave it out for too long. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

Weird is good, strange it bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone.

Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good!

If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile!

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity.

If you've ever totally screwed something up so bad it isn't even funny, copy this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over air, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you KNOW that gravity hates you, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.(many times)

If you have ever tried to fly without a plane or any other flying machine/type thing, and FAILED, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have weird friends, copy this into your profile.

If YOU are weird, please copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.

If you know an anime character who should be real, then copy & paste into your profile.

If you're addicted to anime, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Mwahahahaha, I have a plate of peas and a spork! You know what that means... (everyone runs away again)

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. (Person- your stupid Me- My stupid what?)

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile. :D

If you have ever crashed into a wall while you were sugar high, copy onto profile.

If you and/or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile

If you think that Sasuke from Naruto completely has to have the nick-name 'Chicken Butt Hair Dude', copy this to your profile while laughing your ass off.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile. (The sad part is when you have thumb war with yourself and lose :( Sucks don't it?)

Copy and paste this onto your profile if you've ever had a conversation with yourself while other people were around.

Copy and paste this onto your profile if you've ever started yelling random things as loud as possible.

Copy and paste this onto your profile if you're a true Narutard!

Paste this in your profile if you're a procrastination addict.

Paste this in your profile if you have ever seen a ghost or something supernatural.

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, weather it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

If you think Neji used Byakugan on Tenten EVEN JUST ONCE, please copy and paste this on your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like filling your profile with 'copy this into your profile' thingies, then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!! XD

If you have ever hit your head on an open door, run into a wall or door or parked car, pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa, tripped on nothing, looked for something that was in your hand or right in front of you, fallen up or down or somewhere near a staircase, tripped over your own feet, stepped on your cat, or blown up a tank of propane, and you feel the need to advertise your stupidity, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If there are times you just want to annoy people for the heck of it, maybe by making your profile ridiculously stupid, long, and pointless, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you miss someone right now copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate Cartoon Network for the cancellation of the Teen Titans, THEN PLEASE COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If your profile used to be short until you flooded it with this mess of stupidity, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Ninety-five percent of teenagers can't use the English language to their advantage to save their lives, thus resulting in lots of these 'I DUN KARE BOUT BEING POPUL0RZ, I R EMO ND ALONE!!1!one!11!! MOAR BAD GRAMMER FTW!!' If you are part of the five percent who enjoys their moderate popularity, the fact that some people really do understand them, and their ability to form a coherent sentence on paper, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like wasting lots of pointless space on your profile where you could be saying more important things, copy and paste this

!eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

-- THINGS TO DO WHEN IN WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in house ware to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on hold.

5. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the house ware and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When an assistant asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. While handling knives in the kitchen ware department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

9. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through shout, "PICK ME! PICK ME!!"

11. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

12. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly..."Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"

13. Go into the Butchers Department and start rubbing steaks up and down on your face saying " oooohhhh that feels so good"

14. Go to the fruit and vegetable department - get two bananas' and put one in each pocket - walk around the store calling everyone pilgrim in your best John Wayne accent sporadically whipping them out of you pocket - making gun noises and then slumping to the floor as if you've just taken several bullets to the chest.

15. Bring your own DVD, popcorn, sweets, drinks and nibbles and pick a nice spot on the floor in the electrical section. Sit cross legged and enjoy the film. (soap operas and Kleenex are optional)

16. Take boneless chicken breasts out of the packet and throw them skyward whilst screaming" Fly my little ones, fly and be free!"

17. Randomly jump into people's shopping carts asking "Will you be my mommy?" --

You know you live in the year 2007 when...

1) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years.

3) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have MSN or MySpace.

4) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9) You were too busy to notice number 5.

10) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11) Now you're laughing at your stupidity.

12) Now you're thinking, "I have to put this on my profile!"

Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

Vinestar's Quiz!

1.Find a Globe. Spin it. What does it say? Kazakhstan!!

2.Find a book. Turn to page 56, line 3, word 6. Which book is it, and what does it say? The Usborne Big Book of Picture Puzzles (with over 4,000 things to spot); You

3.What can you hear right now? My mom and her friend and her friends' friend talking

4.Have a conversation with the closest living thing other than yourself: Hi Hero, what's up? Remember when my Dad put a piece of cheese in your cute little doggy Jacket pocket? Why the fuck does a dog jacket have pockets, now that I think about it?

5.Turn on the T.V. What show is on? SpongeBob. Do not question me.

6.Type your name with your elbow. loeeeeeeslie. Woah, I did awesome on that.

7.What happened last time you were typing on this computer? I fell asleep...

8.Stand up. Close your eyes. spin around 3 times. Open your eyes. What do you see? Charizard.

9.If you could be anyone from Warriors who would you be? I not know. I no read warriors. I talk live caveman.

10.Find the third letter of all your answers. Underline them. What do they say? Zemhoeeao! Woah, that looks reeeaaally cool. If only there was another question there where I used an x and it was the number that would get the word to change to Zemhoxeeao. That'd be one rad heartless name. Fo' Shizzle.

Some questions...

Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

If a cow laughs does milk come out its nose?

If the opposite of pro is con, then, what's the opposite of progress?

If #2 pencils are so popular why are they still #2?

When the "Psychic Friends Network" went out of business, did they see it coming?

Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is it considered a hostage situation?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

If the sky is the limit, then is space over the limit?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

Is "Cute as a button" supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?!

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think Ill squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"??

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons does morality come from morons?

If two wrongs don't make a right, why do two negatives make a positive?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Isn't it interesting how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts" Since when has a gift NOT been free?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell is he homeless or naked?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an S in the word Lisp?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

If vegetarians eat vegetables what do humanitarians eat?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge would they call it Fed UP?

If quitters never win and winners never quit how can it be wise to: "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them!?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

After eating do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

If olive oil comes from olives where does baby oil come from?

Why is it that when transporting stuff on a car it's called a SHIPment, but if transporting stuff on a ship it's called CARgo?

Girls are like
apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for
the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
just get the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples
at the top think something is wrong with
them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right
boy to come along, the one
who's brave enough
to climb
all the way
to the top
of the tree.

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care

I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...

I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK.

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.

I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.

I Love SHOPPING so I must be rich.

I'm an OG so I must be Mexican.

I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

I don't want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist

I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake

I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.

If you hate stereotypes and think people should just shut up and stop, POST THIS!

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those Who got there first?

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of Jury duty

The phnenomaal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs rpsoet it.

Interesting labels...

On a Sears's hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (Yay shoplifting~!)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (...?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well, that's helpful)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...No way.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But won't I run out of time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Damn. Time for some new sleeping medicine.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Which is...?)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (THAT changed my life. Talk about a newsflash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Excuse me m'am, could you explain these directions to me? I'm a bit confused.)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...Does this happen a lot?)

I have a name, an age, a gender and a religion.

I read novels in class, does that make me a slacker or a nerd?

I have crappy grades, but I've got street smarts, does that mean I'm stupid or that I always know what to do?

I don't have many friends, does that mean I'm anti-social or just shy?

I haven't been to church in 3 years, does that mean I'm a bad Christian or that I just can't find the time?

I don't cry, does that mean I'm cold-hearted, or that I can take what you throw at me?

I care about the planet, but I wake up early to get a ride to school, does that mean I'm conscience of my ecological footprint or that I want to give my kids a messed up earth?

I don't care about little things, but I get worked up about things that matter, does that mean I don't care about everything, or I'm a spaz?

I'm a girl who's a tomboy, does that mean I'm girly or boy-ish?

I'm not always dolled up with makeup, but I do spend time getting dressed, does that mean I don't care how I look, or I obsess with how I look?

I can talk non-stop, and I can listen to you forever, does that mean I can't shut up, or I never talk?

I swear, and I can have a damn good conversation with someone, does that mean I swear in every sentence, or that I talk like a textbook?

I wear black, does that mean I'm goth, or I like dark colors?

I'm not one sided, I have pros and cons, But I can see where you can get confused about who I really am. Cuz I'm both.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place...

Things that can piss you off

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? They need their Ass Kicked!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole, you fucking pulled me over.

11. When people ask "Can I BORROW a piece of paper?" Sure, but please don't return the favor! It's on god damn piece of paper!

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Copy and paste this in your profile if you think that some times we take things for granted.

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100 percent? What does it mean to give MORE than 100 percent? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100 percent? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100 percent. How about achieving 103 percent? What makes up 100 percent in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98 percent and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96 percent but

A-T-T-I -T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100 percent and,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103 percent AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118 percent

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while HARDWORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close, and ATTITUDE will get you there, its really the BULLSHIT and the ASSKISSING that will put you over the top.

THINGS YOU NEVER WANT TO HEAR WHILE UNDERGOING SURGERY:

1. "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."

2. "Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop."

3. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness" 4.

"Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!"

5. "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?"

6. "Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingy."

7. "Oh no! I just lost my Rolex."

8. "Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"

9. "Damn, there go the lights again..."

10. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of them."

11. "What do you mean you want a divorce?"

12. "Ooooops!"

Friends or Best Friends

FRIENDS: Never ask anything to eat or drink

BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FREINDS: Call your parents Mr. Mrs and grandpa by grandpa

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD grandpa GRAMPS

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin' DAMN we really messed up

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down you number

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad .. here's a tissue"

FRIENDS: Knows only a few things about you

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life

FREINDS: Will leave you behind if that's what everyone else is doing

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

BEST FRIENDS: Would walk right in and say, "I'M HOME"

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through highschool /college (drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS: Will help you move a body

BEST FRIENDS: Will say "call me when you need a shovel." F

RIENDS: Try to help you when you get hurt

BEST FRIENDS: Sit there laughing their ass of saying, "Dude, you're an idiot!"

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when they turn you down

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to them and say, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Ask why your crying

BEST FRIENDS: Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella

BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'

FREINDS: Will ignore this

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shit

Quotes:

"I'm not crazy. I'm psychotic. There's a difference."

"There's nothing that can't be fixed with: duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over."

"My attention span is just short enough to annoy you and ignore you all at the same time."

"Dream as if you'll live forever... Live as if you die today."

"Don't get mad; get sadistic."

"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"

"Common sense is the enemy of comedy."

"Sarcasm isn't an attitude, it's an ART."

"My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am."

"Knowledge is power; power is the root of all-evil. Therefore studying is evil."

"I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it!"

"You know what?! Earth sucks, I'm going home."

"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity."

"If you laugh I will laugh. If you cry I will cry and if you jump out a window...I will laugh."

"your a great friend but if the zombies come I'm tripping you."

"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable; like a coma?"

"What is this 'kindness' you speak of?"

"Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking."

"Do you love me because I am beautiful? Or am I beautiful because you love me?"

"They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people."