![]() Author has written 1 story for Vampire Diaries. Hey Guys, I am Emily Ryan from Australia. My list of what a boyfriend SHOULD do: When she walks away from you mad, follow her When she stares at your mouth, kiss her When she pushes you or hits you, grab her and don’t let go When she starts cussing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her When she's quiet, she's thinking of how to say I love you. When she ignores you, give her your attention When she pulls away, pull her back When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful When you see her start crying, just hold her and don’t say a word When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind When she's scared, protect her When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her When she steals your favorite hat, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh When she doesn’t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand When she grabs at your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does When she misses you, she's hurting inside When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers When she re-post this bulletin, she wants you to read it Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go When she says she's okay, don’t believe it, talk with her, because 10 yrs later she'll remember you Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her, call her before you sleep and after you wake up Treat her like she's all that matters to you Tease her and let her tease you back Stay up all night with her when she's sick Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid Give her the world, let her wear your clothes When she's bored and sad, hang out with her, let her know she's important Kiss her in the pouring rain When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Whose ass am I kicking babe?" Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat. Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead, who keeps your picture in his wallet, who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants, who holds your hand in front of all his friends, who thinks your beautiful without makeup, one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you, THE one who turns to his friends and says THAT'S HER! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Quotes: 'I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day, and tomorrow does not look good either.' 'May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and a big bag of money.' 'Cute but evil. Things even out.' "If you hit me at 30mph, there's an 80 chance I'll live. Hit me at 40mph, and there's an 80 chance I'll die...Please stop trying to hit me." 'Roses are red, I'm perfectly sane, it's the world that's crazy. Here's a riddle, two guys destroyed your bike with a bat and a crow bar, one of them wasn't me. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and its gone. If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', whats the opposite of 'progress'? Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. Procrastinate NOW! The voices in my head tell me I need therapy. The newscaster is the person who says “Good evening” and then tells you why its not. I used to have super powers, but my therapist took them away. Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me in kick boxing. The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you do succeed, try not to look to astonished. I am convinced that my superpowers are locked inside of me, and can't be released until my mom makes me a superhero costume. for some strange reason, that doesn't seem to be on the list of high priorities for her! If Procrastinators formed a club, would they ever meet? We live in an age where the pizza delivery will reach your house before the police. I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser. Heck is the place for people who don't believe in Gosh. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every-time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? Sarcasm is one more service I offer. Compassion costs extra. Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive. I will temporarily rule the world, forever. Life is like robbing a bank; so worth the while! You want to know who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there- (A good one!!) Let's see. My first impression: I hate you. Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there's footprints on the moon. Don't look at me with that tone of voice!. Silence is golden, duck-tape is silver. It's a wonder they haven't locked you up yet. A good friend would come and bail you out of jail. A true friend would be sitting there beside you saying, "Man that was fun! Let's do it again!" Question: if some one with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?? Who ever said that anything was possible has obviously never tried to ski through a revolving door... Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them. You've gotta die in creative ways. They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a If it's not nailed down, it's fair game. To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy When in doubt, use brute force. When that doesn't work...RUN!! Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together. Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy. You can't fall off the floor, but you can always pick yourself back up. Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough. If you mess with anything long enough, it'll break. Push something hard enough and it will fall. You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. There's no point in being grownup if you can't be childish sometimes! I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest. Schizophrenia beats being alone. Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum. Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. Never knock on Death's door... Ring the bell and run away... he hates that! This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force. There is darkness. There is chaos. There is evil. They are not now, nor have ever been the same thing. Warning: trespassers will be shot. Warning: survivors will be shot again. Don't worry about the world ending today, it's already tomorrow in Australia. Unless you're in Australia, then start worrying. If the whole world depends on today's youth, I can't see the world lasting another 100 years. –Socrates. You can learn a lot about a person if you just take the time to inject them with sodium pentothal. –Anonymous. The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. -George S. Patton Nunquam lamiae morde me dice. - Never say 'bite me' to a vampire. –Anonymous. If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it. -Leo C. Rosten Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak." "Lottery: a tax on people who don't understand statistics." "Main reason santa is so jolly: because he knows where all the bad girls live." "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize." "If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?" "If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you." If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?" "If you can read this . . . I can slam on my brakes and sue you!" "Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them." "Straight is something crooked that was bent." "Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!" "I want revenge. Is that so wrong?" "Chaos, panic, and disorder...My work here is done." The problem with reality is a lack of background music. I laugh in the face of death...maybe not laugh more like a snicker...a quiet snicker, and I wouldn't do it directly in death's face so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back. If I won't be myself, who will? "If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane." "If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it." Eat right, exercise, die anyway. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. A nuclear war can ruin your whole day. In theory, everything works. Do unto others before they do unto to you. Everyone is entitled to my opinion. Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell, "Storms suck!" If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation. Your village called, they want their idiot back. Welcome to loserville. Population: you. "I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight" My mechanic told me,"I couldn't repair your brakes,so I made your horn louder." "I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay." "I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down." Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. The world will end tomorrow (unless postponed by rain). Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. I need someone real bad...Are you real bad? Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder. All men are idiots...and I married their king. The more you complain, the longer God makes you live. Reality is a crutch for people that can't handle drugs. Out of my mind...be back in five minutes. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Hang up and drive. God must love stupid people. He made SO many! I said "NO" to drugs, but they don't listen! Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU are still an idiot. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. Where there's a will...I want to be in it. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink! Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Always remember that you are unique...just like everyone else. I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit. I wasn't born a bitch, men like you made me this way. Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot either! Who were the testers for Preparations A through G? Madness takes a toll, please have exact change. EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later. If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people. Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes. Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings. My wife keeps complaining that I never listen to her...or something like that. Stop repeat offenders! Don't re-elect them! One by one, the penguins are stealing my sanity When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. Never punch a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. I never argue with an idiot. They drag me down to their level, and then beat me with experience. "Comfort the Disturbed and Disturb the Comfortable" -Unknown -"Fiction is a lie and good fiction is the truth inside the lie" -Unknown He shouldn't let his mind wander, it's too little to go out on its own. He had a good idea once, but it died of loneliness. His men would follow him anywhere, But only out of curiosity. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people are just out of film. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone. God grant us the senility to forget the people you never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones you do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is definitely not for you. ...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx... RULES FOR LIFE AT HOGWARTS 1) Seamus Finnigan is not after my lucky charms. 3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge. 4) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office. 5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. 6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss. 7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda. 8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar. 9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy. 10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "Time of the Month." 11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals. 12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches. 13) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. 14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout, "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!" 15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm. 16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor. 17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental. 18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak. 19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends." 20) I will not dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want. 21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book. 22) I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells shouting, "I got the power!" 23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions. (Highly inappropriate, albeit very funny.) 24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom. 25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" every time I apparate. 26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway. 27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls. 28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice. 29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes." 30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs. 31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife. 32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the arse" is not an acceptable Quidditch chant. 33) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween. 34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot, gay sex will occur. 35) It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagal that she takes herself too seriously. 36) "Ya'll check this shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental 37) I will not say the phrase, "Dude, get a life," to Voldemort. 38) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy. (He will take you up on it.) 39) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy. 40) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera. ...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx... |
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