MostazalsLord Poll: Ok, so, Blizzcon finished already. Did you guys hear about this new protoss unit, "The Oracle"? It was given the role of kind of a base disruptor. Thus far, you think it's OP overpowered ? Vote Now! |
 Author has written 9 stories for Legend of Zelda, and StarCraft. Greetings, whoever is reading this. Well, there is an important thing about this profile, which you may wanna read. So go, read it before you read this little part. WARNING: the following profile has an extremely long length in comparison with the average Fanfiction profile, in fact maybe you're before the longest profile on Fanfiction.net, and I say maybe, because I'm aware of the length of some other profiles (no, this is not the only profile with over 80000 words). This profile contains several copy/pastes, random stuff, tips, quotes, and plenty of other things which may or may not be of your interest, mostly rated T, though some things could be seen as M rated (but they're not too strong). The short version of this profile is: just a guy with a fanfiction account. The long one, is below these lines. Whether you desire to utterly read this profile or not, is up to you, and only to you. If you believe this profile is far too much for you to handle, nothing keeps you from hitting the "back" button, hitting the "hide bio" button, or just leaving. Whiners, flamers, trolls, on-line troublemakers, you're suggested to leave right away. And if someone believes I should change something about my fics or my profile, please, come up with a decent argument, else it will be a waste of your time and mine, and one more thing about changing stuff: I have the last word, always. Beyond this point, you're reading absolutely on your own. So... what's going on? March 11 Still alive here, just got kind of blocked...and this country won't get cold anytime soon . Have a nice day. IMPORTANT THING: You may noticed the stuff below this, is in SPANISH, so if you can't understand anything at all (or you just don't feel like reading in other language), I suggest you to skip the part in Spanish (seriously, it's not good to have headaches, at least not for most people), there you may find out a few things about me in ENGLISH (if you wanna know). I warn you, this profile has a very long length. Ah, and I'm not translating the whole profile to English, yet, mainly because I just don't feel like doing so due to a lack of reasons I deem appropriate. Feel free to PM's me if you wanna ask anything (SERIOUSLY, ask whatever you want, heck, you can even ask whether it's raining around here .I'm tired of only replying to the stuff they ask me in college. Nope, college mates are NOT that cool over here, unless you wanna troll the entire day about politics and whine about how unfair the life is, while you listen to that thing called regueaton, which by the way I DON'T like). From me, to me: use a space after every comma, as well as for dots when writing fics (punctuation). Don't forget it, got it HMMM!?. Another important thing:Looking for beta readers (english native). Alguna vez caminé bajo el ardiente sol, quemando cada centímetro de mi piel mientras la promesa de la paz me motivaba a seguir, o bajo el frío cielo, sintiendo cada gota de lluvia sobre mi abrigo. Pero siempre era lo mismo. . . un desierto a recorrer para lograr librarme de la aburrida estadía en una escuela en dónde no me sentía a gusto. Pero lograba obtener un respiro después de cada travesía. . . recuerdo cada sensación. La preparación, llevar los planes a cabo, cruzar la línea, mirar para atrás y ver a esa maldita reja achicarse conforme me alejaba de ella. Los obstáculos, las risas, la adrenalina, el miedo, la música y el alivio del descanso que tanto anhelaba. Pese a que pagué por mis "errores", no me arrepiento de cada maravilloso momento que conformaba mis viajes. . . sino de que ya pasaron y aún quería seguir disfrutando. Nombre (bueno, en realidad el seudónimo):MostazalsLord (quise escribir "Mostazal's Lord", que significa "Señor de Mostazal", pero cuando se me ocurrió el seudónimo no podía encontrar la tecla correcta) Si te mando un mensaje preguntando cosas sobre tí y no tienes ni la más mínima idea de quién soy o de lo que tengo en mente, no te preocupes que no te voy a hacer nada (a no ser que en este momento este justo detrás tuyohahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!). Personajes favoritos de videojuegos y/o juegos de PC: Personajes adorables de videojuegos y/o juegos de PC: Lista de cosas (no todas, solo algunas) que me gustaría hacer antes de morir: 1. Ir a Estados Unidos. Pensamientos Dios No creo en Él, pero respeto a los que sí. Aunque me parece que sí hay un cierto orden en las cosas que debería ser respetado. Vivo mi vida sin Dios, y si hay algo más alla de la muerte esperando que rinda cuentas por esto, con gusto asumo toda responsabilidad. Eso dicho, que se sepa que estoy dispuesto a que Dios me juzgue, no los cristianos u otros humanos, sólo Él tiene derecho a castigar o perdonar mis acciones y pensamientos en la vida, una vez que haya exhalado mí último aliento. Note that despite that, I like to say/write "OMG" and stuff like that.
¿Qué significa el matrimonio para empezar?¿La unión de 2 personas, aunque sean del mismo sexo?¿o el lazo al cual algunos consideran sagrado entre un hombre y una mujer?Muy discutible. La humanidad es antigua, mas mi existencia solo es una palabra en el libro de la historia. Hay cosas que deberían cambiar, y otras que no. Pero a este tema en particular, no estoy seguro si apoyarlo o no.
CONOCES ESTA VERSIÓN La hormiga trabaja duro con el agotador cansancio del verano durante toda su duración, El saltamontes piensa que la hormiga es tonta por lo que hace en verano, Llega el invierno, y la hormiga esta abrigada y bien alimentada El saltamontes no tenía cobijo ni comida, Moraleja:hacete responsable de vos mismo! VERSIÓN MODERNA La hormiga trabaja duro con el agotador cansancio del verano durante toda su duración, El saltamontes piensa que la hormiga es tonta por lo que hace en verano, Llega el invierno, y tiritando de frío, el saltamontes llama a una conferencia de prensa. CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN y ABC aparecen, La gente queda aturdida por el duro contraste. ¿Como puede ser que, en un país con tanta riqueza, Kermit la rana, aparece en Oprah con el saltamontes ACORN monta un espectáculo en frente de la casa de la hormiga, Entonces, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, le pide al grupo que se arrodille, El presidente Obama condena a la hormiga y culpa a: El Presidente Bush, Nancy Pelosi y Harry Reid reclaman en una entrevista con Larry King, Finalmente, el EEOC crea un proyecto de equidad económica La hormiga es multada por no haber contratado una cierta cantidad de bichos verdes. La historia termina, cuando vemos al saltamontes y a todos sus amigos La hormiga desapareció en la nieve, y nunca más se supo de ella. Al saltamontes se le encuentra muerto, relacionado con un incidente de drogas. -Moraleja:cuidado con quién votan los americanos en el 2010 y el 2012. Para el resto del mundo (de mí parte)... la historia que leyeron recién sólo lleva a un resultado:miseria. Elijan bien... Hermanos latinos, no voy a iniciar discusiones políticas, al menos no por ahora. Sin embargo, quizás les vendría bien recordar que el cóndor no está muerto.
Mi padre es un médico, un ginecólogo para ser preciso. Es una persona muy arraigada a la ideología izquierdista, y como tal tiene su opinión sobre este tema, igual que yo. Cuando no era más que un simple adolescente, mi curiosidad sobre ciertos temas despertó, este entre otros. A diferencia de muchos de mis compañeros de clase, yo no sentía verguenza alguna al preguntar por estos temas, así como mi padre no dió vueltas cuando yo preguntaba. Le pregunté a él, a mis compañeros, a mi madre, mis hermanos, mis libros y la internet. Conforme averiguaba más sobre el tema, mi confusión crecía. Mas logré formar una opinión. Hasta donde yo sé, los embriones no poseen capacidad para sentir y/o recordar (características fundamentales en un ser humano), son sólo un montón de células, lejos de ser un bebé. Es por esto, y no por influencias irracionales, que estoy a favor del aborto, sólo si este se lleva a cabo antes de que transcurra el primer mes de embarazo. Si el caso fuese de más de un mes, pues entonces, no estaría seguro. Preferiría no pronunciarme al respecto, ya que no sè con certeza, que pensar. Read this if you speak english: Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. And personally, I would say:another life which will never land in a place where it won't be loved. . .
Si quieres que el racismo termine, deja de echarle la culpa de todos tus problemas al racismo y hazte responsable de tu propia vida. ¿USA un país racista?¿y Obama qué?¿eh? Durante mucho tiempo a algunos nos han enseñado a odiar a quienes discriminan, sin embargo terminan jugando al mismo juego que ellos... ¿irónico, no es así? Estereotipos Bien para reír, no para ponerse serio. (more about this in the section written in english)
-La vigilancia es el precio de la libertad, la complacencia de los tontos será su propia ruina.
-No les muestres piedad, porque ellos no te mostrarán ninguna. Adivina, adivinador, ¿qué es? o ¿de dónde es?: "Por la razón o la fuerza" "Y es su sombra la que buscan, los valientes al morir" "Y muriendo, también ¡Libertad!" "Corre, pero no camina. Tiene boca, pero no habla" "Toca el fuego y no se quema. Entra al agua y no se moja. No importa que tan rápido corras, siempre está cerca tuyo cuando hay luz" ¿Querés escribir en inglés en este sitio, pero hablas y escribes español y encima no tenés idea de cómo son las cosas por acá ? ¡Yo te ayudo! ¿Por dónde empiezo? Bueno, naturalmente, el primer paso es tener claro que escribir. Escribir el fic y luego traducirlo (no uses el traductor de google, ya que tiene errores gravísimos de gramática cuando traducís textos largos). Esto va a requerir que sepas algo de inglés, así que empezá por los fics cortos y sin mucha complejidad, luego vas a por los largos y complejos. ¿Qué programa uso para escribir? Tenés que usar el LibreOffice Writer, lo podés descargar desde Fanfiction.net apenas entres ( a la página en sí) . El link está por ahí abajo. Algo de inglés sé, pero no mucho ¿cómo me aseguro de que estoy haciendo bien las cosas? Tienes que buscar un “BetaReader” apropiado para tu historia. Un BetaReader es un usuario de Fanfiction.net que está dispuesto a leer un fic antes de que éste se publique, con el único fin de ayudar al autor a corregir cualquier posible error que pueda haber, ya sea en gramática, puntuación, progreso acorde a la trama según la lógica del fic en sí, etc. Buscá y encontrarás. ¡Me dejaron un comentario en uno de mis fic, dice que le gustó! Buenísimo ¿no? Tengo pocos comentarios en mis fics ¿cómo le hago para tener más? Prueba activando los comentarios anónimos (la opción está en la primera página, apenas accedes a tu cuenta, en inglés, obvio “Enable anonymous reviews”) Alguién me dejó un comentario en uno de mis fics, pero son puros insultos ¿cómo reaccionar? Eso, mí estimado lector/a es lo que los hablantes del inglés han designado como “flamer” y es lo que te acaba de pasar, la única cosa que (los flamers ) hacen por acá. Se que suena tentador montar un contra-ataque, pero creeme, es una pérdida de tiempo, ya que no van a lograr entrar en razón jamás. Si tuviste la desgracia de tener que lidiar con semejante clase de individuos, sería sabio borrar su comentario y luego bloquearlo/a. Así te ahorrás tiempo. Miralo de esta manera: ellos tienen que apretar varias teclas para bombardearte con insultos, a vos, te basta clickear unas pocas veces para limpiar la mugre, o sea, quitártelos de encima. ¿Qué es la LU? Literate Union (Unión Literaria). Es una comunidad en este sitio que, según sus palabras, se dedican a “mejorar” la calidad de los fics que leen, ya sea diciendotelo de manera “civilizada (con consejos y cosas por el estilo, pero igual poco agradable” o ruda (insultandote a vos o tu fic). Lo que llama la atención es el hecho de que carecen de lo que se necesita para darse cuenta de que no se puede mejorar algo si se elimina, porque usualmente, cuando dejan un comentario en un fic, dicho fic termina removido. No me gusta el tonito con el que se dirigen a mí... Déjame adivinar, ¿fué algo así como que tu historia está violando las reglas del sitio? Sí Efectivamente, hay reglas a seguir, debes asegurarte de que tu fic cumple con las reglas del sitio, de lo contrario, te arriesgas a que te lo remuevan. ¿Remuevan? Borrar, remover, eliminar, sacar, es lo que le pasa a los fics que violan las reglas del sitio y son reportados a los administradores. Entonces, ¿como lidiar con los miembros de la LU? Ignóralos, ellos quieren tu atención, ¡No se la des a ninguno de ellos!. Sin embargo, esta gente no se aparece en fics que sí cumplen las reglas, de modo que debes asegurarte de que tu fic sí cumple con las reglas. Si no las cumple, corrígelo de inmediato. Si estás al día con las reglas, no te pueden hacer nada, así de simple. ¿Los de la LU son autoridades? No, tienen tanto poder para remover fics como vos o cualquier otro usuario. Pero si tienden a tener un excelente manejo del inglés y las reglas del sitio, si no violas las reglas (y te comportas), no hay nada que te puedan hacer. Uno de mis fics tuvo un comentario que no me gustó ¿lo puedo borrar? Por supuesto. Para borrar comentarios, anda a donde dice “Reviews Remove reviews elegís el fic correspondiente seleccionás el comentario a borrar y le das al botón que dice Remove review” Alguién me está fastidiando con el asunto de que no acepto críticas constructivas ¿Estoy rompiendo las reglas si no acepto tales críticas y las borro? No, no hay regla alguna que te lo prohiba ¿sabés lo que significa? Que está permitido. Este alguien se la pasa lloriqueando “que no acepto la crítica constructiva ” pero me puteó (insultó) de arriba a abajo, y encima su supuesta “crítica constructiva” está absoultamente fuera de lugar, ni siquiera señala un error o algo que debería mejorar, sino que es más bien una ola de insultos tras otra, por razones que desconozco, o simplemente porque no le gustó lo que leyó. Como si fuera poco, se auto-atribuye el derecho a hacer lo que ha hecho ¿tengo que tolerar esto? ¡No! La crítica constructiva se realiza en un tono respetuoso y señalando con detalle y oportunamente los errores y aspectos a corregir y mejorar respectivamente. Insultar no es lo mismo que criticar. Las reglas de este sitio son bastante vagas en lo que respecta a regular la interacción entre la gente de acá y como tal, muchos se pasan de listos y “critican” de esa forma, jurando que la persona a la que “critican” no va a tener más remedio que dejar que lo/la ofendan de esa manera. Pero están sumamente equivocados, y como tal, vos no tenés porque bancartelos (aguantarlos). No importa lo que haga, este alguien me sigue insultando y fastidiando con el asunto de que no acepto su “crítica constructiva” y demás asuntos que prácticamente no vienen al caso¿Es contra las reglas deshacerme de sus comentarios en mis fics y bloquearlo? No. Tienes la razón y la fuerza para proceder con semejante medida, adelante, no hay nada que ese alguien pueda hacer al respecto. Ay! No puede ser! Reportaron uno de mis fics!¿Ahora qué hago? Que no cunda el pánico, si tu fic cumple con las reglas del sitio, no va a pasar nada. Siempre debés asegurarte de cumplir con las reglas. Resulta que uno de mis fics sí viola las reglas ¿qué hago? Corrigelo inmediatamente para que no las viole. ¿Puedo escribir un fic con contenido explícito (calificado M o MA)? Sí, pero no hay regla alguna que regule la intensidad el contenido en sí, sin embargo, sí hay una (bueno, es más bien un aviso, pero cuenta) que dice que el sitio (Fanfiction.net) no necesariamente acepta contenido explícito, así que si lo llegan a reportar (tu fic), que lo remuevan o no va a depender únicamente del juicio de los moderadores del sitio. Te digo esto: que no se te pase la mano, no lo hagas tan explícito (por ejemplo, podés cambiar palabras duras por otras más blandas o poéticas, andate con mesura). He oído que los de la LU, poco menos que esgrimen respuestas a las excusas más frecuentes con las que se encuntran ¿Cuáles son? Me tomé la libertad de traducirlas, aquí va (las típicas que te vas a encontrar): Excusa número uno: Soy joven. ¿Eres joven? ¡Bueno, eso es incluso mejor! La crítca constructiva se trata solamente de aprender. Todos aprendemos, pero entre más jóvenes seamos, más rápido aprendemos. Así qué mientras más joven, mejor. Ser joven no es una excusa para no recibir críticas constructivas, es una razón para querer más. Excusa número dos: el inglés no es mí primer idioma. Bueno, si estas aprendiendo un idioma, que alguien señale lo que hiciste mal y que intente ayudarte a mejorar, ¿no es algo bueno? Si vas a escribir en un idioma que no es tu lengua materna, ¿no deberías aspirar a escribir en dicho idioma lo bastante bien como para que no se note que no es tu primera lengua? Excusa número tres: tengo una discapacidad. Si tienes una discapacidad que te dificulta la tarea de deletrear o usar la gramática correctamente, entonces deberías usar un corrector y conseguirte un buen “BetaReader”. Claro, al igual que con aceptar la crítica constructiva, conseguirse alguien para que corrija tu fic requiere que dejes que ese alguien señale tus errores. Excusa número cuatro: No te gusta, no leas. Esto apenas es una excusa. Mira, en primer lugar, ¿cómo voy a saber si me gusta algo si no lo leo?. Y en segundo lugar, la crítica constructiva no se trata acerca de que a uno le guste el material. Si dices: “no te gusta la pareja, no leas” eso sería entendible. Hay gente a la que no le gustan ciertas parejas. Aranguear una historia sólo por las parejas es... sencillamente estúpido. Decirle a alguien que tiene una gramática mala, deletreo, que sus OOC (Out of character = fuera de carácter, cuando los personajes no actuan como deberían), y no me refiero a un pequeño “oh, no creo que harían eso” ej de OOC: Darth Vader usa un pan de flauta en vez de una espada láser y recita poesía en vez de su discurso del lado oscuro”, y los gustos no son los mismos. En estos casos, no se trata sólo de que no te guste (tampoco de que sí te guste). También se trata de mejorar. Honestamente, ¿puedes afirmar que no quieres mejorar en las cosas que haces en la vida? Excusa número 5: todo el mundo lo hace. Esta es la excusa que recibo cuando la gente publica historias que violan las reglas y yo les digo que están rompiendo las reglas. Dicen “ bueno, hay otras historias violando las reglas, así que la mía está bien”, pero, sólo porque alguien más hace algo mal, no significa que está bien. Eso sólo te convierte en un escritor holgazán que quiere ser como el resto, lo cual es hilirante, porque la mayor parte de la gente que escribe esas historias tienen “copy/pastes” (copiar/pegar) diciendo que son oh tan originales e incomprendidos. Pendejadas. Dejen de ilusionarse, por favor; no están por encima de las reglas, y es arrogante de vuestra parte pensar que sí lo están. Y reporto a los otros rompe-reglas a los que les copien, así que, hey, ni siquiera son especiales en la sección de reportados. Creo que acabo de orinar sobre toda sus excusas. ¿Pero que car..?¿ Porqué se toman las reglas tan a pecho ? Es fácil especular las posibles respuestas, pero muy difícil encontrar evidencia contundente para apoyarlas. Hay muchas opiniones al respecto. Este autor llamado “EnemiesoftheLiterateUnion”, posse algo de información al respecto (en inglés), en su página de perfil. No se dirije amablemente a ellos, en caso de que te preguntes. ¿ Me podés desear suerte? Buena suete ;P . ¿Tenés dudas? Manda mensaje. If you didn't understand anything above, you may want to check this out (yes, this is the part in english): Yay!so you actually wanna read this?okay, read and feel free to ask anything. I LOVE doing stuff in english, so anything you want, just ask, and I'll see what I can do. I like anime, but not enough to make cosplays. You know, it's just too shameful for me (you see, I have my own ideas and ways to live). I have been reading a lot of fics about LinkxMidna, and hell yea, they make a CUTE couple (that's what I think). I even made a video about them in YouTube. Though I respect people saying something else. I think Midna should be back, but that's not up to me or any fan on it's own (d'oh). I'm in college right now, and still 3 years left to be done with my sociology studies, so don't expect very quick responses from me during the whole year. Whichever reason you have been reading this far, perhaps you wanna know something more. I tell you a few things that could happen if I ever meet you in the real life: More about me: Well, I wrote some of my thoughts in Spanish, so if you wanna know about them, translate that part. I'm a patient guy, but i have my limits. I love to discuss a lot of stuff, and I may not agree with some things, but most of the times I try to keep a respectful tone. I like video games, reading nice stuff, thinking, learn interesting things, improve my english even further (it's not my native language, as I said). As a human being, I'm made of bone and flesh, not stone, hence I can feel. I can bear watching/reading/living harsh situations, but I still feel. Despite being EXTREMELY cruel inside gaming at some video games, beautiful and awesome plots, like LoZ TTP, don't go unnoticed by me. I recognize those values that many hold as sacred and/or wonderful, and that keep hope alive around the world. The name... the name (or rather nick) “MostazalsLord” was made up by me. Means Lord of Mostazal. Nah, I didn't (I still don't) own the place, and I wasn't rich either or a person with a royalty title. It's just that “Lord” sometimes stands for “noble”, and “noble” for “person with good values”. To an extent, I do think I have good values. Mostazal is a real town, but the full name is San Francisco de Mostazal... the place where I used to live in.*Sigh* I do hope to own part of it someday. Regarding my avatar, well, let's just say we both lurk in adverse environments, you're not gonna find the picture of my avatar so easily... if you mind. Now, when it comes down to FF (aka Fanfiction.Net), well, I consider myself kind of old and young around here (about a year now). Before coming across this site, I was not interested in any fan-made material, in fact I kinda rejected said material. Nevertheless, after playing “The Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess” for Wii (which turned out to be an awesome game, at least in my opinion) I really, really felt like it should continue, but bitter was the surprise when I found out the release date of the game and what was said by Nintendo. There is no guarantee there's gonna be a sequel to TP...so shouting a random percentage: 98% chances there is not gonna be a sequel, and 2% chances there is going to be a sequel (pretty sad, but true I guess). Anyways, after finishing the game, I looked for info on what could have happened after, expecting to find what I wanted: good news, that there was something else coming. I found no official version from Nintendo, other than the most logical and obvious one: they never met each other again (at least that was like, the most probable epilogue). It was then, that I found this site, it contained plenty of stories suggesting what happened after the ending. Wasn't exactly the kind of info I was looking for, but I still decided to give 'em a shot. I read some, saw some videos on YouTube, some forums... and after that, I decided to contribute with my own sand grain. Sure, I was not very good at making videos, or making/participating (in) a lot forums, not even talking about drawing (because my skills at that are practically, non-existent) but I could write, and switching to English was not a big problem for me (nah, ah, I'm serious pal, if you think my English is horrible, then you haven't seen nothing yet, trust me, I'm aware about my faults at English, but I'm also aware of others') thus, my writing on this site, began (eventually, expanding to other areas). So here I am, writing stuff every now and then as well as reading some fics, usually related to LinkxMidna, one way or another. Now, that was just one reason as for why I'm here. You probably already noticed that most of the stuff I write over here, is written in English, not in Spanish (my main language). Improving my English even further is another reason to be hanging around here. Maybe I improve at kind of a slow rate, but I least I keep the practice up, that's something (and trust me, few Latin Americans at my age and occupation, devote as much time as I do to the English language, let alone talking to people from the United States). The last reason for me having an account on this site is sort of new one: a hella long profile. It began when I first updated my profile... it didn't look like much, it was short and just for fun, just to kill off some time and think a little bit (you know meditating to an extent), I wrote more, and more and so on for about...hmm... 8-7 months maybe. It was naive of my part to believe it was already mine, without even bothering to really research. Now this profile is over 74000 words, and it will stop expanding the moment I see fit. So far, I'm aware of the existence of the following members on this site who I deem near my profile when it comes down to word count (I started the word count right after the part that says how many and what stories did the author/ess write): 24hourstomakeadifference (67918 words), Kiryn (59202 words) and James018 (54441 words). Last time I checked: 11/3/2012. And I guess there could be more... I will find out, in time. I'm not very sure about this but, I guess James018 has given up on his attempt to reach the highest word count, however, 24hourstomakeadifference, still seems to be up for trying to get the record. Now Kiryn... I guess she's not aware of the rest of us, but if there is someone out there who thinks that she doesn't have the longest profile, she said “bring it the fuck on”. That said, those profiles are the ones I gotta read, before giving my next step. I don't worry too much about James018 but, 24hourstomakeadifference seems to be the persistent kind of person. Although I managed to surpass her word count (for now anyways) I cannot tell how many more words she will come up with next time, but I'm getting ready to strike back (as in updating with more words) as soon as she surpasses my own word count. I've been keeping an eye on Kiryn's profile for while already, just so I can check any possible updates, but if she doesn't update anytime soon, I'll let her know about other profiles longer than hers, including this one. Something I have realized in my time around here is that a lot of people on this site believes in God (quite a few Christians). And... I'm atheist, been atheist my whole life. Now, usually I don't have problems with Christians, nor do I feel very awkward in adverse environments, no matter their nature. But if any of them ever tries to shove his/her beliefs up my throat, I'm very far away from even thinking about being converted. About my fics: Ok, so... my first one (yes, the one with several words missing at the end, but not anymore) took a while to show some hits, however I'm impressed by the second one. It got more hits way faster than "Midna's wedding". Oh, ehmmm. . . I was supposed to enable anonymous reviews, maybe? It's enabled already!Sorry but I'm still kinda new to this. Ahem, more stuff you might wanna read: Looking for some LinkxMidna fluff, funny and/or nice stuff?here you go: Midna: Hey Link! Link: What? Midna: I LOVE YOU! jumps at him and kisses him over and over -a few moments later- Midna: How was that, Link? Link: (covered in lipstick and has a shocked face) What happend? Midna: Link. . . let's play a game Link: is scared wh-what kind of game? 0_0 Midna: you'll see -a few seconds- Midna: I FOUND YOU! Link: DARN! Midna: ok, my turn to hide Link: ok, 1. . . 2. . . 3. . . Check out these directions: deviantart. com/art/Link-X-Midna-Comic-CH-1-pg-1-125707986 Omg! I just googled "Midna's wedding" (again) and there ARE videos on YouTube about that O.O . What are you waiting for?! Go look them up (I'll be watching them soon). Woah, so those videos were made before I wrote my first fic, hmm... awesome! Some fics in my favorite list Some of my fics of course Or simply. . . USE THAT HEAD OF YOURS AND GOOGLE SOME! Now for the Copy and Pastes (most of them, there are others below these): If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are part of the 0. 0000001 percent of people who don't have a MySpace, copy this onto your profile. If you think Midna was going to tell Link she loves him, copy and paste this on your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. If you think Midna should be coming back in another game, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like to freak the hell out of people, just to see the look in their faces, copy and paste this on your profile. If you felt sad at the ending of LoZ TTP, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever went outside of your house just to buy cookies, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever heard of "El Bananero", copy and paste this into your profile (SA'PE!!!). If you are someone who likes Elvis's music, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever felt the irresistible urge to slam your head into something, whether or not it is another person, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have inside jokes with yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you don't give a damn about being popular, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever tickled the hell out of someone, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think a better world is possible, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever tried to do the "trick of the nuts " that Michael Jackson used to do, copy and paste this into your profile. If you yelled "AWWW" (in pain)while you were trying to do the previous thing, copy and paste this into your profile (hurts!) Only fteefin prenect of poelpe can raed this. fI you are one fo taht prenect, cpoy and pstae tihs itno yuor porflie. Drugs are bad news. Spread the word. Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your profile. Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile. 98 of the internet population has a MySpace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like reading fics, copy and paste this into your profile. If someone ever called you insane or crazy and you laughed, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever laughed so devilish that everyone around you backed off, copy and paste this into your profile. If you just love to win Starcraft 2 ladder matches, and have your opponent to rage quit, copy and past this into your profile. If you ever gazed blankly at somewhere, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever had a cute pet, copy and paste this it into your profile. If you watch South park, copy and paste this into your profile. 98 percent of authors confuse "you're" and "your". If you're one of the 2 percent who knows how to tell them apart, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. 90 percent of teens today would die if MySpace had a system failure and was completely destroyed. If you are one of the 10 percent that would be laughing, copy and paste this into your profile (well, actually I'm a young adult, but whatever. Sucks for them) . If your playlist is 15 songs or longer, copy/paste this into your profile. If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever felt bored at school, copy and paste this into your profile. If you want a cookie right now, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever lived in a country with earthquakes, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think Midna is awesome, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever managed to steal cookies from the kitchen, without getting caught, copy and paste this into your profile. .eliforp ruoy otni etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI 98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent that hasn't , copy and paste this into your profile (when I was one). If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like to read what people put in their profiles, and you like Copy & Paste stuff, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile If you ever played Starcraft 1 or 2 and nuked the crap out of someone, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like to wear hoods, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever played extremely bloody and cruel games, dispatching your foes with no remorse, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever built an empire in a RTS game and felt proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. Re-post if you truly believe in God, and even if you don't. God and Jesus are heroes! (well I don't but.. whatever) If you know there's more to good random humor than saying "cheese", "cookie", or "pie", copy and paste this into your profile. There's always lemons. If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile. Criticizing and insulting are two very different things, if you can tell them apart, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are the complete opposite of normal, copy this into your profile. If you are crazy and/or insane and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile. If you plan on surviving year 2012, no matter the prophetic odds, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If you think cancer is awful, put this in your profile (I think it's terrible) If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile. Authors and authoress alike on this site are free to do as they wish with their reviews, if you already knew this, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they are not, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever yelled at the book you were reading because the characters did something stupid post this on your profile. If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile. I would like to honor those that have died in the 9/11 attack by putting this in my profile. If you would like to as well, paste this in your profile and add your name to the list: Tortured Hylian Soul, Shadow Princess 15 (R.I.P Auntie Saria), Sword of the Twili, NightmarePossession, Ocarina of Twilight (May the lord bless their souls), Twilight Being92 (Poor people. I feel sorry for their families), cakedoughnutschickenboob (not cool) Ultra Drama Queen (R.I.P dudes and dudettes that died that fateful day, may God bless your souls), Wind Crystal, MewMewFerret, michikoneko, Midnight Tornado, SkytheHawk (Rest in peace everyone), AnimeGirl1220 (Rest in Peace), Theiving Alchemist(so sad :( ] Friedchicken23, MostazalsLord (the world still remembers, may God bless their souls now and forever, resting in peace are those persons who died that tragic day), If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile. Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy and paste this into your profile if you are one of the few people who would answer "where to begin?" If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If you ever threatened a computer or video game console, add this to your profile. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile. If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile! Open up Microsoft Word. Put the font on 42, and type in Q33 NY (The plane no. of the 9/11 bombing and the initials of New York). Highlight what you typed, then change the font to Wingdings. If the result made the hair on the back of your neck stand up, copy and paste this (it actually made me really angry) If you really want to find the bastards that destroyed the Twin Towers in NYC, copy and paste this to your profile!! (HELL YEAH!! HOW DARE THEY!!?? THEY MUST PAY FOR THAT!!! Note: I don't rule out any possibility, whether it was an inside job or a real terrorist attack from Muslims or w/e If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile. If several inanimate objects hate you, post this on profile (wait a second, inanimate objects cannot hate, can they?). If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours. If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and past this into your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile Racism is wrong and can often times destroy people's self confidence. It's a horrible and cruel way to treat people. To prove that we are all alike, try this simple experiment: Hold your hand up to a light of some kind. You'll see a shadow cast nearby. Now, have someone of a different race hold their hand up too. You'll see, essentially, the same image. Five fingers and a palm. Skin color doesn't matter when you get right down to it. If you are against racism, copy this message into your profile. If you want to learn Japanese, copy/paste this into your profile (some words and sentences at least). If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile. Whether it's between two males, two females, or a female and a female, love is love!!!... if you agree, put this in your profile. If you have EVER been so obsessed with a song you actually A.) dream about it, B.) sing it in school no matter who's listening OR C.) know the lyrics by heart and sing it no matter how off key you are, copy this in your profile. If you have an annoying younger--or older-- sibling, please copy and paste this into your profile. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile:D If you think swearing is bad, but, you still do it every now and then (either, because you can't help it or because it would fit soooooo good with your current situation),paste this on your profile. If you think that I'm making you think too much then copy this onto your profile. If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile. Yautja alphabet is weird, but with some free time, I think it would be fun to learn it, copy/paste this if you agree. If you have ever wanted to slap someone, but restrained yourself, congratulations and copy and paste this to your profile. If you are on fanfiction.net for some other reason than writing pure romance fics or totally rearranging the original story because some slash romance story didn't happen, copy this and paste it onto your profile. I am currently out of my mind; feel free to leave a message. If you hate child abuse and want it to STOP, copy and past this on your profile. If you talk to inanimate objects (ex. "WORK, stupid computer!), copy and paste into your profile. If you believe that every child deserves a chance to grow up and go to school, copy and paste this into your profile. If you know more about Harry Potter than American History, copy and paste this to your profile If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile If your idea of fun is reading, copy and paste this into your profile. Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them (only some boys) (careful though ladies, we are more than capable of fighting back) If you feel like a complete stalker because you scroll through other people's profiles looking for something to copy and paste to your own, copy and paste to your profile (I have some practice). I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the heck can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh crap, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!... copy and paste this into your profile if you smiled. If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliche, Insane Winged Girl, Faxness-Fan48, An-Jelly-Ca,VMsuperfan, SVUlover, daisy617, Pillsbury Dopegirl10, Yaoifangirl42,Animefreak469, ChibiUlquiorra, Blacksand1, ArktonDartorix, Darthdragon, XxThe Penny TreasurexX, MostazalsLord, ¸.•´¸•´¨) ¸.•¨) ¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•¨) If you have ever tried to hi-five somebody and end up hitting them in the head, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you know at least five words to the song 'I Love Rock n' Roll', put this in your profile If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile (actually I didn't know it was by when when I tried...). If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever wondered why the heck Canadians and Americans have to spell 'colour' differently, and use different units of measurement, copy this to your profile (wait? You guys do? O.O) . If you have ever wondered why the heck fanfiction doesn't have color for profiles, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you ever get a random urge to start screaming copy and paste this onto your profile. If you ever were told to go somewhere and you forgot why and you had to go back to find out copy this into your profile! If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile. If you don't have a problem with homosexuals, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile. FAN FICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews? If this is true for you, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to Google or YouTube just after you've thought of it, copy and paste this to your profile If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile (hellz yeah!!!) Children Below are the list of children in North Carolina who died at the hands of their care givers in one year. (Someone got this off a child abuse site so these are real children) Aviajon - 2 months Her name was Aurora Her dad was a drunk Her only friend She always talked to it Until her parents A bruise on her leg But she grabs her bear She sits in the corner Such a bad life Then one night Then her mom suddenly She thrusted the blade The mom walked out Police showed up One officer slowly It must have been bad ( some people shouldn't have kids...) I went to a party, Mom I felt proud of myself, I made a healthy choice, I got into my car, Now Implying on the pavement, My own bloods all around me, I'm sure the guy had no idea, So why do people do it, Mom Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom Someone should have taught him, My breath is getting shorter, Mom I wish that you could hold me Mom, One message: don't drink and drive! For those who want to know, a Mary-Sue is...well, here's an example: Sophie( the Mary-Sue) has always been a normal teenage girl until one day, when she realizes that she can...well, I don't know...COMMAND COOKIES TO ATTACK HER ENEMIES! With her merry and loyal band of followers that were her only friends, she set off to find and destroy the evil king of Biscuitville. But her darkest secret? The Evil King is...her FATHER!! Dun dun DUN!! Plus, she had to join forces with the hunk-handsome and dashing (yet arrogant, because he had to have that one single flaw) Daniel, who hate each other instantly, but Sophie realizes, after a nice long sexually-oriented dream, that she had feelings for him. In the end, they slaughtered the king (insert dramatic dialogue with a 'But I'm your father!' and a 'I don't HAVE a father!' bit), the kingdom is in peace again, Daniel and Sophie got together and they made little kids, and they lived happily ever after, 'cause as it turns out, the kids' favorite food was (you guessed it) COOKIES!! Hope that helps(one way or another)! What I think of me: someone who had enough endurance to withstand a few...very bad things. What others think of me: he's ok... I guess. What I am to my to my parents: a dude who was the test subject for various situations -.- Favorite pairings: Link/Midna all the way!!! My mood as I am writing this: Quiet. Behavior most of the time: Calm. Talents: slightly high-average gaming skills, very patient, English (Spanish is my country's main language), arguing, and... I guess that's it when it comes to “talents”, dunno what else. What I don't understand: Why I have to put up with certain very stupid people. What I do understand: Why those very stupid people exist. Favorite music artists: I guess I already wrote that, somewhere on the profile. Things that annoy me: being sick, having a lot of boring stuff to do, noobs in sc 2 who all they do is to mass up expensive units (in team play) and then hit attack-move while they type “TIME TO DIE #$%”&!” and anyone trying really hard to convert me (I'm atheist). Ok, quick rant... What's with everyone trying to take on 3 guys at a time in sc 2 3 v 3 ? Or who didn't read stuff like “ I always get a crappy team...”, “it was (insert color here)'s fault”, or the classic one “u guys SUCK!”. It might be ok to claim that if you had good team work, and still failed due to those reasons (but that actually doesn't really happen that much). It doesn't matter how good your multi-tasking is, nobody can micro marine stutter step at two too distant locations at the same time. My whole point: team games are that: team games, and what do you need there? Teamwork. If you're really that concerned about getting to a high level league, get to play 1 v 1, because it's not your “crappy” non-arranged team, it is you. And just for you to know, grandmasters (where the true pros play) is available only in 1 v 1, so, once you get in there, once you get to face real pros all by yourself, with no arranged ally going to save your sorry ass, then, and only then, you may claim to be “pro” (and I said pro, not gosu or uber skilled player). Learn to play as a team or go back (or start) to play 1 v 1... that of course means, that if you lose, you're the only one to blame. As a toss player (in sc 2, 1 v 1)...(still updating) “En taro Tassadar alumno. Todo guerrero protoss debe aprender a luchar contra enemigos tan numerosos como las estrellas en el firmamento” Does feel like it will never come to an end, does feel like they're just as we were told, countless. They just keep coming, no matter how many we kill. That's exactly how it feels when facing the zerg, but it could apply to the other races as well, and it does. Even if you're up against a protoss, you should always bear in mind, that quality beats quantity (not strictly in every situation though). PvP Mirror matches ftw? Nah. In this kind of match up, you can find most of the cheesy plays. Proxy gateways, cannon rush, dt rush, all of those are pretty viable options, needless to say, you gotta watch out for these starts. We all know 3 gate robo beats 4 gate, in a straight up battle. But, if the player going 4 gate can manage to catch the robo player off guard, he can deal serious damage. 4 gate vs 4 gate means lots of warp ins, and the outcome of the initial push (and maybe the whole match) will come down to positioning, unit composition, upgrades and micro. If there is a 4 gate vs gate going on, you should really consider stay defensive, split your opponent's army as he goes up the ramp ( with force fields ). Usually warp gate tech is done around 5:30 6:00, but that means... no robo. If you're fast, you can get out a couple of dts around 6:30, and those guys can win you the game ( keep warping them in order to speed up the things if you see it's working). Maybe the most problematic of this match up, is 3 gate robo vs 3 gate robo. Who gets colossus first, and who gets the biggest colossi numbers seems to be the detrimental factor in this case. Here is were you either, out micro your opponent or transition into something else... Put it this way, most 3 gate robo armies consist in mass stalkers and as many colossi as possible (maybe an observer or two if detection is needed). Now, the reason for why people gets stalkers, and not immortals, is because the stalkers provide anti-air capabilities to the protoss deathball. It does look like big numbers of colossi can keep anything on ground at bay, specially with the stalker support. Actually, with some spread (not in HUGE battles) immortals can get close enough to wipe out colossi and stalkers alike. Eventually, immortal/colossi beats stalker/colossi if the supplies and the upgrades are even. Immortals are as expensive as 2 stalkers, but can beat 3 of them and survive. In a straight up battle (no micro) and immortal can beat a colossus, no problem. You wanna make things even worse for your opponent?More robo units, less gateway units. Your gateway production is ok for the first minutes, but if you can get to the late game, and you can afford it (if you can afford a 3 gate robo, then you should be able to afford this) cut your gateway production and make only robos, start with 2, then you add more as you deem necessary (you can afford 2 robos, 4 stalkers= 500 minerals, 200 gas, 8 supply, 2 immortals= 500 minerals, 200 gas, 8 supply, no anti air, but beat 6 stalkers no problem). Have you seen the stats? An immortal deals to armored targets over three times the damage a stalker deals to armored targets, and twice the damage a stalker deals to non-armored targets. No upgrades for none: immortal takes 4 shots to pick off a stalker. There is yet another option you should consider when dealing with a 3 gate robo: void rays. Facing mass void rays? Although weird, and not seen very often in gold and above, it is still something you should be careful with. Void rays can get into the field before high tier units, such as the colossus, the high templar (ht for short) or the dark templar, but if not careful, you can lose to them. In the early stages of the game (maybe early-mid game), it's not like you're gonna see over maybe 3 - 4 voids or so. Stalkers are your hardest counter against void rays in this match up at this point. 2 Stalkers per void will be able to handle them, no problem if you engage the voids while they're not fully charged. But, if the void rays get full charge, then you're in trouble... because a fully charged void ray will kill a stalker and won't even get his hit points touched, just the shields. PvT Terran... the so-called op race. Well, guess what. They might be op, if you're a bronze and your opponent is grandmaster. If you get in a situation like that, you may lose all hope in the protoss race, and switch to terran, right away. Truth be told: they're not invincible. Most common strats used by terran players and how to deal with them, down here. MMM(marine, marauder, medivac)The all purpose terran ball of units, designed to counter everything in hopes there will be no upgrades or critical amounts of hard counters to this out on the field. Sometimes, the terran players will push with marines and marauders, maybe without stim (or with it on the way), but against protoss... never without concussive shells. If the terran player sees you're going heavy on the stalkers, he'll go heavy on the marauders, and those guys can beat stalkers 1 v 1, now if they get stimmed up... and with the support of marines, it's not weird to see them owning your stalkers, like, really bad. If your terran opponent sees you're going heavy on the zealots, he'll go heavy on marines. Now, terrans are aware of the fact that with no colossi or ht's on the field, the greatest threat to them, are the zealots. They know marines and marauders alike, maybe even with medevac support, can get sliced and diced quickly if the zealots catch up with them soon enough to deal the damage. Does look like everything is good? Yeah, wouldn't be hard if it weren't for a thing called “kiting” (shoot and back off, never allowing enemy units to get close enough to actually damage your units). Marines can endlessly kite your zealots, and with that strategy, they won't get a single scratch. Provided there are marauders in the mix (with concussive shells) and stimmed up marines (marauders too), if you don't get charge (you won't get it in time), your zealots won't do anything, whatsoever, as this way of kiting is far easier than just kiting zealots with marines only. Charge is a must if you're going heavy on the zealots, the problem is that the terran player usually pushes before you get it. Under these circumstances... it does look like you're screwed. But, there is a hope: sentries. No sentries Terran player: gonna push. Protoss player: crap, I didn't get my first colossus yet. Terran player: oh what's that? zealot/stalker? Rofl, I'll own that. Protoss player: okay, so he's coming, k a-move. Terran player: oh, the zealots *kites until every zealot dies* (while kiting) SKILLZZZZZZ! now my rauders will mop up the stalkers. Protoss player: :(*sigh* op... not fair. Terran player: gg no re. With sentries: Terran player: gonna push. Protoss player: crap, I didn't get my first colossus yet. Terran player: oh he's got zealot/sentry? My crazy skillz will own that. Protoss player: Attack, my zealots! Terran player: Rofl, n00b *starts kiting* Protoss player: where do you you think you're going?! *force fields the fleeing route of the terran player* Terran player: an instant wall blocking my path? Man, that's fucking bullshit! Fucking op shit!*tries to fight back the zealots who finally caught up with them and started slicing his forces, but forgets that zealots beat marine/marauder (trapped with force fields)* Marine/marauder: *dead* Zealot/sentry: *alive* Protoss player: pwnd. Terran player: *rage quit* (insert terran player's name here) has left the game! You see pal, force field is found among the most useful spells in the game. With it, almost every situation, can be greatly controlled to your favor. Practice your force field usage and you shall find early pressure much easier to deal with if you haven't already crushed it. Marine/ tank Now, when we talk about PvT, the “easiest” way to deal with this unit composition, is to constantly wipe out the tanks whenever possible. The strength of this unit composition against ground armies (most of the times you have ground vs ground) relies on high numbers of tanks. Without tanks the marines become so much easier to deal with. Usually, you're gonna see about 6-4 marines per tank, therefore anti-marine units are required (like colossi or high templars). Now here is the problem: if your opponent sieges up, no visible ground unit will get close enough to deal damage without before taking some damage itself, hence you should have a big army and a lot of upgrades. Colossi/immortal in sufficient numbers can effectively deal with marine/tank. Also, on a side note: +1 attack on your immortals allows them to pick off siege tanks (with no upgrades) with 3 shots. You should try to upgrade your armor as well, as that extra protection can make your army more resistant to marine fire. Mass marine So, some terrans think “when everything else fails, go mass marines. Marines everything else” Wrong!. Although marines actually can take a shot from a colossus and survive when both are fully upgraded (unlike zerglings, who get roasted with one shot in that situation), they can't last long against colossi/something else, provided the upgrades and the supplies are nearly even. And colossi are not your only choice when you get to face this terran unit composition, because you also have high templars and (with the proper research) psi storm can decimate the marine numbers pretty fast. If you can make it to the late game, and you're still up against mass marine, try and use colossi and psi storm at the same time, and trust me, if you do that right, there will be some epic pwnage going on, like, there won't be any marines left in seconds. PvZ I don't know you guys, but I think that out of the three, this is the most epic match up protoss have. I know having an army is important, but having a strong army (and by strong, I mean, upgraded), is even more important. For instance your first counter to zerglings, are the zealots, but without upgrades, 4 zerglings (100 minerals) can beat a zealot (100 minerals), the reason being is because a zealot takes 3 assaults to kill a zergling. And in bigger battles... say 20 lings vs 5 zealots, there will be 8 lings remaining and no zealots. But, if you have +1 weapons, and the zerglings got no upgrades at all (no armor or attack upgrades, metabolic boost is ok), the scenario will be different. 20 lings will lose to 5 zealots ( even with surround) and only one zealot will perish. In the first situation, the zerg wins and has 200 minerals in lings remaining, but in the second situation, the protoss wins and has 400 minerals in zealots. So long as your attack upgrades are ahead of the zerg's carapace armor by 1, your zealots will kill zerglings in two assaults. Trust me, if your opponent is going muta/ling (that usually means, no upgrades 'til mutas are out), get +1 attack for ground units and 1 zealot for every 4 zerglings, then push: you'll crush him before he can even get his spire halfway done. No upgrades on either side (except speed, that doesn't really matter for damage) = cols need 2 shots to kill zerglings. Immortal vs Ultralisk (no upgrades for anyone) = ultralisk wins (with less than 100 hp). Immortal vs Ultralisk (full upgrades on both sides = immortal wins (with over 50% of his hit points, but no shields) Mental Hospital Phone Menu: Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital! Please select from the following options menu: If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you. If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever. If you are blond, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up. How would you feel? How would you feel if someone was habitually making fun of you? You say you'd be angry, but weren't you the one picking on her because she had a lisp? How would you feel if everyday you went to school fearing what they would say to you? you say that you'd spend all your time crying into your pillow, but weren't you the one pushing him around in the hallways? And what about the foreign kid who was smart enough to advance two grades? He may tell you that how you're poking fun at his age or copying his accent doesn't bother him, but on the inside, he's hurting. Bullying causes kids like these to feel like they have no safe haven. When at school, you shove them under the bus (no pun intended). At home, what you write on their wall taunts them forever (again, no pun intended). They see you at the restaurant and they turn around and leave. But you sit back and laugh at them as they drive away. The ones you put down deserve it the least. The girl who you called ugly. Yeah, she spends an hour in the morning caking make-up on her face, hoping that someone might think she's beautiful. The boy you called fat spends all his time working out instead of eating. The boy you made fun of for not yet had a girlfriend, give him a break! He's only 12. You didn't date until you were 14. You are the reason for their terror. When they most needed someone to stand up for them, you sat back and watched them shake in pain. You knock them off their feet every time they lifted themselves back up until they were to weak to carry themselves anymore. Don't you know that the ones you put down could one day be your boss? You, being the one known for their attitude, won't get a position of such high authority and respect because you didn't give any respect. You may think that putting them down makes them smaller than you, when actually, they're the bigger person to not fire back. Someday that will prove to be their advantage Many of those who are bullied don't come out alive. They kill themselves. It may be suicide on the outside, but logically, you are the murderer. You drove them insane with your rumors, lies, actions and what you didn't do when you should have. You caused a domino effect that ended their life. You are to blame! And you who stand by and watch are just as guilty! You could havve stopped their suffering. You didn't tell anyone until it was too late. You didn't break up the fight before it happened. You didn't stand up for the one that needed it most. And the majority of people are right there with you. When you could be part of the small percentage who are worthy to be called heroes, the ones who can save someone the burden that's to heavy for them to carry alone. Take it from a victim herself. It hurts what they throw on you and even worse when no one will help. Everything burns: the promises no one keeps, exclusion, the names. All of it. Some try to look strong, but what you don't know is they've run out of tears to cry. Many have stopped trying to hide the pain. They walk through life unnoticed, convinced that no one cares. Between the ones that directly bully and the ones that hide behind a mask, there's no one left for them to trust. Do you want to live in a peaceful world? the change starts when you stop putting down others until their at your level. As long ad bullying lives, so does unrest. Too often, you say something and do another. That's called hypocrisy and it's wrong! Too many times you hold something over someone's head until they do what you want them to do . That's the illeagal and rude practice of blackmail. Be the change! "REMEMBER WHEN(some of these things I believe are for girls only, I give for granted the rest but... bah, whatever)" REMEMBER WHEN... Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now Did you know? Before you go to sleep at night there is 1 person from the opposite rainbow, thinking of you, they want to kiss you, they want to be with you, they're always thinking about you before they go to sleep at night and they are longing to be with you. This is all true not fake. If you repost this on your page within 5 mins, that person who is longing to approach you will approach you in a month and ask you out or grab you and kiss you but if you break this chain no one will like you or ask you out for 45 years. (hmm...) 1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue. 2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it. 3. The first truth is a lie. 4. You're smiling right now because you know you fell for it... (Idiot!) 5. You still have a stupid smile lingering on your face Now, if you fell for it (I KNOW you did), copy & paste this into your profile. Differences between real friends and fake friends: FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food. Real friends are forever. Don't EVER forget them!!! Here is some information regarding werewolves that is most commonly misinterpreted:
2. Silver will not kill a werewolf, although it will cause pain and discomfort. 3. The curse can never be broken, no matter what some people or beliefs may state. 4. All werewolves can communicate through a form of telepathy which enables them to hunt and perform more efficiently. 5. Werewolves are virtually immortal because of the constant regeneration of their physical tissue, making their true age somewhat difficult to determine. 6. Werewolves in a pack have a physic link that bonds them together, if one werewolf in the pack dies the other werewolves can sense his death. 7. If you are bitten and you kill the werewolf you WILL NOT be free from the curse, the curse is like a virus, or rabies if you will, if you get bitten by an animal that has rabies you get rabies, and if you kill the animal that gave you rabies you will not be cured. You still have the virus. 8. A werewolf can be killed by any wound that completely destroys the heart or the brain, but decapitation is the most effective way. 9. Some beliefs state that holly water can kill a werewolf, this is false. Christianity or any thing pertaining to Christianity offends some werewolves. Crosses, holy water, and the bible do not ward off werewolves. 10. It is one belief that werewolves are deathly afraid of water regardless of the amount or the circumstances, this is also false. While it is true werewolves do not like water it only applies to large bodies such as ponds and lakes, but if need be the beast can enter the water. 11. There are several ways to tell if someone in a werewolf. Becoming a werewolf is not transparent, no matter how the victim tries to hide it. Therefore, look for symptoms in your human suspects that include increasing violence, increasing aggression, unprovoked rages, insomnia, restlessness, and other bizarre behavior. Unfortunately, over time these symptoms can be brought under control, so do not rely on them exclusively. 12. Werewolves do not only turn on a full moon, neither do they have to. A werewolf can change his form and shape shift at will whenever he wants to, at day or night. Although newly turned werewolves are sometimes forced to change by certain aspects of the lunar cycles or certain sounds such as the howling of another werewolf. (not 100% sure about the source... or it's truthfulness) FanFiction: Rules, facts, and Lessons for n00bs 1. Always do research before writing a story. Skewed facts can ruin even the most well-written and thought-out story. 2. Don't forget to proofread. No one's going to like your story if they can't read it. 3. Keep things realistic. That means no crazy-powerful OC's who can defeat the normal characters in one blow. (See also: "Gary-Stu"/"Mary-Sue") 4. Sufficient plot development can solve almost anything. You want to kill off a main character? Go ahead. Just make sure you've got plenty of solid reasoning behind it. 5. No flaming. If someone flames you, keep a level head and make sure it's not just constructive criticism. If it is a flame, you should: A) Report it to the administrators, and B) Block the flamer. You don't have to put up with their crap. And by all means, lead by example. These things can snowball really fast. 6. Follow the ratings. There are children here. 7. Ask for help. None of the higher-ups here got where they are all by themselves. (Strongly believe in this rule. Don't be afraid to approach me or any other 'higher-up's' if you are having trouble with your story) 8. Don't forget to review. Even if it's just a kind word, it still makes people happy to know that someone is reading their stuff. (Again strongly believe in this rule. Always makes people happy even if it's just a message to keep it up!) 9. In your description, NEVER ask people to read your story. Ninety-nine percent of the time, that's a symbol of a desperate n00b who can't write for shit. 10. There ARE furries here. They're nothing if not diverse, so don't be hatin'. 11. Know your place. Don't go around acting like some hotshot if you have one story with five reviews. STONE TELLING(I'm doin' this but later. My MP4 ,which I guess should do, has a virus, so I must get rid of it first)*later* (there, now it works, let's get this part done, shall we?) 1.WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?Soulreaver -End credits (lol, woot?) 2. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? "I will survive" by these guys who parodied 300 (yup, I will) 3. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?"Reptilia" by The Strokes (hmm...?) 4.WHAT IS 2+2?"Lo estamos pasando muy bien" by Los Prisioneros (esto es la raja! xD) 5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? "Die motherfucker, die" ( When I'm angry I suppose ) 6.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE PERSON YOU LIKE? "Satisfaction" by The Rolling Stones ( sweet...) 7.WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?"I will survive" by Gloria Gaynor (And yes, that's pretty accurate! I did, I do and I will!) 8.WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP (I'm 19, but, whatever, I suppose it means be older for me)?"U can't touch this" by Mc Hammer ( lol, ya heard that? why are u standing there buddy? can't touch this!) 9.WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? "Lonely Soul" by Unkle ( God knows you are lonely souls... and he also knows my likes! :P) 10.WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? "You should be dancing" by the Bee Gees (xD, ok, ok this one cracked me up, because I was like "WTF?", but, as far as I'm concerned... it could be possible, lol, perhaps). 11.WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? "Monsters"by Matchbook Romance (huh, so... yay... I believe my wedding is gonna be... hmm... a little bit odd. I wonder what the bride it's gonna be like... hope as , if not more, crazy as me) 12. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? "Assassin's creed chase theme"( because it's an awesome game! besides, running away from the guards when you manage to kill your target is fun!) 13.WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? "¿Porqué no se van?" by Los Prisioneros ( mainly, because whiners are a headache, besides, they seem to need someone to remind them there are plenty of options, given the fact they don't have what it takes to realize that little, yet obvious, thing) 14. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? "School's out" by Alice cooper ( because... who wouldn't like to blow his/her school to pieces? I would! Call me an evil person if you love your own, but honestly... schools are like cages! though, there are a few good things... still, burn it down!) 15. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? "Eye of the tiger" by Survivor (oh, yeah, they're quite capable of many things, but sometimes they forget) 16. WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? "¿Porqué los ricos?" by Los Prisioneros (buddy... because they have a lot of money, but, whatever, it's just the way it is, deal with it) 17. HOW WILL YOU DIE?"Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley (what? like, I'm gonna be singing this and then I'll get a heart attack? well, at least I'm gonna die loving.) 18. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WILL REGRET? "Bad" by Michael Jackson (hmm... I guess the bad one was me... ouch... or lol?) 19. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? "Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison (oww, crap. I suppose she is gonna laugh after slapping me xD) 20. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? "Evil song" by..errhmm... I don't know, look it up, it's from a parody ( It actually made me cry... of laughter!) 21.WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? "It's my life" by Bon Jovi (I'm not sure if that's a yes or a not, lol, but I suppose it means, none of your business) 22. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? "Sexo" by Los Prisioneros ( what the... hey! Just because I don't think about it every second of my existence, doesn't mean I'm scared of it! But, it really pisses me off that "you must fuck" thing ¬_¬ ). 23. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? "Nunca Quedas Mal Con Nadie" by Los Prisioneros ( well, I try to be nice to everyone, but I don't know if someone likes me. Who knows? perhaps there is someone) 24. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? "Promised Land" by Elvis Presley ( Yes, it needs one thing: mint. With that, it's just gonna be perfect for me) 25. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? "Bad reputation" by Joan Jett (actually, it hurts only the touchy people, which means, not me) 26.WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? "DMC 3 Battle Theme Music" (lol, no I won't, 'cuz people wouldn't get it xD) (Wow... that was... weird, wasn't it? There you had a brief look at the music I listen to) Put Your playlist/iPod on Shuffle and Note the First 15 Songs (I did something like this already, hence, I'll skip a song if it already showed up) 1. How does the world see you? "Pink Panther" by... I don't know who (well... I do consider myself a little bit elegant.. but this one was still weird) 2. Will I have a happy life? "Fade to Black" by Metallica ( perhaps that's a no... but I consider happiness to be something brief, not enduring, at least when it comes to talk about the real world, because tales and games are different) 3. What do my friends really think of me? "Y.M.CA" by Village People (errrj... huh?) 4. Do people secretly lust after me? "Pump it" by Black Eyed Peas ( woah, woah, woah, wait a second... “pump” what? I can think a lot...) 5. How can I make myself happy? "Du hast" by Rammstein (need to find the translation...) 6. What should I do with my life? "Raw power" (SC 2 cantina jukebox) (hahahaha, agreed) 7. What is some good advice for me? "I wanna rock & roll all night" by Kiss ( let's get it started!) 8. How will I be remembered? "A little less conversation" by Elivs Presley (perhaps...) 9. What is my signature dancing song? "Kain's theme" Soulreaver soundtrack (xD, no way!) 10. What do I think my current theme song is? "I.D.E.A" by Showtaro ( well, megaman x 6 did entertain me for quite a while) 11. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? "Another one bites the dust" by Glee cast (they sang it, but we all know Queen created it) (of course... hehehehehe, I'm winning several little conflicts, one by one, and my opponents do precisely as the title of song says) 12. What song will play at my funeral? "Shake your groove thing" by Peaches and Herb (*facepalm* the other one had a better result...) 13. What type of men/women do you like? "Living la vida loca" by I don't know if Chayane, Ricky Martin or someone else... ( haaaehhia yeah!) 14. What is my day going to be like? "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson (but, the kid is not my son!) 15. What will tomorrow bring? "Caraluna" by Bacilos ( hope it doesn't happen to me... that would be terrible, I mean, the song is pretty, but if you pay attention to the lyrics and the “why's”, you can see it's not a happy song) REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" (sure...) Never underestimate the power of your actions One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.' I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.' He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!' There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes.We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!' He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!' He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. 'Thanks,' he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began, 'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends... I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.' I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. 'Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.' I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others. You now have two choices, you can : 1) Put this on your profile or 2) Forget you read this and act like it didn't touch your heart. As you can see, I took choice number 1. Funny or awful? A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile...somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife (omg...) The answer? There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him 5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her 50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without saying a word the blonde handed him 5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde 50.00 The blonde put the 50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?" Without saying a word, the blonde handed him 5. (darn it! I'm puzzled too...) Reviews: It is always good to know someone reads the stuff one is writing, and what's even better? Having that someone to review your stories! If someone thinks one of my fics is great, that's cool for me (and I guess the same holds true for plenty of people on this site). Almost everyone likes to get their work praised, one way or another. Nevertheless, not every review will be a praise. For instance, you got the constructive criticism (or concrit, for short), which is a type of review that will mostly point out your mistakes and give you tips. Now, usually these are written in a respectful tone, but...well, you got the other side too: the flames. Perhaps you already read/ heard about these kind of “critics” as some trolls (people whose main on-line activity is to try and pester others, so they can get attention, feel themselves better, kill off their own free time, “help” in a rather offensive way, have a meaning for their lives, etc...bah, you name it, quite the list) like to say. Now, not always the flamers will have a good reason to “criticize” your fics, for you will sometimes realize, that they're constantly insulting you for reasons that have little to nothing to do with the grammar/spelling/plot mistakes/etc. your fic might have, proving themselves to be quite difficult to understand. Here is an example: friedwithoil4589 published a new fic. 3 persons read it. The first one reviewed, and he said: “I was unable to finish your story, for I found several problems with your grammar and spelling. The second one also reviewed, and he said: “ THIS IS SHIT! Your grammar sucks and your plot is bullshit!. Not even talking about your spelling, seems like you failed every class at school. Fix your fucking shit!” Finally the third one reviewed as well, and he said: “WORST SHITTY FIC EVER! YOU WRITE WORSE THAN A (insert racist/discriminatory/very offensive/ mental illness related insult, here) GO DIE IN A FIRE YOU FUCKING BULLSHIT AUTHOR” friedwithoil4589 read the reviews and...well, he didn't say : oh, wonderful people!. The first guy was an example of concrit, you can see he pointed out some mistakes in the fic, and also mentioned that there were more. No insults were used. The second guy was an example of flame-like review with a little bit of ability to actually “help you to improve”. Needless to say, if you reply to their flames, they will likely hide themselves behind the “I'm just helping you to improve at writing fics” excuse. Quite a bit of insults were used, no respect at all towards the author. The third guy, was a clear example of a perfect flamer. He didn't point out a single mistake in the fic, relentlessly insulted you (the author/ess, who else?) and clearly... is not concerned about helping you to improve, whatsoever. An absolute hypocrite if he/she ever claims to be wanting to help you. Now, I've seen some people here who don't like to take concrit, reasons are several, but it's ok for me. However, I do like to take concrits, so long as they are concrits and not insults (Because I do can tell them apart). A lot of people (specially flamers) love to claim that they're flamming you to help, but they fail to realize that they're actually insulting (criticizing is ok, but insulting is not). Furthermore (and this is the part that can piss a lot of people off) they say you have to put up with it, because the site (Fanfiction.net) says, respect the readers. They're like “hahahahaha, I get to talk trash to anyone and they can't do shit about it, because otherwise, I'll report them so they get banned ”. Nonetheless, there isn't a rule keeping the authors from doing whatever they want with the reviews they get... and what it means when something is not forbidden? Means allowed. For instance, you could insult a flamer who insulted you, but then, you would be risking your account if he/she decides to report you. Sure, the flamer could get banned too, but they'll just make another account. Needless to say, that usually they don't have as much work done here as their targets. But! You can delete their flames, even before they show up, if you're fast enough. Yes, this might take a moment, but hey, put it this way, they get to press several keys in order to flame you, you can get rid of their flames with a couple of clicks. Usually, they'll get pissed off and tired after a while, and stop flaming you. If the flamer has an account, you can block him/her, so he/she won't be able to bother you anymore, at least not with that account you just blocked. You can report flamers as well, so long as they have an account (could end up with their accounts terminated from the site, and their fics removed). If the flamer is an anonymous one, disable anonymous reviews for a while (remember to sweep away their flames too). Careful though, try not to reply to their flames (even though it might sound tempting...), for it could give you troubles. Any review to your fics, will immediately submit to your judgment, whether the responsible wants it or not, and as such, it will be up to you, the author/ess, to decide if said review will stay or be gone from that virtual space known as the reviews section for the fic which got reviewed, for the decision is only yours to make: you are in control. For those who wonder “is that allowed”?. Well, folks, it is as allowed as it is to “criticize”. The “remove review” button is as legal as the “review” button, and if you say :“Removing reviews from critics is not allowed!” then I say: “Oh, really? Then, how come the site itself kindly granted every author that option? Care to explain the existence of the “remove review” button? Why would FF make a button providing us with the ability to get rid of any review in our fics if it's not allowed?. So many flamers here claim to know the Guidelines just as good as they know the palm of their hand, so many of them claim to be oh, soooo smart...yet, you can bet, none of them is smart enough to realize that not taking concrit/flames/mean reviews is among the available (and legal) options, removing them is an option as well, and so is blocking them (the reviewers). Let them whine, let them make forums, let them claim that they're right, let them be arrogant, all of that, outside your reviews section for your fics. For you can still sweep them away like the garbage they can turn out to be, and it doesn't matter what they do, doesn't matter what they say... that's something that will be always up to the author/ess and not to the reviewer, the sooner the flamers/trolls/impolite reviewers/disrespectful people realize that, the sooner they'll get a chance not to drown themselves in a tiny glass of water. So... hey smart-asses... sour about someone else being smarter than you. Here's a joke... there are 3 men who need to get across a lake... the 1st one prays to God asking for the strength to get across... he gets big muscles and swims across... but almost dies 5 times... the 2nd 1 prays to God for the strength and the tools he needs to get across... he gets his big muscles and boat and rows across... but he almost dies 3 times... the 3rd 1 prays to God, for the strength, tools, and the brains... he turns into a woman... walks 4 yards... and crosses the bridge ( lol, xD!!!) Little, and very, clever girl... One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. (mom's answer actually backfired) She again it seems... A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. ( xD!!! oww come on! Nice one!) Do I have to say it? A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. (hmm) I find this hard to carry out every now and then... A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. (anyone else laughed?) The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: (He...omg! The kid is right! Go ahead!Take all you want!) You may require this info in order to get some concepts used by Twilight fans (not that I'm one, but I don't like it not to understand stuff that a lot of people talks about) AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder. AV is Addicted to Vampires LES is Love Edward Syndrome OCD is Obsessive Cullen Disorder WBWAVS is Wishing Bella Was A Vampire Syndrome WIWAVS is Wishing I Was A Vampire Syndrome ~Survey(9/18/2011)~ Who's the last person you talked to and what did you say? My aunt, we were talking about money. Where are you? At some room. Look up, now look back. What did you see? Wall and ceiling. What's the last thing you ate? Fruit salad. What's your personality like? Probably, a “serial-killer-plotting-next murder” personality, but don't worry, it's all good. Who do you have a crush on? Now? Nobody. What was the last thing you thought? Need money...for exam. You have a million dollars. What do you do? Cheer and dance like there is no tomorrow, then, take it easy and plan what to do with such a huge amount of money. What are you eating/drinking RIGHT NOW? Nothing. What are you thinking RIGHT NOW? Photo (random, right?). What's it like being you? Ok, as long as you don't panic, we all face problems and mine are quite overwhelming every now and then. What are your thoughts on writing? It's fine, unless I'm forced to write boring stuff. How tall are you? Nearly 6 feet (I already said this, but whatever) What book are you currently reading? A patriot's history of the Untied States. What music are you listening to? Evil, by Interpol What was the last website you visited before fan fiction? Youtube. What was the last thing you cooked? Spaghetti. What color are the walls of the room you are in? Yellow. Do you know who the governor of your state is? Well, I don't know the Uruguayan homologue. How many different programs are open on your computer right now? One Have you ever been water-skiing? Nope. What is the weather like? A bit cold. Are you going an vacation this summer and where? Yes, probably Chile ;P Anything else? Now, up for some tea and cookies? I felt like having some. Last beverage → Coca. Last phone call → my father. Last song you listened to → Excuse me for scriblin' – SC 2 jukebox Last time you cried→ I don't know how many months ago. Last text message → Understood. HAVE YOU EVER: Dated someone twice → No Been cheated on → No Kissed someone & regretted it → Nah. Lost someone special→ Yes. LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLORS: Blue, teal, red. IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU: Made a new friend → Yes. Fallen out of love → No. Laughed until you cried → Yes. Met someone who changed your life → Nope, unless I'm wrong. Found out who your true friends were → No. RANDOM: Have you kissed anyone on your friend's list → no How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → all How many kids do you want to have → I don't know, two or three perhaps. Do you have any pets → Yes. Do you want to change your name → No, I like my name. What did you do for your last birthday → Had the whole day without being bothered for stupid stuff. What time did you wake up today → 12:30 What were you doing at midnight last night → playing SC 2. Name something you CANNOT wait for→ eating some fruit salad... in fact, I'm gonna get some right away!Excuse me.*goes to the kitchen* Last time you saw your father→ Some months ago. What's one thing you wish you could change→ The floor. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Kinda. What's getting on your nerves right now → The lack of interesting news! Most visited web page → Does Goggle count? Zodiac sign → Sagittarius Elementary/middle/high school → Done already. Euskal Erria, Teresiano Juanita Fernández Solar, Coya. Hair color → Brown Long or short → Short. Are you a freak→ Depends... Height → nearly 6 feet, and I'm getting tired of saying that -.- . What do you like about yourself → Definitely the fact that I'm good at several video games, if not decent at least. Piercings → None. Tattoos → None. Righty or lefty → Righty. FIRSTS : First surgery → None. First piercing → None as well. First best friend → Don't remember the date, I was like 11 maybe. First sport you joined → Rugby. First pet→ A guinea pig. First vacation → Hmm... can't remember. First concert → None. First crush→ A really sexy chick of my high school. CURRENTLY : Eating → Fruit salad. Drinking → Fruit salad juice (xD). I'm about to → write the next thing. Waiting → for tomorrow to come! YOUR FUTURE : Want kids? Likely. Want to get married? Probably. Careers in mind? Sociology, or something similar, something with english would be nice too. WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? : Lips or eyes → Depends on the situation... Hugs or kisses → Kisses Shorter or taller → Slightly shorter than me. Older or Younger→ About my age, don't really care too much if older or younger. Romantic or spontaneous → Both. Sensitive or loud → Both. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship. Trouble-maker or hesitant → I guess both. (yet another)HAVE YOU EVER : Kissed a stranger → No. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes. Ran away from home → I wouldn't say “run away”, I'd rather call it “ go in a spiritual journey”. Broken someone's heart → Erhh... I believe no (if I'm wrong, then I guess there is someone out there waiting to stab me, but hahaha! I'm not an easy target!). Been arrested → No. Turned someone down → No Cried when someone died → Yes. Liked a guy/girl friend → Yeah. DO YOU BELIEVE IN: Yourself → Sometimes. Love at first sight → It depends on what does that stand for. Heaven → Sure! It's up there!*points at the sky* oww, you meant the other one? Nah, if that's the case, nah, but I so, so believe that if I'm wrong, I'm gonna have a bad time for, say, an eternity, but that's it. Santa Claus → Used to. Kiss on the first date → Nope. Angels → No. ANSWER TRUTHFULLY : Is there one person you want to be with right now → I'm actually not sure. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time → No way! I'm not that promiscuous! Do you believe in God? → Nope (Atheist, and I like it). Posting this as 100 Truths? → Nah, ah!. RULES: (for another iPod shuffle thing) 1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, ETC on Shuffle. 1.What is the first thing you say in the morning? 2. Your teacher is ... 3. What's written on your classroom's blackboard? 4. If you ever got a tattoo what would it say? 7. How would you describe your next door neighbours? 8. What would your Best Friend say about you? 9. How do you feel right now? 10. What's on your bedside table right now? 11. What did you do when you woke up this morning? 12. When you open your wardobe you see... 13. What did you say after you last attended a concert? 14. If you had to write a fanfic right now, what would it be called? 15. A song you would sing at your school's talent show? 16. How would you describe what you are doing this moment? 17. If you had to go and jump of a building, what would your last words be? 18. If you could by anything in this world you'd buy... 19. What did you dream about tonight? Yay! Another Survey!! Fav- Color- Blue Words- SABPEEE!, withstand, relax, pwn, lol. Song- Hard to choose... I like so many. Hobbies- Video games (preferably PC ones),reading, writing, idle (xD). Subject- English Store- none... ok, Game stop maybe. Random-. Do you use sarcasm a lot- not really. Did you ever go bungee jumping- Not yet. First thing you notice about people- Their face. pink or red- red What are you wearing- clothes... What are you listening to right now- A zerg, a shotgun and you If you were a crayon what color would you be- Blue or teal When I was little I...- didn't like tuna. 1. Find a globe. Spin it. What does it say? Colombia 2. Find a book. Turn to page 56, line 18, word 6. What does it say? y (means “and”). The whole sentence says “Lo peor es que esta misma situación termina haciendo que el violento verbal se sienta solo y rechazado, con lo cual el circuito vuelve a comenzar y su ira aumenta cada vez más.” Título: Gente toxica. Autor: Bernardo Stamateas. I'll translate... “The worse is that this very same situation ends up making the verbal aggressor feel alone and shunned, which causes the circuit to start over so his/her rage increases even more” Title: Toxic people. 3. What can you hear right now? “Another one bites the dust” 4. Have a conversation with the closest living thing to you other than yourself. Me: miti . Emma (my aunt's cat): (stares at me, purring) Me: sup fierce kitty? :P. 5. Turn on T.V. What show is on? The news. 6. Type your name with your elbow. M,swtgfrvr.lo 7. Stand up. Close your eyes. Spin around three times. Stop. Open your eyes. What's the first thing you see? A chair 8. What happened last time you were typing on this computer? Nothing weird. 9. Find the third letter of all your answers. Underline them. What do they spell? lyomewht (huh) Have you ever... ( ) smoked a cigarette? (nah) ( ) smoked a cigar? ( nope) ( ) crashed a friend's car? (Got the license, but nah, I haven't)) ( ) stolen a car? ( no) ( ) been in love? ( not sure) ( ) been dumped? (no) ( ) dumped someone' (no) ( ) shoplifted? ( nope) ( ) been fired? (not working yet) (x) been in a fist fight? ( terrible, terrible damage on both sides, and despite I lost most of them, I always laughed last) ( ) snuck out of your parent's house ?( nah ah) () had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? ( nope) ( ) been arrested? ( and noooooo iiooo and nooo!) (x) lied to a friend? ( nothing grave) ( ) had a crush on a teacher? ( no but I had some female teachers who were hot) ( ) skipped school? (if skipped stands for not being done with it, then no) ( ) seen someone die? ( no, and I hope I never will) ( ) been to Canada? ( such a random question...) ( ) been to Mexico? ( neither) (x) been on a plane? ( was a little bit disappointed, not as cool as I thought ) ( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire? ( need some skill to do that) ( ) eaten Sushi? (didn't have such luck) ( ) been snowboarding (could have though... it does snow at Los Andes) ( ) been moshing at a concert (Nope, never.) ( ) taken painkillers (I guess no) ( ) love someone or miss someone right now ( everyone is at an ok distance from me) ( ) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by ( ahh, so relaxing... as far as a douche don't show up to screw it up)) ( ) made a snow angel ( no, but I did crushed my bro's snow man, because I felt like, as the evil guy I am every now and then :D ) ( ) had a tea party ( no, but I like tea) ( ) flown a kite ( humm?) ( ) gone puddle jumping (hmm?) ( ) played dress up (Why would I?) ( ) jumped into a pile of leaves ( hell no! You know why? Because out of 100% it's exactly 100% of the times I'm responsible for making that pile of leaves because I was commanded to clean up the garden, I'm not starting it all over!) (x) cheated while playing a game ( couldn't help it...lol) (x) been lonely ( good times actually, I enjoy it during moderate times) ( ) fallen asleep at work/school ( I did feel very tired though) ( ) used a fake id ( nope, why should I? I mean, I even have two, hahahaha!) (x) watched the sun set ( sweet) (x) felt an earthquake ( oh yes!) (x) touched a snake ( didn't bite) ( ) slept beneath the stars ( not outside if that's the case) (x) been tickled (lol) (x) read an entire authors profile ( Sure thing. If I can re-read my own in order to find mistakes, sure as hell I can read other's, after all, I doubt there are many profiles as long as mine) ( ) been robbed ( almost) ( ) petted a reindeer/goat (did pet a cow though) ( ) won a contest ( hmm... I did get some medals though) ( ) run a red light ( huh?) ( ) been suspended from school ( Never) ( ) caught a butterfly (don't remember...) (x) laughed so hard you cried (there was funny stuff going on) ( ) had someone moon/flash you ( hmm, hmm...) (x) cheated on a test ( but never got caught ) ( ) had a Britney Spears CD ( she's not among my musical likes) (x) forgotten someone's name ( when you get to work with so many people, well, it happens) ( ) French braided someones hair ( huhuhuhuhu?) ( ) gone skinny dipping in a pool ( hmm...) (x) put a hamster down someone else's top ( I believe I did, I just can't remember when...) ( ) given up on religion as other people's problem (I've been atheist my whole life) How much of your teenage life have you messed up? [-] Kissed someone before dating (I could have done that tho...) (7 out of 33... hmm, well, not the worst or the best, guess that's ok) Just a few questions in need of an answer(I added my attempts of answer) Why don't they just make mouse-flavoured cat food?(because it would mess up the economy of the cat food) Why do doctors call what they do "practice"? (because it's not perfect) If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? (No, it comes from social standards set by most people throughout history) What would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zigzag? (faster, the exact number remains hypothetical until light stops zigzagging... but I guess light actually doesn't zigzag) Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? (glue needs to get dry before it can stick itself to something, the inside of the bottle is made so that won't happen until the glue is out) If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? (an unknown reason, or maybe it's not always open) Why do doctors leave the room when you strip? They're going to see you naked anyway. (because it's worse to be naked and awake before them than naked and asleep before them) If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? (can't happen,her physiology doesn't allow it) What happens if you get scared half to death twice? (you die if it happens simultaneously, you live if it doesn't happen at the same time ) Do cannibals refuse to eat clowns because they taste funny? (no, they don't discriminate that) If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done? (you failed, but you were successful at it) If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? (in a way) If the speed of light is 300,000 kilometres per second, what's the speed of dark? (darkness is the absence of light, how fast it arrives depends on how fast light goes away, so it should be the same) Why do dogs get mad when you blow in their face and then they stick their head out the window in a car? (dogs have a big noose, they can smell our breath way better than us, probably they don't like it) Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? (ask one of them) Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? (irony) Why does round pizza come in a square box? (makes it look bigger) Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? (unlikely) Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? (just because a person is about to be executed doesn't mean you can now treat him/her like garbage) Why is it that to turn off Windows, you have to click on "Start"? (it's pointless to make an “End” menu, don't you think?) If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? (idk) Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? (idk) Why does the word "lisp" have an "s" in it? (idk) If vegetable oil made from veggies and oil, what is baby oil made of? (artificial chemicals) Can fat people go skinny-dipping? (I guess no) If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? (maybe because initially it wasn't so safe?) How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? (quite bit) Mousetraps are operated by people, right? Now, isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? (No, unless you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality) Why does the sun make our hair lighter and our skin darker? (nature) Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? (irony) Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? (maybe because that would mean to disobey The Lord) Why do psychics have to ask your name? (confirmation of previous data) If a fat chicken laid eggs, would it sit on them? (yes) How is it possible to have a civil war? (because civil population can arm itself without military training) How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the morning? (idk) Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? (because a lot of people is trying to get to their destinations quickly, but since there is such a huge amount of people on it, the traffic gets slow) Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is? (idk) If quitters never win, and winners never quit, why do people say, "Quit while you're ahead"? (idk) Why do our noses run and our feet smell? (idk) Why do people say "slept like a baby" when babies wake up and cry every two hours? (because when babies get to sleep without anything bothering them, they sleep very quietly) Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? (idk) If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, then what happens at a workstation? (jobs are being performed) If sheep coats are made of wool, why don't they shrink when it rains? (XXI) Light travels faster than sound - is that why some people appear bright before you hear them speak? (idk) What was the best thing before sliced bread? (sliced meat), legal stuff) Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor since you can't drink and drive? (idk Can you cry underwater? (you should be able to, but is gonna be hard to notice for someone else) If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches? (it's just another name for “Sector”) Why are marbles so called when they’re made out of glass? (idk) How can something be both new and improved? (idk) If the sign says "Keep Off The Grass", how did it get there in the first place? (the sign is addressing to the people after the sign is set) Interesting and insane laws: Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a 500 dollar fine. ( if someone did that, I don't think they'll pay the fine as well...) It is illegal for horses to eat fire hydrants. ( ahhha?) It is illegal to allow a dog to be in a public place without its master on a leash. ( illegal for who?) It is illegal to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight. ( I suppose some can be a danger...lol) It is illegal to carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock. ( oww.) It is illegal to drive a motor vehicle on city streets unless a man with a lantern is walking ahead of it. (hmm...) It is illegal to eat in a place that is on fire. ( who would anyways?) It is illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle ( So it's possible? O.O oh, wait, now that I think abou...*gets whacked* hey WTF? ???: don't think about dirty stuff. Me: thinking doesn't make me a violator or a dangerous pervert! ???: still! Me: I cant think about whatever I want! ???: don't ! Me: or else? ???: I'll whack you again! Me: really? ???: yes! Me: OH REALLY?! ???: YA REALLY! Me: whack this!*throws a Kamasutra book at the “???” entity* ???. Arghg, porn! I can't handle it! Me: not being prude ftw... anyways, I believe it could be possible, yet, doesn't sound like a good idea... not in public. It is illegal to purchase an alcoholic beverage after midnight on Sunday, yet one may do so on Monday ( but...isn't after midnight on Sunday Monday already?) It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns. ( O.o) It is illegal to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool ( never said it had to be full.) It is illegal to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. ( hmm?) It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep (weird...) The penalty for jumping off a building is death (actually, that's the consequence, nobody is punishing.) You Know You're a Book Addict If: You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on. Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading. You write fanfictions about the book. You quote random lines all the time. You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. You've got a book memorized. You've read a book more than five times. You've read a book with 400+ pages in less than two days. You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like. Mathematical proof at last of the Grand Theory of the Evilness of Girls: girls = time x money (Girls are time and money) BUT time = money (Time is money) THEREFORE girls = money squared BUT money = square root of evil (Money is the root of all evil) THEREFORE girls = square root of evil squared THEREFORE girls = evil Here's a little test for you to find out if your OC is a Mary Sue: 1. Is their name in Japanese and/ or is it really long? No. 2. Does a canon character easily fall in love with them? No. 3. Is everyone fond of them? No. 4. Do they have more perfections than flaws? No. 5. Are they more powerful than most of the canon characters? No 6. Does every person of the opposite gender think they're cute/ hot/ pretty? Nope 7. Are they constantly described in your story as "wonderful/ gorgeous/ beautiful/ swift/ the best"? Not really. 8. Do they have more than just a couple talents/ powers? They don't 9. Do they have some sob story on how their parents died and how growing up was miserable? No. 10. Do they have great hair, beautiful eyes, awesome body, and a supposed "great personality"? No If you answered "yes" to 3/4 or more of these questions, then your OC truly is a Mary Sue. Aha... Stop the Pairing Wars! (I'll do my best) The Legend of Zelda Pledge ( Made by TenshiPrime) I promise to remember Midna, When ever I see the twilight, (not the movie) I promise to remember Navi, When I see a ball of light, I promise to remember Ganondorf, When I think of the Worlds worst Zeros, I promise to remember Link, When I think of great Hero's. I promise to remember Epona , When I see a red horse, I promise to remember Zelda, When my heart is full of remorse, I promise to remember The King of the Red Lions, When I see a red viking ship, I promise to remember Tetra, When I see a Pirate ship, I promise to remember Ruto, When ever I see a mermaid, I promise to Remember Impa, When ever I see a Nurse Maid, I promise to remember Darunia, When ever I see some one party, I promise to remember Raura, When I see someone drink a cup of tea, I promise to remember Saria, When Ever I hear a song of the woods, I promise to remember Nabooru, When ever I see a suit of amour with a sword. Yes I promise to remember Legend of Zelda Where Ever I may go, Even if it goes beyond, Times awesome Flow. Copy and Paste this if you are a true fan of Legend of Zelda Things I may not do in Hyrule: 1. I may not scare Dark Link with my flashlight (Ok... I'll try). 2. Link is not in love with Dark Link. Therefore, I will not accuse him of twincest. 3. I will also not give said Links honeymoon suite (Unless they ask me for some good reason). 4. It is not necessary for me to call Ganondorf "Gannondork" OR "Ganondwarf." Having not done the latter, I will not inquire on the well-being of Frodo. 5.Under no circumstances am I to introduce Zant to caffiene (He's too powerful already!). 6. "Fishing for Ganon" is NOT an acceptable form of recreation. 7. I will not wake Dark Link with "Good morning, Miss Sunshine!" He does not find this amusing. 8. Navi is not the reincarnation of Ganondorf (But she is annoyng as hell). 9. Mass destroying Hyrule does not earn me a spot on "Ganondorf's favorite people list;" I will stop soon. 10. When watching Link fight Ganondorf, I will not start a betting pool on the outcome (Even though I know Link is gonna win :P). 11. The proper names of the five Links are not "Egotistic Original," The Weakest Link," "Anger Issues Blue," "Pinky Linky," and "The Anti-Anti-Hero." 12. I will not tell Tingle that fairies do not exist (it would shatter his dreams). 13. Nor will I make him an honorary Link. 14. Only tragedy can come of the afore mentioned. 15. No matter how much of a discount I get on maps 16. I will not greet Dark Link with "Hey DORK Link!" 17. Doing so will result in a nefarious plot involving genocide, the sun, and my left kidney. 18. Dark Link is not my shadow, no matter how good he looks in my clothes. 19. I do not, and never have owned a personal army of Gorons, Zoras, Octorocks, or Chu-Chus (but I, M-LoRD, do own an horde of imaginary capybaras). 20. I am not to ask Link why he wears a miniskirt, as he does not. 21. Contrary to the popular belief, Link's last name is not "Inpark". Twelve Ways to Annoy Non-Zelda Fans: 1. Yell, "RUN! THE REDEADS ARE COMING!" at very random, innapropriate times. 2. Call every Siberian husky you see "Link." If said dog responds, ask for the whereabouts of Midna. 3. Assign everybody a Zelda character. ("You're a lot like Link, you know that?") 4. Don't talk. Just yell "HIYAH!" and poke people with sticks. If possible, wear green. In short, act EXACTLY like Link. 5. Tell everyone that the spirit of Zelda is in front of them; procede to have a conversation with "Zelda's spirit." 6. If anyone asks your name tell them "I'm Malladus." When people hug you, yell, "RELEASE ME!" Talk about "finding a better host body" often. 7. Stare out a window. If anybody asks, tell them "I'm sure the man out there is trying to get the Triforce!" 8. Try to kill your own shadow. 9. Draw the symbol of the Triforce on your hand; try to pass yourself off as either Link, Zelda, or Ganondorf. 10. When in some place creepy, sing/hum/play Ganondorf's theme. 11. While entering a church, sing/hum/play the Song of time. 12. Whenever you tell someone about something you got, add a "Duh duh duh DUUUUH!!!" at the end. (Ex: And that's when I picked up the stick!!!! Duh duh duh DUUUUH!!!) If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile! (Easy. . . ) ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST Count every "F" in the following text (focus!): FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE HOW MANY? THERE ARE 6 - no joke. The reasoning behind this is the brain cannot process 'OF' (No kidding. . . -. -") (omg) Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius (I didn't, duh. You did?). ~~~~Someone has something to tell you, go ahead, read number 1 and then, go on~~~~ 1) I need to tell you a secret. Go to 5 (Took you quite long buddy. Hi, doin' fine there?) LIST YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS AND ACT AS IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY IN THE GAME: 1. Midna 2. Link 3. Wolf Link 4. Zelda 5. Malon 6. Zant 7. Ganondorf 8. Ruto 9. Navi 10. Epona What would happen if number 1(Midna)woke you up in the middle of the night? Me: *yawns* what is it now? Midna: wanted to see what happens if I woke you up in the middle of the night. Me: ¬_¬ Midna: :P Me: not giving you any cookies for a month. Midna: don't care! I can get all the cookies I want, after all *folds her arms across her chest in a rather proud way* I'm the twilight princess!. Me: you can't get oreos though. Midna: I *realizes she can't* ohw @#&%! Me: :) Number 3(Wolf Link)walked into the bathroom while you're showering? Me: Dude, there is something called "knocking at the door" Wolf Link: *barks* Me: Oh, right. You can't. Hmm, bark three times next time 'kay? Wolf Link: *nods* Number 4 (Zelda) announced he/she's going to marry 9 (Navi) tomorrow? Well, that's... disturbing. I thought she was gonna try and marry Link, not that fairy. Besides since when princesses marry fairies? Number 5(Malon)cooked you dinner? Me: *claps* nice! Malon: hope you like it. Me: *eating* good enough. Number 6(Zant)was lying next to you on the beach, sleeping? Me: What are you doing here? Zant: wha? Me: Never mind, going to surf *points at huge wave* Zant: holy @#&%! You can surf on that one? Me: well, I can always try. Zant: I'm outta here! Me: I wouldn't go that way if I was you Zant: what 'ya talkin' 'bout? *another huge wave colapses on him*. Me: told ya. Number 7(Ganondorf)suddenly confessed to be part of your family? Me: I'm not buying it! Ganon: well, just deal with it. Me:No way! *forces Ganon to watch a 7 days long Barney marathon* Ganon: *on the floor, squirming* No more! please! Me: heh. Number 8 (Ruto) got into the hospital somehow? Me: Ruto, next time be more careful. Ruto: shut up! Me: just saying. Ruto: ... Me: what happened? Ruto: don't know. Me: ¬_¬ Ruto: I just can't remember, not right now. Me: perhaps... someone tried to fish you? Ruto: Of course not! But I do remember seeing some shinny thing I wanted to catch while I was swimming. Me: okaaaaaaay, I guess that sums it up. Number 9(Navi)made fun of your friends? Me:She's probably not having a good night Navi: Hey! what do you mean by that? Me: it involves an angry mob with forks and torches. Navi: :O Me: ;) Don't worry, I told them to let you live. Navi: Thanks buddy!... I guess. Me: But I didn't specify how many hours of Dora The Explorer they could force you to watch... Navi: NOOOOOES! Number 10(Epona)ignored you all the time? Me: I guess she wants some rest. Epona: Link is not a feather. Me: but you're a horse. Epona: don't use stereotypes! Me: O.o . Two serial killers are hunting you down. What will 1(Midna)do? Me: Midna! Can you help me? Midna: *Eating pop-corn* nah, it's a good show. Me: they said you are a freaky, hideous imp. Midna: *uses the fused shadow to kill the killers* Me: so that, is what happens if someone says that... way to get worked up. You're on a vacation with 2(Link)and manage to break your leg. What does 2 do? Me: auch! Man, that hurts! Link: don't be such a whiner. Me: *breaks both of Link's legs* Link: auch! Me: *in a scoffing tone* don't be such a whiner. Link: that ain't fair. Me: Link one, M-Lord two. Link: ... It's your birthday. What does 3(Wolf Link)get you? Me: a shirt? Wolf Link: like it? Me: it's good. Wolf Link: put it on. Me: *does so* not bad, not ba... *feels itchy* Wolf Link: *grins* Me: fleas?! Wolf Link: yup. Me: *runs toward the bathroom* You're stuck in a house that's on fire. What does 4(Zelda)do? Zelda: use the extinguisher! Me: there are no extinguishers in this world! Zelda: oh, crap! he's trapped! Me: *shows up from behind* sup Zelda. Zelda: how the heck did you get out? Me: the backdoor. Zelda: :O Me: you're pretty naive some times, for the bearer of the triforce of wisdom. You're about to do something that'll make you feel extremely embarrassed. What will 5(Malon)do? Me: Ughhh... this blows. Well, at least it cannot be worse. Malon: I brought a camera! Me: *facepalms* I spoke too soon. Malon: say hi to the camera! Me: ... You're about to marry number 2 (Link). What's 1(Midna)'s reaction: Midna:What?! Me: What?! Link: What?! Me: first, I'm a straight guy. Second I'm a supporter of LinkxMidna. Link and Midna: really? Me: You bet! You have my blessing! Midna: awww Me: if you ask me, I think Malon is kinda pretty. Malon: are you serious? Me: yes... and end of the conversation. Malon: :O You got dumped by someone. How will 7(Ganondorf)cheer you up? Ganondorf: sucks to be you, cousin. Me: well, this happens. Ganondorf: wanna try to take over Hyrule? Me: *sighs* don't feel like, but thanks for the offer. Maybe tomorrow. Ganondorf: no problem. You compete in a tournament. How does 9(Navi)support you? Navi: Hey! Listen! Watch out! Look! Me: For the love of Din! STFU! you'll do better that way! Navi: Hey! Why? Me: *points at his opponent* Opponent: *fainted on the floor, ears bleeding*ugghh, those shrieks... those annoying shrieks from hell. Navi: :O Me: ain't funny if that happens. You can't stop laughing. What will 10(Epona)do? Epona: M-Lord, WTF is wrong with you? Me: *rolling on the floor laughing* it's nothing! it's just...*burst of laughter* Epona: that's weird... Me: I just heard you're going to be a model or something. Epona: oh... well actually, I'm pretty, right? Me: what do you mean by that? Epona: for a horse... Me: Erhhh... sure. Epona: why did you doubt? You don't think so? Me:and what if I don't? Epona: *almost stomping over a mint plant* Me: No, no, no, no! You're pretty, beautiful, awesome anyone would want to marry you! Epona: really? Me: of course not, you're just a horse *Epona almost stomps the mint plant* I mean, of course you're a beautiful horse! Oh, Goddesses thanks for blessing Hyrule with such a wonderful horse! Epona: that's better. Me: phew... Epona: now get me a carrot. Me: Ny-ah screw you horsie! Epona: *stomps the mint plant* Me: YOU MONSTER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! Epona: give you a lesson. Me: *stroking the dead mint plant* She could have become such a tasty ice cream... Epona: don't overdo it buddy, it's just a plant... Me: It was a mint plant!!! Number 1(Midna)is all you've ever dreamed of. Why? Me: Because she keeps waking me up in the middle of the night to see what happens! Midna: :) Me: ¬_¬ Number 2(Link)tells you about his/her deeply hidden love for number 9(Navi) Me:Looks like she finally managed to brainwash him with her extremely, hear-piercing, loud shrieks. Link: maybe that way she'll shut up. Me: hmmm... Link: what? Me: and what if you end up married with her? Link: that's... and excellent question. You're dating 3(Wolf Link)and he/she introduces you to their family. Would you get along? Me:Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Wolf Link: and if it's just to meet my familiy? Me: after you gave me that shirt... Wolf Link: still got the fleas? Me: I got rid of them. Wolf Link: aha. Me: *reads question* I dunno, maybe. Will number 5(Malon)and 6(Zant)ever kiss? Me: wow, I didn't see that one coming. Ehmm.. I guess no. Malon: *kissing Zant* Me: O.o . Perhaps, I was wrong. Zant: you were. Me: aha...*mumbling* weird. Number 6(Zant)appears to be a player, breaking many hearts. What do you do? Me:And justice shall fall upon those who deserve it! Zant: what ya mean?*Huge anvil falls on his head* Me: that! though, I expected a piano... Zant: it still hurts! Me: Aha, aha indeed. Could 1(Midna)and 6(Zant)be soul mates? Me: I don't think so. Zant: why? Me: because you don't overthrown your soul mate and then turn her (in this case) into an imp? Zant: but we could! Me: erhh... no Zant. I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way. Midna: of course not, you jerk! Me: watch your mouth... Midna: or else? Me: *unleashes over one-hundred rabid cuccos* Get her! Midna: Crap! You had a haircut and 7(Ganondorf)can't stop looking at you. What goes on in your mind? What? I cut off most of my hair twice a year! Nothing to laugh at... right? I mean, better this than a ridiculous hair cut (almost no hair on my head when I cut it off) Number 8(Ruto)thinks he/she’ll never get a girl/boyfriend. What will you tell him/her? Me: You know, I could help you get one. Ruto: really? Me: Yeah. Just let me get my fishing rod. Ruto: ¬_¬ Me: What? Ruto: What are you gonna do with that? Me: well, you're a Zora so I thought you were looking for a fis-* gets cut off* Ruto: *shaking M-Lord over and over again* How can you be so insensitive! Don't you see I'm not in a mood for jokes?! Me: *dazed* ok, ok just stop shaking me already! Ruto: *does so* Me: *sighs*I'm pretty sure you're gonna find someone. Now, I'm gonna ask that woman in castle town for some advice. Ruto: you mean, the diviner? Me: yeh, got 20 rupees? Ruto: ¬_¬ Me: hey! I need money to help you. Ruto: *hands him 20 rupees* Me: thanks. Ruto: you owe me 20. Me: even if I find someone for you? Ruto: yes Me: :( Number 9(Navi)is too shy to face you and confesses their love by sending an email. Now what? Me: Navi?! Owww, come on! Does that mean having to listen to her shrieks more than the usual? Navi: *Very shy, barely managing to face him* hey... M-Lord. Me: *raises an eyebrow in a rather creepy way* huh, it's you... Navi: did you read it? Me: I did... Navi: so? Me: I don't know... I'm still not done assimilating this. Navi: huh, ok, I'll wait for what you have to say*flies away*. Me: *folds his arms across his chest* A fairy...hmm. You spot 10(Epona)kissing 1(Midna). How do you react? Me: O.o. Epona: She was eating my carrot! Me: weird way to try to get it back... Epona: I don't have hands, what did you expect me to do? Me: oh, right. Midna: she doesn't deserve the carrot. Me: ... just, give it back, I think I'm gonna have nightmares tonight. 1(Midna)accidentally kicked 10(Epona) Me: I hope Ilia don't find out. Ilia: who did this?! Me: *facepalm* fight coming. You notice that 3(Wolf Link)and 4(Zelda)have been inside that hotel room for MORE than a few hours. What are you thinking? ‘ She's training him for... I don't know, a tournament perhaps?.’ Number 4(Zelda)is bored and pokes 10(Epona). What happens after that? Me: Oh, come on! Ilia is gonna get mad again! Ilia: why do you keep hurting Epona?! Me: ¬_¬ stupid girl... Zelda: I was bored, why won't you let me have some fun? Ilia: what you're doing to Epona is so mean! Epona*rolls her eyes* (thinking) She always over does that... Zelda: you're such stupid horse-lover... Ilia: I just care for animals! Me: *points at somewhere above Ilia's head* Hey, look Ilia! A bat is flying over your head! Ilia: Ewwwww!*runs away, without realizing there was no real bat above* Me: hehehe... Zelda: she's afraid of them? Me: looks like. Navi: Listen! Did anyone say Hey! Me: *facepalms* Forgot that word kinda empowers her ,already enough, annoying behavior. Navi: Looooook! Zelda and Epona are leaving this place! Zelda and Epona: *walking away* we're not gonna put up with her shrieks. Me: hmmm, a wise choice. Navi: :O Me: *starts to walk away as well* Navi: *flies right in front of M-Lord, her arms folded across her chest* ehem... Me: *stops* Oh, come on! Now what? Are you gonna use your ear-piercing shrieks on me? Navi: Actually... I was gonna ask you something. Me: And what is it? Navi: out of curiosity, why does everyone think I'm annoying? Me: mainly because you pierce everyone's ears with those shrieks of yours. Navi: really? Me: Yes, now, if you'll excuse me, I don't wanna get deaf *walks past the fairy*. Navi: but He...*gets cut off* Me: *turns his head back, gazing at Navi* *in a creepy, loud and evil tone* SILENCE! Navi: O.o Ganon: *randomly shows up from nowhere* Woah, that sounded pretty evil, cousin. Me: *death glares Ganon* Ganon:ok, ok I get it. You could use some silence right now. Me: *leaves the place* Navi: *flies up to Ganon* And you are cousins? Ganon: apparently... Navi: he's kinda creepy sometimes. Ganon: aha... 2(Link)sent a message to his/her Bf/Gf but 9(Navi)got it. What would happen? Navi: Hey! Listen! I've got Link's message to his girlfriend! Midna: that's mine! Give it to me! Zelda: No, it's mine! Ruto: mine! Ilia: you're all wrong, it's mine! Me: ¬_¬ Random Link fangirl: but, of course it's mine! Me: O.o . I'm outta here! epic catfight takes place* Me: *watching from a distance* phew, I got out in time. Link: sup bud. Are the girls over there? Me: Dude, don't go that way!. Link: why not? Me: it's dangerous! Link: what? Ganon again? Me: worse! Link: ow come on man! What could be worse?* Pokes M-Lord and heads towards the so-called dangerous direction* Me: dude don't...! *hears piercing scream* Ughh... poor Link. I hope they go easy on him. Something explodes, nuclear mushroom rises* Me: *eyes widened, staring dumbfounded*... never mind. 6(Zant) noticed he/she wasn't invited to your birthday. Me: *baking a cake, humming something* Someone knocks at the door* Me*opens the door* sup Zant? Zant: *mad* why didn't you invite me? Me: * raises an eyebrow* because... you're supposed to be trying to take over the twilight realm? Zant: *stomping the floor, over and over again* that's no excuse! I want birthday cake too! *unconsciously, his magic starts overheating the oven* Me: dude! stop! You're messing up my cake! oven explodes due to Zant's uncontrolled magic* Me: *hands on his head* My cake! Zant: ah, uhm... ups? Me: *eyes narrowed, staring angrily at him* Zant*scratching the back of his own neck* I'm sorry? Me: "I'm sorry"? What the hell I'm supposed to do with that?! Can you bake something from it?! Zant: erhhh... Me: thought so. Zant: so... we're cool? Me: * beats the crap out of Zant* Zant: *on the floor, squirming* man... it was just a cake! Me: It was my cake! For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. A few notes of mine, that's, not everywhere, between (like this). I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists. 303 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts 1. I will not poke Hufflepuff’s with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colours indicate that they are “covered in bees”. 2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class 3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not “an extra credit project for Herbology” 4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge. 5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch’s office is not appropriate. 6. I will not go to class skyclad. 7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. 8. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write “I told you I was hardcore”. 9. I will stop referring to showering as “giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful”. 10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not. 11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm. 12. House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers. 13. Staring a betting pool on the fate of this years DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept. 14. I will not start every potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant. 15. “Liften Separatis Crotchum” is not a real spell. 16. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life. 17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”. 18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as “bookends”. 19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as “bookends”. 20. I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak. 21. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine. 22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts. 23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. 24. I will not place anything by Silver Ravenwolf on the library shelves. 25. Tricking the school house elf into stripping does not mean they are now mine even if I yell “Owned!” 26. I am not a sloth Animagus. 27. I am not a tribble Aimagus. 28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or a piranha. 29. I do not weigh the same as a duck. 30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar. 31. I do not have a Dalek Patronus. 32. I will not lick Trevor. 33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is. 34. The Ravenclaws are not “Mentals in training”. 35. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazghul is coincidental. 36. I will not change the password to the prefect’s bath to “Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty”. 37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong. 38. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as “Admiral Naismith”. 39. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” is only funny the first time. 40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey. 41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas. 42. “42″ is not the answer to every question to the O.W.L.’s. 43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously. 44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters. 45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl. 48. I will not teach the first-years to sing “A Wizard’s Staff Has A Knob On The End”. 49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already. 50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter. 51. I will not go to meals dressed as Choda Boy. 52. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp. 53. I will not draw an “H” on Percy Weasley’s forehead. 54. My name is not Captain Subtext. 55. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients and I will not resell their products as “Veela Pheremones”. 56. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as a “Big Black Sex Auror”. 57. I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion. 58. Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda. 59. I am not the Defence Against the Boring Classes Professor. 60. I am no longer allowed to use the words “pimp cane” in front of Draco Malfoy. 61. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the result would be. 62. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labelled “Firewhiskey”. 63. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes. 64. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy. 65. A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become. 66. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape’s personal postbox. 67. I will stop referring to Hufflepuff’s as “cannon fodder”. 68. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class. 69. First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow. 70. Novelty or holiday themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform. 71. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot. 72. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can be only ONE!”. 73. I should not refer to DADA professors as “canaries in the coal mine”. 74. I will not say the phrase “Dude, get a life.” to Lord Voldemort. 75. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library. 76. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth house at Hogwarts. And I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder. 77. I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The Force”. 78. Albus Dumbledore’s proper title is “Headmaster”, not “My Liege”. 79. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death. 80. I will not use Slytherin first years as Christmas decorations. 81. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists. 82. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling “It Does DEATH!!” may be correct but it is not the manner in which one should answer. 83. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here. 84. I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur. 85. Ravenclaw’s do not find a sign saying “The library is closed for and indefinite time period” amusing in any sense. 86. I will not attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class. 87. A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars. 88. I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors. 90. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it. 91. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are “Auror Training Videos”. 92. When being interrogated by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my 93. I am not a member of the Spanish Inquisition. 94. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus. 95. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort. 96. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens. 97. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts: A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins. 98. “OMGWTF” is not a spell. 99. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss. 100. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing. 101. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles. 102. I will not cast the occasional Obliviate spell on Dumbledore, even if it would be amusing. 103. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixie Stix. 104. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive. 105. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals. 106. I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks. 107. I will not sing The Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches. 108. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow. 109. I will not douse Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible wearing it and standing near the fire in the common room. 110. I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell. 111. I will not yell “Believe it… or not!” after any of Dumbledore’s speeches. 112. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit. 113. My name is not “The Dark Lord Happy-Pants” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such. 114. There is no such thing as the Chamber of Double Secret Probation. 115. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps. 116. I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling. 117. Voldemort is not Ganandorf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts. 118. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy exams. 119. I will not charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of “Knights of the Round Table” for the Christmas feast. 120. I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”. 121. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sound with my wand. 122. “Draco Malfoy Takes it Up The Arse” is not an acceptable Quidditch chant. 123. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween. 124. I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! shirt to school. 125. I am not allowed to re-enact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor. 126. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug A Slytherin Day. 127. I am not allowed to introduce myself to the first years as Tim the Enchanter. 128. I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance into any classroom. 129. I will not try and start Naked Thursdays in the Common Room. 130. It is not necessary for me to yell “BAMF!” every time I Apparate. 131. I will not steal Gryffindor’s sword from Dumbledore’s office and use it to patrol the hallways. 132. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways. 133. I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”. 134. I will not teach the first years to play “The Penis Game” in the Great Hall during dinner. 135. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue. 136. I will not organize a Hogwarts Fight Club. 137. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously. 138. I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God. 139. I will not dress up in a Dementor suit and use a Dustbuster on Harry’s lips to get him to do what I want. 140. I will not start food fights in the Great Hall. 141. I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book. 142. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an appropriate career choice. 143. I will not sing “We’re off to see the wizard” when sent to the Headmaster’s office. 144. The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife. 145. It is not necessary to yell “Burn!” everytime Snape takes points from Gryffindor. 146. “Y’all check this-here shit out!” is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell. 147. I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout “I have the power!” 148. I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet. 149. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell “Ni” from various directions. 150. Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do the Time Warp will not earn me any house points. 151. I will not teach the front doors to recognise Filch and not let him in. 152. I will not give Voldemort a toupee to hide his baldness. 153. I am not allowed to tell first years that there is a playground in the forbidden forest. 154. Giving Professor Snape a ton tongue toffee is unacceptable. 155. Singing ‘pop goes the weasel’ when Professor Dumbledore is giving a speech is not permitted. 156. I will not introduce Slytherins to ‘my pet dog Fluffy,’ no matter how tempting it is. 157. Shouting ‘How COULD you betray me like that?’ whenever Snape removes house points is forbidden. 158. I will not steal veritaserum from Snape’s store and add some to the teacher’s morning tea. 159. I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his ‘happy place’ 160. I must not convince first years that the new password to Gryffindor tower is ‘Petrificus Totalus’ and must be said with their wands pointed at themselves. 161. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that my teacup says she’s lying. 162. I am not allowed to dress up like Neville’s grandmother when going to a Halloween party in Snape’s dungeon. 163. The forbidden forest is forbidden because it contains werewolves and acromantula, not because there is a secret cave with the answers to every test, and I should refrain from telling the first years that there is. 164. A bludger is not a bowling ball, and Professor Snape is not a bowling pin. I will not attempt to prove otherwise. 165. I will not tye-dye all of the owls. 166. I will not shave Mrs. Norris 167. The house elves are not there to do my homework 168. There is no bring a muggle to school day 169. I must stop telling 1st years about the time the Hogwarts Christmas tree ate a student 170. I must not throw Mrs Norris out windows 171. Telling Draco Malfoy to 'Make like a ferret and bounce' is always a bad idea. 172. I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of a class and blame that someone put the Imperious Curse on me. 173. I must not throw Hermione’s Hogwarts: A History out the window and then claim that it wanted freedom. 174. I must not leave shampoo on Professor Snape’s desk with directions on how to use it. 175. I will not tell first years that the best way to study is to stay up all night balancing your textbook on your head, as gravity will cause the information to sink through the skull and into the brain. 176. I will not take a hippogriff to the Summer Olympics to get an unfair advantage at the Equestrian competitions 177. I will not use magic to change test questions into those I can answer 178. The proper way to report to my Teacher is “Yes, Sir” not “You can’t prove a thing!” 179. A hug is not all Snape needs 180. When I see Professor Umbridge, I will not say, “There you are, Trevor. Neville has been looking all over for you.” 181. I will not tell Snape he is emo/goth just because he likes wearing black. 182. Harry Potter is not my 'Protection Shield' to carry around to ward off evil. 183. I will not introduce Peeves to IM. 184. I will not introduce Snape to IM. 185. I will not tell McGonagall that she is bad luck because she can turn into a cat. 186. I will not introduce Peeves to a T.V. 187. I will not tell Filch that he needs to bathe once in a while. 188. I won't sign my homework as 'Snaperdoodle' 189. When answering questions in Snape's class, I won't finish my sentences saying: 'dear Snaperdoodle'. 190. I will not hand out slips of papers asking students to answer the following question: Do you think Snape is evil? 191. I will not make a 'Too sexy for my shirt' slideshow full of Snape pictures and show it during all of my classes. 192. I will not tell the first years, who are waiting to be sorted, that in order to be sorted, you must confess your deepest secrets aloud while wearing the hat. 193. The "I Hate Snape" Club is not a valid after-class activity. 194. Making Harry Potter action figures without his permission is wrong. 195. I will not tell Grawp that "Hermy" will give him a kiss if he eats certain 196. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "my little pony." 197. I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves. 198. I will not attempt to set up a satellite dish on the Astronomy Tower 199. There is no Interpretive Dance course offered at Hogwarts, and I should stop 200. Yes, the Great Hall is extremely large, but Quidditch is an outside sport. 201. I will not demonstrate how to juggle using two Bludgers and the Snitch 202. I will not enter the great Hall running and yelling “We’re gonna Die” each time Snape comes to a meal. 203. I will not make farm animal noises in the back of Care for Magical creatures 204. I will not tell first years that divination is their 5th sense 205. Looking after a virtual pet is not a way to gain extra marks in care for magical creatures. 206. In the annual battle between death eaters and Hogwarts I will not sing “99 death eaters alive in the war, 99 death eaters alive. You shoot a spell they hit the ground. 98 deaths eaters alive in the war” as we fight. 207. Harry does not wish to wear a tutu to lunch and I should not make him. 208. I will not put black circles over Harry’s lenses and tell him he has gone blind. No matter how funny it could get. 209. I will not sing “ebony and Ivory” whenever I see Dean and Seamus together. 210. I will not tell first years Fang is a hell hound. 211. I will not post notices in common rooms saying that tomorrow is a theme day, 212. “Another one bites the dust” is not a song to sing during quidditch matches. 213. The first few lines of Mama by MCR is not the best song to be singing during first year sorting, 214. I will not tell students singing the fat Albert theme song is a way to gain extra points on potions 215. I will not laugh at Sirius if he changes his middle name to 'Lee'. 216. I will not laugh at Lupin’s 'time of the month'. 217. I will not offer Crabbe and Goyle a cupcake with Veritiserium. 218. I will not make fun of Harry and his 'Potter Senses Tingling'. 219. I am not allowed to reenact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor 220. I will not cast 'Petrificus Totalus' on myself in order to avoid going to classes. 221. I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history in my Muggle Studies class. 222. All's fair in love and war" is not an official rule of Hogwarts 223. I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names. 224. Even if I myself to do not believe in it, I will respect that the school observes daylight savings time. 225. Watching "The Food Network" is not equivalent to sitting NEWT-level Potions classes. 226. Mr. Weasley's flying car is not to be taken apart piece by piece and rebuilt inside Snape's classroom 227. I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwart's smartest student is in another house 228. It is not appropriate trade first years between houses. 229. I will not tell first years that "any true wizard or witch" can see Thestrals, and that if they can't they "obviously aren't cut out for this school". 230. Draco Malfoy is not the secret identity of "Ferret Boy". 231. I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond. 232. The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate. 233. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play. 234. I will stop pasting happy face stickers on Snape's office door 235. Hagrid's skin is not green and I should stop calling him 'The Jolly Green Giant.' 236. Breaking into song during Potions class is not acceptable 237. Teaching first years to chorus in unison "The amazing bouncing ferret" whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is just wrong, funny, but wrong. 238. Bungee jumping off the astronomy tower is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere. 239. Yelling BOO! at Professor Moody is not wise. 240. I am not allowed to use the superglue spell to stick Harry and Draco's hands together 241. I will not sing "Defying Gravity" during Quidditch practice. 242. Saying the Dark Mark should be the Slytherin Crest is wrong. 243. When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!" 244. "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an expirimental spell 245. Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera. 246. I will no longer wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real father. 247. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord. 248. I am to stop asking Professor Snape to Yule Ball. 249. Mad-Eye Moody knows his eye is creepy, he does not need to be told... again. 250. Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such. 251. I am not allowed to predict the end of the world more than once. 252. I will stop substituting Professor Lupin's Wolfsbane with Polyjuice Potion containing hairs from Mrs. Norris. 253. Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow. 254. I will not attempt to graft a transplant from the Whomping Willow onto the Hogwarts Christmas Tree in Herbology class. 255. I will not try to make a new basilisk for the Chamber of Secrets 256. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as “Kitchen Stadium”. 257. “Potter 6, Voldemort 0″, is not a valid T-shirt slogan 258. I will not pay Peeves to rewrite the school-anthem! 259. If Lupin requests something of me, it is considered very rude to refuse by replying, “Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!” 260. Telling Umbridge cardigans are so 1994 will get you in trouble. 261. I must never tell Ron he looks like a puffer fish. 262. I am not allowed to sing "Holding Out For A Hero" whenever Harry Potter enters the room. 263. Putting fake spiders around Ron’s bed isn’t funny. Especially when he tries to jump out of the window. 264. It probably isn’t smart to ask Draco Malfoy if his hair glows in the dark. 265. No matter how cool it sounds I will not release pixies into the school - it will just end badly. 266. I will not use muggle hair dye to dye Draco Malfoy's hair red. 267. It is not a good idea to charm the furniture in the potions classroom to be pink and fluffy. 268. I will not owl Voldemort a bottle of anti-depresents. 269. I will not make Snape an appointment with a muggle psychiatrist. 270. It is not a good idea to ask Snape if he is off his medication when he is angry. Or ever. 271. After using the hair dye on Malfoy, I will not attempt to claim him as the long missing Weasley brother. 272. I will not tell the first years that it is customary to dye their hair in their house colours for their first day of lessons. 273. A lightning bolt tattoo is NOT the 'Light Mark'. 274. Selling memorabilia with photographs of the 'ferret incident' is not allowed. 275. There is no annual 'Dress Like Dumbledore' day. 276. I will not re-enact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall. 277. I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood. 278. I am not allowed to wear Death Eater robes to dinner and shout Long live Lord Voldemort because I think its funny. 279. I will not replace Professor Snape’s pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro. 280. I may not speak Latin in front of the books. 281. I may not mock Professor Umbridge in front of the press. 282. I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady MacBeth 283. Neville is not my valet. 284. There is no “open-mic night” at Hogwarts 285. It is not a good idea to give Malfoy a “love note” from Ginny and vice versa, 286. It is not a good idea to show the notes to Pansy Parkinson and Daphne Greengrass 287. It is a horrible idea to introduce “colour war” to Hogwarts with Slytherin as green, Hufflepuff as yellow, Gryffindor as red and Ravenclaw as blue. 288. On no circumstances can you introduce rabid fan girls to Harry potter. 289. You must not mix Ravenclaws with muggle geeks or Slytherins with popular people that are muggles. Or Blair Waldorf. 290. I am not to make a waterfall in the astronomy tower so I can surf down after class. 291. I am not allowed to change the Slytherin banner in the Great Hall to a pink and blue banner with a teddy bear on it. 292. Easter in Hogwarts is not to be celebrated by releasing hordes of pink rabbits and making the first years chase them. 293. I am not God. 294. Professor Dumbledore is not God. 295. Despite being near-omniscient, Professor McGonagall is not God. 296. Neither is Harry Potter. 297. I am not the founder of a new religion, in which Snape is the devil and Weasleys are the chosen people and are to lead the followers to the light. 298. I cannot make the followers of Weasleyity have red hair and freckles. 299. The Thriller is not the school dance. 300. I may not borrow an extra wand and watch DRUMLINE too many times. The results are too unpredictable, and Professor Flitwick would like his nose back some day. 301. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt. 302. It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte". 303. I will not swap Draco's broom with one out of Filch's broom cupboard. (I read the books, and liked them, that's why I posted this) Signs you live in these modern times: 1. You are on your computer everyday. 2. You are more inside,than out. 4. You are on this site often. 5. As you read this,you keep nodding and smiling. 6. You were too busy,reading,nodding,and of course smiling,that you didn't notice there wasn't a number three. 7. You looked back to see if there was a number three. 8. You feel a bit stupid. 9. You think this is funny. 10. You want to copy this in your profile,right now - feel free. A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. The black man turned around and stood up. He then said, But you sir, when you're born, you're PINK. The black man then sat back down, and the white man walked away ... Post this on your profile if you strongly disagree with racism. 15 ways to tell a girl is obsessed with Edward Cullen 1. She makes her boyfriend die his hair bronze, and if he doesn't, she breaks up with him. 2. She calls her boyfriend Edward even though it's not his name, if he doesn't like it, she breaks up with him. 3. She makes her boyfriend listen to Debusy everytime they're in their car, if he doesn't like it, well she knows the drill (as well as you by now) O.o . 4. She makes her boyfriend wear Vampire teeth, and if he asks them why, she breaks up with him. 5. Whenever her boyfriend invites her over to watch a movie, she always put in Romeo & Juliet. 6. If her boyfriend pulls up in a car that is not a silver Volvo, she call the cops. 7. When she and her boyfriend want to take a vacation and he suggests Italy, she yells at him an then breaks up with him 8. When her boyfriend tells her that he has two tickets to go to Forks, Washington, she pats him on the head and give him Animal blood, but if he refuses, she takes her ticket and breaks up with him. 9. She makes him read all the Twilight books so much that he has them memorized. 10. She tells her boyfriend that he will always be 2nd in her heart because Edward Cullen is first. 11. If her boyfriend doesn't have a white mansion, she tells him he has to buy one. 12. If he has no brothers or sisters named alice, jasper, emmett, rosalie, then she asks him "who are you?" and leave him. 13. She makes her boyfriend listen to all the sad and happy songs that remind her of Edward and Bella and if he questions her why, she throws him out of her car. 14. She asks her boyfriend what type of drug he thinks she is, and if he says anything other then heroine, she starts to cry and tells him to leave. 15. Or... just to save your time, ask her whether or not she likes Edward Cullen, none of them will say “yes” and not be obsessed with him Take Time To Read Each Sentence This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now read the THIRD word of every line :) ( hey! XD! Well, it actually took me less than that...) Natural Highs 1. Falling in love. Ten things to see before you die 1. A vegetarian be eaten by an animal. 2. An emo kid talk about happy bunnies. 3. Homer say something intelligent. 4. Taxes disappear. 5. Voldemort destroy one of his Horcruxes. 6. Michael Jackson be stalked by children. 7. Children take over class and teach teacher in child subjects, such as: armpit farts, skate-boarding, real music, etc. 8. Wrestling people forget their moves. 9. The coyote catch the road runner. 10. The reaction of the teen population if abercombie was closed and it was illegal to wear their clothing. Stupid test (18 or lower means you’re not stupid.): ( ) Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking. total= 10 Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. This is the longest, grammatically correct, non-punctuated sentence that one can make with only one word. Buffalo can mean: 1) prop. noun- a city in New York 2) noun- an animal 3) verb- to pester, annoy, or confuse To make sense of this, replace definition two with 'people' and definition three with 'intimidate.' Buffalo people (whom) Buffalo people intimidate (also) intimidate Buffalo people. Courtesy of William J. Rapaport from the University of (where else?) Buffalo! One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg." In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. "Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones. "God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!" "Amen," replied the congregation. Fanfiction Survey (9/19/2011) How many fanfictions do you have submitted? Nine so far. Which one has the most reviews? “A special Larva” Least? “ One night, some thoughts ” Which fanfiction has the most words “ A special Larva” Which fanfiction has the most chapters? “ A special Larva ” What category are the majority of your fanfictions in? Games. What do you like most in reviews: Quality or Quanity? Not sure, either works. Have any of your fanfictions made it into at least one C2? If C2 stands for what I think it is “chapter 2” then yeah. If it's not that, then I don't know. Are any of your fanfictions on at least one person's favorites list? Yes. Are any of your fanfictions on at least one person's alert list? Yes. What genre do you most frequently write in? Romance/Humor Do you leave comments before and after a chapter? After reading. Do you update frequently? No, but I'm getting new stuff or working on it if I don't update. Do you frequently use original characters? I normally use the main characters, if I am to use an OC it's probably not gonna be a very relevant one, though I do believe the names I use for them are creative. Are any of your fanfictions based on things that happened to you in real life? No, more like something happened in my real life and then, after changing several things I might use it as a small part of my fics or maybe as and idea for the plot, but my fics are actually not a mirror of my real life whatsoever. What was the funnest thing you've ever had to write? I don't know, all were funny to write. Computer Related Random Things C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't? Smile so the tears don't fall, I'm not supposed to love you, Did you ever love someone, and know they didn't care? You don't even notice the pain in my eyes, (huh...) PREP Total: 3 GOTHIC X Black is one of your favorite colors. Total: 4 PUNK You can skateboard Total: 0 GEEK X You love the computer. Total: 5 (huh) Athletic Total: 0 HARDCORE//scene X You like loud music Total: 3 Ways to annoy people (needless to say these are not all): 1. When talking to someone, tilt your head to the side. 2. Snicker at what someone said and say, "I got the movie reference." 3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub". 4. Name your dog "Dog". 5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up". 6. Reply to everything someone says with "That's what you think." 7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training". 9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. 11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way". 12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date. 13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks. 19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 20. Repeat everything someone says as a question. 21. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps. 25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. 26. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. 27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read. 28. Ask people what gender they are. 29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray. 30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day (e.g. when asked what time it is, claim that it's 25 o'clock). 32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. 33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a". 35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed. 39. Mow your lawn with scissors. 41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend". 46. Make appointments for the 31st of September. 47. Invite lots of people to other people's parties. 48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage". 50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 51. Practice making fax and modem noises. 54. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 55. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. 56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting (this is REALLY annoying). 57. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 59. Honk and wave to strangers. 64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. 65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over and... 66. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone. 67. Drum on every available surface. 68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. 69. Set alarms for random times. 70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of, "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip." 71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off. 75. Begin all your sentences with, "Ohh la la!" 77. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode. 78. Pay for your dinner with pennies. 79. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. 81. Leave tips in Bolivian currency. 82. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador". 83. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. 84. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. 86. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song. 88. When driving, leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. 89. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it. 91. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. 92. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl. 93. "Forget" the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot". 94. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes". 96. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. 97. Ask to "interface" with someone. 98. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket". 99. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture". 100. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims. 101. Never make eye contact. 102. Never break eye contact. (Kinda hard to do that last two at the same time...) 103. Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results. 104. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice. 105. Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice (or bleat like a sheep). 106. Say, "Okay, you're gay," to anything someone says. 107. As people talk, smell their shoulders. 108. When in a conversation, look out the window, then say, "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention." 109. Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?" 110. Place your shoes on the table. 111. When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right. 112. When standing near a "high-class person", ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off." 113. Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's. 114. Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today. 115. Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips. 116. Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one. 117. Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off. 118. Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President. 119. Speak in a strong Welsh accent. 120. Wear odd shoes. 122. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says. 123. Throw stones at people walking past your house. 124. Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds. 126. Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told an extremely funny joke. 127. Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening. 128. Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2. 129. Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage. 130. Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too. 131. Pretend you have gone completely deaf. 132. .sdrawkcab etirW 133. Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food. 134. Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it. 135. Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants. 136. Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up! 137. Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say. 138. Drive on the wrong side of the road. 139. Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural". 141. Claim that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman. 142. Wear your cap backwards and say, "Yo, wazzup?" a lot. 144. Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin. 145. Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away. 146. Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%. 147. Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly. 149. Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the". 150. Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started. 151. Ride a unicycle to work. 152. E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows (whatever the latest version is) that aren't actually there. 153. Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat. 154. Continuously mumble during a conversation. 155. Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house. 156. When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly. (People already do that, though!) 157. Insist on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs. 158. On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns. 159. When walking down a main road, act like a drunk. 160. Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling. 161. Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant. 162. When walking, talk to yourself constantly. Be sure to mention anyone walking by. 163. Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking. 164. Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing." 165. Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!" 166. On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway. 167. After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles. 168. Push a raisin into someone's cream-filled donut. 169. Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn. 170. Add A535 (liquid heat) to that little hole down the center of someone's anti-perspirant. 174. Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonald's. 175. Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn. 176. Throw newspapers back at paperboys. 177. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants. 178. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look. 179. At random times in a conversation, say "Hi", "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you." 180. Put electrical tape over the headlights of someone's car. 181. Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family. 182. Dress like a "high-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners. Demand a dollar in a British accent. 183. When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining. 184. In an office, lock all the doors behind you. 185. Face the back when standing in an elevator. 186. Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town. 187. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. 188. Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band. 189. Ask people to prove everything they say (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!") 190. Sharpen All your pencils to the same size EXACTLY. 191. Answer every question with another question. As soon as the other person says a statement instead of a question, shout, "I win!" 192. Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things". 193. Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall! 194. Call every girl you know "dude". 196. Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "just better quality". 197. Press the "power" button on on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely, claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment. (Good idea, if you have a death wish.) 198. Call 911 and breathe heavily. 199. Take a shower. Feel guilty. Give it back. (WTF?) 200. Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's) 201. Vacuum your lawn. (See note on 200) 202. Recite Shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet. 203. Go to McDonalds and ask for a (Burger King) Whopper. 204. Order a pizza and ask them exasperatedly if they can "please put the crust on top this time". 205. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you, ask, "Is that a threat?" 206. When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off. 207. Also, when riding up an elevator with a stranger, start singing a song that everyone knows, then expect them to start singing too. If they do not start singing, insist, "Everyone knows that song. Are you stupid?" 208. While walking make car noises loudly (e.g. changing gears). 209. Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation. 210. Go up to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly. 211. Finish each sentence with "monkey see, monkey do". 212. Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school. 213. Pretend you are invisible. 214. Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language. 215. Spend all day at a fast food restaurant and see how long it takes before you have to pay for your "free" refills. 216. Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?" 217. While going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!" for no apparent reason. 218. Call everyone a communist. 219. Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise. 220. Call your neighbors collect. 221. Whenever someone finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?" 223. Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly" and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle. 224. When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises. 225. Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?" 226. Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking. 227. Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Whoa, I never knew I had this!" 228. While driving if you see a "How am I driving" bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a great job. 229. When driving with companions in the car, every few seconds slam on the brakes and insist that a squirrel ran in front of you. 231. Whenever anybody says anything to you, respond by saying, "I know." 232. Send this list to all of your friends through email. 233. Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over. 234. Tap someone on the shoulder repeatedly. 235. Begin every sentence with, "By the Gods!" 236. When you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling, "I don't see your name on it!" 237. When in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial. 238. At a restaurant, repeatedly send your food back for changes and after awhile insist that, "This isn't what I ordered!" 239. Go to a shoe store and try on every shoe, then say that you aren't interested in buying shoes and leave. 240. Put powdered sugar in your hair, sit down next to a stranger, and scratch your head a lot. 241. Turn on the Talk Radio Stations in your car, roll down your windows, and headbang. 242. Walk around with a plastic sword and shield and tell strangers, "I must avenge the death of my father". 243. Scotch tape your door as an anti-theft device. 244. Superglue quarters to floors. 245. Put the wrong date and year on the papers you hand in to your teachers. 246. Call random numbers and say, "Hi, this is Julie from Basken Robins. If you can name 31 flavors in 31 seconds you get a free scoop." 248. Get two cell phones and talk to yourself on them in front of other people. 249. Make a loud and abrupt noise when nobody is looking, then face the other direction when everybody looks your way, pretending the sound came from behind you. 250. Lend a book to someone, but staple the middle together. 251. Lend someone a book, but rip out the climax. 251. When making a list use the same number twice. 252. Spel esy wordds rong. 253. Pronounce people's names wrong every time you meet them. 255. Delete random numbers from lists of annoying things and see if people notice. 256. After deleting the random numbers from said lists, see if people will go back and check. 50 Things You Didn't Know About Me Until You Read This!(9/19/2011) 1. What color is your toothbrush? Currently green, but it changes. 2. Name one person who made you smile today: My premium. 3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning: Sleeping. 4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Writing. 5. What is your favorite candy bar? Golazo 6. Have you ever been to a strip club? Nope. 7. What is the last thing you said aloud? "carajo!” 8. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? minth ALL THE WAY!!! 9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Coke. 10. What is your lip gloss of choice? Hmm? 11. What was the last thing you ate? Fruit salad :P . 12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Nope. 13. The last sporting event you watched? Some random soccer match. 14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Wait a sec, there is more than one popcorn flavor? O.O 15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? Someone... 16. Ever go camping? No. 17. Do you take vitamins daily? No.. 18. Do you go to church every Sunday? I'm atheist, why should I? 19. Do you have a tan? A tan? 20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Pizza. 21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? No. 22. What did your last text message say? “Understood”. 23. What are you doing tomorrow? Hmm, the usual. 25. Look to your left, what do you see? A wall. 26. What color is your watch? Black and silver. 27. What do you think of when you hear Australia? Kangaroos. 28. What is your birthstone? I don't know. 29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Fast food place. 30. What is your favorite number? Erhhh... 20? 31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone? My mother. 32. Any plans today? Get some sleep and then...hmm...I'll see what's next. 33. How many states have you lived in? We don't have states, but I've lived in 2 different countries. In Chile, I lived in one “region” and spent some vacations in another region. As for what concerns to Uruguay, I lived in one “department” and spent vacations in another. 34. Biggest annoyance right now? A slight itch on my left hand. 35. Last song listened to? I Will Survive. 36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Perhaps. 37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? Sort of. 38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? The ones I like. 39. Are you jealous of anyone? Rich people. 40. Is anyone jealous of you? Perhaps the noobs I pwnd at some video games (if not, then they're very angry at me) 41. Do you love anyone? My family and my friends probably, and, of course, myself. 42. Do any of your friends have children? No. 43. What do you usually do during the day? Wake up, get to college, study, settle some things, rest, play video games, read, write, practice english, just naming some things, don't feel like naming more stuff... 44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? I find the word “hate” as a very strong word. I actually dislike some people, but not hate them... don't have to now. Nobody ever managed to hurt me bad enough or cause me to go “yhiaaaajj” for me to hate that someone. 45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Kinda. 46. What color is your car? Don't have car. 47. Do you like cats? Yup. 48. Are you thinking about someone right now? No. 49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Huh? 50. How did you get your worst scar? I fell. If you could trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why? No f-ing way! I like to remain unseen! Having over half of the world watching me is not worth any amount of money! What have you found to be the best way to relieve tension? Relax and breath deeply. If you could choose only two movies to watch ever again, what would they be? Lord of the rings and Star Wars. Name three things you wanted as a child but never got. A enormous amount of fireworks, a flame thrower and a portable black hole... I was kind of a demanding kid. If someone told you had exactly 9 minutes to live, what would you do in those 9 minutes? Write my last will and then meditate. Describe your dream house. Nah don't feel like... just picture a decent home. Do you believe people are basically good? Some are, some are not. What is the most expensive article of clothing you’ve ever purchased? I don't know. What are your worst habits? I don't clean the house up too much, as I'm supposed to, maybe that's one. Who is the person you know with the purest soul? Purest?Hmm... that's a hard one, some of my ex-class mates maybe... Describe the happiest day of your life. When I finished high school!Not giving details. Describe the saddest day of your life. I'm not sure... I had plenty of sad days in my life, dunno which is the saddest. What is the oldest age you would like to be alive? 90, but more would be nice. What was the best year of your life? Perhaps when I was 13. Who is the most successful person personally known to you? My father. Who is the most outrageous person personally known to you? My bro perhaps... What is your biggest regret? Not taking care of a certain task I was supposed to accomplish. If you could choose only one music CD to ever listen to again, what would it be? I don't know. You can go back in time and prevent a great catastrophe. Which one would you prevent? Chilean 2/27 aftermath's tsunami, to be in the right place, so I could listen to the warning that was sent, which unfortunately was not understood by the guy who was supposed to understand it, and then warn everyone else. Maybe that way, more lives could have been saved. If you went to a beach and it turned out to be a nude beach, would you stay and go swimming? Would you swim nude? Maybe, not completely sure right now. If you were at a friend’s house for dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do? Throw the whole food to the trash can and do the dish a lot, not without telling why I'm doing so. If you were elected to be leader of a foreign country tomorrow, what country would you want it to be and what would be your first official act? No way! Pfff! I more like the “I take orders” guy. I wouldn't like being in charge of something that big... not in real life anyways, taking care of an empire, civilization, space ship fleet, race, world or whatever in a RTS is another tale. If money were no object, how many children would you want to have? Maybe 3. 13 things PMS Stands for: 13. Pass My Shotgun Some stories: The following are fifteen true ( I assume ) stories, regarding premarital sex and/ or religious people's thoughts on close relationships. Although I do not agree with Christianity in several aspects due to my atheism, I'm aware of the amount of followers of The Lord in this site, so that plus another motive, is why I decided to post this into my profile. Story 1:One teen explained the effects of her sexual involvement in these words: … Having premarital sex was the most horrifying experience of my life. It wasn't at all the emotionally satisfying experience the world deceived me into believing. I felt as if my insides were being exposed and my heart left unattended…I know God has forgiven me of this haunting sin, but I also know I can never have my virginity back. I dread the day that I have to tell the man I truly love and wish to marry that he is not the only one, though I wish he were…I have stained my life—a stain that will never come out. Story 2:Another girl described her experience this way: After you've done it, you're really attached to that guy. It's as if he's your life; you feel really vulnerable. When the relationship ended, I felt really awful. I can't describe it. About a week after we had sex, we broke up because I found out he was dating other girls. It really hurt. Story 3:One woman wrote: I wish I could tell every young adult in America that you truly will reap what you sow. Cohabitation may seem wonderful initially (sin is so deceiving!), but eventually it creates more problems than you can imagine. I lived with my boyfriend for two years before we got married. I knew I was breaking my parents' hearts, as well as my Heavenly Father's heart! My boyfriend was not a Christian, but I figured I could change him if we moved in together. The "this-is-yours, that-is-mine" mentality that enabled us to "successfully" live together completely unraveled once we got married. We had become too separate and too selfish, making it nearly impossible to become "one flesh." The honeymoon was over before the wedding day ever arrived. Story 4:Alicia At the beginning of this year, I had a friend named Rick. Rick and I would talk forever. We became so close that our feelings developed into more romance than just a friendship. We started dating, and one thing led to another. I often wondered how far was too far, but I had decided I could stop whenever I wanted to. Whenever I was at Rick's house, we would always go to his bedroom to be alone. He had such a large family that his room was the only place we could talk. Innocently, we would sit on his bed. After we started dating, it was harder to just sit there with each other. Kissing came first, and we found it harder and harder to stop there. Even after we became involved in heavy petting, I still believed I could stop before we actually did it. After a few months of this, I found that I didn't want to stop. Then one night it happened—we had sex. It was worse than I could even imagine. I felt dirty and very separated from God. I hated myself for doing something I've grown up believing was so wrong. I had the guiltiest feeling I've ever had. Rick walked me to my car and asked me what was wrong. I burst into tears. I told him that I hated it. I never wanted to do it again. Then Rick told me that he loved me, and the weirdest thing was that I couldn't tell him I loved him back. I had no feelings for him anymore. We sat in front of his house for a long time. We both cried. We knew what we did together was wrong. I didn't see Rick for three weeks because he was out of town. During that time I prayed about it, not knowing what else to do. While we were separated, I realized what a real Christian relationship should be like, and I also realized that the relationship Rick and I had was the total opposite. I learned what was right and reassessed my morals. I asked God for forgiveness and started my life over. I still care for Rick, but I know if we are to have a relationship, it must be based on God. Now I know that "too far" doesn't mean only intercourse, but also the stages leading up to it. Too far is when you crave the physical more than the spiritual. Too far is when sexual thoughts take over your relationship. Too far is when you don't want to stop. It can be different for different people; it can be holding hands, kissing, or hugging. With God's help, I can be pure from this day on. Story 5:Rob I had been dating this girl for about five or six months. She was my first real girlfriend. After a few months, I started testing her and how far she would let me go. She kept letting me do whatever I wanted. Well, I believe we went too far. We never had sex, but it got to the point where all we would do on dates would be mug and touch each other. I knew it was wrong, so I started becoming very guilty about all that was taking place. We were best friends, and now we only talk every once in a while. It took a year before I asked God to forgive me for what I had done. During that year, I had many nightmares about what I had done to this girl and felt so guilty. I still have bad memories of the experience, and I know that the devil keeps bringing it u, but I also know God forgave me for what I did. I believe it was a learning experience I will never forget. Story 6:Jennifer In September of this year, I had the biggest crush in the world on this gorgeous college guy. I was only 16, so I thought I had no chance with him. One day, though, one of his closest friends told me he was interested in me. I was ecstatic. Guys never noticed me before, and now I had a chance with an incredible college guy. I thought everything was perfect. When he finally asked me out, I was shaking so hard. I thought there was no way things could get better, and they didn't. Everyone warned me about him. I didn't hear one single good thing about him, yet I still liked him. My brother begged and threatened me about it, but I wouldn't stop. Our first date passed, and he didn't try to kiss me, so I thought there was no way he was using me. On our second date, we went to the movies. I was so nervous because I'd never kissed anyone before, and I thought he would try. He did, and I did kiss him, which led to light petting. After that, he wouldn't stop. I kept saying no, and he kept trying. I pushed him away, and he tried again. It scared me, but not enough to stop liking him. On our third date, everything went wrong. We were alone together, and first thing, he kissed me; then he took me over to the bed and turned out the lights. Things started getting pretty intimate, so I started pulling away. He wouldn't let me, though. I started saying, "No, no," over and over again, but it was like he didn't hear. He pinned me down and did different things to me. I just kept saying, "No." He started saying things in a mean tone like, "Don't be a baby," "Grow up," "Stop trying to be so good all the time." Things happened that night too terrible to describe. Story 7:Michael I messed up big time my junior year of high school. I started having regular sex with my girlfriend. I was a Christian, therefore the momentary pleasure was there, but the relationship was a miserable one. I am still scared from the instances that took place. It took me until the summer before my freshman year at college (during camp) before I realized that God had already forgiven me, but I wasn't letting go. I found out that I have to totally let go of something to keep it from holding me down. I will never completely forget what happened during my junior year in high school. But I worship an awesome and forgiving God. I know I shall reap what I sow, and that is the most important thing to know. I can't tell you how ashamed I am, all because of a few months of pleasure. The biggest statement I would like to make is the fact that I would give anything to take it back and to have my virginity still to this day. Hang on to it; you will only know later how happy you'll be! Story 8:Robin When I met Bobby, I trusted him to know how far we could go without making love. He was in the driver's seat. He was also insecure. He would tell me over and over how he loved me, how he was sure that I didn't love him as much as he loved me. It was then that I set out to prove it. I was his-110% his. The first time we made love, I had no idea what was going on. Afterward, he didn't speak; he passed out. I was so alone. I've never hated myself more. But it was done, my virginity was gone. It didn't matter after that, sex became an everyday occurrence. My only fear was losing Bobby. He was the first, and even if he treated me bad (and there were those times), I was going to do anything I could to hang onto him. Slowly we drifted apart. He wanted to go out with other girls. I loved him, and he fooled me into thinking he loved me too. The day I left for the summer, we made love—yeah, it was fun—but it was just actions. That same evening, he told me he was going to see other people. I went through misery the next 10 days, being away and knowing I was carrying Bobby's child. I wasn't real sure, but I knew something was up. How was I going to explain this to Bobby? Then I began to scheme. I got excited and thought, "Sure, he'll want to get married." Finally I had him, and if not him, I had a part of him anyway. I wouldn't have an abortion—that was out of the question. I'd either marry Bobby or run off and have the child myself. Funny how Bobby controlled my mind. I told him one night after we had made love down in his basement. I thought since he was so in love with me, that now was the time to break the news. He really lost it—he got all defensive and said that there was no possible way he could marry me and that he didn't even want to. I got scared and told him I was just kidding. He breathed a sigh of relief but remained cold. It was not too long after that I told him the truth and had the pregnancy confirmed by a doctor. Bobby had stuck by his guns about not marrying me and said if I kept the child, we were through. At that point, I was helpless. I wanted more than anything to talk to my mom, but I could not hurt her with this kind of news. Looking back now, I should have talked to her. Bobby stuck by me long enough to make sure I had the operation. He called me every day or wrote and made me feel like he still cared. I went in that day by myself to do the one thing I was most against [abortion]. I talked to Bobby that night, and then he took off. He stuck around long enough to make sure I got rid of the evidence, then left me on my own. I can't explain the feelings I have inside me now. I've never thought less of myself or felt more like trash. How could I have been so naive? I loved him, but he never knew the meaning of the word. I still have nightmares, and at times I hate myself. Abortion is much, much deeper than scraping of that uterus lining. It involves the destruction of one's whole being, the loss of any self-respect, and, the saddest of all, a guild-ridden existence. Story 9:Catherine Having Sex Was a Big Mistake! Last year, I had a Christian boyfriend who meant the world to me. When we broke up, I was miserable. But what was worse than losing my boyfriend was the horrible realization that a big part of me went with him. We had been sexually active. I was left with shame, guilt and a broken heart. I felt that because of my sin, nobody could ever love me again. I still can't get through a day without thinking about the things we did and feeling horrible about them. Even though I know God has forgiven me, I'm still struggling to forgive myself. I won't forget the pain for a long time. The few minutes of pleasure were definitely not worth a lifetime of guilt. I wish somehow I had been aware of the consequences of my actions before I let my hormones take over. Because sex is glamorized in our society, I ignored the teachings of the Bible. As a result, I caused grief to myself and God. I want to tell other teenagers it's just not worth it. Pregnancy and STDs aren't the only risks. I'm left longing for real love, but I fear I'll never find it. I'm writing in hope that others won't make the same mistake I did. I got a lot more than I bargained for. Story 10:It's been a year and four days since the dreadful day that I went against everything I believed in. I sinned against God, against myself and against my family. You see, I was brought up in a very strict Christian environment and I knew premarital sex was wrong which made what I did 1000 times worse because I sinned knowingly. Losing my virginity has caused many problems in my life. For the longest time I cried myself to sleep, I felt dirty and ashamed of myself. A few days ago I finally mustered up enough courage to go and get tested for STD's. I'm still waiting one the results. I know God has forgiven me, I'm sure he did the very first time I asked for forgiveness. But I'm having a very hard time forgiving myself. You see I was 21 at the time that I lost my virginity. And all the 21 years of my life I planned on waiting for marriage. But "worldly" feelings got the best of me, lust controlled me, and I lost all sight of what my morals, beliefs, standards were. I cannot erase my past, I cannot go back in time and redo it. The only thing left to do is to learn from my mistake, and start over again. It just kills me that what I used to say was going to be my wedding gift for my husband on the night of our wedding, is no longer possible. Please people think long and hard before you do something that will have an affect on the rest of your life. This is not something that you get over easily. Have the strength to listen to God, listen to your heart and say “NO” Name Withheld If I had sex with another girl, there are two things I know would happen. I would never be able to forget her, and because of that, I would compare her with my wife in the future. This would make it harder not only in my sexual relationship with my wife, but I also wouldn't be able to accept her for who she really is. But if there are no past memories on which to base a comparison, then acceptance of my wife is so much easier. Story 12:In the book “Choices” ,it says, "Sex causes you to compare one person with another." If you have premarital sex, you could find yourself comparing your spouse to the person you had sex with before. Regardless of whether you say your spouse is better or worse than the previous person, you are still concentrating on that person and not on your spouse. Story 13:II lost my virginity when I was 15. We stopped seeing each other a week later, and I spent the following four months in a tailspin of guilt and depression. I finally broke down one night and told my mother what I had done. She and I both cried together, and then she told my father who threatened to kill the guy who had done this he actually got out his gun as he ranted and raved. After he calmed down I got the “no sex before marriage” talk - only it was too late. I had never felt so dirty, ashamed, and ultimately heartbroken. Telling my parents relieved some of my guilt, but I was still experiencing a roller coaster of emotions and felt that the only way I could boost my self-esteem was to find another guy. Which I did—again and again. I proceeded to have a series of unsuccessful sexual relationships over the next three years which kept me locked into a vicious cycle—I would go from emptiness and self-loathing to instant gratification and euphoria, and then back to self-loathing. Even when I stayed with one guy for almost a year, the end result was still the same—we were ripped apart against the strong bond we had made through our sexual union, and it was devastating for both of us. The emotional turmoil I have experienced from all that has been tremendous and long lasting. Fortunately, I committed my life to Christ when I was 18, and in the past two years, God has healed my heart and spirit. It took a long time for me to believe that any godly man could ever want me after what I'd done; it was excruciating to learn how to forgive myself and truly believe that I was holy once again. Now I do know that God has restored my purity, my virginity, and I will keep it safe until my wedding night—but I will never be able to change the past. It is a story that will have to be told over and over, to my future husband, children, and others. I pray this will be a blessing in some way to all who read it. 20-year-old college student from Alabama Story 14:My name is Tonya, I have a story I would like to share for everyone. I am 22 years old and when I was 16 I first started having sex with a guy who was 20. We had been dating and getting to know each other ever since I was 15. Well, things were going good for a while and then a little after my 17th birthday I found out I was pregnant. I thought, how could this happen, things like this is not suppose to happen to girls like me. I was 3 months from graduation and 6 months from attending my dream college with 2 year scholarship and the other 2 would be left up to me and my parents. I was so afraid and my ex and I decided we would keep the baby and get married. Well, the marriage never happen he said he was not ready. My daughter was born 6 months after I graduated from high school. It has been really hard taking care of her. I started college full-time in my town so I could be close to family. It is now 4 years later and I am still in college full-time and will graduate in May 2003 with my bachelor's degree. It has been “extremely” difficult for me because I cannot do many of the things my friends do. I cannot easily say hey, I am going to Florida or Cancun for spring break. I cannot easily say, sure I will come to the party Friday night. It is hard trying to find someone to date around my age because many guys don't want to date anyone who has children and hey, who blames them for not wanting to deal with the excessive baggage. I truly wished I did not give in to peer pressure. I truly wished I would have waited like I was told. I did not think an honor roll student like myself ending up pregnant. I thought Hey, this is not going to happen to me. After, all we were careful and I was on birth control but news flash people can and do end up pregnant even with birth control, you won't believe the numbers it is like 1 out of every 100 women. I truly believe that it is not too late to stop having sex and become born again. After I had my daughter and her father left us I decided that I would wait until I am married before I have sex again. It has been four years since I said that and I can honestly tell you that I have not had sex. It is not too late to change if you truly want to change. For 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “ Flee from Sexual immorality.” If you think it can't happen to you, you are wrong. It could very easily happen to you and will change your life forever. Also, something else to think about STD's like AIDS is very real. I was lucky that I did not catch anything but it could have happen. It can happen to you to unless you wait until you are married. Tonya D. Story 15:I'm Glad I Waited When I graduated from high school, one of my relatives gave me a subscription to Campus Life. Your column and one particular story have had a profound effect upon my life. The story was about a young man and a locket. Every time he got into a serious relationship, he gave the girl a beautiful new locket. On his wedding night he gave his bride a locket, but by that time he had given away so many, the locket didn't seem very special anymore. You opened my eyes to the importance of virginity. As I've become an adult, I've seen the unhappiness that premarital sex has caused in a number of my friends. After a couple of dates with a guy, I would tell him the "locket story," and inform him that I was a virgin and planned to be one until I married. Of course, there were some guys I never heard from again, but that didn't always happen. I discovered there are guys who value virginity. I have dated two guys who were virgins themselves. One is now a very dear friend. He introduced me to my fiance Jeff. When Jeff and I get married, we will both be virgins. This has been so important because during the years we've dated, we've developed a strong relationship built on a deep friendship. From what I have seen, sex can sometimes get in the way and cause people to stay together who perhaps should be apart. I have no doubt about Jeff and me, because sex is not "fogging" our minds. Thank you for the influence you had on me. May God bless you. WHAT TO DO IN AN EXAM YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAYS: 1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level. 4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. 5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min. 7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. 8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. 9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. 10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. 11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam. 12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly. 14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.) 15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy). 16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. 18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story. 19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave. 20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. 21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. 22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave. 23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary. 24. Masturbate(not recommended, even though the rest of the stuff in this part already sounds way nonsense). 25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" 26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! 27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. 28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" 29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai. 30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. 31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her. 32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." 33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..." 34. Fake an orgasm. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #_ moved you, deeply (got a few doubts about this one) 35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect. 36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam. 37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen. 38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby. 39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle. 40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour. 41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it. 42. Dress like the professor. 43. Cross-Dress. 44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam. 45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras. HOW COULD YOU? - By Jim Willis, 2001 When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog ," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family, " but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the 2 nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago & made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads & asked "How could you?" They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her . It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty. A Note from the Author(that means, not the owner of this profile): If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Please use this to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay & neuter animals in order to prevent unwanted animals. Please pass this on to everyone, not to hurt them or make them sad, but it could save maybe, even one, unwanted pet. Remember...They love UNCONDITIONALLY. TEN FIRSTS NINE LASTS EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS Top List of Thing on What NOT To Do 1. Do write in code on notes, and try to pass it to a friend in a class where the teacher is crazy and believes in aliens, he will report you. 2. If someone is yelling at you, do not fix your shirt, unless you have a good reason(...or not) 3. Talk to your imaginary friend while your dad (or mom) is yelling at you. 4. Tell your overachiever yet also very gullible- best friend that the reason you are 3 hours late to was because you were taken to the police station for questioning when really you had an appointment that ran really late. 5. Do not use the word gullible in a sentence, if you do not know how to use it. (see #4 for an example) Note any words that are underlined, IGNORE. 10 Commandments of a Teenager(I'm not a teenager anymore, but whatever) 1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. 5 ways to open a banana: 1. Hack it into small pieces and then use a spoon to get the little pieces of banana out of their little peels. 2. Tie the banana to a tank of gas then throw the tank into the air and shoot a flaming arrow through it. 3. Stomp on it until the insides squishes out through the top. 4. Drill a hole through it and then use a toothpick to get the insides of the banana out. And last but not least... 5. Simply peel it. Pick the month you were born: Pick the day (number) you were born on: Pick the color of shirt you are wearing: 26 THINGS THAT A PERFECT GUY WOULD DO! 1. Know how to make you smile when you are down . (ofc that was addressed to ladies, but, I just felt like pasting it ;P) Excerpt from a dog's diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 5:00 PM – Dog food for dinner! My favorite thing! Excerpts from a Cat's Diary. Day 983 of my captivity. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage... Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now... This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this: Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K And K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G WHO IS YOUR ROLE MODEL?? Try it without looking at answers 1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9 2) Multiply by 3 then 3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the calculator...) 4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number…. 5) Add the digits together Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL 1. Einstein 2. Nelson Mandela 5. Bill Gates 6. Gandhi 7. Brad Pitt 8. Hitler 9. Napoleon 10. Barack Obama (I chose 7... so... Napoleon? O.o) What love can do... There was One day, He asked Her (ouchy...) DORMITORY: PRESBYTERIAN: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE : SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: Now for some notes on helping you get on in life. 1.Do not introduce self as role playing character in public. 2.Do not talk to fictional characters in public. 3.Do not answer fictional characters in public. 4.Do not talk to inanimate objects in public. 5.Do not go out in public. 6.Disregard above note. Perform numbers 1 to 4. 7.Note expressions. 8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you. 9.Floor is slippery when wet. 10.Lake is slippery when dry. 11.Only talk to strangers you know. 12.Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all. 13.For legal purposes be sure to delete above note. 14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you. 15.Kill them for security purposes. 16.Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings. 17.Make a scene whenever humanly possible. 18.The men in white coats are not your friends. 19.Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects. 20.When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket. 21.Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning. 22.Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. 23.Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age. 24.Always remember, um... um... Damn. 25.Train army of flying monkeys. 26.Goldfish don't like milk. 27.Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits. 28.Find out who invented the word "pianist". 29.People are staring at you. 30.So act insane. 31.People are weird, but not as weird as me. 32.Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth. 33.Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people. 34.Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experiance. Do this as much as possible. 35.You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding. 36.Never pet a burning dog. 37.Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka. 38.Naked men dig parkas. 39.Beware the naked man who offers you his parka. 40.You know what would look good on you? 41.Immolated cockroaches. 42.Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug. 43.The size of Danny DeVito. 44.Making an amusing facial expression. Like this. 45.Numbers are evil. Count in clovers. 46.Stalking is fun. Do it more. 47.Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!" 48.No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world. 49.That way is rum. 50.Constipated people don't give a sh-t. 52.You cannot kill the snow. 53.The snow can kill you. 54.Grass can also kill you. 55.The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms... 56.Catch and castrate leprechaun. 57.HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say. 58.Staple paper in the middle of the page. 59.In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally. 60.You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that. 61.Pretend to be so around teh n00bs. 62.Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon. 63.Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway? 64.Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork. 65.Remember to kill HIM... 66.Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood. 67.Note reactions. Avoid parents. 68.The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory. 69.Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice. 70.Hide the bodies, otherwise peole ask embarressing questions. 71.Eat the evidence. 72.But not if it's broken glass. 73.When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run. 74.Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids. 75.Disregard last note. 76.Note reactions. 77.On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year. 78.Stock up on ball point pens. 79.Learn to fly. Tell no one. 80.The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing. 81.Do not stick fingers into blender. 82.Blender... Bad... Ouch. 83.Blood loss is bad. 84.Find way to re-attatch fingers. 85.Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM. 86.Answer every question with a question. 87.Ask people what gender they are. 88.Note reactions. 89.Refer to people as "mortal". 90.The Seagull From Hell is out to get me. 91.Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible. 92.Start by drowning them in fire ants. 93.Find the creators of pop-up messages. 94.Kill them. 95.Brutally. 96.Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination. 97.Dunk head in boiling water. 98.Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7. 99.Gullible IS written on the ceiling! (where?!) 100.Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down... 101 things to do in Walmart (I believe there are wal-marts here, but they have a different name) (my comments): 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations (choose wisely). 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store (needless to say what the others are gonna think about that...). 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day (there are lots, good luck with all of them). 4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in (just go ahead). 5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"(only if you are a girl) 6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department ( same as just one thing before). 7. Try on bras over top of your clothes (do I need to remember you?). 8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms (it's gona be hard to get away with that one...). 9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and candy" ( O.O ). 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 7 in Housewares," and see what happens (codes? Do they actually use them?) . 11. Tune all the radios to a polka station, turn them all off and turn up all the volumes to the max (be ready). 12. Play with the automatic doors (that means, not running up to them, or it's gonna hurt...a little, but still). 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment (omg...). 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?" (people is not gonna be nice with you after that) 15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department (rich people is not gonna be nice with you). 16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually ( O.o ). 17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins (those better be good). 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field (have a plan, in case you break something). 19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!" (errhh...lol?) 20. Put M&M's on layaway (but... aren't those... chocolate things?) . 21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas (hmmmmm...? weird prank ) 22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath (of course) . 23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners (don't get caught). 24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics (ehehehehem, well sour about that). 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!" ( random stuff... ftw). 26. TP as much of the store as possible (are you serious?). 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles (someone might fight back, so be ready). 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hell" upside down (huh...). 29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" ( you can bet they will go “wtf?” ) 30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!" (their reaction...look out) 31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. (I only pretended! It still counts though!) (whatever) 32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men (make it epic). 33. Take bets on the battle described above ( I bet 5 bucks on the x-Men). 34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!) (hmmm?) 35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible (lol). 36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room (careful). 37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible." (make it quick) 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags (ahhhhh?) . 40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags (yet, more ahhhhh?). 41. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them (tell them you're really, really active at...well, you know what). 42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store ( O.o ). 43. Two words: "Marco Polo." (Huh?) 44. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc (oww...). 45. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics (in other words, mess them up). 46. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels (lol?). 47. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them (pretty nice one!) . 48. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions (wanna start up a scene?). 49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!" (hahahah, lol!) 50. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out (erhhh... really?). 51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it (just suit yourself and get comfortabe, you must be tired after doing all those things above). 52. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie." (try to make someone go “awwww”) 53. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles ('kay...). 54. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word ( that person is gonna say. Hey! WTF? ). 55. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department (don't forget the creepy look). 56. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon (and force them to answer). 57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles ( give it a shot!) . 58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)." (lol) 59. Hold indoor shopping cart races (hmm). 60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit (if you're good enough, you might even get some cheers). 61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles (this is likely going to piss them off badly, so get ready to run friggin' fast). 62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out (enjoy as much as possible). 63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap ( if they don't accept, shame on them!. 64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time (lol?) . 65. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?" (errh... what?) 66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?" (be creative) 67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive." ( don't forget to give your opinion) 68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters ( but messages with sense). 69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they don't realize it ( don't forget to watch their reactions). 70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign (gonna be a little bit tough). 71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag (have fun). 72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming!" (make people go “omg!” with your warning, if possible) 73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes (lol). 74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices (aha, aha). 75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane (but...bah, whatever). 76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle) (xD!) 77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!" (rofl) 78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight (what?). 79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over (remember, not too heavy objects). 80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap ( O.o ) . 81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section (they could use some, right?) . 82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls (and win the upcoming discussion) . 83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner (enjoy). 84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens ( actually, record it). 85. If people aren't looking at their cart, steal it (seriously?). 86. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smily face!" ( xD!) 87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund (see if it works). 88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught (you should have enough money though, just in case) . 89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms. (That's just sick, so I snuck my friends dog in Walmart, and he did it! So, that counts!) (lol?) 90. Repeatedly say "The clowns are not eating me." (that's good, isn't it?) 91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name (omg...). 92. Rearrange items as you see fit (owww). 93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere ( I... no, no, no I''m not gonna think about that!). 94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs (Woot?). 95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex) (o.O). 96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recommended) (obviously...). 97. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items (yes!!!). 98. Follow someone until they notice (if possible, freak them out). 99. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7 Up commercial (you sure about that?). 100. Throw Skittles at people and scream "TASTE THE RAINBOW!" (Omg!!!) 101. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here (why not? You have done 100 crazy things already). ~24 things to do in an elevator~( O.O hmmmm...) 1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead while muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" ~18 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity~(Nice!) 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. YOU KNOW YOU ARE AN AUTHOR IF... You talk to yourself a lot (which also means you're weird). You talk to yourself about talking to yourself (which means you are even more weird). When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else (if that's the case, then I believe you have done well keeping yourself under control... I guess). After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...' You live off of sugar and caffeine You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it (actually, I do). You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome. People think you have A.D.D. You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago. And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101 (wait a sec, what's that?). Once upon a time, a guy was driving his motorcycle, his girlfriend was with him, but he was driving way too fast... Girl: Slow down. I'm scared. Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No its not. Please it's too scary! Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down Guy: Now give me a BIG hug. Girl: *hugs him* Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself? It's bugging me. In the paper the next day: A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. 2 people were on it but only 1 survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die. If your heart melted when you read this, copy and paste this on your profile. (Such a sad story...*sighs* but a noble act I believe) -AS A TODDLER, (Similar to the previous one, I thought you'd like to read it. Nice text) Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane Intercom 1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore 2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know 3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does? 4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just kidding. 5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin' 6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory... 7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you? 8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on? 9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another... (definitely not good stuff to hear) Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile. (yeh, it’s kinda cute) (You might find similar stuff to this part in my profile, but, whatever, they're not exactly the same, so... well, you get it. Just feel like adding more stuff, eventually, I'm not writing exactly the same part, twice) ~~Discription~~ ~~This or That~~ ~~Favorites~~ ~~Finish~~ Lucky Dog... Anyone who has pets will really like this. You'll like it even if you don't and you may even decide you need one! Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named 'Lucky.' Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing. Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's other favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box. It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease... in fact, she was just sure it was fatal. She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her... what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary's dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him. The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death. The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable. Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap. Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed. When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life. He had covered her with his love. Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day. It's been 12 years n o w and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky? He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure. Remember . . . live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing from God. And never forget . . . the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care for us. If you see someone without a smile today give them one of yours! Live simply. Love seriously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. A small request: All you are asked to do is keep this circulating (actually just a suggestion). Work vs Prison (well... convicts don't get any money) (The first time I found this text, was on ShadowCommando's profile) God The University professor challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?" A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!" "God created everything?" The professor asked. "Yes sir", the student replied. The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil." The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth. Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question, professor?" "Of course", replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?" "What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question. The young man replied, "In fact, sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat." The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?" The professor responded, "Of course it does." The student replied, "Once again you are wrong, sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton 's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of Darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present." Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?" Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil." To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light." The professor sat down totally deflated. The young man's name -- Albert Einstein (It was indeed, an admirable reasoning. Simple and logic) I'm sixteen years old And my life is on hold. I'm told I'm smart And have a big heart. I have eight sisters and brothers And they really are no bothers I am good in school And my friends think I am cool I get a 4.0 average It's a pretty hard challenge. I work hard in school School is pretty cool. Home is okay, But I am waiting for the day, When I pack up and leave, And take my brothers and sisters with me Because my mom is a drunk And in some other junk I'm sixteen years old And my life is on hold My sister is eighteen months old She's my silver and gold She's the youngest one And she's my bright sun Without her their is no me Because she makes me so happy. Things are going pretty good. Everyone smiles like they should Everything is just fine. I feel the sun shine. When I see them smile Everythings alright for awhile But it didn't last long enough We have to pack up all our stuff Mom is going away She won't stay. Today, life is not okay. Today, we have to go away. We are moving in with our grandmother At least we still have each other Things aren't so bad I don't need to be sad. I'm sixteen years old And my life is on hold. Things are coming back together We are having some good weather Grandma is pretty good Things are like they should Now we have more bad luck This is rerally starting to suck I'm told we might have to go To a foster home, you know. I don't want to go I can't ever go. We need to stay here This my worst fear We'll be taken in This evil sin We'll be separated And maybe even hated Noone will take us all in What will we do then We need each other Don't separate my sister and brother This can't happen My world's breakin' What do I do I need a year or two It's all coming so fast We were suppose to last I'm sixteen years old And my life is on hold Things were fine I could of handled mine I can care for them I wouldn't hurt them Can't you see They need me Don't take them from me That would be cruelty I can't let them go I love them so And I will slowly die If I have to say good-bye My future might be open But my heart would be broken. I'm sixteen years old And my life is on hold (In my 19 years of existence, I've learned that life sometimes is not fair..ufff. Such a bad luck that sixteen years old person had) This story is about a little girl that was abused: My name is Sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home. When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar. I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the wall. I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry. He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much too late His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate. The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor. My name is Sarah And I am but three, Tonight my daddy, Murdered me. child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!! Re-post or if you're against child abuse. OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. (hmm...) Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion’s guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, “Things aren’t always what they seem.” The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angel sleep in their bed where they could have a good night’s rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field. The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel, "How could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die." “Things aren’t always what they seem,” the older angel replied. “When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn’t find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren’t always what they seem.” Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don’t turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later… My Favorite Animal: dogs (cats are ok, but I don't like them too much). My Favorite Famous Quote: (rope flying sound) Get over here! (you know what's next? beat the crap out of the victim :P). How Many Different Countries Have I been to: 2 (Uruguay and Chile). Perhaps Argentina too (Well, the bus passed over there). Who Would I Most Likely Walk to the Ends of the Earth For: someone really important for me. My Oldest Family Member: My paternal grandmother My Worst Nightmare: I remember once I was standing trial (in the nightmare), but... I don't remember if I dreamed the reason or what happened next. However, I do remember that everyone else looked kinda scared of me... like if I did something really bad. It was a weird nightmare though, I never truly understood it. My Worst Pet Peeve: when my premium's pet barks over and over while I try to sleep. Last Movie I Cried In: the sixth movie of a saga that will soon come to an end (it's seven books long). Just guess...
Mummy. . . Johnny brought a gun to school Now you have two choices 1) repost and show you care 2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart (Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care) Warnings People have found on boxes and wrappers and junk like that: Bowl Fresh Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet Earplugs These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe Mattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallow Pepper Spray Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (whoops…too late)On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday (don't know the date...) of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift. Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master. . . He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher. . . He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer. . . He had no army, yet kings feared him. . . He won no military battles, yet he conquered the Word. . . He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. . . He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us. . . If you believe in God and Jesus Christ his Son then copy and paste this in your profile (ehem*clears his throat* I actually don't believe in them, but keep reading. ) If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says. . . " If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven. . . " (which means... ?) These few lines below have to do with the previous ones you just read seconds ago. Me:Well... if you happen to deny jesus, just as I do, read these few lines below: I don't know what's after life, i don't know exactly where I shall end up if I never believe, I don't know how bad the hell is, I don't know if I care about having that thing called "soul", I don't know if I even have one, I don't know how much will I suffer, shall I burn forever in the lake of fire, I don't know if I always did the right thing to do, But I DO know, that shall the things I guessed, happen to be real, I won't be alone, neither you. there were 3girls. . . They were looking through peoples The girl slowly came upon this one It had creatures in the background and the man She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was. Right then, an instant message came up. It said: SatanStalker: So how do u like my XxLoVemExX: What?? XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway?? SatanStalker: Well, you should know; XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro?? SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace. XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make SatanStalker: I just do. Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you. Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say. At the time the girl was wearing high She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living sht out of me. SatanStalker: You should be afraid. SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you They were in shock. Her friend: Holy crap man just block him The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes SatanStalker: I am. SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really XxLoVemExX: What? My house? SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out. SatanStalker: Your screen name says SatanStalker has just signed off. The girl and her friend were really friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone. They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight. All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok. Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was She goes and knocks but no one said she opens it and finds her friend there on her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head. If you do not repost this in the next two one in your room, and one killing your parents at that Tonight at 1:30am. Well what are you waiting for? (Hehehehehe. . . so, Mr murderer and company are gonna come to my house so we can play to the psycho killer?*rests his hand on his cheek with a grin of joy*Looks like I'm gonna have some fun tonight, they better be fast and cunning... ) Oh, by the way, the original message said at the end: Repost or you are going to die (These phrases are kinda nice! I had a good time reading them.) If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas. If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents Crap. Something's wrong with my phone {Really what's that?} It's just that...your number's not on it. You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall is...to fall in love with me. "I bet I can kiss you without touching you," Kiss her. "I lost that bet," I know somebody likes you but if I wasn't so shy I'll tell you myself. Your eyes are bluer than the Atlantic, and baby, I'm lost at sea! Are you lost? Because heavens a long way from here. If your here, who's running heaven? Aw, I forgot my camera, I like taking pictures of pretty girls like you~it's funny if a nine year old says it, but it's creepy if someone older says it o.O (indeed) It's a good thing I have my library card {Why?} Because I'm totally checking you out! Can you take me to the bakery? Because I want a cutiepie like you! Is your Dad an astronaut? Because someone took the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes You must be tired because you've been running through my dreams all night(xD omg! This one just cracked me up!). Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see! I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours? I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away! Was your dad king? He must have been to make a princess like you. Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot. What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room? You are the reason men fall in love. I'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you. If you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world. When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor, so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons. Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror) Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Can I borrow a quarter? I told my Mom I'd call when I met the girl of my dreams. Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes. Excuse me, but I think I dropped something, my jaw! I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment? If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. If I followed you home, would you keep me? Was your father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth! Excuse me, do you have any raisins? How about a date? Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boyfriend? God was showing off when he made you. Could you please step away from the bar? You're melting all the ice. You must be a parking ticket (or book), because you have fine written all over you. Excuse me, do you have Band-aid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you. Was your Dad in the Air Force? Because you're the bomb. Life without you is like a pencil without lead, pointless. You must be the cause of global warming. You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy. Ever wonder why you have spaces between your fingers? (A: So my fingers can fit there) I knew I recognized you. You look just like my next boy/girl friend. May I have your autograph? Why? For being the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Is your daddy a shoemaker, because you just knocked me off my feet. You look like my first wife. {How many have you had?} None. (*Stops laughing*Jeez, whoever who made these phrases is a genious, I'll definitely memorize some) Reasons why girls (think) are the best 1.They got off the Titanic first. 2. They get to flirt with systems support men who always return their calls, and are nice to them when they blow up their computers. 3. Their boyfriend's clothes make them look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in theirs. (ok) 4. They can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers (lol?). 5. They can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. They've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for them. 8. Men die earlier, so women get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. They don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. They can hug their friends without wondering if she thinks they're gay. 12. They can hug their friends without wondering if THEY'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives them a whole new lease on life. 14. For girls it's possible to live their whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. They don't have to fart to amuse themselves.(ehm...) 16. If they forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. They can congratulate their team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If they have a zit, they know how to conceal it. 19. They never have to reach down every so often to make sure their privates are still there. 20. If they're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. They don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. They have the ability to dress ourselves. (Hey!) 23. They can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. (boys can too!...but is hard sometimes) 24. If they marry someone 20 years younger, they're aware that they look like an idiot. 25. Their friends won't think they're weird if they ask whether there's spinach in their teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all their problems. 27. They will never regret piercing their ears. 28. They can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. They know which glass was theirs by the lipstick mark. *Kazu Hi, my name is Kazu. (May you rest in peace, Kazu) *IN MEMORY OF JUNKO FURUTA: THE GIRL WHO WENT THROUGH 44 DAYS OF TORTURE. Copy and Paste this to your profile if you care about this girl. In November of 1988, Boy A (then 18), Boy B (Jo Kamisaku, then 17; Kamisaku was a new family name he took after being released from prison [1]), Boy C (then 16) and Boy D (then 17) from Tokyo abducted and held Furuta, a second year high school (grade 11) student from Saitama Prefecture in Misato, for 44 days. They kept her captive in the house owned by the parents of Boy C. To forestall a manhunt, Boy A coerced Furuta into calling her own parents and telling them that she had run away from home, but was with "a friend" and was not in danger. He also browbeat her into posing as one of the boys' girlfriends when the parents of the house where she was held were around, but when it became clear that the parents would not call the police, he dropped this pretext. Furuta tried to escape several times, begging the parents more than once to help her, but they did nothing, apparently out of fear that Boy A would hurt them. Boy A was at the time a low-level yakuza leader and had bragged that he could use his connections to kill anyone who interfered. According to their statements at their trial, the four of them raped her, beat her, introduced foreign objects including an iron rod into her vagina, made her drink her own urine and was fed cockroaches, inserted fireworks into her anus, and set them off, forced Furuta to masturbate, cut her nipple with pliers, dropped dumbbells onto her stomach, and burned her with cigarettes and lighters. (One of the burnings was punishment for attempting to call the police.) At one point her injuries were so severe that according to one of the boys, it took more than an hour for her to crawl downstairs to use the bathroom. They also related that "possibly a hundred different people" knew that Furuta had been imprisoned there, but it is not clear if this means they visited the house at different times while she was imprisoned there, or themselves either raped or abused her. When the boys refused to let her leave, she begged them on several occasions to "kill (her) and get it over with". On January 4, 1989, using one of the boys' loss at mah-jongg as a pretext, the four beat her with an iron barbell, poured lighter fluid on her legs, arms, face and stomach, and set her on fire. She died later that day of shock. The four boys claimed that they were not aware of how badly injured she was, and that they believed she had been malingering. The killers hid her corpse in an 55-gallon drum filled with cement; the perpetrators disposed the drum in a tract of reclaimed land in Koto, Tokyo. The boys were arrested and tried as adults; but, because of Japanese handling of crimes committed by juveniles, their identities were sealed by the court. However, a weekly magazine Shukan Bunshun reported their real names, claiming "Human rights aren't needed for brutes."[2] Furuta's real name and details about her personal life were reported exhaustively in the media. Kamisaku was judged as a sub leader, at least according to the official trial. The four boys pled guilty to a reduced charge of "committing bodily injury that resulted in death," rather than murder. Boy A's parents sold their house for approximately 50 million yen and paid this as compensation to Furuta's family.[citation needed] For his participation in the crime, Kamisaku served eight years in a juvenile prison before he was released, in August 1999. In July 2004, he was arrested for assaulting an acquaintance, whom he believed to be luring a girlfriend away from him, and allegedly bragged about his earlier infamy. [1] Kamisaku was sentenced to seven years in prison for the beating. Junko's parents were dismayed by the sentences received by their daughter's killers, and enjoined a civil suit against the parents of the boy in whose home the crimes were committed. When some of the convictions were overturned on the basis of problematic physical evidence (the semen and pubic hair recovered from the body did not match those of the boys who were arrested), the lawyer handling the civil suit decided there was no case to be made and refused to represent them further. (There is speculation that the evidence may have been contaminated—for example, by unidentified persons who raped Furuta). One of the most disturbing parts of this true story is that her killers are now free. After putting Junko Furuta through all that suffering, they are free men. These horrifying things done to Junko Furuta had been collected through the Japanese court trial of the case, and blogs from 1989. They show the pain that Junko Furuta had to endure before she was finally dead. All this had happened to her while she was still alive. They are disturbing, but the truth. All of this had happened. (May she rest in peace. I'm personally not 100% sure this actually happened but, this is terrible) Scary Story (omg!): This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded... (rewarded? Well, I know I already posted this, but... a nice reward would be having her to pay me a visit and tell me about how it's like to be, you know, dead. Just curious.) Another scary story: "They hurt her..." About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them. FACT(hmm): About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off. Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true. If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you. (oh, no, no, no I'm pretty sure no one would like trying to get me in those places. Seriously, they're not gonna like the result.) girl meets a boy on a messenger crazy1 86: hey baby!! h0tNsPiCy91: who is this?? crazy1 86: ur secret admirer!! h0tNsPiCy91: oh really... quit lyin! who is this?? crazy1 86: i loved u the first time a stared in your eyes... crazy1 86: i think about u everyday... you are my dream come true. crazy1 86: we met once! i dont think u remember tho. crazy1 86: i cut myself because the pain takes away my feelings of u. crazy1 86: u will see me sometime tonight... h0tNsPiCy91: ..WHO IS THIS!? crazy1 86:dont worry... ill take very good care of you... crazy1 86 had signed off. The girl was so scared she locked all her doors and windows. She made sure her room was secured. She wasn't sure if it was a joke or for real. She didn't know when he was going to come. The girl was so frightened she decided to sleep with her little sister. The girl dozed off quickly. Then she heard a knock on the window. The girl slowly walked to the window. It started knocking louder. The girl looked through the windows and saw nothing... just some of the tree branches. The girl went back to bed with her sister. The bed was wet and had a pretty horrid smell. Maybe her sister wet the bed... the girl checked and found blood everywhere. The girl panicked. She didn't know what to do. She ran and hid in the closet in case the killer was there for her. While looking through the cracks of the closet the girl saw a shadow. It was dark, so she couldn't figure out who it was. She started to get more frightened. The shadow crept closer to the closet. The girl closed her eyes as if it was a dream. Then suddenly he opened the closet door and pulled her out. Her parents found her dead the next morning. She was completely skinned and hanging in her sister's closet. The younger sister was also found skinned and dead. PART 2... Two years after the Smith sisters deaths, the parents had a baby boy. The girl's room became a guest room and the little sister's room where the murder took place became the baby's room. The baby grew up to be a successful kid. One night he was on the computer and received an instant message. h0tNsPiCy91: Hey lil bro!! 2seXay4u: Who the eff is this? h0tNsPiCy91: It's your big sis. 2seXay4u: I never had a sister. I'm an only child. 2seXay4u: This is some kinda joke, huh? h0tNsPiCy91: Mom and dad never told you? h0tNsPiCy91: I died 15 years ago with your other older sister. h0tNsPiCy91: We were murdered in your room which was once my little sister's room. She was killed in bed when I was sleeping. I was killed in the closet and skinned to death. 2seXay4u: Quit lying. I never had a sister. If I did my parents would have told me. Whatever. Your stupid. h0tNsPiCy91: You don't believe me? Well if you wanna look in your closet floor. h0tNsPiCy91: I carved my name and the time and date I was being murdered. Then I carved my little sister's name. h0tNsPiCy91: If you don't believe me little brother check the internet. Google on ''Smith sisters murdered anonymously''. h0tNsPiCy91: I gtg little brother. I love you and mom and dad soo much. I can't believe they kept us a secret from you. They should burn in hell. The boy checked the closet. He saw the carvings. Was it true? He surfed the internet and information was there about the anonymous murder in the house. The next morning the boy went downstairs. It was so quiet. Maybe his parents were sleeping. Hours later the boy found his parents in their closet skinned and hanged. Then he found more carvings on the ground. They said ''I TOLD YOU I WASN'T LYING LITTLE BROTHER, I LOVED MOM AND DAD... BUT THEY KEPT ME A SECRET. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. WELL I'M FREE FROM THIS COLD WORLD, I WON'T HURT YOU LIKE I HURT THEM. I LOVE YOU!" - LISA SMITH This is a death chain letter. If you don't repost this in the next hour, the parents will kill you at night. They will kill you! (mmmmhhhh... kinda scary, but not too much) Auchy... About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone that she fell...and they believed them. Kind of a scary story... There were five girls who were all friends and were members of a sleepover club. Every Saturday, they would have a slumber party at one of the girls’ houses. One night, when the girls were having a sleepover, they heard loud noises and screaming outside. It seemed to be coming from the end of the street. They went down to find out what was happening. They learned that a woman had been murdered and the man who killed her was still on the loose. They ran home as quickly as their legs would carry them. Terrified, they locked their windows and bolted their doors. Everything was quiet for a while, but then they started to hear weird noises coming from outside. Their imaginations ran wild and they thought the killer was coming for them. Gripped by terror, they hid inside a closet and waited. They heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. The footsteps kept getting closer and closer and the girls held their breath, afraid to make a sound. Suddenly, the closet door was opened and a man stood there. The girls screamed and ran in different directions. Four of the girls went downstairs and locked the cellar door behind them. The man caught the fifth girl and took her into the bathroom, where he skinned her alive. The bathroom was right above the cellar and the four girls were forced to listen as their friend was murdered. They listened to her scratching at the floor and calling their names, but they couldn’t do anything to help her. They heard her die that night. In the morning, when the man had fled, the remaining girls came out of the cellar. When they went into the bathroom, they were confronted by a horrible sight. There, scratched into the wall was a final message from their friend: “How could you have let me die?” With tears in their eyes, they looked up and saw her flesh dangling from the knife that had skinned her. If you don’t re-post this the man will come and skin you alive too, because they haven’t caught him yet. And the girl will make sure you will die, so she can pass on the tale. Ways to Annoy people at the movie theater (don't worry if you find my in a movie theater, I won't perform any of these actions, but I wanted to let you know that I'm aware of how to annoy people at the movie theater): ~Go, "Oooooh. . . " whenever anyone kisses. ~Clap when the good guy gets killed. ~During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" ~Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!" ~Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. ~Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding. ~Yell out what is going to happen. ~Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away. ~Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is. ~Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row. ~Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are. ~Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling. ~Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel. ~Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming. ~Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino. . . ) ~Bring a beach ball. Toss it around. ~Try to start a wave. ~Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window. ~Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!" ~Sing with the theme music. ~Bring and use your own air freshener. ~At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies. " ~Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off. ~Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes. ~Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show. ~Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie. ~Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen. ~Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late. ~When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!" ~Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is. ~start a standing ovation at the end of the movie. ~Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen. ~Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head. ~Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats. ~Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself. ~Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle. ~Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room. ~Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn. ~Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!" ~Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!" ~Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!" ~Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer's name is going to be said. ~Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones. ~Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one. ~Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes. ~Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end Here's to the crazy ones The misfits. The rebels. The trouble makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them. Disagree with them. Glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can't do, is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see geniuses. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. You may wonder. . . Is this guy mad? (hell yeah!) How does this guy know so much about me? (I read your profile) Why is this guy reading my profile? (people writes profiles so others can read them, right?) Is this guy stalking me? (turn back. I'm there?right behind you looking at you like a crazy?If I'm, then yes, if I'm not, then no) Why is this guy's profile so long? (because I want it to be that way!) Is this guy a third-wolrd country terrorist willing to attack the USA (No, I'm not willing to attack the USA and I'm not a terrorist) Why is this guy writing this? (because I felt like doing so?) Is this guy gonna flame my stories? (Pfff, no) Can I flame this guy's stories? (you shouldn't) Is this guy going to write some fluffy fics? (You bet!) Is this guy going to write other fics, besides of LoZ ones? (likely) Is this guy planning on taking over the world? (nah, too busy enjoying the life) Is this guy planning on getting in the USA, legally? (yes!and I'll pay taxes and all that stuff!that's, of course if the embassy allows me) Can I punch/slap this guy in the face if I ever meet him? (don't even try) How can this guy know stuff about me that I don't write in my profile? (I'm lucky guessing, sometimes) Why did this guy sent me a PM? (because I wanted some info from you) Why is this guy's profile giving me shivers? (because you're scared for something else and my profile somehow reminds you that something?) Why this guy knows so much things about me?It's frigging creepy! (xD!I guess you're overreacting) Can I ask this guy a cookie if I meet him? (you must ask for cookies) Can I beat this guy at SC 2? (try and find out) Can I ask this guy for help? (depends, help with what?) Is this guy part of the WMB movement? (well, no, but I would like to see her coming back) What does this guy thinks about Midna? (Long live to the Twilight Princess!I shall forever remember her!) Why this guy writes in english, despite being uruguayan? (so you can understand?besides, I like english) How far away is this guy from me? (well, if english is your first language, then I'm likely very far away from you. If you speak spanish, then it's possible that I'm not so far away) What is this guy doing in Uruguay? (living?) Why is this guy standing behind me? (to say "hi") Why is this guy holding a knife? (Isn't it obvious?NO!I'm not gonna stab you!I was just getting ready to cook!) Why this guy doesn't drinks alcohol? (because I don't like it) Is this guy good at dancing? (I'm not sure) What is this guy doing at my kitchen (Don't try to stop me!*steals cookies from your kitchen* Muahahahahaha!) Can I have my cookies back? (No!) To James and Lily, Life, you, love, world... don't really have a title for this section... "There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up." "Did you ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many people have pictures of you, how many moments of other people's lives we've been in. Were we part of someone's life when their dream came true, or were we there when their dreams died? Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there? Or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it." "William Shakespeare wrote, 'Love is not love which alters when it alterations finds, it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempts and is never shaken. Love alters not with time's brief hours and weeks, but bears it out.'" Kahlil Gibran once wrote: "Your reason and your passion are your rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you could but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill amid seas. For reason, running alone, is a force confining. And passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction." "Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. A promise. Like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. A belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision to ignore, simply rise above the pain of the past. A covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. A celebration of the chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger than one, like a team braced against the tempest civil world. And love will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality. Only an announcement to the world of feelings long held. Promises made long ago. In the sacred spaces of our hearts." to the world you may be one person (nice...) (This part, I found it in someone's profile, a girl, to be more accurate. Don't remember the member's profile, but, well, even though I'm not a girl, I kinda think she put quite a bit of effort into writing this, thus, I have decided to pass it on. And, it does look like she actually knows what's she talking about) The hardest way to miss someone people who care don't matter, & people who matter don't care. Attitude changes in 5 seconds flat. you're the reason I and for a few moments, it turned my whole world around Take a chance, take a risk, Sometimes you just have Boys are great, though immature, I wanna be the one hes up all night Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again... I'm a survivor 'Cause you know I'd walk Best friends forever we say We even made a pact But now we've gone our separate ways We're not even looking back I miss those days when all you had to do was share your crayon, and you'd be best friends. MY (Not M-Lord's!) DEDICATION AND TRIBUTE: Here's to all the girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning & be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, & moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, "I only want to be your friend", one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves & misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, & even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to settle for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up & put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day & wonder "what if". This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, & cried during the entire conversation. The ones for the girls who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, & get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just tell that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts & their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that finally realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong and remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & get hurt. Remember the times you cried & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When 'your song' comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night & how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's going to hurt like crap, & it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. So this is for all those girls who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again... "Men: Can't live with them, Can't kill them without going to jail...DARN IT!"(Y) (Ah, the love...) When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back Love comes in many colors Hold on to the people you love forever, but know when to let them go. When it hurts to look back I cried last night...not because I missed you, or because I needed you...But because I realized I'd be alright without you.-dunno Wanting him is hard to get. But with all the hurt I've felt, letting go is the most painful yet. -dunno I never meant to hurt you but you're pretty when you cry...I never really loved you but I'm pretty when I lie.-dunno As an older more mature young adult your job is to...make fun of the little kids! -dunno When you were born, you were cryin' and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying. -dunno There are easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance. -dunno "a soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our trust selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are. We can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise,” We can't choose who lives and who dies. Death doesn't work like that, even if we wish it did. But life will go on, so don't be bitter for long. Even though you couldn't say goodbye they will always be with you and will always love you. So its ok to cry until your eyes run dry, but remember to keep on living, keep on believing, keep moving on, but never forgetting." Don't tell us we don't have a clue because you are scared that the melody is in our veins. Don't tell us to stop chasing because you have no tour bus to follow. Don't tell us to stop dreaming because you realized you never took the time to fall in love with anything but yourself. Don't tell us we aren't serious because we will show you the brands on our skin. Don't tell us to grow up because you didn't have a silly orange cd to help you through your adolescence. And last but not least, don't tell us we won't survive. Because we'll tell you that THE MUSIC LIVES!Author Unknown. Some quotes (and random stuff): " The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams" "In three words I can summer rise what I've learned about life: It Goes On" "There's no time like the present" "Every thing that is or was started out as a dream " "Pride can make even the most educated man into a simpleton" "one should always use ones advantages." "Even the bravest angel in heaven must admit defeat for the greater good" "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" "I don't go looking for trouble, trouble usually finds me." "Everything is always ok in the end. If its not ok, its not the end" "Never judge a book by its cover." "Do little things with great love." "Friendship makes the world go round" "Sometimes you have to listen past the words to know what people mean." "Friends are a treasure in life." "There are some things we'll never understand, but still spend a life time trying." "Death is hard. Death of a loved one is harder." "Quitters never win and winners never quit." "My sisters the devil in disguise." "When in doubt, make up words!" "When life gives you cookies, eat 'em" "When life gives you lemons, squirt them at your enemys." "There is only one happiness in life. To love and be loved." "Ask no questions and I will tell no lies." "Love is blind." "The first duty of love is to listen." "The course of true love never did run smooth." (this is a conversation I had with my friend) "So I'm going to go insane?(me) You can't go where you already are.(my friend)" "Never mind, it's complex.(person 1) The way your mind works gives a new meaning to the word complex... and not in a good way.( person 2)" "A gentleman never kisses and tells.(person1) Its a good thing your not a gentleman then.(person2) "It's funny how blind people are to whats right in front of them." "When there's nothing else to watch, watch the stars." "You sound like a self-help book. What can I say? I'm just full of worthy advice." "Make the most of the time we have with the ones we love because the won't be around forever." "Dream with love." Dream without fear." "I have found that anger never makes a situation better." "You can't go through life thinking about what could happen or what you think would happen. Sometimes, you've got to take chances." "Listen to your heart; it knows whats best for you." "Your life is yours to control. Living in fear means you miss out on so much. Embrace what you have because you never know what'll happen." "Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll land among the stars..." "There is a line between love and hate. You can only truly hate the ones you once loved. A passion that can never die." “Sometimes we let affection go unspoken. Sometimes we let our love go unexpressed. Sometimes we can’t find words to tell our feelings. Especially towards those we love the best,” "Truth is much more crueler than fiction." "If you can dream it, do it." "Home is not where you live, but where they understand you." "Sometimes a broken hearts don't mend themselves." "Every story doesn't always have a happy ending, but you can always try for one." "Life is short and death is unexpected, so live life to the fullest." "It’s easy to get overwhelmed with the small things and forget that in the grand scheme of things, whatever happens will happen.” "There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from." "Two wrongs don't make a right, but revenge doesn't count for that." "There's nothing wrong with taking to random objects, its when they start to talk back that you need to worry." “It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.” “The proof of true love is to be unsparing in criticism.” “The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.” “We gain the strength of the temptation we resist.” “War is the province of danger, and therefore courage above all things is the first quality of a warrior.” “Torture is a very humiliating experience. The goal is not to obtain information but to punish and break you so that you won’t do anything against the authorities. You are made an example to others so that they will be too terrified to do anything either.” “You can close your eyes to things that you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel.” “Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will break our hearts.” “The truly brave are soft of heart and eyes, and feel for what their duty bids them do.” “If it’s stupid but works, it ain’t stupid.” “Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” “The one condition coupled with the gift of truth is its use.” Life itself is a game. A game where the stakes and risks are high, a game where everything and anything can be placed on the line at a moment’s notice. Because what sort of game brings the thrill, the rush, without a certain amount of peril being involved? “To endure is greater than to dare; to tire out hostile fortune; to be daunted by no difficulty; to keep heart when all have lost it—who can say this is not greatness?” “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” "You know, sometimes insulting a girl who is close to murdering is sometimes considered stupid." “Three can keep a secret if two are dead” A day without sunshine is like, well, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Pardon my driving, I am reloading. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how living remains so popular? Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. You can't have everything, where would you put it? Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. Shin: A device for finding furniture As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. They say guns don't kill people, people kill people. Well, I'm pretty sure the guns help because if you stood there and shouted 'BANG' I don't think you'd kill a lot of people. One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons! There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up ( xD, nah). Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic... Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. God created man-THEN had a better idea! (which didn't piss man off, on the contrary) Your year book picture still haunts me. The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, it's encouraged! Why is that? You're a special kind of stupid, aren't you? (your point?) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary. Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that (errh... really?). So what if we act like immature idiots? We're having fun. I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours (lol). Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? (because kids are taught to solve their problems the pacific way, violence is proof of the failure of diplomacy or extremist, stubborn positions on an affair) A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. I don't obsess! I think intensely...and like all the time Boys are like slinkies; practically useless, and yet it is SO amusing to watch them fall down the stairs!! (huh...) Excuse me. Have you seen my mind? I think I've lost it... My mind works like lightning...one flash and then it's gone. Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by. If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out. I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you (I don't think there would be a second chance). If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried. I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it (same here buddy). Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on. Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me (and still hurts!). "You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. " Normal people scare me. . . but not as much as I scare them. Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!. That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back (O. o really?). Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. A wise man once said, "Ask a girl. " When in doubt, push random buttons!never push the red one, though). You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft! (Hey!grrr. . . ). There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train. Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered. . . "Dude, where the heck's my ceiling?". There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people. . . Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking. He who laughs last thinks slowest. An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work (that's actually a dead washer). They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up (I guess that's the way the life is, lol). Having the love of your life say, "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it (indeed). The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide (I knew it!). S.c.h.o.o.l: Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Lives. School for 12 years, College for 4 years, Work until you retire at 65, become an old mindless fatlump. Great .(sour about that) Sometimes I wish I could be like the white crayon in the box. That way, no one would ever use me. I don't smoke, there are cooler ways to die. There is a "lie" in believe, "over" in lover, "end" in friend, "us" in trust, and "if" in life. And after Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F (Seriously). Oh so you can join the army when your 16, but you have to be 21 to drink? (hell no! You can start to drink way early!) If 2012 does begin to happen ..We'll just have Chuck Norris interrupt it And then God created Saturn ..and he liked it, so he put a ring on it. People say you can't live without love.. I think oxygen is more important xD The guy who discovered milk, what the hell was he doing with the cow? A: having sex because he was lonely (just a theory). When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country (hey! women are gonna get more food and shops that way! So why not? We both win!). If you can't convince them, confuse them. Remember this, if someone is bothering you. It takes 40 muscles to frown, but it takes only three to stick up your middle finger and say, "Bite me!" My imaginary friend thinks you have a very serious problem... (oh really?) Yes, I hit like a guy. You could too if you hit a bit harder (I assume that first person is a girl). When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. Perfect men are only a fantasy (and women aren't? Eh?). Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is man's way of saying you can't fire me, I quit. Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that. Remember: Some people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are just underaged I'm not weird. My reality is just different from yours. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. God must love stupid people; He made so many. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. The trouble with life is there's no background music. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on. Its not until you're broken that you know what you're made of. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. When life give you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it. Everyone has a wild side--me and my friends just prefer to make them public ( but not me. Normal is just a setting on washing machines. Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck. I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? (too harsh maybe?). Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. Always take the time to smell the roses. . . and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee (auch). I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else (o.O). No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning (I do). I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself (err. . . sure?). When all else fails, use duct tape (seriously?). I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. My Reality Check bounced. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key (yup). "If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?" (that's an excellent question) "Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there's footprints on the moon. " "There are 1000 ways I could kill you, and 941 of them hurt. " "Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. " - Douglas Adams "I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! " " A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. " "Never memorize something that you can look up. " "Elvis isn't dead, he just went back home"-MIB 2 "Money doesn't buys happiness, but most of the times, it takes happiness away with it once it's gone" "To love is not a sin, because even God himself loved" "Whoever who said power corrupts, never knew to control it, only to enjoy it" "The weapon doesn't make the warrior" "The Devil knows beacuse he is The Devil, but he knows even more because of his age" "The more you practice on times of peace, the less you will suffer at war" "Don't hate those who are better than you, learn from them" "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." "The darkest nights have the brightest stars." "Anyone can give up; its the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it all together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart; that's true strength." “Quotes often used by me” “Have a nice day” finishing a response or message. “gl hf”me wishing my opponent(s) good luck and have fun (sc 2) “gg” me calling the good game after either, losing or winning (sc 2) “Sour about that lag” someone is lagging out and will turn the match into an unfair one (sc 2). “Sa'pe (awesome)” me claiming something is great. “F-- mutas!” me not having enough anti-air in the base to deal with muta harass (sc 2). “pwnd ” me cheering when a n00b runs his/her mutas directly into my archons or psi storms (sc 2). “Uhhh(in idiot tone)?” me when I get asked something and I'm tired or bored. “Wonder if this can get any worse...” me wondering that, right before it happens. “Naie me cacha (Spanish modism from a Chilean sub-language)” me claiming that anything I'm doing at the moment will go unnoticed by those who could ruin it. “¡No me rompas los hu--os!” me informally requesting someone to quit annoying me. “LLEGO EL LECHEROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!” me steam rolling my opponent's base (sc 2) “Omg, lol, stop chasing me already!” me playing a game when my character/army/ thing-I-control is about to die and someone/thing is trying to finish it off. “OMG, OMG, OMG, OM...!Meh, you know what? Whatever, I'll just wait 'til it comes to an end” me freaking out, then not giving a damn about that thing that freaked me out (or had me worried) and sitting comfortably on a couch while I read. “*face-palm* always complicating my existence” me facing a problem a did not wish to face. “*O.O* Hijo de...(Son of a...)” me after getting in trouble due to someone else. “Oh, you greedy, greedy little bastard...” me after scouting that the zerg's got 2 more bases than me (sc 2). “hmm” me going hmm (which could mean quite a bit of things, depending on the situation). “Quotes I do bear in mind every now and then (kind of serious)” “Woke up, saw the city, saw the people, saw the same grey buildings, breathed the same air, walked through the same streets but... felt like solutions are still not here just yet.” “So you say all the men are the same? Did you mean all the men you know or all the men? Because I guess you don't know every one of them... do you?” “Don't rush without planning” “God's up there, The Devil is down there, we are right in the middle of their realms... and, I must say, going down is so much easier than going up.” “Your services are no longer required.” “Money is worth what us, the humans, wish.” “You'll do good to remember that intelligence, is not the same as wisdom.” “Serenity is indeed, something looked for a lot of people” “Master and Lord of your own fate... to an extent.” “If there is a God up there, then only He may judge me, for He and only He knows the truth.” “War is just a meaningless waste of life... for who? For dreamers, idealists, smart people who can't actually tell the difference between intelligence and wisdom, or maybe, just maybe, absolutely powerless people who didn't like that ugly but pretty needed chapter in the story of the world” “Sometimes, a change is required, but, before changing, ask yourself: is it worth it? Do I need it? Do I want it?” “Our flesh won't last forever, but our legacy, our history, what we have done, can become something lingering in the memory of the future generations... that, is the closest thing mankind has to immortality, at least on the world felt by everyone.” “Or else? I mean, who's gonna stop me anyways? You? I'm after that goal, and if you get in my path you'll have two options: you stand aside or I'll set you aside” “Move, find, stalk, evaluate, plan, confirm...proceed, then move on to the next one.” “To split, is to weaken” Some of Dante's inferno quotes (or fragments of his work): “The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” “There is no greater sorrow than to recall a happy time when miserable” “The path to paradise begins in Hell” “Abandon hope, all ye enter here” “In the middle of the journey of our life I found myself within a dark woods were the straight way was lost” “Remember tonight... for it is the beginning of always” “The more a thing is perfect, the more if feels pleasure and pain” “Love insists the loved loves back” “O human race, born to fly upward, wherefore at a little wind dost thou you fall?” “And we come forth to contemplate the stars.” “No sadness is greater than in misery to rehearse memories of joy” “The man who lies asleep will never waken fame, and his desire and all his life drift past him like a dream, and the traces of his memory fade from time like smoke in air, or ripples on a stream” “They yearn for what they fear for” “As little flowers, which the chill of night has bent and huddled, when the white sun strikes, grow straight and open fully on their stems, so did I, with my exhausted force” “In His will, our peace” “Here sighs and cries and shrieks of lamentation echoed through the starless air of Hell; at first these sounds resounding made me weep; tongues confused, a language stained in anguish with cadences of anger, shrill outcries and raucous groans that joined with sounds of hands, raising a whirling storm that turns itself forever through the air of endless black, like grains of sand swirling when a whirlwind blows. And I, in the midst of all this circling horror, began “Teacher, what are these sounds I hear? What souls are these so overwhelmed by grief?” And he to me: “This wretched of being is the fate of those sad souls who had lived a life but lived it with no blame and with no praise. They are mixed with that repulsive choir of angels neither faithful nor unfaithful to their God, who undecided stood but for themselves. “A mighty flame follows a tiny spark” “Heaven wheels above you, displaying to you her eternal glories, and still your eyes are on the ground” “He who sees a need and waits to be asked for help is as unkind as if he had refused it” “The experience of this sweet life” You're a 90's kid if : You can finish this 'ice ice _' Mom (what happened in my life). . . When you were 5, your mom bought you an ice cream cone. You thanked mer by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind (I just ate it). When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming class to soccer, and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back (was I supposed to do so?I thought she wanted me to enjoy). When you were 10, your mom paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never coming to class (piano lessons?she just dumped me at school during 8 hours daily, 5 days per week, without any extra lessons). When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thanked her by talking on the phone all night (Nope, when she was doing that, I was busy talking to my brother personally). When you were 14, your mom paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter (pffff, summer camp?I never went to one or anything like that). When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked (because actually, she didn't come home looking for a hug, she came looking for me or any of my siblings in order to scold us for even the most irrelevant mess in the house) . When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got (I don't like driving -. - and I'm just starting to learn). When you were 17, your mom drove you to the mall and gave you her credit card. You thanked her by maxing it out (a credit card?My mom giving me her credit card?You can't be serious, can you?). When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn (Actually... I guess she wanted me to party until dawn, but I didn't. Besides, my high school graduation wasn't such a big deal for me, I mean, come on, I just wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as possible, seriously). When you were 20, your mom drove you to college. You thanked her by saying goodbye outside your dorm, so you wouldn't have to say 'bye' in front of your friends (by when she did, I was 18 and my friends were on the other side of the continent). When you were 26, your mom payed for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world (What?Can't I have my own life when that moment comes?). When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to children (I wont... ). Then, one day, she quietly died, and everything you did came crashing down on you (rest in peace mom and thanks for being concerned about me, every second of your life as mother. I love you, your son). If YOU love your mom, re-post this, and if you don't, you wouldn't care if your mom dies, would you? (of course I would!). READER'S RIGHTS (Yay!I didn't know there were such rights :P) "We read, to know we're not alone. " C. S. Lewis Meaning of Each Letter in Your Name (hmm) A: Hot. (huh...well, I don't think anyone can find my name hehehe ^_^, but if someone does, oww shit O.o ) Mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom. " With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children. Your daughter, Judith PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home. Copy and paste this in your profile if you think that some times we take things for granted (lol, I do, indeed. Sometimes). You know you live in 2011 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played Solitaire with real cards for years. 3.) You're shocked when you hear that people CAN actually survive without cable. 4.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or MySpace (or e-mail, I don't have MySpace or Facebook). 6.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV. 7.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 8.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 9.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 10.) And you were too busy to notice number 5. 11.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 12.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 13.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did. Good writers write because they love it. They don't stop when people don't read their stories, they just try harder. Same goes with music singers and poets. Sure, they've had unpopular songs and poems, but does that stop them? No. So keep reading, even if you have friends that don't, and keep writing, keep chasing your dreams (erhh, of course, don't keep reading if your dream is not to, but, well, you get what I mean, right?). Turn an obstacle into an opportunity, and don't let others put you down. Be yourself, and express yourself through writing (wowowoowowowoo, wait, wait, I didn't mean to mix your feelings with your fics, 'kay? It's good if you can be creative, but keep some stuff separated from other). Female comebacks Guy: Where have you been all my life? Guy: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Guy: Is this seat filled? Guy: Your place or mine? Guy: Are you single? Guy: So, what do you do for a living? Guy: Hey baby, what's your sign? Guy: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Guy: Your body is like a temple. Guy: I would go to the end of the world for you. Guy : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together If you're a girl that would say stuff like that then post this on your profile Lolz, he just got pwned! (that was said by a girl) The Best Icons Ever I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned. Poets have been mysteriously quiet on the subject of cheese. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"? I live in my own little world, but it's ok, everyone knows me here :) I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again. I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous. Insanity is my only means of relaxation. Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them. One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs. My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes (hmm?) I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now. Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time. Of course I don't look busy. I did it right the first time. Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths? I'm multitalented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time (sure...). Do NOT start with me. You won't win. When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have a 100,000 reasons to smile... (well, that's kinda hard anyways...) The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness. Remember, there's a light at the end of every tunnel. Just make sure its not a train. The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me " HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY! If life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the world wonder how you did it! I didn't fall for you, you tripped me. Love? I'd rather fall in chocolate. They say every 1 in 5 people are Chinese. There are five people in my family. Mom, Dad, Me, Tom, and Kong Shen Heng. I think it's Tom. One Day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it? She's my best friend. Break her heart, and I'll break your face. :) Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them as much. If Barbie is so popular, why do they have to buy her friends? Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark? Join The Army.You get to visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then you kill them (only if needed though) People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door. Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too!"? Why would you get a cake if you can't eat it?!(isn't obvious? You use it as pretty respectable projectile... and aim at people's faces!) Tell the truth and run. 1. Where is your telephone? at some room. 2. Where is your significant other? I don’t know. 3. Your hair? ehmm… on my head? 4. Your mother? at the other edge of the continent :P 6. Your favorite thing? being stealthy (you never know when I’m gonna show up… hehehehe) 7. Your dream last night? I was thirsty, don’t remember nothing else. 8. Your iPod? don’t have (but I do have a black MP4) 9. Your dream/goal? Not sure if I have one, but, if I can make at least one person on the world happy, then I guess I can die in peace (even more if that someone remembers me). 10. The room your in? it's ok. 11. You hate? diseases. 12. Your fear? having someone to know me better than I do (and prove it). 13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Some office (for working!) 14. Where were you last night? Many places: street, center of the city, a store, and department, among others. 15. What you're not? Touchy. 16. Muffins? Got some? 17. One of your wish list items? An awesome computer. 18. Where you grew up? Uruguay, and then Chile (not gonna be more accurate) 19. The last thing you did? Type the last answer 20. What are you wearing? my clothes. 21. Your TV? Off 22. Your pet(s)? Dogs. 23. Your computer? Don’t have one of my own… I must share it with my siblings (don’t remember it’s brand) 24. Your life? it’s, you know, going on. 25. Your mood? good. 26. Missing someone? Not really. 27. Your car? Don’t have. 28. Something you're not wearing? hood (don’t have it on) 29. Your summer? like 5 months ago(when I wrote this). It was ok. 30. Your eyes? Brown 31. Love someone? Aside from my family? Nobody… yet. 32. Your favorite color? Blue, teal, red. 33. When is the last time you laughed? Today 34. Last time you cried? ... like 5 or 6 weeks ago, and I'm writing this today (8/19/11) 35. Who will repaste this? I’m not a diviner, how the hell I’m supposed to know that? Well, whatever, I guess those persons who read it and want to repaste it. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry But most of all I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm Sorry I'm sorry Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry' If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS (ehem*clears his throat*please, whoever who is reading this, heed me. I don't know if the word "balls" would be appropiate for this. Perhaps "breasts" sounds better?I guess the meaning of the world "balls" in the sentence is clear, but I apologize if you happen to be a lady and felt, somehow, offended)to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things' We're a Dying Breed To Every Guy... To every guy that's said, "Sex CAN wait" ...This one bulletin is for you... Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore... And because of this, there are not many left out there... 100 random questions: 1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? A small mistake in my physics calculations. 2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? Green paint. 3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?I'm pretty much like a grave. 4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? Anything, except regueaton, Justin Bieber's music and most of the current pop music. 5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? Sometime after midnight, I guess 2:37. 6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? Mint. 7. WHAT DO YOU MISS? sexy Chilean girls (right now I'm living in Uruguay). 8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION (S)? My keys. 9. HOW TALL ARE YOU? nearly six feet. 10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? Nope. 11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? Nope. 12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? A kid singing a song I used to sing in my school. 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PERFUME FOR A GIRL? hmm... I'm not sure. 14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? red hair and green eyes ( my favorite), ahhh*drools*. Though that doesn't means I don't like others. 15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO? I don't know, maybe in a nice comfy place?. 16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? coffee FTW. 17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Mozzarella. 18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Anticucho. 21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED? A picture. 22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY? Perhaps... 23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? No, I guess no. 24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? Don't have. 26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW? Yup. 27. WHAT KIND IS IT? A dog. 28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? I don't know, besides, who can control that?. 29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? sacrifices (not human sacrifices xD), like spending time with that someone, listening to what he/she has to say, being careful not to cause him/her any pain or maybe. . . just talking straight? 30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED: 20. 31. BLONDS OR BRUNETTES? ehmmm... brunettes. 32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN? Not sure. 33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? Anti-americans. 34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA? I live outside of the USA (but I would like to drop by to take a look :P) 35. YOUR WEAKNESSES? Perhaps mint. 36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? Almost. 37. FIRST JOB? Washing cars (for my dad). 38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Nope. 41. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE FILLING THIS OUT? Reading. 40. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? Not exactly. 42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? english :) 43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? No. 44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? More free time. 45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? 2, maybe 3 (not at the same time). 46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No. 47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? No, but I could. 49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? Those used by mortals. 50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Only for college stuff. 51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? I'm not sure. 52. ANY BAD HABITS? Some. 53 WHAT CD ARE YOU MOST EMBARRASSED TO HAVE ON YOUR SHELF? Don't have shelf with any CD. 54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Depends... 56. DO LOOKS MATTER? If you're a business person, yes. 57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? Varies... 58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? Not sure if in Chile or in Uruguay. 60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? PS1. 61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? Like 10. 62. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A KID? No, I didn't like it. 63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Yes. 64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? I guess no. 65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? Confidence. 66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Chelo, Cheloz, MostazalsLord, Chelailo, Chelo CTM (hdp, qliao and others), HMMM!, Voh!, Marchelo, Chelz (got others, but won't name them). 67. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE BAND/SINGER? Elvis Presley. 68. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? South Park. 69. WHAT WAS YOUR ACT/SAT SCORE? Will find out later. 70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? mint. 71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? Of course. 72. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? 5-5-2011 (note:last time when I wrote this part) 73. DID YOU NOTICE THAT THERE WAS NO #64? really? There was, buddy. 74. WHATS THE FASTEST YOU HAVE GONE IN A CAR? 150 km/h. 75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? No, just those who want. 76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? The silence. 77. LAST THING YOU DRANK? Water. 78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My driving teacher. 79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX? Face. 80. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG? I guess none among the songs I like. 81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE? Diseases. 82. FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR? December. 83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN? Mine of course (Sagittarius)! 85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? Brown (but some people thinks it's red). 86. EYE COLOR? Brown 89. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT? Telepizza. 90. YOU LIKE SUSHI? Never tasted it. 91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? The news. 92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? The last one. 93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS? No. 94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? I'm not american, but if I was. . . I think republican. 95. KISSES OR HUGS? Depends... 96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Relationships. 97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A drink (not alcoholic). 98. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU HAVE? Don't have any. 99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. 100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE: Uff, I'll make it short, joy and woe. (9/13/2011) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4. (on hold) 2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch? Just air. 3.What is the last thing you watched on TV? The news. 4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 2:12 5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 1:55 (not so far) 6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Metallica, Fade to Black. 7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? Running to catch the bus! 8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? My MP4 9. What are you wearing? The usual (pants and... oww crap, I don't know what's the word I'm looking for, but the other thing I'm wearing has a hood and is not precisely something to keep me warm against a lot of cold) 10. Did you dream last night? No, it's been a while since the last time. And I don't really remember much of my dreams. 11. When did you last laugh? Like 5 hours ago. 12.What is on the walls of the room you are in? White and yellow paint, some pictures and some ornaments. 13. Seen anything weird lately? Does a guy who stink like if he had drunk 10 bottles of beer, shows up from the street and start spouting pitiful political crap count as weird? Because if that's the case, yes, that's something weird I've seen lately, but besides that, nothing. 14. What do you think of this quiz? Is short, but not boring. 15. What is the last film you saw? Matilda. 16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? You should rather ask me “what wouldn't you buy?”. I think I can name the firsts though. I'd buy an awesome computer, a medium sized house, a TV (with HD), perhaps a Wii and a PS3, the rest depends. 17. Tell me something about you that I don't know: Ok...my skill at playing SC 2 has improved considerably since I started to watch “When cheese fails”, “LagTV” and almost every “quest to diamond”(which later became “quest to masters”) from MaximusBlack (aka, The Bouse). 18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Unite the whole mankind under a single banner and cause (Don't know which though). 19. Do you like to dance? That's so embarrassing for me... but you know what? Actually I'm not sure if I like to dance or not, xD! 20. George Bush: used to be an American president, I don't know what's his current situation. 21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Either, Marlena or Casandra (but I'm likely going to discuss that with my wife). 22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Federico (again, that will be discussed). TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF (actually:telling ya bout me) - The Survey (some stuff may sound repetitive, you've been warned. I saw this on "Principessa Dell'Opera"'s profile, I didn't come up with this as mine) Name: I told you already (right at the beginning of this profile). Yes, you have to guess. Birthday: I'm Sagittarius so. . . why don't you guess? Birthplace: an hospital (don't remember the name. . . ehhh. . "hospital italiano"I guess) Current Location: Montevideo (yes, that grey and apparently boring city). Eye Color: brown Hair Color: brown (but some people thinks I dye it with red) Height: nearly six feet Right Handed or Left Handed: Right handed Your Heritage: Uruguayan AND Chilean. The Shoes You Wore Today: the ones I like. Your Weakness: ok, ok, I'll tell you. It's the mint, it just tastes so good! Your Fears: Having someone to prove he/she knows me better than I know myself. I guess, having someone to threaten the ones I love, would be another one. Your Perfect Pizza: you need to taste it. Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:settle a few things. Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: hmm? Thoughts First Waking Up: ughhh... I wish I had more time to sleep. Your Best Physical Feature: I'm not pretty sure but... I think my hand Your Bedtime: at the night. Your Most Missed Memory: "Psh-out". . . you won't find the meaning it has for me, not on the internet. I´ll give you a clue:silence, then you're out. Pepsi or Coke: Coke MacDonalds or Burger King: Depends on my wallet. Single or Group Dates: Single. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton (plus some sugar) Chocolate or Vanilla:Chocolate Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you Smoke: No Do you Swear: I do (but I don't if I'm mean no to in some situations). Do you Sing: No (okay, okay, seldom). Do you Shower Daily: Of course, I don't wanna stink. Have you Been in Love: *sighs*I'm actually not sure. Do you want to go to College: I am at college. Facultad de sociología. Do you want to get Married: Perhaps. Do you belive in yourself: Sometimes. Do you get Motion Sickness: No (as far as I'm concerned). Do you think you are Attractive: Nah (but I don't think I'm ugly) Are you a Health Freak: In a way... Do you get along with your Parents: When we have no problems, yes. Do you like Thunderstorms: Kinda Do you play an Instrument: No. In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Not a single drop. In the past month have you Smoked: No. In the past month have you been on Drugs: No. In the past month have you gone on a Date: No. In the past month have you gone to a Mall: No In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Oreos? no, not in a long time. In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I never did. In the past month have you been on Stage: No. In the past month have you been Dumped: No. In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No. In the past month have you Stolen Anything:Cookies. Ever been Drunk: No. There is no way I could get drunk, I prefer getting insulted rather than drinking alcohol Ever been called a Tease: Not sure Ever been Beaten up: Yes, but I always laugh at the end. Ever Shoplifted: No. How do you want to Die: Fighting for those I love and the things I hold dear, even if that means standing alone against the worse I could think about. For me, there is no greater glory than that. What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Someone who can fix big problems. What country would you most like to Visit: USA and England. (what I like)In a Girl Favourite Eye Color: green. Favourite Hair Color: red. Short or Long Hair: long hair. Height: slightly shorter than me. Weight: just heavy enough so I can carry her in my arms if she needs to. Best Clothing Style: not a very extravagant one. Number of Drugs I have taken: Just those given to me by doctors (that means, no crack or pot) Number of CDs I own: a few. Number of Piercings: None. Number of Tattoos: None (ok, those I used when I was a kid, that means, non-permanent ones). Number of things in my Past I Regret: Ufff. . . a lot, but I won't name them. The important part is that I learned from my mistakes. Atheist or theist survey, place your answers within the() 1. The best kind of atheist is ( respectful kind ). 2. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ). I associate atheism with ( logic ). 3. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (). I think many atheists would benefit from reading (), and that more theists should read (). 4. The best movie for atheists is (). 5. If there's one thing atheists are usually right about, it's (). 6. If there's one thing atheists are usually wrong about, it's (). 7. If there's one thing theists are usually right about, it's (). 8. If there's one thing theists are usually wrong about, it's (). 9. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (). I think the best web site for people who think as I do is (). 10. One thing atheists and theists can agree on is that ( usually killing ) is wrong. 11. The best thing [atheists/theists] could do is (). 12. I'm [an atheist/an agnostic/a theist, but I wish that () was real. 13. ( Inquisition) is the worst thing that ever arose from [atheism/theism] ( theism ). 14. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ), and I have read the entire Bible ( zero, just fragments ) times. 15. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (), and I think the theory of evolution is (). 16. Complete this phrase: Nobody really knows ( how did the universe begin ). 17. [Atheists/Theists] would be more popular if they (). 18. Complete this phrase: There are no [atheists/theists] ( atheist ) in ( Heaven ). 19. Politics and religion go together like ( foot ) and ( shoe ). 20. I wish they would build a/n ( lab ) next to the creationist museum. 21 .I am [an atheist/an agnostic/a theist] ( atheist ), and the person in history I admire most is ( Jose Gervasio Artigas ). 22. Complete this sentence: I think the universe began ( with The Big Bang ). 23. Complete this sentence: Adam and Eve were ( humans ). 24. Complete this sentence: Jesus was ( God's son ). 25. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (), and I think genetic research is (). 26. I'd say that science is the best way to ( find cures ). 27. I think the human soul ( is ethereal ), and when I die I want my body to ( be buried I guess, or maybe burnt ). 28. The best argument for the existence of God is: (). 29. Complete this sentence: Religion makes you (). 30. I would describe free will as: (). 31. Complete this sentence: I think atheists are ( usually reasonable ). 32. Complete this sentence: Religious thinking is good for (). 33. Complete this sentence: Without religion we wouldn't have (). 34. Complete this sentence: If Jesus were alive today, (). 35. I am [an atheist/an agnostic/a theist] ( atheist ) and I'd say that the Bible is [0/1-10/11-20/21-30/31-40/41-50/51-60/61-70/71-80/81-90/91-99/100/an unknown]% ( an unknown %) literally, historically true because ( there is not enough evidence ). 36. The world would be a better place if () had been [an atheist/an agnostic/a theist]. 37. Complete this sentence: I never met an atheist (). 38. Please share a funny joke about atheism: () 39. Complete this sentence: I never met a theist (). 40. Please share a funny joke about religion: () 41. Complete this phrase: You can lead [an atheist/an agnostic/a theist] to (), but you can't make him (). 42. If I had to choose one word to describe theists, it would be "()." 43. If I had to choose one word to describe atheists, it would be "()." 44. Complete this sentence: The point of religion is to (). 45. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (). When a stranger approaches me to talk about religion, it makes me feel (). 46. Complete this sentence: When someone disagrees with me about religion, I (). 47. I'd say that all religions are () because (). 48. What movie do you think is a good metaphore for religion? (). Why? (). 49. Complete this sentence: The most dangerous religion is (). 50. To the best of your knowledge, what was the religioius view of the United States' founding fathers? () 51. How did life on Earth begin? () 52. All morality is (). 53. I [am not/am] a Christian. As I understand it, Christianity teaches that wealth (). 54. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (), but as a child I was (). 55. I don't understand how religious people can (). 56. I don't understand how atheists can (). 57. The biggest problem religion has is (). 58. It is as likely that God exists as it is that (). 59. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ), and I think that lying is ( good or bad depending on the situation ). 60. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ), and I think that suicide is ( a very pitiful decision to make ). 61. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ), and I think that abortion is ( ok in some cases ). 62. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ), and I think that faith healing is ( usually less effective than medical science ). 63. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ), and I think that prayer is ( a nice gesture ). 64. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ) a, and I think that UFOs are ( possibly real or fake ). 65. If I were God, I would ( do the same he did, after all, He knows why He did what He did). 66. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ). In my experience, most atheists are ( reasonable ). 67. Complete this sentence: On Christmas, atheists should ( spend time with their families ). 68. How would you define God: () 69. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (), and I think that sex is (). 70. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (), and thinking about how many atheists there are in the world makes me feel (). 71. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (), and thinking about how many theists there are in the world makes me feel (). 72. Complete this sentence: Social Darwinism is (). 73. Complete this sentence: Morality comes from (). 74. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (), and I think that Hell (). 75. Complete this sentence: I think that ( human? ) life begins ( after the first month of pregnancy). 76. I think that [atheists/theists] make [good/bad] parents because (). 77. I think that atheism [is/is not] ( not ) a religion because ( it has no god ). 78. People who celebrate Christmas [should/should not] tell their children that Santa Claus is real because(). 79. People are [better/no better] ( better ) than animals because ( nothing hunts us, plus we can adapt the environment to our needs, to an extent of course ). 80. The stupidest argument I've ever heard [for/against] the existence of God is: () 81. The stupidest argument I've ever heard [for/against] the theory of evolution is: () 82. The stupidest argument I've ever heard [for/against] being [a theist/an atheist/an agnostic] is: () 83. The best argument I've ever heard [for/against] the existence of God is: () 84. The best argument I've ever heard [for/against] the theory of evolution is: () 85. It [is/isn't] important for people to agree about religion because (). 86. The best argument I've ever heard [for/against] being [a theist/an atheist/an agnostic] is: () 87. How do you define "religion"? () 88. How do you define "atheism"? ( no God ) 89. How do you define "agnostic"? ( doubt ) 90. How do you define "justice"? ( balance ) 91. What is the main belief of atheism? ( that there is no God ) 92. How do you define "evil"? ( to harm ) 93. Why is there something and not nothing? () 94. What is something you assume is true? ( conflict ) 95. How do you define "faith"? ( to believe in something or someone, even if it cannot be proved by science ) 96. Atheism can [help/harm] people by (). 97. Religion can [help/harm] people by (). 98. Complete this sentence: The most oppressed religious group is ( Judaism ). 99. Complete this sentence: Most wars are caused by ( disagreements ). 100. Science [can/can't] ( can )investigate religion because ( it exists ). 101. How did the Bible come to be written? ( not completely sure) 102. How do you make moral decisions? ( basing myself on my principles ) 103. Complete this sentence: Bad things sometimes happen to good people because ( God has no need to test those who already failed ). 104. Complete this sentence: The meaning of life is ( unknown to me ). 105. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ). Politically, I'm ( center ). 106. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ). My parents' religious beliefs are ( non-existing, as they are currently both atheists ). 107. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ). In my opinion, Hitler was ( a person who caused a lot of damage ). 108. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ). In my opinion, the Pope is ( irrelevant for me ). 109. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (). I'd say that the authors of the Gospels were (). 110. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (). Something that cheers me up when I'm sad is (). 111. Complete this sentence: I think the craziest thing anyone honestly believes is ( flying spaghetti monster ). 112. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an ( atheist ). I think the death penalty is ( the only real way to be completely sure murderers won't kill again ). 113. Complete this sentence: an atheist must have faith in ( that science will find most answers in time ). 114. The historical religious person who did the most [good/harm] was (). 115. The stereotype that atheists generally () is [true/false]. 116. The stereotype that Christians generally () is [true/false]. 117. The stereotype that scientists generally () is [true/false]. 118. Complete this sentence: If a person who has no concept of personal property takes something that belongs to someone else without permission, ( it's called stealing ). 119. Complete this sentence: Atheism is strongly correlated with ( logic ). 120. Complete this sentence: Religioius belief is strongly correlated with ( faith ). 121. First, indicate your general belief category: [atheist/agnostic/theist] Now, type the names of as many people in the Bible as you can in 30 seconds. Go! () 122. How do you define "Christianity"? () 123. I think that most people who call themselves Christians [are/are not] really Christians because (). 124. I think that most people who call themselves atheists [are/are not] really atheists because (). 125. Complete this sentence: If religion were an (), it would be (). 126. Complete this sentence: If atheism were an (), it would be (). 127. Complete this sentence: Atheism is to () as religion is to (). 128. Complete this sentence: In the animal kingdom, atheism is an () and religion is an (). 129. Complete this sentence: A scientific law is (). 130. I would [believe/stop believing] in God if (). 131. Complete this sentence: There should be an atheist superhero named (). 132. Complete this sentence: There should be a religious superhero named (). 133. Complete this sentence: If my country became a theocracy, I would (). 134. How do you define "marriage"? () 135. Complete this sentence: I think philosophy is (). 136. Complete this sentence: Religion hurts (). 137. Question: Why did the [atheist/theist[cross the road/wear red suspenders/wear two pair of pants]? Answer: (). 138. Question: How many [atheists/agnostics/theists] does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer: (). 139. Is it ethical to base laws on religious values? () 140. Which of the Ten Commandments should be enforced by the government? () 141. Complete this sentence: In () years, religion will be (). 142. How can you distinguish a miracle from a natural occurrence? () 143. Complete this sentence: So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself an (), and I think that the phrase "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is (). 144. Complete this sentence: I do not discuss my religious beliefs with () because (). 145. Complete this sentence: The most important lesson in the Bible is (). 146. Complete this sentence: If the theory of evolution is true, then why (). 147. I think babies [should/should not] be described as "miracles" because (). 148. A good bumpter-sticker slogan for religion would be "()." 149. A good bumpter-sticker slogan for atheism would be "()." 150. [Theists/Atheists] should have a saying: "You can't make an () without breaking a few ()." 151. Complete this sentence: God should do something about (). 152. Complete this sentence: It is never morally allowable to (). 153. Complete this sentence: You should never ( burn ) a Bible. 154. Complete this sentence: Book burning is ( primitive ). 155. Complete this sentence: The biggest threat to religion is (). 156. Complete this sentence: The biggest threat to freedom is (). 157. Complete this sentence: The biggest threat to the future is (). 158. Complete this sentence: The biggest threat to science is (). 159. Complete this sentence: The biggest threat to faith is (). 160. Complete this sentence: You should never mix government and (). 161. Complete this sentence: It's okay to be religious if (). 162. If I were designing an atheist theme park, I'd make sure it had a(n) () (). 163. If I were designing a religious theme park, I'd make sure it had a(n) () (). 164. If I were writing an atheist (), I'd name it "()." 165. There should be a children's book about religion titled "()." 166. There should be a children's book about atheism titled "()." 167. Complete this sentence: I think cannibalism is ( morally unacceptable ). 168. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) (). As I understand it, the Bible's position on incest is (). 169. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) (). As I understand it, the Bible's position on killing babies is (). 170. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) (). As I understand it, the Bible's position on marriage is (). 171. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) (). As I understand it, the Bible's position on slavery is (). 172. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) (). As I understand it, the Bible's position on animal sacrifices is (). 173. Complete this sentence: Vegetarianism is (). 174. The only difference between () and () is religion. 175. Complete this sentence: Most atheists don't believe in God because ( thus far science could not completely prove His existence ). 176. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) (), and I think that supernatural things (). 177. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) (), and I think that immaterial things (). 178. I'd say that the Bible () itself when it says: () 179. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) (), and I think that the Biblical story of () is obviously (). 180. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) (), and I think that the Biblical story of () is () true. 181. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) ( atheist ), and I think that people should pray ( for a better future ). 182. Complete this sentence: Saints are ( people who used to live, but after they died, they started to be kind of worshiped ). 183. Complete this sentence: The only way to get to Heaven is ( by God's grace ). 184. Complete this sentence: () should burn in Hell for eternity. 185. Complete this sentence: () is synonymous with religion. 186. Complete this sentence: () is synonymous with atheism. 187. Complete this sentence: (The Lord ) is synonymous with God. 188. Complete this sentence: The opposite of skepticism is (). 189. Complete this sentence: The opposite of faith is (). 190. If I were not ( atheist ) I'd be ( agnostic ). 191. Complete this sentence: Religion fails when (). 192. The most () show on television is (). 193. Complete this sentence: I am skeptical about (). 194. Complete this sentence: I have no doubts about ( the existence of differences ). 195. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) (), and I wish there was a way to know (). 196. Complete this sentence: I'm glad there's no way to know ( ). 197. Complete this sentence: The best thing you can give your children is ( education ). 198. Complete this sentence: You can't avoid death, taxes, and ( growing up ). 199. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) ( atheist ), and I think stealing is justified if ( you need to do it in order to surive ). 200. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) ( atheist ), and I think homosexuality is ( fine ). 201. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) ( atheist ), and I think divorce is ( a very sad path to take in order to make one's life a little bit easier ). 202. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) ( atheist ), and I think marital infidelity is ( far worse than cheating on just a girlfriend ). 203. Complete this sentence: Science will never be able to find out ( all answers for every single question ). 204. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) ( atheist ), and I think near-death experiences are ( lucky escapes ). 205. Complete this sentence: I wish there was a cure for ( AIDS ). 206. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) ( atheist ), and I find ( religious bigotry ) offensive. 207. Complete this sentence: You can't trust () with (). 208. Complete this sentence: The best thing ever to come from religion is (). 209. Complete this sentence: The worst thing ever done in the name of religion was (). 210. Complete this sentence: The worst thing ever done to promote atheism was (). 211. Complete this sentence: I can't be happy without ( others ). 212. Complete this sentence: Random events are ( usual ). 213. The first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word "( soul )" is ( memory ). 214. Complete this sentence: So far as religion is concerned, the internet has ( a lot of voices ). 215. I ( don't look forward ) to get people to agree with me about religion because ( respect is enough for me ). 216. Complete this sentence: If everyone agreed with me ( it's either the end of the world or I'm having a nightmare, it's not normal that everyone in the world gets to agree with you at something ). 217. Complete this sentence: Religious diversity is ( common ). 218. Complete this sentence: There should be a holiday for (). 219. Complete this sentence: From ( a theist ) perspective, you should never ( curse The Lord's name ). 220. Complete this sentence: From ( a theist ) perspective, you should always ( give thanks for what you got ). 221. Complete this sentence: From ( a theist ) perspective, you should avoid ( sinning ). 222. Complete this sentence: Atheists should remember ( not everyone agrees with them ). 223. Complete this sentence: Religious people should remember ( there are many religions, and every one of them claims to be right ). 224. Complete this sentence: When I (), I ask myself "What would Jesus do?" 225. The Bible () be treated just like any other historical document because (). 226. () () be treated with respect because (). 227. () () be taught in public schools because (). 228. Complete this sentence: Homeschooling is ( very odd ). 229. Complete this sentence: If a person says that they are "spiritual," it means (). 230. Complete this sentence: People whose medical care is based on faith ( have little chance to get better ). 231. Complete this sentence: People () be allowed to use religion to determine their child's health care () (). 232. Complete this sentence: A common side effect of ( theism ) is ( made up guilt feelings ). 233. Complete this sentence: If I was sending a gift basket to (), I'd fill it full of (). 234. Complete this sentence: If Satan appeared before me, I ( would not , assuming I have one ) agree to sell my soul ( because nothing I get in return would be worth it... but then again, I don't know for sure what is a soul, I can only guess ) (). 235. So far as religion is concerned, I consider myself a(n) ( atheist ), and I think that foul language is ( funny in moderation , according to the situation ). 236. Complete this sentence: A list of basic human rights should include the right to ( think anything we want ). 237. Complete this sentence: A list of basic human rights should include freedom from (). 238. Complete this sentence: Everyone should be responsible for ( their own actions ). 239. Complete this sentence: People must work together to ( build a better tomorrow ). 240. If I made up a religion, it would be ( human ). 241. Complete this sentence: In a battle between () and (), () would win because (). 242. Complete this sentence: () are better than () because (). 243. Question: What would Jesus do? Answer: ( be himself ) Yet another random survey(u.u) 1. Who's the last person you talked to and what did you say? (I said good-bye to my aunt) 2. Where are you? (in a living room) 3. Look up, now look back. What did you see? (the floor) 4. What's the last thing you ate? (dinner, meat) 5. What's your personality like? (calm and silent) 6. Who do you have a crush on? (right now?nobody) 7. What was the last thing you thought? (“gotta do something about it...”) 8. You have a million dollars. What do you do? (share with my family) 9. What are you eating/drinking right now? (nothing) 10. What are you thinking right now? (“Chipmunks go evil”, look it up in Youtube, but don't if you can't take strong stuff ) 11. What's it like being you? (quiet, very easy to go unnoticed every now and then) 12. What are your thoughts on writing? (it's a good way to practice) 13. How tall are you(eff,again???)? (nearly 6 feet) 14. What book are you currently reading? (Men are from Mars, women are from Venus) 15. What music are you listening to? (“Evil” by Interpol) 16. What was the last website you visited before fan fiction? (Hotmail) 17. What was the last thing you cooked? (meat) 18. What colour are the walls of the room you are in? (yellow and white) 19. Do you know who the governor of your state is? (not in person) 20. How many different programs are open on your computer right now? (1) 21. Have you ever been water-skiing? (no) 22. What is the weather like? (wet and warm) 23. Are you going on vacation this summer and where? (Yeah, Chile probably) 24. Anything else? (up for a chess match against whoever created this survey) Read this please; I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll. 'Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear. ''Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her. 'I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there. 'His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister. ''My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall. 'Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. 'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister. 'Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'''OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough. ' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'''I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. '''My mommy loves white roses. 'A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Re-post this message and e-mail it, or What do I have to say?This:gladly repost this, but will NOT e-mail it, because I don't like e-mail chains. I feel sorry for the protagonist of the story, but it's not like reposting and e-mailing it will make any difference, other than extend the sadness of this story. And as for the threat concerns, good luck with the attempt, you're gonna need it. Girls A True Boyfriend (don't ask why being a guy I posted this, until you're done reading it): When she walks away from you mad: Follow her When she stare's at your mouth: Kiss her When she pushes you or hit's you: Grab her and dont let go When she start's cussing at you: Kiss her and tell her you love her When she's quiet: Ask her whats wrong When she ignore's you: Give her your attention When she pull's away: Pull her back When you see her start crying: Just hold her and dont say a word When you see her walking: Sneak up and hug her waist from behind When she's scared: Protect her When she lay's her head on your shoulder: Tilt her head up and kiss her When she steal's your favorite hat: Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night When she tease's you: Tease her back and make her laugh When she doesn't answer for a long time: reassure her that everything is okay When she look's at you with doubt: Back yourself up When she say's that she like's you: she really does more than you could understand When she grab's at your hands: Hold her's and play with her fingers When she bump's into you: bump into her back and make her laugh When she tells you a secret: keep it safe and untold When she looks at you in your eyes: dont look away until she does When she misses you: she's hurting inside When you break her heart: the pain never really goes away When she says its over: she still wants you to be hers When she reposts this bulletin: she wants you to read it Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything. When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her Call her before you sleep and after you wake up Treat her like she's all that matters to you. Tease her and let her tease you back. Stay up all night with her when she's sick. Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid. Give her the world. Let her wear your clothes. When she's bored or sad, hang out with her. Let her know she's important. Kiss her in the pouring rain. When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking babe?" When she sticks her tongue out mockingly, tickle her. If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will : Ok, posted or re-posted (whatever) that, because maybe you (the guys) would like to read it. You know, extra tips are welcome. I personally think is a little bit too demanding, but I guess I can try these tips. Holdin Hands- Cuddling- Movies- Loving each other- Laying below the stars- Guys repost this if you agree. Girls repost this if you think it's cute. Yup, I agree. Pray for God: So there was this missionary in Africa and he finds two guys fighting. So he breaks up the fight and one guy needs to go to the doctor so the missionary pays for it. So the other guy is mad at the missionary for breaking up the fight so he gets a group together to attack him at night, but they leave without hurting him. Later on they tell him that they were going to attack him but he had twenty six shining guards with him. But he objects saying he was alone that night. When he goes back home a few months later the people at his church tell him that they got the urge to pray for him so they got a group together and prayed. He asked the men who were there to stand up and they did. There were twenty six. The same amount of guards the man said he had. Amazingly, whether you believe or not, good people get helped. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God? Please re-post this as Pray for God. (Alright then, tell me one story in which the “baddies” are Uruguayan-overzealous-communist-worshpier-of-Che-extremists and tell me whether the “goodies” lived to tell the tale)
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit She ended up staying longer than As she walked along under the tall elm When she reached the alley, which was a However, halfway down the alley she She became uneasy and began to pray, Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness When she reached the end of the alley, The following day, she read in the Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and Thanking the Lord for her safety and to She felt she could recognize the man, so The police asked her if she would be She agreed and immediately pointed out When the man was told he had been The officer thanked Diane for her bravery She asked if they would ask the man one Diane was curious as to why he had not When the policeman asked him, he Amazingly, whether you believe or not, Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what. . . and if you stand up for him he will So that's what happened... hmm... you know, I sometimes admire the devotion some people has for God. If you made it this far and you STILL wanna read more stuff in this profile of mine, do as I say (or write, whatever): look at your nose, get a glass of milk, eat a cookie, bite your own lips, stare at the fingers of your left hand, rub your forehead, jump fifty times, stretch yourself as much as you can, hold your breath during twenty seconds, get outside of your house, run as fast as you can towards anywhere during fifteen minutes, take a shower, scratch the back of your neck, sigh, whisper your name, grab a snack, eat that snack, taste it slowly, look at the sky, clap your hands, laugh for no reason, sing any song you want, think about the future (yours), grab your chin with your left hand, play with your right hand, yawn, stop. Feel tired (you should!)?Go to your bed and sleep. Suit yourself tomorrow. | |||||||
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