The cake is a lie
The cake is a lie
The cake is a lie
The cake is a lie

Hullo there~ Let me introduce myself, but first, you must admit that Rebecca Black's song Friday is about JFK assassination, that Obama also likes pies, you can screw gravity, Justin Bieber didn't hit puberty, Ark Music Factory is the most horrifying music machine ever, there's a rapist in the Lincoln Park, Black and Yellow is not racist, either is Pokemon Black or White. If you have sworn this already, shout 'the cake is a lie' in front of the whole class.

Rebecca Black's Friday:

This song is about JFK assassination. The driver of the car was assassination was Samuel Kickin (Kicking in the front seat) The assassination occurred on a Friday and when he was shot the Secret Service yelled at jackie Kennedy to "get down" (got to get down on Friday) parts about the cold war and the spread of Communism are referenced (Everybody is Russian) and to top it all off, in the hotel that morning JFK declined a breakfast of sausage eggs and toast for a bowl of Brain Flakes instead (got to have my bowl got to have cereal) Also the following Monday JFK was supposed to sign a bill into law requiring all public schools to provide bus transportation for their students.

Why Magikarp is the BEST Pokemon:

You cannot spell Magikarp without Magik. Magic in Magikarp’s sense is spelled with a “k” which means he is so awesome that he doesn’t need to follow the literary guidelines. On top of that fact, he has whiskers that look like a mustache, and as we all know facial hair on anything always make it look way more intimidating! If I could grow a mustache that looked like Magikarp’s, then you know I would bust that out in two seconds for the following reasons: 1. I would look like a genuine bad-ass; 2. So many chicks would want to hook-up with me that it wouldn’t even be funny.
Magikarp is born knowing the move “Splash,” can learn the “Tackle” at level 15, and can learn his final and most powerful move, “Flail,” at level 30. This means that Magikarp has a potential move-set of three attacks, making it the easiest Pokemon in the entire world to use. An older Magikarp can use splash to jump over mountains. Yeah, you read that right--mountains. This means that Splash has potential to be the strongest move in the entire game, making it far better than that crappy Surf move. All of this just adds to that fact that Magikarp is so bad-ass that it doesn’t need/want to know more than three moves.

Why Prussia is so AWESOME:

Prussia, (never to be confused with Russia unless you want a jackboot in the face), was a pissed off and usually very angry, Teutonic state in Northern Europe that no longer exists except as a state of mind. Forged from a mixture of Protestant work-ethic and militarism, Prussians were so tough they were widely-believed to have been hatched from cannon balls by the terrified, fleeing peoples whose lands bordered theirs. They were known and the few still alive are known as the Strongest of the Germans. When dealing with them, just remember: don't piss off the Prussians, something that is extremely easy to do.
Prussia is inhabited primarily by the Prussian Sub-Species of German, but many Germans also make Prussia their home.

Why can't you own a Canadian?

Because they are too awesome for you. That's why.

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming “Andre, Andre, I’ve
got the secret documents!!”

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud,
debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop,
yell out, “I’m SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking.” Then
start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to
answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this
question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious
beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a
sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say “They’ve found me, I
have to leave the country” and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into
very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out “Merry
Christmas.” If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the
exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15
min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on
your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette’s Syndrome during the
exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she’s not
looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to
another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out,
start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down
violently, scream out “Screw this!” and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the
instructor that whether or not everyone’s done, they are all
leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some
point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how good the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min,
put on a white mask and start yelling “I’m here, the phantom of
the opera” until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest
proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers
into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything
to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next
to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks,
chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2
rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if
necessary.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly
say to the instructor, “I don’t understand ANY of this. I’ve
been to every lecture all semester long! What’s the deal? And
who the hell are you? Where’s the regular guy?”

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don’t know
one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and
answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor
asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, “the light bulb
that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a
clapper. DUH!”

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy.
Ignore the instructor’s requests for you to stop. When they
finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the
theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to
any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

Next section submitted by Jeremy Willis

31. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last
15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do
some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

32. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is
long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be
creative. Use the integral symbol.

33. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the
instructor’s left nostril.

34. Bring cheerleaders.

35. Bring pets.

36. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

37 Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to
be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the
instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor
to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to
stay.

38. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and
true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out
interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).

39. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the
instructor that whether or not everyone’s done, they are all
leaving after one hour to go drink)

40. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you
know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize
you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture.
Fight for your right to take the exam.

41. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing
loudly, say “you don’t really expect me to waste my time on this
drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!”

42. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.

43. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

44. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way
through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have
bad circulation.

45. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is
obvious… like history notes for a calculus exam… otherwise
you’re not just failing, you’re getting kicked out too) and
staple them to the exam, with the comment “Please use the
attached notes for references as you see fit.”

46. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.

47. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around
like they do before concerts start.

48. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

49. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams,
etc… sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

50. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks,
chairs, anything you can reach.

51. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards
at a 90 degree angle.

52. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If
you are asked to stop, say “it helps me think.” Bring a copy of
the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find
the section on musical instruments during finals. Don’t forget to
use the phrase “Told you so”.

53. Answer the exam with the “Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx
Sucks”

54. Make Strange noises… get people to stare… look at the
person next to you as if he\she did it.

55. Write a short story about your childhood, or an experience
that you once had. If you can’t think of anything, make something
up. Be creative. End the story with “I just thought I should tell
you.”

56. Wear a mask or costume, pretend that you really DO think
that you’re someone else.

57. Play loud music.

58. When you turn in your test, take all the ones under it and
throw them away or keep them or put your name on some of them.
Do it casually, as if that’s what you are supposed to do after an
exam.

59. Dress like the professor.

60. Cross-Dress.

61. Borrow a friend’s Video taping equipment and set up a lot of
lights and a camera around your desk. Call out instructions to
imaginary people who are supposed to be working the equipment.

62. Two words: Plastic Explosives.

63. Bring food or Drinks, pass them out to the class as if
you’re supposed to be giving samples for a fund raiser. Use the
words “Would you buy something like this if we had a bake sale?”
It doesn’t matter if they are baked goods or not.

64. Trip people as they walk by your desk.

65. Read all the questions out loud like Rain Man.

66. Walk around the room and ask people if there is anything
that you can help them with. Speak loudly stutter and spit. Make
a show of it.

67. Make several origami animals out of the test papers.
Re-enact scenes from your favorite soap opera with them.

68. In the middle of the test have a friend rush into the
classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you.
When the teacher asks what’s going on, calmly explain the rules
of Tag Team Testing to him/her.

69. Use Invisible Ink instead of printer ink to answer the whole exam.

70. Order catering. The catering company should come in about
halfway through the test, and should include at least three
waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.

71. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, “Okay,
let’s double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C.
Number three, E….”

1. THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out shapes and see if your subconscious is trying to send you a message (perhaps that funny shape is saying, 'send all your money to urban75.com'?)

See how long you can hold a note
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Inhale deeply and then try and make a noise for as long as you can. Earn extra points for making your partner laugh or ending on an amusing note.

Try to not think about penguins
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.

Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Pick a passing by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out.

Pretend you're a robot
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Walk down the street with mechanical movements, adding 'zzzzzt' sounds with each motion. Pretending to have a motor broken in, say, your left hand can add at least 30 seconds more entertainment.

Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?

Rate passers by
(Amusement Potential: 10-15 minutes)
Secretly award passers by marks out of ten as you go along, offering (unsaid) expert criticism over their clothing, hairstyle and footwear choices.

Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.

Pinch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.

Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes)
There's not much to say about this one. It is possible, but really stupid.

Pretend to be a car
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Make appropriate revving noises in your head as you walk along and add a racing commentary as you pass strangers in the street. Use blinking eyes as indicators for extra authenticity.

Make Star Trek door noises
(Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes)
Stand by an electric door to a bank or something and make that silly "Scccccccchwop" sound heard whenever people popped on to the bridge to hang with Captain Kirk.

Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
Another great time waster. It takes about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image, and the image is then viewable for about the same length of time. Fun to combine this one with pushing on your eyes.

Get yourself as nauseated as possible
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can't even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the "makes boredom seem a lot better" effect (see "Hurt Yourself").

Invent a weird twitch
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Adopt a bizarre twitch (e.g. flicking your head irregularly, twitching with eye or busting out sporadic cough noises) and try it out when you go shopping.

Make a low buzzing noise
(Amusement Potential: 15-30 minutes)
Hours of fun in libraries! Keeping a totally straight face and looking nonchalant, make a low pitch humming/buzzing noise and see who reacts.