Hg Muffin-Stuff here, author of the most memorable literary fan smut this side of Cambridge!

Some Woody Allen quotes (from Annie Hall):

“That's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.”

“I don't want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.”

“Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.”

A few fics underway:

UPDATE: Chapter 8, the final chapter of Summer Nights at Band Camp, is nearly finished. It needs a touch-up, though, before it's ready to go to screens everywhere. Also, there is a typo in a couple of the chapter titles. It says "scherzando" instead of "sforzando". I probably won't fix it, though.

Beats Per Minute takes place after Summer Nights at Band Camp and follows Squidward and Squilliam's relationship from high school through college, confronting the obstacles they had put on the back burner. Plot is all figured out and written down.

Summer Nights at Band Camp is consistent with both Tea at Fancyson Manor and with Methods, and takes place when Squidward and Squilliam were in high school. Follows their relationship through friendship, rivalry, and romance from Squidward's first year at high school to their summer at band camp. Almost Complete)

(complete) Tea at Fancyson Manor is about Squidward being invited to tea at Squilliam's mansion, him trying to prove himself and Squilliam reminiscing on high school days with him, and is a prequel of sorts to Methods. There are three chapters: Chats, Pampering, and Requests.

(complete) Methods is about Squidward discovering that the light at the end of the tunnel may lie in the suction cups of an old flame.

Fun Times at Fancyson Ranch - Cowboy Squilliam. Emo Squiddy. Fun times. Other than that I don't know what the plot will be, or anything. Just got the idea, inspired by Spongefifi's halloween Squilliam pic. (Maybe, Sometime, Probably)

A fic separate from Methods is called Big and Valuable, about Squidward and Squilliam (you guessed it) in high school. Summary: Squilliam is very fond of his unibrow. It hasn't always been that way. It turns out that in high school, Squilliam was extremely self-conscious about his unibrow. That is, until somebody special came along. (Sure, why not?)