What to say...

I am probably far too old to be reading fanfiction, but I love it all the same.

I will be turning 28 the upcoming year, and I think I will stay that age.

I've been writing since I was the ripe age of 5, but storytelling is a hobby of mine.

I sold my first story to a magazine when I was 14.

I published my first book when I was 21. The first printed copy arrived while I was nursing a major hangover from my birthday celebration.

I work as a literary critic for a magazine, so as you can imagine I pick and choose about the stories I read. I get enough headaches with the reviews I write for books, let alone stories.

I enjoy all types of work, though I abhor any sort of improperly placed 'SLASH' fiction as it's called. I feel it is repulsive and lewd to change a character's sexual orientation without the creator(s) doing.

Mary-Sues, are for the unoriginal and socially awkward written by the unoriginal and socially awkward.

The crime of placing song lyrics in an attempt to have a character sing them is only outranked by butchering the Original Characters of a work.

Form is Key. Make it your own, but do not make it a mess.

Sufficient evidence is needed to back up an opinion.

-Well, I read stories and fanfiction as a way to pass time and be inspired to write my next column and/or book. Some give me hope and enjoyment while others make me cringe and cry in despair.

-I currently have a fixation on 'Sons of Anarchy'. This is in addition to my 'Batman' fixation.

-Heath Ledger didn't just play the Joker, he BECAME the Joker.

My Notes on Batman Film Series (Nolan)

-Batman is not gay.

-Joker may or may not be, but he would fall under a person that is too far gone to have a sexual orientation

- Dr. Crane is not gay.

- Harvey Dent went crazy with grief over Rachel Dawes death. He didn't do that because he was secretly in love with Bruce Wayne.

-Joker doesn't do nice in a conventional way.

-Neither Joker and ESPECIALLY not Batman would rape a woman or man. Batman because that goes against everything he stands for and Joker because I don't see him bothering with it. Exploding things would entertain him more.

-No criminal you can make up is scarier and more crazier than the Joker. It's an insult to this Master Villain to even attempt it.

My Notes on 'Sons of Anarchy' Stories

-No male in the Sons of Anarchy is gay. Get over it, and stop insulting Kurt Sutter.

-Tig and Happy are assholes. No story of love at first sight for them is believable, only laughable. Lust as first sight is acceptable. Sometimes.

-On that note, Tig as portrayed in the show, will never go for a girl that gives him grief. He will want, to quote 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'- "A lamb in the kitchen and a tiger in the bedroom." That means no super pretty, badass, biker chicks for him. He wants someone who depends on him and needs him to feed that power trip, but also someone that can bring out the protector side in him. This means, realistically a character would have to be in her late 20s, early 30s, and maybe not lived her life with one traumatic experience after another, but a woman that had a life that taught her to be firm and understanding. Seasons 3 passed, and we all witnessed a Tig that has a heart, just watch how he treats Tara. He likes being the strong and needed one, so he'd probably go for a woman on the short side as well. He would need a more mature and experienced woman because it is apparent that he's had a serious relationship that blew up in his face at one point. Therefore, he goes through woman like he does socks to numb the pain and not risk attachment.

-On a similar note, Happy as portrayed in the show, would never fall for a meek, obedient, sweet, pretty, perfect, little thing that he just met. If he wanted that, he could have a pick of any sweetbutt around. And most of all, with all the women that surround him he would NEVER go for jailbait. That means anyone 18 and under. That's such an insult to Happy's all around persona. The only woman that would ever realistically hold Happy's interest is one he had known for some time, and a woman who would be 'a spitfire'. He would want a woman that keeps him on his toes and one where he can reach a level of understanding with. That means, no damsel for this guy, he would find them annoying. That also means that no badass trained killer/assassin/ninja whatever you guys can come up with. He wouldn't like a chick that has more skill than him in what he pretty much lives to do. And no, I don't see him training anyone in all his secrets of kicking ass. He needs the opposite of what Tig would need for the most part. He will need a woman to argue with him, to keep him interested, to also support him and be loyal to him. I don't for a second believe he had any serious girlfriends in the past, he's the kind of guy that he when he falls for a girl, thats it, he's set and won't change. The girl for him would be hot-headed, but passionate, the kind of love he would need and crave. The age for his girl would have to be young, as that is the age when most women have that crazy passion and wild spirit that he would crave. That means early to mid 20s. Not any younger, or any older, as that's just ridiculous. Older women would 'know better' than to give him any problems or complaints, and he'd be bored to death.

-Jax and Tara are not going to break up. He will not leave her for anyone. Stop insulting his character, he has a deep passionate love for Tara that shouldn't be butchered by some wet dream you had the other night.

- Juice is adorable, and an amazing enough of a character to go from goofy and sweet to ready to kill very quickly. HOWEVER he is not as hardcore as the rest, stop trying to make him that cold blooded. He is endearing because he lacks that trait, and gives a more realistic portrayal of an MC.

- Opie is not going to leave Lyla. Leave established relationships alone, because any change you do butchers the characters.

-There is a slim to none chance that the Sons would associate themselves with anyone that gets major publicity. It would make staying under the radar very hard, and takes away a core goal in the show.

-Gemma is a hard as nails badass Old Lady, but she has a maternal side to those she loves. She is not an ice queen to her family, stop it.

- Clay put out a hit on Opie, who was part of the Brotherhood of the Sons of Anarchy. He will do the most gruesome stuff is he has to.

-Tara is fiery, not a bitch. Get over your Tara Bashing.

I know many will see a comment, come and look at my profile, and whine about how I am wrong and everyone is entitled for to their opinion and that it's all for fun.

The source of reference in my knowledge and critique comes from years of studying, reading, and watching stories. I went through every branch of schooling that enables me to work as a critic which allows me to afford my Mac Powerbook Pro and this new apartment in Santa Barbara.

And I am betting the rest of you have nothing more than the show, wikipedia, and other stories on this site as a point of reference. Get over it and learn to take critique from someone who knows their stuff.

All stories in my favorites met my high standards, and would be welcoming by all to read.