Author #1: right…clears throat welcome to the lair of Sanctimonialis!

Author # 2: giggles and swoops down from the balcony to the entrance hall and what a lair it is!

Author #1: pffht, yeah. Drac's apartment...

Author #2: Well.. It's a penthouse... That's gotta count for something. looks at the curtains but those points are ghastly

Author # 1: blargh i think it's time Drac replaced those. they're about...what…five centuries old now?

Author #2: sniffs smells like it... pouts and flops onto the couch I'm hungry, when is he coming back?

Author #1: Meh. Beats me. Anyway. points to sad reader of profile yo, I'm Devine or D if you like, one of the two authors of this account grins and waves

Author #2: starts filing nails and glances at the sad reader Raven... Nothing more or less... The significant other of this little account smirks

Devine: Isn't she wonderfully frightening, children smirks

Raven: Don't make me paint your room pink...

Devine: eeeeeeeeeee...don't even joke about that!

Raven: Apologies... Pink is a ghastly colour pauses and looks at the curtains Uh.. D?

Devine: Mmm?

Raven: I think I figured out why the curtains are ghastly... They're baby pink

Devine: dude...Drac has baby pink curtains since when?

Raven: In a bored voice Since Aleera saw the colour and fell in love with it... Have you seen her bride's outfit?

Devine: oh yeah...hehe, now I remember. he threw a fit when she fixed up his coffin room...in pink

Raven: She was only new then... She's nice and manipulative now, though. Good effort on her part.

Devine: Agreed. new found respect. anywho, sis. what are your story preferences? Movies, books and such for the sad reader.

Raven: glances at the sad reader again All right... If they really want, nay, need to know... looks at D list them by title?

Devine: Or whatever comes to mind, dahling

Raven's Movies: Pirates of The Caribbean Trilogy, The Blade Trilogy, Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Red Dragon, The Boondock Saints, From Hell, Sweeney Todd, The Dark Knight, Cruel Intentions, House of Wax, Cry Wolf, Devour, Ten Inch Hero... The list might go on for centuries...

Raven: Your turn for movies, sis

Devine's Movies: Mr Brooks, Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy, Hannibal Lecter Saga, From Hell, Sweeney Todd, Rose Red, the Medallion, Van Helsing, Vampire Hunter D, Casino Royale, Constantine, Mission Impossible 2, Fragile...god, the list is sodding endless!

Raven: Too right.

Devine: Hmm... television shows next? Me first?

Raven: Sure

Devine's TV Shows: NCIS, Boston Legal, Supernatural, South Park, Family Guy, House M.D, The Silence, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed, 24, Nip/Tuck...wow, considerably shorter

Raven's TV Shows: Supernatural, Smallville, Dark Angel, NCIS, Charmed, Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, South Park, House M.D, Gilmore Girls (not a word...), Ghost Whisperer, Two and a Half Men...

Devine: I love two and a half men!

Raven: It's the frickin' best

Devine: no kidding XD

Raven: right...what next?

Devine: oh! i know! Actors we "admire". You first, sister dear.

Raven's Actors: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Johnny Depp, Tom Welling, Hugh Laurie, Michael Weatherly, David Boreanaz, Julian McMahon, Geoffrey Rush, Anthony Hopkins, Edward Norton... That's about all I can think of right now

Devine: Whoa...long list!

Raven: I don't want to nail them all...

Devine: I should hope not!

Raven: Just the first 9

Devine: D= Hugh Laurie!

Raven: Sorry... I don't want Julian. And yes, Hugh Laurie

Devine: ...

Raven: He's sexy as House

Devine:..okay, granted

Raven: Thank you...

Raven: smirks my, my, Mr. Ackles...

Devine: sweatdrops

Devine's Actors: Julian McMahon, Julian Sands, Daniel Craig, Keanu Reeves, Wes Bentley, Richard Roxburgh, Gaspard Ulliel, Jason Isaacs, David Tennant, Hugh Laurie, Anthony Hopkins, Johnny Depp, Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Michael Masden...to name a few ;D

Devine: Saddening, no? there's only one guy there I do NOT want to nail

Raven: Anthony Hopkins?

Devine: yeah, that's the one shudders he DOES have fangirls though...

Raven: gags and then pauses hey! Hugh Laurie is listed as a dude you'd nail! Hypocrite

Devine: I...uh...have a good explanation for that! Just gimme a sex...sec!!

Raven: looks amused well, look who's all flustered

Devine: grumbles Right, your turn

Raven: Uh... For which category?

Devine: shrugs Actresses? You first honey or is it my turn?

Raven: Yours

Devine: Okies ummm

Devine's Actresses: Thandie Newton, Rachel Weisz, Alyssa Milano, Alyson Hannigan, Zooey Deschanel, Charlize Theron, Halle Berry, Helena Bonham-Carter, Jessica Alba, Julianne Moore, Jodie Foster and Winona Ryder.

Raven's Actresses: Rachel Weisz, Kate Beckinsale, Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, Alyssa Milano, Eliza Dukshu, Helena Bonham-Carter, Kate Winslet, Merly Streep, Holly Marie-Combs, Sandra Bullock, Elisha Cuthbert.

Devine: okay, favourite non-canon pairings

Raven: …?

Devine: pairings from a fave movie that you like. Or just pairings

Raven: Ohhhh

Raven: Hmmmm...

Raven: Drusilla and Spike from Buffy is definitely one

Raven: and... I can't think of a whole lot right now giggles you can take this one, D

Devine: Okay, I'll help

Devine: From...Harry Potter, your fave pairings?

Raven: Gotta say I'm a fan of the Hermione/Draco one

Raven: That's about it from Harry Pothead-- Potter

Devine: I'm a fan for the Hermione/Snape one.

Raven: ooooh... Ew

Raven: Sorry, had a flash of Alan Rickman in those tight gold pants from Sweeney Todd

Devine: shudders let's not go there. That was friggin horrible

Raven: sing-song sorry

Devine: pokes out tongue

Raven: oh, yes, very mature giggles

Devine: snooty accent i am sooo mature

Raven: throws nail file

Devine: ducks and throws banana

Raven: Who throws a banana? Honestly...

Raven: OOH! That's another favourite movie!! Austin Powers!!

Devine: Which one?

Raven: All of them

Devine: hehe, i love Goldmember. "Mole...mole...molemolemolemolemolemole!!"

Raven: laughs God, yes!!

Raven: Beyonce ruins it though

Raven: "I'm Foxxy Cleopatra and I'm a whole lotta woman!" snaps fingers mhmm, that's right

Devine: urgh...

Devine: and that's all D has to say on the subject.

Raven: clears throat, whispers you spoke in third person, you promised you were gonna work on that...

Devine: pause oops..hehe rubs back of neck

Raven: pats D on the head anyway...

Devine: What else can we say to our sad reader?

Raven: "Do us a favour: stop bothering us and just read the stories?" bats eyes innocently

Devine: Well, that's Raven's way of putting it. Read the stories and for the love of all that is unholy, REVIEW DAMMIT

Raven: Yeah, that too.