A Stargate Death
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Joined 05-08-11, id: 2906386, Profile Updated: 10-18-11

PenName: Gone With a Flash, used to be Shadow Dweller 398. I go by Shadow or Flash

Occupation: 8th grader, big sister, the Bane of life as we know it

Favorite animals: as a rough estimate? Blue. 'nuff said.

Favorite color: blue-black

Favorite songs: 'Still Waiting' by Sum 41, Prometheus by 2-Byte on soundcloud, and random Owl City songs.

Favorite sport: does 'break your nose' count?

Description: female; pyro; bright yet dark; awsomest person out there.

Motto: Crying is a way to say 'I wanna punch your face so badly right now.'

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? I fell on a rocky driveway and still have flakes of that rock in my leg.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? paint. And posters. And some t-shirts.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP? um... no duh.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? Oh, you know, anything that's worth listening to... (NEVER EVER COUNTRY!!!!!!!!)

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? When Time began...

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? um... huh... let's say... a major power core? (ask me what that is and I'll punch your face so hard)

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS? my free will

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)? my ipod, bedroom, personal space...

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU? dunno. And don't care.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? depends if I want to be.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? Does 'watching the shadows and staying up until 3 in the morning imagining bright orbs surround me whilst I read on my ipod and imagine a little girl and a headless guy stare at me at the foot of my bed, all on habit' count?

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? nobody

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PERFUME FOR A GIRL? maybe... none.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? bright soul-seeing blue eyes, and I guess blonde-white (natural, born-with-it white) hair that's not greasy

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO? A beach at Hawaii with the early sunrise, a breakfast picnic, some hidden violin, and the Old Spice Guy prancing around.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Hot Cocoa

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? CHEESE, LOTS OF CHEESE

18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? sushi

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED? ...gift? OH! my ipod.

22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY? No. ...yes...

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? DO YOU SEE ME IN A CIRCUS?!

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? ...a t-shirt.

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW? i have around 14...?

27. WHAT KIND IS IT? Fish (mine is Krazy Fish), three cats (mine is Roseheart, she hurts me without pity), a dog (Nike. Like that shoe brand.) and... 5 chickens. (Sweetie, Puffy, Checkers, Cherry, and Dottie)

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? I'd tell them 'see ya, suckers!' then shove them out of the door with hate burning in my eyes.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? a small, still-blooming white rose and a box of milk chocolates w/ candle on top.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED: 13

31. BLONDS OR BRUNETTES? "When does the color of hair on top of your head determin what lies within?" ~Lisa Simpson

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN? My best friend's... why?

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? Sports.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA? Yes.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES? chocolate, and cheesy, fluffy stories.

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? Yeah. Your reading about them.

37. FIRST JOB? i'm only 13!

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Yes. I was dialing random numbers, most didn't exist. One worked, and a woman answered 'hello?" I yelled "OOGLY BOOGLY!" and hung up. My brother and I were giggling mad for an hour.

41.WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE FILLING THIS OUT? writing

40. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? one time, when I needed to get out the FBI tracker chip out of my arm... OH WAIT-

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? people don't talk to me.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? never.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? to go to Disneyworld, and visit some sort of animation company

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? identical triplets.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? not as far as I know.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? never see them

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? dandruff shampoo, 'cause my hair is too greasy

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? chickenscratch

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? probably turkey, as long as it's with white cheeze. (SERIOUSLY, what kind of cheese are they surving to us these days?!)

52. ANY BAD HABITS? biting my nails.

53 WHAT CD ARE YOU MOST EMBARRASSED TO HAVE ON YOUR SHELF? i don't own any.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? that's like asking a chocolate addict if they want to go to Hershey, Pennsylvania. While there was a chocolate fair.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER? never

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? cuss under my breath (I'm not able to cuss openly, or I feel the rath of many people.) and rant-write

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? my mind

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? Tiny MLP StarDancer

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? don't have one.

62. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A KID? I'd be high if I was.

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Am I writing this?

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? potatoes FOR THE WIN!

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? must have a great sense of humor, and for me to relate well to him/her

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? none

67. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE BAND/SINGER? I don't listen to much music, but if my life depended on it... Owl City.

68. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? movies

69. WHAT WAS YOUR ACT/SAT SCORE? what are those?

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? hmm... Magic Brownie, from Ben and Jerry's

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? didn't lose any yet.

72. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? I don't

73. DID YOU NOTICE THAT THERE WAS NO #64? did you notice that I answered it?

74. WHATS THE FASTEST YOU HAVE GONE IN A CAR? hate hate hate hate hate

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? sure. Let the word go 'round

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? music

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK? water. It's the ONLY thing I drink...

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? my dad

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX? personality

80. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG? I've gotta say... Um... How I became the sea, by Owl City?

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE? um... peanut butter.

82. FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR? DECEMBER!!!!!!! ...and I guess August...

83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN? what's that?

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? dark brown (soon to have blue and orange highlights)

86. EYE COLOR? brown/hazel lined with dark green

89. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT? Carls Jr.

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI? YOU BET I DO!

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? Coopcrowd on Youtube

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? August 22 (mai birdthdai) September 9th, and September 11

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS? bass guitar. And my voice.

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? Democrat.

95. KISSES OR HUGS? i'm more of a hugger, kisses are reserved

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? relationships, get it right

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? hmm... a keychain that said 'Life Sucks; Now go Live It'

98. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU HAVE? um... an acura? Not much of a car person...

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? The Chill Factor

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE: Gone.

In Portal 1 and 2, what's the big deal about the Companion Cubes?! Personally, I was more connected to the Radios I found.Companion Cubes, those stupid things... NOBODY thinks about the Radios! Well, except me...

I actually had feelings for the small tune-singers! And here's the proof! Two poems, one for the first Radios in Portal, and one for the Radio in Portal 2!

Through the white and bland rooms I heard him that day
I picked him up, watched his actions
and listened to what he had to say.
A tune, too soft
for the Rooms to hear
I sat and listened to the song,
there to hear.
I brought a copy
of my dear one then,
through the flames and background
so I would live a day.
His message repeated, the same soft tune.
I adored his voice, the same message
He and I never liked that cube.
Through there, more blue flecks
I glanced to him
and had myself reflect.
the story ended there, his brave message
I had to kill him. There.
My Best Friend.

He returned there, the lasers behind me
I picked him up softly, tears falling freely.
I collapsed for a second, holding him close
His new song brought me back there
He sung of Exile and Vilify
Of how I had bad luck, just standing here.
I nodded to his message, bringing him out of the cave
She didn't notice, stubborn as the same.
I finished the Room
going to the grill
I glanced down at him, another tear falling
he coaxed me on, not even faltering
I nodded again, mute as I was.
And left him there, to watch my goodbye.
I couldn't take it, my best friend.
I ran back, picked him up again.
Through his song, I heard him yell
"Leave me! Do better things, Chell!"
A last tear, and I shook my head at his statement
He was my friend,
no other replacement.
He read my mind, for the tune said
"Get the cube, that… thing will lead the way."
I tilted my head with a smile at his anger
and turned back to the grill
I watched him burst
and missed him, for real.
She laughed at my tears,
I shook as I heard her say
"The Companion Cube would be better than that
Dumb Radio
Any day."
I shook my head at her statement,
it was never true!
I loved him as a friend
and he loved me, too.
It all gave me another reason to comply
when She was throne off,
And I fell to my death
with a heavy heart.
My Best Friend was gone,
only a potato for me,
but I always knew, from the bottom of my heart.
that the My Best Friend
would never forget me.

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time? Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with head colds off fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On artificial bacon:
Real artificial bacon bits.
(we don't get fake fake bacon. we get real fake bacon.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

On a birthday card for a 1 year old:
Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.
(There goes 12 months.)

Sign at a railroad station:
Beware: To touch these wires is instant death.
Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.
(Court of zombies...?)

On a bottle of bathtub cleaner
For best results, start with clean bathtub before use.
(D: so I should use a different cleaner first?)

If you have ever seen an animated movie so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever busted a move/ burst into song, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!If you wonder who started these thingamawhatevers, copy this into your profile

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever really wanted to give a certain cartoon character a hug, copy and paste this on your profile
If you come up with most of your fanfic ideas by laying in bed staring at the moon, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name; Medalis, Invisibool, krazykookiegirl, Gewlicious, RainingSunshineEverywhere, Qille, Shadow Dweller 398,

If you read this, copy this into your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have risked many things in life, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you can't wait for the HTTYD and CWACOM sequels, then copy and paste this on your profile.If you're hopelessly addicted to chocolate, paste this into your profile.

If you appreciate the beauty of movie soundtracks and own at least one, paste this into your profile.

If you've met some really cool people online (possibly from other countries) as a result of your involvement on this site, paste this into your profile.

If you realize that by joining this site, you are a part of something special, paste this into your profile.If your reading fanfics when your supposed to be studying for a major test the next day, and telling your parents your studying, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

Chocolate chip cookies are the best!! If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile!!

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you think that girls are equals to boys, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

f you think that child abuse is wrong and should be stopped completely, copy and past this into your profile.

Profile your into this past and copy ,retard a like beginning the from this read actually you if. Now Read It Backwards

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.

f someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever become so obsessed with something that it is NOT even funny anymore and people think you’re insane, copy this into your profile.

If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it.

If you ever totally spaced out during some kind of sporting event and the other team scored a point because of it, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly (about 24 hours now not counting the few hours of sleep), Alleyanna Cullen,hugz.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6 (hoo yeah), GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc.(:D), AVirgoGirl, xcheergrlx3, Mrs.DiAngelo,zeusgirl39, percabeth4evereverveverever, RainingSunshineEverywhere, Qille, Shadow Dweller 398,

If you have ever laughed at something that you wouldn't normally laugh at because it was really late at night, copy this into your profile

Some favorite quotes~

"When can we live in a world where chickens can cross the road without being questioned about their motives?"

"I'm the type of girl that can watch all the scary movies I want and not get scared, but I scream at the top of my lungs when the toast pops out of the toaster."

"Please, they wouldn't come near me if they were on fire, and I had the only bucket of water in town."

"Lettuce... Any questions?"

"Gravity man. It's not just a good idea, it's the law!"

"Blondes have more fun, but brunettes actually remember it the next day."

"Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver."

"A palm can say a lot, especially when it smacks you."

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is NOT for you!"

"Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it."

"What I lack in talent I make up for with enthusiasm."

"Having good friends is like wetting your pants. Others can see it, and you can feel it."

"Warning: jumping into radioactive waste does not give you super powers!"

"I trip UP the stairs."

"Don't follow me. I run into walls."

"I am the bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up."

"I'm naturally blonde. So please speak slowly."

"Girls can do anything boys can do, and we can do it in high heels."

"Brilliant brunette with many blonde moments."

"I am the type of girl who burst out laughing at something that happened yesterday."

"It's a beautiful day! Now watch some idiot screw it up."

"The darkest hour is always just before dawn breaks."

"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

"If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?"

"Pain is a good thing. It lets you know you're still alive."

"If you want to figure out what's right for you, sometimes it's enough to figure out what's wrong."

"I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do!"

"Forget yesterday. Live for today. Tomorrow will take care of itself."

"Forget the risk. Take the fall. If it's meant to be, It's worth it all."

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow."

"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

"Live for the nights you won't remember. With the friends you'll never forget."

"You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me."

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, yelling 'Daaamn... What a ride!'"

"Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway."

"I HATE IT WHEN THE LITTLE VOICES ARGUE WITH MY IMAGINARY FRIENDS!"

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

"Never tell anyone your problems. 20% don't care, and the other 80% are glad you have them."

"If life was easy... where would all the adventure be?"

"Every story has an end, but in life, every end is just a new beginning."

"Who are you to judge me? I know I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be! But before you go pointing fingers, make sure your own hands are clean."

"Be strong now. Because things will get better. It may be stormy now. But it can't rain forever..."

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon!"

"I'm the kind of person who spends hours trying to drown a fish."

"To be old and wise, you first must be young and stupid."

"LIFE IS LIKE A MOVIE: If you are sad: drama. If you are afraid: suspense. If you are angry: action. When you look at the mirror: horror. Now you are smiling: that's comedy!"

"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO MYSELF!"

"Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door."

"Break the rules. Stand apart. Ignore your head. Follow your heart."

"I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as I- GUMMYBEARS!"

"When nothing goes right... go left."

"The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know... So why learn?"

"I'm not crazy. My reality is just... different than yours."

"DRINK COFFEE! DO DUMB THINGS FASTER WITH MORE ENERGY!"

"NEVER go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge."

"I'm not deaf. I'm just ignoring you."

"It takes skill to trip over a flat surface!"

"People change. Things go wrong. But just remember: Life Goes On..."

Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see.

I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long

When I awake
I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.

I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.

He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me.

Her name was Auroura
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly crys
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"God, why? Why is
My life always sinking?"

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless pest!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

If child abuse makes you sick and you think it's horrible and should be stopped, put these poems on your profile.

42 Things to do in an Elevator

1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. MEOW occasionally.
6. STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7. SAY -DING at each floor.
8. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9.MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. STARE, gri nning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16. ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21. SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22. CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
23. MAKE car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. CONGRATULATE all for being in the same lift with you.
25. GRIMACE painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. WALK on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. WHILE the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. LET your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. WALK into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. TAKE shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. ASK people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. ALSO in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. ASK, "Did you feel that?"
34. TELL people that you can see their aura.
35. WHEN the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. ANNOUNCE in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. DRESS up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time...
38. START breathing heavily and grab your chest when someone walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air
39. WHEN someone comes in ask them to press 5 or 6 different floors
40. GET in and don't press any buttons. Wait for the elevator to be called somewhere and repeat 39.
41. IF you are the only one in the elevator, press all of the buttons and stand, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come.
42. LAUGH maniacally whenever anyone looks at you and say you're here for the mental health convention

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile!

I'd take a bullet for you. Not in the head, like in the leg or something.

Worst. Idea. Ever. [pause] Let's do it.

People who investigate noises in horror movies deserve to die.

It's better to have loved and lost than to live with the physco for the rest of your life.

I've probably learned more from Google than I have from school

I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours.

I'm not easily distr. . .OMG! SHINY!

What have they been telling you? I'm prefectly normal! NORMAL, I SAY!!! *twitchtwitch*

If you have ever woundered what it was like to be a character in a movie, copy and paste this to your profile.

How to Tell if You're a Writer

-If you talk to yourself.
-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. ‘I wonder why I talk to myself so much?’)
-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. ‘Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’)
-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, ‘Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!’
-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.
-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
-If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
-If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.
-If people think you might have A.D.D.
-If you think it’d be cool to have A.D.D.
-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.
-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no ‘apparent’ reason.
-If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.

-And finally, the number one way to tell if you’re a good writer: If you failed English 101.

95% of people would panic if the Jonas brothers stood on the roof of a 3 story building and said they were about to jump. If you are one of the 5 who would get all of your friends, some popcorn, and a soda and scream "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!" copy this

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off

There are 3 kinds of people in this world. those who can do math and those who can't.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Keep smiling- it makes everyone wonder what your up too

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

Kids are the future. Be scared. Be very scared.

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in life's eye. and say 'How much you like lemons now, Life, huh? Huh?'

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! but not my brain. I need that.

Therapy is expensive. popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide.

Excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.

Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

A idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

There's no 'I' in 'TEAM' but there's a 'U' in 'SUCK'!

I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.

I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly

I did not hit you. I simply high-fived your face.

I didn't run into the door, my face decided to say hello.

I never finish anyth

People are like slinkies, basically useless. But it's still amusing to watch them fall down the stairs

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that it up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and 4 to reach out and slap someone.

20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity:

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: Send This In An E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile!

╔══╗
║██║Put this
║(o)║on your page
╚══╝if you like music

. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .sSS... ... ..sS... ... ... ... ... ... ... . If you're a girl and you've ever
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... sSSS? ... ... .s..sS³ ... ... ... ... ... . beaten a guy in an arm wrestle,
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..sSSS. ... .sS.. sSS³.. ... ... ... ... ... ... . copy the Flaming Heart
... ... ... ... ... ... ..sSSSS³.. ... .sS.. .SS³ . ... ... ... ... ... ... ... into your profile!
... ... ... ... ... ... . SSSSS... ... ... sS³... ³S.. ... ... ... ... ... ... . (sorry guys, girls only)
... ... ... ... S. ... .SSSSSSs ... ... .sS³... ³,
... ... ... ...sS. ... ³SSSSSSSs. ... .SSS.. ... .
... ... ... ... SS ... .³SSSSSSs.. ... ³SSs ,
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... ... ... ..s...SSSS ... ..sSSSSSSSS³. ..s SS³
... ... ... .SS.. sSSSS..sSSSSSSSSSSSSS S³
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AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led.Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

Words of Wisdom and Quotes

-Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

-Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them

-Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat

-There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives

-Be patient. Waiting allows the development of humility.

-Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good?

-Nothing makes us so lonely as our own secrets.

-Don't let fear rule your life since F.E.A.R. stands for False.Evidence.Appearing.Real. Either that or it stands for First.Encounter.Assault.Recon.

-Asking for patience is asking for more problems...

-Living in denial is living a lie.

-A weak opponent in the past can become a dangerous one in the future.

-Time is a great teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its pupils.

-A man with nothing to lose is capable of anything

-When you curse someone, you dig your own grave.

-Because our entire universe is made up of consciousness, we never really experience the universe directly we just experience our consciousness of the universe, our perception of it, so right, our only universe is perception.

-When outnumbered, don't think of it as outnumbered, think of it as a wide target selection.

-Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

-Silence is the most pleasing sound, so shut up.

-Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

-Learn to recognize when speed is not important. Race when being first is important; move at your own pace at all other times. It is not necessary to always strike the first blow, to provide the first solution, or to reach a goal before anyone else does. In fact, it is sometimes vital to strike the last blow, to give the final answer, or to arrive after everyone else.

-War does not determine who is right only who is left.

-Heroes come and go, but the stories never change, the battle between good and evil will rage on for millenniums to come, yet through out all time there is one thing that has never changed, evil never dies, and heroes never surrender!

-One who does not sacrifice anything cannot achieve anything.

-You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same!

-I don't hit people, I only Hi-5 their faces!

The Ten Commandments of Reviewing - created by FictionReader98 and Zoneshifter D
1) Thou shalt point out the parts you enjoy
2) Thou shalt point out the parts you disliked, if any.
3) Thou shalt point out the parts you utterly hated and explain why
4) Thou shalt write with good grammar!!
5) Thou shalt not give annonymous reviews, for the authors might want to reply to thine criticism!
6) Thou shalt not flame
7) Thou shalt write a four sentence paragraph minimum!
8) Thou shalt use constructive criticism!
9) Thou shalt review as much as possible, not merely once!
10) Thou shalt voice thine expectations.

Ponder these imponderables!

Imponderables

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What happens if you open it somewhere else?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

What is another word for "thesaurus"?

When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?

Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?

Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?

Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?

Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

Does a fish get cramps after eating?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

How can there be "self help GROUPS"?

Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?

Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?

Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?

You know you live in 2010 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or MySpace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You look back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12) Copy and paste this into your profile if you fell for it. I know you did.

'Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die today'

'Don't believe everything you think'

'Feel free to insult my work, as long as you come up with an interesting insult...'

'A life -Cool- were can I download one of them from!'

'42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot'

'I intend to live forever. So far, so good.'

'Everything looks important in italics'

HISTORY: The tale of how many different nations, from all across the world, gained their independence from Great Britain.'

'I thought I was losing my mind, but then I realized that it's been gone for a while.'

'When in doubt, mumble.'

'If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.'

'Worrying works! About 90% of the things I worry about never happen!"

'With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.'

'Dyslexic Devil Worshipers Sell Their Souls to Santa'

Haikus are easy.

But sometimes they don't make sense.

Refrigerator.

I am the girl ... that does go to school dances, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book or write. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on My Space, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or a regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.

But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird, who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself better with words, and knows the importance of the little things.

Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone.

~ PrettyFanGirl, Truth Be Told 13, DEFiiANCE, Angel of Apathy, Vic Taylor, Brokenwolf13, Bookworm700, Sparteen, GothicShadowPhantom, PsychoticNari, KP100, EmberMclain13, GhostDog401, Turkeyhead987, Mary Penelope, Qille, Shadow Dweller 398,

1. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Ciaizzle

2. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): Blue-black blue

3. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Roacibar

4. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (fav color, fav drink): -blue-black mountain dew

5. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Krazy Fish (...I shall not ask...)

6. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (fav fruit, and something that can go wrong)-Peach Murder

7. YOUR PIRATE NAME: (fav color, pirate accessory): -Blue-black coat

Random Quotes and sayings

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

PMS - Possible Murder Suspect

As I lay in bed looking at the twinkling stars above me, I think, "Where the hell is my ceiling?"

I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay.

Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.

I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice!

Curiosity killed whoever got in my way.

I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Most teachers promote the three R's; Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmetic. Then there are those that promote three S's; Sit down, Shut up, and STOP DRIVING ME CRAZY!!

A good friend bails you out of jail. A best friend is sitting in the next cell, laughing, and saying, "That was fun, let's do it again!"

A good friend helps find your Prince Charming. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

Weird is running up and down the street in a bikini, rubbing butter all over yourself, and screaming "I'm a pretty muffin!"

When Life gives me lemons, I throw them back and punch Life in the face, really, really hard.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is the same as cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

People are like slinkies. Basically useless, but it's so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.

When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you jump off a bridge, I laugh harder.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

To date, life has been a race between Software companies making bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe making bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.

Smile. It scares people.

An overly-positive attitude may not be enough to solve a problem, but it sure ticks people off enough for it to be worth it!

There are easier things to do in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.

A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."

I'm not so good with advice. May I offer a sarcastic comment?

The knack of flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

Whoever said words don't hurt have obviously never had a hard-backed encyclopedia hurled at their head.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will eventually kill me

Hell hath no fury that of a scorned woman. I'll help make sure of it.

When someone annoys you, it takes fourty-two muscles to frown, but it only takes four to extend your arm and whack them upside the head.

I get plenty of exercise; jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

Life isn't passing me by! It's trying to run me over!

Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'

I didn’t escape from the mental ward! Those sirens are a complete coincidence!

Drive like you stole it!

Everyday I think people can't get any dumber. Everyday I'm proven horribly wrong.

When life gives us Jonas brothers, we throw Jonas Brothers back really, really hard and demand Green Day.

It's not PMS...it's you

I'm not mean, I just say what most people keep in their heads.

I don't need your attitude, I have my own.

I'm not mean, you're just a sissy.

You're a great friend. But if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.

Be the type of woman, that when your feet land on the floor when you get out of bed in the morning, the devil thinks: "Oh, crap! She's up!"

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid

I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face.

Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me

That does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast!

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

I know who I am...your approval really isn't needed

Normal people worry me

Blondes do it better

I stopped fighting my inner demons quite some time ago. We're on the same side now.

I do not have an attitude problem! I have an attitude, but I just can't find a problem with it (note: do NOT use this on your Math teacher when she yells at you about your attitude. Not if you like living.)

Anyone: Go to hell!

You: I did. But Hell was full, so I came back

And to think you are the result of millions of years of evolution.

There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over.

Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Your pet rock and you.

Your pet rock will be a devoted friend and companion for many years to come. Rocks enjoy a rather long life span so the two of you will never have to part-at least not on your pet rock's account. Once you have transcended the awkward training stage your rock will mature into a faithful, obedient, loving pet with but one purpose in life-to be at your side when you want it to, and to go lie down when you don't.

A pet rock is perfect for people who hate animals, are allergic to animals, or who are not allowed to keep animals. When you own a pet rock you haver have problems with leash law violations, you'll never have to clean up nasty messes, and your pet will haver keep you and the neighbors awake at night. Pet rocks are welcome anywhere!

SECTION ONE

Simple obedience.

Come.

It is essential that your pet rock learn this command. A rock that doesn't come when it's called will cause its owner endless embarassment. To teach the command COME, place your rock on the floor or ground and take a few steps backward. Next, bending over from the waist, place your hands upon your knees and face your rock. Now, with firm authority, say COME PEDRA. (If you have not named your rock Pedra you may wish to say something else.) Repeat the command, COME PEDRA.

Assuming your rock is normal, it will probably now respond.

Start again.

Bending over from the waits, face your rock, clap your hands, and let your face light up as you cay, COME PEDRA, C'MON FELLA, HERE GIRL, and stuff like that. Now, start walking slowly towards your rock. Incredibly, as you walk toward your rock, you will notice that it actually is coming closer. This means your pet rock is learning to command, COME.

Praise your rock and give it a pat of approval.

Stay.

The next command to teach your rock is STAY. It is very important that your pet rock learn this command as it is dosconcerting to have a rock that will wander around while you are shopping for groceries or having your hair done.

Return to your training area and set your rock upon the floor or ground. Look at your rock intently, like you really mean business, and give the command, STAY. Surprisingly, most rocks have no difficulty learning this command and respond quite obediently the first time they hear it.

Repeat the command, STAY, and slowly back away from your rock. If your rock should move, and this is highly unlikely, shout the command while gesturing dramatically with the palm of your outstretched hand. In no time at all your pet rock will be responding to this obedience command each and every time. With further patience you can train your rock to STAY by using only the hand signals.

Sit.

This is not a difficult command to teach a pet rock as most rocks spend the bulk of their time sitting around anyways. However, a refresher course is certainly in order since you will want your rock to sit when you want it to, not when it wants to.

Place your rock in its training area and give the command, SIT. Many rocks will attempt to deceive you by lying down, thinking that you won't know the difference. This should not be encouraged! If you say, SIT, then your rock should sit, and that's all there is to it.

Here is a simple method to ensure your pet rock always obeys your commands:

Repeat the order, SIT, and slowly walk away from your rock. Now, hide in another room and, from time to time, peek in on your rock to make sure it hasn't moved. If it lies down, when it should be sitting, storm into the room and shout, BAD ROCK, BAD ROCK! Your pet rock will know it has displeased you and will return to the sitting position. It will also know who's the boss!

Once your pet rock learns the command, SIT, add the command, STAY. Your rock will now remain sitting until further notice.

Down.

It would be cruel to leave your rock in the sitting position forever. Therefore, it is necessary that you teach it the command, DOWN. After sitting for a long period of time your rock will appreciate the chance to relax. It is also nice, when you have house guests, to own a pet rock that will lie, unobtrusively and lovingly, at your feet.

Teaching the command, DOWN, is best accomplished in conjunction with the command, SIT. After your pet rock has been in the sitting position for a while, give it the command, DOWN. If you've made a big fuss about your rock sitting properly it may be reluctant to move. Place your foot upon your rock and push it firmly into the carpet or dirt. It won't take long before your rock understands what you want it to do. DOWN is another of the training commands that most rocks respond to with a minimum of teaching. It is in a pet rock's nature that it learns to get down so easily.

Praise your rock and give it a gently, reassuring hug.

Stand.

You're a little confused if you think a pet rock can be taught to STAND. A rock has no feet.

Heel.

It is extremely unusual to see a rock strolling around unaccompanied. There's a very good reason for this. Most pet rock owners have had the patience and good judgment to teach the command, HEEL.

To teach your pet rock to HEEL, simply follow these easy steps. First, place your pet rock on the floor or ground directly behind your right heel. Next, give the command, HEEL, and stand aboslutely still. Slowly, without moving your feet, turn and look down at your rock. You will be both pleased and amazed to see it is still there, right where you want it to be, directly behind your right heel. Your pet rock has learned the command.

Praise your rock.

SECTION TWO

Amusing Tricks.

Few pets are more anxious to please their masters than are pet rocks. It is surprisingly easy to teach your rock cute little tricks that will entertain you and your friends for hours.

Roll Over.

Your pet rock will learn this trick the very first time you give it a lesson. That statement may be hard to believe but it is, nevertheless, quite true.

The best place to teach your pet rock to ROLL OVER is on the side of a hill. Place your rock on the ground at the top of a hill and give the command, ROLL OVER. Now, let go of your rock. It's that simple!

Your rock will roll end-over-end and will not stop until it tires of the game. Pet rocks usually get tired of the game when they reach the bottom of the hill. Follow your rock and praise it profusely. This praise will make your pet rock very happy and it will repeat the trick as soon as you return it to the top of the hill.

You will tire of this trick long before your pet rock does.

Play Dead.

Your pet rock will take to this trick like a duck takes to water. It is one of the most entertaining tricks a rock can learn, and a trick that is sure to get many affectionate laughs and approving glances from you and your friends.

Take your pet rock to its training area and, when you have its undivided attention, give the command, PLAY DEAD. If your rock is like most rocks it will not have to be told more than once. Immediately, it will go completely stiff as though rigor mortis has set in, and will remain in this posture until you give a different command.

Rocks enjoy this trick so much that often, when you're not even looking, they'll actually practice it on their own. It's not unusual to walk into a room and see a pet rock playing dead.

Shake Hands.

Don't be ridiculous. You can't teach a rock to shake hands.

Fetch.

To teach your pet rock to FETCH, throw a stick or a ball as far as you can. Next, throw your pet rock as far as you can. Rarely, if ever, will your pet rock return with the object, but that's the way it goes.

Attack Training.

A rock is a loyal, devoted pet that can easily be trained to protect you and your family. Woe be to the burglar or prowler who ventures into the home guarded by a pet rock-or the mugger who attempts to accost a pet rock's master.

There are two basic attack methods to teach your pet rock.

1.) Long Distance Attacks

2.) Close Range Attacks

Long Distance Attacks.

In those instances when your adversary is at a distance (such as when a bully kicks sand in your face on the beach and keeps on running), your pet rock will respond to the challenge instantly and effectively in assuring that it never happens again. First, wipe the sand from your eyes. Next pick up your pet rock. Shout the command, ATTACK!, and throw your rock at the bully with all your might. This method of protection is sure-fire and results are guaranteed, although you may want to practice your aim before attempting this maneuver.

Close Range Attacks.

If you are threateded at close range always use the Close Range Attack Method; it is the ultimate form of personal protection. The element of surprise enters into this attack method, thereby making it doubly effective.

When the adversary approaches within arm's length and demands all your money, credit cards, and other valuables follow these easy steps:

Reach into your pocket or purse as though you were going to comply with the mugger's demands. Extract your pet rock. Shout the command, ATTACK. And bash the mugger's head in.

Pet rocks really seem to enjoy this exercise and, in most cases, come away from the attack little the worse for wear.

NOTE:

Owners of Attack Trained pet rocks have a responsibility to society to use their dangerous pets for protection only, and not for instigating trouble of any kind.

In closing...

As the owner of a pet rock you have assumed a responsibility to love and care for this new addition to your family. If your rock should misbehave, be patient.If it should cause your problems, be forgiving. Under no circumstances should you turn your pet rock loose. The world is already overcrowded with discarded, unwanted rocks, and millions must be destroyed each year. These poor, unfortunate rocks meet brutal ends in roadbeds, cement mixers, or as land fill. Don't allow your pet rock to meet an untimely demise at the bottom of an obscure pile of rubble. Remember; if you take care of your pet rock, your pet rock will take care of you.

If you used this to train your pet rock, or this encouraged you to adopt a rock, copy it and add your name- Qille, Gone With a Flash,

Copy and past if you own a pet rock


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That's What I'm Counting On by Kima-Mitsura reviews
Told in Chell's perspective, we now get to see what it may have been like if Chell hadn't been mute and if we could get an introspective look on her personality. Please play Portal 2 before reading. Gruesome stuff in Chapter 10. Finally updating again.
Portal - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 45,255 - Reviews: 121 - Favs: 123 - Follows: 132 - Updated: 3/25/2012 - Published: 5/4/2011 - Chell
The Dumbest Moron Who Ever Lived by irishluff reviews
The first fully sentient Artificial Intelligence has been created within the halls of Aperture. Now they just need to stop her from killing everyone. Desperate, they come together and build the only thing that might help: a moron.
Portal - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,969 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 9/21/2011 - Published: 8/1/2011 - Wheatley
Resolution by did-you-reboot reviews
Chell fully expected to succumb to Mobility Gel poisoning when her health started to fail a year after her release from the Aperture Enrichment Center. What she didn't expect was to find herself saved by the very constructs that tried to kill her.
Portal - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 78,797 - Reviews: 312 - Favs: 662 - Follows: 294 - Updated: 8/18/2011 - Published: 6/16/2011 - Complete
The Stitchpunks and I by MishaChanX reviews
I was bored, and decided that there were too many depressing stories about 9 on here, so i took it apon myself to create a random fanfic. Includes Magic, Randomness, and an exorcist in my closet! Rated T for some language and mild sexual themes. Go 9!
9 - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 19,659 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 11/10/2009 - Published: 9/26/2009