ThatFigureInTheCornerOfYourEye
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Joined 07-23-16, id: 8093822, Profile Updated: 07-25-16
Author has written 1 story for Web Shows.

If you are reading this then you are blissfully unaware of what is creeping up behind you...

There are but 3 things you need to know about me:

-I am most likely insane

-'I am a world before I am a man, I was a creature before I could stand.' -Before I Forget, Slipknot

-I listen to Bulls In The Bronx by Pierce The Veil when I am depressed, just to relish in the irony

My favorite quotes:

-"Don't judge me when I'm quiet, no-one plans a murder out loud."

-"Here in the forest, dark and deep, I offer you eternal sleep."

-"I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim."

-"Monsters are real, and ghosts are too. They live inside us. And sometimes, they win."

-"They laughed at my crayon drawings. I laughed at their chalk outlines."

-"I want to slit your throat and fuck the wound, I want to push my face in and feel the swoon..." -Disasterpiece, Slipknot

Now here's the stuff I've copied off of other people:

19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1.) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2.) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3.) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4.) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'In'.
5.) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6.) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'For Smuggling Diamonds'.
7.) Finish all your sentences with 'In Accordance with the Prophecy'.
8.) Don't use any punctuation.
9.) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10.) Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.) Specify that your drive-through order is 'To go'.
12.) Sing along at the Opera.
13.) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14.) Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15.) Five days In advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16.) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17.) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I won! I won!'
18.) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling ’Run for your lives! They're loose!'
19.) Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.

No Means No

"Can we have sex right now?

Girl: "Can we do what?"

Guy: "You know, can I be your first, finally?"

Girl: "Um...no."

Guy: "Why?"

Girl: "Because, 1. you have a girlfriend, who happens to be my friend..."

Guy: "So, if you don't tell, I won't tell."

Girl: "Besides that, I'm waiting for someone special. Someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life to be my first."

Guy: "I'm not special to you?"

Girl: "You're my friend. That's all."

Guy: looks forward and keeps driving.

5 minutes pass...

Guy: starts to run his hand up the girl's thigh.

Girl: moves his hand, "Don't touch me.".

Guy: tries to kiss her.

Girl: screams, "Would you stop."

Guy: continues trying.

Girl: moves to the back seat

Guy: parks on an abandoned street and gets in the backseat with the girl. Starts to kiss her.

Girl: pushes him off and scoots over, "Please, don't do this."

Guy: "Don't do what, I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes." Moves over to her and starts to unbutton her pants.

Girl: pushes him harder and says, "No, don't."

Guy: getting aggravated, punches her and tells her to stop "playing hard to get".

Girl: crying, continues to fight.

Guy: punches her harder, pulls her pants off, and holds her down.

Girl: screams as he penetrates her, "NO, please don't do this to me!"

Guy: puts his hand over her mouth.

An hour passes...

Guy: pulls back and wipes himself off.

Girl: sits on the corner of the seat, crying.

Guy: looks at her and says, "You better not tell anybody about this. If you're really my friend, you won't tell anybody about this. You know I love you." He reaches out his hand to touch her cheek.

Girl: pulls back, "Just take me home, now."

Guy: says, "Alright." Gets in the front seat and drives her home.

2 months later...

Girl: "Doctor, what's wrong with me. I haven't had my time of the month in 2 months."

Doctor: looks at her, "You haven't been having your "time" for a reason."

Girl: looks at him and says, "Why?" dreading the answer that she was sure to receive.

Doctor: "You are pregnant."

Girl: faints.

The story gets out that she is pregnant, and people start looking to the Guy. He claims that it isn't his because she was sleeping with every guy in the school(which was a lie). He goes to her and tells her, "I'm telling you, if you lie to people and say that I raped you, I'll kill you."

The Girl is completely devastated. First, he took her virginity and got her pregnant...then he lied about it. So completely depressed...the girl commits suicide by drug overdose...

7 Ways to scare your roommates

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you're hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son; people call her a slut and no one knows she was raped at 13.

People call another Guy fat; no one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight .

People call an old man ugly; no one knew he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war.

People call a women bald, but they don't know she has cancer.

Re-post this if you are against bullying and stereotyping. I bet 99% of you won't, but re-post this if you are the 1% with a heart.


So, how's that creepy tickle on the back of your neck feeling...

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