![]() Author has written 2 stories for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and Harry Potter. If you need a smile on your face read these... The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere. Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have. Is it time for your medication or mine? Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot that you're an idiot! A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a girlfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends grab those knives and stab those bastards back for you. A good friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows you're slightly cracked- Bernard Meltzer Friends are relatives you make for yourself- Gustache Deschamps Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Amateurs 1- Pro 0. To put it nicely, I hope you choke Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them. It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn. You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. A day without sunshine is like... night. I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster. Whoever said that 'nothing was impossible' never tried to slam a revolving door. When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it. When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell. Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?" If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train. Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness. I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight. Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over. Real friends don't let you do stupid things--alone. The butterflies are plotting SOMETHING... The Stupidest Things On Products On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.) On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits." (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Wow. That's really helpful) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (Aw, that's the whole purpose of buying the costume!) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat food!?) On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?) On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion). On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (That's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos!: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (the shoplifter special?) On a Korean knife: “Keep out of children.” (I should fucking hope so!) Boeing 757: "Fragile. Do not drop."(That means you, Hulk! Put that fucking airplane down, you might drop it!) Scoop-able cat litter: "Safe to use around pets." (Again, I should fucking hope so!) Baby oil: "Keep out reach of children." (Good thing babies aren't children, isn't it!) Hair coloring: "Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Yeah. My grandmother died because she thought my hair dye was ice-cream topping and put it in a sundae) Komatsu Floodlight: "This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark." (OMG!! That's as amazing as a newsreader reading the news!) Earplugs: "These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.) RCA television remote control:"Not dishwasher safe." (Did someone do this once...?) Road sign: "Caution: water on road during rain." (No. Duh. Sherlock.) If you're obsessed with fan fiction, copy this to your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise visa copy this into your profile If you ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this to your profile If you have ever copy and pasted something to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile (soon...) If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile. (you have no If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you’ve ever made faces in front of a security camera then paste this in your profile If you get bored easily, copy and paste this to your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you've written a fanfic, copy and paste this to your profile and add another chapter. 98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, EstellaB, NarnianMelody, tookieclothespen, bellabookworm9, GoodyGoody23, EdwardIsMyLover, FreakyTwilightLovero, Vampires_Rock,cullendrive, AlexandraCullen, Myself4994, BerryEbilBunny Peace Love Percabeth, LunaBeth203, Mrs.PercyPotter, eding420, foxyrox0671 (\)_(/) If you think rap is the most awfulest thing to ever be called "music," and that rappers are wanna-be's who are being paid to make fools out of themselves and can't even sing, copy and paste this into your profile.--And always remember. Crap can't be spelled without first spelling rap. If you hate child abuse and want it to STOP, copy and past this on your profile. Sweetness When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind. When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply. When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around. When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all. When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying. When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever. When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered. When a girl says "I love you." she means it. When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that. Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person. Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him. The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him. The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her.". The Percy Jackson pledge: I promise to remember Percy Whenever I'm at sea I promise to remember Annabeth Whenever a spider comes at me I promise to protect nature For Grover's sake of course I promise to remember Luke When my heart fills with remorse I promise to remember Chiron Whenever I see a sign that says ''Free Pony Ride'' I promise to remember Tyson Whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side I promise to remember Thalia Whenever a friend is scared of heights I promise to remember Clarisse Whenever I see someone that gives me a fright I promise to remember Bianca Whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother I promise to remember Nico Whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others I promise to remember Rachel Whenever a limo passes my car. I promise to remember Zoe Whenever I watch the stars Yes I promise to remember PJO Wherever I may go OMMG [PJO]PERCABETH[PJO] If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile Copy paste this to your profile if you'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of pushing the button on the TV. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. 92 percent American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others. (this one is kinda outdated...) If you ever have forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile. If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile. 16 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream... 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!" Copy and paste this if you laughed... I cried. When you were 5, your mom gave you an ice cream cone. You thank her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind. When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming class to soccer and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back. When you were 10, your mom paid for piano classes. You thanked her by never coming to class. When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thanked her by talking on the phone all night. When you were 14, your mom paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter. When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got. When you were 17, your mom drove you to the mall and gave you her credit card. You thanked her by maxing it out. When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn. When you were 20, your mom drove you to college. You thanked her by saying good-bye to her outside the dorm so you wouldn't have to say goodbye in front of your friends. When you were 26, your mom paid for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world. When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents became to children. Then, one day, she quietly died and everything you did came crashing down on you. If YOU love your mom, re-post this. Just do it. Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school, He told his friends that it was cool, And when he pulled the trigger back, It shot with a great, huge crack. Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told, I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold! When I went to school that day, I never said good-bye. I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry. When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another, And all because of Johnny, got the gun from his brother. Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much, And please tell Zack, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush. And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now, And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class, And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this. But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss. And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry. Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest, But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could please listen to me if you would, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live. But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late, Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date. I love you, Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you" Please if you would, If you pass this on, Maybe people will cry, Just keep this in your heart, For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye". If you are against guns and violence, put this in your profile. THEY HURT HER: About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone that she fell...and they believed them. THEY HURT HER. FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post but didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off. Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true. If you don't repost saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you. On December 24th, 2006 at 8:00 in the morning, a 14-year-old boy by the name of Scott Jackson was found dead. Doctors couldn't come up with the cause of his death. His mother checked his e-mails to see if she could figure out what happened. Turns out he was still signed into his Yahoo e-mail account. She found he had gone to sleep after he read and didn't send a chain letter about a little girl who kills you in your sleep with no natural cause of death. This is the e-mail she read: My name is Ofelia Heras. I'm 16 years old. I'm a murderer. I have no face. When you look at me you'll die immediately. You have 900 seconds to repost this onto your profile or I will visit you tonight. This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, "I'll miss you, buddy!" Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls. |
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