![]() Author has written 1 story for Inuyasha. 16 THINGS IM GOING TO DO AT WALMART 1.Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they arent looking. 2.Set all the alarm clocks in Electronis to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice leading to the restroom . 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an offical tone,"code 3' in housewares. 5.Go to service desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6.Move a "CAUTION-WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area . 7.Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8.When a clerk asks if they can help you begin to cry and ask 9.Look write into the security camera&use it as a mirror and pick your nose. 10.While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 11.Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission impossible"theme. 12.In the auto department,practice your "Madonna look''using different size funnels. 13.Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 14.When an announcement comes over the speaker, assume the fetal position and scream... 15.Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly,"There is no toilet paper in here!" 16.Get several bouncy balls and throw them down a aisle shouting"Pikachu I choose you!" IF YOU LAUGHED AT THIS REPOST ON YOUR PROFILE. YOU KNOW YOU DID SO POST IT OR ELSE... Gary Provost "This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It's like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums,the crash of the cymbals-sounds that say listen to this, it is important!" UNIVERSAL TRUTHS 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever. 15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Crap!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? 16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. 17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. 20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it. 22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. 23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text. 24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year? 29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. 30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers. 31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time! |
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