XxRetarded NerdxX
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Joined 04-20-09, id: 1908669, Profile Updated: 08-05-09

Im sorry but i have Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

If you read this, evil bunny won't kill you. Well, maybe he will. I don't know. I can't speek for the bunny...

(\_/)
(O.o)

I have just made this profile considerably longer. Oh, well.

Edward vs Normal guys.

A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!”
Edward Cullen would say: “You are my life now.”

Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.”
Edward Cullen would say: “The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb”

Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!”
Edward Cullen would say: “Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.”

A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.

If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself cause life without you isn’t worth living.

As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”

As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.

A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast everyday.

While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.

A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.

While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: “It’s like you’ve taken half myself with you”

A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
“Do you want me to sing to you? I’ll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away.”

A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car.

Something everyone should remember: Emmett is the strongest. Edward is the fastest.But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make you feel jealous.


If you are against discrimination of any sort, copy and paste this in your profile. If you believe that all life is equal, no matter what sort of creature it is, copy this into your profile. If you think that all the world's problems could be solved by talking things out, copy this into your profile. If you think the taboos of the world should be broken, paste this into your profile. If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't ignore it because the Bible says that If you deny me, I will deny you in front of my father and the glory of Heaven. If you would lay your life down for a friend, copy and paste this to your profile and add your name to the list. Ensign Nellie Forbush, Lady Barbossa 329, Rock'n'Slash, XxRetarded NerdxX, If you don't believe in stereotypes, copy this into your profile. If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, copy this into your profile.

People of the world who HATE math UNITE! If you suck at math and think anyone who likes math is weird copy and paste this into your profile.

If you agree that rum is for drinking, not burning, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're stalking a fictional character copy this to your profile.

If you want to fire and/or sue those bloody weather men for giving you false hope so often (for snow days or something)...Copy and paste this to your profile, so we know who to call when we lead an angry mob :)

If you can listen to a song and match some of the lyrics up to your life copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you absolutely LOVE to sing even though you may or may not suck copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly stupid, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you too are in love with a fictional vampire named Edward Cullen and are unashamed to admit it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...and then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're sick of seeing the "Copy and Paste" junk on other people's profile and just want basic info not "copy and paste" crap, copy and paste this onto your profile.


Now here's a few random sentences...

ENJOY!!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

"People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door."

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Your mom looks like Voldemort (oooooh burn)

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Tell the truth and run.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

"When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade"

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Don't mess with me I've got a stick

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the

best in you.

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it."

"Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else"

"Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real."

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not."

"Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?"

"What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy."

"Guns don't kill people. I do."

"A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying 'Man, that was fun!'"

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you."

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Ever had writers block when talking?

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Smile, and the world will smile back at you. Laugh, and they'll all think you're on drugs.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak.

People can be divided into three groups. Those who make things happen. Those who watch things happen. Those who wonder what happened. Congratulations on being the captain of the third group.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Straight is something crooked that was bent.

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy.

If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

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Twinkle Twinkle Little Star by 2brown-eyes reviews
Small town Bella Swan happens upon something unusual in a remote cabin in the woods. Suddenly, her life is forever changed as she is propelled into the chaotic world of the rich and powerful Cullen family of Boston.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 40 - Words: 130,670 - Reviews: 5475 - Favs: 1,913 - Follows: 2,231 - Updated: 3/29 - Published: 6/22/2018 - Bella, Edward - Complete
You're The Nicest Thing by LaLainaJ reviews
Caroline and Klaus are just getting over an awkward patch - having terrible sex will mess things up for even the best of friends. Caroline's just trying to get back to normal but Klaus has very different ideas.
Vampire Diaries - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 49,705 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 153 - Updated: 1/14/2018 - Published: 10/23/2017 - Caroline F., Klaus - Complete
Keeping Up Appearances by Sophia Chase reviews
When Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes cross paths at an airport during a snow storm on Christmas Eve their initial dislike for each other turns into a mutually beneficial arrangement. But is the façade they've created hiding more than either of them are willing to admit?
Vampire Diaries - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 50 - Words: 214,061 - Reviews: 1488 - Favs: 594 - Follows: 672 - Updated: 4/25/2016 - Published: 11/3/2014 - Caroline F., Klaus - Complete
Stolen Secrets and Shattered Dreams by FoxxyJ reviews
A NYC barman views his mind reading as an isolating cancer, until he meets a lonely 28yr old trying to escape her sad reality. His life is full of harsh lessons. Hers an uphill battle, so she never complains when a beautiful boy pushes her away time and time again. EXB AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 173,250 - Reviews: 4084 - Favs: 3,745 - Follows: 2,416 - Updated: 4/21/2015 - Published: 9/16/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Devil In Me by immortalpen reviews
Klaroline set in Regency era. It's 1809, the beginning of the season in London, the wealthy Pierce sisters, with their companion, Caroline Forbes, arrive from Virginia. Entering the aristocratic world of the ton, they soon meet a particular family, among them, the infamous, troubled playboy Niklaus. AU and Dark, includes most of cast with content rating up to M in later chapters.
Vampire Diaries - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 48 - Words: 270,215 - Reviews: 2065 - Favs: 1,159 - Follows: 1,124 - Updated: 1/25/2015 - Published: 12/4/2012 - Caroline F., Klaus - Complete
Artful Maneuvers by planetblue reviews
I needed to figure out who Edward Cullen was before he figured out me.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 85,825 - Reviews: 6380 - Favs: 3,144 - Follows: 2,287 - Updated: 11/21/2014 - Published: 9/15/2014 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Sanctuaries by Borzoi reviews
*Sequel to Dungeons* Klaus and Caroline have come a very long way ever since the Original Hybrid first wreaked havoc on Mystic Falls. But when old friends become new enemies, when a long-kept secret turns into a threat, when fear clouds the senses... will it strengthen their bond, or will it destroy their newfound happiness?
Vampire Diaries - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 56 - Words: 329,686 - Reviews: 1177 - Favs: 500 - Follows: 309 - Updated: 9/23/2013 - Published: 6/15/2013 - Klaus, Caroline F. - Complete
Prowl by withfireandblood reviews
The Mikaelson family had a saying. "Love beyond family is the greatest weakness. We do not feel and we do not care." It was a code he lived by. So why did he save the girl? Klaus / Caroline.
Vampire Diaries - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 175,688 - Reviews: 3150 - Favs: 3,576 - Follows: 2,353 - Updated: 7/25/2013 - Published: 9/27/2012 - Klaus, Caroline F. - Complete
Dungeons by Borzoi reviews
Some things are best kept under wraps, locked away in the depths of the mind, never allowed to surface. But when the occurrences of the past begin to pour into the present, Klaus has to confront his demons to keep those who matter most to him safe. His family. And the girl who was supposed to be nothing but a challenge. Will he conquer what has been haunting him for 600 years?
Vampire Diaries - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 48 - Words: 194,576 - Reviews: 557 - Favs: 878 - Follows: 421 - Updated: 6/15/2013 - Published: 2/13/2013 - Klaus, Caroline F. - Complete
Sideline Collision by Nolebucgrl reviews
A cocky QB runs into a snarky band geek. What happens when they collide on and off the field? Rated M.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 32 - Words: 196,343 - Reviews: 12658 - Favs: 8,854 - Follows: 6,406 - Updated: 4/11/2013 - Published: 2/15/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Heartbeat by withfireandblood reviews
A/U Niklaus is a professional hitman waiting for the right moment to finally confront his father. Caroline is the girlfriend of a dangerous druglord whose partners are sick of his underhanded schemes. He never expected for her to be more than part of the job.
Vampire Diaries - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 111,700 - Reviews: 437 - Favs: 780 - Follows: 373 - Updated: 10/11/2012 - Published: 6/23/2012 - Klaus, Caroline F. - Complete
Unplanned Perfection by littlecat358 reviews
Bella and Alice were best friends, which made Bella the only girl off limits to Alice's brother Edward. When a party the summer after graduation gets out of control, Bella's world is turned upside down. "He doesn't know. I don't want him to."
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 42 - Words: 382,594 - Reviews: 13472 - Favs: 9,777 - Follows: 5,081 - Updated: 9/25/2011 - Published: 8/11/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Subject: Edward Cullen, aka The Womanizer by ericastwilight reviews
Edward's family hire Bella Swan to break the heartbreaker's heart in hopes to have him see the error of his womanizing ways. But she falls hard, too, at the risk of breaking her own heart when the truth is revealed. EXB-AH-OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 43 - Words: 328,966 - Reviews: 9529 - Favs: 8,816 - Follows: 5,806 - Updated: 9/2/2011 - Published: 10/18/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Betting Man by mybluesky reviews
Edward makes a bet with Bella's ex, James, that he can bed her. Bella learns of the bet through a friend and decides to string Edward along for a bit and subsequently land herself a hot date for her friend's wedding. Things soon get very interesting...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 34 - Words: 181,108 - Reviews: 6654 - Favs: 6,034 - Follows: 2,953 - Updated: 8/31/2010 - Published: 12/9/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Maybe I'm Falling For You by coldplaywhore reviews
Edward and Bella meet one cloudy May morning at their neighborhood coffee bar. Little do they know that they have actually been conversing for several months under assumed names. Collaboration between CPW and FLB11. M for language and lemony goodness.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 36 - Words: 202,788 - Reviews: 6241 - Favs: 4,241 - Follows: 2,310 - Updated: 8/23/2010 - Published: 8/30/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Such Great Heights by SydneyAlice reviews
Edward Cullen is in desperate need of a nanny after his wife walks out on him and their five-year-old son. Bella Swan is a teacher with no job prospects. Can she find her true place in the world while helping father and son overcome their pain? AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 32 - Words: 107,444 - Reviews: 9708 - Favs: 8,820 - Follows: 3,512 - Updated: 7/2/2010 - Published: 1/9/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete