Author has written 12 stories for Harry Potter, Naruto, Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy X, Kingdom Hearts, Higurashi/Umineko series, X-overs, and Prototype. OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE: Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. TRUE LOVE: A girl and a guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle. Girl:Slow down, I'm scared. Guy:No, this is fun. Girl:No it's not, please, it's so scary. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl:I love you, slow down. Guy:Now give me a big hug She gave him a big hug Guy:Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself, It's really bothering me. Suddenly she gets suspicious and realizes the brakes are out and the guy was making some stupid idiotic gesture or was suicidal. She yells...CUT THE ENGINE OFF! THE KEY IS RIGHT THERE IDIOT!! THE CLUTCH ALSO WORKS TO DISENGAGE THE ENGINE!! YOU CAN EVEN DOWNSHIFT!! MAYBE EVEN TRY RELEASING THE THROTTLE!!! When the motorcycle coasts to a stop a short time later she gets off and storms away refusing to ever speak to anyone that stupid again. If you have warning on a motorcycle, which this guy obviously did, it is EASY to decelerate and there are MANY ways to cut power to the engine. Even laying the motorcycle down is preferable to RUNNING into a building. If you have the above thing in your profile, remove it. Do not pay homage to stupidity. :D i found this on another profile and decided to spread the word because thinking about it now the original was pretty stupid. 1. Only in America ...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America ...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America ...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America ...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. 10. Only in America ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering If i write another Naruto story it won't have Naruto with a bloodline. That to me kind of proves cannon Neji right about the whole fate decides everything thing as if the cannon series itself hasn't been doing that enough already. announcement Any stories I write from now on will follow the rules I believe any good story should follow. 1. The protagonist must have an ultimate goal to attain - after all the protagonist doesn't actually want anything then they won't go seeking out the conflict necessary to attain that goal and the story just never goes anywhere. Quite a lot of fanfics regrettably tend to fall into this pattern 2. (And this one really needs to be here for all the times I see this) the protagonist must have a flaw of some kind - this flaw doesn't have to be power per say you can have an all powerful god like character if you really want, the flaw can be personality or intelligence wise but there needs to be one. Eren Yeager from Attack on Titan after all is arguably the most if not one of the most powerful characters in the story with healing abilities that would make Wolverine jealous and yet he does have a flaw and if I need to tell you what that flaw is you have clearly not watched Attack on Titan for some insane reason. Most fan fics tend to make the mistake of just making their protagonist a huge Mary Sue that is simply good at everything and has no apparent personality flaws compared to all the other plebian characters they are surrounded by. That just makes the story predictable and boring, conflict makes a good story everyone. Its hard to have good conflict if you can solve it by yawning at it. 3. Finally and I cannot stress this enough because even cannon shows love to do this - Make a good and believable antagonist, the antagonist is the real guy that drives the story after all. You can have a protagonist that is bland as hell and as long as the antagonist is incredible the story will be great. Let me show you what I mean. I am here to ask you a question, is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? No says the man in Washington it belongs to the poor No says the man in the Vatican it belongs to God No says the man in Moscow it belongs to everyone I rejected those answers Now just from that how many people can tell me, who said that speech, what game it's from, what year the game came out in, and when in the story does the protagonist hear that speech? Most people could probably answer all of those questions just from reading the first line of that speech which is incredible considering I didn't even write the whole speech. If you don't know then what rock have you been living under? In Bioshock the protagonist is silent and only speaks once, well twice if you count one audio diary and has no personality really. Yet we know the antagonist almost instantly. Andrew Ryan, not even the real main antagonist of the game, he only appears for one scene and yet he is one of the top ten best video game villains of all time. Why? Because you get to know him over the course of the game through his communications with you and your hearing his audio diaries. You get to see how his vision failed and how he became the dictator he is by the time you find him. He's a character with real depth to him. Most villains however... Take a look at these famous examples Nagato Pein: I was betrayed by a war lord and I totally didn't see that coming and my friend died...destroy the world! Obito Uchiha: a girl I liked died...destroy the world!! Madara Uchiha: I got passed over for promotion...wreck the world!! Voldemort: my father never loved me...I'm going to take over the world!! Seriously people at least give your villains a good believable reason to be evil they're the most important people in the story because they work against the protagonist and therefore are the source of the conflict the protagonist has to get through. Sasuke Uchiha while not too popular a character for good reason at least had a plausible reason for being a villain in that he was horrifically traumatized at a young age after he saw his clan murdered in front of him and then found out it was done because his own brother was more loyal to the government than his own family. That forces me to go to another rule here 4. If you're good guys are more morally rotten and arguably even more extreme than the so called bad guys your doing something wrong! I don't get why so many people love Itachi Uchiha and think he's a great guy. Let's observe what he did in the story another way. You have a soldier that is loyal to their government, so loyal in fact that they are perfectly willing to kill their own family who want to overthrow that government for legitimate reasons that said government is targeting and hurting that family, then the soldier uses the flimsiest of excuses for murdering his own family (that other countries would take advantage I guess Cloud and Sand villages being allies and bound to help in a time of war which would do a lot to make Rock village back off and Mist wouldn't get involved because it had...uhhh...a civil war that no-one took advantage of) but leaves his traumatized little brother alive so that the government he is so loyal to can brainwash him into being just as loyal as him and if that doesn't work for whatever reason eh that's fine the soldier can forcibly brainwash his younger brother to ensure he becomes as slavishly loyal to the government as he is. Wow what a great good guy that makes!! Yeah paint Itachi's actions any way you like Itachi fans that is exactly what he did. And he did admit that brainwashing Sasuke to be totally loyal to Konoha was his backup plan. Viewed objectively I don't see how the hell anyone can think Itachi is a good guy in the slightest. Were he a real person we would think him a crazy government loving fanatic. So again if you're good guys make better bad guys than the bad guys themselves you're doing something wrong. There's nothing wrong with making the good guys get more and more extreme as the story goes on and the bad guys get tougher and more ruthless but don't give them the bad guys job unless your going the Far Cry 3 route where the whole point is to make the main character wonder if they are doing the right stuff after all. |
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