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Joined 04-17-09, id: 1905219, Profile Updated: 06-22-11

My name is no one's business. I'm a college student from California. My age is 22. I have always had a thing for Twilight, although the movies killed it for me. Kristen Stewart my *. Bella deserved to be portayed by someone who actually has talent, and no I am not one of those jealous fan girls. I do enjoy making fun of "celeberties": Rebecca Black, Miley Cyrus, and any other person who believes they have talent just because their parents have spoiled them rotten. But I do believe that there are others who have proven that they have talent by working their way from the bottom: Justin Beiber, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Alex Goot, Beyonce, Christina Aguilera, etc. I have no stories at the moment but I will... someday. lol.

Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901

Bella Cullen: Luckier That You since 1987

Regular lions say ROAARR.

Angry lions say BLARGAROARIMMAEATYOU

Sad lions say roooaaar.

Mountain lions say: OMGEDWARDCULLENRUN!

You know you live in 2010 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/LiveJournal/MySpace.
4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.
7.As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
8. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.
9. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.
10. You were too busy to notice number five.
11. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.
12. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.
13. Put this in your pro if you fell for it. You know you did. (Yup, every SINGLE time!)

╔══╦══╦══╗ You have been diagnosed
║╔╗║╔═╣╔╗║ with Obsessive Cullen
║╚╝║╚═╣╚╝║ Disorder put this on your
╚══╩══╩══╝ profile if you have it too

╔══╦╦╦╦╦╗╔╦═╦╦╦══╗
╚╗╔╣║║║║║║║║║╩╠╗╔╝
Ѽ
─║║║║║║║╚╣╠╗║║║║║─

─╚╝╚══╩╩═╩╩═╩╩╝╚╝─

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy:Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love.

Things that made me laugh:

- My knight in shining turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

- One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

- OMG! I think I just saw a flying bird!

- yea you have the right to your own opinion, but i have the right to think your stupid.

- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

- Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

- Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.

- Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us

- No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me. =P

- The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.

- If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART & CLASSICAL MUSIC, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be f-ing them all.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I DRINK , so I MUST have no life.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I play VIDEO GAMES so I MUST be a LOSER.
I like to READ, so I MUST have a lot of free time
I TRY so I MUST be an over-acheiver.
I LIKE TO SING so I MUST be some "pop star".
I LIKE TO LOOK GOOD so I MUST be insecure.
I LIKE TO READ so I MUST have no life.
I TALK TO BOYS so I MUST be a slut.
I'm an HONEST PERSON, so I MUST be a bitch.
I WEAR MAKEUP so I MUST be a slut.
I'm FRIENDLY so I MUST be fake.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Illegal Contact by Jen733 reviews
Edward Masen is a 29 year old former NFL football player, now coaching high school football in Forks. He leads a quiet life until he meets a woman that will change his life forever. What's been missing from his life may be right in front of him. AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 79,822 - Reviews: 13468 - Favs: 7,924 - Follows: 4,871 - Updated: 2/23/2015 - Published: 8/1/2009 - Bella, Edward
My Little Bride by lovesam reviews
AH/AU OOC. Bella and Edward are forced into an arranged marriage by a pact made by their grandfathers. can a high school girl and a college graduate make this marriage work or will high school crushes and unwanted attention get in the way? first fanfic
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 17,931 - Reviews: 927 - Favs: 659 - Follows: 727 - Updated: 8/14/2012 - Published: 8/17/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Best I Ever Had by WhatsMyNomDePlume reviews
Sex between friends complicates everything. Bella knows this. But she has no idea how much more Edward is going to complicate things.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 64,919 - Reviews: 7636 - Favs: 11,516 - Follows: 6,103 - Updated: 6/25/2012 - Published: 2/17/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Lock Down by RedEnglishRose reviews
Edward Masen in the music room, Bella Swan in the library, Emmett McCarty in the gym, Jasper Whitlock in the history room, Alice Brandon in the art room and Rosalie Hale in the garage. Who knew being locked in school was fun? AH/AU, a bit OOC. ExB/JxA/RxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 42,887 - Reviews: 380 - Favs: 543 - Follows: 310 - Updated: 7/10/2011 - Published: 1/15/2009 - Complete
Forgotten by You May Call Me reviews
Bella is a vampire. She was "born" the same year as Carlisle. What will happen when Bella comes to Forks? What if the new vampire changes the Cullen's lives forever. But will she be a ally or enemy? What lurks beneath her pretty face? Who will she let in?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 41 - Words: 149,986 - Reviews: 865 - Favs: 874 - Follows: 587 - Updated: 6/29/2011 - Published: 11/23/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Something New and Real by BellazB reviews
Edward is 23 and a single father of two. All the girls want his money and Edward hates that. What happens when he meets Bella and her son? Will things change even if Bella is the nannie of Edward's children?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 27,136 - Reviews: 1166 - Favs: 1,057 - Follows: 508 - Updated: 4/24/2011 - Published: 12/11/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Parachute by KitsuShel reviews
After finding an abandoned child on the streets of Seattle, Bella Swan raises him for five years as her own. What happens to their life when his biological family is found? AU/AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 38 - Words: 158,875 - Reviews: 17834 - Favs: 11,701 - Follows: 5,890 - Updated: 2/3/2011 - Published: 6/8/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
You Scream, I Scream by WhatsMyNomDePlume reviews
Sometimes, competitions you didn't ever think you'd have lead to prizes you've always wanted to win. Written for the PostSecret Anon contest Prompt: My downstairs neighbor & I have screaming matches to see who is loudest. I usually win. Fluff.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,942 - Reviews: 273 - Favs: 998 - Follows: 196 - Published: 1/18/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Son of a Preacher Man by LaViePastiche reviews
The wild son of a famous televangelist, Jasper likes to love ‘em and leave ‘em. Will he meet his match in Bella, who’s in love with his sister’s boyfriend Edward? And what happens when Edward finally notices her? AH, B/E
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 189,838 - Reviews: 8246 - Favs: 4,873 - Follows: 3,023 - Updated: 3/8/2010 - Published: 5/12/2009 - Complete
My Brother's Best Friend by jennlynnfs reviews
AU/AH: Seven years have passed since Edward and Bella last saw each other. Now, with Edward's return to Seattle, Bella wonders what drove away her brother's best friend all those years ago. *More detailed summary included with chapter 1.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 254,658 - Reviews: 6122 - Favs: 9,422 - Follows: 5,398 - Updated: 2/28/2010 - Published: 7/4/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Controlled Burn by staceygirl aka jackbauer reviews
Summary: Bella has always joked about marrying Alice’s much younger brother so she could be a part of her best friend’s family, but now he’s all grown up and hot. Bella tries to control the burn for him, but it quickly becomes a raging fire. ExB AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 124,722 - Reviews: 11578 - Favs: 5,115 - Follows: 2,385 - Updated: 2/25/2010 - Published: 9/13/2009 - Complete
Getting the girl by karlaakamsloki reviews
“Oh Bella I’m so sorry, that wasn’t the way I wanted you to find out, and it’s not how I…” “Explain. Now.” I had no time for his ramblings. After making a deal with jock Edward Cullen, Bella will learn the meaning of the word lie.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,430 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 21 - Published: 2/14/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dear Mr Diary by LethalxLilly reviews
Emmett has a diary? Well this could only mean one thing: Emmett likes to journal. And it triggers random crazy events. Like Dora, christmas tree Alice, Sky Dieing, singing, blowing things up and the such. :D Rated Q for mass destruction.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 65 - Words: 38,274 - Reviews: 897 - Favs: 274 - Follows: 98 - Updated: 2/6/2010 - Published: 12/15/2007 - Complete
Reassigned Identity by Mk Marie reviews
Bella Swan:Anti-marriage, bad dating record. Edward Cullen:CIA Agent with a dark past. After witnessing something traumatic Bella is put under witness protection where she must pose as "Agent Cullen's" wife. What could go wrong? Now that you've asked..
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 117,548 - Reviews: 4904 - Favs: 4,710 - Follows: 1,697 - Updated: 1/4/2010 - Published: 9/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Christmas Surprise by Nollie Marie reviews
Dr. Masen would much rather be drinking at the party but instead he's playing Santa Claus. Things beginning to look up when a beautiful nurse sits on his lap and tells him what a naughty girl she's been. AH, Holiday-Lemons, co-written with Jayeliwood
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,525 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 340 - Follows: 111 - Updated: 12/27/2009 - Published: 12/24/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
MidDay Star by xXtwerdXx reviews
After Bella and Edward have left Forks for a few years they return to visit Charlie, but, this is the first time Jacob and Renesmee go as an item. Nessie wants their relationship to go to the next level. my first fanfic, pleez no flames! t cuz im paranoid
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 10,423 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 12/13/2009 - Published: 4/17/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Jacob
Finding Family by LAoR reviews
1863: When Bella's older brother, Jasper, goes missing in the war, she sneaks onto the warfront to find her beloved brother. But she is attacked, bitten, & forced to move on and spend her never ending time alone. 2006: She moves to Forks, WA to find not only her brother, but the gorgeous Edward Cullen.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 53,317 - Reviews: 944 - Favs: 955 - Follows: 788 - Updated: 11/2/2009 - Published: 12/16/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Good Enough by staceygirl aka jackbauer reviews
Edward works for the FBI. He's the best in his field and the worst at relationships with a habit of falling quickly in and out of love. When he gets shot, his nurse will take care of more than just his medicine. Is she good enough? E/B AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 48,667 - Reviews: 1795 - Favs: 1,501 - Follows: 564 - Updated: 9/14/2009 - Published: 8/7/2009 - Complete
You Grew Up In The 90's If by Aspen-SiredBySpike reviews
A series of ficlets and drabbles based on fads only a real 90's child would admire.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 50 - Words: 10,903 - Reviews: 1443 - Favs: 205 - Follows: 137 - Updated: 8/29/2009 - Published: 11/2/2008 - Complete
Bella Swan: Kidnapper by Kambria Rain reviews
Um. Hi. I don’t really know how to say this, but I have your kids with me, and I was thinking maybe you would like them back. So yeah… call me.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 74,736 - Reviews: 9186 - Favs: 16,589 - Follows: 3,618 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The List by Dobber17 reviews
Tampons, lingerie, red rover, cart races, and Batman. Throw in some embarrassment, humiliation and a geeky worker named Winston. Buckle your seat belts everyone; you're in for a fun night at Wal-Mart.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,202 - Reviews: 156 - Favs: 174 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 6/9/2009 - Published: 12/24/2008 - Complete
My mistakes were made for you by Miss Baby reviews
Bella and Edward shared a passionate romance during spring break in Florida. Five years later Bella is a single mom living in New York. What happened? Will Bella and Edward ever find their way back to each other again? All human, Canon pairings.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 41 - Words: 269,343 - Reviews: 2343 - Favs: 3,743 - Follows: 1,274 - Updated: 5/4/2009 - Published: 8/20/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
ReHitched by Nollie Marie reviews
/Sequel to Hitched/ Edward & Bella want to renew their vows the ‘right’ way. But w/ stress from work, being parents to new born twins, PLUS the wedding plans will they make it back to the alter? And who is this stranger who keeps visiting Bella? Plez R&R!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 58,232 - Reviews: 1851 - Favs: 1,792 - Follows: 973 - Updated: 1/1/2009 - Published: 3/16/2008 - Complete
My Pen Pal by Shaps reviews
AU, OOC, All Human. “Dear Bella, My name is Edward Masen. I’m a student at Port Angeles High.” Shopaholic Alice hates smart-ass Jasper, Jacob’s a jerk, Bella’s taken. Words both break and build relationships – so what will it be? BxE, AxJ
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 142,515 - Reviews: 1656 - Favs: 1,162 - Follows: 418 - Updated: 12/1/2008 - Published: 6/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Night Without Stars by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
One-shot. All human. Edward died in the 9/11 attacks. It's the one year anniversary and Bella visits his grave. She remembers their best nights as she fills him in on her life. Very, very sad.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,783 - Reviews: 605 - Favs: 648 - Follows: 120 - Published: 8/30/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
July Fools Day? by TeamEdwardCullen8208 reviews
Despite Edwards warning, Bella insists on coming over on the Vampire version of April Fools Day. Will the Cullens take advantage of poor, clumsy, unsuspecting Bella? Of course! NOW COMPLETE, SEQUEL NOW UP!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 14 - Words: 30,294 - Reviews: 377 - Favs: 302 - Follows: 125 - Updated: 4/26/2008 - Published: 3/30/2008 - Complete
Hitched by Nollie Marie reviews
What happens here, doesn't ALWAYS stay here. It took Bella one cheating ex-boyfriend and a few drinks to find herself married to Edward Cullen, who is handsome, weathly, and isn't about to let her go that quite easily. Please R&R. /Slightly OOC?/
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 65,289 - Reviews: 3576 - Favs: 4,821 - Follows: 1,365 - Updated: 3/16/2008 - Published: 11/16/2007 - Complete
Love in Affliction by Saiyachick reviews
-:-1895 England-:-Edward Cullen has always been a ladies man, but after seeing his late father's will, he must choose a bride before his eighteenth birthday otherwise his betrothal to the heinous Duchess of West Essex will be activated.-:-AU-:-
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 44,810 - Reviews: 2379 - Favs: 3,585 - Follows: 1,036 - Updated: 2/1/2008 - Published: 9/3/2007 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Girl Next Door by cherrytone reviews
Bella is sent to live with Renee after Edward left the first time. She is a senior in high school. Her hope to be invisible is squashed when she moves in next door to the most popular guy in school. Will Edward return or will Bella move on?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 14 - Words: 40,852 - Reviews: 936 - Favs: 610 - Follows: 359 - Updated: 12/29/2007 - Published: 6/18/2007 - Complete
My Brother and His Girlfriend by CuriosityRedux reviews
When Bella gets sick one night while staying at the Cullen's house, Jasper, Lord of Emotions, gets new insight into hers and Edward's relationship. J's POV
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,877 - Reviews: 462 - Favs: 1,372 - Follows: 202 - Published: 9/21/2007 - Complete
Edward and the Tampon by livelaughloveWRITE reviews
“What’s this?” He interrupted. He was holding a tampon. You’ve got to be kidding me. “It’s a tampon, Edward.” “What’s that?” I buried my face in my hands. This was not happening to me. “You really don’t know what it is?” “Do you eat it?”
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,599 - Reviews: 516 - Favs: 813 - Follows: 140 - Published: 9/15/2007 - Complete
Wishes by Saiyachick reviews
When Edward wishes for Bella could relive her childhood just once, he gets more than he bargains for when he and the rest of the Cullen family find a five year old Bella. How will a day with the child Bella go?/Sequel is up/
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,507 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 348 - Follows: 51 - Published: 7/21/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Vampiric Peaches by Llama Mama23 reviews
Emmett decides to attempt to turn peaches into vampires. WARNING: Extremely pointless and stupid!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,813 - Reviews: 759 - Favs: 905 - Follows: 135 - Published: 5/31/2007 - Complete
Pillsbury Doughboy by Alice001 reviews
What happenes when Emmett watches a commerical for Toaster Strudels? Read and find out! Please Review too!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 904 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 8 - Published: 5/14/2007 - Complete
Attention, WalMart Shoppers by sillybella reviews
Edward has decided Bella needs protection. What kind ofprotection? The kind you can buy at Walmart. In the pharmacy.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,536 - Reviews: 1739 - Favs: 3,172 - Follows: 670 - Updated: 1/29/2007 - Published: 1/24/2007 - Complete