Jelly Queen
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Joined 01-07-12, id: 3603532, Profile Updated: 01-14-12
Author has written 4 stories for Maximum Ride.

The life of a bird-girl with no life, and better yet, a laptop.


heh heh... I always wanted to write that...

Name: Supreme Amazing Jellylike Ruler of the Universe. But y'all can call me Jelly:)

Age: Six, almost sev-what's that? I'm going undercover? OH! Right! I'm eleven, of course.Don't mind me, I just...um...forgot?

Hometown: Jellyland Castle, of course, idiots. Where else? Baconland Castle?

Grade: Sixth, or Year 7 to all you Brits.

Future Career Choices: Teacher, Author, Reporter, Empress...something like that.

Hobbies: Reading, writing, listening to my muuuuuuuuuuusic, One Direction, drawing, reading, art, writing Fanfiction, reading, using pastels and oil paints, writing.


Go sign Saint's petition at

STOP KRISTEN STEWART AND ROBERT PATTINSON FROM PLAYING MAX AND FANG IN THE MOVIE!!

Spread the word!


CHECK OUT FLOCK UPDATES ON YOUTUBE!!

http://www.youtube.com/user/FlockUpdates

Also, St. Fang of Boredom's Fanpop group for them!:

FlockUpdates' Official Site!:


FAVORITE QUOTES('cause I luffles my quoteikins):


(Ok, let me just say before you read this that I did not actually assemble these quotes, I knida sorta stole them from St. Fang of Boredom since I couldn't think of anything, so...oops? Go check out her profile, people! Come on, you know you want to!)

"The existence of monsters results in monstrous consequences"- Edward Cullen-Eclipse

"Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV on the other hand..." -Edward Cullen-Twilight

"Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving."
-Edward Cullen-Twilight

"I've decided that as long as I was going to Hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."
-Edward Cullen-Twilight

"And So the lion fell in love with the lamb."
"What a stupid lamb."
"What a sick masochistic lion."
-Edward Cullen, Bella Swan-Twilight

"I made the cowardly lion look like the terminator." -Bella-Twilight

“I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures.” -Bella Swan-Twilight

"Holy (insert swear word of your choice here.)"-Fang-MR-AE

"I look like prep school Barbie. Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just one of her friends." -Nudge-MaximumRide-SOF

"Rowr!" -Fang-MaximumRide-SOF

"She offered to cook breakfast."-Fang-MR-SOF

"Those wacky Brits called fries 'chips'. And potato chips were 'crisps'. And cookies were 'biscuits'. I had no idea what real biscuits were called. Wangdoodles?" ~Max-MR-StWaOES

Jeb turned to her. "She's incorruptible." Bully for me. "At least by power." I said. "You haven't tried chocolate or cute shoes" ~Max and Jeb-MR-Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports.

You... are...a... fridge...with...wings...We're...freaking...ballet...dancers! ~Fang-MR-SOF

"I'm hit, Max. They got me. I guess I'm gonna live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse, huh?" Okay. In my experience, if you're really hit or seriously hurt, you don't say much. -Total and Max-MAX

Fang swerved closer to me, big and supremely graceful, like a black panther with wings. Oh, God. I'm so stupid. Forget I just said that. -Max-MAX

"What's your name?" "Isabella von Frankenstein Rothschild." -Angel answering Steve-MAX

"I'm only a kid! I can't get married!" "You could in New Hampshire." -Max and Angel-MAX (Interesting to me because I'm from New England. And yes, technically they could get married, but they need parental permission. Yeah...Fang: Dr. M? I'd like to marry Max. Dr. M: -pulls out chainsaw-)

"South America. It'll be warm. They have llamas. You like llamas." -Max-MAX

"Optimism is overrated, Max. Its better to face realitly head-on." -The Voice-SOF

"I feel like pudding, Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -Iggy-AE

"I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahs!" -Gazzy-STWAOES

"Have you guys been playing in the toxic waste again? Been bitten by a radioactive spider? Struck by lightning? Drink a super-soldier serum?" -Fang-FW

"Your middle name is 'Charging Off.'" -Total-MAX

"I choose you, Max" Fang-MAX (This quote makes me laugh. Why? Because I keep picturing Fang throwing a Pokeball and having Max pop out of it. Pokemon ruined my brain as a child...)

"Fang could turn men gay, but he wouldn't be gay with them. It's like a hit and run thing." -Ok, stole this from EdwardAddict. So sorry, but it was the funniest quote I've ever heard!! :-)

"It's lucky it's dark...I haven't blushed so much since Madame Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."
-Dumbledore-HP

"I believe misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat."
-Dumbledore-HP

"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
"Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
"Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor." -The Maurader's Map-HP-PoA

"I want to fix that in my memory forever, Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..."-Ron-HP-GoF

"Aaaah, when two Neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born."-Ron-HP

"Give her hell from us, Peeves."-Fred and George-HP-OotP

"We could be killed, or worse, expelled." -Hermione Granger in first book.

"So, people, let's try to calm down a bit. Things are bad enough without inventing stuff as well. For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That's a Basilisk, listeners. One simple test: check whether the thing thats glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it's safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that's still likely to be the last thing you ever do." -Fred Weasly- Deathly Hallows

"You bring the crowns and heads of conquered kings to my city steps. You insult my queen. You threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same!"
"This is blasphemy! This is madness! "
"Madness...? THIS... IS... SPARTA! "-King Leonidas and the Messenger-300

"You need people of intelligence for this sort of mission...quest...thing."-Pippin-LOTR-FotR

"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!"-Legolas-LOTR-TT(If you don't get why I put it here, type it into YouTube.)

"Oh joyous happiness of contentment."-St. Fang of Boredom

"Why do you call this dog Mohammed?"
"Because that's his name."
"You should not have called this dog Mohammed"
"I didn't call this dog Mohammed, his name was Mohammed when I got him. It was on his collar"
"It is blasphemy to call this dog Mohammed"
"I tried calling him something else, but he doesn't listen. Watch. Steve, bite this man's leg. See, nothing. Spot, bite this man's leg. Nothing. I might as well be speaking Farsi. You see where I'm going with this?"
"Well, I have a dog named Jesus"
"Well then, I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd lost your dog"
"I have not lost my dog"
"Really? I saw these flyers all over town with 'Have you Found Jesus?' on them. It must be another dog named Jesus.
Was there a reward? A reward helps, you know."
"I do not have a dog named Jesus and that doesn't bother you because you are a godless infidel."
"No, really, you can not name your dog anything you want and it won't bother me. But, yes, I am a godless infidel. At least that's how I voted in the last election." -Charlie & "bearded man"-A Dirty Job

"Your mother was a Hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"-The French Taunter-Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

"LET GO OF HER YOU FUCKING, BLOOD-SUCKING BASTARD!!" -Taurwen, from Saint and Hidanlvr's random rp.

"It's ok, Ryu here just thinks he's a dinosaur." "Rawr!"-Taurwen and Cody from the random rp.

"OMG! YOU'RE OLDER THAN ME!!"-Ryu from the random rp.

"Yeah, Stupid, I bet you can't even spell your own name!" "Can too! Curly. K...E...R...Hey, Brom? What comes after 'R'?"-Ethan (Max) and Dwight (Curly) in Sleepy Hollow.

"Do you like my meadow? Try some of my grass! Please have a blade, please do, it's so delectable and so darn good looking!"
"You can eat the grass?"
"Of course you can! Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies." -Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the new one.

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. --Macbeth, Act V, scene v.

“Bipolar? It means…” “A bisexual from Poland. Never speak to one, they’re trouble.” -Max and Iggy in Dizzy.Blonde.Girl's fanfiction Bisexual from Poland.

"Stop being Zac Efron!" -What Dominic yells at the emos.

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’? -No idea who said it, but I love it! It's a good point. Omg, this would make sense if Emmett Cullen became president!

"Hum, pocky, pocky, pocky, DEAD PIÑATA, DEAD PIÑATA!!" -SparxFlame, who is awesomely funny.

"If you don't here from us in a week, we'll be at the Hotel Nacional in Mexico City, Room 703." -Victor Velasco in Barefoot in the Park

"More cowbell!" -That SNL skit

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada and stuff." -Britney Spears

"It's alright to be crazy, just don't let it drive you nuts!" -The Great Jimmy Buffett

"DOOMED! They're all doomed. Notice I didn't say what kind of doom it was, so whatever happens to them, I will have predicted it.
How very wise of me" - Angela - Eragon

"You steal my mirror for vanity, so your attempt to steal it will be in vain! This mirror will bring you nothing but contempt and heartache. Jealousy will be your most sinister friend, should you gaze into my mirror. And you will never be able to eat eggplant again!" -Saint in Jeb's Magic Mirror.

"Nudge, it'll be ok, and Angel, she's not dying!" Still no freaking answer! Dr. M, pick up!! "Who's dying?" Gazzy asked, coming in. "Nudge." Angel answered. "Nudge is dying?!" "Nudge is NOT dying!" "Well, that's good to know, Fang." -Fang, Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel from Saint's Facts of Life

"Ok." Fang answered. "I've got a plan. Let's send Iggy to a monestary to become a monk. He'll take a vow of abstinence, and he'll never have to know!" I put my hands on my hips. "Fang, really." "Seriously!" Fang said. "And we can send Nudge to become a nun, and she can take a vow of silence! It's a great plan!" -Fang and Max from Facts of Life

Me: O-tay! ¿Me permite meter un mono en tú pantalones? Fang: ¡No! ¡No monos en mi pantalones! Me: ¿Por que? Fang: ¡Los monos morden! -Saint and Fang in St. Fang's Poetry Corner (I don't actually speak Spanish, so I had no idea what it meant...who knew Google Translate could be so useful at times like this?)

"And I'm his Doctor! Therapist! Boss! Slave-Master! Thing!" -Saint in A Day in Therapy.

"FINE!" Fang yelled, storming towards the woods. "FINE!" Iggy yelled, storming back into the house and closing the door. Fang was almost to the woods, when he stopped, realization crossing his face. "Wait, I just got kicked out of my own house!" -Fang and Iggy from Fanfiction Meets YouTube, by St. Fang of Boredom, based on a video by makemebad35.

"Oh, so you finally admit it." Iggy said. "We could be heading towards sudden death." "Jeez, Iggy, you're so bright and chipper these days, Mr. Sunshine!" -Iggy and Max in Fly By Twilight: The Pack

"Night Quills!" He started laughing again. "Hey, Max, you and me and the cops should go yelling and see if we can wake up the Flock before the neighbors show up. Bring Spiffy and Pooky!" -Fang from Another Form of the Avian Bird Flu (He's on NyQuil.)

Good news: I'm not stuck in the woods with a rapist or serial killer. Bad news: I'm stuck in the woods with a lunatic. I was just trying to think of a way out of this, when he said, "You don't believe me, do you?" So honest little me nodded. At that, he pulled off his shirt. "Oh great." I thought. "I'm stuck in the woods with a lunatic nudist." -Risa from Double Date by Saint.

Customer: Can you tell me where the produce section is? Fang: -shrugs- Customer: Can you tell me where the bathrooms are? Fang: -shrugs-Customer: Can you tell me anything? Fang: -shrugs- -Fang and a Wal-Mart customer in Job Listings

Don't do drugs, kids! Give hugs! This message has been brought to you by The National Republic of Canadia, Rice Crispies, and the letter Ñ. -Me, trying to raise money for the budget for Maximum Star Wars: Episode IV

I liked the one with the black wings, though. He was cute. I wanted to take him home and cuddle him. And feed him blackberries. I like blackberries. I would name him Fuzzles 'cause he looked like a Fuzzles. I decided to ask Gerald about it later. -Gozen from Gozen and the Feather Kids

"Alright, class. I know you're all excited about that yearly social meltdown event called prom, but, unless you'd like to fail my class in the name of sparkly dresses and spiked punch, you all have a project to work on. So please, get with your partners and get to work. If you need me, I'll be at my desk, taking a coffee break, and no, Alanna, you can't have any." -The fictional Mr. Hardy in Fly By Twilight: The Coven.

"Hey, whatcha reading, Bud?" Matt asked me, sitting next to me on the couch. For some reason, Matt always tried to be, like, my best friend or something. He kept calling me 'Bud'. I kept picturing his head in a noose. "To Kill a Mockingbird." "Awesome, Bud. Hey, I killed a bird once hunting with my dad." "Good for you." I wondered if I should be insulted. He technically killed a relative. -Fang and Matt in Bubbles, Football, and Pygmy Marmosets.(Why are all of these lniks to stories written by Saint?)

"Mybubblesmyprettybubblesmybubblesprettybubblesno!" -Tammy in Bubbles, Football, and Pygmy Marmosets. And yes, I can actually say that at that speed. Amazing, no?

"Fang, who do you think is spying on us?" "Many kinds of people." Oh, how prophetic. "Like?" "Samurai." Houston, I think we've found the problem. -Fang and Max in Ninja Fang.

You have a captive audience, Max. People are listening to you. Your story’s out, you can’t hide anymore. What are you going to do with this situation, Max?”This questioning was starting to tic me off. “Well, let’s see. Get a cut in the profits, buy new shoes, order a life supply of chocolate chip cookies, and hire a private investigator to find out who you are so I can kick your questioning ass. Anything else you’d like to know?” -The Voice and Max in MangaFlock

‘Don’t know where you are? Well, neither do we! Good Luck!’ -The map from Dramacon

"She's like a gray sqiurrel! I want to pounce on her!" "A gray squirrel?" -the two guys in the commercial for The Cougar.

I believe, if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. Then try to find someone who's life's giving them vodka, and have a party." -Ron White.

"Try new Flor-A-Flor. For itchy, watery eyes, it's Flor-A-Flor. Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, water weight gain, lower back pain, receding hairline, eczema, seborrhea, psoriasis, itchy chafing clothing, liver spots, blood clots, ringworm, excessive body odor, uneven tire wear, pyorrhea, gonorrhea, diarrhea, halitosis, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, hammertoes, the shanks, low sperm count, warped floors, cluttered drawers, hunchback, heart attack, low resale value on your home, feline leukemia, athlete's foot, head lice, club foot, MS, MD, VD, fleas, anxiety, sleeplessness, drowsiness, poor gas mileage, tooth decay, split ends, parvo, warts, unibrow, lazy eye, fruit flies, chest pains, clogged drains, hemorrhoids, dry heaving, and sexual dysfunction." I'm like, "I'll just have itchy, watery eyes!" -Jeff Foxworthy on medication side-effects.

"Boy, look at me. You see that little girl there? That's my only little girl. She's my life. So if you have any thought about hugging or kissing, you remember these words: I got no problem going back to prison." -Bill Engvall talking about his daughter

The guy next to me is losing his mind. I guess he must have had something to "live for". He says, "Hey man, if one of the engines goes out, how far will the other one take us?" I look at him. "All the way to the scene of the crash! Which is pretty lucky, because that's where we're headed! I bet we beat the paramedics by a good half hour! We're haulin' ass!" -Ron White during a plane crash.

"... I don't like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juce wears tights ..." -Dane Cook

Sean Connery: Knock, knock.
Alex Trebek: Who's there?
Sean Connery: Me, the guy who slept with your mother last night! -SNL Jeopardy Skit

Alex Trebek: Let's just go to Final Jeopardy, shall we? The category is; I can't believe this, the Final Jeopardy category is 'Famous Mothers'.
Sean Connery: Hah, Hah, Hah; My day has finally come, Trebek. -SNL Jeopardy Skit

"My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil." -Don't know who said it, but I love it!

“I HATE YOU LIKE A FLYBOY BREAKING INTO CHURCH ON A SUNDAY MORNIN'!” -Fang in Bellagail's Fangy Loves Joo St Fang of Boredom!

"Not to worry, we're still flying half a ship." Obi-Wan Kenobi - Star Wars Episode lll

"Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!" "Apparantly not" Obi-Wan and Anakin - Star Wars Episode lll

"I was begining to wonder if you even got my message" "We retransmitted it to Coruscant, just as you requested, Master. Then we decided to come rescue you" (looks up at chains) "Good job!" Obi-Wan and Anakin - Star Wars Episode ll

"You call this a diplomatic solution?" "No. I call it agressive negotiations." Anakin and Padme - Star Wars Episode ll

"So this is how liberty dies. By thunderous applause." Padme - Star Wars Episode lll

"If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?" -Jeff Dunham

"She should call you FEMA." "What does that mean?" "Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results." -Walter and Jeff Dunham

"How long have you been married? "47 years." "Wow, that's amazing!" "Yeah, that old bitch'll never die." -Walter and Jeff Dunham

"A swatch." "A swatch?" "Yeah, it was a watch some company in Switzerland made, so they called it a swatch." "Good thing they weren't in Croatia." -Jeff Dunham and Walter

"Silence! I kill you!" -Achmed

"God Damnit! Oh! Oh! I mean Allah Damnit." -Achmed

"I need some ligaments!" -Achmed

"Jefafa DunHAM Dot Com!" -Penut

"The weirdest part is, he'd like to kill me, but he can't, because that would be a form of suicide." -Penut

"Trust me, you would not do well in prison." Why not?" "Come here, puppet boy! Make your daddy talk." "So, you're saying I'd soon become someone's..." "Bitch." "On a stick." -Penut, Jeff Dunham, and Jose Jalepeno.

"Where there's a will, there's family, but that's not the point." -Saint. If you don't get it, think. 'Will' as in what you write when you leave your family stuff. Get it yet?

Anne: I’m thankful that I’m not your real mother, and I have a license to kill. Flock: 0_o Anne: And I want to adopt all of you! - From xxgldxx's MR SPOOF.

"But a quest to..." Grover swallowed. "I mean, couldn't the master bolt be in some place like Maine? Maine's very nice this time of year." -Grover - Percy Jackson, The Lightening Thief.

"I thought it would be obvious enough. The entrance to the Underworld is in Los Angeles." -Chiron -Percy Jackson, The Lightening Thief.

"We're orphans." "Orphans? But, my dears! Surely not!" "We got seperated from our caravan, our circus caravan. The ringmaster told us to meet him at the gas station if we got lost, but he may have forgotten, or maybe he meant a different gas station. Anyway, we're lost. Is that food I smell?" -Percy and Medusa -Percy Jackson, The Lightening Thief.

"I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck." "How lucky can they be? They're dead!" -Mulan's mom and grandmom -Mulan

"I'm about to whack my virtual head against my firewall." -Saint, in a comment to Fang on max-dan-wiz.

“Hell. On. Earth,” Iggy snapped. “A ninety-year old lady verbally assaulted me and the cart wouldn’t stop squeaking. I need to blow something up. Excuse me.” He stalked off. -Iggy in BlueWingedKitty's Co Ed Shopping.

"Krill yum yum yum!" -Bell, a.k.a. Aleria14. Believe in the yumness of krill!

"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." -Ronald Reagan

"Dear Diary, Do you have any idea what it's like to be a wanted criminal? (Don’t answer that question. I really don’t want this diary to end up like Ginny Weasley’s, since it tried to kill her.)" -Fang in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

“You assaulted an un-armed teenager, you snuck out in the middle of the night, and you, you…I don’t know what else you did but I bet it has something to do with why the national debt is so high!” -An angry Max to Fang in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

“I never noticed. You have a nice chest.” Well, then. Hot damn, that’s a way to change the mood. “I could say the same about you, but that’d be sexual harassment.” Max and Fang in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

"I was sitting in my room, contemplating on whether or not to read New Moon, the second part of the ‘Twilight saga’. (How is it a saga? Lord of the Rings – now that’s a saga, with intense battle scenes, powerful characters and an epic plot. But a girl falling in love with a vampire… that’s a series, not a saga. Learn the difference, young grasshopper.)" -A very true quote by Fang in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

“But you can’t buy happiness,” I said. “That’s not necessarily true,” Iggy interrupted. “I once met a very nice stripper named Happiness.” -Fang and Iggy in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

Then, he said loudly, “How about you give me a blow?” But Max didn’t miss a beat. “Sorry,” she said. “I choke on small objects.” -The 'Creepy Pedophile Guy' and Max in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

Wham! “GO TO HELL.” Bam! “NEVER TOUCH HER AGAIN.” Slam! “YOU’RE CREEPIER THAN EDWARD.” -Fang beating up a pedophile in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

"I hath telekinesis!" -Voldemort/Volzemort/Satan from the epic fail fic My Immortal.

Iggy grinned. "No response, huh? Alright, well, if you have nothing to say...Why don't you get out of here and leave us alone before I blow your balls off with an M-80, 'kay?" -Iggy in St. Fang of Boredom's story, Who Needs Dylan and Max?

"When you use the toilet, you put the seat up. When you're done, you put it down. Women in tribe start wars over this. Many deaths." -"Baboon" - Jungle 2 Jungle

"If I ever catch you cheating on me I'm going to do two things." "What's that?" "One, I'm gonna punch the other chick in the face, then ruin your chances of having children." -Hidanlvr said cheerily to her boyfriend. :D Boyfriend's reply: "That's ok. That's why I love you. And if you ever cheat on me, I'll probably just cut one of your boobs off in your sleep."

Hey ppl, did ya notice that if you put the first letter of the flocks name in a certain order (Iggy, Max, Fang, Angel, Nudge, and Gazzy) you get the word... I-M F-A-N-G. How awesometastical is that? -Found that on someone's profile. Awesome.

"One sperm with a sense of direction and I'm paying for it for the rest of my life." -Dorothy-The Golden Girls

"Yes, yes, and if he were your math homework he'd be hard and you'd be doing him on a desk. We get it, Saint." -Skittles' Iggy on Twitter.

"What would you do if you were magically turned into a pink mini-dragon that breathes sparkles, not fire, by the guy from the Lucky Charms commercial?"Me: I would dance around in circles singing songs by Ke$ha. Of course, that would happen on the same day that Saint's dad stops being a dick, Crossover decides to stop liking the Beatles in favor of the Jonas Brothers, the US Virgin Islands rise up and take over the world, Guam capsizes, Stevo lets go of his dick, Spiffy and Pooky get caught having gay sex by Fromo and Lear, who were having straight sex with the Maxes, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, and Rodney Dangerfield come back to life to create the greatest musical group of all time, Mario and Luigi lead an army of video game characters against the US Virgin Islands for control of the world, it starts raining wontons, Saint takes that as a sign and declares herself Pope, Fang takes that as a sign and declares himself Head-Boss-Jew-Oy!, the Jews of the world revolt on the grounds that there has never been a Head-Boss-Jew-Oy! and they don't want one, Captain Jack actually finds that rum, Iggy... does something, James Patterson finally writes a book that completely makes sense, MG says "eh" like a true Canadian, not just as a mistake, eh, ET tries to phone home, but he misdials and accidentally calls a sex line, Jesus returns, takes a look around, and runs back screaming to heaven, Bell actually doesn't get mentioned in a chapter of MM&aDK, and Max realizes this is the apocalypse she was supposed to stop, and in her last-ditch attempt to stop it, she gets crushed by a rampaging army of massive murderous Mexican mutant minkles." -Matthias answering a question from Vera in Me, Max, and a Dog Kennel.

"I hate you with the fiery passion of an angered mango!" -Vera, often.

"Stop it or I'll bury you alive in a box!" -A MadTV skit.

"You can be saved and baptized all you want, you can say that you're close to God, you can read the bible 1000 times, but if you're looking down on people because they don't think like you, you better read that bible one more time." -Skittles' Mom

"It wouldn't be my move. First the candy and flowers, then the apology letters, then the ravenous demon hordes. In that order." -Jace, City of Bones.

"You know how you can turn men gay, but won't be gay with them? The 'hit and run' thing? Alec could turn lesbians straight, not to mention send hordes of already-straight fangirls chasing after him, and yet, still gay. Damn it. You fictional men and your frustrating sexual habits." -Saint to Fang while reading City of Bones.


"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no flipping way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh crap, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole."


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair!).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)


Take Time To Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line!


H- having

A- anger

T- towards

E- everyone

R- reaching

S- success


15 Things to do when you're in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"


THE STORY OF JACK SCHITT

Jack: It's pronounced "shit", don't get it wrong.

Who is Jack Schitt, you ask? The lineage is finally revealed! Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation!

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' wishes, Deep Schit married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherloc, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then know as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the "Schitt-Happens" wedding. The children of the Schitt-Happens are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left the home to tour the world, and recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!", you can correct them.


Copy and paste this on your profile just cuz'.

Regular lions say "rawr"

Hungry lions say "rawrgeronfimgonnaeatyou!

Mountain lions say " OMEITSEDWARDCULLENRUN!!!!!!!!"


If you are crazy,random,and utterly insane and proud of it copy and paste this on your profile.

I am the girl who doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do, I said in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that most people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normally. I am the girl most people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on Facebook, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl who hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing things that nobody seems to have time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight and Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, AliceCloneoftheworld,Silent silver wings, Jelly Queen

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A- Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, SilverMoonArcher, forbiddesnkitsunegoddess13, Phoenix Fanatic, stormrider7 wingedsanya, Jelly Queen

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, EmmettCullenFan, Bella Masen Cullen, Me Love Edward Cullyou, SilverMoonArcher,forbiddenkitsunegoddess13, Phoenix Fanatic, stormrider7 wingedsanya, Jelly Queen


About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them.

FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off. (Yeah? Now where's the proof? How would you know that he freaked out? Were you showering with him? Are you a stalker? Can we all trust a stalker's words?)

Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true. (I personally didn't find anything that has to do with "David's" death *PLUS* proof.)

If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you. (Oh, I'm scared. I'm gonna be attacked by some girl with her head in the toilet.)

If you say there is proof. Like a picture or a video... ever heard of photoshop? I need eyewitness to believe something I already doubt.

If you hate this kind of 'post or you will die' thing, then agree with the rest of us. First, let's look at the facts. Carmen Winstead is supposed to be the 'poor girl who got bullied.' Well, according to this, she murdered David Gregory and any others who 'won't post this.' WELL, if she murders an endless amount of people, then she shouldn't be pitied. There's a flaw in this. I'm not saying you have to repost this, but to those people who hate this kind of 'threatening to post' thing, SHOW IT! Show you don't care! Even IF the story is true, you shouldn't be FORCED to post. Don't be afraid of a lie.


The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up.

He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism


Let's eat Grandpa!

Let's eat, Grandpa!

Use grammar. It saves lives.

(I was laughing like crazy when I read this...)


Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Never do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedics

The tooth fairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.

Backstabbing is fun... the look on your face is priceless

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly

Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

"All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies." (TOO FREAKING TRUE!)

Every time a guy ignores me, I know it’s just because he’s a avian-human hybrid and doesn't want to involve me in the crap he is in.

It takes 48 muscles to frown but only 14 to flip some one off.

Your epidermis is showing!

I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.

Ociffer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Colin.

Everyday I think people can't get any stupider. Everyday I am proven horribly wrong.

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.(Why do all the good jokes have to be so funny, yet so wrong?)

"I do not suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it."

You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, bitch.

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can't. (Heheh...that's funny.)

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?..

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again

Sometimes you just have to smile and walk away...hold your tears in and pretend you are okay... Or just slap them in the face, whichever.

The world would be a better place if fictional characters were real.

My life may be a joke, but its nowhere near as funny as your face :P

Boys are like pennies, two faced and worthless.

Nothing is impossible? Ever tried slamming a revolving door? I didn’t think so.

When life gives you lemons throw the in life’s face, they're probably poisoned.

When life gives you lemons, unless they hand you some water and sugar, your lemonades gonna suck.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

If you're doing to criticize someone, first walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! Silly human, are you surprised that we lied about having cookies?

I wish I had wings!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk

When in doubt, push random buttons!

You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, Who the hell drank half of my soda.

My attention span is just short enough to annoy you and ignore you at the same time.

When life gives you lemons, freeze them and throw them at stupid people

I smile because I have no idea what's going on.

I'm not short, I'm fun size.

It's a beautiful day... Now watch some idiot screw it up.

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence at something that happened yesterday.

"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff"

"I'm not going to call myself the god of vertically challenged people, I'm a dwarf"

"Odd how easily you can forget your hand is on fire"

"Pandas are awesome because they aren't racist. They're black, white, and Asian."

"Fan-Fic: Because sometimes the author screws up, and things need to be fixed."

"In 2012 I won't be freaking out about THE END OF THE WORLD! I'll be too busy freaking out about THE END OF MAXIMUM RIDE!"

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend than copy this to your profile.

If you have an annoying younger--or older-- sibling, please copy and paste this into your profile.

If random songs pop into your head for no apparent reason, copy and paste this on your profile.

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE, COPY/PASTE THIS ON YOUR PROFILE!!

If you have annoying siblings, copy/paste this on your profile!

If you're one of the few people who actually reads profiles, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love Harry Potter, copy this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing, or a combination of both, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fan fiction copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever snuck on fan fiction when you were supposed to be doing something else, say, your homework, copy and paste into your profile

If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, (250!? I've read a 900 in less than one day!) copy and paste this into your profile

If you read Deathly Hallows in under a week, (4 hours (holla!)) copy and paste this on your profile

If you counted how many days were left for Harry Potter 7 Part 2 to come out, copy/paste this on your profile

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile!

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would sigh and say: "where to begin?"

If you have ever zoned out for five consecutive minutes or more, place this on your profile

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your head off

If you have your own little world, copy and paste into your profile

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading, and writing, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to slap someone for no apparent reason but know you'll find one later copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who needs to get run over, copy and paste this into your profile.

Some people are like slinkies, good for nothing, but they make you smile when you push them down a flight or stairs. If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile.

I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me. If this saying applies to you, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you read Maximum Ride Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports in under four hours, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you love Maximum Ride , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate Robert Pattinson (so much that you laughed when you heard his car was towed away) , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are totally against Catherine Hardwicke directing Maximum Ride , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know all the words to your favorite song/songs copy and paste this to your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.


If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover,

Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliche, Insane Winged Girl, MysticalPearl,MaxWing,sk8rchickmax,Blackwingsrainbowtips, MyNameIsCAB, ChetCheerio, Weightless, MiniFeverency, XxFaxness4everxX, xXFlyingWithoutWingsXx,Girl-with-black-wings, rocketdog791, It’s Fnicking Awesomeness, Jelly Queen


If you have an increasingly sophisticated and extensive vocabulary, situate this in your, characterization.

What sweet little girls are made of: Sunflowers and bows. What awesome little girls are made of: Gun powder and lead. Copy this if you’re awesome

If you laughed out loud while reading Maximum Ride, copy this onto your profile.

If you screamed like a little kid when you found out a Maximum Ride movie was coming out, copy this onto your profile.

If you're obsessed with Max Ride to the point where it's not even funny anymore, copy this onto your profile.

If Faxness is one of your obsessions, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you wish you were Max Ride just so you could make out with Fang, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you used to be one of those girls who thought it was irrational to be in love with a

fictional character, then read about Fang and changed your mind, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fan fiction copy this into your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. (FANG!!!!!!!!!)

Copy this into your profile if you LOVE Fang!

If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think Fang is so smexy he is on the verge of exploding from smexiness, copy and paste this in your profile.


I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight and Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, GamerGal546, Girl-with-black-wings. Rocketdog791, It’s Fnicking Awesomeness, Jelly Queen


... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .sSS... ... ..sS... ... ... ... ... ... ... . If you're a girl and you've ever
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... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..sSSS. ... .sS.. sSS³.. ... ... ... ... ... ... . copy the Flaming Heart
... ... ... ... ... ... ..sSSSS³.. ... .sS.. .SS³ . ... ... ... ... ... ... ... into your profile!
... ... ... ... ... ... . SSSSS... ... ... sS³... ³S.. ... ... ... ... ... ... . (sorry guys, girls only)
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93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx, Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc., AVirgoGirl, xcheergrlx3, Mrs.DiAngelo, Nico's Future Wife, DaughterofPoseidon32498, larkgrace, Daughter of Athena94, rocketdog791, It’s Fnicking Awesomeness, Jelly Queen


-If you read peoples profiles, looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy this into your profile.

-If you have WAY too much things to do on your hands and your on fan-fiction.net instead of doing them, copy and paste this in your profile.

-65 percent of teenagers spend more time watching TV than reading. If you are part of the 35 who read more than you watch TV then copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.

-If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

-If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals don't use the meat, copy and paste this into your profile.

-Drugs are bad news. Spread the word.

-Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your profile.

-Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.

-If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this into your profile.

-98 of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you like fire and fireworks and explosions and things that go boom, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you have ever yelled at an inanimate object copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever wanted an inanimate object to go die copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever thrown something at your television when you saw a character you despised, whether it be a piece of popcorn, a fork, or a chair, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you love to sit at your computer all day, doing time wasting things, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you spend 10 hours on Fan-fiction each day, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you enjoy reading the and copying the "copy and pastes" from other people's profiles to your own, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you are a computer addict, copy and paste this in your profile.

-If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have a thing for pasting things on your profile, paste this on your profile

-If you're on the computer, paste this on your profile

-If you aren't me, paste this on your profile.

-If you have ever yelled at and/or slapped an inanimate object from anger, paste this on your profile.

-If you have a profile, paste this on your profile

-If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

-If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

-If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear baiting, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!

-If you have ever wondered what the afterlife is like, copy this into your profile.

-If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile.

-If you've met your not-blood related twin (in resemblance or personality), copy and paste this in your profile.

-If you've ever wished a book character was real so, so, so incredibly bad, copy and paste this onto your profile. (FANG!!!)

-If you've ever said a totally random comment that had nothing to do with the conversation for no reason whatsoever, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because you're a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you are obsessed with something and people have told you that you are crazy copy this to your profile.

-97 of percent people would cry if Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen from Twilight) was standing on top of a sky-scraper, about to jump. If you're one of the 3 who would sit there eating popcorn screaming "DO A FLIP!" Then copy & paste this on your profile :)

If someone has ever asked you what Maximum Ride is about, and they give you a look that says, do-I-really-hang-out with you? copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you weird, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever sang the "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" song copy this into your profile!

If you want to see Maximum Ride(the movie) on the very first day it comes out... I'LL SEE YOU THERE!(oh...and copy this to your profile.)

If you have ever stayed up ALL NIGHT just so you could finish a really good book, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you are in love with a fictional character, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever walked into a wall because you were looking sideways at a friend, copy this into your profile.

If you have more than 100 books in your room, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that people who don’t like Harry Potter are crazy/stupid/losers, copy this into your profile

If you think that people who don't like Maximum Ride are crazy/stupid/losers, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you constantly forget what you're saying or are about to say, and I mean CONSTANTLY, copy this into your profile.

If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been the only one to think some really stupid joke was funny, copy this into your profile.

If you only copy and paste this crap into your profile to make fun of yourself, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over nothing, copy this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you ever wished you had wings and could fly with the flock copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If u have a sister or brother who is a morning person, and u sometimes want to strangle them for waking u up at6 AMon a SATURDAY because they turned on the TV in another room or something, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking' Trix, copy this into your profile

If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freaking' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think that the leprechaun should just give the kids the freaking Lucky Charms so they'll stop chasing him copy and paste this onto your profile

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

If you know that getting good grades has nothing to do with being smart, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile:)

If you are a total spaz copy this on to your profile

If you absolutely HATE Justin Bieber then copy and paste this onto your profile.

94% of teens would die if Justin Bieber was abut to jump off a cliff, you are one of the 6% that would be screaming "DO A FLIP!!" then copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

If you are like Max, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you relate everything to Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you absolutely CANNOT live without one or all of these books series (Harry Potter, Maximum Ride, Hunger Games, Mortal Instruments, The Missing etc.), copy and paste this into your profile!

If you love the whole blind, pyro, mutant, baker thing about Iggy, post this in your profile.

If you hate it when people label you, copy this into your profile

If you have a secret that nobody knows copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have had enough of me copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like me and my stories copy this onto your profile

If you think Max and Fang should get together now copy and paste this into your profile.

If you relate everything to Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you wish that you could fly so much it hurts, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever imagined killing off a fictional character to steal her fictional boyfriend, copy this in your profile (Fang!!!!!!!)

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile

When I read Maximum Ride I wanted to kill Fang for not kissing Max sooner. I mean, COME ON! If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile.


Boys say that in everything they do, they can kick a girl's butt so bad that they cry. If you're a girl who kicks the boys' butts so bad they cry like girls, copy this into your profile and add your name. Moonstar of FireClan, Flamestar, Samishi Destiny, Silverstar's Shadow, Darkangel24700, iLoVeMoOnYnPaDfOoT, Someone aka Me,Yourcool79, Give up your Prejudices, MyNameIsCAB, chibi-sarus, hawkstar2, CrazyLittleKookoo, rocketdog791, It’s Fnicking Awesomeness, Jelly Queen

If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl)Pepper Lemon(Roshaun, Ronan) Second Daughter of Eve (Several, not telling.),Phish Tacko (Marty McFly, Klaus Baudelaire, Alex P. Keaton) Sugary Snicket (Danny Phantom/Fenton in my early FFN days, Durza, Dexter Morgan, Sirrus) FanofSnicket (Klaus Bauldalaire!!) Insanefangirl (Randall off monsters inc.), NicNack4U (Arnold, Aladdin, Captain Jack Sparrow, Drake Parker, Josh Nichols, Crazy Steve, Spencer, Victor van-Dort, Cosmo, Troy Bolton, Chad Danforth, Ryan Evans, Logan Reese, Chase Matthews, Pharaoh Atem/Yami, Joey Wheeler, Seto Kaiba, Duke Devillin, Jafar, Severus Snape, Harry Potter, Danny Fenton/Phantom). jafarjasmineforever2005: Jafar, Aladdin, Frollo, and lot's more (There's been tons).Takara410 (Itachi,aladdin,snaraku,seshomaru,sasori ,dei -dei kun Jack sparrow, will turner ,crazy steve, freddy, micheal myer swhen he was younger,hao, zuko and tons more ooh CHASE YOUNG a sexy beast.), OutcastToReality(L from Death Note, and THE BEST FRICKIN' VILLAIN TO EVER WALK THE EARTH: THE JOKER from Dark Knight) Holly Quinn (The Joker -sigh-)Dalia N'Shard (Joker, Dark Walter, Hans Gunsche, Jack Sparrow, Severus Snape, Erik, Atem, 2005 Riddler, Ghoul, and presently, Joker), Mam'zelleCombeferre(Dr. Watson, Sherlock Holmes, Edward CullenIM SORRY, Sydney Carton, Combeferreobviously, Jehan Prouvaire, and Enjolras) Firebird's Song (Joker, Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Jace Wayland from City of bones, Jason voorhees(Duh) and Seth Clearwater from Twilight, oh and Dorian Grey and Tom Saywer, from LXG), The Shrubbery (Gaara, Kyo, Yuuki, Gale, L, too many more!), MPHknows (Han Solo, Gale, Fang, Iggy(i dont have a crush on him, i'm in love with him), Vladimir Tod, Max off of Wizards of Waverly Place), rocketdog791 (Fang, Gale, Jacob, Jace, Sam, Harry, Kishan, and many many more!!), It’s Fnicking Awesomeness (FANG!!!!!!) Jelly Queen (Gale, Jace Wayland, Harry Potter, Edward, Artemis Fowl, FANG FANG FANG FANG FANG FANG FANG FANG to the end:D)

If you have ever laughed at something that you wouldn't normally laugh at because it was really late at night, copy this into your profile

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

Copy and paste if you want Justin Bieber to jump off a cliff. And would laugh your ass off.


Five Reasons Why Bella's an Idiot:

1. She jumped off a cliff and didn't die.

2. She didn't kill Jacob for imprinting on Nessie.

3. What regular person uses the word irrevocably?

4. She can't win an argument with Edward .

5. She's a freaking spaz. (Yep)

Repost if you agree to at least three statements.

Copy and paste if you want Justin Bieber to jump off a cliff. And would laugh your ass off.


If you can't;

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em

If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.

If ya can't bribe 'em, Blackmail 'em.

If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.

If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.


Good friend Vs. Best friend

a good friend will comfort you when he rejects you

a best friend will go up to him and say "it's because you're gay isn't it?" (no offence intended to anyone!)

a good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you

a best friend will pass him in the hall and whisper "seven days"

a good friend helps you find your prince

a best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you

a good friend will help you move

a best friend will help you move the bodies

a good friend will bail you out of jail

a best friend will be in the cell right next to you saying "That was AWESOME!! lets do it again!"

a good friend will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing

a best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

a good friend will help you learn to drive

a best friend will help you roll the car into the lake so you can collect insurance

a good friend will help you up when you fall

a best friend will point and laugh because they're the ones who tripped you[me]

a good friend will go to a concert with me

a best friend will help me kidnap the band

a good friend asks you for your number

a best friend asks you for their number

a good friend will hide you from the cops

a best friend is probably the reason they're after you

a good friend lets you make an idiot out of yourself in public

a best friend is up there with you making an idiot out of herself/himself too

Friends Fade, Best Friends are forever.


Fake vs. Real

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what’s wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.


Friends: Tell you that you look nice.
Best Friends: Say your outfit looks like throw up, and then help you find a new one 10 minutes before school starts.

Friends: Say "see you later!"
Best Friends: Say "I LUUUUUHHHVVV you! DON'T LEAAVVEE!" and then tackle/hug you.

Friends: Bail you out of jail.
Best Friends: Are sitting in the jail cell with you and saying "LET'S DO IT AGAIN!"

Friends: Forgive you.
Best Friends: Hold a fake grudge against you until you let them borrow a hair band.

Friends: Politely refuse food.
Best Friends: Demand it and wipe your pantry clean.

Friends: Are only through school.
Best Friends: Are forever!

Friends: Laugh with you.
Best Friends: Laugh AT you...WITH you.

Friends: Tell jokes with you.
Best Friends: Have countless inside jokes with you.

Friends: Tell you that you're the most annoying thing on earth.
Best Friends: Say the same thing, except then they laugh and say "I guess that counts for me too!"

Friends: Would knock on your front door.
Best Friends: Would walk right in and say, “I’M HOME"

Friends: You have to tell them not to tell.
Best Friends: Already know not to tell.

Friends: Will be there to take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
Best Friends: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, “Girl drink the rest of that you know we don’t waste"

Friends: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend.
Best Friends: go over to his house and kick his ass.

Friends: bail you outta jail.
Best Friends: sit next to you singing the jail song.

Friends: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house.
Best Friends: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you.

Friends: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline.
Best Friends: Are jumping right after you.

Friends: come over every couple of months for a sleepover.
Best Friends: are your weekend boarders.

Friends: are offended when you make fun of them.
Best Friends: kick your ass and all's forgiven.

Friends: are shy around your boyfriend.
Best Friends: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine.

Friends: don't see you if you're sick.
Best Friends: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone.

Friends: dare you to scream into the street.
Best Friends: dare you to go streaking.

Friends: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!"
Best Friends: are screaming and running with you.

Friends: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night.
Best Friends: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and himself/herself in the process.

Friends: Meet your boy/girl friend and say nice to meet you.
Best Friends: Meet your boy/girl friend and scare the shit out of him/her by threatening to break every bone in him/her body if he/she hurts your best friend.

Friends: Ask why you're crying.
Best Friends: Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.

Friends: Annoy you.
Best Friends: Annoy you, but then make you laugh.

Friends: Forget you.
Best Friends: Love you forever.

Friends: Like you.
Best Friends: Love you.


333 ways to get kicked out of Wal-mart--super funny--

1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart

2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment

3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham

4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."

5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _

6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!"

8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"

9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"

10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"

11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men

13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them

14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice

15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts

16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens

18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department

19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap

20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor

21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

22. Open a pack of Yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"

23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation

24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live..."

25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool...

26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it

27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing, just say "I changed my mind."

28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing the Surfin' USA theme song

29. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?"

30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" Then run out of the store screaming

31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called Wal-mart? Or what's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can't you all remember your own names?

32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles

33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them

34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out 35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it! Or say "You got chicken legs!"

36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

37. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room

38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food"

39. TP as much of the store as possible

40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing screaming the voices!! then get back up & act normal

41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say "The rooster is in the nest" Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper "use this wisely."

42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke

43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off

44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day

45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department

46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom

47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"

48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free... & see what happens

49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts 50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners

51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!!

52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night 5

53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras

54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items... the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand

55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face 5

56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by

57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."

58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a McChicken 59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That's better"

60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"

61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name

62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters

63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans

64. Take all the CD's put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again

65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you

66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!!

67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing

68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!!!"

69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head

70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted"

71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell "ROLLBACK!!!"

72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say... sir or madam... don't think that.

73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there."

74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman.

75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song

76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store

77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead

78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you

79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles

80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous."

81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down

82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham

83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags

84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle 85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions

86. Swing on the half price banners

87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask what and walk off like you're annoyed

88. Burp and say mmmm, tasty 89. Hold Barbie for ransom

90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen's "We Will Rock You"

91. throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone's cart

92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying "Let's bust this joint!"

93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"

94. Do your own radio show over the intercom

95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your darth vader mask

96. Glue pennies on the floor 'heads' side up

97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming 'EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!

98. find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you

99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices

100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over

101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund

102. get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby

103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel..."

104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded

105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items

106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!!!!"

107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!"

108. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!"

109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit

110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!"

111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around

112. Grab some pampers Pull-Ups and while buying them yell at the clerk "Mommy, guess what? I'm a big kid now!!"

113. Go into the bedding department and with cookies in your hand lay on a bed then pretend you're having a nightmare about cookies and yell " COOKIE!! COOKIE!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!" Then start rolling around

114. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering, "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..."

115. Go to the cafeteria area and buy fries. Then stand by the door and when people walk through throw the fries above their head like there getting married

116. look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!"

117. Get a tent ( With holes preferably ) and tell people to come in your lair. When they do chuck popcorn at them and ask them who invited them in

118. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.

119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.

120. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.

121. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.

122. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Wal-Mart

124. Get popcorn and throw at customers, sneaking up on them in an un stealth-like way, while yelling random things

125. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.

126. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone fromNew York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.

127. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.

128. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.

129. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can.

130. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.

131. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink every time it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.

132. Light a match under a sprinkler

133. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun". Then walk away.

134. Buy something that is like $5 and give the cashier all pennies.

135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.

136. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"

137. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.

138. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.

139. start hitting on the mannequins.

140. Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up.

141. Switch the price tags with something expensive and something really cheap.

142. Put women's clothes into men's carts.

143. Put preppy stuff, like short skirts and whatnot, into old men's carts when they aren't looking.

144. Run around in front of a mirror screaming "COPYCAT!"

145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you nock something over, subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won.

146. Find a couple. Run up to the one who is an opposite gender from you, slap them, and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!!"

147. Go up to an assistant and ask for mayonnaise. When they say they don't have it, start crying and scream, "Now how am I supposed to paint my toenails?!?"

148. Lay on the floor and do a ground angel

149. Steal their ketchup, go on the counter, smear ketchup all over you and say HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE HOTDOG KILLED ME!

150. Start jumping on one of their beds attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!!!"

151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused.

152. Ask for Goat Milk

153. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened.

154. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!"

155. Dress up as a ninja and go around the store karate chopping people

156. Ride a horse on a stick toy thing and have your friend pull you around the store on a skateboard while you scream, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

157. Turn a cart over and put towels over it so they can't see in. when someone starts to open it, start yelling "Hey, I'm Using the Bathroom in here!!!"

158. Buy a chocolate bar, go to the bathroom, smear chocolate on your hand, reach under the next stall and ask, "Can I have some toilet paper?"

159. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a dollar, and go fishing for humans!

160. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer.

161. Get a mirror and put it on top of a cart so it lay across it. Get on top and have someone push you down an isle, and Sing "Surfin' USA"

162. When the intercom comes on, fall on your knees and scream in tears of joy, "God has spoken!!!"

163. Get on a bike and ride around and crash into everything and everyone who gets in your way.

164. Pour a bunch of lemonade from the entrance to the bathroom and come out saying someone should have told me where the bathroom was quicker! 1

65. Steal guns and ammo and shoot all the TV's you can find. whoever blows up most wins

166. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head.

167. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3.

168. Go into one of those employees only doors and go behind some food shelves. when people reach out to grab food, grab their arm and start to pull on it.

169. eat all the ice cream boxes and then blame it on a worker with ice cream all over your face

170. Pour carrots on the floor so the employees have to pick it up. Continue doing it for a long period of time.

171. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg.

172. Start playing the violin. 173. Stare at a blank T.V, for an hour and when somebody asks what your doing, answer, "Shh, this is my favorite show!" 174. Stand on the conveyor belt at the check out with a barcode on your forehead.

175. Start saying stuff like argetrargrehargenstartgen to everyone who walks in.

176. walk around in dirty cloths and eat all the produce like a bum

177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!!"

178. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily

179. Beat your chest and run around screaming like Tarzan.

180. Throw stuff on the floor and start yelling at an imaginary friend.

181. Shoot spit wads at people and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically

182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!"

183. Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!"

184. Dress up as an old man and start stealing stuff

185. Start a fire, then sit around it with your friends in Indian clothes.

186. Walk around in a court jester costume

187. Run at people with a pitch fork

188. Pretend that you're having a heart attack

189. Throw tomatoes at people and then tackle them 190. Get on the intercom and calmly say, "Attention shoppers. I would like to inform you that the world is about to end, and that there's a sale on isle two."

191. Buy a carton of vanilla ice cream, run up to the cash register, tell the cashier you forgot your money, then start dancing like Napoleon Dynamite, screaming, "Where's my chap stick?!"

192. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people

193. Claim isle three as your 'Secret Lair'

194. Run around the store singing the My Little Pony theme song as loud as you can.

195. Get a giant Christmas stocking and hop around in it like it's a potato sack on field day

196. Build a wall out of stuffed animals

197. Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera

198. Yell curse words at people

199. Knock down as many displays as you can

200. Go up to a random old guy with white hair and say, "I want Bratz for Christmas! Thank you Santa!" and then give him a hug and run away.

201. Dress up in a super villain costume and then go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people

202. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and say you wanna fight? And when he pushes back start to cry and run away

203. Point to a cash register and ask the cashier, "How much is that?"

204. Get a tent and campout with the Barbie dolls in the toy isle

205. Chew gum loudly in people's faces

206. Throw a poke-ball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!"

207. Turn on all the flashlights, hang them from the ceiling, stand under them, scatter confetti at your feet, and start singing, using a Barbie as a microphone.

208. Play baseball in the middle of the store, then score a home run and run around the store screaming.

209. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes.

210. Get a cart and pile it high with items. When the cashier tells you the price, exclaim, "What a rip off!" And walk out of the store.

211. Start singing, "Tinkle, tinkle, little star! In a toilet that's real far! Up above us in the sky! It's weird to learn that pee does fly! Make sure it does never land! In my, my, my, my, my hand!"

212. Find all the beans you can and put them in your cart, and then tell random people that it's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple years.

213. Pay for your stuff with all pennies, and then come up one too short.

214. Scream, "Look! Someone's stealing an old lady's purse!" and when they look away, take all the stuff in their cart and throw it around the store shouting "I'm a terrorist!"

215. Run out of the dressing room screaming, "Michael Jackson has my dad!"

216. Go to the pet isle. Point to a fish and say, "I'll have that one. And that one. And that one..." Keep going until you've pointed to every fish they have in stock

217. Tap dance through the store

218. Change the music on the intercom to Mexican

219. Rip open every package you see

220. Get on a bike and have your friend chase you. Pretend you are going to run over somebody and then move out the way.

221. Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically)

222. Scream "SECURITY!" as loud as you can. When they come up act all panicky and say "This is really important!" Then smile and say, "Hi."

223. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" as loud as you can in the music section, then smile and say "Well, it's the music section so I thought you might like some live music." Then sing it again.

224. Run around with underwear on your head, screaming, "I am Captain Underpants!"

225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are.

226. Go to the toy isle, set up the GI Joe figures and yell, " Then it's WAR!!!"

227. Pull down your pants next to a flower display and "water" the flowers.

228. Go to the bakery section and yell "I LOVE PIE!" to everyone you see.

229. Take all the pets out of their cages, including the fish.

230. Grab a strawberry shortcake doll and go to the bakery section. Tell the baker "I'd like to buy strawberry shortcake!" and hold the doll in their face.

231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you.

232. Announce that there's a huge sale at Target

233. Throw a party in a busy isle

234. Test drive lawn mowers

235. Have a tennis tournament in the middle of the store

236. Throw all the bouncy balls in the toy section everywhere and let them bounce around

237. Carry a bomb and make it explode

238. Eat a bunch of candy and refuse to pay for it

239. Go to the in store restaurant and order anything. When receiving it tell them that this was not what you wanted. Refuse to pay and go tell the manager

240. Hide in a pile of plushies and then jump out at people who walk by

241. Act like an old lady and scream, "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!"

242. Pretend to be a life size Barbie. When someone wants to buy you, run away screaming that someone was trying to kidnap you.

243. Take a marker to all the happy faces. Then change the prices. That will start an uproar

244. When a clerk stops you and asks your name read their name of their id card. When they say it's not your name scream, "IDENTITY THEFT!!!"

245. Throw jelly sweets at the cashiers

246. Steal a shopping cart(As in take it out of the store and put it in your car)

247. Ride on the back of the carts. (they hate it when you do that) Run into other carts yelling like a maniac.

248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them ever so often. When the snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!"

249. Pretend like you're a person who works there and walk around saying, "Can I help you find anything?"

250. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it

251. Pretend like you're blind and can't find what your looking for. Go up to random people and ask, "Will you help me find some cat food for Fluffy?"

252. Bowl with bottles full of open soda

253. Run around with a bowl of cheerios yelling, "It lowered my cholesterol!"

254. Order a pizza from the cashier

255. Ask to have your pizza shaken, not stirred

256. Start a food fight

257. Go up to a fat woman and say, "Taxi?"

258. Put underwear over your shorts, get a blue shirt, yellow paint, and red paint, paint an s on the shirt, go to the material section, cut a red cape, then get an umbrella, open it, and jump off the tops of shelves.

259. Take the spray paint and paint all the people around you

260. Go up to random people and hug them while putting a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of their shirt

261. Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious"

262. Flip off the manager

263. Go to the food section, take all of the boxed items out, and stack them up to make a fort. Glue can help. And creating a 'distraction' elsewhere for the employees to handle while you work does too...

264. Drop a pen and let someone else go and pick it up for you. When they do try to pick it up yell to them, "HEY THATS MY PEN THEIF!"

265. Bring a slip n' slide blast some Music and bring some random people to it and kick their back so they slide across the slip n' slide and scream "PARTY IN THE HIZ HOUSE!!!!!!!"

266. Throw a dance party

267. Write on the floors

268. Pull all the clothes off the racks into a pile on the floor and hide under it, and when someone tries to pick the clothes up, leap out cackling madly and run down the aisles, still cackling.

269. Go up to someone and say "look over there" Then pull down their pants. And, if you're lucky, their underwear.

270. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them. Or pretend to faint.

271. Get a bag of chips and walk around the store eating them. When an employee tries to stop you or make you pay, tell them that they're your chips! Keep screaming it.

272. Spray a customer with pepper spray and scream, "Help! Help! He's a rapist!"

273. Pretend to be a rabid dog and run around growling at people. Then if someone tries to stop you, bite them.

274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out.

275. Take toys and put them on the floor and take a cart. Start running over the toys screaming, "Monster Truck Mania!!!"

276. Climb up the shelves/storage units, then refuse to come down.

277. Take red juice Pour it on your face make streaks or stripes then layout on the floor with a flower in your hand when a crowd of people come stand up and walk like a zombie!

278. Grab a bowl, spoon, milk, and cereal. Eat it right there and tell them you'll pay when your done.

279. Stand on the conveyer belt when your checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase

280. Wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra

281. Follow a stranger around and mimic them. Continue doing this for a long period of time.

282. If you are in Target, say there is a code yellow

283. Get some candy corn form the candy aisle put two on your canine teeth and go around the store biting peoples necks

284. Flirt with the manager's husband

285. Walk calmly to the CDs, when u see one that has Hilary Duff, yell (if you're a fan) OHMIGOD! HILARY'S LATEST! OHMIGOSH, I, LIKE HAVE TO HAVE THIS! (if you're not a fan) Find a hammer, take the CD, gently put it on the floor, then mash it like a madman.

286. Run around spinning and say you're the Tasmanian devil

287. Run around in circles and yell, "I'M THE CIRCLE MAN!"

288. Announce a sock-sliding contest and take off your shoes and start sliding. It's actually really fun...

289. Go up to a employee ask for a application and where it says goals write down 'to take over Wal-Mart' and turn it in

290. Get a water gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register."

291. Take a soda, shake it up, and then spray it at people.

292. Hide in the clothes so when someone comes to look you yell, "PICK ME!"

293. Request that an employee find you an imaginary product, then keep saying: "I know it's here somewhere, just keep looking!" Eventually the employee will run out of patience, so then you say: "You've been punked!" And run out screaming and laughing. (Maybe you won't get kicked out, but you'll freak an employee out...)

294. Print out a bunch of advertisements for Target,Marshalls, etc... Then calmly go around taping/gluing/stapling them to products, people, and walls. It helps to have a WHOLE lot of them.

295. Move things around. (Put frozen food in with the barbies, etc...)

296. If a fat person has a twinkies in their cart take it out and start eating it and spit it out on them and yell, "That crud is sick!"

297. Point at an old man and yell, "LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!"

298. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a fake sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!"

299. Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint

300. Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, "I'm pregnant!"

301. Put on a long wig and claim to be Pocahontas

302. Break some glass, then accuse a flying monkey

303. Threaten a cashier with a candy bar

304. Bring in scissors and glue. If anyone asks, tell them you are fulfilling your dream of giving Wal-Mart a Make Over.

305. Buy a bag of candy. Start to walk away, then ask if you can exchange them. Repeat until they get angry.

306. Go to the dairy section and protest against milking cows. Say things like, "What if the cows aren't ok with us milking them? Cows have rights too!"

307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes.

308. Go up to the manager and ask where the nearest K-Mart is.

309. If you see a couple holding hands, run through their hands and scream, "RED ROVER!"

310. Grab a gnome, then hide in a clothes rack and when someone picks out a shirt or whatever jump out and yell "The gnome did it! The gnome did it!" Then throw the gnome and run.

311. Put up free sample signs all over the store and watch people leave with their "free samples."

312. Run around the store screaming, "OMG! HELP! PINTO BEANS ARE TAKING OVER COSTCO! AHHH!"

313. In Wal-Mart, they give out free stickers. Take them and decorate your body with them.

314. Get a bunch of your friends, about 10 or more, and go up to a lady who looks like she's in her 20's. When there are lots of people around, ask, "Mommy? Can we have some ice cream?"

315. Spit in the manager's face

316. Stare at a customer for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad

317. Go to customer service and say, "Your fat valet guy stole my car."

318. Put an "Out of Order" sign on the manager's butt

319. Go up to customers and whisper, "Seven Days..." and if they turn around, pelt them with Skittles

320. Melt chocolate, then scream, "Free face masks!"

321. Wear a pair of bright yellow pants on your head and run around screaming, "They Got Me!!"

322. Slap the manager and scream, "He's alive! He's ALIVE!!!"

323. Put a lot of matches and gasoline in your cart, then smile at people

324. Run around the store five times, and when you are done, scream, "I WIN!" and do a victory dance

325. Let a collie lose in the store, then scream, "Lassie, come home!"

326. Make your friend that's a guy try on girl clothes and then have him run around like a crazy person.

327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!"

328. Grab lots of G.I. Joe action figures and Water Bombs and yell, "ITS WAR!!!" whenever someone walks by and throw the bombs at them.

329. Put a Dora toy on the floor and when someone tries to pick it up, yell, "Swiper No Swiping!"

330. Buy a fake but expensive looking vase. (ex. a cheap glass pot.) Fill it with some ash and soot. Then take it to an employee, bump into him and drop it so it shatters. Then keep screaming at him that it was your mother and you will sue him for every thing he owns, and tell him he has to pick it up then and there or he will be cursed for 10 years.

331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed Elmo’s hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!"

332. Drive around in a kiddie car singing the batman theme song.

333. Run around with underwear on your head screaming, "I'm Blind!!!


9 Things I Hate About Everyone:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Idiots!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, asshole?


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of

next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the

store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't

have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you


GOTHIC

X-Black is one of your favorite colors.

Y- You have thought about death. (Yeah, but I’m not the one dying.)

X-You wear chains.

X-You like heavy metal.

X- You’ve shopped at Hot Topic.

Y-You have worn black lipstick.

Y-Your hair was/is dark.

Y-You dislike preps.

Y-You’re an atheist/ Satanist/agnostic.

Total: 5

X-You can skateboard

Y- you’ve worn plaid.

Y-You like Converse.

X-You hate MTV.

X-You have/had blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair. - (streaks count)

X- You dislike pink.

Y-You hate/dislike preps.

X-you wear/wore skateboarding shoes.

Total: 3

GEEK

Y- You love the computer.

Y- You like Harry Potter.

Y-You are supposed to wear glasses/contacts

Y- you get straight A's.

Y- You love/like reading.

X-You were/are in band.

X- You don't care what you look like.

Y- You have a curfew.

Y- You always do your homework.

X- You never miss school unless you're sick.

Total: 7

ATHLETIC

X- You watch/watched the Super bowl.

X- You own track shoes or other sports related shoes.

X- You collect your jerseys.

X- You have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies / awards.

X-You have posters or plaques of famous athletes.

X-Your garage consists of sports equipment.

X- You belong/belonged to a school team.

X-You are going/did go to a sports summer camp.

X-You have a specific number.

Total:0(heh...)

HARDCORE//SCENE

Y-You like loud music.

X-You love/loved the Ninja Turtles.

X-You never walk anywhere.

Y-You wear slip-on shoes.

X-You wear/wore Vans.

X-You like the band Panic! At the disco.

X-You wear band t-shirts.

X-People have called you a freak and meant it.

X-You love to "hardcore" dance.

X-Hair has been died more than 1 color

Total:1

Your guy side

Y- You love hoodies.

Y- You love jeans.

X-Dogs are better than cats.

Y- Its hilarious when people get hurt.

X-You've played with/against boys on a team.

Y- Shopping is torture.

Y-Sad movies suck.

Y-You own/Ed an X-Box.

X-Played with Hot wheel cars as a kid.

X-At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.

X- You own/Ed a DS, PS or Sega.

Y-You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.

X-You watch sports on TV.

X- Gory movies are cool.

X-You go to your dad for advice.

X-You own like a trillion baseball caps.

X-You like going to high school football games.

X-You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.

Y-Baggy pants are cool to wear.

Y- It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.

Y- Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.

X- You love to go crazy and not care what people think.

X- Sports are fun.

X- Talk with food in your mouth.

X- Sleep with your socks on at night. ( WOAH, wait a minute. Only guys wear socks when they sleep? )

Total:10

Your girl side:

X- You wear lip gloss/Chap stick.

X-You love to shop.

X -You wear eyeliner.

X-You wear the color pink

Y- Go to your mom for advice.

X- You consider cheerleading a sport.

X- You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.

X- You like wearing jeweler.

X-Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe. (O.o NEVER! I don't even wear dresses !)

X-Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.

Y- You don't like the movie Star Wars.

Y- You were in gymnastics/dance

Y-It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.

Y- You smile a lot more than you should.

X-You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.

Y- You care about what you look like.

X-You like wearing dresses when you can. (Again, NEVER! ^^ )

X- You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.

Y- You love the movies.

Y- You used to play with dolls as little kid.

X- Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it. (Not the girly type of makeover, the ARGHH I'm gonna mess your face up and make you look like a clown makeover :D!)

Y-Like being the star of everything.

Total: 9


The stupid test:

1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out.

2 Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails

3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it

4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking

5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking

6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head.

7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself

8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand

8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand

9. Tried to push open a door that said pull

10. Tried to pull open a door that said push

11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion

12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else

13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs

14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave

15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair

16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble.

17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it.

18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard

19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name

20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot

21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on

22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.

23. Have run into a closed door.

24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else.

25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it.

26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke..

27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer

28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan

29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk.

30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock.noono'clock/noonthirty o’clock.

31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it.

32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside.!

33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else.

34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property.

35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot.

36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on.

37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in.

38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard.

39. Walked into a pole.

40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident

41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house

42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on.

43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small

44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it

45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.

46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it

47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up

48. Have poked yourself in the eye

49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on

50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair

51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test

52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil

53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it

54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.

55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were

56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on

57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.

58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it

60. x Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie

61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa

62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it

63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence

64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person

65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side

66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions

67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong

68. xPut something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it

69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out-

70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught

71. When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face

72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb

73. Ran into a door jam

74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid

75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it

76. Have purposely licked playground sand

77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band.

78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't

79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people

80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out.

81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off

82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again

83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.

84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about

85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair

86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone

87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird

88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people

89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria

90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.

91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil

92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them.

93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper.

94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours

95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story

96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs.

97. You have spelled your own name wrong before

98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.

99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class.

100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth


A WEEKDAY:

Monday: Everyone HATES Monday because they either have to go to work or school.
Tuesday: Everyone HATES Tuesday because they’re still getting over Monday.
Wednesday: Everyone HATES Wednesday because it’s only the middle of the week.
Thursday: Everyone HATES Thursday because they wish the week would be just over.
Friday: Everyone HATES Friday because the weekend took so long to get here.
Saturday: Everyone LOVES Saturday because it’s a free day.
Sunday: Everyone HATES Sunday because Monday is tomorrow.


MAXIMUM RIDE FAN QUESTIONS:

1. Do you think Iggy is hot?

Meh

2. Did you cry when Ari died?

Definitely

3. Do you think Fang is hot?

:D Soooooo smexy

4. How do you pronounce Ari's name?

Are-ee

5. Do you laugh every time you read the name Mr. Chu?

No

6. -SPOILER ALERT- In MAX, did you laugh hysterically when Total started talking about marriage?

Of course

7. -SPOILER ALERT- Did you squeal at all the faxness in MAX?

Yep

8. Did you angrily throw your book across the room when the flock split up?

Well, DUH!

9. Who is your favorite character?

Fang :D :D :D :D

10. Do you like Jeb?

Nope

11. -SPOILER ALERT- Were you making a genuine "WTF" face when Max and Fang grew gills?

It was very odd. But it made Fang even more awesome :D

12. Did you think MAX was better than TFW?

Anything is better than TFW. But the whole second half of the series sucks

13. -SPOILER ALERT- Did you get slightly fed up with Nudge and Angel's slight attitudes in MAX?

Not Nudge,'cause you know, I can see why she'd be like that. But with Angel, definitely.

14. Which book is your all time favorite?

TAE- the original and best. But there’s not enough Fax :/

15. If the flock had a theme song, what would it be?

I’m not sure…

16. Have you ever imagined the flock as a band playing whatever song comes up when listening to your iPod?

Who hasn't?

17. Who do you think the Voice should be?

Jeb. Screw that creepy b*stard

18. Do you think one or more members of the flock should learn to play an instrument?

When? How? Where? Wouldn't make sense

19. What bugged you the most about TFW?

Brigid and the overall sh*tty quality

20. MIGGY or FAX?

FAX FAX FAX FAX


Really Random...

1.Who's the last person you talked to and what did you say?

A: My brother “Do it quick because you have to do it tonight!”

2.What's the last thing you ate/drank?

A: Um… a sandwich of french bread, cheddar, and pepperoni. OJ.

3. What was the last thing you thought?

A: When will all this profile stuff end?

4. What are you eating/drinking RIGHT NOW?

A: Nothing

5. Have a conversation with the nearest living thing by you.

A: There’s no one in the room.

6. Find a book. Turn to page 56, line 18, and word 6.

A: “… a..." -The Final Warning

7. If you could be anybody from Maximum Ride, who would you be?

A: Max because Fang is supermegafoxyawesomehot.

8. Type your name with your elbow.

A: adcikti...well, it's two letters away...

9. Stand up. Close your eyes. Start spinning around for three seconds. Open your eyes. What's the first thing you see?

A: The bed

10. Where are you?

A: My bedroom

11. Look up, now look back. What did you see?

A: My mom’s college degree on the wall

12. What's your personality like?

A: 100% me! Surprise!!!

13. Say 'George Bush'. What was the first thing that came to your mind?

A: Mccain sucks

14. You have a million dollars. What do you do first?

A: Probably go buy wings for myself

15. Find the third letter of all your answers. Underline them. What do they spell? What does it remind you of?

A: Baeaehebmscob- someone’s whacked out name.


~Awesome girl comebacks~

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and I together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
Man: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Woman: Did it hurt when you were dropped on your head repeatedly as a baby?
Man: Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
Woman: Really? I have the incredible urge to plant my foot up your @$$.


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


79 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."
38. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
39. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
40. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
41.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
42. Shave.
43. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
44. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
45. One word: Flatulence!
46. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
47. Do Tai Chi exercises.
48. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, darn motion sickness!"
49. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
50. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
51. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
52. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
53. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
54. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
55. Leave a box between the doors.
56. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
57. Start a sing-along.
58. Play the harmonica.
59. Lean against the button panel.
60. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
61. Bring a chair along.
62. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
63. Blow spit bubbles.
64. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
65. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
66. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.
67. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
68. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
69. Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.
70. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aargh! Get them off!"
71. Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.
72. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
73. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe.
74. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.
75. Make chalk drawings on the walls.
76. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, darn it!"
77. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.
78. Try to get a game of "Twister" going.
79. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.


You Might Be An Author If...

1. Every time you hear a song, you think of a new story or one you've already written.
2. You have the last chapters of a story done before even thinking of the characters names.
3. You often imagine your books becoming movies.
4. Spell check is your best friend.
5. You give even the smallest of characters a huge background.
6. You hesitate before killing of one of your favorite characters.
7. You smile really big when your gonna finally write a character love scene.
8. Every time you read something, you make your own story of the same thing.
9. You'll spend an hour trying to find one word cause you won't dare use a synonym.
10. Not being able to write is like not being able to pee to you... you just can't hold it in for so long.
11. You write so fast, you leave out words in a sentence.
12. You have to tell at least one person your whole story before it's even written.
13. Things that are written bad annoy you and make you want to re-write it better.
14. You laugh at jokes you wrote yourself.
15. You can spell words like 'troublesome' but can't spell 'the' half the time.
16. If you're not writing or typing, your fingers are moving constantly.
17. You talk to yourself... constantly.
18. You forget what day it is when you're writing.
19. When you have to write some sort of story in class, you get carried away.

20. You would rather die than use words like 'good' or 'nice' and etc.

21. You put off the last chapter of a story simply because you don't want it to end.

22. You start to cry when writing about a death or other depressing event you knew was coming, and you are the one writing it.

23. When on a roll, you will ignore hunger, sleepiness, or the urge to pee until you run out of ideas.

24. If a story, movie, show, etc. finishes without closure, you have a powerful need to write a suitable ending.
25. You like to fidget, tap, or chew on the tip of something when you are trying to come up with a new sentence, paragraph, chapter, or story.

26. You are in love with the Thesaurus.

27. You dream about your stories.

28. You dream of new stories.
29. You often revisit some of your old stories.
30. Someone can call your name twenty times without you hearing if you're writing


You Know You're a Book Addict If:

You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on.
Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading.
You write fan fictions about the book.
You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else) to read it.
You accidentally call everyone by the character's names.
Everything reminds you of the book.
You quote random lines all the time.(Example: "We heard you were having Bella for lunch and we came to see if you would share.")
You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't.
You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class
You have pictures of your favorite characters on your iPod.
You've got a book memorized.
You've read a book more than five times.
You've read a book with 400+ pages in less than two days. (I’ve done that multiple times. I finished each of MR book in a day, and the wish I might book in 1 day.)
You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like.
You've plotted to murder a character and steal her boyfriend.
You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional.
You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional.
You check your back every morning in the mirror to see if you've grown wings and can join the Flock.
You've found yourself trying to impersonate a character.
Your idol is a character from a book.


WHAT TO DO IN AN EXAM YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAYS:

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Darn this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how y the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin humming the theme to Star Wars.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.

32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."

35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.

37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.

38. Bring a giant roach into the room and release it on a nearby.

39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

42. Dress like the professor.

44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.

45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.


For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser.

Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.
Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself.
Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.
Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Maximum Ride(or almost, at least).
Crazy is when you write Fang or Iggy is hot on your homework instead of doing it.
Crazy is when you see a movie (Bruce Almighty) and then try to walk on water. Crazy is when u yell at your bro through the phone, while texting him. :)
Crazy is when you let your friend talking you in to skipping around with paper plate fairy wings on (thanks guys).
Crazy is when you call everyone in the phone book that has the last name Ride.
Crazy is when you are always depressed because you aren’t a Human Avian Hybrid.
Crazy is when you freak out every time you meet someone with a name from the Max Ride series.
Crazy is when you agree to prank call someone and talk about your date under a swing.
Crazy is when you shoot your bras at the ceiling fan to try and hit your sister, then burst out laughing when it hits your dad instead.

Crazy is when you burst out laughing and then you get a text and you start running to get your phone STILL laughing.


How To Annoy People On The Beach

Ask everyone you meet, "Hot enough for you?"
Sing the "Barney" theme song as loud as you can.
If you see kids building a sand castle, say, "That's not a real castle!"
Every time when you're about to duck under the water, yell, "Down periscope!"
Go swimming in a full business suit. If people notice, act like they're the weirdoes.
Put sea shell to your ear and announce to first person to pass by, "It's for you!" Repeat several times.
Throw jellyfish around.
Tune radio to all-news station and blast as loud as you can, then nod your head and snap your fingers like you're listening to some happenin' tunes.
Act like a sea gull.
Wear t-shirt that says, "I'm the coolest dude on this pathetic beach. No autographs please.


How To Annoy People At An Amusement Park

Dress up like one of the photographers and follow people around asking them repeatedly if they would like their picture taken.
Leave large gaps in between you and the people in front of you while waiting in line.
Every time you pass a chain restraint not in use, clip it on and use it to hold back the people behind you in line.
Ask the person running the roller coaster if someone has recently thrown up on it.
Pretend to freak out on a ride so they stop it to let you off.
Offer people money for their spots in line...MONOPOLY money.
Speak in Spanish, or pretend you're deaf and start making rapid hand movements.
Start talking about shaving your excess body hair in line while everyone around you is silent.
Find someone and tell them you're lost. Use your best acting skills.
Steal all of the pennies out of the water fountains.
Go up to the boy band wanna-be group and pretend to be really excited and ask for their autographs, reassuring them that they're gonna make it big soon.
Take an Alka-Seltzer tablet and begin to have spasmodic movements in your body while foaming at the mouth at the very top of the tallest ride.
Ask the ride attendant if you cannot ride because you are under the influence of heroine, marijuana, crack, and every other drug you can think of.
Begin to cry when they start the merry-go-round and have them stop it because you're too scared to go all the way.
Start talking loudly about the last time you got stuck upside-down on this ride, scaring everyone in line around you.
Ask someone that looks like they're in a hurry for directions.
Complain about how dirty the seat is, and demand they clean it off.
Walk up to anyone in the park, and say "Hi, my name is your name" and offer a handshake.
Ask ANYONE for their autograph.
Advertise for a theme park...one you're not at.
Find someone to tell your life story to.
Whisper right in someone's ear, "I know what you did last summer."
Comment how good you look in every picture of you on a ride.
Make fun of everyone else in every set of pictures taken during the rides.
Go up to every character walking around and give them a big hug and call them your "hero."
Ride every water ride and inform everybody with you that you can’t swim and everyone's gonna drown.


Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:

Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"

Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed.

During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"

Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"

Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.

Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

Yell out what is going to happen.

Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.

Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.

Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.

Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)

Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

Try to start a wave.

Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.

Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"

Sing with the theme music.

Bring and use your own air freshener.

At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."

Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"

Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.

Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"

Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"

Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.

Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"

Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

When someone walks by you in the aisle scream, "Ahhhhhh! Bad Touch!"

Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themselves.

Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

During a love scene, stand up and run to the screen shouting "Hooters!"

Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room.
Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"

Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer’s name is going to be said.

Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.

Bring a pager or cell phone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.

Pass by a room that’s showing a movie you’ve already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.


Sorry if this upsets any of you blonds out there, I just think these jokes are funny:

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "Earthquake!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "Tornado!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "Fire!"


Things Maximum Ride has Taught Us:

1. Being different is okay.
2. Even the little things can help save the world.
3. Red-heads are evil!
4. Love always makes itself known. Even if it takes you five books and fourteen years of your life to see it, it's there.
5. 6-year-olds do have the ability to take over the world.
6. Duct tape is a handy tool if you have a mimicking 8-year-old.
7. The loss of a vet would be a tragedy.
8. Dressing in dark clothes and never talking does not make you emo; it makes you Fang-like.
9. French is the universal language.
10. Fang-sized is an acceptable form of measurement.
11. Count your blessings.
12. Teen magazines don't help you in life or death situations.
13. Nachos and Mountain Dew are proper mind controlling devices.
14. Fang has the power to sum up your life story in nine words.
15. Even a kick-ass, leader of a merry band of mutants like Max can make mistakes.
16. Never get hooked on Valium.
17. The best breed of dogs are talking Scotties!
18. If one cannot be corrupted by power or money, there's always Snicker's bars.
19. It is okay to sell your soul for a chocolate-chip cookie.
20. Kids are better than adults.
21. You'll know the Apocalypse is coming when Max is wearing a dress.
22. The best cooks are blind pyros.
23. Submarines are tiny tin cans of doom.
24. Desert rat should always be cooked to well-done.
25. School really is an evil place.
26. Teachers really are out to get you.
27. Remember to flap.
28. Only one bird kid could pull off preppy Top-Siders.
29. GIRLS KICK BOYS' BUTTS!
30. The order of power: God, Jesus, Chuck Norris, Max, Fang, Angel, Iggy, Gazzy, Nudge, Total, humans, animals. Brigid, Sam, Dylan and Lissa don’t make the list.


If you find yourself singing the complete wrong words to a song, paste this into your profile.

If someone says they're dyslexic and you immediately think they are a demigod paste this into your profile.

Copy and Paste this if you wanted to kill Max every time she ran away after kissing Fang.

If you have ever pushed a door that clearly said PULL, copy this into your profile.

This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination.

SUPPORT THE BUNNY!

If you are a dog lover, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love the "So is your face" comment, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you run into inanimate objects...and then blame them for it copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love the whole blind, pyro, mutant, pervert, tall, handsome, humorful, baker thing about Iggy, post this in your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you agree that Fang is Fangalicious, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, post this in your profile.

If you've ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If, for any particular reason, you have laughed during a movie that wasn't funny, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think Edward Cullen is pretty Gary Stu/Marty Stu-ish, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you believe in fairy tales, post this on your profile and a knight in shining armor will visit you tonight. (In your mind... of course)


You Know You're Obsessed With Maximum Ride When...

1. You're friends think you're crazy for being obsessed with six flying kids and their talking dog.
2. You see someone in a white lab coat then run off screaming.
3. You've called one of your siblings/friends/family members Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, or Angel.
4. You refuse to talk to anyone who's named Ari.
5. You claim you have wings.
6. You drool when you hear the word 'Fang'.
7. You daydream about meeting the flock.
8. You've reread Maximum Ride about 3 times or more.
9. You look for the flock's theme songs and get excited when you find one that fits perfect.
10. You study about birds.
11. You hate science class/refuse to dissect any type of animal.
12. You have a crush on Iggy or Fang or both.
13. You read Fang's blog daily. Even though you know it's JP talking.
14. You're waiting for your 'Nick Ride'.
15. You are counting down the days for the next book. (Which is coming out February 14, 2011)
16. You will go to the first opening for the movie, even if it's at midnight.
17. You look in the mirror cautiously to make sure your reflection is not an Eraser.
18. You hate dog crates.
19. You think scientists are evil.
20. You argue with people if Max is a girl's name or a guy's.
21. When your spending the night at a friend's, you say you'll take first watch.
22. You've found a new respect for blind people.
23. You think MR is the best series ever and you want to meet James Patterson, author.
24. You say 'U and A' a lot.
25. You think you have a Voice like Max.
26. You've gotten your Online Friends hooked on it.
27. You use sarcastic remarks from MR.
28. You know what 'Fax' is.
29. You were one of the characters from MR for Halloween.
30. You claim to have brain attacks.
31. You protect your thoughts. Angel might be reading them.
32. You give a crazy look to people who don't know what MR is.
33. You daydream of flying.
34. You love chocolate chip cookies.
35. You seriously felt like you were in the book.
36. If you want to become a writer because of MR
37. If they make a poster, shirt, key-chain, button, anything MR you will buy it.
38. If you love Fan-fiction.
39. In school, it's hard to concentrate because you're thinking of Maximum Ride.
40. You want a talking dog.


RANDOM TESTTTT!! (from YourBooksAreMyDrug, found it the survey-thingy RadiantFlame's profile)

What's on your TV right now? um...am I supposed to go check?

Who's the last person you talked to and what did you say? My brother. He was telling me to give him the laptop. My reply: *snarl.

What was the last thing you ate? one of those Muller-yoghurt thingamabobs. What? I was hungry!

What's your personality like? 100% me.

What was the last thing you thought? This survey is stupid.

You now have a million dollars. What do you do? Pay random whitecoats to make a Maximum Ride simulation and turn into Max for an hour. What fun.

Reach out and grab the closest thing to you. What is it? A book...that was kind of weird. It just happened to be sitting there.

What are you eating/drinking right now? uh...nothing? I'm sitting on my bed, writing this up and reading Fanfiction. End of story.

What are you writing RIGHT NOW? ...No comment ...No comment ...No comment ...No comment ...No comment etc. ...No comment etc. ... (You get the point)

Grab the nearest book to you, turn to page 19 and find the second paragraph. What is it? "Hi," I said. Strange. That didn't make sense. It's page 19 of ANGEL, by the way, if anyone wants to check. Maybe the paperback version is different.

What's it like being you? me.Surprise!

What are your thoughts on writing? Oh, I just HATE it. That's why I take the time to write as MUCH as I can EVERY day. *sarcasm

How tall are you? 4 ' 11

What was the last thing you cooked? I. Don't. Cook. End of story.

What color are the walls of the room you are in? Lilac. It's my favourite colour.

Ketchup or Mustard? Mustard? What's that? *choked on foul combination of mustard that I very rashly tried to eat*

What is the weather like?Cold, rainy. Aargh, I miss the desert...

Are you going an vacation this summer and where? No clue. I don't plan six months in advance, you know.

Anything else? I want some bacon right now. Ha, that Yo-Bacon just cracks me up...

What's your favourite article of clothing? Jeans. Hoodies. Something like that.

Who is the most special person to you? me! :D

What's your favourite childhood memory? Too many to count.

What is your favourite month in the summer? Summer? Probably June.

What's your favorite number? 17

What made you smile today? Diary of a Lovesick Mutant(by Pheonix Fanatic) which I just started reading today. Go check it out people! It's awesome!

Last rainbow you saw? a loooooooooooong time ago. It's to rainy here to see anything basically(Hint:do not move to the muddiest part of England in the middle of the winter, kids. Just an idea.)

Do you want a hair cut? No. I like my long hair, I've been growing it forever. I can't remember ever having it above my knees(I love showing off online...Hey, am I the only one who noticed that I have been using a TON of ellipses right now? That's actually starting to freak me out a little bit.)

Are you musically inclined? Oooooooh, my muuuuuuuuuuuusic...

Have you ever been in a fight? Yes, with jelly. And Fang(I borrowed him from Saint). And Max, who I have captured(mwhahahahahaaha!). And with Angel, who may or may not be writing this in disguise. I think I'll let you guess the rest.


12 Characters:

1. Katniss Everdeen

2. Harry Potter

3. Fang

4. Ella

5. Prim

6. Nudge

7. Iggy

8. Max

9. Gazzy

10. Angel

11. Dylan

12. Gale Hawthorne

1. Have you ever read a six/eleven fic? Do you want to?

Nudge/Dylan? Excuse me while I go bleach me eyes out with soap.

2. Do you think four is hot? How hot?

Ellla? No way, I'd be lesbian. I like her though, she kinda reminds me of Nudge.

3. What would happen if twelve got eight pregnant?

uhh... *awkward silence*

4. Can you recall any fics about nine?

Not as a main character, but pretty much anybody writing about the Flock includes Gazzy at some point, so yeah.

5. Would two and six make a good couple?

Would Harry Potter and Nudge make a good couple? Now that's just weird.

6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten. Why?

9. They're not the type that really pair together well, but at least it's better than Angel.

7. What would happen if seven walked in on two and twelve having sex?

What would happen if Iggy walked in on Harry Potter and Gale Hawthorne having sex? Well, he wouldn't be able to see them for one thing, and for another why would they making out with each other anyway?

8. Is there anything such as one/eight fluff?

I doubt it, there arn'tthat many Crossovers anyway about them.

9. Suggest a title for a seven/twelve hurt/comfort fic.

Okay, if it was anyone BUT these two, I would know, but hey...

10. Does anyone on your friends list read three hot?

Well DUH! Like, everyone. Me too, for that matter.

11. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw eleven?

Not really. Most people prefer Fax. Hardly any of my friends genuinely like Mylan.

12. By the way, I set you up on a date with two.

faints *wakes up "DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT!?"


I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it


What have you pulled?

If you have pulled a Max: You have made a snap decision and decided to do it without thinking it through first.

If you have pulled a Fang: You have sneaked up behind someone without them realising you were there.

If you have pulled a Iggy: You have run into an inaminate object without realizing it was there. This could include, poles, wall, doors, tables, etc.

If you have pulled a Nudge: You have talked about something nonstop for the past five minutes, not allowing anyone else to speak. This is also known as rambling.

If you have pulled a Gazzy: You have farted in a big group of people really loudly, and everyone could hear it and smell it.

If you have pulled a Angel: You have invaded someone elses personal space, without any consideration for that person. You can also pull a Angel by gaining a whole lot of useless powers that you don't really need...but I highly recomend the first one.

If you have ever pulled any of these things stick this on your profile and write which ones you have pulled

I have pulled a Max, a Fang, an Iggy, a Nudge, and an Angel...though I suppose there is still plenty of time for the last one...

Now if you have laughed at least once, it's your turn to spread the copy and paste insanity! Mwhahahaha(cue insane laughter)!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The name of the game is Fax by TwilightloveandFaximumRide reviews
Fax. Fax, Fax, Fax, Fax, with a bit of Eggy/Illa. That's all there is to say. Fax. Rated T for, well, Fax.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 29,081 - Reviews: 885 - Favs: 299 - Follows: 303 - Updated: 11/18/2016 - Published: 6/1/2009 - Fang, Max
Another Form of the Avian Bird Flu by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
So, Fang gets sick. The flu, to be exact. And, of course, he has to pull a whole 'Whining Macho Prince' thing about it. Max and Dr. Martinez deal with Fang's attitude, Iggy tries to boycott Campbell's Soup, the Flock play with a blender, and...FAX! Eggy!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 68 - Words: 103,238 - Reviews: 4226 - Favs: 1,123 - Follows: 830 - Updated: 3/13/2013 - Published: 10/3/2008 - Fang, Max
No Longer Hatchlings by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Takes place after FANG. Two Flocks, two destinies, one annoying Voice, and a whole lot of growing up to do. Throw in a kidnapping and you've got a teenaged bird-kid's worst nightmare.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 11 - Words: 21,155 - Reviews: 156 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 1/10/2013 - Published: 5/1/2010 - Fang
Fanfiction Meets Youtube by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
What happens when you combine 1 St. Fang of Boredom, fanfiction, and youtube? Complete and total loss of Flock sanity! All oneshots based on videos made by Youtuber, makemebad35.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 17,788 - Reviews: 289 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 11/1/2012 - Published: 2/28/2009 - Fang - Complete
Fang's Journal by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Saint here decided, after a little fight we had, that I deserve my own 'Fanfiction'. She even took the liberty of stealing my journal to make it...Yeah. So, this is excerpts of my journal, rather I like it or not...
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 32 - Words: 40,552 - Reviews: 718 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 82 - Updated: 11/1/2012 - Published: 9/27/2009 - Fang - Complete
St Fang's Poetry Corner by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
So, I got bored in Spanish class. Out of boredom, I decided to write some Fang-related poetry and other little writings. I learned one thing fo attempting this: I am no poet. At least it's kinda funny. Narrated by me and Fang! Fang: Not again...
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Parody - Chapters: 45 - Words: 101,661 - Reviews: 1323 - Favs: 232 - Follows: 113 - Updated: 10/28/2012 - Published: 1/7/2009 - Fang - Complete
Hunger to the Max by Nutcase62 reviews
This year is a quater quell, this years Hunger Games contestants will all be "genetically modified beings". Jeb decides that this is the perfect opportunity to prove that his creation is the best. The flock is then kidnapped and Max is forced to compete.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 12,070 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 7/11/2012 - Published: 4/25/2011 - Max
Insomniac by It's Fnicking Awesomeness reviews
Angel gets insomnia one night, but this time she can't go back to sleep at all. So what does she do? Go traipsing through others' dreams, of course.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,092 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/4/2012 - Published: 7/14/2011 - Angel - Complete
Get Back Here! by It's Fnicking Awesomeness reviews
This is what I think should've happened after Fang left. I think Max gave up too easily... T for cussing. Was a one shot, but now a two-shot.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,669 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 7/4/2012 - Published: 7/11/2011 - Max, Fang - Complete
Let the 357th Hunger Games begin! by pawsrox reviews
What happens when you put Katniss, Peeta, Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, Angel, Percy, Annabeth, Harry, Ron Hermione, Tally, David, and Shay in an arena to fight to the death? Nothing good obviously...Rated T for exessive randomness and mild language
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 8 - Words: 8,257 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 12/11/2011 - Published: 7/25/2011 - Max, Katniss E.
Application To Date My Daughter by Evil Robina reviews
'Never ever mess with me again.' I said to Iggy. 'I'm sorry Fang.' Iggy replied. 'But this means WAR'
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 10,257 - Reviews: 139 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 11/13/2011 - Published: 7/24/2009
For the love of Fnick! by Aleria14 reviews
The Flock know that Fang has gone, but each of them have special memories with him that cannot be forgotten. See each Flock member thinks back to a time that they had spent with Fang, and see why they miss and need him so much. Some humor.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,769 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 9/18/2011 - Published: 8/22/2010 - Fang - Complete
Ze End of Fanfiction by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Inspired by 'The End of Ze World' video by AlbinoBlackSheep. How our beloved Fanfiction site will come to an end...
Crossover - Misc. Books & Misc. Movies - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 648 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/10/2011 - Complete
Two Worlds, Two Roads by movedto-theycallmeruthless reviews
Where the hell am I? What is this world? I shouldn't be here.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 453 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/9/2011 - Max, Katniss E. - Complete
Hunger Games: Birdseed by Fangalicous08 reviews
What happens when the flock gets put in the country of Panem and all their memories are wiped out and replaced with new ones? Would they survive the Hunger Games? Read and find out.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,208 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 5/11/2011 - Published: 11/29/2009
Delicious Mexicans by Phoenix Fanatic reviews
Fang overhears Max sleeptalking, and because he's a creeper like that, he sneaks in to listen. Oneshot, Fax.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,160 - Reviews: 182 - Favs: 242 - Follows: 50 - Published: 4/1/2011 - Fang, Max - Complete
Hearts Fly by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Songfic. Parody of the song 'Lumos Flies' by ALL CAPS, which is a parody of the song 'Fireflies' by Owl City. After Fang leaves, he and Max have a lot of thinking to do; about each other and where they will go from here. Takes place after FANG.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,288 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/21/2011 - Fang, Max - Complete
TAE Bloopers by Aleria14 reviews
Have you ever wondered what screw ups the MR characters made while making the first book? Well, here's your chance to find out. The Flock could never get it all right on the first try, and they enjoy being difficult for the directors. Some Fax. R&R
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 14,809 - Reviews: 178 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 2/12/2011 - Published: 3/31/2010
The Nutcracker Prince by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
After seeing the famous Christmas ballet, Angel receives a doll much like the Nutcracker Prince from the play. And, like The Nutcracker, this doll is much more than meets the eye...
Maximum Ride - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,654 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 9 - Published: 12/29/2010 - Angel, Fang
Amazing Cliches by rainbowstrike reviews
This parodies the many over-used fanfiction topics that I've seen around here. Stupid, random, & OOC in a good way :D. Hopefully I can give you a good laugh. Rated T because I dunno what will pop out of my mind at times. Chapter 35; A/N Chapter of doom
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 35 - Words: 31,205 - Reviews: 857 - Favs: 135 - Follows: 94 - Updated: 12/19/2010 - Published: 7/10/2009
Some Things Get Deleted For A Reason by tgypwya reviews
Fang has left, and Max has taken it upon herself to sort through his belongings. But something she finds on his laptop will change how she views Fang forever... and cause fangirls everywhere to freak the hell out. Oneshot unless you guys really love it.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,379 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 11/15/2010 - Published: 6/3/2010 - Dylan, Iggy - Complete
Fang Sweeps Mines by tgypwya reviews
Life's getting boring... Until Fang discovers the addicting game of minesweeper! And proceeds to go crazy... A dumb little oneshot born out of boredom. Enjoy!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,574 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 11/15/2010 - Published: 2/26/2010 - Fang - Complete
Flash by Phoenix Fanatic reviews
Nothing is quite as awkward as killing your sorta-girlfriend. Fax.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 14,333 - Reviews: 583 - Favs: 197 - Follows: 222 - Updated: 11/12/2010 - Published: 9/1/2010 - Fang, Max
Allegro by Phoenix Fanatic reviews
What are the chances of sitting beside that ridiculously good-looking guy on that ridiculously long flight? Between him and all of those strange occurrences in town, Bella doesn't know if she'll be able to leave at the end of her exchange. AU.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,570 - Reviews: 101 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 9/1/2010 - Published: 8/22/2010 - Bella, Edward
That Night by Phoenix Fanatic reviews
One crazy night really can change everything. From nearly getting blown up -not cool- to making out -very cool- the Flock tries to make it to dawn with their hearts and heads intact. Fax.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 543 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 105 - Published: 8/22/2010 - Max, Fang
Scared Silent by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Once upon a time, Subject 404 was the life of the lab, but one angry scientist changed all that in one instance of rage. A tragic look at how one Flock member may have came to be who he is today. Rated T for violence and Authoress Paranoia.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,090 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 17 - Published: 8/15/2010 - Fang, Jeb B. - Complete
A Flock of Mockingjays by RadiantFlame reviews
Maximum Ride characters and The Hunger Games characters meet! In a very interesting way... R&R! WARNING: This has no point to it. Just for fun.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Hunger Games - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,470 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 11 - Published: 7/31/2010 - Max, Katniss E.
Just One Small Complication by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
After giving it some thought one night while half asleep, I thought of a reason why Fang must return to the Flock. Random, short oneshot. Rated T for mild stuff. Mild Fax and Dylan pisssed-offness.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,178 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 10 - Published: 6/25/2010 - Fang, Max
Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic reviews
Ever wonder what it's like to be inside Fang's head? Follow Fang's diary as he attempts to tell Max he loves her in just one year, while also trying to save his neck. It's hard to be a guy...Fax. Complete.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 62 - Words: 239,551 - Reviews: 8287 - Favs: 1,874 - Follows: 733 - Updated: 6/12/2010 - Published: 6/2/2009 - Fang, Max - Complete
The Blind Babysitter by rainbowstrike reviews
Post FANG. "He was the one who taught me how to live like this." It's been almost nine years since Iggy lost his sight. Fang's decision has hurt him as much as Max, and he's tired of being useless. But he's needed, even if he doesn't realise it. R & R
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,705 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 6 - Published: 5/7/2010 - Iggy, Dylan - Complete
Faintly Resembling a Wedding by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Can you get married over Skype? I think you can. If so, then I'm married to Fang, and this is the proof. This also prooves that I have no life, but that's beside the point...
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,879 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 8 - Published: 3/10/2010 - Fang - Complete
The Dylan Bieber Conspiracy by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Dylan is really Justin Bieber? He's working for the Italians? Little Men will infest Fang's mind? Maple Syrup Farms? IT'S ALL A CONSPIRACY! Another random parody brought to you by St. Fang of Boredom.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 905 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 13 - Published: 3/10/2010 - Fang, Dylan - Complete
Eshaped house Pranks by Aleria14 reviews
You've heard of the days of the E-shaped house, the days where Jeb was a nice guy and Max didn't have to be as kickass as she is today. See the story told through the eyes of each Flock member, starting with our favourite blind pyro.Pranks included! :D
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,492 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 1/15/2010 - Published: 12/21/2009
What Max Got For Christmas by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
A parody of 'The 12 Days of Christmas' Maximum Ride style.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 615 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 7 - Published: 1/9/2010 - Max - Complete
Facts of Life by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
After Angel asks Max the 'dreaded question', Max decides it's time to teach the Flock a bit about 'The Facts of Life', much to poor Fang's displeasure. I'm rating this at a moderate T. Read rating notes inside, please! Teeny weeny bit o' Fax.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 12 - Words: 20,151 - Reviews: 755 - Favs: 322 - Follows: 213 - Updated: 12/13/2009 - Published: 4/22/2009 - Fang, Max
Childhood Memories by Zikkie reviews
How did the flock get along as kids?
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 2,925 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 12/13/2009 - Published: 8/24/2009
Fangalicious! by rainbowstrike reviews
A little idea I had involving Fang, and the song 'fergalicious'. Now a multi-chap story! Parodying certain songs around the flock. -grins- Iggy's bringin' sexy back, apparently... Rated T 'cos of some lyrics.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,740 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 11/2/2009 - Published: 7/2/2009 - Fang, Iggy
The 'Most Likely' Awards by rainbowstrike reviews
The Flock decides it'd be fun to resurrect a game from the days of the E-Shaped House. Fang & Iggy discover a boredom list, Gaz eats broccoli like a dinosaur, Nudge and Ella are running the show and Max wants the house kept intact. FAX. EGGY. R & R.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,165 - Reviews: 113 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 10/21/2009 - Published: 9/25/2009
The Amazing Adventures of Rain the Almightly by rainbowstrike reviews
Haha, a little drabble/ poetry/ recount of funny crap that happens to me during my ever-eventful life that is not so eventful. Idea shamelessly stolen from Saint and from others who have also stolen her idea. R & R? The Great Skype Wedding! Read! -grins-
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,365 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10/18/2009 - Published: 10/16/2009
Closer by Zikkie reviews
Angel has a plan for bringing Max and Fang closer.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 554 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 7 - Published: 10/16/2009 - Fang, Max - Complete
Bambi Eyes by Zikkie reviews
Max's weakness.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 321 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 5 - Published: 10/3/2009 - Max, Fang - Complete
Truth Serum by Zikkie reviews
The result of Iggy's 'genius'.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 887 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 5 - Published: 9/23/2009 - Max, Iggy - Complete
Total takes over by rainbowstrike reviews
When Fang leaves his laptop out, Total decides that it's his time to shine. He hacks Fang's blog and begins to write about things the flock would probably not want the world to know... This is a present to my 'The Lists' readers! R & R
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 9,273 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 9/18/2009 - Published: 7/15/2009 - Total, Fang
Let's Play A Game by Zikkie reviews
Gazzy's sick, but that doesn't stop him and Iggy from humiliating Max...
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,230 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 114 - Follows: 15 - Published: 8/23/2009 - Max, Fang - Complete
How To Throw A Surprise Birthday Party, by: Fang by Zikkie reviews
A guide written by Fang on how to throw a surprise birthday party.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 677 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/22/2009 - Fang - Complete
Africa Goes Awry by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Alternative Name: A SqueeFan's Worst Nightmare. In which I take every single thing that pisses off die-hard MR fans and turn it into one flame-worthy oneshot. Why? Because it's fun. Blame max-dan-wiz. I'm still a fan of the books, just having some fun.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Parody/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,012 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 8 - Published: 8/22/2009 - Gazzy/The Gasman - Complete
Me and My Flock by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Wrote this back in 2006 on a blog and just re-discovered it last night. The song 'Me and My Gang' by Rascal Flatts, rewritten to fit the Flock.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Family/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 521 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 5 - Published: 8/21/2009 - Complete
When the Fans get angry by rainbowstrike reviews
Story for 'day of Anti-Hardwicke'. While reading Fang's blog, Max discovers some interesting news about the casting choices for their upcoming movie. One mob of protestors later, she realises that perhaps it's time to call Ms. Hardwicke...
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,604 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/1/2009 - Max - Complete
Catherine Hardwicke's Coming to Town! by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
A song for the Day of Anti-Hardwicke, because I have too much free time. Hide the books, everyone!
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 283 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 7 - Published: 7/31/2009 - Fang, Max - Complete
What They've Done to Cedric by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Wrote ths story for the Day of Anti-Hardwicke. Doesn't anyone ever consider what we put our poor characters through when we make movies of their books? Well, here's a look at the life of Cedric Diggory. Or is he Edward Cullen? Or is he Fang?
Crossover - Harry Potter & Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,485 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 12 - Published: 7/31/2009 - Cedric D., Fang - Complete
Fang's response: Application to date my Daughter by rainbowstrike reviews
As seen in Evil Robina's story 'Application to Date my Daughter'. Yes I have permission to write this follow-up oneshot. Thinking that Dr. M has really given Fang an application form to date Max, he fills it out. These are his answers...
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,463 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 16 - Published: 7/25/2009 - Fang, V. Martinez - Complete
Screwdriver by Zikkie reviews
Iggy and Nudge make a play about Max and Fang's future...
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 568 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 18 - Published: 7/22/2009 - Fang, Max - Complete
The lists by rainbowstrike reviews
Dr. Martinez has had enough. She decides that the kids need to have some ground rules, and so she puts up lists for each child around the house, stating what they are no longer allowed to do. R & R, rated T just in case.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 14,539 - Reviews: 279 - Favs: 106 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 7/18/2009 - Published: 6/30/2009 - V. Martinez - Complete
Song of Adoration by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Songfic based on Paramore's song 'Adore'. After flying away from Fang in the woods, Max listens to a very fitting song in her room. Muchos in the Faxness area...The ending's always the best part...
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,007 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 9 - Published: 7/16/2009 - Max, Fang - Complete
Thunderstorms by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
There's a Thunderstorm rumbling at the E-Shaped house and Max is helping the Flock deal with it for the first time without Jeb. But one of the Flock isn't too comfortable with T-storms...Itsy Bitsy Fax if you squint. Oneshot.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,850 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 18 - Published: 7/12/2009 - Max, Fang - Complete
Love? by rainbowstrike reviews
The Uber Director is bent on his plans for capturing the Flock. But something happens that he didn't count on; falling in love. WARNING- AkilaxUD. It's a crackfic pairing. Completely stupid, freaky and weird, but give it a try. you might think its funny
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 848 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/9/2009 - Uber-director, Akila - Complete
Death of the Moderators by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Alas, the Moderators of Max-Dan-Wiz have met an untimely death. This is the obituary/news article all about it. In honor of Nathan's Army and all those who have been banned from the site.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 334 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 8 - Published: 4/25/2009 - Complete
Jeb's Magic Mirror by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Why Jeb really left the Flock: Jealousy! How could his magic mirror say Fang was the best? Fang didn't even have a mustachio! Oneshot, people, for real this time!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,815 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 18 - Published: 4/24/2009 - Jeb B., Fang - Complete
Rating by Phoenix Fanatic reviews
Fang, bored, starts to rate girls walking by along with Gazzy and Iggy. The trio gets more than they bargained for when a familiar-looking girl walks by. Fax, oneshot.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,844 - Reviews: 315 - Favs: 575 - Follows: 102 - Published: 4/5/2009 - Fang, Max - Complete
Maximum Star Wars: Episode IV by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
After a really random scene, Iggy Skywalker is supposed to save the universe. But, Fang Solo is drunk, the plot is deteriorating, and Gazzy's emo. Obviously, a parody. OOC. Random. The consequences of boredom.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,448 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 99 - Follows: 11 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Iggy, Jeb B. - Complete
Gozen and the Feather Kids by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Gozen went to Antarctica so he could get his lollipop back and save the pygmy marmosets. But then, as he captured the feather kids Gerald, the UD, sent him for, he met Fuzzles. Gozen loves his Fuzzles. This is Gozen's story of The Final Warning...Kinda
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,736 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 7 - Published: 3/15/2009 - Gozen, Fang - Complete
Happy Birthday, Seaweed Brain! by Zikkie reviews
PERCABETH! Written in Annabeth's Point. Of. View.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,671 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 116 - Follows: 23 - Published: 3/1/2009 - Percy J., Annabeth C. - Complete
Bubbles, Football, and Pygmy Marmosets by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
Written for LiveLaughLuv311's contest. Fang spends a day with Ella and her slightly neurotic friends. A perfect example of why Fang doesn't socialize much. Pygmy Marmosets! Don't ask I basically pulled this story out of my sleeve, so here goes nothing!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,660 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 18 - Published: 2/17/2009 - Fang, Ella - Complete
Ninja Fang by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
It's better than Spiderman! Fang hits his head and develops ninja powers! Or, at least, he thinks he has....
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,817 - Reviews: 197 - Favs: 217 - Follows: 35 - Published: 1/23/2009 - Fang - Complete
Conundrum by Phoenix Fanatic reviews
After a small accident, Max and Fang can hear each other's thoughts! Oh, my, this presents a number of challenges... and what if a certain company is interested in this development? -Fax- -Complete-
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 34 - Words: 102,806 - Reviews: 2447 - Favs: 886 - Follows: 423 - Updated: 1/11/2009 - Published: 9/16/2007 - Complete
Slight Tingling Sensation by Phoenix Fanatic reviews
Max attempts to get Fang to wear a face mask. "Attempts" being the key word. Oneshot, Fax.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,472 - Reviews: 146 - Favs: 197 - Follows: 31 - Published: 12/28/2008 - Max, Fang - Complete
The Story of Justin by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
This is the story of Justin, Fang and Iggy's illegitimate child, who was adopted by Rosalie and Emmett. This story is a Christmas Gift to all my 'Avian Flu' readers. So, if you haven't read my other story, this may not make sense to you.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Parody/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,186 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 106 - Follows: 14 - Published: 12/24/2008 - Iggy, Fang - Complete
Chocolate by Phoenix Fanatic reviews
Fang discovers what he can do when he takes Max's chocolate hostage. Oneshot, Fax, and a bonus for anyone who can figure out how to get the chocolate back.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,376 - Reviews: 235 - Favs: 208 - Follows: 44 - Published: 12/4/2008 - Complete
Dance Dance Revolution by Phoenix Fanatic reviews
Who knew Fang could shake his hips? Then again, who knew he even had them? Oneshot, Faxness
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,602 - Reviews: 175 - Favs: 232 - Follows: 39 - Published: 11/8/2008 - Complete
The Lost Love Chronicles by EdwardAddict reviews
We know Max and Fang have chemistry as teenagers, right? Who's to say they didn't have the same feelings when they were younger? Join the tales of a forgotten childhood and repressed romance. DISCONTINUED.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,087 - Reviews: 201 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 6/24/2008 - Published: 8/6/2007 - Fang, Max - Complete
The Golf Cult R Us by EdwardAddict reviews
-Sequel to The Prank Wars- Max and the gang are forced to team up with the Golf Cult to save the world. But from what? Fang won't start yet another prank war, will he? What's this about a new Institute? Can Max trust anyone anymore? FAX DISCONTINUED
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 19,039 - Reviews: 362 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 94 - Updated: 6/20/2008 - Published: 6/9/2007 - Fang, Gazzy/The Gasman
Simply Dazzling by EdwardAddict reviews
Cuddling up with the scrumptious-smelling Edward gives Bella a great idea. Why not bottle his scent and sell it? Just think how much happier the women of the world would be! Oneshot
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,078 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 9 - Published: 6/15/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Rosalie's Shame by EdwardAddict reviews
Rosalie Hale is everything but perfect. She has her one secret "rough patch" that no one else can understand. The horrors of being a female vampire! Oneshot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,042 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/14/2008 - Rosalie - Complete
The Prank Wars by EdwardAddict reviews
COMPLETE! Fang wants revenge for having to play Truth or Dare. Of course, Max strikes back. It turns into an all out Prank War. Even Ari and Jeb are getting involved. Is this an epidemic? MANGNESS! Voted Best Humor fic in the MR fanfic awards
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 42 - Words: 31,518 - Reviews: 1563 - Favs: 432 - Follows: 145 - Updated: 12/27/2007 - Published: 9/4/2006 - Fang, Max - Complete
Grounded Angels by EdwardAddict reviews
Chapter 98 in TAE. What was going on in Fang's head while the others prayed? Are they truly God's Grounded Angels? Oneshot Faxy
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Spiritual/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 603 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 7 - Published: 11/21/2007 - Fang - Complete
Experiment 2323 by EdwardAddict reviews
Years after the Flock have settled down for good, they finally get closure over the School. Turns out, the whitecoats were captured and tested. Life has a funny way of taking care of things. Oneshot
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 614 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/10/2007 - Max, Fang - Complete
40 Harsh Things Max Could Say to a Naked Fang by EdwardAddict reviews
Just a little list of things Max might say to Fang if he didn't measure up. HumorParody Oneshot Faxy
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 398 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 16 - Published: 9/23/2007 - Max, Fang - Complete
It All Started With Troy by EdwardAddict reviews
When Nudge forces the Flock to watch High School Musical 2, sparks fly during a heated debate about the main character, Troy. Just how will it end? Pointless fluff. Fax Oneshot
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 947 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 17 - Published: 9/16/2007 - Fang, Max - Complete
Oh, The Possibilities! by EdwardAddict reviews
Where's Fang's power? Why doesn't he have one? Oh, young one, you are very wrong. He's had a power all along. It's just a secret. But now he's willing to share that secret with us all. Series of Oneshots Parody
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,488 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 9/8/2007 - Published: 8/18/2007 - Fang - Complete
Guidelines to Writing a Good Maximum Ride FanFic by EdwardAddict reviews
So you want to write a MaxRide fic. But how to start? How can you avoid being terribly clichéd? How can you avoid getting flamed? All this and more in the complete guide to writing. Finally complete
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,367 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 8/23/2007 - Published: 8/11/2007 - Complete
Love is Just a Swing Away by EdwardAddict reviews
Jeb recently bought a swingset for the Flock to try to help them live normal childhoods. What can come from a swingoff battle of the sexes? Fax Oneshot
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 2 - Words: 905 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 8/6/2007 - Published: 7/11/2007 - Fang, Max - Complete
Happy Pony Rainbow Land Regains Their King by EdwardAddict reviews
This is all based on a banner I used to have on the Maximum Ride message boards. Fang suddenly begins to smile when these winged munchkins come to take him back to his kingdom. Can he battle the happiness? Hilariousity ensues. Parody Oneshot
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 591 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/14/2007 - Fang - Complete
The Many Meanings of Cookies by EdwardAddict reviews
Max is craving some cookies. Upon finding the perfect recipe, she heads off to a motel with the others to try it out. Max and Fang learn the multiple meanings of cookies. FAX ONESHOT
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 855 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 11 - Published: 1/29/2007 - Fang, Max - Complete
You Sank My Battleship! by EdwardAddict reviews
Jasper and Emmett are bored and decide to play battleship. Who's gonna win? What crazy things did I make them do this time? Read to find out. Rated T for safety.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 377 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 8 - Published: 6/30/2006 - Emmett, Jasper - Complete
When Twister Gets Funny by EdwardAddict reviews
Bella and the rest of the Cullens play Twister one Thursday night. Why is everyone laughing? Why is Emmett wearing high heels? Rated T for Emmett. ONESHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 628 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 14 - Published: 6/1/2006 - Emmett, Jasper - Complete
When Scrabble Goes Wrong by EdwardAddict reviews
What happens when the Cullens decide to play a game of Scrabble and it turns physical? How will the problem be solved? Rated T for language. ONESHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 443 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 10 - Published: 5/31/2006 - Edward, Emmett - Complete
Note to Self by GIRL IN STORY reviews
Sometimes, being a leader just means pretending to be sure of yourself. One shot.
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,622 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 21 - Published: 7/27/2005 - Complete
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The Form Revolution reviews
What happens when Iggy gets bored? What happens when he looks for revenge for some Dora-bashing? What happens when he picks forms for each of the Flock to answer? You're about to find out! Inspired by Evil Robina's Application to Date My Daughter. FAX!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 614 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/15/2012 - Iggy, Max
Cabin Fever reviews
A blizzard is raging across Antarctica, and Max is bored out of her mind. That is, of course, until Nudge unleashes a new horror:The Weekly Ride! Will the Flock manage to survive? Will Bob the Jelly Blob consume all of humanity? Read to find out! FAX!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,424 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/14/2012 - Max, Fang
Jar of Hearts reviews
When Fang leaves, Max has a lot of thinking to do, about herself and about the Flock. Luckily, she listens to a very fitting song on her iPod one day. Muchos in the Faxness area...the ending's always the best part...
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,152 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/9/2012 - Max, Fang - Complete
How Angel Became the Queen of Jellyland reviews
Angel's POV on TFW, but with a strange...twist. Watch as Angel battles the demonic Purple Lady, plots the many ways to murder Max, and screeches at the mention of lollipops! My first fanfic, so please no flames!
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,084 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1/9/2012 - Angel - Complete