![]() Hello! My other account: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/3120966/Honda_Natsuka ıllıllı тнe 27 coммandмenтѕ oғ ғanғιcтιon ıllıllı 1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for grammar and spelling errors. The fanfiction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for good reason. Use it. Otherwise, employ a beta reader. 2.Thou shalt not post a chapter of fewer than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses. 3. Thou shalt not put author's notes in the middle of the story. 4. Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a fic, unless the characters are actually texting. 5. Thou shalt keep to one tense, and only one, throughout the story. Do not switch randomly. 6. Apply the above number 5 to POVs, as well. 7. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing featured in your fanfiction. It probably is rather hilarious. 8. Thou shalt not use O.o, ;p, or D: in a fanfiction to show the emotion exhibited by a character. 9. Thou shall try-eth to keep characters in-character! 10. Thou shall not treat every criticism as a flame. 11. The author's note is not a spot for your personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so. 12. Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase "first fic" in thy summary. 13. Thy created characters must not have names that exceed five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name have more than five words in length. 14. Thou shall not insert thyself into the story line as thyself or as a character—yes we know that you are in love with yourself and are very narcissistic, we just don’t want to read about how you end up with the main character. 15. If thou art writing a story that does not follow the original story line, point it out in the beginning. 16. Thou shall not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change—a good reason. 17. Thou shalt show and not tell. 18.Thou shalt not EVER use the phrase "I suck at summaries" in-est thine summary. This annoys thine readers. 19. Thou shalt not write the same way thou speak-est—writing is an art. 20. Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word "okay" correctly. Using the letter "K" is an unacceptable compromise. 21. Thou shalt only use clichés when thou a) art writing a parody, or b) hast found a new and interesting twist to make such clichés bearable to thine reader. 22. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thine readers shalt be confuse-ed. 23. Thou shalt not EVER make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THINE READER AND THE FANFICTION GODS. They have given thee an ENTER key with good reason. 24. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on; it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and makes angels weep. 25. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before you writeth thine fic. Misspelling the name of the main characters makes readers angry and distracts from the story. 26. Thou shalt not say in thine summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses. The only exception is when a summary is cut short and a continuation of it lies inside. 27. Thou shall use paragraphs and space the story so it is not terrifyingly daunting to thine readers. Quotes that cheer me up "Please do me right now. On the kitchen table. On the bed. On the couch. Shoot I'll even take on the floor in front of the TV. Just do me. –Sincerely, your homework." "Guess who? I will find you, take you to bed & have my way with you. You will moan, groan, and even beg me to stop. I'll exhaust you & leave all worn out. It's me, the Stomach Flu." "You came to me one night. Explored my body, licked, sucked, swallowed! When satisfied, you left & I was hurt!!... Stupid mosquito!" An optimist is someone who falls off the empire state building and after 50 floors says, "So far, so good!" I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly. If life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS! Do not disturb, I'm disturbed already. Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas. An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work. The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. I battle sarcasm with logic. I call it logicasm. Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs. You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them. You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because I just rigged your house with explosives. If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable. If you think nobody cares you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. I'm such a REBEL. I leave messages before the beep! An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough. Drive it like you stole it! I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on eBay. There are two types of pedestrians—the quick and the dead. There are few problems that can't be solved with high explosives. I didn't say it was your fault. I was just blaming it on you. A computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me in kick boxing. There are three sides of an argument. Your side, my side, and the right side. If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' is congress the opposite of progress? In language, 'fuck' falls into many grammatical categories. Greetings : "How the fuck are ya?" Fraud: "I got fucked by the car dealer." Resignation: "Oh, fuck it!" Trouble: "I guess I'm fucked now." Aggression: "FUCK YOU!" Disgust: "Fuck me." Confusion: "What the fuck...?" Difficulty: "I don't understand this fucking business!" Despair: "Fucked again..." Pleasure: "I couldn't be fucking happier." Displeasure: "What the fuck is going on here?" Lost : "Where the fuck are we." Disbelief : "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!" Retaliation: "Up your fucking ass!" Denial: "I didn't fucking do it." Perplexity: "I know fuck all about it." Apathy: "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?" Suspicion: "Who the fuck are you?" Panic: "Let's get the fuck out of here." Directions: "Fuck off." Disbelief : "How the fuck did you do that?" It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole." It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty." It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?" It can be maternal- "Mother fucker." It can be political- "Fuck Al Gore!" |
Oh God, Get Me Out! by Triangular Prism reviews
Strings of the Heart by Lacrymosa-Nightmare reviews