Lord of chaos guide my feet that fate can bring me what I will need.
Lord of destiny work with me, and take me somewhere I can be happy.
Lady of luck, bless me, so that my days will hold hope everlasting.
Lady night, cover me, so that my footsteps shall always be hidden.

So I have a story. Its not a fanfic, but it was suggested to me that I post it here to get some feedback. So, please constructive criticism. What reads well, what doesn't. Where are there plot gaps and so on.

Rise, is not a happy story. Its not meant to be. Its a work in progress, and obviously going to be a little quirky until it is done.

Exerpt:

Have you ever heard a mother’s heart breaking and twisting?” She paused and sighed, her breath warm against his skin as she shifted restlessly, “It sounds like death; it’s a white flag fluttering in the hurricane winds; threads slowly unravelling, when what is happening is so definitive that hope is a forgone conclusion; bringing you to your knees, threatening your sanity.
It sounds like hell, all the hairs on the back of your neck rise, and your blood turns cold in your veins: a mournful bitter dirge that echoes on in the silence. It’s the mourning song filled with death, pain, and love. I was so tired, we all were, but in the absence of hope, we all found the strength to cry.”