imaginary-friend1234
ok hi this is a lil sumtin bout me: name: takhani or tk for short age:13 fav colour: tie between black,blue,purple and green ok but enogh bout me THIS IS IMPORTANT... Well, Sort Of... Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!! GO PLUTO Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down. I bet you can't resist passing it on when you're done! 97 percent of teenage girls are bringing sexy back. copy and paste if you're one of the 3 percent that believe sexy never... left!! TGIF- Thank God I'm Female Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water! There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. Ever wondered if illiterate people get the full effects of alphabet soup? I sweep a room with a glance. Chaos theory is a new theory created by scientists panicked at the thought that the public are beginning to understand the old ones. I would be unstoppable... if I could just get started. My family tree is full of nuts. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. What is another word for "thesaurus"? I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it! Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that. Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. Don't follow in my footsteps. I walk into walls. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. Being mature is overrated Silence is so freakin loud You say I've lost my sanity. But you can't lose what you never had. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? Girls are like phones, they like to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button then you'll get disconnected. I follow my own footsteps I have that effect on most people. A new survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75 percent of the population. A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do. And a woman's gotta do what he can't! You'll always be my best friend - you know too much! Housework won't kill you, but why take the chance. Dull women have immaculate houses. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day, and tomorrow doesn't look good either. Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of it. It never rains, it pours. A clean house is a sign of a wasted house. If at first you don't succeed, erase any evidence that you ever tried! Organized people are just too lazy to look for things. If I killed everyone that was stupid I wouldn't have time to sleep. I would cut off your head, beard and all, if it stood just a little higher from the ground. Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something. Every time I try to make ends meet, someone moves the ends. Chocolate is proof that God wants us to be happy. Music is love in search of word. Sometimes, the dreams that come true are the dreams you never knew you had. "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." "You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor." ~ Anonymous "Some people dream of worthy accomplishments while others stay awake and do them." He gave her 12 roses, 11 real and 1 fake, and said "I'll love you until the last rose dies." In order to stand up for what you believe in, you have to be willing to stand alone. "Love is being stupid together." Life isn't waiting for the storm to pass, it's learning to dance in the rain. "No one is too young for love, because love doesn't come from your mind, which knows your age, but from your heart, which knows no age." "Love is not blind -- it simply enables one to see things others fail to see." Anonymous "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres". ~ A Walk to Remember Music washes away from the soul -If you hate someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way you are a mile away from them AND you have their shoes. -Wish for what you want...work for what you need -When you love someone you can tell...when you're in love with someone, every one else can. -They laugh because I'm different...i laugh because they're the same. -Fear is the heart of love. -A good friend will comfort you when you're boyfriend breaks up with you...but a best friend will go up to him and ask "It's because you're gay isn't it?" -I'd rather be hated for who i am the loved for who I'm not. -The TRUTH is that everyone going to hurt you...you just have to decide who is worth the pain. -You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad- Aldous Huxley - Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.- Vernon Law -Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. - Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. -Did you just call me a bitch? Well a bitch is a dog, and dogs bark, bark is on trees, trees are part of nature, nature is beautiful. So yeah, thanks for the compliment. -BRB, I'm busy trying to jump off the roof with the kitchen broom. -If your heart was really broken...you'd be dead so shut up. Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS -BE nice to losers. one day they might be cool! "We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do." When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?" We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration! "We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box." I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow "I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for." "When there's a will, I want to be in it." A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Here's a toast -- To those who challenge us to mind games, but forget to bring their equipment! Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. - There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. - What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? - "Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss." Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? - Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? - A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. - He who laughs last didn't get it. - When there's a will, I want to be in it. -Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. -I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally. -The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action. -I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on. -When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. -Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. -I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. -Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking. 10 Commandments of a Teenager (these are kinda funny even though I disagree with a few... lol) 1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. What a Boyfriend SHOULD do: When she walks away from you mad When she stares at your mouth When she pushes you or hits you When she starts cussing at you When she's quiet When she ignores you When she pulls away When you see her at her worst When you see her start crying When you see her walking When she's scared When she lays her head on your shoulder When she steals your favorite hat When she teases you When she doesn't answer for a long time When she looks at you with doubt When she says that she likes you When she grabs at your hands When she bumps into you When she tells you a secret When she looks at you in your eyes When she misses you When you break her heart When she says its over When she repost this bulletin Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.- Tease her and let her tease you back.- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.- Give her the world.- Let her wear your clothes.- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.- Let her know she's important.- Kiss her in the pouring rain.- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is; If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will : FRIENDS AND BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. FRIENDS: Are only through high-school /college. (aka: drinking buddies) FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost. FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive. FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down. FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with me. FRIENDS: Hide me from the cops. FRIENDS: Lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?" A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you. A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry. A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you. A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in. A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!" A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore. A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries. Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL, Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART, Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG, Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY, Calling me POOR won't make you RICH, Calling me FAT wont make you SKINNY, Calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL, So why bother? Girls "She's my best friend. Break her heart, and I'll break your face." "I plan on living forever...so far so good." "Love your enemies. It makes them so damn mad." --P.D. East "When someone says "nothing is impossible" ask them to dribble a football." "The key to a healthy marriage is to keep your eyes wide open before you wed and half-closed thereafter." Benjamin Franklin "The greater danger for most of us is not that The Right Guy: Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you backwhen you hang up on him, who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat. Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy that kisses your forhead, who keeps your picture in his wallet, who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants, who holds your handin front of all his freinds, who thinks your beautiful without makeup, one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you, THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER! (These ones are great for a laugh) 15 Things to do when you’re in Walmart! 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "We have a Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens. 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!" 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" 15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go" -- The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong. Man: Where have you been all my life? Bella: "It's...a cow." MORE FUNNY QUOTES: -Who ever said that nothing was impossible clearly never tried to slam a revolving door. -If two wrongs don't make a right, try three -1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you. -One day we're going to look back on this, laugh nervously and then change the subject -We're best friends. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a bridge I laugh harder. -Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin. -My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems. -A day without light is, well, night -Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls -Those who cannot remember the past are going to spend a lot of time in mall parking lots looking for their cars -Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't -I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either. - I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. -If you're forced to choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before. ;) -There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. :D -What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? -You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then? (I should you use that on my older twin don't you think? except with minutes) -I don't obsess! I think intensely. (so true!) -They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people. "Sometimes, people build up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break through." ~ Anonymous Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. FINE= the real definition: F.reaked Out I.nsecure N.uerotic E.motional It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you. Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them. Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them? There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. Your mom looks like Voldemort (oooooh burn) Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Don’t mess with me I've got a stick Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. I ran with scissors, and lived! You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile Did you know... kissing is healthy.bananas are good for period pain.it's good to cry.chicken soup actually makes you feel better.94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.lying is actually unhealthy.you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.chocolate will make you feel better.most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.a good friend never judges.a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.boys aren't worth your tears.we all love surprises. 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. Stupid Warnings: This is a list of all the stupid warnings on the products most of us use daily. 1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children 2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts 3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping 4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire 5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking 6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado 7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts 8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children 9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. 10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping 11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap 12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness 13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required 14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use 15. Korean Kitchen Knife: Warning: Not to be used in Children 16. On Sears hairdryer: 17. On a bag of Fritos: 18. On a bar of Dial soap: 19. On some Swann frozen dinners: 20. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) 21. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: 22. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: 23. On Boot's Children's cough medicine: 24. On Nytol sleep aid: 25. On a string of Christmas lights: 26. On a food processor: 27. On Sainsbury's peanuts: 28. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: 29. On a Swedish chainsaw: 30. On a child's Superman costume: This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination. SUPPORT THE BUNNY! (\_/) If you have ever fallen down the stairs copy this into your profile If people think you are mentally insane copy this into your profile If they are right copy and paste this into your profile If you think everyone's out of their minds (including yourself...but that's a given), copy and paste this to your profile If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile. -evil laugh-... parking garage... yellow bunnies... blue m&m's... If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile! If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. If you've ever randomly burst into song, copy and paste this into your profile! If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile If you've ever had a really (and I mean really) obvious revelation, such as "my gosh, I get it, it's called fall, because the leaves fall from the trees!" copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly stupid, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile. If you think that dumb girl from the Eggo commercial should just give her father some freakin' waffles already, copy and paste this into your profile If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turky Bird thing shoud go to rehab, copy this into your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, copy this into your profile! If you have ever slapped/punched a relative because they took something of yours, copy this into your profile This blonde is driving down an old country road when she spots another blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief, she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while. When she can't stand it any more, she calls out to the blonde in the field, The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, 'Because it is an ocean of wheat.' The blonde standing at the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field, 'It is dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name.' The blonde in the field just shrugs her shoulders and begins rowing again. The blonde on the side of the road is beside herself and shakes her fist at the blonde in the field yelling, Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said, 'These look like deer tracks,' They argued and argued for a quite while and they were still arguing when the train hit them. One day this blonde calls her friend and says, Her friend asks, 'What is it a puzzle of?' The blonde says, 'From the picture on the box, it's a tiger.' Well, the friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the pieces spread all over the table. He studies them for a moment, then studies the box. He turns to her and says, 'Well, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.' She asks, 'Oh, how come?' He says, 'Look, never mind, let's just relax, have a cup of coffee and we'll put all these cornflakes back in the box.' A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse. How do you drown a blonde? Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye? How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Why do blondes have 'TGIF' written on their shoes? Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax? Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said 'Disneyland Left' so they turned around and went home. A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies' room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, 'Welcome to the ladies' room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!' The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, 'I think I'm the most beautiful of us three' and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money. The redhead stepped up and said, 'I think I'm the most talented of us three,' and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Jaguar in her hands. Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, 'I think...' and was promptly sucked into the mirror. The police department, famous for its superior canine (K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident. Returning home from work a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene. 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. A Month one Mommy Month Two Mommy Month Three You know what Mommy Month Four Mommy Month Five You went to the doctor today. Month Six I can hear that doctor again. Month Seven Mommy Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cryed post this in your profile girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love. Her name was Auroura Her dad was a drunk Her only friend She always talked to it Until her parents A bruise on her leg But she grabs her bear She sits in the corner Such a bad life Then one night Then her mom suddenly She thrusted the blade The mom walked out Police showed up One officer slowly It must have been bad If child abuse makes you sick and you think it's horrible and should be stopped, put this poem on your profile. Try not to Cry Mommy ... Johnny brought a gun to school, Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told, When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another, Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest. And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try, Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest, When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could, But Mommy, I must go now, the time is getting late, In memory of the Columbine and Virginia Tech Students who were lost My name is Tiffany I am three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren’t ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can’t do a wrong I can’t speak at all Or else im locked up All day long. When im awake im all alone The house is dark My folks aren’t home When my mommy does come home I'll try and be nice, So maybe ill just get One whipping tonight. I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie’s bar. I hear him curse My name is called I press myself Against the wall I try to hide From his evil eyes I’m so afraid now I’m starting to cry He finds me weeping Calls me ugly words, He says its my fault He suffers at work. He slaps and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And run to the door He’s already locked it And i start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken, "I’m sorry!", I scream But its now much to late His face has been twisted Into a unimaginable shape The hurt and the pain Again and again O please God, have mercy! O please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door While i lay there motionless Brawled on the floor My name is tiffany I am three, Tonight my daddy Murdered me And you can help Sickens me top the soul, And if you read this and don’t pass it on I pray for your forgiveness Because you would have to be One heartless person To not be effected By this Poem And because you are effected, Do something about it! So all i ask you to do Is pass this on! IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE On with it! Do those poems make you sad? They sure make me sad. I was walking around in a store. I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back saying : "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her." I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me." "I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "What if we checked again, just in case you do have enough money?'' "OK" he said "I hope that I have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added "I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mommy can give it to my sister. He heard me!''"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' "My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article: 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car, where there was one young lady and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to recover from the coma. Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Repost this message IF YOU HATE DRUNK DRIVING!!. 2) Ignore it as if it never touched you. have a heart I remember the story: John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose. His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Holly Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. "You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel." So at 7.00 p.m. he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen. I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened: A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured. Almost uncontrollably, I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Holly Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever by grateful. I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment. "I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?" The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!" Effective Ways On How To Annoy/Scare/Weird Out The Living Daylights Outta People (on elevators, in computer labs, etc.) 1. Repeat everything the person says in a question. 12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. |
