One Night of passion leads to drastic consequences that changes the war completely. Harry must go into hiding to protect himself and his most guarded secret. But will that secret bring Harry and Tom together? Only if it is Meant to Be. M/M - TRHP - RAPE - MPREG - OOC.

Draco is turned into a vampire after the war, and Harry can't help but think it suits him. -DM/HP. Vampire Fic. •Part I-final year at Hogwarts, Part II-12 years later•

Harry and Blaise are brought together by events that mean Harry has to flee Hogwarts, feelings develop and Harry's place in the war is in the balance. MPREG.

The discovery of a family tapestry and Potter's pregnancy. They both have one thing in common: turning Draco's life upside down. Draco's pov; slash; MPreg; altered timeline; more warnings inside

After the trial of the Malfoys ends, Harry starts receiving flowers. It takes a bit before he realises that the flowers aren't randomly chosen. Birthday fic; slash; set right after the war; MPreg in later chapter; more warnings inside

(Thanks, StillWatersAreDeep, for the title change.) After a potions accident, the submissive 5th through 7th years find themselves pregnant. Once they know who 'fathered' the babies, Dumbledore states that they have to be resorted and move in with their partners. What happens when the Ministry finds out? Drarry, Dumble/Ginny bashing! Complete! Sorry about how I ended the story...

Draco Malfoy wakes up on his seventeenth birthday to intense pain. Finding out that he has a Creature inheritance of an old and powerful species of Dragon, Draco must use his new powers to protect his mate Harry from dangerous enemies. But first, he must prove to Harry that he can be a Dragon worthy to call Harry Potter his. Dom/Sub Dominant!Draco Submissive!Harry DM/HP BZ/RW/NL

HPDM slash. Of course, Harry would be the only person in wizarding history to get turned into a Veela by a chain of coincidences and then compelled to attend Veela finishing school to learn about his new powers. And the only one of those who has to get instructed by Draco Malfoy, for that matter. Who does not look any better with wings. Updated Sundays. COMPLETE.

Harry breaks the mirror after the end of the war. He is sent back to 1975 and takes up the mantle of Lord Peverell. He hopes to turn around the tragic Black family story. How? By getting newly widowed Lord Orion Black to fall in love with him. SLASH, Mpreg, Time-Travel, mild Character Bashing. Orion Black/Harry Potter, sub!Harry COMPLETE 11/25!

Draco works in the Magical Detachment Facility, coordinating Obliviators to take care of Muggles who denied their wizarding suitors, and Valentine's Day is always the worst...until Potter walks in. Fluff, tumblr prompt. Drarry. COMPLETE

The insanity that was Voldemort is over. The clean-up is about to begin. How will the Wizarding World return to sanity? And will Harry manage to keep his? EWE. Rated M for slash, adult themes, coarse language, maybe MPREG. COMPLETE

The Ancient and Most Noble House of Black has wards so ancient they have a mind of their own when it comes to who they choose to let in. One night, Draco Malfoy seeks refuge in his family home, on his mother's side. But it isn't only a place to sleep Draco wants and an unsuspecting Harry Potter is upstairs asleep in his bed. Mpreg. Slash. Drarry.

A snake shows up during Harry's summer and it has quite an interesting story to tell him and insists on being his brother of sorts. But how can that be? Is Harry really who he always thought he is and if not, how did he come to be who he thought he was and who is he really? And what does that have to do with a snake? And most of all, why on earth is Draco flirting with him?

Ron's eyes widened in disbelief and Hermione simply looked worried in disapproval. Harry opened his mouth to ask them what the matter was, but before he could, Hermione said, "Harry, are you wearing a Slytherin tie?" He dropped his fork, panicking. "Er…no?"

Harry thinks kissing Malfoy is a good way to keep all the girls away. Draco thinks kissing Potter will make people stop bothering him. Everybody wins!

HPDM slash, HPGW at first. That Harry returned Draco's wand to him was only one small act in a life, one thing that he might have done or not done. But more acts succeed that one, and Harry and Draco find themselves sharing more and more of them. COMPLETE.

Harry doesn't want to kill, so he offers Voldermot a second chance at life, to see things from the other side. first chapter voldemorts point of veiw. Slash Mpreg.

COMPLETE - An act of kindness changes Harry's circumstances, leaving him shunned by those he once considered friends. Now, when the most unlikely group offers him friendship, he must choose between continued solitude or hands that may be hiding knives Slash DMHP

Astoria isn't able to conceive due to a misfired spell. Harry offers to be their surrogate, wanting to help one of his best friends. Draco agrees and while both think they can keep their hearts out of it, it will prove very difficult to just stay friends when Harry falls pregnant. Implied mature content; Mpreg; surrogacy; angst; cheating; arranged marriage; more warnings in story

HPDM slash. Harry saves Draco's life. That should be the end of it. Except it isn't, because Draco keeps coming up with crazy things—and Harry goes along with it because he can't wait to see what Draco's going to come up with next. Updated every Thursday. COMPLETE.

Seamus wakes up early only to notice something strange on Harry's lower back. Does Harry have a tattoo? If so, what is it? Drarry, also some Seamus/Dean and R/Hr. 8th year fic.

*adopted from arudhatt* After fighting for so long, Harry is betrayed and forced to Bond with Voldemort. Read as Harry sheds his Gryffindor mask and becomes Consort Slytherin to get his revenge. Will he be able to find the love and family he's always wanted? *AU from OotP on* Select Weasley/Granger/Dumbledore bashing SLASH Mpreg RATED M for a reason!

McGonagall has created a 'stress reliever' for the eighth years, something to take their minds off the finished war. Art class. Somehow, along the line, Harry and Draco become friends. Then much more. All because of a little thing called lead. WARNING MALE X MALE. Harry x Draco. Harry Potter.

During Christmas break of Eighth Year, Harry and Draco are drawn together as they seek to puzzle out the meaning of Draco's strange dreams. It would seem that Harry's troubles are far from over. Slash Draco/Harry.

HPDM slash. Draco knows how to the world is supposed to go: he is a dominant Veela, with a submissive mate. It's rather a surprise to find out that his mate is Harry Potter. It's rather more of one to find out that Harry, having been raised by Muggles, does not know how the world is supposed to go, and has no interest in being a submissive mate. COMPLETE.

Or: How Draco broke every single rule in the unwritten Malfoy Rule Book, with a little help from Harry Potter.

Sequel to AIFITGCL. Voldemort is finally gone, but now Harry has made a new enemy, who is possibly even more dangerous than Voldemort. Combine that danger with new revelations about the past, new additions to the family and ex friends out for revenge and Harry will have anything but a calm year. Will he manage to survive another threat? Slash, MPreg, other warnings in story

Harry is in the midst of a final battle when an unexpected spell reveals a bond between Tom Riddle and Harry Potter. Harry struggles to gain Tom's trust while searching for the answers he needs. Who hid his bond? What actually happened that Halloween in Godric's Hollow? TR/HP MPreg Evil!Dumbledore

Draco is reaching his eighteenth birthday and with it his heat. He can't control the urge to mate and begins to forget in the fire that is consuming him that Harry Potter is an enemy, not a sex toy. WARNING MALE X MALE. Harry x Draco. Harry Potter. MPREG

Harry receives a letter from a seven-year-old boy begging him for help fighting the monsters under his bed. The problem? The letter is fifteen years old, and the sender is none other than Draco Malfoy. DH slash, EWE. Complete.

The battle of Hogwarts is over, Voldemort is dead. Harry Potter, the saviour of the wizarding world decides now it's time to finally relax. Then he receives some shocking news which sends him overseas. Warning: slash, strong language, more warnings inside.

Harry Potter is the chosen one, but he has been keeping a secret. He was secretly dating Draco Malfoy. When everyone finds out they want to keep the two young men apart. Not long after Harry and Draco leave Hogwarts Voldemort turns up at the old castle. What will the chosen one do? Single chapter story, Warning, slash, mpreg, strong language. Set in Harry's seventh year.

FenrirxHarry - Watching Potter refuse to break under Voldemort's torture, Greyback senses that he is far too valuable to his species to allow to die. Demanding possession of him, he takes the boy as his own. Unfortunately, the boy refuses to bend or break under him either…

As Muggle surveillance threatens the very existence of the wizarding world, Minister Potter resorts to desperate measures and contacts the Draco that resides twenty years in the past. The ebb and flow of magic and time swirl around Hogwarts while unknown powers assail them. Slash Draco/Harry.

Harry Potter is the proud owner of The Little Marauders Nursery and Day Care and his favourite student is Scorpius Malfoy. Scorpius's dad might be okay, too. [Top Draco. Bottom Harry]

Sequel to Life Altering Moments. Sirius and Orion are off to Hogwarts, this story will be a continuation of Life Altering Moments, covering the boys first year at Hogwarts and everything that happens to the Potter-Malfoy family. Very AU and contains Slash Relationships

Eighth Year at Hogwarts. Should be a breeze for Harry and Draco right? Wrong. Especially if the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher has anything to do with it...

Harry has been hiding something ever since the end of his 5th year. What that something turns out to be is going to rock the wizarding world and a few members of the Order to their knees. You didn't think the Death Eaters were the only marked supporters of Voldemort, did you? SLASH, MPREG, mild character bashing, Sirius alive. MAJOR AU. Rabastan/Harry. COMPLETE! 10/23

COMPLETE. A strange occurance during the Triwizard Tournament, a sudden fixation with a shy Slytherin, all things which Harry Potter knows are having on impact on his life. But how? And why? Creature!fic Slash Mpreg Original Characters Harry/multi *Original creature thought up by Salus Gem

Collection of drabbles and one shots of little moments of various lengths between Draco and Harry ranging from Magical Creatures to MPreg to Angst to Humor to Death to Fluff to Romance and much Written for Your Fav House Boot Camp and as a Christmas Present to Clever Ink Yaoi/Slash. Completed.

[DRACOxHarry, VAMPIRE!Draco] Whilst Voldemort's prisoner, Draco is made a vampire and forced to drink Harry's blood. Exploding with rage at what he now is, he helps Harry to kill Voldemort. But once back at Hogwarts, Draco finds himself addicted to Harry's blood. ((Front cover by Carlesjo))

It's about 2 o' clock in the morning of Harry's birthday when Draco gets a surprise visitor at the dead of the night. Slash/Creature/Mpreg. Submissive Harry.

It's 2004. Harry, 24, has left the Auror program to become a Professor at Hogwarts. He enjoys the quiet life he has there until a new Potions professor is hired. Harry quickly become completely smitten, though too insecure to reveal his true feelings. Especially when the object of his desire seems to have interest elsewhere. Drarry, fluff and future lemons. Complete

Harry has an accident and gets turned into a cat! If that wasn't bad, he finds himself in the hands of his enemy. Follow Harry as he tries to find a way to freedom, or will he want to? M/M - TRHP - MPREG - OOC

SORRY I ACCIDENTLY DELETED SOME CHAPTERS, I HAVE RE-POSTED THEM - ALL BACK TO NORMAL. Harry lives and works in the muggle world, wanting to have a break from the wizarding world after the war. He sees his old school rival and his world is turned upside down. Rated M for language and sexual content later on.

Voldemort is gone and the war is over. Harry has returned from the dead. But when making a deal with Death, there is always a price to pay.

It's one thing to discover you're gay at eighteen, another one to realise you have a crush on your long-term enemy, but you can tell things are definitely going to get complicated when you accidentally say his name as your girlfriend kisses you... HP/DM. Eighth year fic.

Harry Potter is madly in love and believes his life couldn't get better. When Harry hears a conversation he is left heartbroken. He returns to Hogwarts to do his final year and hopes this time will help him forget his heartache, but that year leads to a new love. Slash: some language, Harry/Charlie, Harry/Draco

Sirius and Remus rescued Harry when he was 6. He was trained to kill Voldemort. With that job done he can go off to Hogwarts and relax. But what happens when he finds out that he's a Veela? Is he able to protect his mate? What will his family think? A Drarry love story protective!Harry (minor RL/SB) WARNING: MENTION OF RAPE, CHILD ABUSE

Fifteen years after the War, Draco is a social recluse and award winning author. Harry is an auror who works too hard, ensuring his old war wounds never heal. They meet at a masque ball, unaware of each other's identities. In another situation, it would have been love at first sight. But for them, it would never be so simple.

HP/DM eventual slash. When Harry's Auror partner is hit by an unknown spell during a mission, Harry finds himself in charge of looking after a very adorable, if somewhat petulant, cat. Fluffy, angst-free eventual Drarry. DH-compliant/EWE.

Post Hogwarts. Harry has lost most of his memory. Draco finds himself in a unique position to help. A chance to start over presents itself. Will Draco take it? And what will happen when Harry gets his memory back? HP/DM slash rated M

Harry Potter never thought that going under cover as a woman for the aurors would give him the perfect life. Warning: slash, mpreg. Harry/Ginny, Harry/Draco pairings.

When Fenrir Greyback spends a night with Harry Potter, the last thing he's expecting is to start a relationship with the young wizard. But when Harry turns up pregnant, what is a werewolf to do? MPREG

Turned into a werewolf at fifteen, Harry, afraid of what he now is and the lack of control he has, runs from the wizarding world...right into the territory of unmated alpha werewolf Fenrir Greyback, who is overly eager to find the submissive wolf in the heart of his territory. Fenrir/Harry. Mpreg.

Eighth Year would have been horribly boring if not for one of the Ministry's new laws; that every Witch and Wizard take a potion that would reveal their Blood Status. The intent was to prove there were no more Pure-Blood lines left. Wrong.

They say knowledge is power. But is there such a thing as too much Knowledge? Warning: Dumble bashing and as this will progress through all of Harry's Hogwarts years there will be Slash. Note: Please ignore the chapter glitches for now I'm still fixing it. MPREG WARNING!

When Harry gives in to his desires he finds out something that will make him leave. He could never tell anyone, not even his friends know who he really is. Warning: slash, mpreg.

Minerva and Severus are surprised when a first year refuses to take his seat, then he asks the headmistress to fire call his father to pick him up. Minerva and Severus know something is very wrong, now they have to work out what and why this young boy reminds them of a former student. Warning: slash, Male pregnancy. Hermione and Ron bashing.

HP/DM slash. Harry just wanted one normal year at Hogwarts. He should have known that 'normal' is for other people, not him. And this time it's not even his fault. What's an eighteen-year-old boy, who also happens to be a virgin, to do when he suddenly discovers he's pregnant? Warnings for mPreg, non-explicit slash, and adult language.

Eleven years after the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry is approached one evening at the Three Broomsticks by Draco Malfoy, who claims that thanks to the publication of Harry's official biography, everybody in the wizarding world has come up with a very interesting theory about the two of them.

What happens when Harry and Draco end up in a very small closet together. Warning smut. Vampire!Malfoy; Post-war; "8th year" at Hogwarts. Filch got a new cat too. ONESHOT WITH A SEQUEL...so I guess it's actually a twoshot

Draco has find a way to switch Harry to Slytherin and tries to get Harry to love him too. But will he succeed or will Harry think that Draco's crush is just a lie? And how will they cope with the House's rivality and with Voldemort? Slash, please R and R!

Harry is struggling after the loss of Sirius but discovering that he isn't a Potter pushes him over. Now that he knows the truth what should he fight for?

Harry Potter kept his Parseltongue ability after the war. Life seems to be different because of this gift. Snakes become an important part of his life but will seeing the snake prince change his life even more. MPREG, M/M, DM/HP. *Second fanfic and first one-shot*

A battered Boy Who Lived finds his world come crashing down when his name comes out of the Goblet of Fire. Shockingly, the only ones to come to his rescue are those he'd believed were his enemies. MPREG!

Wishing for someone to take care of him, Harry meets Krum during his 4th year. As he gets to know the Bulgarian, he finds someone who might be willing to do just that. ONESHOT

While Harry is resting at the Burrow, Arthur and Molly Weasley decide it's time to explain to Harry, Ron and George about something they will soon feel.

Don't let the title fool you. While there is plenty of smut, this is a LOVE STORY. Down and out Harry goes to work in a porn studio. And who should be there, but Draco Malfoy. Harry can't help wondering if they'll work together. post Hogwarts H/D SLASH

Students return to Hogwarts for their "Eighth" Year. Slytherin invites the other Houses for a Wand party. Odd pairings, cannon pairings and the best pair-Harry and Draco. What will they all discover about each other and themselves SLASH, future LEMONS

Harry is a teacher at a preparatory school for young wizards and witches, and that is where he meets five-year-old Scorpius Malfoy. His fascination for the boy grows as their bond strengthens through teaching and learning. It isn't long before Draco is drawn into an evolving relationship.

Harry wakes on his eighteen birthday to the biggest shock of his life, then finds out it's something he has to learn to live with. Follow Harry Potters amusing antics when his female self is the complete opposite to his male self. Warning: slash, female and male Harry.

Crack with no plot. AU. You've been warned.

After Harry is injured drastically in the final battle against Voldemort, only one person is able to remind him what it's like to be normal. Takes place after the final book. Slash Warning: Contains MPreg

Harry woke up late; on the day Vernon's boss came for breakfast no less! When he got downstairs, he was met with lustful stares. When he looked in a mirror, he noticed someone had kept secrets. LM/HP/DM, yaoi, smut, sex, mpreg. Don't like, don't read!

au/ooc:After walking in on his fiance in bed with another man, Harry fled heart broken, and started a new life abroad. When tragedy brings him home six years later, he is confronted with his former fiance. warn slash/mpreg, warn albus/some weasley bashing

Draco comes into his veela nature early when his mate's life is in danger. Will their unique bond be enough to finally bring peace to the wizarding world? AU. Pairings, DM/HP, eventual SS/RL/SB.

Third part of the Kitty Series. The war is finally over and Harry and Tom are finally free to do what they want. First thing on the agenda: get married. Join Harry and Tom in the planning of their wedding and the raising of the twins. M/M - TRHP - OOC

Auror Potter is given the task of taking down Draco Malfoy using whatever means necessary. Even if it means sleeping with the enemy - Beware: hot boy love

Harry and Draco are Professors at Hogwarts and have been happy together. When they receive some news, Harry believes it is great but Draco manages to speak before thinking which causes a rift between them. Mpreg

Sometimes people are forced to make many changes in thier lives in order to survive.After a summer of torture with the Dursleys,Harry goes into a magical coma,where he decides many things that could very well change the Wizarding World forever. DM/HP SLAS

Harry left the wizarding world behind eleven years ago. He left Draco Malfoy sleeping to wake up alone. As he left for the muggle world, he didn't know that Draco was all he left behind. Mpreg. Other warnings inside. Please R&R

After Draco divorced from Daphne, Scorpius is set on finding a second daddy, since Draco told him he only loves men. He has even made a list. Then he meets Harry and he's dead set on getting him as a second daddy. Will he succeed? Slash, MPreg, bit AU, implied mature content; some violence

For two years, Harry has endured the abuse of someone he trusted, loved. With the help of someone new and unexpected, can he over come the trauma and learn to trust again? Abuse, Angst, H/C, M/M, MPREG, NonCon, OOC.

Non-magic AU. Slash. Mpreg. Harry looked up at the man who was supposed to be his father. He recognized him vaguely form the pictures Lily had burned to keep away from him and James. He wondered absently if the man knew the real reason she'd sent him.

Harry finally gets tired of being mistreated by the Dursley's and his complaints ignored or dismissed by the faculty of Hogwarts so he runs away. He learns a lot on the streets and in the world he falls into.

Sequel to JGE. Sixth Year has begun. With Voldie gone, it should all be perfect, right? Wrong. Changes are coming, and some things are Beyond even Harry's Expectations. HP/LM crossdressing, Dumble bashing, Mpreg.

Harry found a way to hide from a world that wanted too much from him. Crossdressing, Harry/Lucius slash Sequel to Mythic Alliance don't need to read it first

Draco and Potter once again find themselves fighting. But what happens when Draco's spell goes wrong, and he has to take care of an indisposed Potter? Eventual DracoXHarry, rated M for later chapters. Post-War Fic

Au/ooc Junior healer Draco Malfoy is assigned a patient under going treatment for cancer. The man is in disguise and always alone, Draco is drawn to learn more warn slash/mpreg

They say there's no such thing as a magical Animagus. They're wrong. Harry Potter, Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy join together in an alliance no one, especially Voldemort, is expecting. Severus/Harry mentor, Harry/Draco friends. No slash.

AU. During the summer between Harry's 5th and 6th year, an ancestor of Harry's discovers the last of the line has been mistreated and decides it's time to intercede. Over 3,000,000 views. Characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

"Now, lust potions develop feelings of desire in the taker without the affection that a love potion gives, so Malfoy, you will find that you continue to see Potter as the insufferable twit that he is." Slash. Not HBP/DH compliant.

COMPLETE Harry’s pregnant and can’t look after the child when it’s born.Now he has to get someone to look after the child.Preferably the grandparents since he doesn’t want to tell the father and still wants the child to have it's real family.Drarry.SLASH

He's a Slytherin, he's blonde, he's arrogant, and they say he's cold and heartless. What they don't realise is, he's afraid, he's alone and he's bleeding. Can anybody save Draco Malfoy? HARRY/DRACO SLASH WARNING: CONTAINS SELF-HARM

Draco Malfoy was never one to turn down a challenge. But what happens when his friends bet that he can't get Harry Potter to go out with him? SLASH

Harry is alone and pregnant. He's depressed and not taking care of himself. Why is he so determined to deal with his pain alone? H/D, Mpreg, cutting, cursing, abuse...EDIT: Approx. the first 20 chapters are not up to par. They were written ages ago.

COMPLETE: Harry has come into a magical inheritance but he doesn’t realize it. Unbeknownst to Harry, the first person to kiss him automatically becomes his mate. Written in response to Mistress of Malfoy's First Kiss Challenge. WARNING: Graphic M/M sex.

There is nothing more dangerous then a woman scorned. Ginny sets to prove it right then Harry dumps her, comes out of the closet and hook up with Draco. How far will she go, and can she be stopped before someone is hurt, or worse. warn slash, mpreg

Join Tom and Harry as they go through the pains of pregnancy. Tantrums, weird food, and mysteries ensue. Sequel to Kitty Love. M/M - TRHP - MPREG - OOC

What happens when Draco is dropped unexpectedly into Harry's lap? What happens when it seems like ghosts of the past are popping back up? Warning: Contains detailed Smex and MPreg! Original Characters present! Enjoy! COMPLETED! :D

He could have been anything. A Goblin. An Orc. A Mountain Troll. Hell, he could have been the King of Dwarves for all Harry cared. But NO, of all the magical creatures, Draco Malfoy had to be a vampire. DMHP.

Once there was a potions accident... Ha! Harry turns five, much to the distress of the I don't want to be a Death Eater brigade.

Harry is pledged to marry Lucius, but ends up falling for Draco. In secret, they meet. What happens when Harry, who's supposed to be a virgin, ends up pregnant? Yaoi, slash, mpreg, AU, angstiness

An ancient bloodline rears its head causing Harry quite some trouble, along with an unwanted status. HPDM, Mpreg. creature fic.

In order to get Harry out of prison and hidden away Draco needs to get married. YaoiSlash, mpreg, wandless magic. Read warnings etc on chapters!

An ancestor of Harry's once protected the magical Mage Dragons, upon her death they vanished. Now in possession of her journal, can Harry summon them back or is he too late? SLASH,DMHP

When Harry turns seventeen he finds something out about his past, well… more like about his bloodline. He decides to make good use of it… starting one death eater at a time... Will be Slash of the HPDM kind!

Harry comes into a magical creature inheritance on his seventeenth birthday, changing his life forever. Slash, mpreg. DracoHarry

COMPLETE! Harry can feel the changes between himself and Draco almost instantly. They both start feeling an attraction to one another that neither can deny, and it lands them in the Hospital Wing. What's going on? SLASH, MPREG.

Harry gets caught while in his animagus form and is purchased to be a familiar to his worst enemy, HPDM slash.

Harry wakes up looking like a girl, Draco is possessive, yet oddly sweet, Hermione squeals like the girl she is, and Pansy is rather likeable. A tale of a Veela and his mate. Or was it a mate and his Veela? Slash HPDM. Pre OotP. COMPLETE

And, with bated breath, Draco traced the silver line down one more step in the family tree. Draco Lucius Malfoy... the third full blooded Veriae in the Malfoy family... and future life mate of Harry Potter. HD SLASH No HBP spoilers

COMPLETE: AU: Harry learns during his seventh year that his life can change forever in a single moment in time. SLASH and MPREG HarryDraco

Seventh years must take sexual education, and GryffSlyth has Snape and McGonagall as their teachers. Students must be paired up to complete a final project. Harry and Draco hate theirs, but must do it or fail. HD, sim. mpreg

A monumental cock-up in Potions leaves Harry and Draco contending with more than mutual enmity, and a strong desire to utter all manner of profanities. Slash, sex and slurred words ensue.