Sup ya'll?

This is NWLIFENWWORLD...

I'll soon be posting some of my stories...I'm working on them first cuz they are a mess!

About me:

-18 years old

-female

-Mexican-American

-Bi

-very much into f/f slash

-In love with Hilary Duff!

-Huge fan of Lizzie McGuire

-And "that's So Raven"

-oh and Phil of the future

-Currently in College,...started a month ago and I LUV IT!

And I'm in loce with a girl who doesn't know I excits...I refer to her as "someone"

My true raw feelings...(i just wrote this yesterday)...

...You tell yourself you will stop thinking about the person you love, mostly cuz u'll never have them, they can never be yours. You start thinking about someone else, hoping that they can make you forget about the love you can't have.

It's all bullshit! It doesn't work. I'm trying my hardest not to think about the one I trully love, but I can't stop.

I know I can't go on like this...

I feel like I'm a lOVE SICK PUPPY. I feel weak, not together, and alone.

I sometimes hate it how I can let my emotions rely on one person. A person that I will never have, A person that will never love me back.

Life seems to be going slow at the moment. Lastnight I had a minor break down cuz of "someone", I was thinking a lot about her and I realize that no matter what I went through, no matter how much I said I loved some one else..."SOMEONE" was always in my mind and heart. Even when I was with Chris I found myself thinking about "SOMEONE". It's always been her who I really love. And this love I have for her is real you know...its not an infatuation (sp?), its not lust, its not a fantasie...its real love. I love the way she is, the way she thinks, the way she sees life...the way she makes ME see life!

But as much as I love her I think I will never get my one wish to have her.

Look what I've become! A FUCKING LOVE SICK PUPPY!

People keep telling me I should go look for her and tell her the truth...but its not that easy guys. I can't just go up to her and say "Hey _ I'm in love with you!" Its very difficult cuz we're taling about me telling her I love her!

I'm fucked! Thats what I am Fucked if I do, fucked kif I dont.

I can't take this any more! I keep hoping I get some sort of sign that she feels the same way about me, but I'm not seeing any. Why does love have to be so fucking complicated!

I'll write more laters...

...If i'm not drowing my sorrows in alcohol cuz of her...

...Ever felt like time is going by so fast and you feel like you might be gone one day and haven't experienced anything at all?

Hopefully you know what I mean lol...

I just feel that I'm getting old so fast and I haven't had any real cool experiences...and along with those experiences comes love...

I'm still young! I KNOW! I'm 18 ! But damn I just feel that I'll never accomplish anything in my life.

My weakness is love. I know this is so wrong of me to always do...but I set my emotions on other people.

Like with "somebody" ...if I can't have her I'm miserable! And It should be like that...but damn I just can't help it. When I think about her, when I imagine her being mine...I see life very different, I feel ALIVE, I feel strong...like I could take on a shit load of stress and stuff and just go through it like nothing...like a piece of cake.

(side note: I'm not drunk...yet)

But what I feel for this "someone" will never happen. So many things happened between her and I back in our freshman year of High School...so manything things that if I told u, u would be like "she IS into you." but now I just don't know...maybe i got the signals mixed up or something...

and then I think about it...

...I mean why on earth would she be interested in ME...

Another favorite show of mine is "The girls next door" on E! Hef is such a lucky guy!

My goal in life is to OWN THE PLAYBOY MANSION