Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

Friends-

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella.
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS:Call your parents DAD and MUM and Grandpa, Gramps!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS:Would be sat next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWESOME!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you, in private, when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Have you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days, then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Lose your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt, that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and shout "I'M HOME!"

FRIENDS: Have to get told not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you, when the guy you like rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'Its because your gay, isn't it?'

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Would repost this crap!!

Female Comebacks

Man: Have I seen you somewhere before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked I'd die laughing.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u next to i
Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be a prude.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future
I’m NOT the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I CHAT so I MUST be having cyber sex.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST be obsessed with boys and gossip
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED

Calling me Fake, won't make you Real.
Calling me Stupid, won't make you Smart.
Calling me Weak, won't make you Strong.
Calling me Ugly, won't make you Pretty.
Calling me Poor, won't make you Rich.
Calling me Fat, won't make you Perfect.
So why bother?

- Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
- What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'
- Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
- Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
- He who laughs last didn't get it.

"A girl asked a guy if she was pretty; he said no. She asked him if he wanted her; he said no. She asked him if she left would he cry; he said no. She turned to leave; he grabbed her arm and said, 'You're not pretty, you're beautiful. And I don't want you, I need you. And I wouldn't cry if you left; I would die'."

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door.

Growing old is manditory, but growing up is optional.