![]() Author has written 3 stories for Fairy Tales, Misc. Books, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Hi! So, my username is wiseowl19 because the owl is the Greek goddess Athena's sacred animal. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Greek (and Roman) mythology. Because of that, I really like the Percy Jackson series, the Heroes of Olympus series. I also like the Kane chronicles and the 39 clues books. So basically anything Rick Riordan writes, I will read! I also like twisted fairly tales INCLUDING the play Into the Woods (the Witch is my favorite character) and the Sisters Grimm series. I like fantasy and most Sci-fi's. I also like the Giver series by Lois Lowry. NO HORROR STUFF (movies, books, etc.) FOR ME!!!! EVER!!!! If you haven't guessed already, I LOVE READING. So yeah. That’s me! Thanks for visiting my page! Shout-out to my weird BFF who can't spell, In-The-Shadow-Of-the-Robot PREPARE YOUR SELF FOR A LOT OF FAN FICTION PROFILE STUFF!! (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED) - The 27 Commandments of Fan fiction - 1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for grammar and spelling errors. The fan fiction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for good reason. Use it. 2. Thou shalt not post a chapter of less than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses. 3. Thou shalt not put author's notes in the middle of the story. 4. Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a fic, unless the characters are actually texting. 5. Thou shalt keep to one tense, and only one, throughout the story. Do not switch randomly. 6. Apply the above number 5 to POVs as well. 7. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing featured in your fan fiction. It probably is rather hilarious. 8. Thou shalt not use :D or :( or ;) etc. in a fan fiction to show the emotion exhibited by a character. 9. Thou shall try-eth to keep characters in character! 10. Thou shall not treat every criticism as a flame. 11. The author's note is not a spot for your personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so. 12. Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase "first fic" in thy summary. 13. Thy created characters must not have names that exceed five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name have more than five words in length. 14. Thou shall not insert thyself into the story line as thyself or as a character—yes we know that you are in love with yourself and are very narcissistic, we just don’t want to read about how you end up with the main character. 15. If thou art writing a story that does not follow the original story line, point it out in the beginning. 16. Thou shall not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change (a good reason). 17. Thou shalt show and not tell. 18. Thou shalt not EVER use the phrase "I suck at summaries" in-est thine summary. This annoys thine readers. 19. Thou shalt not write the same way thou speak-est—writing is an art. 20. Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word "okay" correctly. Using the letter "K" is an unacceptable compromise. 21. Thou shalt only use clichés when thou a) art writing a parody or b) find a new and interesting twist to make such clichés bearable to thine reader. 22. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thine readers shalt be confuse-ed. 23. Thou shalt not EVER make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THINE READER AND THE FANFICTION GODS. They have given thee an ENTER key with good reason. 24. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on, it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and make angels weep. 25. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before you writeth the fic. Misspelling the name of the main characters makes readers angry and distracts from the story. 26. Thou shalt not say in thine summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses. The only exception is when a summary is cut short and a continuation of it lies inside. 27. Thou shall use paragraphs and space the story so it is not terrifyingly daunting to thine readers. These are things I mostly say to my siblings, 'cause I’m a second mom. 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC " Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.” 7. My mother taught me IRONY "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me WEATHER "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY " "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me: ENVY "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 19. My mother taught me: ESP "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me: HUMOR "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22.My Mother taught me: GENETICS "I swear you're just like your father." 23. My Mother taught me: ABOUT MY ROOTS "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My Mother taught me: WISDOM When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. My mother taught me: JUSTICE "When you have kids I hope they turn out just like you!" BEST FRIENDS VS. GOOD FRIENDS Good Friend-Will watch what's already on the TV. Best Friend-Will wrestle your brother for the remote. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. Good Friend-Waits for you after school if you get detention. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. Good Friend-Disagrees if you say words can't hurt you. A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run – you dumb-ass- run!" Good Friend-Will have little "inside jokes" with you. Best Friend- Will randomly break out laughing because of some "inside joke" you guys had last week. Good friends will help you when you fall. Best friends will trip you again and laugh. Good Friend-Will rush over right away to comfort you if you're house burns down. Best Friend-Will be roasting marshmallows over the coals A best friend will help you move the bodies. Good friend will play a prank on you and then apologize A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will hand you a Kleenex and ask you "Who do I have to kill?" A good friend will tell you "good luck", A best friend will be right next to you yelling, "let's do this!" A good friend will let you dance with your boyfriend A best friend will scream "NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE HER, SHE'S MINE!" Good friend will giggle at you, Best friend will cackle at you Friends: Want the money they loaned you back next week. Best friends: Can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long. Good friends roll their eyes when you say something stupid Best friend slap you and say "WAKE UP!" Friends stab you in the back Boyfriends stab you in the heart And best friends poke each other with straws. Good friends punch you in the arm playfully Best friends kick you in the shins as hard as they can Friends tell you not to care when you are told you're not cool Best friends are beside you saying, "Cool is like cold, not cold is hot, so thanks for the compliment!" FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason that you have no food. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. A good friend would complain how you're too oblivious about the girl/guy who likes you. But a best friend will push you onto the girl/guy and say "you'll thank me on your wedding day." Good friend suggest that you made a minor mistake Best friends yell "THAT'S WRONG! YOU IDIOT! YOU NIMROD!" Good Friends ask for money Best Friends take your wallet out of your pocket and help themselves Good friend stare at you when you do something weird Best friends stare at you for a second and then run away screaming "GET AWAY FROM ME" A good friend will keep your secrets for you A best friend helps you keep your secrets for you A FRIEND quiets down when you pass out. A BEST FRIEND draws all over your face and takes pictures. A good friend occasionally compliments you. A best friend insults you on a daily basis A good friend wonders about your romantic history. A best friend could blackmail you with it. Good friends are inseparable But best friends can stay separated and nothing changes Good Friend-Will help you with your chores. Best Friend-Will stand behind you, spill their drink (purposely) and say, "You missed a spot." A good friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed. A best friend asks you why you took so long to call. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... A good friend bakes you a cake. A best friend shoves your face in it. And laughs. An evil laugh. Good Friend-Will lend you money and not expect you to pay them back. Best Friend-Will lend you money and then charge interest. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. (Or would if their stupid phone would actually work) Good Friend-Hands you your shoe if it falls off. Best Friend-Grabs your shoe and runs around the room with it, screaming "Ha, ha, loser!" FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. FRIENDS: will comfort you when a guy rejects you BEST FRIENDS: will go up to the guy and say, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" Friends: Will freak out when you drop your iPod and make sure you're all right and all that, Best friends: Will freak out and yell at you for dropping that great iPod, and hit you upside the head for that. Good friends: Help you clean up a mess. Best friends: Are the ones who made it. Friends: Save the last slice of pizza for you, Best friends: Eat it while laughing their ass off at your sad face. IF YOU LOVE PERCABETH, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE!!! If you repeatedly read page 203 in The Battle of the Labyrinth, copy and paste this in your profile. IF YOU LOVE ZARTER, COPY/PASTE THIS ON YOUR PROFILE!!!!!!!!! If you will always believe PERCY JACKSON is the best Greek hero of ALL TIME, copy/paste this on your profile!!!! If you will always believe CARTER KANE is the best Egyptian hero of ALL TIME, copy/paste this on your profile!!! IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE, COPY/PASTE THIS ON YOUR PROFILE!! If you have annoying siblings, copy/paste this on your profile! If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing, or a combination of both, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever read a 250 pg. book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile If you've ever talked to yourself, copy this to your profile. NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast PJO FANS: will tell Zeus to make it rain NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG! PJO FANS: say OH MY GODS! NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings PJO FANS: won't go to one because they will take away your awesome demigod powers NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or I'll tell on you! PJO FANS: say shut up or my godly parent will vaporize you! NORMAL PEOPLE: think that PJO fans are stupid PJO FANS: know that normal people are stupid NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY! PJO FANS: when being chased use their awesome demigod powers/skills NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms PJO FANS: yell at Zeus to calm down (politely) NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation PJO FANS: would try and find Camp Half Blood NORMAL PEOPLE: don’t have this on their profile PJO FANS: MUST have this on their profile! I am the girl...that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, a nerd, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl who has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with magic, who can express herself better with words than without words, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and Paste this onto your account if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone. Copy and paste this on to your profile if you are obsessed with TKC/PJO/HoO and know what that means Copy and paste this onto your profile if you are going to march right down to San Antonio and yell at Rick Riordan if Zarter doesn't get together in the next book. 92 percent American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others. If you've ever pushed on a door marked pull or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're the kind of person who laughs at something that happened the day before, copy and paste this into your profile If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile If you still have to think 'righty tighty, left loosy' when opening, well, anything, copy this into your profile. When standing next to me, don't ask, "Who's the crazy one here." 10 out of 10 times, it's me. When standing next to me, don't ask, "What's wrong with you?" You'll get a PowerPoint Presentation. When standing next to me, don't ask, "Who are you talking to?" 9 out of 10 times, I'm talking to myself. When standing next to me, don't ask me a question. I'll start spacing out and come up with something completely random. When standing next to me, don't ask what I've been doing. 8 out of 10 times I'll glare at you and say, "Why, what have you heard?" When standing next to me, don't ask me how my day went. I'll either start screaming about how horrible or wonderful it was. There's no in between. When standing next to me, don't ask to borrow something. Most times, I'll start looking for one, then get distracted by something else and end up telling you a story that's hilarious to me but makes no sense to you. When standing next to me, don't ask, "Read any good books lately?" You'll be dragged to a library while I give a synopsis of every book in the place. Copy and paste this if it applies to you! In memory of... ...Luke Castellan, who died to save Olympus and will always be remembered as a hero ...Zoe Nightshade, who went on a quest knowing very well that she would die ...Bianca di Angelo, who sacrificed herself to save her friends ...Daedalus, who died to prevent Luke's army from using the Labyrinth ...Silena Beauregard, who proved beauty could be heroic ...Charles Beckendorf, who let himself die for the sake of a mission's success ...Everyone else who died in the Titan War Pledge to the Gods: I promise to remember Ares each time I hear of World War II And I promise to remember Athena Whenever I hear of a loom I promise to use the Internet, for Hermes' sake of course And I promise to remember Poseidon Whenever I ride a horse I promise to remember Zeus whenever lightning fills the sky And I promise to remember Hera Every time a guy makes a girl cry I promise to remember Aphrodite Whenever I see a girdle made of gold And I promise to remember Apollo when the sun is very bold I promise to remember Artemis when the moon shines in the night And I promise to remember Hades when something gives me a fright I promise to remember Demeter whenever a daughter moves away And I promise to remember Hephaestus when someone never gets their way I promise to remember Dionysus When I am at a party And I promise to remember Hestia when someone’s smile is very hearty Yes I promise to love The Gods Wherever I may go So that all may see my obsession because I know what the Olympians know! Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever written stuff on your car windows when they're covered in condensation, copy this to your profile If you wish that a fictional character were real, copy and paste this to your profile. If you daydream about your fictional characters and plot lines in class, copy and paste this onto your profile You Know You're a Book Addict If: You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on. (Absolutely!) Read the book until 4 A.M., and then get back up at 7 to continue reading. (Yes) You write fan fictions about the book. (Of course.) You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else) to read your favorite books. (100% YOU NEED TO READ THE 39 CLUES, PERCY JACKSON, HEROES OF OLYMPUS, AND SISTERS GRIMM SERIES!!!!!) You accidentally call everyone by the character's names. (Not out loud) Everything reminds you of the book. (Totally) You quote random lines all the time. (Yes) You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. (All the Time!!!!!!) You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class. (I need Annabeth's baseball cap in math class!!!!) You have pictures of your favorite characters on your phone. (And on my computer) You've got a book memorized. (Mostly) You've read most of the books that you own at least five times. (Totally) You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days. (Of course I have) You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like. (YES!!!!! Beckendorf was awesome!!!) You've plotted to murder a character and steal her boyfriend. (No. Of course not...why would you think that?...pfft...) You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional. (Yes!) You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional. (ALWAYS!!!) I am a book addict and proud of it!!! If you are one too, copy and paste this on your profile. Things that are in bold apply to me YOUR GUY SIDE: (x) You love hoodies (x) You love jeans (x) Dogs are better than cats (x) It’s hilarious when people get hurt (After I ask if they are okay) (x) You've played with/against boys on a team. Shopping is torture. (x) Sad movies suck You own/ed an X-Box. (x) Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid (x) At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter. You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega. You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers (x) You watch sports on TV Gory movies are cool (x) You go to your dad for advice (x)You own like a trillion baseball caps. (But none are like Annabeth's ...sigh...) (x) You like going to high school football games. (x) You used to/do collect football/baseball cards. (x) Baggy pants are cool to wear It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. (x) Green, black, red, blue, or silver is one of your favorite colors (x) You love to go crazy and not care what people think (x) Sports are fun Talk with food in your mouth. Sleep with your socks on at night TOTAL: 17 (and I’m a girl...) YOUR GIRL SIDE: Cats are better than dogs. (x) You wear lip gloss/chapstick. (Only chapstick. The idea of putting glop on my face just doesn't appeal to Me. No offense intended!) You love to shop You wear eyeliner. You wear the color pink. (x) Go to your mom for advice. (x) You consider cheerleading a sport. (Have you ever seen real cheerleaders? If what they do isn't a total work out, nothing is!!!) You hate wearing the color black (I own a lot of black) You like hanging out at the mall. You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. (x) You like wearing jewelry (only bracelets and my necklace) Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe. (I don't think I own a skirt...) Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies. You don't like the movie Star Wars. (x) You were in gymnastics/dance. (Dance is my LIFE!! It better be, I’ve been doing it for about 9 years...) It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. (I don't wear make-up...) You smile a lot more than you should (x) You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. (Soccer cleats, converse, boots, and a bunch of others) (x) You care about what you look like. (Only cause if I look like a slob, who is going to trust or believe me?) You like wearing dresses when you can. You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne. (They make me nauseous) (x) You love the movies. Used to play with dolls as little kid (bought a Barbie from my friend's little sis once, dyed it's hair blue and chopped half of it off, then sold it back to her. she was like, AWESOME!! Does that count?) (x) Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it (JOKE!! made my BFF look like one of those blue people from avatar) Like being the star of every thing Total: 10 (should I be concerned?) You are a... CHILD OF ZEUS You like being in charge. You often wish you could just zap someone with a thunderbolt. You were voted Class President. You do what’s best for everyone. You think you have what it takes to run for President. You think every problem has a solution. You love showing off. You like plane rides You are hydrophobiac 5/10 CHILD OF POSEIDON You feel at home in the water. Your favorite vacation place is at the beach. You enjoy snorkeling, scuba diving, surfing, etc. You want to do something about the marine species being abused today. You visit the local pool on a regular basis. You swim professionally. You hate seafood. You never get seasick. You’d rather ride a boat than a plane. You are acrophobiac 5/10 CHILD OF HADES You’re not that much of a people person. You like staying in the dark and writing. You experience bad moods on a regular basis. You like listening to loud, angry music. You spend most of your time alone. You think parties are sometimes loud and annoying. You like to keep to yourself. All your closets are padlocked (or you wish they could be) You write in diary/journal/blog. You feel most active at night. 3/10 CHILD OF DEMETER You own a garden. You like the great outdoors. You have a green thumb. You’re an environmentalist. You have a special connection with animals. You’re a vegetarian. You like going hiking, camping, and looking at the natural wonders of the world. You always check a product if it’s environmentally friendly. You love going to flower shops. You think global warming is a threat that must be dealt with. 5/10 CHILD OF ARES You often start fights. You’re a very aggressive type of person. You like watching wrestling. You’re competitive. You like reading about war. You don’t take crap from anybody. You have anger management. You never back away from a fight. Everyone does what you say. You don’t always think before you do something. 2/10 CHILD OF ATHENA You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge. You’re probably the only person who visits the library on a regular basis. Half of your Christmas presents last year were books. You like reading about war, mostly about the reasons and controversies behind it. You’re the valedictorian in your class. You’ve never gotten a grade below 80 in your report card. You get political jokes without asking people to explain them. You think it would be better if you were the President. You have a huge shelf of books at home. You think vinyl pocket protectors are useful. (What? They were invented for a reason!) 10/10 (hmmmm...) :-D CHILD OF APOLLO You’re very creative and artistic. You like listening to all kinds of music in general. You always feel sunny and optimistic. You are talented at drawing. (Are you kidding? I once drew a bunny in art class and the teacher was like, "nice tree") You like writing poetry. You can play at least 3 musical instruments. You like going to art museums. You almost always win 1st Place in Art Contests. You have straight A's in Art on your report card. (At least at my school, it isn't that hard to ace art if you aren't trouble in class) Your school notebook has more doodles than notes. 5/10 HUNTER OF ARTEMIS You dislike boys in general. A deer is one of your favorite animals You can shoot targets You like silver. You like the moon better than the sun Zoe Nightshade is awesome You love wild animals You spend most of your time outdoors. You love to move around the place Hunting is not cruel, if it's to hunt down monsters 9/10 CHILD OF HEPHAESTUS You have a way with tools. You build awesome things during your free time. You’re the best at Woodshop in your class. Metalworking is your forte. You have your own toolbox. You often search the Internet to look for pictures of robots. You’re a techie. You often have carpentry projects. You dream of being a carpenter. You aren’t afraid of fire. 2/10 CHILD OF APHRODITE Every guy/girl swoons for you. You like putting on makeup. You naturally smell good. You never experience a bad hair day. Your favorite activity is clothes shopping. You’re always at the front of every trend. You’re the popular girl/guy at your school. You’re often invited to parties. Your motto is ‘It’s never a party without me.” You look at yourself in the mirror on a regular basis. 0/10 (Aphrodite Cabin here I come! NOT) CHILD OF HERMES You like pickpocketing your friends. You’re a prankster. You’re a speed demon. You consider yourself restless. You’re the best speaker in the class. You like thinking on your feet and using your wits. You’re inventive and resourceful. You often start arguments. (And I win 'em, too!!) You’ve never lost a debate. You like making witty and sarcastic statements. 7/10 CHILD OF DIONYSUS You’re the life of the party. You like wine. You’ve probably tasted every alcoholic drink out there. You can finish a martini in less than a minute. You have a happy, cheerful disposition. You’re a foodie. You like going to social events and mingling with people. You like trying out new food. You feel that you’re abundant in life. You think that too much of anything is bad. 2/10 If you can read this, you are awesome: I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! Only in America... 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance 2. Only in America...are there handicap-parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering God Bless 'Merica Have you ever wondered: Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin... Why you don't ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Why 'abbreviated' is such a long word? Why doctors call what they do 'practice'? Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavoring, but dish-washing liquid made with real lemons? Why the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? If you're weird, then you're normal. If you're normal, then you're weird. You Might Be An Author If... 1. Every time you hear a song, you think of a new story or one you've already written. 2. You have the last chapters of a story done before even thinking of the characters names. 3. You often imagine your books becoming movies. 4. Spell check is your best friend. 5. You give even the smallest of characters a huge background. 6. You hesitate before killing of one of your favorite characters. 7. You smile really big when you're going to finally write a character love scene. 8. Every time you read something, you make your own story of the same thing. 9. You'll spend an hour trying to find one word cause you won't dare use a synonym. 10. Not being able to write is like not being able to pee to you... you just can't hold it in for so long. 11. You write so fast, you leave out words in a sentence. 12. You have to tell at least one person your whole story before it's even written. 13. Things that are written bad annoy you and make you want to re-write it better. 14. You laugh at jokes you wrote yourself. 15. You can spell words like 'troublesome' but can't spell 'the' half the time. 16. If you’re not writing or typing, your fingers are moving constantly. 17. You talk to yourself... constantly. 18. You forget what day it is when your writing. 19. When you have to write some sort of story in class, you get carried away. 20. You hate using words like 'good' or 'nice' and etc. 21. You put off the last chapter of a story simply because you don't want it to end. 22. You start to cry when writing about a death or other depressing event you knew was coming, and you are the one writing it. 23. When on a roll, you will ignore hunger, sleepiness, or the urge to pee until you run out of ideas. 24. If a story, movie, show, etc. finishes without closure, you have a powerful need to write a suitable ending. 25. You like to fidget, tap, or chew on the tip of something when you are trying to come up with a new sentence, paragraph, chapter, or story. 26. You are in love with the Thesaurus. 27. You dream about your stories. 28. You dream of new stories. 29. You often revisit some of your old stories. 30. Someone can call your name twenty times without you hearing if you're writing. WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE ON AN ELEVATOR 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask, "Got enough air in there?" 2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY, "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons. 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift. 20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers. 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it. |
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