Everything You Never Wanted to Know

- I am defiantly NOT a Hermione/Draco shipper. I fully support Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny.

- Yet I'm writing Hermione/Draco fan fictions...my reasons for this are too long and boring to put on here. Let it suffice to say that I am a bushy-haired bookworm, and I know a guy who is an arrogant asshole with blue eyes and blonde hair. This guy also happens to be a very close friend of mine.

- Yes, we are just FRIENDS. And we aren't wizards, and we don't go to Hogwarts, and even if we did, he says he would be better at magic than me (as if). In any case, the similarities to Draco and Hermione end with the point above.

- I have never smoked, I have never gotten high...but I'm addicted to internet.

- I fully believe that Dumbledore is in fact DEAD. Just for all of those who still cling to the it-was-all-faked story. I give you points for extreme imagination and the ability to keep hoping.

- Severus Snape/Hermione Granger. Am I the only one who finds a guy with greasy hair and a girl young enough to be his daughter together GROSS?

- I write millions of things besides fan fiction, but I hoard all the really good stuff away. Too bad for you.

- My toilet wants to be a singer. That's why he gurgles. Sometimes I sing along.

- I laugh at really stupid, random things, but I also get really witty, sophisticated jokes most of the times. My humour spectrum is rather vast.

- I like the smell of minty toothpaste. It is a weird obsession.

What You Didn't Want to Know...But Need To Read Anyway

This is just a little note to all of you:

Hrmine got up and put on somme of those sparklie pink shose and a miniskrt and then makeup she couldn't belive she was staying at malfoy manor just then draco malfoy walkes in with no shirt just boxrs she blushd and he said "you look so hott herminie" and before she knew she was puled in a passionayte kiss shes a grete kiser thout draco before tey were on the bed...

If you write like this, I highly recommend you insert punctuation, use spell check, and get a life. Enough said.

Good Sex Scenes: There is development, a reason. It does not just happen because the author decides that to get more reviews, he/she should insert some porn. It also describes the emotions, rather than only a detailed description of the physical part of sex.

Bad Sex Scenes: Hermione is suddenly turned into a slut who throws herself at Draco because he's oh-so hot. She sleeps with Harry, she sleeps with Ron, she sleeps with Seamus Finnigan, she sleeps with Neville Longbottom, she sleeps with Draco, all in the same week. We get to find out every little dirty detail.

The most clichéd phrase in Draco/Hermione fanfictions: "Damn, the mudblood looks hot...oh my god, I did NOT just think that."