SigningOffhide bio
 Poll: Who is the best Bella's ever had? Vote Now! |
 Author has written 9 stories for Twilight. It's been years since I've written a fanfiction, and quite honestly I don't write very often anymore. College life gets hard, yo. And looking back at these stories I've written in my angsty and overly horny teenage years is something quite cringe-worthy, and I was coming to take them down. But! I see some people still enjoy them. And who am I to take that away? So, continue to revel in what is probably a guilty pleasure of erotic fanfiction. I'm taking my name off of them. But you, yes, YOU, you enjoy it to its fullest extent! And don't let nobody make you feel ashamed for liking Twilight, and for liking even dirtier Twilight. You do you, booboo. Lots of love. |
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .
Experimentation by simplesongsnsilence reviews
Bella's feeling self conscious. Edward tries to reassure her. Things get way out of hand. Bella and Edward get to know each other a little better before the wedding, in preparation for the honeymoon.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 79,999 - Reviews: 369 - Favs: 384 - Follows: 331 - Updated: 5/16/2011 - Published: 10/11/2009 - Edward, Bella
Say It Out Loud by karmapolice28 reviews
What if Bella was any other hormonal teenager?What if Edward wasn't so oblivious to his hotness?What if you read this story!then you would totally call it a juicy lemon by chapter 2!smut smut smutty smutty smut!lol cause that's how i roll.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 14,790 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 9/23/2010 - Published: 3/26/2009 - Edward, Bella
Evacuation of the Flumpawumps by Lineape reviews
Harry awakes to quite the surprise when he finds Luna trying to remove the Flumpawumps from him, through her mouth, via his... other wand... HarryxLuna. Crack, especially later on! Omakes eight through ten up.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 13,051 - Reviews: 358 - Favs: 1,253 - Follows: 610 - Updated: 8/1/2010 - Published: 1/6/2010 - Harry P., Luna L. - Complete
Virgin Revelry by Lomonaaeren reviews
AU. HPDM slash. Harry discovers that he can banish Voldemort, and it will only involve swearing to be a virgin for the rest of his life! After he swears the vow and it works, along comes Malfoy to reveal a tiny little complication. Threeshot. COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 28,487 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 535 - Follows: 70 - Published: 1/23/2010 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
Friction is Awesome by booboo.kitty2.0 reviews
A little different, slightly more amusing... and unedited... look at the infamous leg hitch scene…sort of.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,103 - Reviews: 131 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 131 - Published: 1/7/2010 - Bella, Edward
Edward and Bella: Love and Lust by avioleta reviews
A mature spin on Twilight. Edward must work to keep Bella safe in his world while they both deal with the everyday drama of high school life. This is the Twilight you wanted to read. E/B, HET, Rated M.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 35 - Words: 127,238 - Reviews: 1892 - Favs: 2,180 - Follows: 967 - Updated: 1/3/2010 - Published: 2/7/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Summer at the Dursely's by thelivinggirl reviews
Harry has to spend his last summer before he turns seventeen at the Dursely's, and his boyfriend Draco isn't about to let him go alone. READER TAKE NOTE: This fic deals with explicit M/M sex, as well as swearing. And it's fluff/flangst.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,506 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 47 - Published: 10/26/2009 - Harry P., Draco M.
If the Office Is a Rocking by cassieerin reviews
Severus Snape is exposed to an experience he's willing to escape by ANY means.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 634 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Published: 9/24/2009 - Draco M., Harry P.
This Kind of Woman by belladonna803 reviews
Hermione had never been a fussy, frilly kind of girl. But she found as she stared up into his eyes and saw him looking back at her with such wonderment and desire, she found that she could absolutely be this woman. A Ron/Hermione first time fic.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,875 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 159 - Follows: 18 - Published: 9/3/2009 - Ron W., Hermione G. - Complete
Life by AprilMeeha reviews
*All Human* In New York, the guys move into a new apartment, just trying to find themselves. Instead they find the girls who help them do that. Love, music, laughter, tears. Sometimes life throws you a curve you never imagined possible. M for later.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 53 - Words: 117,990 - Reviews: 270 - Favs: 245 - Follows: 133 - Updated: 9/2/2009 - Published: 1/17/2009 - Complete
Harry Potter and the Overdone Plotline by ellemennop reviews
American exchange students. Truth or dare. Sudden personality changes. Outrageous lemons. Author insertion. Two-dimensional OCs. Slash. Funfetti. A complete disregard for everything canon. All the Marauder cliches, plus as dash of insanity.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,693 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 8/27/2009 - Published: 6/22/2009 - James P., Lily Evans P.
I'm On a Boat! by Fairqueen2 reviews
Fred and George are in a prank rut. A little song by The Lonely Island might be able to help end it. Rated M for continuous use of the f word in the song lyrics and just to be safe. Other wise it would be rated T.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,425 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 5 - Published: 8/27/2009 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
Pride and Prejudice and WHAT! by BlackHawk13 reviews
Hermione loves "Pride and Prejudice" and she wants Ron to love it, too. It takes 8 years, but he finally comes around to reading it...sort of.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,498 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/16/2009 - Ron W., Hermione G. - Complete
Downstairs by Kitty Cullen-03 reviews
Bella thinks she's alone in the house. She was wrong. A mildly lemony one-shot for my favorite fans!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,234 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 138 - Follows: 36 - Published: 8/13/2009 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
Hogwarts: A Hedonistic History by dracosoftie reviews
Harry and Draco write their own version of Hogwarts: A History, detailing their quest to christen as many rooms in the castle as possible. A silly, smutty slash adventure. Warnings for slash, explicit sexual content and language. H/D multiple pairings
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 58,703 - Reviews: 503 - Favs: 719 - Follows: 271 - Updated: 8/4/2009 - Published: 11/12/2008 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Banishment by Cheryl Dyson reviews
Auror-in-Training Harry crosses Pansy Parkinson, who gets revenge in a rather embarrassing fashion. Luckily, Draco decides to rescue him. MATURE CONTENT WARNING ETC
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,183 - Reviews: 172 - Favs: 1,043 - Follows: 119 - Published: 7/10/2009 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
The Positive Effects of Porn by Digitallace reviews
Drarry - Twoshot After years filled with failed relationships, a bit of porn and some friendly encouragement help Harry to discover who he really wants. Warnings for slash and explicit content.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 9,671 - Reviews: 162 - Favs: 635 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 6/17/2009 - Published: 6/16/2009 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
The Official Twilight SmutVent Calendar 2008 by BritishBitches reviews
25 days of smut! The best smut authors on FanFic have come together to create the ultimate advent calendar! Each day leading up to Christmas we will be posting a new chapter, each written by a guest author! Lot's of lemons! Enjoy! x Outtakes now posted!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 137,830 - Reviews: 1125 - Favs: 1,016 - Follows: 692 - Updated: 6/7/2009 - Published: 12/1/2008 - Complete
The Virginity Pact by herinfiniteeyes reviews
For the SMC contest. The girls vow to lose their virginity by prom night. Will they succeed? One-shot. E/B, J/A, Em/R. Lemons. MA for mature. American Pie-Twilight crossover.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 9,711 - Reviews: 195 - Favs: 381 - Follows: 179 - Updated: 6/1/2009 - Published: 1/6/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Drabble a Day by C. Adrien Cummings reviews
365 days... 365 drabbles. Somehow, the year is over, and this collection is now complete. I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed this for all your incredible support as this year-long project progressed one day, and one drabble, at a time. THANKS!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 365 - Words: 104,073 - Reviews: 3825 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 5/13/2009 - Published: 5/14/2008 - Complete
Fright Night by lilseli69 reviews
Set during "Breaking Dawn" on Isle Esme after the cleaners have left. Bella has a fantasy...Can Edward really give her everything she desires? My first fanfiction so please be gentle when reviewing : Rated M for sexual content and adult material!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,219 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 14 - Published: 4/4/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Emmett's Fan Fiction by meclipse reviews
Emmett thinks he can write an M rated story for FF, but has trouble with the wording
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,538 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 8 - Published: 4/3/2009 - Emmett - Complete
Best Friends Don't Keep Secrets from Each Other by MinervaEvenstar reviews
Sirius hasn't told anyone about his sexual preferences or his feelings for Remus, but after he runs away from the Blacks to stay with the Potters will James be able to get the truth out of him? Oneshot from James' perspective. Rated M for language.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,419 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 254 - Follows: 28 - Published: 3/29/2009 - [Sirius B., Remus L.] James P. - Complete
Aftermath by BlackHawk13 reviews
--AFTERMATH universe-- Begins 3 days after the fall of Voldemort in DEATHLY HALLOWS. Mainly RW/HG but also HP/GW.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 42 - Words: 203,903 - Reviews: 786 - Favs: 536 - Follows: 179 - Updated: 1/8/2009 - Published: 8/11/2008 - Ron W., Hermione G. - Complete
25 Ways to Annoy Lord Voldemort by Dufrene Party of Two reviews
The title says it all.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,012 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 12/2/2008 - Published: 5/7/2008 - Voldemort - Complete
The Small Print by faithwood reviews
Draco Malfoy's first mistake was buying the thing. However, his second mistake was even worse. Sixth year AU. Draco's reasons for acting suspicious are a little different. HPDM. HUMOR. COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,285 - Reviews: 221 - Favs: 1,206 - Follows: 124 - Published: 10/22/2008 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
OPPOSITE DAY MADNESS! by vampirelurver979 reviews
You've all played opposite day, right? Yeah, well this is what happens when Emmett decides to play it. All Cullens, minus the parents, are completely opposite. Quite funny, if I do say so myself. M for language.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 11,579 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 10/20/2008 - Published: 4/5/2008
The Grim Fairy Tales by RhiannonKelley reviews
Draco and Hermione have upset the enchantress of the forbidden forest. Now they have to act through some of the worlds most popular fairy tales... the versions that are NOT for kids.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 24,161 - Reviews: 203 - Favs: 157 - Follows: 233 - Updated: 10/14/2008 - Published: 11/22/2006 - Draco M., Hermione G.
What is Slash? by clarex-ama reviews
Harry and Draco discover the world of Drarry slash by accidence... mwahaha... Okay, this may seem silly and it is but I like the idea of Harry and Draco reading Drarry slash together, so shoot me…
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,061 - Reviews: 200 - Favs: 943 - Follows: 120 - Published: 9/22/2008 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Slytherins Are Perverts, What About Gryffindors? by faithwood reviews
Gryffindors discuss Draco Malfoy's sex life. Humour. SLASH. HPDM. ONESHOT.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,083 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 769 - Follows: 95 - Published: 9/6/2008 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Presumption by homeric reviews
You really shouldn't evesdrop if you aren't willing to take the consequences. Harry, Sirius/Remus
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,363 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 5 - Published: 9/2/2008 - Harry P., Sirius B. - Complete
Sex And Vampires by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
The summary is NOT fanfiction appropriate. You'll have to read it in the first chapter. This is the long awaited replacement for When Life Gives You Lemons - not a sequel or a rewrite. BXE Filled with lemony goodness and a plot. Complete.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 32,605 - Reviews: 1668 - Favs: 1,372 - Follows: 853 - Updated: 8/9/2008 - Published: 6/5/2008 - Bella, Edward
Yes, Please by Coquettishness reviews
COMPLETE. One-shot. While out of town, Bella devises a way to finally seduce the ever virtuous Edward – with a little help from an unexpected source.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,361 - Reviews: 471 - Favs: 1,530 - Follows: 245 - Published: 7/29/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
When Life Gives You Lemons by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Emmett makes a bet with Bella. She has to teach Edward a new position every day until their wedding, which is in two weeks. BXE Every chapter has a lemon. COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 26,649 - Reviews: 1847 - Favs: 1,998 - Follows: 807 - Updated: 7/17/2008 - Published: 5/11/2008
Cars by sambeam reviews
Bella and Edward go for a drive. One shot. Lemon.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,241 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 169 - Follows: 36 - Published: 6/25/2008 - Complete
Taking Matters Into His Own Hands by Rosette-Cullen reviews
The night after Bella throws herself onto Edward, he can't stop thinking about her. After hours of debating with himself, he procedes to do something that would be frowned upon from his time era. ExE Lemony goodness.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,820 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 20 - Published: 6/7/2008 - Complete
Closer by Amethyst Jackson reviews
AU version of the end of Eclipse – when Edward and Bella go to their meadow, Bella decides to take Edward up on his offer.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,219 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 566 - Follows: 122 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Complete
Emmett and Tampons ! by Katxo reviews
Title pretty much says it all It's Bella's time of the month and she is staying with the Cullen's. Emmett is sent to the drug store to pick up some stuff... See what kind of trouble he gets himself into with tampons ... and pads! REVIEW! xxONESHOT!xx
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,616 - Reviews: 206 - Favs: 193 - Follows: 44 - Published: 3/27/2008 - Complete
Break in the Madness by Ranma15177 reviews
Sometime before Escaping Sol Jasper and Alice were in an interesting situation in a bathroom that belonged to someone else. This is that story. JasperXAlice Smexyness abounds! This is lemony fresh and just in time for Lolly's b-day.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,559 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 8 - Published: 3/1/2008 - Complete
Practicing by nothingleft reviews
Bella convinces Edward they should 'practice' their self control before they get married. What effect will this have on them and the other members of their family? Funny, Fluffy, and, eventually, a little lemony. Sequel to The Talk, but stands alone.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 50,382 - Reviews: 1361 - Favs: 1,084 - Follows: 448 - Updated: 1/24/2008 - Published: 12/31/2007 - Complete
Dancing with Dumbledore by dumbledores beard reviews
Lots of fun with HP characters. Includes Snape breakdancing. REVIEW!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 47,087 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1/5/2008 - Published: 11/26/2003
The Best Gift by Moldy Voldy reviews
What Ginny REALLY wanted to give Harry for his seventeenth... Vey much rated M for a reason.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,188 - Reviews: 227 - Favs: 299 - Follows: 39 - Published: 8/11/2007 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Six Foot Of Ginger Idiot by Pinky Brown reviews
Or, Ron Weasley's Year Six Diary: the whole of Half-Blood Prince from Ron's point of view. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want to shake him. Winner of "Best Humour Fic" at the 2008 Reviewer's Choice Awards on FFnet.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 126,584 - Reviews: 879 - Favs: 989 - Follows: 171 - Updated: 7/6/2007 - Published: 7/5/2007 - Ron W., Hermione G. - Complete
Out for Ice Cream by Moiraine Lendreth reviews
While out shopping in Diagon Alley, Draco accidentally discovers that Harry Potter has a quirky way of eating ice cream. Warning: slash content. Disclaimer: All HP characters, places, and related indicia are © JK Rowling.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,364 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 156 - Follows: 25 - Published: 6/29/2007 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Just a Movie and Dessert by Keya127 reviews
Part two of There's Nothing Wrong with Romance, and the first part of Harry's date with Draco.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,461 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 6 - Published: 6/28/2007 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Life is Really A Game! by Madam Narcissa Malfoy reviews
Somehow the world changed to a board game and the characters are playing LIFE! This contains pairings and lemons, so careful!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,325 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 12/26/2006 - Published: 11/22/2006 - Cho C., Harry P.
The Birds and the Bees by quickquill2000 reviews
Ron gets asked the Ultimate Question by his daughter.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 540 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/4/2005 - Ron W., Hermione G. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .
Bad Timing reviews
After waking up beside Edward, Bella realizes she's in love. Good, right? Yeah, except he already has a girlfriend. That's the bad part. Bella really has a knack for bad timing. AH, AU, Lemons, Language!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 16,511 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 11/21/2010 - Published: 7/7/2010 - Bella, Edward
Best I Ever Had reviews
Bella knows that sometimes your heart overpowers reason, or even knows what is best. Which is her situation? Rated M.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,577 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/6/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Collection of Lemony Events reviews
Just what the doctor ordered! If that doctor were Dr. Ruth. Or if you suffered from nymphomania. Or some other similar sexy disorder. All are rated M for lemony goodness.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,383 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 6/29/2009 - Published: 5/12/2009 - Bella, Edward
PDA: It's Better if You Don't reviews
Rule number one: Public Displays of Affection are strictly taboo. Rule number two: Ignore rule number one. Arrgh! I spy lemons ahead!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,056 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 12 - Published: 3/29/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
You Can't Stop The Beat reviews
Jacob tries to cheer Bella up. A Bella and Jacob story. Lemons ahead, but not in all chapters.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,319 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 3/6/2009 - Published: 2/2/2009 - Bella, Jacob
A New York Minute reviews
It's burning up outside and Bella and Edward hardly ever get to see each other. So what happens when they get exactly 22 minutes alone? McLemon Lemon!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,195 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 5 - Published: 12/5/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Temptation and Jack Daniel's reviews
Bella has had one, scratch that, way to many shots of alcohol. What does Jacob do about it? Bella/Jacob OOC initially because Bella wouldn't drink if she was in character.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,483 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/13/2008 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
A Birthday Surprise for Edward reviews
It's Edward's birthday, and Bella manages to make Edward do something nobody else has made Edward do. Mature for compromising situations and innuendo
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,044 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 7 - Published: 10/4/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Eye of the Storm reviews
Bella hates being told what to do, and tells Edward so. She goes all chickified ninja on his tail! Warning, Lemony McLemonLemon. A couple curse words. Sliiight OOC. Reviews are love!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,424 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 8 - Published: 7/18/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete