Bonjour!

Name: Tao Master Waka, or Jason. Yes, my name is Jason.

Age: 400, or 16

Gender: Male, male

Location: Japan, North America

As you see, I am a 16 year old male in North America pretending to be Waka. I believe that the Okami forum has some stories with a very out of character Waka, or OOC. I believe I can help.

So, believing that I can help, I am armed with my keyboard and determination to fix the wrongs I see. Any reviews I have given have been helpful. If you have received a review from me and are unsatisfied (i.e.- you didn’t like my constructive criticism) that is because what I said rings true and you are angry that I did not like your story.

Quite frankly, this pisses me off. I am trying to be helpful. The reason why I “pick on you” is because nobody else will correct you, or everybody avoids your story because it is of poor quality. Or, because some people don’t mind reading something of poor quality.

So please, think before you respond. If you ponder over what I have said, you may see something.

I will not, absolutely NOT read Waka/Ammy. It is a personal preference. I do not support the pairing, therefore I will not read it. I cannot see Waka and Ammy as anything more than friends.

Je suis désolé. I digress...

Before I go into complete “Waka mode” I shall inform you of what to expect next. Sometime after Waka’s introduction, there will be an RP. It is an example of all poorly made FanFiction mistakes I have seen smashed into one, small role play. I warn you, it is not a pretty thing.

(Coming Soon)

I shall state what this profile contains henceforth:

Tips for Good Writing

Tips for Waka Writing

Both shall have brief explanations of the essence of what they contain.

I am working on that, so please have patience.

This was written by two Okami fans who have agreed to help me. It is by no means what they normally do, and they both have admitted that it was quite fun. I have included how they decided to begin.

Green: the setting is in sei-an and mary just got robbed and waka saved her from being raped, even though shes been raped like 5 times already!

Green: oh and shes an only child!

Kai: OMFGXD you're waaaaay sarcastic XDXD

Green: oh and she was beaten by her foster parents and her foster father wants to kill her because she wont fuck him!

Kai: Okay, srsly

Green: I is sorry

Kai: You are better be! Because Mary has super powers!

Green: LMAO!!

Green: you start it

Kai: Umm how about a pansy Waka fall immediately in love with her?

Green: after he saves her from her horrible family, but then she saves them both with her super powers from an imp who was going to kill them

Kai: Mary wuz crying, her father had beat her again and set her up in an arranged marrigae. She was like totally beautiful. She was blonde with blue eyes and a large bust, although her back never hurt. She had wulf ears and a long, beautiful wulf tale. She was wearing a pink kimono. She was under a sakura tree. (AN that’s a cherry tree for all u n00bs out there!)

Green: “why r u crying” a deep, hansom voice asked.

Kai: “oh my gosh, my dad beat me up again for no reason! And now I’m in a arranged marrigae!” she cried harder.

Green: “oh you poor thing, let me helps you.” said the hansom dude, sitting next to her with a worried face.

Kai: Mary looked up from her beautiful lap. She was thin and tall and athletic. She saw a man wearing a pink shirt and purple pants and high heels and an eagle thingie. “I’m Mary Higurashiakanada.” she said, snifflinf, her face was beaitulgul from her puffy pink eyes.

Green: “im waka. Its nice 2 meat u, mary. Ur beautiful. I don’t know hoe any1 could ever lay a hand on you, your so beautiful.”

Kai: “oh my gosh, you are beautiful to. Let’s go kill my father!” mary said, waka was beautiful.

Green: “ I wont let him touch you ever again.” he promised with concern in his handom voice. “I’ll cut whoever would dare hurt you with pillow talk, my sword.”

Kai: “Ur so nice.” she hugged waka. “okay, elt’s go!” she ran into her house and took out her sword from her waist which she carries arounf just in cade.

Green: “are you marys father?” waka asked a drunk fat, old man. The man burped, “who the hell are you?” “im waka, the tao master, and I wont let you hurt this beautiful girl any more!”

Kai: “I hate u!” mary screamed and cut her father in half. “I’m really strong although I never took martial arts or learned how to fight!” she said.

Green: “you are better, your better then me, and ive been training all my life!”

Kai: “oh no, ur good to.” she smiled even though her father was dead. Imps soundly came int her house and started attacking!\

Green: “don’t worry, ill protect you!” waka cried as he swung at a green imp but missed. The imp farted in his beautiful face and the gas blinded him, “oh no, im blinded!” waka screamed! And then he dropped his sword, because he was too busy rubbing his eyes! He was vulnerable now!!1!

Kai: "I'll save u!!" marie yelled. Suddenly, she turned into a wulf! She was white with blue eyes. She jumped at one of the imps. KA-POW!! he went flying."R u ok?" she asked Wka

Green: "U saved my life." wAka said in aw. "you sent him flying!!" waka stiod up and brushed his cllothes. "dont do that again, tho, i dont think i could stand it if you got hurt." he started to cry. "i dont think i culd life w/o you!"

Kai: "OMG, dont b so overprotciv fo me!" mary sai. an imp umped at waka!! the imp took his wig off, he had beaufil blonde hair, just like her. she hit the imp and sent him flying. She ran her hadn thru his hair.

Green: "maybe you should protect me," waka giggled. "listen mary, i dont care if ur a wulf. aishiteru ((AN: that means i luv u!!)) Mary. i want you to marry me, mary me and bear my children. please, you would make me the happiset man evr" ((AN: in my storie, waka has a thing for wulves, NOT AMATEARSU! Just my OC))

Kai: 'okai!" she jumped on him and started doing it.

And they lived happily ever after, the end.

The two did over exaggerate a little, but they did a good job mixing up a lot of the problems I’ve seen in FanFiction into this little segment. And they are:

•Grammar (punctuation)

•Spelling

And the big one:

•Mary Sue

Now I shall post each section of the RP and point out the mistakes.

I shall number some of the lesser problems because it is much too tedious to type everything.

--(1) Lack of description.

--(2) Spelling

--(3) Grammar

--(4) Awkward sentence structure.

Kai: Mary wuz crying, her father had beat her again and set her up in an arranged marrigae. She was like totally beautiful. She was blonde with blue eyes and a large bust, although her back never hurt. She had wulf ears and a long, beautiful wulf tale. She was wearing a pink kimono. She was under a sakura tree. (AN that’s a cherry tree for all u n00bs out there!)

--The setting of Okami is feudal Japan. Thus, there will not be English names in this Japanese setting. Common physical traits of the Japanese are brown eyes and black hair. Acceptable hair color: dark brown, brown. Waka is the only exception, for he is not human.

--(1), (2), (3) and (4).

--In FanFiction, anywhere you go, you are not allowed to use shortened text like this. It is a complete disregard to the English language. It is butchering and insulting to the language.

--Mary-Sues are absolutely gorgeous. They also tend to have tragic pasts and are sometimes half-human monsters that are accepted by the canons.

--Ans inserted into the story ridiculous. They belong at the beginning or end. They also disrupt the flow of the story.

--((u n00bs)) Insulting the readers is not a good way to get them to review. Also, adding Japanese into the stories (I.E- ano, hai, iie) is becoming more frequent and annoying.

Green: “why r u crying” a deep, hansom voice asked.

--(2), (3)

--A voice cannot be handsome.

Kai: “oh my gosh, my dad beat me up again for no reason! And now I’m in a arranged marrigae!” she cried harder.

--(2), (3)

Green: “oh you poor thing, let me helps you.” said the hansom dude, sitting next to her with a worried face.

--(2), (3)

--One cannot have a worried face. A worried look on the face perhaps.

--“Dude” is unacceptable in Okami. Slang such as “dude” “hillbillies” and “sweet” would not exist in Okami. They have different slang.

Kai: Mary looked up from her beautiful lap. She was thin and tall and athletic. She saw a man wearing a pink shirt and purple pants and high heels and an eagle thingie. “I’m Mary Higurashiakanada.” she said, snifflinf, her face was beaitulgul from her puffy pink eyes.

--(2),(3)

--Mary-Sues tend to have last or first names from other shows, or they have extremely difficult names.

--They also tend to be beautiful when covered in blood, or when they have been crying, or other extreme situations were other people would be unsightly.

--Waka does not wear high heels and an “eagle thingie.” The best way to write about his physical appearance is to describe what he is wearing rather than make fun of him.

Green: “im waka. Its nice 2 meat u, mary. Ur beautiful. I don’t know hoe any1 could ever lay a hand on you, your so beautiful.”

--(2), (3)

--This is absolute: you must capitalize the characters’ names.

--Waka would never instantly fall for someone.

Kai: “oh my gosh, you are beautiful to. Let’s go kill my father!” mary said, waka was beautiful.

--(1), (2), (3), (4)

Green: “ I wont let him touch you ever again.” he promised with concern in his handom voice. “I’ll cut whoever would dare hurt you with pillow talk, my sword.”

--(2), (3)

--Weapons such as Pillowtalk should be capitalized.

--Waka wouldn’t care so much about a stranger.

Kai: “Ur so nice.” she hugged waka. “okay, elt’s go!” she ran into her house and took out her sword from her waist which she carries arounf just in cade.

--(1), (2), (3), (4)

--No female civilian would carry a sword around “just in case.”

Green: “are you marys father?” waka asked a drunk fat, old man. The man burped, “who the hell are you?” “im waka, the tao master, and I wont let you hurt this beautiful girl any more!”

--(1), (2), (3), (4)

--Every time a person speaks, it should be made into a new paragraph.

Kai: “I hate u!” mary screamed and cut her father in half. “I’m really strong although I never took martial arts or learned how to fight!” she said.

--(1), (2), (3), (4)

--Most times a Mary-sue can overcome her problems only with the help of the canon. Super Mary-sues find the inner strength only with the help of the canon and then they can solve the problem themselves.

Green: “you are better, your better then me, and ive been training all my life!”

--(2), (3)

--Waka has been training for a very long time. No one could be better than him.

Kai: “oh no, ur good to.” she smiled even though her father was dead. Imps soundly came int her house and started attacking!\

--(1), (2), (3), (4)

--Her father is dead and his blood is probably everywhere, yet she is happy.

--She is the object of everyone’s desire, even imps. There is nobody in this world who could command such attention.

Green: “don’t worry, ill protect you!” waka cried as he swung at a green imp but missed. The imp farted in his beautiful face and the gas blinded him, “oh no, im blinded!” waka screamed! And then he dropped his sword, because he was too busy rubbing his eyes! He was vulnerable now!!1!

--(2), (3)

--Waka does not shout. He does not proclaim his intentions.

--He suddenly seems like an amateur swordsman.

Kai: "I'll save u!!" marie yelled. Suddenly, she turned into a wulf! She was white with blue eyes. She jumped at one of the imps. KA-POW!! he went flying."R u ok?" she asked Wka

--(2), (3), (4)

--Canon character and other names should NOT be misspelled.

--Description sounds are not needed.

Green: "U saved my life." wAka said in aw. "you sent him flying!!" waka stiod up and brushed his cllothes. "dont do that again, tho, i dont think i could stand it if you got hurt." he started to cry. "i dont think i culd life w/o you!"

--(2), (3)

--Waka does not cry. He would also never fall in love with someone so quickly.

Kai: "OMG, dont b so overprotciv fo me!" mary sai. an imp umped at waka!! the imp took his wig off, he had beaufil blonde hair, just like her. she hit the imp and sent him flying. She ran her hadn thru his hair.

--(2), (3), (4)

--Waka does not wear a wig. It is more like a veil.

Green: "maybe you should protect me," waka giggled. "listen mary, i dont care if ur a wulf. aishiteru ((AN: that means i luv u!!)) Mary. i want you to marry me, mary me and bear my children. please, you would make me the happiset man evr" ((AN: in my storie, waka has a thing for wulves, NOT AMATEARSU! Just my OC))

--(2), (3)

Kai: 'okai!" she jumped on him and started doing it.

(1), (2), (4)

If anyone would like my judgment on their story, or OC, please feel free to PM me.

I am also going to start an Okami fan club. It will be through yahoo messenger. It is for anyone who is interested in making friends or discussing Okami. So far, I am the only member. If you’d like to join, PM me.

Also, I realize that I am not Waka. I am merely acting in his place as a critic.

Besides Okami, I like:

Naruto

Pokemon

Argento Soma

Avatar (though I have only seen up to book Earth)

House, MD

Fruits Basket (yes I am aware that this is a shoujo...I don't care. I like it)

Inuyasha

Death Note

Harry Potter

Eragon (The Inheritance Cycle)

...and many other things...

But, I am willing to help in any, any of those catagories. I've read all of Furuba and Harry Potter. I've watched most of Inuyasha (missed a few episodes here or there) and House, MD (same). I've watched all of Death Note. Some of Pokemon...some of Argento Soma...some of Eragon...

Anyway, I am quite...knowledgeable in most, if not all catagories.

Do not be afraid to ask for help if you need it. I am not a mean guy. I'm actually quite nice. I love cats and my little sister. I haven't written anything yet, but I may. Who knows...