On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (But, when else will I be able to do my hair?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (Ohhh...see, I thought different soap had different methods of use.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Aww, Damn! Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (I could make a snide remark about that, but I'm pretty tired.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (I'd say that method of ironing works very well.)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (That is correct, we need to stop them five year olds from driving them fancy cars.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Well, isn't that the intention?)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (I had no idea there was an inbetween use.)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (..I have no idea what that means..)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Go figure...I wanted almonds!)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (Good to know.)(Too bad about the other guy who everyone now calls 'Stumpy.')

On plastic wrapping: "Do not put on head...may result in suffociation." (But...suffocation is fun!)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD

If you're one of those people who realizes that a frying pan is actually a sufficient weapon, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If every time you hear the word rum, you automatically think of Captain Jack Sparrow, copy and paste this into your profile!

You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and they're pretty much the same thing.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.

If you think Twilight has more fame than it's worth, copy this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similiar, copy this into your profile.

Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous: You suck.

A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

When in doubt, push random buttons!

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where's my ceiling?"

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

For me, crazy is a VERY LOOSE term. Crazy is when your off in your own little world, and you start to think of something funny that could happen and start laughing, and the people around you turn around and stare at you because you're laughing for no reason. Crazy is also when you start dancing while walking down to your next class to a song you have stuck in your head. If you're crazy lik me, copy this to your profile

150 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

1. I will not poke Hufflepuff’s with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”.
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class
3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not “an extra credit project for Herbology”.
4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.
5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch’s office is not appropriote.
6. I will not go to class skyclad.
7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
8. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write “I told you I was hardcore”.
9. I will stop referring to showering as “giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful”.
10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.
11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm.
12. House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
13. Staring a betting pool on the fate of this years DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.
14. I will not start every potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
15. “Liften Separatis Crotchum” is not a real spell.
16. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.
18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as”bookends”.
19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as “bookends”.
20. I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
21. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts.
23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.
24. I will not place anything by Silver Ravenwolf on the library shelves.
25. Tricking the school house elf into stripping does not mean they are now mine even if I yell “Pwned!”
26. I am not a sloth Animagus.
27. I am not a tribble Aimagus.
28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or a piranha.
29. I do not weigh the same as a duck.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
31. I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
32. I will not lick Trevor.
33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.
34. The Ravenclaws are not “Mentals in training”.
35. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazghul is coincidental.
36. I will not change the password to the prefect’s bath to “Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty”.
37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.
38. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be adressed as “Admiral Naismith”.
39. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” is only funny the first time.
40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.
41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.
42. “42″ is not the answer to every question to the O.W.L.’s.
43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.
44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.
45. I will not offer to prepare tandori owl.
46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make “Love Potion Number Nine”.
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not teach the first-years to sing “A Wizard’s Staff Has A Knob On The End”.
49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.
50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
51. I will not go to meals dressed as Choda Boy.
52. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp.
53. I will not draw an “H” on Percy Weasley’s forehead.
54. My name is not Captain Subtext.
55. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients and I will not resell their products as “Veela Pheremones”.
56. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as a “Big Black Sex Auror”.
57. I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion.
58. Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda.
59. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor.
60. I am no longer allowed to use the words “pimp cane” in front of Draco Malfoy.
61. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I
should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the
result would be.
62. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled “Firewhiskey”.
63. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not
permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes.
64. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
65. A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.
66. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape’s personal postbox.
67. I will stop referring to Hufflepuff’s as “cannon fodder”.
68. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
69. First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.
70. Novelty or holiday themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.
71. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot.
72. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I
will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can be only ONE!”.
73. I should not refer to DADA professors as “canaries in the coal mine”.
74. I will not say the phrase “Dude, get a life.” to Lord Voldemort.
75. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.
76. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth house at Hogwarts.
And I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.
77. I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The Force”.
78. Albus Dumbledore’s proper title is “Headmaster”, not “My Liege”.
79. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death.
80. I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.
81. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
82. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling “It Does
DEATH!!!” may be correct but it is not the manner in which one should
answer.
83. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.
84. I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.
85. Ravenclaw’s do not find a sign saying “The library is closed for and indefinite time period” amusing in any sense.
86. I will not attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class.
87. A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars.
88. I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.
89. I will not charm Hermione’s time turner to rotate every half-hour.
90. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
91. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are “Auror Training Videos”.
92. When being interrogated by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my
hand and announce “These are not the droids you are looking for”.
93. I am not a member of the Spanish Inquisition.
94. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.
95. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
96. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what
happens.
97. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts: A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
98. “OMGWTF” is not a spell.
99. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
100. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
101. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.
102. I will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore, even if it would be amusing.
103. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixie Stix.
104. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive.
105. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals.
106. I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
107. I will not sing The Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.
108. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
109. I will not douse Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak with lemon juice to
see if he will become visible wearing it and standing near the fire in
the common room.
110. I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell.
111. I will not yell “Believe it… or not!” after any of Dumbledore’s speeches.
112. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit.
113. My name is not “The Dark Lord Happy-Pants” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
114. There is no such thing as the Chamber of Double Secret Probation.
115. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps.
116. I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.
117. Voldemort is not Ganandorf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.
118. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy exams.
119. I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of “Knights of the Round Table” for the Christmas feast.
120. I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.
121. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sound with my wand.
122. “Draco Malfoy Takes it Up The Arse” is not an acceptable Quidditch chant.
123. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
124. I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! shirt to school.
125. I am not allowed to reenact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor.
126. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug A Slytherin Day.
127. I am not allowed to introduce myself to the first years as Tim the Enchanter.
128. I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance into any classroom.
129. I will not try and start Naked Thursdays in the Common Room.
130. It is not necessary for me to yell “BAMF!” every time I Apparate.
131. I will not steal Gryffindor’s sword from Dumbledore’s office and use it to patrol the hallways.
132. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
133. I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”.
134. I will not teach the first years to play “The Penis Game” in the Great Hall during dinner.
135. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue.
136. I will not organize a Hogwarts Fight Club.
137. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.
138. I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
139. I will not dress up in a Dementor suit and use a Dustbuster on Harry’s lips to get him to do what I want.
140. I will not start food fights in the Great Hall.
141. I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
142. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an appropriote career choice.
143. I will not sing “We’re off to see the wizard” when sent to the Headmaster’s office.
144. The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.
145. It is not necessary to yell “Burn!” everytime Snape takes points from Gryffindor.
146. “Y’all check this-here shit out!” is not an appropriate way to announce
that you are about to perform an experimental spell.
147. I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout “I have the power!”
148. I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
149. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights Who Say Ni have challenged
him to a duel and then have students yell “Ni” from various directions.
150. Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do the Time Warp will not earn me any house points .

"Human Kind cannot gain without first giving something in return. In order to obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemies First Law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we believed that to be the world's one and only truth." - Alphonse Elric, FullMetal Alchemist Episode 2

"Science that doesn't benifit people is no science at all!" Alphonse Elric - FullMetal Alchemist: Conquerer of Shambala

female come backs
pick up line comebacks, add to it

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

GIRLS REPOST THIS AS "female comebacks"
GUYS REPOST THIS AS "don't let this happen"

37 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

Random

“A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.”

“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... “

“What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.”

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

"There are only 3 real sports: bull-fighting, car racing and mountain climbing. All the others are mere games."

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."

There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterwards you can remove all traces of reality.

“He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.”

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.”

“More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments

A list of stereotypes that should stop. If you think they should stop too, post this onto your profile. And bold the ones you are if you wish:

I can't help pointing out MISTAKES, so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.

I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.

I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, so I MUST be a pussy.

I CRY EASILY, so I MUST be a wimp.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I don't CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I don't like THE SUN, so I MUST be an Albino.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I MUST be a homophobe.

I don't want a BOYFRIEND, so I MUST be lesbian.

I draw ANIME, so I MUST be a freak.

I dress in UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.

I got a CAR for my birthday, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I hang out with a former PROSTITUTE, so I MUST be a whore myself.

I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be gay too.

I hang out with TEENAGE DRINKERS and SMOKERS, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have A BUNCH OF FRIENDS WHO ARE GIRLS, so I MUST be a player.

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I have A LOT OF FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I have hair that gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology, so I MUST be wrong or misguided.

I have STRAIGHT 'A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I love MARCHING BANDS, so I MUST be a friendless freak.

I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I spot GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

I WATCH (or READ or WRITE) PORN, so I MUST be perverted.

I wear A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I wear BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I wear WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.

I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

I'm a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.

I'm a DANCER, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I'm a FANGIRL, so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.

I'm a FEMALE NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants and ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay or just want to get into the girl cheerleaders' pants.

I'm a guy who wears TIGHT PANTS, so I MUST be emo.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape and want to get with every single girl I see.

I'm a LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm a MALE NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my penis.

I'm a NEGRO, so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm a PERFECTIONIST, so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.

I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs, wear black and date only other punks.

I'm a REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm a SKATER, so I MUST do weed and steal stuff.

I'm a STONER, so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be prude.

I'm a WITCH, so I MUST be and old hag and fly on a broomstick.

I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is a murderer.

I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.

I'm an ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world.

I'm an ONLY CHILD, so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be a nerd that does homework 24/7 and super sexy.

I'm AUSTRALIAN, so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST love fried chicken, watermelons, kool-aid and believe that Jesus wuz a brotha.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a big butt.

I'm BRITISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers and talk with a funny accent.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against abortion.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a terrorist.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a cutter too.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have aids and be after every straight guy around.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I'm GOTH, so I MUST be mean and worship the devil.

I'm HAITIAN, so I MUST eat cats.

I'm HAWAIIAN, so I MUST be lazy.

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm INTELLIGENT, so I MUST be weak and think I'm all knowing.

I'm into THEATER AND ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".

I'm JAMAICAN, so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I'm MIXED, so I must be screwed up.

I'm MORMON, so I MUST be perfect.

I'm MUSLIM, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN, so I MUST just need converting.

I'm not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PAGAN, so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins and worship Satan.

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy and wear socks with sandals.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie and Hollister.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm SINGLE, so I MUST be ugly.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE, so I must be violent.

I'm STRONG, so I MUST be stupid.

I'm SWEDISH, so I MUST be a tall, white, blonde, blue-eyed, lesbian.

I'm TEXAN, so I MUST ride a horse.

I'm WELSH, so I MUST love sheep.

I'm WHITE and have BLACK friends, so I MUST think I'm black

I'm WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I'm WICCAN, so I MUST be a Satanist.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

29 reasons why girls are the best

1.We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:
When she walks away from you mad, follow her
When she stare's at your mouth, Kiss her
When she pushes you or hit's you, Grab her and dont let go
When she start's cussing at you, Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet, Ask her what's wrong
When she ignore's you, Give her your attention
When she pull's away, Pull her back
When you see her at her worst, Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying, Just hold her and dont say a word
When you see her walking, Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared, Protect her
When she lay's her head on your shoulder, Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steal's your favorite hat, Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she tease's you, Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesnt answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay
When she look's at you with doubt, Back yourself up
When she say's that she like's you, she really does more than you could understand
When she grab's at your hands, Hold her's and play with her fingers
When she bump's into you, bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tell's you a secret, keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does
When she misses you, she's hurting inside
When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away
When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers
When she repost this bulletin, she wants you to read it
Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
Tease her and let her tease you back
Stay up all night with her when she's sick
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid
Give her the world
Let her wear your clothes
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
Let her know she's important
Kiss her in the pouring rain
When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

(((((True love)))))

A guy and a girl were riding on a motorcycle...
Girl: slow down i'm scared.
Guy: no this is fun.
Girl: no it's not please it's way to scary!
Guy: then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you now slow down.
Guy: now give me a big hug.
She gave him a big hug.
Guy: can you take off my helmet & put it on yourself? it's bothering me.

-In the newspaper the next day a motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that the breaks were out and he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live even if it meant that he would die. If you would do the same for a person you love then copy this into your profile

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

HEY people of the world, Homophobia is retarded. HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG! copy and paste this onto your profile if you agree

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent that aren't, copy this, put it in you profile, and add your name to the list.
AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, Weasel Chick, Revenant666, dragonsroar, foxdude33, FallenLex, Soelle, aticiia, Parselmaster, Akatsuki King, Spirit of the Abyss, loki09 aka ttre208, TallMan0029, The Anime Wolf, Fear the Silly People,darkbeyonddeath666,

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you are a proud weirdo, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are one of the proud teens/adults who have a v-o-c-a-b-u-l-a-r-y and do not limit themselves to "omg!" and "Like, that is, like, so, like, totally awsome...!". copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are part of the .0000001 percent of people who don't have a MySpace, copy this onto your profile.

If you don't think werewolves MUST be evil, copy and paste it into your profile! (Werewolves aren't always evil! That's like saying every dog you will ever see will bite you)

If you enjoy watching people get kicked in the groin, copy this onto your profile.

98 percent of teenagers drink or have been around alcohol, put this in your profile if you like MUFFINS!

if you love animals, copy and paste this into your profile.

you hate child abuse then repost this on your profile. If you don't then you have NO SOUL!! YOU FREAKS!! NOW POST IT OR I'LL GIVE YOU A HORRIBLE BEATING! WORSE THAN ANY KID SHOULD EVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH!!

If you would love someone because of their personality but not because of their looks, put this in your profile.

I want child abuse to stop, and if you do, too, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever copied something to your profile, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever cracked a joke that no one understood, and yet you thought it was hilarious, copy this to your profile.

There is nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. When you argue with yourself and LOSE, it is weird. If you agree, copy this to your profile

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this into your profile if you're part of the 8 percent who would be garnering amusement from the ordeal.

65 percent of teenagers spend more time watching TV than reading. If you are part of the 35 percent who read more that watch TV, then copypasta this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you avoid teen fads and don't live your life according to others copy and paste this.

If you've ever left one room to get something from another room, then once you were in the other room, forgot what you were trying to get, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you wish that people would just grow up and stop being racist, copy and paste this.

If you've ever fallen backwards in your chair, copy and paste this.

if you feel like the only person at your school/neighborhood/whatever that has heard of Fanfiction and you have an acount, copy and paste this onto your profile

Chocolate is the food of the gods, if you agree then copy and paste this onto your profile! (It's not an opinion, it's a fact of life)

If you want to kill Bella Swan and her sparkly boyfriend, then copy and paste this onto your profile. Then add your name to this list: Fear the Silly People,darkbeyonddeath666,

Many, many, many... many people love Twilight. Copy & paste if you love to HATE on it

90 of teens would freak out if Hannah Montana was standing on the edge of a building. Copy and paste if you are the 10 yelling, "Jump! Jump!"

Much of the female Amican population would be freaking out if Justin Bieber was standing on the face of a cliff. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you would be part of that small portion that would be screaming "Do a flip!"

"Screw the rules I have money!"
Seto Kaiba in YuGiOh the Abridged Series

I just love the smell of C4 in the morning

3x3 Eyes(Ling Ling)

If you want to be a bender, you have to let go of the fear.
(Aang)Avatar

Darker than Black

If you pretend to feel a certain way, the feeling can become genuine all by accident

Darker than Black(Hei)

Detective Conan

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. (Several Characters...and Sherlock Holmes, ofc!)

Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth. - Alphonse Elric - F ullMetal Alchemist

The sound soul...resides within the sound mind, and the sound body.
Maka Albarn (Soul Eater)

With a keen eye for detail one truth always prevails.
Shinichi Kudo (Detective Conan)

And while you're waiting for us to kill you, we highly recomend p*ssing yourself, Followed by a course of praying to your impudent god. And cowarding in the corner and begging, always good. But if you act now, theres still time for an old-fashioned Suicide!! Thank you London! We love you! goodnight!!.
Yan Valentine (Hellsing)

I don't care what you call me, i'm still taking your cake.
L (Death Note)

I'm not a nerd, I'm a specialist.
Sousuke Sagara (Full Metal Panic!)

Sorry I'm late. I got lost on the road of life.
Hatake Kakashi (Naruto)

To know what is right and choose to ignore it is the act of a coward.
Hataki Kakashi (Naruto)

A hero always arrives late.
Uzumaki Naruto (Naruto)

When people are protecting something truly precious to them. They truly can become. As strong as they need to be!.
Haku (Naruto

Mysterious things are everywhere. So bizarre as often as you can hear of them. Without witness, with sight unseen, without a care it is simply a phenomenon. Merely not of concern. In this world, mankind itself has its own fantastic wonders.
Yuuko Ichihara (xxxHOLiC)

Living things are restrained by Chains: The laws of nature, the flow of time, the vessel known as your “body”, and the existence called your mind. The one chain that people can wield: WORDS.”
Yuuko Ichihara (xxxHOLiC)

Words are beasts. Chains can be used for more than tying down. They can be used to connect, and tie together. Looking forward and speaking positively makes all the difference.
Yuuko Ichihara (xxxHOLiC)

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness.

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.

Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting

Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.

This morning I looked down at my unmade bed and decided that it was art in another medium and I should not destroy it.

Know what I'm thinking? No. Neither do I; frightening, isn't it?

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

*"Because shut up!" -Yugioh Abridged

*"Nyeh!"/"A-bada-nyeh!" -Yugioh Abridged

*"Brooklyn Rage!" -Yugioh Abridged

*"Looks like the rules... just got screwed!" -Yugioh Abridged

*"I'm gonna touch your boobs!" "...Why?" -Yugioh Abridged!!!

*"I make the path." -Alice in Wonderland (Tim Burton)

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile.