NEWS:
I have a scratch on my shin. A big one! I remember how I got it, too: I was crossing from the car to the door of Whole Foods and I swept gracefully through some shrubbery, shortcut-style, and obviously the shrubbery was equipped with a rusted homeless man knife because sudden pain consumed my calf and now I have a scratch.
I also have a scratch on the inside of my right ankle, but it's a mystery.
Why Jeffrey Donovan hasn't been James Bond for like, the past million years, is beyond me. Also, he needs to call me because I have to talk to him about his sunglasses-whipping-on-and-off skills. TEACH ME JEFFREY DONOVAN!!!!
In other news, I just tried to kill a gnat with a coaster and it escaped me. Slippery bastard! It may have been a flea though...or a mutant tick, in which case I'll be dead by morning. From Lhymememeaahagg Disease.
TOPICS:
I used a new shampoo today and an unslightly residue remains on my hair, making it stiff and unmanageable. Curses! And I refuse to wash my hair again because I am a busy man and that is just the way I roll, know what I'm saying? I think you do.
Kevin Costner has a soul patch. Whhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy.
Once again I find myself pondering the nuances of life.
Once again I find myself wishing I hadn't eaten that cannoli.
And once again I find myself hypnotized by Beyonce. I mean DAMN!
And now, a poem: ODE TO CANNOLI
O' Cannoli
you are made of cheese
sweetened so gently
like a spiderweb of sugar
chocolate chips too crunchy
and cold
making me wince
under a blanket of
actose intolerance
FIN
My angst has gone from "teen angst" to "just angst" to "adult angst". It makes me uneasy and frankly a little nauseous. However, I battled my mounting geriatrictricity by going to Little Tokyo with Rodene and buying many toys and eating many noodles. Also by strongarming bystanders into taking pictures of us next to storefronts.
Needless to say, I skipped getting wasted.
Thank you for all of your birthday wishes...they lifted my spirits.
My wrinkled, aging spirits.
My hobbling, withered, cantankerous, badgery spirits.
My applesauce-eating, age-spotted, dementia-riddled, not-recognizing-you spirits.
My back-in-my-day, let-me-tell-you-about-the-war, here's-Johnny, I-live-with-a-million-cats spirits.
My what-do-you-mean-I'm-not-a-safe-driver-anymore, Spam-tastes-good, when-I-was-your-age-that-cost-75cents spirits..