... Why is it that everything I touch dies?

I barely know what to do anymore...

I'm fire, I burn everything. I know.

But it's those that I cling to that I burn the most.

When what you hold on to burns away...

... What is left?

Yes, fire can be warm and amazing to watch,

But from a distance.

It's all too easy to burn yourself

If you get too close.

I was listening to Fast Car by Tracy Chapman earlier, and it struck such a clean harmony with yesterday, i almost burst into happy tears.

Found? Nah. I've known the song for forever, it's just that after yesterday, it took on a whole new meaning.

Y'know... I'm amazingly lucky. I still have no idea why you (for some odd reason) really like me... i doubt that there'd be anyone else that would put up with my insanity XP

A Thousand Miles by vanessa carlton (might have the last name wrong?) is an awesome song.

iNSaNiTY (Frost Mix) is like amazing... I want to do a music video.

I know! iNSaNiTY (Frost Mix) is just about my favorite song right now. it's spectacular.

You know what'd be awesome? If you and i did this. Youtube search: :My little Pony Vinyl Scratch and Octavia Musical Montage - Slice of life [HD]" Obviously minus the whole like running into others with speakers and the whole existential crisis with the gator, and the bugbear. The music harmony sync thing.

As for the music battle thing, nope! no sheet music! It's a freestyle music battle for a reason! -

I've been looking around for a pair of Sunset Shimmer's pajamas from Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks to get for my sis for Christmas, but I'm having zero luck. like, there's not a single official merchandise for it, nobody's made it themselves, there's no self-custom to be found that will actually make it, and I can't find any designers to make it. Bleh.

Yeah, the purple-pink ones with the red-and-yellow sun Cutie Mark on the front n' all that.

Uh.. maybe I could find out what size? I do a fair portion of the laundry in the house, I could just snag a pair of her PJ's or pants or whatever, drop them off to ya or somethin'.

Cool :) hey, work is work. Speaking of which, I need a job...

I know, I'm being careful. You need to be careful, too! *hugs* You take your asthma meds at their proper times, every day, y'hear me?

Yeesh.. I had a bit of a topsy-turvy day. First it sucked, then it was awesome, then it sucked again, then it sucked some more, then things were more or less fine.

I have Wednesday off, too. also, pretty much all of next week, I'll be at my grandparents'.

Yeah, the overnighter will be spectacular! Too bad you can't go to the Talent show/Dessert Auction/Art show/Play performance at my school on Friday. I'm working the lights for the whole thing. Kinda cool c:

I love you, too. Sleep well.

looks up Purple Flannel, almost faints* uhh...question. about how many yards would you think you'd need to make the pajama pants and shirt?

yikes. Turns out that the color I need is $6 a yard, and that's just the main color. the Cutie Mark is actually three different colors - red, kind of an orange red, and yellow. Plain ol' red n' yellow were $3 each, but the one orange (color "Flame") was $6, making a total of $42 plus shipping, if not more.. welp! oh, well. That's what birthday cash is for c: I'm excited for this project.

It's that Jo Ann site. Certain colors are like, double price for some reason.

Do you think flannel would be the best idea? Are there any superior fabrics? (obviously not silk, but something soft)

I .. Because of my disorder, I am very "me"-centered. I hate that about myself. I know I interrupt, overrule, and object all the time. It's just... I don't like feeling like I haven't made my point right. So often I know things in my head, but my mind refuses to put them into the right words. It's very limiting and annoying. It's just like my stuttering problem, it all makes me feel like.. well.. the freak that I am.

..Also, from all my years of experience with my parents, I feel vulnerable when others are making a different point or trying to prove me wrong, like they're peeling back layers of my skin, exposing ways to overpower me or control me. I know it's irrational.. I'm sorry. It's just really hard to be like you want - open with debating and stuff - because I've never experienced it. I'm going to need your help to learn the important things about a caring, equal relationship when we're finally together for good.

Yes, I would like to learn that, if you don't mind teaching me, and don't mind putting up with me.

Yeah.. let's learn together :)

I fell asleep at 3 and woke up at 12, that okay?

pretty good. My sis and I did stuff, played a bit of minecraft, did some MLP creator, I made chocolate chip cookies with one banana added (I only had one egg), and um... I'm sitting here watching different MLP videos. Pretty good day. :)

Right, um.. my parents now know about my idea for grace's Pj's. (they saw me looking at flannel prices and I panicked) So, I if you still want to make them, I have a plan. Do you have any friends who would be cool with me sending the flannel shipments to their house, for them to pass to you? cuz i got two ideas. one, I pass the flannel to you at youth group (which could work, as my parents aren't usually that nosy when I'm being artsy and creative, they'd never notice), except for the different colors for the Cutie Mark, which I could work on myself, then attach when you're done. I kinda like that idea better, because then I could have my parents use their credit card so I can get them on that one site - jo ann's - and have those prices. My other idea would be to send the flannel to the house of a friend of yours, who would pass it to you, and you'd pass the PJ's to me. This one's a bit risky, 'cuz my parents would wonder where the heck the flannel came from, and also pricey, 'cuz I'd hafta buy it all on Amazon, which I've found is more expensive.

Awesome. A visit to the library would be best, I think, so that it could be in your car to retrieve at your leisure, and also since I'd have a bag anyway, I could stick it in there and it wouldn't be suspicious.

Yes, it kinda probably would.. sorry.

Awlrighty-o!! You ready for this? :) I'm ready for this! ... to be over. Currently doing lights, and it's slightly stressing. I'd hoped for a video feed, but yeah... that kinda didn't go. Right... the play's gonna start soon.. yikes. Currently they're doing the Dessert Auction.. I hope my two no-bake cheesecakes and my truffles sell for a bunch. Obviously, the cash is not going to me, but to the school, and that's cool. That way we can stay open without the public school district longer! ;D

Huh. Crazy, definitely, but it might just be crazy enough to work... hm... let me think about it. I like the idea, thank you for handing it to me. It might just be a bundle of threads thrown together, but I think I might be able to weave it all together into something that would work. I think... I think that it might work best if the announcement is made near Christmas, say, a Christmas Youth Group Party. (Actually, one o' those'd make it perfect.) Can you hold out that long?

It kinda revolves, funnily enough, around the pajamas.

My idea is that I get all the stuff and hand it off to you, as planned. I'd make the Cutie Mark, and you'd make the pj's. (I actually much prefer it like that - I trust your skill a lot more than mine) Then, at the Youth Group Christmas Party, you give the PJ's to my sis in front of my parents. Then, we'd plead for a second chance.

That sounds like an awesome idea! :) I love it. What do you think would work?

I could make that, sure :) that'd be fun~

Sounds like an awesome idea c:

Yikes. Good luck. If you need help, I'll be up! :)

Well, I was thinking that I could take the test they have (my dad is good friends with the recruiter here) that determines where you could be placed. There's no obligation to sign up for anything once I take it, and it'd be a good way to find out what all I could do if I was to join. If I dont like the options, I just dont do anything.

It makes me happy to hear you say that. Don't worry, I'd never join anything but the Navy. The Navy is a good option to keep around because it has lots of benefits, and also because my dad can help me along, tell me the ropes and all that. But, you know what? Your happiness is more important to me than any paycheck, benefit, or approval from my dad.

I'm most likely only gonna join if I can secure a position where I don't have to move or leave so much. (And my dad says that there definitely are positions like that) I love you too much to be away from you so long, and I don't want to put you through the stress of moving, either.

Please, dont ever be afraid to tell me what you do and don't want, even (and especially) if you think I want something different. Mkay?

Woohoo! Glad to know I'm amazing~ So, what exactly was it that made you super happy? I'll remember to say it more often c:

Aw, that sucks... I wish I coulda made it. Dang.

Eh, no worries, I'll just knock him around a little bit. Maybe just a bit of decapitation.

good to hear they all liked them! - Thank yew c: you have a good day, too!

good luck! have fun! I'll make sure to check in on the viewer~

Hey, you look great - I love your hair.

Wow... I just watched you play the Elegy of A Young American. That was an excellent piece. It kinda chilled me, a bit, actually, thinking about some depressing things while listening to it. It's good that you're going to follow it with Yankee Doodle, y'know? It would be ... different to end the evening on such a serious, depressing note.

That was brilliant how the band teacher like repeated himself while asking OHHS staff to stand up, 'cuz this is what ran through my head:

"If you are a teacher, faculty, etc, please stand up. Please stand up. Won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?" XD

Awesome performance, I loved it! You did a fantastic job~

hey, sorry, unexpectedly am staying at my grandparents' to work on the pj's. Is it okay if I make the pants myself? That way it can be a collaborative effort, and also that way I can really work on something without them snooping in and find me not actually working. I'lol give you everything you need to do the top, Cutie mark aside, and then when I have the pants almost finished, I can give them to you, and you can put the elastic on/in. Does that sound okay? They kind of made me take my grandma's help, sorry...

wait, woah, woah. I have all the needed fabric, and I have the patterns. You don't have to get those. I'll tell you more about the stitching on Tuesday, and I'll give you all the stuff on Wednesday if we manage to meet.