Hello i will not tell you my real name but you may call me cocopups123 i am 20 with brown/red hair with blue/green eyes and i am a girl i love dogs (my profile pic is of my dog Cuda) I'm not afraid of heights but i am afraid of falling from heights

(I do not own a Spork yet, but I have decided I shall go buy one just so I can say 'I own a Spork'. Also, I saw an interview in which ZQ and CP say "Spork Power!" and if that is not the definition of adorable, then I refuse to aknowledge the sky is blue squee/drool)

“What I love about fandom is the freedom we have allowed ourselves to create and recreate our characters over and over again. Fanfic rarely sits still. It’s like a living, evolving thing, taking on its own life, one story building on another, each writer’s reality bouncing off another’s and maybe even melding together to form a whole new creation. A lot of people would argue that we’re not creative because we build on someone else’s universe rather than coming up with our own. However, I find that fandom can be extremely creative because we have the ability to keep changing our characters and giving them new life over and over. We can kill and resurrect them as often as we like. We can change their personalities and how they react to situations. We can take a character and make him charming and sweet or coldblooded and cruel. We can give them an infinite, always-changing life rather than the single life of their original creation. We have given ourselves license to do whatever we want and it’s very liberating.”
— Kim Bannister, (untitled), SBF 1, May 1993

ok for all my stories i am NOT going to have a beta cause it is just to much work to find one i like

If you approve of gay-marrigaes put this on your profile and add your name to the list. Gaara's-pandachan101,678yui-julie-and-kiki-kitten,Demon Lord Sesshomaru, Blood Red Tensai, xXRon-luverXx,Cocopups123

If you love Severus Snape form Harry Potter then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have a scary crush on a book character, TV character or game character copy and past this into your profile.

If you are sad because there will be no more Harry Potter books , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever wanted to slap someone, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever slapped someone, copy this into your profile.

If you have slaped someone upside the head ( i always do that), copy this into your profile.

If you belive that chocolate and female mix perfertly, then copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever had random loud singing outbursts in public, copy this into your profile.

My best friend is insane! If you have an insane friend, copy and paste this into your profile!

Did the Harry Potter characters know that Dumeldore was gay?

Another question: What would you do if Peter Pettigrew (mutters swear words and hexes) knocked on your door and asked you if he could stay at your place? I personally would have told him to go live in a trash can and see if he was thick enough to go do it.

Another question and that'll be it: Why didnt Fred and George notice Peter Pettigrew's name on the Marauder's Map?

If you have written a story, but never completed it, then copy and this on your profile.

If you believe that J.K. Rowling is making a eight Harry Potter book about the Marauders, then copy this into your profile.(hopefull wishing)

If you would donate your kidney in order to get a Harry Potter book, then copy and this on your profile.

If your too lazy to copy and paste things on your profile, then copy and this on your profile.

If you did not know that a dentist invented the electric chair and now is freaked out, copy and this on your profile.

If you love anime, copy this into your profile.

CHEESE!! If you are random and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you love someone more than they know, put this in your profile.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.

If you know (a) video game character(s) or video game weapon(s) that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile. (A/N: Tip: Say you don't have any, and then do it at three in the morning. If you're not a freshman in highschool or older, you didn't get it from me)

If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, Owl of the Night, WhatWouldRonandHermioneDo, American Dreamer Girl, Crystalized Chaos, Silver Chaos-Light, Nekoearlover, Randompanda940, Emmett's evil vampire bunnies, Cocopups123

If you burst out laughing whenever someone says the word 'Serious' or 'Seriously' b/c you love the overused Harry Potter pun...copy and paste this to your profile!

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times where you annoy people just for the fun of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

Read this please! Repost if you support homosexuals/think homophobia is wrong!

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.

My faith: Jesus:

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the World...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today

Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in God and Jesus Christ his Son

then copy and paste this in your profile

If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says...

" If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."

Mommy.. Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did What I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

But Mommy, when I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye,

I'm sorry Mommy, I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, He hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, Got the gun from his older brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Trevor; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now ,

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best;

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest.

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass.

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one deserves this,

Mommy, warn the others, Mommy I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know they really did try,

I think I even saw a doctor, Trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, With a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest.

Mommy I ran as fast as I could,

When I heard that crack, Mommy, listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new,

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo.

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, Mommy, I wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Trevor, I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know; you know it's true,

And Mommy all I wanted to say is, "Mommy, I love you."

In Loving Memory of The Columbine Students Who Were Lost

Please if you would,

Pass this around,

I'd be happy if you could,

Don't smash this on the ground.

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry,

Just keep this in your heart,

For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shittttt!

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

life is full of shit and my sister is full of life.

To Every Girl:

To every girl that is SCARED to put her heart out there again, because she has been HURT too many times or so badly.

To every girl that has been cheated on, because she's not a slut who gives it up to any guy.

To every girl that dresses cute, not skanky.

To every girl who wants to be called beautiful, not hot.

To every girl that will spend her whole day looking for the perfect present for you.

To every girl who gets her heart broken, because he chose that bitch instead.

To every girl that would die to have a decent boyfriend.

To every girl who would just once like to be treated like a princess.

To every girl that cries at night because of another heartbreak.

To every girl that won't get down on her knees open her mouth just to get a boyfriend.

To every girl that just wants to hold hands.

To every girl that kisses him with meaning.

To every girl who just wishes he cared more.

To every girl who would just once want a guy to give their jacket up when they are cold.

To every girl who just wants him to call.

To every girl who lies awake at night thinking about him.

To every girl that just wants to cuddle.

To every girl that just wants to sleep with him without having sex.

To every girl who shows how much she cares and gets nothing back.

To every girl that thought "maybe this one could be the one."

To every girl that laughs at stupid stuff when she actually doesn't think it is funny.

To every girl who is just looking for that one and only. and is having a rough time along the way.

To every girl that doesn't want a guy who just plays with her emotions but actually cares about how she feels.

To every girl who wants words backed up with actions.

To every girl that fell for all the lies only to find themselves alone in the end.

To every girl that gave her heart away to have it shoved back in her face. never again

To every girl that has faith that "tomorrow will be a better day." And it will be.

If you are a nice girl put this on you profile under the title : "To every girl."'

I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, EmmettCullenFan, Bella Masen Cullen, Me Love Edward Cullyou, SilverMoonArcher,forbiddenkitsunegoddess13, Howl To The Moon, Nayeli, mochiusagi, darkablino, LegendKillerlover4ever, Cocopups123 are obsessed with fan fiction copy this into your profile.

Gay marriage:
1) Being gay is not natural. People always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Briteny Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans... --
Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage

I SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE!!

Kaeim is an amazing author go to his page http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1501844/ and read his stories he is the king of harry potter fanfic

this place is so cool.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his friends,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THAT'S HER!

A Little Poem Regarding Computer Spell Checkers...

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

— Dr. Jerrold H. Zar

Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib, not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal! Under the arm to be protected, & next to the heart to be loved. AMEN to this saying. Copy and paste if you agree

This one is too funny!

Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts.

1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms

2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.

3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class

6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss

7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda

8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar

9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy

10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"

11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches

13) The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball

14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!"

15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor

17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental

18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak

19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"

20) I will ont dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.

21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

22) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"

23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.

24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom

25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.

26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.

27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"

30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife

32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the Arse" is not an acceptable quidditch chant.

34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoyin a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.

34) It is a mad idea to tell Proffesor Mcgonagal that she takes herself too seriously

35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an expirimental spell.

36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.

38) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".

HERE'S A GOOD JOKE FOR STAR TREK FANS:

How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. As something begins to develop between the Captain and Spock, Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been given all lightbulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.

I AM THE GIRL

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year (or ever). I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment),who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her (yet it would be nice) and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: HarryArtemis1220, edwardcullenissosexy, Pixel Alice, ME LOVEY JAZZY, Gandalf the Grey-Edelwiess, DoYouReallySeeMe, Potter's Angels, CelticHeiressFiona, The Love Dragon, I-am-a-slash-addict, Cocopups123

You know your obsessed with fanfiction when . . .

You get confused between the actual story and the fanfic about it

That you spent more time writing the fanfic than actually watching/reading/playing the thing your writing for

You make fanfiction for other people's fanfiction

You probably read a fanfic that was longer that the actual book

When u read a m rated fanfic, then read a romance novel claiming to have a harsh sex scene and your like "I've read better sex scenes written by a 12 year old"

When you get excited that your friend also has an account

When you got disappointed when you read/watch/play something new and it wasn't on fanfiction

When your computer doesn't have internet and you need something to do and you say "lets read some fanfics" but then realize that's on the internet then get mad

When you have more than one account.

Reviews on your fic can turn the suckiest week of your life and turn them into the best flippen dipped week u ever lived through

When you feel all proud how your favorite category has one of the highest amounts of stories written

When you someplace random and randomly come up with ideas for fanfic for no reason

When you daydream bout a fanfic and plan it out all in your head, even wondering what people will say about it and if there are any flaws before you have the first chapter written yet

When you write a fanfic and end up handing it in at school/college as an essay of some kind

When you confuse fanfiction with real life...

When you have read this list

When you have read this list and thought of additions to it

() ()
(o.o)
o(")(")

Copy the Bunny to your presentation to help him achieve world domination,
and come join the dark side. (We have cookies.)

( )_( )
(='.'=) This is a Mouse, bunny's best friend if you are against homophobia copy and paste him in to your profile:)
(")_(")

the girl you just called fat?... She is overdosing on diet pills. The girl you just called ugly?... She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The boy you just tripped?.. He is abused enough at home. See that man with the ugly scars?... He fought for his country. That guy you just made fun of for crying?... His mother is dying. Put this on your profile if you're against bullying. I bet 95% of you wont re-post, but I'm sure the people with a heart will

Truths for Mature Adults

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and pushthe snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt