YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot.You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask myself random things?')You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.People think/know you have ADHDYou start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reasonYour friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

How to know you're obsessed with The Hunger Games.

-You listen to a random song and your eyes widen and you smile because it perfectly describes a certain moment in THG, CF, or MJ.
-You have a mini spaz attack because you had a nightmare that Peeta/Gale died and Katniss didn't care.
-On a hike/camping trip/outdoor excursion, you find yourself thinking about what wherever you are would be like as an arena.
-You've thought about learning archery, just in case.
-The first time you saw a poster for the movie "District 9", you ran over thinking it was going to have something to do with THG. (But nope. It's about aliens. And they're not even in Panem.)
-You relate everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, to THG.
-You know someone named Peter and accidentally call him Peeta
-You will never see the book "To Kill A Mockingbird" the same way again.
-Parent: Oh look, pita br- You: WHERE?
-You wait eagerly for any hint at possible casting roles. . . just so you can rant about why they're all wrong.
-You talk about/to the characters of the books as if they are real or as if they could hear you.
-If you have memorized parts of the book and go around quoting from it. =)
-You literally cried when Katniss sang to Rue while she was dying.
-You couldn't decide whether to love Finnick or hate him.
-You've hated Haymitch, you've loved Haymitch, and you've been very pissed off by Haymitch.

You know you live in 2012 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played Solitaire with real cards for years.

3.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

4.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

5.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

Pointless but hilarious facts!

Did you know that if Abercrombie and Fitch said it was uncool to breathe 92% of American teenagers would die because they were oxygen deprived? If you part of the 8% that would laugh your butts off, put this on your profile.

Did you know that a cats urine glows under a black light? If you're wondering who the moron is that paid to figure that out, put this on your profile.

Did you know that if you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee? If you're wondering if anyone ever did this this strange time consuming activity put this on your profile.

Did you know that a cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death? If you think that's just a little creepy put this on your profile.

Did you know that banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour? If you don't want to try this at home (I never said you couldn't do it at school) put this on your profile.

Did you know that on average, right handed people live 9 years longer than left handed people? If you're a ticked off left handed person put this on your profile. If you're a right handed person laughing at your friends that are left handed, put this on your profile. (So put this on your profile if you have hands.)

Did you know that starfish don't even have a brain? If you think you have a brain, put this on your profile. (So technically if you didn't have a brain, you could still put this on your profile. Dumb people, UNITE!)

Did you know that all polar bears are left handed? If you just thought that if they switched to right handed then they would live 9 years longer, put this on your profile.

Did you know that about 10 people a year are killed by vending machines? If you've ever gotten mad at a vending machine and kicked it, put this on your profile.

Did you know that one town in Indiana is called Santa Clause? If you want to live there put this on your profile.

Did you know that the chances of you dying on the way to get your lottery ticket are greater than you winning? If you can believe that, put this on your profile.

Did you know that there are about 200 corpses on Mount Everest? If you feel bad for them, put this on your profile.

Some interesting things about labels :) (Copy and paste into your profile):

1. Children's Aspirin: Warning: Keep Away From Children
(oh, so it’s not for children . . . what?)

2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts
(hhmh...it said "may"...does that mean some of the nuts are fake?)

3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping
(dang it! that’s the only time I can!)

4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire
(gee, what a revolutionary thought!)

5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking
(you first)

6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not to Be Used as Protection from a Tornado
(no comment...)

7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts
(I always thought Frisbees were just one little discy-thing)

8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep out of Children
(OUT of children?)

9. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping
(I wonder which doorknob tried that...)

10. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regular soap
(which is...)

11. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness
(why is this a warning?)

12. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required
(I never knew...you opened the door for me!!)

13. Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

14. Bag of Fritos – You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

15. Some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's "just" a suggestion).

16. Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

17. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought??...)

19. On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time)?

20. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

21. On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(And...I'm taking this because??...)

22. Most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what)?

23. On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

24. On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash)

25. American Airlines packets of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

26. On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

27. On a Korean kitchen knife-- "Warning: keep out of children."
(Hmm… something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

28. Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my… was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Friend/best friend test

Friends: will help you up if you fall

Best friends: will push you back down and laugh at you

Friends: will clean and return borrowed things

Best friends: have a closet full of your stuff, and don't plan on giving it back soon

Friends: are there for a year or two

Best friends: are there for life

Friends: will laugh at your lame jokes

Best friends: will just stare at you first, then they'll laugh at you for thinking that the joke you just said was funny

Friends: will call your parents Mr. And Mrs.

Best friends: will call your parents mom and dad

Friends: will comfort you when he rejects you

Best friends: will walk up to him and ask, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

Friends: will comfort you when you cry

Best friends: will laugh at you and say "Ha ha, loser!"

Friends: will bail you out of jail

Best friends: would be in the cell next to you saying, "That was fun! Let's do it again!"

Friends: will offer you a soda

Best friends: will dump theirs on you

Friends: will leave you if that's what the crowd is doing

Best friends: will kick the crowds butt for leaving you

Friends: will not embarrass you

Best friends: will not hesitate when the moment arises for them to embarrass you

Friends: only know a few things about you

Best friends: could write an extremely embarrassing life story about you

Friends: will help you find your prince

Best friends: will kidnap him and bring him to you

Friends: will never eat or drink anything when they're at your house

Best friends: will walk up to the fridge and help themselves and are the reason you have no food

Friends: give you their umbrella when it rains

Best friends: will take yours and say, "Run - beep - Run!"

Friends: will tell you what you want to hear

Best friends: will tell you the truth

Friends: wonder about your romantic history

Best friends: enjoy blackmailing you with it

Blonde Jokes! (I love these and I'm a blonde)(This thingy: , will be at the beginning of each joke)

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.

Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.

Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"

Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.

"There are no fish under the ice!!"

Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"

The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.

She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."

"What did you not understand?”

And the blonde says: "Well, at the beginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

Q: What’s the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

A: There have been Bigfoot sightings

A blonde hurried into the hospital emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
the tip of your finger?"

"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First, I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought, 'I like this shirt too much, I'm not shooting myself in the
chest."

"So then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000 to get
my teeth straightened; I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So, then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought 'This is going to make a loud
noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper.
The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed".
She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to
the stranger sitting next to her and asked,
"Wow that is really sad, how many is a Brazilian?"

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?

A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What do you call the blonde skeleton in the closet?

A: Last year's hide-and-go-seek winner.

A blonde a brunette and a redhead are running from the police. They run into a dark junkyard.

The brunette hides behind an old couch. The police come up to the couch and shine the flashlight on it. They call: “We know you’re there! Come out and show yourself!” The brunette says: “Woof, woof” The cops move on thinking: “Oh. It’s just a stupid dog.”

The redhead hides behind an old lounging chair. The police come up to the chair and shine the flashlight on it. They call: “We know you’re there! Come out and show yourself!” The redhead says: “Woof, woof” The cops move on thinking: “Oh. It’s just a stupid dog.”

The blonde hides behind a sack of potatoes. The police come up to the sack and shine the flashlight on it. They call: “We know you’re there! Come out and show yourself!” The blonde says: “Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes!”

Q: A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead jump off a cliff. Who hits the ground first?

A: The brunette and the redhead because the blonde has to stop and ask for directions

Q: How do you drown a blonde?

A: You put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool

Q: Why does it take so long to make a blonde snowman (/snowwoman)?

A: Because you have to hallow out the head

A blonde walks into an electronics store and sees a nice TV. She walks up to one of the employees and says: “I’d like to buy that TV.” The employee says: “Sorry, we don’t serve blondes.”

So, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair brown. She goes back to the store, walks up to the employee, and says: “I’d like to buy that TV.” The employee says: “Sorry, we don’t serve blondes.”

So, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair red. She goes back to the store, walks up to the employee, and says: “I’d like to buy that TV.” The employee says: “Sorry, we don’t serve blondes.”

So, the blonde goes home and shaves her head. She goes back to the store, walks up to the employee, and says: “I’d like to buy that TV.” The employee says: “Sorry, we don’t serve blondes.” The blonde yells: “I’ve dyed my hair brown and red and shaved it off! How can you tell that I’m a blonde?!” The employee smiles and says: “Because that’s not a TV. That’s a microwave.”

A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she is low on gas, so she stops at the gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she had locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, the blonde asks the attendant for a coat hanger so she can attempt to open the door herself. She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant goes outside to see how the blonde is faring. The blonde outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around. Meanwhile, the blonde inside of the car is saying, "A little more to the left. A little more to the right ...”

Returning home from work, a young blonde woman was shocked to find that her house had been ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash. The blonde woman ran out on the porch and shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog. Then she sat down on the steps, put her face in her hands and moaned, "I came home to find all my possessions stolen. I called the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

Buffy, a blonde, needed some extra cash, so she begged her friend at the highway department for a job - any job at all. "Sure," he said. "I always have job openings to paint the lines down the center of the roads. Would you be interested in painting stripes?" Buffy agreed and began working immediately. The first day she painted five miles of stripes. The next day she painted three miles. But on the third day, she only painted one mile of stripes. The supervisor took Buffy aside and asked her what was wrong. "You worked so hard and painted so fast the first couple of days. Why are you working so slowly now?"

Buffy replied, "Because the bucket keeps getting farther away."