My rants on the stupidity in fanfiction:

o My problem with 9 out of 10 fan fictions: every one of those nine is 50% pomposity, 50% bravado, 0% substance.

o Fics that keep 90-99% of canon = a preset photoshop filter and a watermark disclaimer over someone else's artwork. Do the world a favor and stop publishing these pathetic waste of space. Actually...

Time travel/crossover fics that keep 90-99% of canon. Ever heard of the butterfly effect? The fuck did you write a time travel/crossover fic for if EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING STAYS THE SAME?!

o Fics that are stuck in setup hell. Over 100k words of setup! Screw that non-sense. Think I'm exaggerating? Check out the word count for these Harry Potter books:

The Philosopher's Stone - 76,944
The Chamber of Secrets - 85,141
The Prisoner of Azkaban - 107,253

What a waste of time. Read something else.

o Unbelievable convoluted drama for the sake of unbelievable convoluted drama that resolves in an unbelievable convoluted mess. This is, by the way, not exclusive to fanfiction as it happens a lot in real life as well. I'll still put it here because I'm absolutely sick of reading the stuff.

o Couples never breathe while they kiss because it's impossible to do so. *cough* writer has probably only been kissed by their parents *cough*

o Harry/Fleur pairing fics where Harry and Fleur don't go with each other to the yule ball. Seriously, almost every fic I find generally adheres to this stupid-ass shitty cliche. Talk about wasted potential.

o Soulbonds-- or rather, the way it's presented in the fics I've read, it's too contrived. Soulbond formed, ergo they are in love? Stupid. It should be: they are undeniably TRULY in love, ergo a soulbond was formed.

o Shopping is-- 99% of the time-- a prelude to armageddon.

o Male protagonists are always gigantic and muscular/athletic. They are so perfect in fact, that even Michelangelo would cry himself to sleep every night from wondering why he can't sculpt such a perfect specimen no matter how hard he tries.

Said specimen also posses these traits most of the time:

- indecisiveness
- idiocy/cluelessness
- "miraculous" insights
- excessive blushing/nosebleeding/noseblushbleeding
- a carefree smile
- a vocabulary full of generic kind words

Said qualities will then make every female in the universe so horny that they'll want to stick his dick inside every hole in their body every second of every day, because that makes perfect sense. Very sound logic. Absolutely no loopholes. This right here is the epitome of shallow, the bane of romance stories.

o Stories that have no subtlety, no finesse, no sense of personal space, and gets all up-in-your-face, then at the top of their lungs screams,

"OMG NARUTO/HARRY IS BESTEST SEXIEST GUY EVER!!! RIGHT?! RIGHT?!?! YOU AGREE WITH ME RIGHT, READER?!?! SEE HOW MANLY HE IS WITH ALL THOSE MUSCLES!!! LOOK! LOOK!! I!!! SAID!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!"

"OMG NARUTO/HARRY IS SUCH A PERFECT GENTLEMAN!!! LOOK HE WOULDN'T EVEN FUCK HER EVEN THOUGH HER BOOB'S IN HIS FACE, HER LEGS WRAPPED AROUND HIM AND GRINDING HER DRIPPING WET PUSSY TO HIS DICK!!! SO HONORABLE!!! SUCH A GENTLEMAN!!! HE IS SO NOBLE!!! THE PERFECT PARAGON OF VIRTUE THAT ALL MEN SHOULD STRIVE FOR!!! YOU SEE IT RIGHT?!?! YOU AGREE RIGHT, READER?!?! YOU'RE NOT BLIND RIGHT?!?! HERE! HERE! HERE! LOOK SOME MORE!!!!"

"OMG NARUTO/HARRY IS SO IN LOVE WITH HER!!! LIKE, LOOK HOW MUCH HE CARES FOR HER!!! SURELY HE WOULDN'T DO/SAY THAT IF HE DIDN'T LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!! THEY'RE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER FOR ETERNITY!!! OMG, YOU STILL CAN'T SEE IT READER?!?! ARE YOU BLIND?!?! I'M GONNA SCREAM LIKE A FUCKING BANSHEE UNTIL YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THEY'RE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"OMG POOR NARUTO/HARRY! OH WOE IS NARUTO/HARRY! POOR SWEET, INNOCENT, NARUTO/HARRY GETTING ABUSED. OH! OHH!! OHHHH!!!! BASH THIS! BASH THAT! BASH THESE MOTHERFUCKING TURDS! BASH THOSE ASSHOLES! YOU CAN SEE IT RIGHT, READER?!?! DON'T YOU AGREE WITH ME?! YOU AGREE WITH ME RIGHT?!?! RAAAAAAAAAAAAGH-IGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!"

With my eyebrows twitching, the veins in my forehead throbbing, I smile evilly at the monitor. "Ohohoho~ This story deserves to be trashed. I'mma gonna flame this bitch."