The Lessons Warriors Has Taught Us:

1. Violence doesn't solve all problems, but it does solve some. And they should be solved very violently.

2. Cats can have accents.

3. Old people are funny.

4. If your girlfriend dies, the default response is to sleep with her sister.

5. No matter how right you are, you're still wrong in some way.

6. Your logic doesn't have to make sense if you're angry enough.

7. Always use a condom.

8. Killing your half-brother solves all of your problems for 6-12 months.

9. Having fangirls gives you the right to do virtually anything without being considered evil.

10. There are no limits to how homoerotically you can kill your own brother.

11. Casual racism is socially acceptable. More severe racism is less approved of, but still allowed. Only outright genocide crosses the line.

12. Most children in southern England will squee when they see a cat.

13. Good is cute/handsome; Evil is sexy.

14. Highly organized colonies of feral cats have been living in the English countryside for over 40 years without being noticed by anyone.

15. Cats are really good at cleaning up massive bloodstains.

16. If you eat too much fish, your blood tastes fishy.

17. It's possible to complain about anything.

18. All barn cats are gay.

19. Happy endings are unrealistic.

20. No matter how depressed you get, there is always a way to become more emo.

21. Plans that rely on the cooperation of others have a tendency not to work.

22. God isn't going to do anything for you because He wants you to maintain both the freedom and the capacity to just get off your lazy ass and do it yourself.

23. Gaining nine lives causes you to die nine times as frequently as everyone else.

24. Major antagonists have a tendency to die the most violent deaths imaginable.

25. The object that cats should fear the most is a purple pen.

26. Life: You don't win. You break even. At best.

27. It's possible to not notice that you are pregnant.

28. It's possible to make multiple AMVs of a series with only one episode worth of clips.

29. The general public doesn't know anything.

30. People who secretly want to have sex with you make the best evil minions.

31. The default response to being dumped by someone is to devote yourself to making them watch their family die slow, painful deaths.

32. If you try hard enough, you can be pregnant and give birth without anyone noticing.

33. People named after plants tend to be red herrings. People named after animals are the real deal.

34. Don't fight the system, no matter how messed up it is.

35. Stars are really the spirits of dead cats.

36. War crimes are perfectly fine if God tells you to commit them.

37. Just because someone has gone to hell doesn't mean you don't have to deal with them anymore.

38. The width of someone's shoulders is a good indicator of how strong and experienced they are.

39. Don't mess with beavers.

40. Thunderstorms are inherently dramatic.

41. Forbidden relationships happen about as often as socially legitimate ones.

42. Breaking the rules is bad. Bending the rules is good.

43. Virginity is overrated.

44. If you're ever near death or dying, you will survive anyway.

45. Most people would listen to Hitler if he was nice to them.

46. If you start to see a red haze, stop what you are doing.

47. Lying is the most evil thing ever.

48. The happier your relationship, the more tragically it will end.

49. Incest doesn't count if it isn't immediately noticeable.

50. If you play with your food, an owl will come and eat you.

There's always a little bad in the best of us and a little good in the worst of us.

If someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.