If a guy likes you for your breast, legs and thighs only. Send him to KFC. You're a lady, not a cheap value meal.

I want to die like my grandmother died- asleep and at peace...not screaming like the passengers in her car.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

People say "Guns don't kill people! People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you just stood there and yelled out "BANG!" I don't think you'd kill too many people.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you're like, 'Fuck it - just grab a pile of shit. We'll get a bag at the airport'.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

I've been suspended from school for another three days. When my biology teacher asked me what my favourite element was, karate chopping her and saying "Element of Suprise" was wrong.

If someone says your "ugly", say "well excuse me, but I'm not a mirror"

three criminals robbed a grocery store and were looking for a place to hide. they soon found a farm and went in to hide. The first criminal hid in a horse shed,the second in a pig pen and in the third in a potato sack. 20 mins later a policeman went into the farm.
He kicked the horse shed..."neigh!"
He then kicked the Pig pen..."oink,oink!"
And then he kicked the potato sack..."potato,potato!"

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and geting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy.So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality they are amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top

You're a stalker with hooves."
"I am not! I followed her to the Big House and hid in a bush and watched the whole thing.”
― Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse

Now, come over here so I can pat you down."
"But you don't have-" Percy stopped. "Uh, sure."
He stood next to the armless statue. Terminus conducted a rigorous mental pat down.
"You seem to be clean," Terminus decided. "Do you have anything to declare?"
"Yes," Percy said. "I declare that this is stupid.”
― Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

“Dude! said a party pony as he unloaded his gear. Did you see that bear guy? He was all like: 'Whoa, I have an arrow in my mouth!”
― Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters

“She looked at me, like she was drinking in the fact that I was still here. And I realized I was doing the same thing. The world was collapsing, and the only thing that really mattered to me was that she was alive.”
― Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian

“Percy

tried to remember. He really did. For some reason, Annabeth and he had visited a spa and decided to destroy it. He couldn't imagine why. Maybe they hadn't like the deep-tissue massage? Maybe they'd gotten bad manicures?”
― Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead.
Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie
I smile because I have no idea what's going on!
One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.
I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember.
Life isn't trying to pass me by, it's trying to run me over.
Flying is simple: just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain
Everyday is a gift, that's why its called the present.

I have the answer in my head, I just haven't found it yet.
Life is not measured in the breaths we take but in the moments that take our breath away
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Behind every damsel is a fire breathing dragon
Don't talk unless you can improve the silence
I'm a nobody, nobody's perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed
Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water

Great quotes from PJO and THoO:

With great power, comes the great need to take a nap." -Nico Di Angelo, THE LAST OLYMPIAN

"God alert! It's the wine dude!" -Blackjack (Percy's pegasus), THE TITANS CURSE

"Let us find the dam snack bar." Zoe said

"The dam snack bar?"

"Yes. What is funny?"

"Nothing." Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fires."

"And I need to use the dam restroom."

"I do not understand"

"I want to use the dam water fountain."

"And. . .I want to buy a dam T-shirt." -Thalia, Zoe, Grover, Percy, THE TITANS CURSE

"Go chase a doughnut." -Percy, THE SEA OF MONSTERS

Deadlines just aren't real to me unless I'm staring one in the face. -Percy, THE LIGHTNING THEIF

I'll have a cheeseburger and-AHHH! My friend's on fire! Get me a bucket! -Jason, THE LOST HERO

Even before he got electrocuted, Jason was having a rotten day. -THE LOST HERO

"See, that's what happens to snow in Texas, lady. It-freaking-melts."--Leo, THE LOST HERO

You know how teachers always tell you the magic word is please? That's not true. The magic word is puke. It will get you out of class faster than anything else. -Percy, THE DEMIGOD FILES

"Well. . .See you."

"Hold up! you can't just run off."

"Sure I can." -Clarisse and Percy, THE DEMIGOD FILES

That's one good thing about sea serpents: They're big babies when it comes to getting hurt. -Percy, THE DEMIGOD FILES

It's great when you're a celebrity to squids. -Percy, THE DEMIGOD FILES

"It's all right. We just had a family spat."

"Family spat? You turned me into a dandelion!" -Persephone and Nico, THE DEMIGOD FILES

Now Thalia and Nico would have to haul my useless butt through the rest of the mission. -Percy, THE DEMIGOD FILES
_"

''Maybe if we push her over." - Annabeth, The Battle of the Labyrinth

"Your a half-blood too?'
"Shh! Just announce it to the world how about?"
"Okay. Hey, everybody! These to arent human! They're half Greek god!" - Rachel and Annabeth, The Battle of the Labyrinth

"Look, I'm really sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you out or anything."
"Nah. They asked me alot of questions about you. I played dumb."
"Was it hard?"- Percy, Annabeth, Rachel, The Battle of the Labyrinth

"No, no. Rainbows. Very macho." - Leo , The Lost Hero

"Rainbows, ponies."
"I'm gonna toss you off this chariot."- Leo and Butch, The Lost Hero

"Annabeth! I said you could borrow the chariot, not destroy it." - Will, The Lost Hero

"Vulcan? I dont even LIKE Star Trek." Leo, The Lost Hero

"Aphrodite took my snowboarding jacket. Mugged by my own mom." - Piper, The Lost Hero

Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades.”

Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"

"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"

"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.”

In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day.

Dreams like a podcast,

Downloading truth in my ears.

They tell me cool stuff."

"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.

He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."

"A god named Fred?”

The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."

"It was probably important to her.”

You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.

“It seemed weird calling a teenager 'sir' but I'd learned to be careful with immortals. They tended to get offended easily. Then, they blew stuff up.”

“What if it lines up like it did in the Trojan War ... Athena versus Poseidon?"

"I don't know. But I just know that I'll be fighting next to you."

"Why?"

"Because you're my friend, Seaweed Brain. Any more stupid questions?”

“People are more difficult to work with than machines. And when you break a person, he can't be fixed.”

“Wow," Thalia muttered. "Apollo is hot."

"He's the sun god," I said.

"That's not what I meant.”

“Jumping out a window five hundred feet above ground is not usually my idea of fun. Especially when I'm wearing bronze wings and flapping my arms like a duck.”

“I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush.”

“Rachel: You're a half-blood, too?

Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?

Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care.”

“She glared at me like she was about to punch me, but then she did something that surprised me even more. She kissed me.

"Be careful seaweed brain." She said putting on her invisible cap and disappearing.

I probably would have sat there all day, trying to remember my name, but then the sea demons came.”

“She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish.”

“God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!

Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!”

“The cafe windows wrapped all the way around the observation floor, which gave us a beautiful panoramic view of the skeleton army that had come to kill us.”

“It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.”

“[My mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.”

“Can you surf really well, then?"

I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.

"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."

He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)”

“Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or..."

"Or we'll die?" I guessed.

"Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes."

"Let's avoid the swords," I decided.”

“I don't recommend shadow travel if you're scared of:

a) The dark

b) Cold shivers up your spine

c) Strange noises

d) Going so fast you feel like your face is peeling off

In other words, I thought it was awesome.”

“It's him," I said. "Typhon."

I was seriously hoping Chiron would say something good, like 'No, that's our huge friend Leroy! He's going to help us!”

“Jason scratched his head. "You named him Festus? You know that in Latin, ‘festus’ means ‘happy’? You want us to ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon?”

“She glanced at the minotaur horn in my hands, then back at me. I imagined she was going to say, You killed a minotaur! or Wow, you're so awesome! or something like that.

Instead she said, "You drool when you sleep.”

I told Tantalus to go chase a doughnut. ”

“I love New York. You can pop out of the Underworld in Central Park, hail a taxi, head down Fifth Avenue with a giant hellhound loping behind you, and nobody even looks at you funny.”

No! Even if you are half barnyard animal, you're my best friend and I don't want you to die!

“Before I could figure out how to apologize for being such an idiot, she tackled me with a hug, then pulled away just as quickly. "I'm glad you're not a guinea pig."

"Me, too." I hoped my face wasn't as red as it felt.”

“My brother broke into a toothy grin. "Yay! Your brain works!”

“The throne rumbled. A wave of gale-force anger slammed into me.

WHO DARES-

The voice stopped abruptly, The anger retreated, which was a good thing, because just those two words had almost blasted my mind to shreds.

Percy. My fathers voice was still angry but more controlled. What-exactly-are you doing on my throne?

"I'm sorry, Father," I said. "I needed to get your attention."

This was a very dangerous thing to do. Even for you. If I hadn't looked before I blasted, you would now be a puddle of seawater.”

“Percy (to Annabeth): If I was going to pick one person in the world to reattach my head, I'd pick you.

Silena: Awww . . . Percy, that is so sweet!

“Um...is that thing tame?" Frank said.

The horse whinnied angrily.

"I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'.”

“I'm calm," Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monsters attack us. What's to be nervous about?"

"Look," I said. "I'm sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you our or anything."

"Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb."

"Was it hard?" Annabeth asked.”

“My mother made a squeaking sound that might of been either "yes" or "help".

Poseidon took it as a yes and came in.

Paul was looking back and forth between us, trying to read our expressions.

Finally he stepped forward.

"Hi, I'm Paul Blofis."

Poseidon raised an eyebrow and then shook his hand.

"Blowfish, did you say?"

"Ah, no. Blofis, actually."

"Oh, I see," Poseidon said. "A shame. I quite like blowfish. I am Poseidon."

"Poseidon? That's an interesting name."

"Yes, I like it. I've gone by other names, but I do prefer Poseidon."

"Like the god of the sea."

"Very much like that, yes"

"Well!" My mother interrupted. "Um, were so glad you could drop by. Paul, this is Percy's father."

"Ah." Paul nodded, though he didn't look real pleased. "I see."

Poseidon smiled at me. "There you are, my boy. And Tyson, hello, son!"

"Daddy!" Tyson [shouted]...

Paul's jaw dropped. He stared at my mother. "Tyson is..."

"Not mine," she promised. "It's a long story.”

“Can we just call them storm spirits?” Leo asked. “Venti makes them sound like evil espresso drinks.”

“Leo: Rainbows. Very macho.

Annabeth: Butch is our best equestrian, he gets along great with the pegasi.

Leo: Rainbows, ponies...

Butch: I'm gonna toss you off this chariot.”

-Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.

-Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

-Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

-Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?

-There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.

-Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

-I'm going to live forever, or die trying.

-If I had something good to say, I would have already said it.

-Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a looser at the same time.

-Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.

-Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

-Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.

-I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

-Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

-When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

-Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

-You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder!

-They say "Guns don't kill people kill people." But I think a gun helps, you know? If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people, would you?

-I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!

-That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.

-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

-Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you exactly why it's not. How true.

-I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist. I think Einstein managed to do that, to...

-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

-There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. Teachers must live by this rule.

-Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.

-High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.

-I'm not short, I'm fun-sized.

-I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago : )

-Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us

-Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.

-You want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over

-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Random Stuff:

Whoever said that nothing's impossible obviously hasn't tried slamming a revolving door.

Whoever said "Words don't hurt" obviously hasn't gotten a hard-back encyclopedia thrown at his head before.

When the going gets tough, kick whoever made it that way.

Behind every great man is a woman shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you leap off a cliff, I laugh harder.

If you can't beat 'em, join'em. If you can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If you can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If you can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If you can't kill 'em, you’re screwed.

Rhetorical questions are persuasive, aren't they?

He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke at first.

Life is difficult. It's full of trials, sorrow and pain. However, if you fall down, just stand up straight, be confident and say... "WHICH IDIOT PUSHED ME?!"

Silence is gold. Duct tape is silver.

If you do it, you'll regret it. If you don't do it, you'll regret it. Either way, you're still gonna regret it, so why not just do it?

A mechanic once told someone, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

A drunken man once said this to a cop. "Here Officer, hold my beer while I find my license."

Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Best friends for life! ...or at least 'till our next fight.

Isn't it funny how a heart shape is just two teardrops upside down?

I'm only smiling 'cos I have no idea what's going on.

Before Love, my heart was a black hole. After Love, I din't have a heart, I still dunno which is worse.

I'm sure someone in this world cares that you're alive... It just isn't me.

I looked up at the stars one night and thought, "Where the heck did my ceiling go?!"

People say life's short. I say I'm shorter.

As an older, more mature adult, your job is to...make fun of the little kids!

There are easier things in life than finding a good lover. Like nailing a Jell-O to a tree, for instance.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you realize that you're on fire? Do you remember to stop, drop and roll? Or do you just start running around in circles, screaming, "I'M ON FIRE!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!"

I was never anyone's friend in the first place, therefore I can't be called a traitor.

If a safety pin, duct tape or a band-aid can't fix it, then you have a serious problem.

Give me a chance to shine and I will blind the world!

Three people can keep a secret if two are dead.

I'm gonna live forever!...Or die trying.

A man walked into a bar and said..."OUCH!!"

War doesn't determine who's right, it determines who's left.

Come to the dark side, we have cookies!

I went to the dark side. Yeah, they lied about the cookies.

Dear Dark Side, you may have the cookies, but we have the MILK!

I stopped fighting with my inner demons. We're on the same side now.

OMG! THE RAIN'S WET!

I'm not AD--Ooh, look, a butterfly!

ADOSH: Attention Deficit-Ohh Shiny Thing

I'm a dinosaur, so, like, rawr and stuff.

God made men first, then he had a better idea!

Nope, can't go to Hell. Satan still has that restraining order against me...

I reject your reality and substitute my own.

Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we continue flying...on broomsticks.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan goes, "Oh, shit, she's up!"

I'm probably the coolest dork you'll ever meet.

I'm cute...now give me my cookies.

Boys in books are just...Better!

It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.

You couldn't handle me...even in your wildest dreams.

ADHD writer: Once upon a -- no...There was once a -- no...THE END! .

P.M.S: Pissed At Men Syndrome

You know you're a geek when procrastination doesn't affect your grades. Very true!

I have nothing against God, it's his fan club I can't stand! Again, so true!

I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is human’s way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.

I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking too good, either.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak.

This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.

They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

If you've ever yelled at an inanimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If that inanimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, copy and paste this into your profile.