Greetings to all you fanfiction.net readers and writers out there! Our names are Julia and Tirzah. We shall not give you our last names, for we do not want to be tracked down to sign any autographs.
We are best friends, and we share this account. During the school year, we can pretty much update at any time. Come summer, Julia is in camp. Bleh. Damn camp.
We ask you a favor: PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE. Go to our home page. Tirzah put a greal deal of work into it, and Julia has helped. =D We'd love it if you'd just drop by to leave a comment or something. It'd make us happy! And happy writers= good stories.
Weduhno. Just visit, please! We are completely and utterly obsessed with Twilight. And the rest of the series for that matter. We wish we were Cullens’, (but sadly, unfortunately, miserably, and upsettingly…we’re not.) We both write fan fictions. Tirzah more than Julia, because she is "a better writer". It was Julia's idea to begin the "17..." series. Some are by Tirzah, some are by Julia. Tirzah works on "Forever Mine" and "A Whole New World". Julia has completed "17 Things Edward Cullen Would Never Say" and "17 Ways To Know You're Obsessed With Twilight". We work on "Darkeinu" together, and since we both go to different schools, it won't be updated as often.

Okay. THIS is the link to our website. Right here. Riiiight here. Here you go:
Visit!

And this-ie here is Tirzah's deviant page on deviantart.com. Squee freaking hee. Hee. Unfortunately, she has no idea HOW the heck to get anything up. So for now, it has two things. A Twilight icons background, two penguin drawings from the program Paint that don't even LOOK like penguins, and a Edward and Bella AIM buddy icon. Pretty exciting, hmm?

Check out the funny quotes from good times with buddies at the bottom! =D You'll laugh. We promise.

Check out the story type thing "Updates". Tirzah decided that putting all of the updates in a story type thing would be easier than our profile seeing as no on ereally visits our profile...

Tirzah: FAVORITE PAIRINGS!
Howl and Sophie- "Howl's Moving Castle" (SQUEAL)
Aladdin and Jasmine- "Aladdin" (Humph. I. Want. Aladdin.)
San and Ashitaka- "Princess Mononoke" (God dammit. They decided to stay FRIENDS. AGH!)
Prince Zuko and Katara- "Avatar: The Last Airbender" (Damn Mai.)
Edward and Bella- "Twilight" (Nuffsaid. =D)
Jasper and Alice- "Twilight" (I. Love. Alice! And Jasper is awesome, too.)
Emmett and Rosalie- "Twilight" (YAY for Emmett!)
Carlisle and Esme- "Twilight" (Carlisle got his masters degree in SEXY...heh...)
Jacob and Renesmee- "Twilight"/ "Breaking Dawn" (Renesmee kicks arse.)

Tirzah- Beg for more chapters from/ Reach/ talk/ bug/ annoy the hell outta me at VampGrlz271@aol.com

Eyes- Dark Brown, with SWEET AWESOME NEW Purple glasses.

Hair- Dark Brown, curly. And frizzy. Don't forget frizzy.

Skin- Tanned. Sorta kinda. It's fades in the Winter. XD

Age- 13

Grade- 8th, going into 9th! -SQUEAL-

Occupation- ……..successful student? I guess? Pfft. YEAH RIGHT. :D Possibly amateur (spelling?) artist. Collage, anime, pottery, comics...or maybe an author? Hmmm...I COULD be a comedian. What do you think? Any suggestions?

Julia- I LOVE NCIS! this is one of my favorite copy and pastes:I love krispy kreme donuts, EVERYONE loves kripsy kreme donuts... put this on you profile if you live for Tiva.(Tony and Ziva)

Eyesblue and Brown, with new glasses!

Hair- Short and reddish.

Skin- Pale-ish

Age- Ask, if you must.

Grade- Basically the same as age. Ask if you must.

Occupation- Successful lacrosse player. WEEHOO!

NOTE: I, Tirzah, got rid of the links for A Whole New World and Forever Mine because they weren't working anymore.
Thanks.

ANOTHER NOTE: I, Tirzah, am also not accepting any requests for lines. I've been getting PMs asking me to use certain lines, and I do (this is for the story A New Whole New World by the way.) I also keep forgetting to give credit. XD So, I give credit now to any people who suggested lines for AWNW. But, I'm not accepting requests anymore. Thanks!

General Randomness- Julia

A friend helps you when you fall; a best friend says "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A friend gives you their umbrella when it rains; a best friend takes your's and says "RUN, BITCH, RUN!"

A friend wipes your tears when you're rejected; a best friend walks up to him and says "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A friend will bail you out of jail; a best friend will be in the room next to you saying "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!

A friend lets you cry on their shoulder, a best friend has a shovel, ready to kill and bury the ass hole that made you cry.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If you are absolutly in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional charater Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile

If you truly believe, there is an Edward Cullen somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Edward Cullen), copy this into your profile.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both (or gay).

It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken.

Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires and he knew it wasn't right but he lied and told them there was no candy left anyway.

Bella saw the children dressed as werewolves and vampires trading candy and laughing and wondered why couldn't it be like that in real life.

If you constantly have 'I love Edward Cullen' rants, copy and paste this into your profile

If you wish you were Bella Swan, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have gotten more than three of your friends addicted to Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile

If you slap anyone who tells you that Edward Cullen is not real, copy and paste this into your profile

If you hate Jacob Black, copy and paste this into your profile

"Stupid shiny Volvo driver." ~Bella (laughed very hard... again, dunno why...)

"Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV." ~Jacob (this was very odd...)

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not." ~Bella

"And I should feel sorry that you're not sorry, but I don't." ~Edward (I laugh when people repeat the same word more than twice in any sentence)

"I don't have any leeches on speed dial." ~Jacob (this just seemed so diss-ish)

More Randomness- Julia

"You are a frightening little monster."~Jasper (I laughed incredibly hard at this line)

"Just remember. It's your face." ~Edward (true... true...)

"Penguins, lovely." ~Edward (poor Edward... poor penguins! Must go on rebellion about penguin killing, lmfao)

"...because you are bizarrely moral for a vampire." -Bella Swan

If you have ever tried blocking your thoughts about how gorgeous Edward Cullen is because you don't want gorgeous Edward Cullen to hear, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile (we were at orientation, and I kept thinking of the Cullens.)

If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight that whenever you hear thunder you think of vampires playing baseball. Copy and paste this into your profile.

Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901

If you are frequently told to be quiet/shut the hell up, copy and paste this into your profile

If you can't wait for Breaking Dawn to come out copy and paste this into your profile

OMC-Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. That and every one of us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God.

AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder.

AV is Addicted to Vampires

WBWAVS is Wishing Bella Was A Vampire Syndrome

LES is Love Edward Syndrome

LJS is Love Jasper Syndrome

WIWAVS is Wishing I Was A Vampire Syndrome

Jacob needs to jump off a cliff for non-recreational purposes

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE!

If people ever mistake you for a vampire (-cough- or you are one -cough cough-) copy and paste this to your profile.

Things With Friends That Will Probably Make You Question Our General Well Being and Sanity- Tirzah
(We have seriously messed up minds.)
(Also, if you see any of these quotes anywhere else, they're not the person's who's profile has them. Meaning, all of these are me and my friend's ideas, and not anyone else's. If you want to use these on your profile, you have to give credit. Please.)

"I can't believe you just mopped up my ginger ale with this super absorbent maxi pad. What were you THINKING?!" - Me

"Spaz-tastic!" - Julia

"Carlisle, would you be a dear and get me a spot of tea? Thank you." - Me

"Look! It's our friend! Henrick the Seagull!" -Julia

"His name is Jasper? I was thought his name was Henrick." - Our Friend Ari

"Come do the soldier chicken with me, Julia!" - Me

"Yo, Tirzah! How's it crack-a-lacking?" - Our Friend Rebecca

"I'm crack-a-lacking A-OKAY!" - Me

"Tremble and cower before...KUMQUAT KOOKIE K-PERSON." - My Friend Alona

"Just call me WONDERFUL WAFFLE WOMAN! You wanna be Fantastic Fruitloop Friend?" - Me

"Edward is like a over-sized disco ball, okay?" - Me

"Let's fling a blueberry at that little girl right there!" - Julia

"You sound like an eskimo, and look like someone from the 60's. Deal with it, Tirzah." - Our Friend Ari

"FRICKIN-LICIOUS!" - My Friend Alona

"Hell to the yeah!" - Me

"Wonderful Waffle Woman and Kumquat Kookie K-Person UNITE!" - My Friend Alona

"Hyenas on crack! Wait, no, no. PEDOPHILES on crack!" - Me

"Waldo the pony craps glitter and rainbows for all the good little children. Okay?" -Our Friend Rebecca

"Happy Floogleburger, Ari!" - Julia and Me

"Ari, you are a Butternut. And you are a Butternut because there are such things as Butternut squashes. And a very select few enjoy squashes. Meaning, Ari, very select few enjoy you. Congratulations." - Julia and Me

"Has Santa come to punish me?" - Our Friend Sarz

"Jacob is and always will be an over-sized space heater. He is special that way." - Me

"OMG! A POTATO!" - Our Friend Rachel F.

"You're not hyper, Tirzah. You're just stupid." - Our Friend Rebecca

"I EMBRACE my hyperness and insanity with open arms!" - Me

"Embrace the pain! Pain is good!" - Our Friend Rebecca

"The appointed closing time is YOUR MOM." - Our Friend Sarz

"HOT DAMN!" - Our Friend Sarz

Me: I love you.
Rebecca: Nipples.
Rebecca: Oh, I'm sorry. That was completely inappropriate.
Me: XDDD

"As of now, you are blind. Congratulations." - Me

"It DOES have to do with llamas? SICK DIZZLE." - Our Friend Rebecca

"Bob the llama became the king of all llamas after Walter The Fourth (and the last) got booted from the throne. And now YOU, Rebecca, ARE HIS LLAMA QUEEN."

"FEAR WALTER THE LLAMA." - Me

Rebecca: AND THEN WE DID IT. CROSS BREEDING HAS NEVER BEEN SO HOT.
Me: YOU CROSS BRED WITH A LLAMA?!
Rebecca: Indeed I did. Oh, baby.
Me: CONGRATULATIONS. What's the little nudger's name?
Rebecca: Your mom.
Me: Of course.

"I said baby shower. Idiot." - Rebecca

Rebecca: What do llamas get at llama showers?
Me: A basket of assorted vegetables.
Rebecca: YUM.

"Well...can't you freaking eat the salami and type at the same time?" - Me

Online Robot: Would you like me to call you Mary?
Me: Yes, yes I would.
Online Robot: You said your name was Dagmar but now I'll call you Mary.
Me: THAT'S MARRY POPPINS TO YOU.

"Are you actually choosing molten hot cheese and baked bread over me?!" - Me

"His eyes! Are like!...BEAUTIFUL! And...his SMILE! Is...SO...like...DREAMY!" - My friend Alona

"And how is my muffinly sex-ay vampire sis-tah today?" - My friend Alona

"I AM a murderer. Tee hee hee. I bit the head off of an animal...cracker." - Me

"Did you miss me, my fellow idiots?" - Me

"Face it, Tirzah. You're a freakazoid." - Julia

"Bad. Dog, Julia. Bad- OHMYGOD, DOG!" - Me

"Ryan Ross has a beautiful behind." - Our friend Sarz

"I wanna be the horse's rear end with Tirzah!" - Sarz

"I think Tirzah should be the horse's ass." - Our friend Rebecca

"You know why you should feel special, Recca? Because you're speed dial 955 on my new cell phone." - Me

"Holy red heffer!" - Me

"I don't give a flying camel." - Me and Our friend Sarz

"For the love of flying purple camels, no!" - Me

"He looks like a gopher in this picture...but a cute gopher." - Julia

Me: Hey, Recca. Wanna hear this definition of this word that so toally describes us when we talk about Martin Johnson?
Rebecca: Yes.
Me: Fangirl: Rabid breed of human female who is obsessed with a fictional character, actor, or singer.
Recca: XDDD
Me: So, we're rabid?
Recca: We're rabid.
Me: We're rabid. Huh.
Rebecca: Mmhmm.
Me: In your case though, wouldn't it be a rabid LLAMA?
Rebecca: Uh...what sound would a rabid llama make? How about: -Rabid llama-
Me: EEEEUUURRRWWW.
Rebecca: No. Just...no.

Me: Hee hee hee.
Rebecca: What?
Me: Hee hee hee. Julia and I are twins, but we, Rebecca, we are sisters.
Rebecca: W-what?
Me: That's right. Sisters.
Rebecca: You know, that makes you...
Me: A HAMSTER?!
Rebecca: The sister of a rabid llama.
Me: Oh...dang.

Rebecca: Tirzah, I have to go. Homework. Talk to you later, hunneh.
Me: No, wait! ...urm...uh...COME BACK MY LLAMA!
Rebecca: Yeah, okay, no. BYE.
Me: No! DON'T GO! ...uh...I AM YOUR HAMSTER!
Rebecca: Okay, NO. Bye.

Me: Come 'ere, Recca!
Rebecca: I can't. We live too far apart.
Me: That's a-okay! I have my driver's liscense, though I am a mere 12 year old.
Rebecca: ...YOU WHAT?!

Rebecca: I'm going to change my name, my hair color, move to Switzerland, and live with sheep so you can't find me.
Me: I can communicate with sheep.
Rebecca: Mmhmmm. That's nice.
Me: I understand them, and they understand me. -Cackle-
Rebecca: ...
Me: FLY, MY PRETTIES, FLY!
Rebecca: Uh, no. You're confusing pigs with sheep. Pigs can fly. Sheep can't.
Me: Yes, they can. For I am...SHEEP...ER...LADY.
Rebecca: What an extravagant name.
Me: And I can MAKE them fly.
Rebecca: Psh, Tirzah, you idiot. You're confusing sheep with pigs. Sheep can't fly. But those pigs, now THEY can fly.
Me: Nu-uh. I have a pack of puce flying sheep. I will set them on you.
Rebecca: Are they going to rape me?
Me: No, you silly Reckles! The LLAMAS already raped you! Pfft.
Rebecca: Ooh, right. Man, that was some party.
Me: Er...

"GARGHFLUCKLES!" - Me

"Tirzah, meet Priscilla the penguin. Priscilla the penguin, meet Tirzah." -Rebecca

Rebecca: My friend Celia kicks your friend Celia's butt.
Rebecca: Oh, WAIT. You don't HAVE a friend named Celia.
Rebecca: OH. BURNED. DISSED. DISSED AND DISMISSED.
Me: Actually, I DO have a friend named Celia.
Rebecca: Oh. Er...well then.
Me: She's my IMAGINAAAARY friend. Along with Bailey, Ben, Jason, and Edward!
Rebecca: Freak.

Rebecca: Admit it, Tirzah. You're laughing right now.
Me: No, because then I'd be choking too. Because I'm eating.
Rebecca: That was the point, Honeybuns Tuna Cake.
Me: ...
Rebecca: Yum.
Me: ...what did you call me?!
Rebecca: Honeybuns Tuna Cake.
Me: I've lost my appetite.

"Tirzah? Do you make funny noises when someone presses your nose hard?" -Rebecca

"EUUUURRRRRGGHH." -Me

"Rebecca...you're so pretty...and you look like a pig." -Our Friend Avi

"SNORK!" -Rebecca

"Are you voting Rebecca for sexy? Because I am." - Our Friend Avi

"Rebecca...you're so sexy...and you look like an octopus." Our Friend Avi

Avi: Tirzah...you're so sexy...and you look like a panther.
Rebecca: Wait, why does SHE get the good animal?
Avi: Fine. Tirzah...you're so pretty...and you look like an iguana.

Rebecca: Tirzah?
Me: Yes?
Rebecca: You scare me.
Me: Why?
Rebecca: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY?

"Gimme your toe, Julia!" - Me

"Good morning, sunshine!" - Julia

Me: What are you smoking?
Julia: Applesauce!

-Old lady voices-
Julia: When I turn around, I'm going to see a delectable sight! Hotness in human form! -Drools at hot boy on screen-
Me: Wait, Julia! I don't think that's appropriate! After all, you are a 60 year old lady!
Julia: -Manic smile- POT BELLY! PEDOPHILE!

-Old lady voices-
Julia: You crazy kid! Get off our lawn!
Me: Or else we'll run you over with the lawnmower! Fear it, fear the lawnmower!
-Silence-
Me: OW, MY HIP!
-Julia starts laughing, which turns into coughing-

"This would be so much more awkward if I had a boner right now." -"Cupcake", Julia's friend

"you were like, AHHHHHHHH, because you landed in Pakistan with the bomb!... and i was like, FWOOSH" - Julia to her little brother after beating him at his own video-game

Me: Okay, Julia. Let me lay this down for you. Zuko has Topaz eyes, awesome black hair, pale skin, and a freaking awesome scar over his eye in the shape of a PEAR. I. LIKE. Zuko.
Julia: -Swims away slowly- (We were at the beach, in the ocean, freezing our limbs off)

Sarz: I want an effin pretzel!
Me: Yeah, well, you can't have any of MY pretzels.
Rebecca: Hey, guys?
Me and Sarz: Yeah?
Rebecca: I'm going to ding dong your effin pretzel!
Me and Sarz: ...
Rebecca: Wait, no, no. I'm going to effin pretzel your DING DONG!

"Make him lumpy, but in a good way!" -Sara

So I was drawing this imaginary boyfriend for our friend Sara and...
Sara: Make him muscular!
Me: Iduhno how!
Sara: No, just make him more buff!
Me: But I can't! I don't know how!
Sara: Make him lumpy, but in a good way!
Me: WHAT?!
Sophie: Here. I'll do it. -Attempts to draw on Damien, the drawing-
Me: -Pulls Damien the drawing away- DON'T YOU TOUCH A HAIR ON HIS WITTLE HEAD!
Sarz: Do you mean his head...or his HEAD?
Sophie: Can I touch a hair on his head?
Me: GAH. Gah, gah, GAH!

Sophie: I just tried to draw a...thing on him! It's not a big deal! It's not scary!
Me: Not on one my creations, you don't!
Me: ...NO, NO! Not like THAT! No!
Sophie: -Cracks up- Creations...

Rebecca: Giant male cats are to hot too trot. Too cool for school. Too sexy for my pepsi.
Me: But that's not RIGHT! You already cross bred with Bob the llama! You and Bob the llama have a very unique, true, special kind of love! You are the llama queen!
Rebecca: I am also willing too be peed on by a giant cat. I don't care.
Me: But...LLAMA!

Julia: You know how Ari mistook Jasper's name for Henrick? And then we named that segull we saw Henrick in honor of Jasper?
Me: Yeah...why?
Julia: What if we saw another segull and named it Henrick!
Me: But there are millions of segulls here! We're at the beach!
Julia: Well, we'll find a special one.
Me: They're all special.
Julia: Then let's name them all Henrick?
Me: Works for me!

Sara: I'm mad.
Me: IT'S TIME FOR DOCTOR PHIL! ...TIRZAH!
Sara: HE IS A PEDOPHILE.
Me: So. Sara. Why exactly ARE you angry?
Me: Make sure the audience knows! This is live television.
Sara: Hi, mom!

"Ma'am, I'm afraid you're going to have to exit the porter potty. It needs to fumigated." -Our Friend Amalia

"Bella the apple is no more!" - Our Friend Amalia

"So, we named this apple Bella and we wanted Edward the llama to eat her, but James, Victoria, and Laurent the sheep got to her first." -Julia

"Oh, I have an alternate ending for Eclipse! As a last human experiance, Edward took Bella apple picking. Suddenly, Bella magically turned into an apple. Edward was distraught. Bella was happy as an apple. And Edward found a person who looked exactly like Bella at the apple orchard, but was named Betty-Lou. One day, he came back to the orchard with Betty-Lou. He found the Bella apple so appatizing even though he was a vampire, that he ate it with the help of ALL the Cullens. THE END!" -Me

Me: Conrad the edible yellow vegetable poses with porn stars.
Rebecca: ...EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWWEWWEWEWEWEW.

Me: Noooo!
Rebecca: Er. YES.
Me: YOU MONSTER.
Rebecca: ...
Rebecca: Huh.

Rebecca: I miss him. I don't know why I miss him so much. I shouldn't miss him this much. I talked to him like two or three days ago. But I miss him so much.
Me: Hmm...Okay. When I say the MAGIC WORD, he shall appear outside your window with a guitar singing, "We're All In This Together" from HSM.
Rebecca: ...why that song? Why not something ROMANTIC?
Me: Because. It's sexy.
Rebecca: Yeah...no.

Me: Yes.
Me: YES.
Me: YES!
Rebecca: What are you DOING? Are you like, orgasming or something? Why are screaming "YES" over and over?
Me: No?

Rebecca: Kbye.
Me: Noo!
Rebecca: Yes.
Me: NO, PLEASE!
Rebecca: I have to GO. Now.
Me: Please! MRS. NORM!
Rebecca: ...Bye.
Me: Don't LEAVE ME!
Rebecca: -Leaves you-
Rebecca S. has Signed Off
Me: Noooo!

"OhmyGerard." -Me

"I can totally picture Edward getting turned on and getting an erection from llama sex on wikipedia, and Bella being all pissed." -Julia

Me: That's a GOOD idea!
Julia: I'm just full of 'em today.
Me: OhmyGerard! That's what SHE said!

"My mom has three banned words: gay, retarded, and queer. Apparently, queer means gay...I don't know." -Julia

"By the way, Ari. You're a butternut!" (Rimshot) -Julia

Rebecca: I'm doing homework, and I feel sick...
Me: I'll make you a cartoon to make you feel ALL better!
Rebecca: Aw, -censored-
Me: You will enjoy it, or else.
Rebecca: ...or else what?
Me: Or else I'll make you another cartoon.
Rebecca: What if I don't enjoy THAT one?
Me: Then you will DROWN in PILES of cartoons.
Rebecca: What if I don't enjoy THOSE?

Me: Recca! Would you like a cartoon of...
Rebecca: No. I would not like a cartoon.
Me: One) an apple, two) a pumpkin, three) a penguin, four) a muffin, or five) assorted vegetables.
Rebecca: None.
Me: Pick a freaking number.
Rebecca: Six.

Rebecca: I'd rather run through a supermarket naked yelling at old people than let HIM see this profile.
Me: ...
Rebecca: OH GOD.
Rebecca: YOU WILL NOT.
Me: OH.
Rebecca: You will NOT
Me: OHMYGOD. XDDDDD
Rebecca: Why, you little -censored-
Me: XDDDDD OH, BUT I WILL.
Rebecca: -Curls up into a ball and dies-
Rebecca: Thanks. My life is ruined now. Have a cupcake.
Me: Oh. A cupcake. Don't mind if I do.

Rebecca: Shut the f. up or I'll stab you with a chocolate covered knife. And it WON'T be pretty.
Me: ...
Rebecca: But it WOULD be tasty.
Me: My blood mixed with chocolate? Um. Ew.
Rebecca: Um...yum.
Rebecca: And I'd take a picture for him. I think he has a blood fetish.

Rebecca: Considering that I have a SMALL chance with him, and let's face it. You have no chance with Gerard.
Me: WHA?!
Rebecca: Not trying to crush your dreams or life or anything...XDD
Me: Shuzzup, foo. I -pounds heart three times- believe.
Rebecca: ...I don't.
Me: Shuzzup, foo. I -pounds heart three times- believe.
Rebecca: You say that a lot.
Me: Shuzzup, foo. I -pounds heart three times- believe.
Rebecca: Yes...I know.
Me: Shuzzup, foo. I -pounds heart three times- believe.
Rebecca: ?!
Me: Shuzzup, foo. I -pounds heart three times- believe.
Rebecca: Are you like, POSSESSED?!
Me: Shuzzup. Foo.
Rebecca: STFU

Me: No, seriously. Shuzzup goo. I'm listening to music.
Rebecca: Goo. Gooooo. Goooooooooooooooo.
Me: Gooooo. Gooey. Goooooey. Goooooooooey.
Rebecca: Nice. Way to kill a joke, Tirzah. GEEZ.
Me: Shuzzup.
Rebecca: ...-Rebecca: YUDAFOO. FOO.
Me: Naw. YUDAFOO. FOO.
Me: It's like food! FOOd! But without the D!
Rebecca: Are you like...high or something? Because I care about you. However little. And getting high is bayud, mmmmmmkay?
Me: I am thinking about Gerard. Is that explanation enough?
Rebecca: ...YUDAFOO. Foo.

"Yudafoo, mah fo shizzle foohoo. Foo." -Me

Rebecca: FOO SOUNDS LIKE POO.
Me: OHMYGOD, yes. That makes me happy. Very happy.
Rebecca: Hopefully not too happy.
Me: I am a happy foo. You. Yudastupidfoo.
Rebecca: NO. Yudastupidfoo. Foo.
Me: No. IamdaSMARTfoo. Foo.

"Hudafoo? Yudafoo. Foohoo. Foo. Foohoo." -Rebecca

Rebecca: Welcome to McHappy. May I take our order?
Me: Uh, yeah. I'll take a burger, and fries.
Rebecca: Squirrel or gopher?
Me: ...Eh, excuse me?
Rebecca: Squirrel burger or gopher burger?
Me: Penguin.
Rebecca: Sorry. No penguin.
Me: Llama?
Rebecca: Fresh out of llama.
Me: Er...
Rebecca: And we don't have platypus either.
Me: Squirrel burger, and gopher fries.
Rebecca: Mmmhmm. And for a drink?
Me: Water.
Rebecca: Got it. Squirrel burger, gopher fries, and soda. That will 99.97.
Me: Wait, WHAT?! All for a burger, fries, and water?!
Rebecca: Soda.
Me: Water.
Rebecca: Have a nice day, Sir. -Hangs up-
Me: WAIT, WHAT?!

Me: Stop staring at me while I'm doing that!
Rebecca: That's what she said!

Me: Don't you hurt my figs!
Sophie: -Cough- Whose figs?
Me: Why, your figs.
Sophie: I like my figs!
Me: Then you can have these figs. -Dumps container of figs onto Sophie's plate-
Sophie: Ew, I was kidding!

Michael: Murder!
Me: REDRUM!
Michael: Rape!
Me: EPAR!
Michael: -Twitch twitch-

"I don't think the president would be dumb enough to steal a cookie." -Ms. Alexis, Julia's History teacher

Me: WE HAVE TO CREATE SOMETHING FUNNY.
Rebecca: Geez. That will so hard. Vagina.
Me: ...XDDD
Rebecca: Look, there we go.

Rebecca: You know what I hate, Tirzah?
Me: Yeah?
Rebecca: I hate girls who wear miniskirts and uggs at the same time. Miniskirts are summer. Uggs are winter. It's like...pick a season, you ho!

Miriam: Tirzah, what happened to your celery? -Points to cup of celery which has been drenched in tomato sauce-
Me: Dorie dumped my celery in my tomato sauce.
Dorie: -Cough- That sounded wrong. Oh so wrong.

"Bweehargh!" -Me

Me: -Hands Dorie a cheeze-it- Here! Wanna cheeze-it?
Dorie: Oh, thanks! -About to put said cracker in her mouth- -Stops- WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO IT?!
Me: Nothing! -Giggle- -Giggle- -Uncontrollable giggles-
Dorie: You did something! I know you did! You're laughing!
Rachel 1#: She's laughing because she's nervous and she's nervous because she's scared of you. And she's scared of you because she made you angry by dumping celery in your food.
Dorie: No! She did something to it! I know she did! What'd you poison it with?!
Me: Nothing! -Giggle- Honestly! -Giggle- -Snort- -Attempts to muffle uncontrollable giggling with sweatshirt sleeve-
Dorie: She's nervous because she's scared of me.
Rachel 1#.: Yes.
Me: -Giggle- -Snort- Yes.
Dorie: And she's scared of me because she's scared of what's going to happen when I find out there IS poison in it.
Rachel 1# and Me: No!
Me: -Cracking up because I'm nervous and because what's going on it extremely funny-
Dorie: I know she did something to it.
Me: Hon -giggle- estly! I didn't!

3 hours later...

Me: Hey, Recca. Wanna cheeze-it? -Holds out container-
Rebecca: Oh, sure, thanks...WAIT, WHAT THE -censored- DID YOU DO TO IT?!

Sara: You broke my carrot cup!
Rebecca: I'll put my carrot in YOUR cup.
Alex(andra): I don't want a carrot in my cup!

"When Carob trees fly." - My Torah Shaba'al Peh Teacher

Sara: I LIKE YOU.
Me: I LIKE YOU TOO. So much, in fact, that I made you a special cupcake. It's peach.
Sara: I thought you were allergic.
Me: Actually, nope. I HAVE RECENTLY DISCOVERED (this is the part where you, "aaaah.")
Sara: Aaaah.
Me: THAT ("Ooooh.")
Sara: Ooooh.
Me: I AM ("What the hell? Just get on with it.")
Sara: What the hell? Just get on with it.
Me: THAT I AM INDEED NOT ALLERGIC. ("Eeeehheee!")
Sara: Eeeehheee!
Me: Bweeeeheeeee!
Sara: Beeeehhheeeee!
Me: You can stop copying me now.
Sara: Okay.