Name: Stalker!!!!!!!!!

Age: WTH

Nationality: Well I am ...

Favorite books: Harry Potter, Fablehaven, and Eragon. There are too many to say

Favorite anime: Naruto that is all I need to say

Personality: Well I'm a bit insane

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste."

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it

Notes To Self...Of DOOM!

1. Do not introduce yourself as role-playing character in public.

2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.

3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.

4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.

5. Do not go out in public.

6. Disregard last number. Do number 1-4.

7. Note Expressions.

8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.

9. Floor is slippery when wet.

10. Lake is slippery when dry.

11. Only talk to strangers you know.

12. Strangers you don't know are spies...kill them all.

13. For legal purposes be sure to delete last note.

14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.

15. Kill them for security purposes.

16. Crying doesn't solve anything. Try violent mood swings.

17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.

18. The men in white coats are not your friends.

19. Ask them for a room full of sharp, pointy objects.

20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.

21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, not the best cure for drowning.

22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.

24. Always remember, uh...uh...damn.

25. Train armies of flying monkeys.

26. Goldfish don't like milk.

27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.

28. Find out who invented the word 'pianist'.

29. People are staring at you.

30. So act insane.

31. People are weird but not as weird as me.

32. Do not taunt animals at the zoo. They have feelings...and teeth.

33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.

34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do it as much as possible.

35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry, it's only me. Bonding.

36. Never pet a burning dog.

37. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you're wearing a parka.

38. Naked men dig parkas.

39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.

40. You know what would look good on you?

41. Immolated cockroaches.

42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.

43. The size of Danny DeVito.

44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this.

45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.

46. Stalking is fun. Do it a lot.

47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree."

48. No matter what people say. There is a way into your fantasy world.

49. The way is rum.

50. Constipated people don't give a shit.

51. The Ten Steps to Dying.

a. Fall down.

b. Be rushed to hospital.

c. Not be saved.

d. Be mourned over.

e. Be buried in dirt.

f. Have your grave looted.

g. Rot.

h. Rot.

i. Rot.

j. Have your bones reanimated and used for pain, destruction and terror.

52. You cannot kill the snow.

53. The snow can kill you.

54. Grass can kill you too.

55. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I couldn't get his lucky charms.

56. Catch and castrate leprechaun.

57. He is real...no matter what the men in white say.

58. Staple paper in the middle of the page.

59. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.

60. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.

61. Pretend to be so around the n00bs.

62. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul-sucking demon.

63. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?

64. Go ask Senior Diablo for bigger pitchfork.

65. Remember to kill HIM.

66. Tell the small children in the TOYS 'R' US that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.

67. Note reactions. Avoid parents.

68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.

69. Scream. Doctors don't like it; they give you a shot of something nice.

70. Hide the bodies. Otherwise people will ask embarrassing questions.

71. Eat the evidence.

72. But not if it’s broken glass.

73. If in the presence of someone much wiser then you, point in a random direction and shout, "LOOK, a distraction." Then run.

74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats little children.

75. Disregard last note.

76. Note reactions.

77. On average, 100 people choke to death by ball point pens every year.

78. Stock up on ball point pens.

79. Learn to fly. Tell no one.

80. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

81. Do not stick fingers in a blender.

82. Blender...Bad...Ouch.

83. Blood loss is bad.

84. Find way to reattach fingers.

85. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.

86. Answer every question with a question.

87. Ask people what gender they are.

88. Note reactions.

89. Refer to people as mortal.

90. The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.

91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.

92. Star by drowning them in fire ants.

93. Find the creators of pop-up messages.

94. Kill them.

95. Brutally.

96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.

97. Dunk head in boiling water.

98. Disregard last note. Was written by voice #7.

99. Gullible is written on the ceiling.

100. Investigate this whole 'critical mass' when the klaxon dies down.

More Notes to Self of DOOM!

1. I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.

2. When life gives you lemons... MAKE YAOI!

3. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 17 to smile but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

4. If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

5. I am worse than evil... I am the author!

6. Sorry about being late...I got lost on the path of life.

7. No you don't get it you think you get it which is different than actually getting it get it?

8. There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the hell is happening.

9. People are boring, they are only amusing if you push them down a flight of stairs.

10. When life gives you lemons make grape juice and let the world wonder how you did it.

11. I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours.

12. When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!

13. Uh...define 'normal' for me again.

14. There are three rings in marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

15. It's not incest! It's brotherly love! They're different!

16. "Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!"

17. "Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

18. "Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

19. After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together." The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together.""

21. Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.

20. I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

22. Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.

23. There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?

24. Some people are like a slinky. They have absolutely no use; but you can't help smile, when you see one fall down the stairs.

25. Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

26. I lay at my bed last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the fuck did my ceiling go?!

27. Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING?

28. When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

29. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

30. I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?

31. Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work.

32. Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING.

33. That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.

34. Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules

35. …didn’t need an excuse to go over to the Dark Side…

36. True Love has no happy ending, because True Love has no ending.

37. Don't treat others as you want to be treated, treat others as they treat you.

38. Therapist= The Rapist

39. Unfortunatly, Stupid people are everywhere.

40. You know how to find out your stupid?

41. When you don't know that the numbers 20 and 21 are switched

43. And that there is no 42

44. And you don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

If you truly believe, there is an Edward Cullen somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Edward Cullen), copy this into your profile.

Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts.

1) Seamus Finnigan is not after my lucky charms

2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.

3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class

6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss

7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda

8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar

9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy

10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"

11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches

13) The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball

14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!"

15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor

17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental

18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak

19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"

20) I will not dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.

21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

22) I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells shouting "I got the power!"

23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.

24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom

25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.

26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.

27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"

30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife

32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the Arse" is not an acceptable quidditch chant.

33) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.

34) It is a bad idea to tell Proffesor Mcgonagal that she takes herself too seriously

35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an expirimental spell

36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.

38) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".

There are three kinds of people:
those who make things happen;
those who watch things happen;
and those who don't know what the heck is happening."

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

“I know life is unfair, but could it at least be unfair in by favor?!”

“I’m not random I just have many thoughts.”

“I hear voices and they don’t like you.”

"The evening news always opens by them saying 'Good evening' and then precedes to tell you exactly why it isn't."

People are boring; they are only amusing if you push them down a flight of stairs.

Duct tape is like the force. Dark on one side, light on the other, and it holds the universe together.

Last night I was looking up at the stars, when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the heck's my ceiling?"

Pickles are cucumbers soaked in evil.

It's better to look stupid and keep your mouth closed than to open it and prove it.

OMG! The rains wet.

If at first you don’t succeed...Cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't!

I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait!

If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, then why do they abduct the dumbest people on earth ??

If crime fighters fight crime, and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years.

"I told my psychologist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

“I know life is unfair, but could it at least be unfair in by favor?!”

“I’m not random I just have many thoughts.”

“I hear voices and they don’t like you.”

‘The earth is blue like an orange…”

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest have to test the electric fence for themselves

I once shot a man just to watch him die...but I got distracted and missed it

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car

A friend helps you up when you fall; a best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain; a best friend takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"

A friend wipes your tears when your rejected; a best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

When you get thrown in jail, a good friend will come bail you out. A true friend will be in there with you going "Damn, we fucked up."

Mirrors don’t talk, and luckily for you, they don’t laugh

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me

Bravery is just a nice way of saying stupidity

Ambition is just a lame excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're an idiot

“Learning. Politics. Getting weaker...”

First person: “Just ignore him” Second person: “Yeah evolution did”

“All I heard was blah blah blah, Fate, blah blah blah Fate, blah blah blah Sasuke and something something more fate. But whatever, what I really want to know is how you make you’re hair blow with no wind.”

"So... what you're saying is, I should cancel my plans to invade China."

"Evil Beware; we have waffles."

When in doubt we fight using fish!

"NAGGING! FIRE ONE!"

Now that I've put a smile on the frowning face of the world or scarred you all for life, please enjoy my fanfics!!