I am 18. have black hair, hazel eyes and a mind that scares the ever-loving fuck out of most people I meet. and yes I am female

My profile is meant to entertain. mostly me because who the hell actually reads these?

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or Batman or Iron Man or any other comic book/anime/movie/manga/book character.

Yes I’m single, and you’ll have to be fucking amazing to change that.

Unless you physically see me opening a pad, don’t assume that because I’m angry I’m on my period. It’s seriously annoying, and tonight, while you’re sleeping, I will ‘just assume’ you’re dead, and bury you in the backyard

“You know you love me” Toki

“You make me question my sanity on a daily basis.” Kisame

“Love you too” Toki

--Clearing Mist, by shadownumera

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

Boys are like slinkeys. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?

It's better to keep quiet and let someone think you're stupid, than to open your mouth and prove it.

Yea, you have the right to your own opinion, but I have the right to think you're stupid.

"The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf."

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

Education is important; school however, is another matter.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?

I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into storage.

Love me or hate me. Personally I could care less

"Love me or hate me, Still an obsession" - Lady Sovereign

Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.

The road to success is always under construction.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died

Man invented language to satisfy their deep need to complain

Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet!

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.

For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept…

A quote from Moon Mage Goddess's story Nothing is Impossible for Love to Overcome "(That didn't help me at all!) She groaned mentally. (Why the hell do men have to be so damn confusing! They should be locked up, kept underground, and used only for reproduction!)" -- Kagome

If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Someday, we'll look on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Normal people scare me... But not as much as I scare them.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

That which does not kill me had better run pretty fucking fast.

When in doubt, push the red button

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Anyone who says "As easy as taking candy from a baby" has obviously never tried it.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

If violence isn't solving all your problems you haven't been using enough of it.

97% of teens only go to see the Transformers franchise because of Shia La Beouf and Megan Fox. Copy and paste this if you're one of the other 3% that goes to see robots beating the slag out of each other.

Be the kind of woman who when she wakes up in the morning Satan says, 'oh crap she's up!'

If you cry while reading/writing some fanfics post this on your profile.

Now and then, I announce "I know you're listening" when I’m in a room by myself. If I’m wrong, then nobody knows that I was speaking to myself, and if I'm right, I just freaked out some secret organization.

Relationship Status: Taken - Mentally dating a character that doesn't actually exist

If you've ever cried when listening to Transformers music... If you've ever sworn to be an Autobot/Decepticon... If you've ever compared a guy to a Transformer... If you still read fanfics and watch the films even when people call you a nerd... If you broke your heart when your favorite one died... ...and cheered like hell itself had fallen when they returned to life... ...Post this, fellow Transfan, and know that we are more than meets the eye.

Reasons Not To Mess With Little Kids

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, "Thou shalt not kill."

One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael; he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle, the phone rang, so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_ _

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
_

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
_

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
_

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.