If the avatar, the highly unlikely lives, the bio on Twitter, "favourite authors" and T's profile didn't already make it obvious, Bob and Peter are the creation of Merevaik and Say Goodbye Again for pure fun, giggly entertainment and silly collaboration purposes. Like a puppet show without puppets. No harm is intended. Peace.

Hello, my name is Peter. Peter the Luggage Carrier. I eat table-cloths and love Clint Eastwood. He's dreamy. Certainly sexier than you, that's for sure.

Hiya! My name is Bob the Cookie Plumber. I plumb cookies and love Mulan. Did you know girls can kick some crazy butt? Well she certainly can.

Don't mind Bob, he's high on how sexy Clint Eastwood is. I never agree with Bob. I never say never, either. I'm otherwise sane, twenty four years old and own an Invisibility Cloak. And hate Twilight. Genre 'Trash Literature' isn't really my thing.

Aw, Peter doesn't mean that. Right, Peter? Peter doesn't like agreeing with me because he's an egomaniac. I never say never either because y'know... Peter doesn't like it when I say that because he says: No, I don't know, how can I? He's a bit of a snark. I'm very and I mean very sane, 22 years old and have read Hogwarts: A History more times than Peter's used the Invisibility Cloak. I, too, hate Twilight. It's just so sugary and flowery and rainbows and sunshine. My thing is more death and mystery and Harry Potter.

Hush, I never said such a thing. Bob's just being silly. Ha -- if you've read it, braccae tuae apperiuntur! I am so awesome, it's scary. People die looking at me because I'm so intimidating. Without the sparkle, because that's just stupid. Edward, go get some lotion or whatever women use to cover up their insecurities. See? Sunshine is vitamin D. Can't live without it. I cannot believe sparkly vampires got published. Even my brainless friend Ted agrees with me.

Ha! You said you never said never; Peter, you are a contradiction. Just because I've read it for the purpose of making fun of it, does not mean my zipper is open! In fact, I'm not even wearing pants with a zipper. I am so smug sometimes, but whatever. This may be the only time I agree with Peter, so hush. Yes, Edward. Go get some lotion or makeup, you need it. Sparkles are not manly. At all. I love Ted, he was so smart... when he had the brain.

I never said that the never I never used would never qualify as me never using never. Ha! (I think Bob is actually a nine year old girl. A cute one, though.) But not cuter than Clint here. I'm fluent in Latin and Man. Team Snark all the way. So if you write Edward's perspective, make sure he wouldn't, lyk, cry in every five minutes. Us guys don't like to advertise it, am I right? I am. Is it a surprise? Never.

Yeah, but you also that said the last time you spoke that never was a word you never spoke of and that is generally considered a contradiction, so the next time you decide to use never, remember to never actually use the word never. Never say never, got it? (A nine year old girl?! A cute one?! What is wrong with you, old man?) I am way cuter than Clint Eastwood, just to keep the record books clean. And Team Sarcasm all the way! Snark is a form of sarcasm, Peter. THAT. Edward is a man, of the male species, meaning, he won't care what fabric his shirt is made of. Kapeesh? Yes, Peter. Real men don't advertise their non-existent feminine side. Never.

I worry about Bob's sanity. I never said never, dumbass. (Yes -- if I hadn't met you in real life, that would be my closest guess. My second one is a ninety year old lady, but it's a disgrace to compare you with such experienced women.) Not all of us learn Literature in College. Once I've finished Of Mice and Men, I'll write something hawt and wow you with it. Just wait. (I cannot believe we made an account we share. It's like Christmas with mosquitoes, only yellower.)

My sanity is fairly intact, stop worrying or you'll get an ulcer at your... fine age. Like you even went to college. (snorts) You'll probably end up writing it with me! (Neither can I, how am I supposed to share such limited space with you when your ego keeps taking up half of it?) Despite what you all may think, Peter and I are like two peas in a pod. We can insult each other while pushing the other off a bridge, but we'll always be there to jump off after them... Just to check if it hurt.

Hope we wooed all the wonderful ladies out there!

Sincerely,
Us.

P(S)eter: Don't be fooled, I have degree, 'k? Bob just wants you all for himself. But I am prettier, really.
PSS (or was it PPS?): There goes his ego again.
P(eter)PPS: My ego is little. Very little. (I have an excellent comparison to -cough- but I'll refrain myself. Bob's feelings might get hurt.)

Future Stories:

I Mean it, Shut the Hell up: Bella lives, Edward lives. Deep hatred. Bella dies, Edward laughs. Happily ever after, what more could you possibly want?!

Die, Die I Say!: Once upon a time... Blah, blah, blah. Who likes fluffy stories, anyways? Bring on the blood and guts! Keeping control is a vice, one that'll, ultimately, be the downfall of Edward Cullen. His control slips, and all goes to hell. Dun, dun, dun. AU

We really must work on our seriousness. Maybe we can give up humour for Lent! ... Or not.

Unattainably Close: At the age of twenty four (Bob: I object!), Edward has never (Peter: I object!) had a serious girlfriend. A few dates, sure, but nothing long-lasting. The beautiful girl (B: I object your objection!) with whom he'd gone through high school might have something to do with it, or the fact that he's going to have to share an apartment with the same sweet girl he'd always admired from afar (P: I object you objecting my objection!). Learning Medicine (P: Ooh, Medicine, really? Too many smug comments...), Edward -- on several occasions -- patches up the clumsy, bashful girl. But males aren't blind to her beauty, and he's got to gather up the courage to reveal his infatuation before it's too late. AH

(B: AH? What the heck is AH?)
(P: It's an abbreviation in Twifandom, you dumbass. It's for Absolutely Horny.)
(B: I object! You seriously cannot get away with calling me a dumbass.)
(P: Dumbass. You're in another country, 'course I get away with it.)
(B: Don't make me haul ass there and call you something worse, Meanie Head!)
(P: Shush, you speak like a nine year old girl. You can come all the way up to Norway, I'm still stronger. Somethin' 'bout the Scandinavians.)
(B: I'm calling my lawyer. You're so full of yourself, it's painful.)
(P: Teeny-tiny detail you missed... we share the lawyer, dumbass.)
(B: Whatever, man. I'm the nice one, he'll know I'm right.)
(P: ...except when you aren't.)
(B: That was ONCE and you're still going on about it. Hold a grudge much, little girl?)
(P: Obviously. I, however, have started our story. You can continue when I've uploaded it, m'mkay?)
(B:Oh, have you? That's fantastic!)
(P: I have. You'll laugh yourself into the closet, but other than the invisible shiny elephant sitting on the headline, the story's almost readable. Almost.)
(B: La Dee Daaaa)
(P: Your elaborate wording blows me away, as always.)

@BobandPeter

Don't worry, Bob will follow you back. Peter's just too high on caffeine most of the time.