NickiJacen
 Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter. Hi! Story Information Favorite Books: Harry Potter, Maximum Ride, Uglies, Cryptid Hunters, Left Behind: The Kids, Kiki Strike, Inkheart, The Vampire Chronicles "I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -Iggy, Maximum Ride "We were in a top-secret facility in the middle of Death Valley, officially called 'Freaking Nowhere' on any map, and yet he managed to produce marshmallows." -Max, Maximum Ride "Rawr!" -Fang, Maximum Ride "I had never, ever wanted to kill anyone more, not even last summer when Iggy had shredded my only, favorite pair of non-Goodwill pants to make a fuse long enough to detonate something from fifty feet away." -Max, Maximum Ride "In the dictionary, next to the word stress, there is a picture of a midsize mutant stuck inside a dog crate, wondering if her destiny is to be killed or to save the world." -Max, Maximum Ride "Why was the blind guy playing with matches, you ask? Because he's good at it." -Max, Maximum Ride "Yeah, Camp Bummer. For wayward mutants." -Fang, Maximum Ride "You know what I like about New York? It's full of New Yorkers who are freakier than us." -Gazzy, Maximum Ride "I must have cookies." -Max, Maximum Ride "My favorite? The Institute for Realizing Your Pet's Inner Potential. Anyone who can explain that to me, please drop a line." -Max, Maximum Ride "I don't know about the rest of you who have little voices, but something about mine made me feel compelled to listen to it." -Max, Maximum Ride "We could make traps! Do sabotage! Bombs!" -Gazzy "Let's get out of here. A Ouija board just told me to save the world." -Max, Maximum Ride "Can you giggle while racing for your life and protecting a six-year-old? I can." -Max, Maximum Ride "Nah - this is too original for Hollywood. They do sequels." -Max, Maximum Ride "How did they even know we were up here? Who looks up into a tree?" -Gazzy, Maximum Ride "In this store, he'd exchanged his basic black ensemble for a slightly different basic black ensemble." -Max, Maximum Ride "Hmm. Clear vainilla notes, too sweet chocolate chips, distinct flavor of brown sugar. A decent cookie, not spectacular. Still, a good-hearted cookie, not pretentious." -Max, Maximum Ride "Paper may be rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper." -Zack, Suite Life of Zack & Cody "Bite my shiny metal ass." Bender, Futurama "But won't that change history?" Fry (an autopsy on Zoidberg) "Heart." Scientist "We're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere." Fry, Futurama "And you are outta here!" Bender, Futurama (to Professor) "Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him." Leela "1947 can bite my shiny, metal-" (falls off ship) "Aahhhhhh!" Bender, Futurama "But you're Muggles! We must have drink! What's that you've got there? Oh, you're changing Muggle money. Molly, look!" Arthur Weasley, Harry Potter "Let's all throw books at Myrtle, because she can't feel it! Ten points if you can get it though her stomach! Fifty points if it goes through her head! Well, ha, ha, ha! What a lovely game, I don't think!" Moaning Myrtle, Harry Potter "Ah, well...wand still in your jeans? Both buttocks still on? Okay, let's go." Nymphadora Tonks, Harry Potter "Fine. Go naked. Harry, make sure you get a picture of him. Goodness knows I need a laugh." Molly Weasley to Ron, Harry Potter "I'm very well indeed, thank you! Now, how many autographs would you like? I can do joined-up writing now, you know!" Gilderoy Lockhart, Harry Potter "NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!" Molly Weasley to Bellatrix, Harry Potter "I'll join you when Hell freezes over. DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY!" Neville Longbottom, Harry Potter "Make way for the heir of Slytherin. Seriously evil wizard coming through..." Weasley twins, Harry Potter "You two just apparated on my knees!" Ron Weasley "You don't want to bottle your anger up like that, Harry. Let it out. There might be a couple people fifty miles away who didn't hear you." Fred Weasley, Harry Potter "Hey, look - Harry's got a Weasley sweater too!" George Weasley "Harry! Simply splendid to see you, old boy--" Fred Weasley "You're a prefect? Oh, Ronnie! That's everyone in the family!" Molly Weasley “For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That’s a basilisk, listeners. One simple test: Check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it’s safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that’s still likely to be the last thing you ever do.” Fred Weasley, Harry Potter If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'butterfly, Enrica (i always change my penname)(tehehehe) PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, Paper Hearts and Paper Cuts, mahalo4ursupport, Kuro Uchiha, inuyasha1106, kamiry, VampireMistressNuricoUzumaki, Jasper's Delicate Angel, FAXfan, SexiLexiRoxDaSox, darkbunnies, NickiJacen I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. "REMEMBER WHEN" 9 Things I Hate About Everyone: Inside Jokes Between me and my best friend (darkbunnies) Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes. Excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it. No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you. An apple a day keeps the doctor away if well aimed. Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary. Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell, and run away. He hates that. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it! Tell the truth and run. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. I'm not afraid of Death. What's it gonna do, kill me? When life gives you lemons, throw them at people you hate. It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and bitch slap someone. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Set sail in a general...that way direction. Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face? When angry, count to ten. When furious, swear. Education is important. School however, is another matter. Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? How is it possible to have a civil war? Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse? I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive. Beware! For my place of employment has given me a NEW weapon...THE BUBBLE WRAP! Directions to Llama-land: When the world is ending, I'm throwing the party! (\_/) "Life is empty and so is the fridge." "The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and cover me with clothes. Don't let it find me." .: There's three ways to do things:. Where am I to go, now that I've gone too far?" My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen. Oh, you think I'm kidding. "A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking" "A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice." "Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you." The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. bolded ones apply to me I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I am not afraid of the dark, If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing, copy and paste this onto your profile. Afraid so... Chocolate chip cookies are yummy! If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile. They ARE pretty awesome... If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and paste this onto your profile. Annoys the crap outta me If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile. Favourite thing (: If you are addicted to FanFiction, copy and paste this onto your profile. What addiction? ;) If you have ever yelled at your television because a character or someone you don't like was on copy and paste this into your profile. Hehehe just yesterday... If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile. -If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. -If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile. -There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile -I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do... -If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile. -If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile. -The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile. -If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE! For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Harry Potter or Draco Malfoy is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you act completely, well, crazy and make a total fool of yourself and not even care. Crazy is when you dedicate your entire being (every cell in your body) to Harry Potter and fanfiction. Crazy is when you go into build-a-bear workshop and walk up to little kids saying, "That's my favorite bear" in a creepy voice and then run like heck when their soccer-moms glare at you. Crazy is when you get jacked up on sugar on your school excursion to bush gardens, laugh for two hours straight WHILE riding rollercaosters, then still laugh after you get slapped by your friends, and they pour a cold water on you, and you just stop suddenly, and when they asked why you laughed you say " I felt like it." Crazy is when you claim you can walk on water and then get your best friend to hold you by your waist in the air and you move your legs in a walking movement (It works!!) Crazy is when you fight with your friend over which vegetable you want to be. Crazy is when you say pineapple and then threaten to slap someone if they even mention the word, claiming that it's yours. Crazy is when you have fights with yourself just because you're bored... and you lose. Crazy is when you tell all your friends your ginga lover is coming to pick you up- and you’re referring to your dad. If you're crazy and crazy about it, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done too! You're obsessed with Harry Potter when you have theory's about how dead characters could still be alive. You're obsessed with Harry Potter when you know more about that book than any other subject. If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy this to your profile. If you realize that copying and pasting things in your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile If there are times when you just want to annoy someone for the heck of it, copy this to your profile. If you'r a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is planning to dominate the world, copy this to your profile. If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. If you want to see a Quidditch match copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy this to your profile. If you've ever had an argument with yourself, copy this to your profile. If you've ever lost a bet to yourself, copy this to your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile. Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?" If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile. Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile! If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this to your profile. (How much do you like chocolate?) If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. If you ever walked into the wrong classroom, copy and paste this into your profile. (I not only walked in, I sat down, got out my stuff and started to work, talk about embarrassing!!) If you believe, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down that Peter Pettigrew wasn't always evil, copy and paste this into your profile. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism On pg. 116 of the American version of Order of the Pheonix (last paragraph) it states that there was 'a heavy locket none of them could open'. Ring a bell? It's proof of the R.A.B. is Regulus Black theory. If you were smart enough to figure this out or you believe it, copy this into your profile. R.I.P.- Lily and James Potter, Cedric Diggory, Sirius Black, Albus Dumbledore, Alastor Moody, Hedwig, Dobby, Colin Creevy, Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin, and Fred Weasley. They will never be forgotten. If you think Bellatrix is creepy and should have been killed by Neville (not that there's anything wrong with Molly Weasley kicking her butt), copy and paste this into your profile. If you cried during/after reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, copy this to your profile If mythical creatures exist (dragons, unicorns, phoenixes, hippogriffs, etc.), copy this onto your profile! (They do! I know it!!) If you cried when Fred Weasley died (in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows), and not afraid to admit it, copy, paste this on your profile. If you cried when Dumbledore died, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy and paste this in your profile. Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessively compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, ask someone else to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dyslexic, press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder, fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, please try your call again later. If you have low self esteem, hang up - all of our operators are too busy to talk to you. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you can read that please put it in your profile. .eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fi If your profile is rediculously long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer! Yay! If you missed Hogwarts as much as Harry while searching for Horcruxes with him, copy this into your profile. If you always mentally make the Sirius "serious" pun whenever somebody says, "I'm serious!" copy and paste this into your profile. If you support werewolf rights, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are sad because there will be no more Harry Potter books , copy and paste this into your profile If you are a strong supporter of S.P.E.W. (Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare), and want to give all the little House Elves neon colored socks, copy and paste this onto your profile. Harry Voldemort, Voldemort Cedric, and Cedric = Edward. So, Harry Voldemort Edward. Therefore, Harry Edward. So, Harry Potter Twilight. If you agree with this form of logic, copy and paste this into your profile. Being mature is overrated. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I see regular people! I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright. Boys are like Slinky's... useless, but fun to watch fall downstairs Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. One day, we will look back at this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. Parents spend the first part of or lives teaching us walk and talk, then the next part they tell us to sit down and shut up. You laugh now because you are older than me by mere months, but when you are 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then? Never go to bed angry, stay up and plot your revenge. Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed. Never judge a book by its movie. The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really, who likes lemons? If you have ever bumped into a chair and said "sorry," copy and paste this into your profile. If you like penguins, copy and paste this into your profile. If you don't write or read slash, copy and paste this into your profile In Remembrance …In Remembrance to Severus Snape…. …In Remembrance to Fred Weasley… …In Remembrance to Dobby… ….In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin…. ….In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks… …In Remembrance of Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody…. …In Remembrance of Tom Marvelo Riddle a.k.a. Voldemort…. …In Remembrance of Albus Dumbledore… In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange… …In Remembrance of Colin Creevey… …In Remembrance of Hedwig… ...In Remembrance to Sirius Black... YOUR GUY SIDE: Gryffindor (The biggest heros in HP history as far as we know): 1. Welcome to Gryffindor, a Weasley has probably slept in your bed. 2. Gryffindors: Brave to the point of Idiocy. 3. Gryffindor: Because we blur the line between bold and stupid every time. 4. The beautiful, the brave and the bold. 5. Gryffindor: I'll kick your ass. 6. I'm in Gryffindor, you're in Gryffindor- let's hug!! 7. Gryffindor: because we get enough exercise just pushing our luck. 8. No excuses, rule breaking is customary. 9. Gryffindors are attention whores. Slytherin (The Junior Death Eaters): 1. We aren't all evil... yeah, we are. 2. Cunning and Ambition: Slytherin. 3. Go ahead, be a little naughty. 4. Slytherin: We have chained boys in the dungeons. 5. Slytherin: Because our common room is underwater (and that's cool). 6. It's not that we aren't better than you (except it totally is). 7. Why be normal? Or good? 8. We are Junior Death Eaters. Deal with it. 9. Slytherin: means never having to say you're sorry. 10. Seriously evil wizard coming through. 11. I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. 12. Slytherins do it on Snape's desk. 13. Voldemort needs prision bitches. 14. Because real friends help you Incendio the bodies. 15. Property of the Half-Blood Prince. 16. We're only wearing black until something darker comes along. 17. Don't hate us beacuse we're beautiful, hate us because we kick your ass at everything. 18. Never wound what can kill you. Hufflepuff (Some of the best people you'll ever meet): 1. I'm planning your death but in a happy way. 2. Brace youself- I'm going to hug you. 3. Nobody ever suspects the Hufflepuff. 4. You may be smarter, cooler, and better, but we still think you suck. 5. You think we're nice? That's cute... 6. Nowhere in the song does it say we're nice. 7. The love of a Hufflepuff was the only love good enough for Neville. 8. Hufflepuff: We kill you with smiles and rainbows. 9. All we got was Cedric... and that didn't turn out so good, did it? 10. Hufflepuffs kick ass too. 11. Hufflepuff: Formerly known as the party house. 12. Hufflepuffs know how to party. 13. Hufflepuff: We have cupcakes. Need we say more? 14. Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much. 15. Hufflepuffs are Particularly good finders. Ravenclaw (The smartest house with the only ones who don't blow themselves up): Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure. 1. I don't need romance, I have goldfish. 2. A room without books is like a body without a soul. 3. I can kill you with my brain. 4. Ravenclaw pride. Be afraid. 5. It's not that we are smarter than you (except it totally is). 6. I'm a Ravenclaw, which clearly means I am elligable to boast about my intellegence level in your face. 7. Ravenclaw: beacuse we know every insult in the book. (Get it, their smart and they know every insult in the book!) 8. Ravenclaw: geeks shall inherit the earth. 9. Ravenclaw: Dangerously over-educated. (Seriously over-educated.) 10. Ravenclaw: Tact enough for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic. 11. Ravenclaw: because everyone else is just dumb. REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER 1. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of 3. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." 4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the 5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 6. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." 7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?" 9. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 10. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 14. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't 15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that 18. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?" 19. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me." 20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 21. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 23. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 24. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING. "You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more." 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" The Difference Between a Friend and a Best Friend Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost Friend: Will help me learn to drive Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away Friend: Will help me up when I fall down Friend: Will bail me out of jail Friend: Will go to a concert with me Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs." Friend: Asks me for my number Friend: Hides me from the cops Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public Friends: Fade Me and darkbunnies (that's my best friends FF username) have a challenge. We have a list of 99 horror movies to watch before we're 25. Why? We love horror movies. We've decided to post the list below. Bi-weekly we will hold contests to see who on fanfiction has seen the most. We want you to tell us which ones on the list you've seen during your lifetime and your rating of the movie (1-10, one being the worst, 10 being the best) in a PM. Whoever wins bi-weekly will get a mention on both of our profiles, and I (NickiJacen) will accept your request for a story of any genre, rating, or category (Twilight, Harry Potter, Teen Titans, etc) 1. April Fool’s Day 2. Halloween Halloween Halloween II Halloween III: Season of the Witch Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers 3. Nightmare on Elm Street movies A Nightmare on Elm Street A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child Freddy vs. Jason 4. Friday the 13th 5. The Amityville Horror 6. Poltergeist Poltergeist Poltergeist II: The Other Side 7. Poltergeist III 8. A Chinese Ghost Story 9. Jeepers Creepers Jeepers Creepers Jeepers Creepers II 10. Pumpkinhead Pumpkinhead Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud 11. Seven 12. May 13. From Dusk Till Dawn From Dusk Till Dawn From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman’s Daughter 14. Vampires 15. Ginger Snaps 16. An American Werewolf in London 17. The Howling 18. Night of the Demons 19. Final Destination 20. Dead Ringers 21. The Ring 22. Scream 23. Night of the Creeps 24. Salem’s Lot 25. Invasion of the Body Snatchers 26. IT 27. The Lost Boys 28. Dog Soldiers 29. The Exorcism of Emily Rose 30. The Beyond 31. Pet Semetary 32. Nosferatu 33. The Wolfman 34. The Mummy 35. Darkness Falls 36. Grindhouse 37. Don’t Look Now 38. Videodrome 39. Event Horizon 40. The Stepford Wives 41. Puppet Master 42. The Birds 43. Hostel 44. Army of Darkness 45. Behind the Mask 46. From Beyond 47. The Quartermass 48. Re-Animator 49. Jacobs’ Ladder 50. The Sixth Sense 51. 28 Days Later 52. Black Christmas 53. The Shining 54. Zombieland 55. One Missed Call 56. Return of the Living Dead Original 80s Version 57. White Zombie 58. The Invisible Man 1933 Version 59. Arachnophobia 60. The Body Snatcher the 1945 Version 61. The Innocents 62. The Blair Witch Project 63. Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 64. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 65. The Wicker Man 66. The Blob 67. Rosemary’s Baby 68. The Black Cat 1934 Edition 69. The Raven 1935 70. Village of the Damned 71. Children of the Corn 72. The Howling 73. The Brood 74. Event Horizon 75. Dawn of the Dead 76. Legion 77. Eraserhead 78. Open Water 79. Gates of Hell 80. Session 9 81. In the Mouth of Madness 82. Mothman Prophecies 83. The Mist 84. House of Wax 1953 Version 85. Seven 86. War of the Worlds 87. Saw 88. The Silence of the Lambs 89. Child’s Play movies 90. Hellraiser 91. Basketcase 92. Pan’s Labyrinth 93. Jaws 94. The Exorcist 95. Cloverfield 96. The Shining 97. Audition 98. Scary Movie movies 99. Rec Good Luck! 1.YOUR REAL NAME 2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: 3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: 4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: 5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: 6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: 7. YOUR HIPPIE NAME Pick 12 Harry Potter characters and list them here 1. Harry 2. Draco 3. Hermione 4. Ginny 5. Sirius 6. Lily 7. Remus 8. Luna 9. Dumbledore 10. Fred 11. George 12. Fleur 1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before? Lily/Fred? No 2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot? Ginny? If I was a guy, maybe. However, I'm a girl, so NO! 3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? Fleur and Luna? How is that possible? But Bill would probably freak out... 4. Do you recall any fics about Nine? Yes! 5. Would Two and Six make a good couple? NO! 6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Sirius/Dumbledore or Sirius/Fred? I'm not a fan of slash, but Sirius/Fred. They're both pranksters. 7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve kissing? Remus walking in on Draco and Fleur? He probably would tell Bill...and Bill would kill Draco. 8. Make up a summary of a Three/Ten fic. Hermione/Fred...Hermione falls for her boyfriend's older brother (before he died!). 9. Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff? Harry/Luna? Most likely. 10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic. Remus/Fleur? I Know What It's Like. 11. If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose? Luna? Just the Way I Am by Skye Sweetnam 12. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be? Harry/Lily/Fleur? Warning: slight femslash and randomness 13. When was the last time you read a fic about Five? Sirius? Yesterday... 14. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (7) runs off with (4). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (6). Harry and Remus are in a happy relationship until Remus runs off with Ginny. Harry, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with George and a brief unhappy affair with Fleur, then follows the wise advice of Sirius and finds true love with Lily. That would be totally random... What title would you give this fic? Totally Random Relationships that End Up in Incest 15. How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon? Remus/Luna? umm...PEDOPHILE! 16. What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four kiss One? Ginny and Harry? Umm...Ginny tells Harry she wants to get married 17. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven? George? darkbunnies might... 18. What might Ten scream at a moment of great happiness? Fred? Woohoo!!!! 19. What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two? Fred to use on Draco? What the... umm...Hey...you wanna go talk Peeves into throwing a snake at Umbridge while we pelt her and her office with stinkbombs? 20. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five? Draco/Ginny/Sirius? Hell NO! 21. 4 invites 3 and 8 to dinner at their house. What happens? Ginny invites Hermione and Luna to dinner at their house? They enjoy hanging out...they're all best friends! duh! 22. 9 tries to get 5 to go to a yoga class. What happens? Dumbledore tries to get Sirius to go to a yoga class? It would prob. be because Sirius needs to relax...Sirius would probably act like a two year old and cling to his bedposts to keep from going. 23. You need to stay at a friend’s house for the night. Do you choose 1 or 6? Harry or Lily? Lily 24. 2 and 7 are making out. 10 walks in...Their reaction? Draco and Remus are making out. Fred walks in. He would have a pure WTF face, back out slowly, before screaming and running to George. 25. 3 falls in love with 6. 8 is jealous. What happens? Hermione falls in love with Lily. Luna is jealous. WTF? I dont even wanna know! 26. 4 jumps you in a dark alleyway. Who comes to your rescue? 10, 2 or 7? Ginny jumps me in a dark alleyway? Who rescues me? Fred, Draco, or Remus? REMUS!! 27. 1 decides to start a cooking show. 15 minutes later what is happening? Harry decides to start a cooking show. Dobby would go crazy wanting to help and probably screw up everything. The End. 28. 3 has to marry either 8, 4 or 9. Who do they chose? Hermione has to marry either Luna, Ginny, or Dumbledore. Ginny...but that would break Harry's heart. 29. 7 kidnaps 2 and demands something from 5 for 2's release. What is it? Remus kidnaps Draco and demands something from Sirius. What is it? Umm...probably something James' that Sirius has... 30. You get to meet either 1 or 6. Who do you chose? I get to meet Harry or Lily...Harry! 31. 10 challenges 4 to a chariot race. Why? Fred challenges Ginny to a chariot race. Sibling rivalry! 32. Everyone gangs up on 3. Does 3 have a chance in hell? Hermione. Does she have a chance? Yes, because she's extremely smart with spells. 33. Everyone is invited to 2 and 10 wedding except for 8. How do they react? Draco and Fred's wedding. Except for Luna. Storms in with a Nargle. 34. Why is 6 afraid of 7? Lily afraid of Remus? He's a werewolf! 35. 10 gathers everyone around to tell them a fairy tale. How does it go? Fred becoming even more random. 36. 1 arrives late for 2 and 10's wedding. What happens? And why are they late? Harry arrives late for Draco and Fred's wedding. He's late because Ginny was freaking out because her brother was marrying another dude. 37. 5 and 9 get roaring drunk and end up at your house. What happens? Sirius and Dumbledore...Dumbledore tries to make a pass at Sirius and Sirius runs out screaming for Mommy- even though he hates his mother. 38. 3, 8, 6 and 4 all go to the zoo for 8's birthday party. How does it go? What presents do they get 8? Hermione, Luna, Ginny, and Lily all go to the zoo for Luna's party. They have an awesome time hanging out. They get her a Nargle catching kit, another Nargle catching kit, a butterfly, and a dog. (my friend, darkbunnies came up with that) XD 39. Everyone gets together and starts protesting something outside of your house. What are they protesting? What do you do? They're protesting darkbunnies making Luna get a butterfly for her birthday. 40. 9 murders 2’s best friend. What does 2 do to get back at them? Dumbledore murders Draco's best friend. Runs away in terror. 41. 6 and 1 are in mortal danger. Only one of them can survive. Does 6 save themselves or 1? Lily and Harry are in mortal danger. Only one of them can survive. Harry saves himself. 42. Which one of them is most likely to fail at life? Draco 43. 5 is trapped in a cave. 10 comes to rescue them. What happens? Sirius is trapped in a cave. Fred rescues. He blows it up 44. 3 starts a day camp. What happens? Hermione starts a day camp. It's normal. 45. 4, 6, and 7 are doing the Hokey-Pokey. 8 walks in. What happens? Ginny, Lily, and Remus are doing the Hokey-Pokey. Luna walks in. She joins them! 46. 1 starts to write a fan-fiction where 9 and 10 are going out. What is 2's reaction? Harry starts to write a fanfiction where Dumbledore and Fred are going. Draco thinks "1. Harry's not mentally healthy. 2. GAY PEDOPHILE!" 47. 7 makes an apple pie. Is it any good? Remus makes an apple pie. Sure. Tonks didnt make it, so yeah. 48. 8 and 3 go camping. For some reason they forget to bring any food. What do they do? Luna and Hermione go camping. Hermione would find food 49. If 2 and 3 started going out, would 12 be angry? Draco and Hermione...Fleur be angry? No 50. (10) has been crushing on (2) for a while, that is until they figure out (2) likes (6). (10) runs off and meets (8) and (4) who tell them to talk to (7). They tells (10) to hook up with (1) until (2) kills (1) and ends up with (10). Fred has been crushing on Draco for a while, that is until they figure out Draco likes Lily. Fred runs off and meets Luna and Ginny who tell them to talk to Remus. They tell Fred to hook up with Harry until Draco kills Harry and ends up with Fred What would the title of this stoy be? Random Slash 50 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME UNTIL YOU READ THIS: 1, What color is your toothbrush? green 2, Name one person who made you smile today: darkbunnies (aka OJ) 3, What were you doing at 8 am this morning: sleeping 4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago? talking to darkbunnies on the phone 5, What is your favorite candy bar? Hershey's Cookies & Cream 6, Have you ever been to a strip club? No 7, What is the last thing you said aloud? This question 8, What is your favourite flavor of ice-cream? Cake batter 9, What was the last thing you had to drink? Mountain Dew 10, Do you like your wallet? I like the money in it, that's for sure. 11, What was the last thing you ate? a cheese quesadilla 12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week? no 13, The last sporting event you watched? Does Nascar count? 14, What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? EXTRA butter 15, Who is the last person you sent a text message too? My bff, OJ (aka darkbunnies) 16, Ever go camping? No 17, Do you take vitamins daily? Nope 18, Do you go to church every Sunday? no 19, Do you have a tan? I burn too easily 20, Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? no 21, Do you drink your soda with a straw? sometimes 22, What did your last text message say? Oh srry 23, What are you doing tomorrow? being bored at home 25, Look to your left, what do you see? darkbunnies! 26, What color is your watch? black & silver (my ipod is my watch) 27, What do you think of when you hear Australia? Sydney Opera House 28, What is your birthstone? amethyst 29, Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive-thru 30, What is your favorite number? 13 31, Who's the last person you talked to on the phone? My friend, OJ (darkbunnies) 32, Any plans today? hang with OJ 33, How many states have you lived in Missouri 34, Biggest annoyance right now? umm...idk 35, Last song listened to? Just the Way I Am by Skye Sweetnam 36, Can you say the whole alphabet backwards? No, but OJ can 37, Do you have a maid service clean your house? I wish 38, Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? blue platform flip flops 39, are you jealous of anyone? no 40, Is anyone jealous of you? idk 41, Do you love anyone? ummm...as a sister (OJ) 42, Do any of your friends have children? yes 43, What do you usually do during the day? random crap 44, Do you hate anyone that you know right now? yes 45, Do you use the word 'hello' daily? yes 46, What color is your car? dont have one 47, Do you like cats? yes (I have one. Junior- he's almost as fat as Garfield) 48. Are you thinking about someone right now? yes 49, Have you ever been to Six Flags? no 50, How did you get your worst scar? i cut myself with a broken spring from a mattress (no i'm not emo, I landed on it and it cut my knee) I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. Wise proverbs 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection.. .again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever. 15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? 16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. 17. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 18. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!" 5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana 7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'. 9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!' 18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity . Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile. Fun Things To Do In An ELEVATOR! 1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker" 2) When the elevator doors shut, reassuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!" 3)Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!" 4) Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly. 5) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" 6) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down. 7) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 9) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" 11) Meow occasionally. 12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 13) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 14) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. 16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 17) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?" 18) Say "Ding!" at each floor. 19) Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push the red buttons. 20) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope, then laugh and have a conversation with said wall. 21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is "your personal space." 22) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 23) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?" 20 Ways to Get Kicked Out of WallMart: 1) wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie humming the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream "LOOK OUT!!" and push them behind a shelf 2) Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one. 3) Buy 350 packets of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" once the cashier tells you the price 4) Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find some "musical devices" 5) when the announcer-thing comes on, throw yourself on the floor and scream "THE VOICES!!THEY'RE BACK!!" 6) start a fish stick fight 7) walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then scream "I MISSED YA, MAN!!" 8) (this requires a friend) Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around screaming "The British are coming!!" 9) walk up to an employee and murmur "code red in aisle 3" and see what they do 10) slip a bra and a lacey pink thong into a really macho-looking man's cart (just make sure he doesn't have any girls with him) 11) attempt to fly off a high shelf 12) throw confetti on random people walking into the store 13) whisper "I know your "little secret"' to people in the checkout line 14) stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section 15) walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...They want me to take you away...to aisle 8.. 16) Go to the service desk and ask to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 17) Ask the clerk to make a page saying "If there is an Edward in the store, Bella is looking for you at the main info desk". 18) Walk into the baby clothes section, pick up a pink baby dress, then throw it down and run away screaming that the pink bunnies of doom came back. 19) Get a lot of boucy balls and throw them down the aisles yelling "Go Pikachu Go!" 20) Bow to the display of TVs in the electronics department You know you're a writer... -If you talk to yourself. Copy and Paste this if you're a writer. ~~10 Ways To Be S-T-U-P-I-D: 1. Ask For Directions To A Place Youre Already At. TO ANNOY YOUR PARENTS! 1. Follow them around the house everywhere. If you or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this onto your profile you randomly check your email every five minutes while on the computer, copy this into your profile and write your name: MysticalPearl, MaxWing,sk8rchickmax,BlackwingRainbowtips. MyNameIsCAL, Fangtastic, Techno Skittles, DaniLizzie, lilacgardens, NickiJacen Favorite band- Three Days Grace Favorite song(right now)- Are You Ready by Three Days Grace Favorite show(s)- Glee, NCIS, etc. Favorite video game(s)- Darkstar: The Interactive Movie and Need for Speed Favorite movie- Harry Potter 7 Favorite food- pizza Favorite book- Harry potter 1-7 Favorite color- red Favorite drink- uh... milk? OH I KNOW!! water. so exciting. Favorite store- Borders or Hot Topic Favorite shape- Circle cause that's the shape of things I like (i.e. cookies, pie, cake, cinnimon buns, meatballs, pizza... you get the point) Favorite season- Spring and Summer. cold makes me write sad face icons :( Nicknames: Tori, Nicki, Puppy, Nicki Jacen My real name- Tori Essentials- Food, water, sleep, exercise, shampoo, a toothbrush... OHHHHHHH, you ment the kind of essentials you won't actually die without. Uh... paper? damn, I'm bad at this. Favorite place- umm...ummm...STALKER! People I hate- Edward from Twilight (really, I'm really sick of vampires at this point) Warning: Reading these stories may cause but aren't limited to upset stomach, kidney failure, chapped lips, poor gas milage, hernias, seizures, ingrown toenails, heat attacks, increase taxes, scoliosis, back pains, asthma, corns, swollen tounge, ulcers, skitsofrenia, swine flu, swine flying, pointed ears, acne, hoof and mouth, yellowing of the skin, breaking into random dancing, hemorrhoids, hiccups, liver cancer, special guest appearances, moles, phobia of the english language, anxiety attacks, bruising, tenderness of hands, loss of hair, athlete foot, annoying family members dropping by, loss of hearing in one ear, frost bite, running nose, nose bleeds, pregnat men, spine loss, exploding diarrhea, itchy back, chain smoking, shiny vampires, lazy eye, heart burn, horrific nightmares, and apes enslaving man kind. "Wait those are the symptoms for my new headach pills. Hold on a second. Let me find what happens if you read my stories. The paper is somewhere in my pockets. Alright let see, a yo-yo, pencil, fourteen bucks, game piece, cookie, hey I was looking for that," stuff cookie in mouth, "um, dead frog, i-pod, hard back copy of harry potter and the gobblet of fire, I have big pockets, ah here it is." May cause spontaneous combustion. In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what? Limbo! Can't they celebrate too?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (to borrow a comenly used Sunnydale quip 'DUH!') On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) On a cup of noodles: "WARNING: product may be hot when ready" (Apparently we use ice cubes to cook noodles nowadays.) A computer packaging label read "WARNING! Contents are liable to overload. HANLDLE WITH CAUTION!". (Don't computers need to be plugged in to overload in the first place?) A newspaper headline read :FIVE MEN DO THE WORST THING EVER.( And then there was nothing more on the subject but a picture of a jail. Anyone else curious as to what the 'worst thing ever' is?) On a package of sesame seed burger buns: "NOTE: ingesting sesame seeds will not cause sesame plants to grow in your stomach". Do I even need to say ANYTHING after that? Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he will believe you. Tell him that a bench has wet paint on it and he will have to touch it to make sure. The only race is humanity. I get plenty of exersize, jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck and dodging deadlines. Bomb squad, if you see me running, you'd better catch up My anger management classes pissed me off. Don't upset me, i'm running out of places to hide the bodies. Everyone brightens a room, some by walking in, others by walking out. Silence is golden but yelling is fun. Be optimistic, someday everyone you hate are going to die. At first if you don't succede destroy all evidence that you tried. Time is a great teacher, unfortunately it kills all of it's pupils. Life is like stepping out on a boat that is about to sail out to sea and sink. Personally, i don't think that there is intelligent life on other planets, why should other planets be any different from this one? Marriage is grand, divorce is around 10 grand. Do not disturb, i'm disturbed enough already. Keep your mouth shut and people will think you're stupid, open it and you will remove all doubt. Sometimes i lay awake at night and ask "Where have i gone wrong?" and a little voice in my head says "This is gonna take more than one night." The buddy system is esential to survive, it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at. Always remember that you are unique, just like everybody else. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance? Sarcasm isn't an attitude, it's an ART. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma? Only two things are infinate, the universe and human stupidity. Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Forgive your enemies, it messes with their heads. 9 out of the 10 voices in my head agree that I'm sane. Of course I'm going to drive, I'm to drunk to walk! I'm not afraid of death, what's it gonna do? Kill me? I didn't fall from Heaven, I rose from Hell. I'm not crazy, my reality is just different then yours. Smile first thing in the morning, get it over with. Suicide is man's way of telling God "You can't fire me! I quit! A day without sunshine...is night. At first if you don't succede...cheat. Then repeat until caught. Then lie. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP! Silence is golden, duct tape is SILVER! My brain works like lightning, one brilliant flash...and then it's gone. I used to have super powers but then my therapist took them away. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house faster than the police. Don't tell me sky's the limit when there's footprints on the moon. The average woman would rather have beuty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Behind every succesful man there is a surprised woman. Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Whatever woman do they have to do twice as good as men to be thought of as half as good. Luckily this is not difficlt. Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil. Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery. The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. When I was kidnapped my parents snapped into action, they rented out my room. Who ever said that words never hurt has obviously never gotten hit by a dictionary. Growing older is manditory. Growing UP is Optional When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then. You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had. Yeah, I'm a loser. but the coolest loser you'll EVER meet. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, it's just that yours is stupid. The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. He who laughs last didn't get it. Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side, it has a dark side and it holds the world together. We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. ~Author Unknown " A legal kiss is never as good as a stolen one." There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.- Oscar Levant Insanity is knowing that what you're doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can't stop it. ~Elizabeth Wurtzel I like nonsense, It wakes up the brain cells.~ Dr. Seuss "Okay, our first order of business is...findin' out who--other than most of you in this room, that is--wants me dead!" "On de count of 'three'?" "Why wait? Let's go on 'two'." "Sayin ah tol' ya so is beneath mah dignity, so instead, Hi. I have to know, are you insane? Common sense is the enemy of comedy. Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips.' 'Oops, my fist seems to have slipped into your eye. I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter. Don't you wish you could have your cake and eat it too?" Ever notice when someone calls someone Einstein or genius, they're insulting them? All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. I'm not mean, I just say what most people keep in their heads. I don't need your attitude, I have my own. I'm not mean, you're just a sissy. You're a great friend. But if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you. Be the type of woman, that when your feet land on the floor when you get out of bed in the morning, the devil thinks: "Oh, crap! She's up!" Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid. If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation. The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege. Gone crazy. Back soon. (or not) I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just implying it. If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. There is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM... Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. key word most. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Stupidity kills. Unfortunately, not fast enough. Just when I thought you couldn't say anything stupider and then you kept talking. Psh. You just want me to come so there will be a witness to your awesomeness who will be alive later. If you die I'll find a way to bring you back and kill you myself I’m smarter, stronger, and older than you so show some respect. In the future, old people will listen to rap music. It would be just my luck to get put in the room right next to my brother and he’s listening to it. Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with! It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept. If you got a problem, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. 92 percent American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others. Why America has some issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.) 1. Only in 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places 3. Only in America...do drugstores 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, 5. Only in America...do banks leave 6. Only in 7. Only in America...do we use 8. 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to 10. Only in America...do they have The Stupid Test (the ones in bold are things I've done) Dang...83 stupid things out of 100 (i actually counted the things I haven't done so it would be easier...) MAXIMUM RIDE FAN QUESTIONS: 1. Do you think Iggy is hot? No (darkbunnies can have him, I want Fang) 2. Did you cry when Ari died? i kinda wanted to, but no 3. Do you think Fang is hot? Yes! 4. How do you pronounce Ari's name? Air-ee (like on NCIS if any of you watch that) 5. Do you laugh every time you read the name Mr. Chu? yes 6. -SPOILER ALERT- In MAX, did you laugh hysterically when Total started talking about marriage? Yep. 7. -SPOILER ALERT- Did you squeal at all the faxness in MAX? yes! 8. Did you angrily throw your book across the room when the flock split up? yes and then I had to go get it... 9. Who is your favorite character? Fang 10. Do you like Jeb? no 11. -SPOILER ALERT- Were you making a genuine "WTF" face when Max and Fang grew gills? More like "cool...wait...what?" 12. Did you think MAX was better than TFW? Of course! 13. -SPOILER ALERT- Did you get slightly fed up with Nudge and Angel's slight attitudes in MAX? Not as much with Nudge, but Angel? Of course, she's supposed to be an angel (hence her name) 14. Which book is your all time favorite? In order: MAX, STWAOES, SOF, ANGEL, AE, FANG, _TFW (i hated that book) 15. If the flock had a theme song, what would it be? Me Against the World by Simple Plan 16. Have you ever imagined the flock as a band playing whatever song comes up when listening to your iPod? Yeah, who hasn't? 17. Who do you think the voice should be? That guy that was in the sewer in AE, and that helped Fang in STWAOES...Mike, wasn't it? Yeah. Him. 18. Do you think one or more members of the flock should learn to play an instrument? I can see Fang on guitar, Angel on ukelele (come on that would be adorable), Max on drums, Nudge on guitar, Gazzy on keyboard, and Iggy...i don't know. Ask darkbunnies 19. What bugged you the most about TFW? It had nothing to do with the other books. Too global warming obsessed. 20. MIGGY or FAX? FAX You Know You're Obsessed With Maximum Ride When... 1. You're friends think you're crazy for being obsessed with six flying kids and their talking dog. |
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