. . . said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.

"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."

~~ Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

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I thought I'd let you know a little about myself . . .

Name: Just call me CritterWhisperer. It's a name born of my habit of trying to adopt various animals that would appear on my doorstep, be they wild or tame . . . and I couldn't think of any better names when I was creating my account.

Age: Apparently old enough to not get carded when I buy beer.

Location: Middle-Of-Nowhere, North Carolina. Okay, not exactly the middle of nowhere, but close enough.

Hobbies: Writing (obviously), reading, listening to music. If there is a craft that looks interesting, I'll try it at least once -- I'm pretty good at cross-stitch, knitting, crochet, and have been known to make one or two quilts. Every now and then I may even play with some power tools to attempt to build furniture. Sadly, I have no talent for drawing, or similar arts.

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I won't say that I am a huge anime fan. I rarely watched any until, late one night, I caught the beginning of an Inuyasha episode. It was the one where Inuyasha and co. were trying to save Kagome from Kouga while trying to fight off the Birds of Paradise. Miroku's suggestion for finding Kagome endeared me to him immediately (I love it when religious characters are portrayed as having a more mischievous side. Okay . . . Miroku's more of a charlatan, but still). Once I got into it, Sesshoumaru became my favorite character in the series.

Since then, I have watched whatever other anime may show up on cable. My other favorites are Full Metal Alchemist, Samurai Champloo, and Cowboy Bebop. I liked Witch Hunter Robin and Neon Genesis: Evangelion, too

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Favorite Quotes:

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." ~possibly Abraham Lincoln or Mark Twain

"Well behaved women rarely make history." ~Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"Men are like parking spaces. All the good ones are taken and the rest are all handicapped." ~A random scribbling on a dorm wall.

"You don't park in the handicapped space lest the forces of irony give you a reason to, and you don't speak ill of the dead unless you want to get bagged next." ~Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

"If you come into this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with." ~Michael Jackson

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Favorite authors:

Terry Pratchett -- I am slowly working my way through his Discworld series -- it's a long series. I may seem morbid for this, but I love his characterization of Death, who has a tendency to show up here and there (naturally). But, come on, he's the Grimm Reaper, one of the Four Horsemen . . . and his horse's name is Binky.

Christopher Moore -- I wish I could write like this guy. There are few authors that make me have to stop reading because I am laughing so hard. If you are looking for Shakespearian comedy, I highly recommend Fool. Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal is another awesome story and not as blasphemous as it might sound.

Diana Wynne Jones -- Read Howl's Moving Castle after I saw the movie, then moved on to the Chronicles of Chrestomanci.

Charlaine Harris -- I've read all of her Sookie Stackhouse novels and can't wait for the next installment.

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Dilbert's Rules of Order:

1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing noise they make as they go flying by.

3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

6. I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

8. My reality check bounced.

9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

10. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

14. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

15. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

16. Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

18. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.

22. When yo don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

23. Following the rules will not get the job done.

24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

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Notes for Immortal Beloved:

For those that are interested, here are the two sonnets by William Shakespeare mentioned in chapter 4:

Sonnet 20

A woman's face, with nature's own hand painted,

Hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion;

A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted

With shifting change, as is false woman's fashion;

An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling,

Gliding the object whereupon it gazeth;

A man in hue, all hues in his controlling,

Which steals men's eyes, and women's souls amazeth.

And for a woman wert thou first created;

Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting;

And by addition me of thee defeated,

By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.

But since she prick'd thee out for women's pleasure,

Mine be thy love, and thy love's use their treasure.

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Sonnet 94

They that have the power to hurt and will do none,

That do not do the thing they most do show,

Who, moving others, are themselves as stone,

Unmoved, cold, and to temptation slow;

They rightly do inherit Heaven's graces,

And husband nature's riches from expense;

They are the lords and owners of their faces,

Others but stewards of their excellence.

The summer's flower is to the summer sweet

Though to itself it only live and die;

But if that flower with the base infection meet,

The basest weed outlives his dignity:

For sweetest things turn sour by their deeds:

Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.

Well, there you have them. As I mentioned, Sonnet 20 was written to a "fair young man." In fact, Sonnets 1 through 126 were written to this young man. . . which also means that Sonnet 94 was written to him as well. Still, read by itself, it could apply to anyone and would seem the kind of thing written by a man that a woman turned down. If you're wondering, his remaining sonnets, 127 through 154, were written to a "dark lady."

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Bonus material to go along with Frog Prince, Meet Cinderella:

If it isn't obvious from the content of the story, I work in retail, primarily in electronics. This is where I get most of my material for Sesshoumaru's experiences within the store. Being somewhat new to creative writing, I am sticking with what I know until I am a little more experienced.

As far as why I started writing this . . . one day at work, it occurred to me that how we perceive our fellow co-workers while in the workplace is not always how they are on their own time. Thus the idea of putting Sesshoumaru in disguise. It seemed like an original idea and putting him in some of the situations, based on my own experiences, had the potential to be rather funny. Also, the majority of the AU stories that I read cast Sesshoumaru as a wealthy CEO of some corporation. While I have no problem with these stories (given that I have cast him the same way), I like to see Sesshoumaru in other walks of life, as well -- ones that show him being more of the free spirit that I perceive him to be.

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A funny email I once got about what retired husbands do when trapped in a store while their wives shop. Kind of goes along with Frog Prince, though I don't know if I will work in any of these scenarios.

Dear Mrs. Fenton:

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton, has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused..

All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below:

MEMO: RE: Mr. Bill Fenton

Complaints -- Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in our store:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares . . . . and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams, 'NO! NO! It's those voices again!'

And; last, but not least!

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here!'

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At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."

"It's the act of doing things for other people."

Then I heard these terms which reference the word "service:"

x Internal Revenue Service

x Postal Service

x Telephone Service

x Civil Service

x City & County Public Service

x Customer Service

x Service Stations

Then I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.

So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few of his cows. BAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those service agencies are doing to us.

I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.

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Plot Bunnies:

~This idea popped into my head after reading the fairy tale challenge on Dokuga. I'm thinking of making it a series of one-shots hitting on the various fairy tales involving the Big Bad Wolf: Little Red Riding Hood, Three Little Pigs, The Boy Who Cried Wolf. This could star Kouga, naturally, or it could star Sesshoumaru, who has been cursed to be in a smaller version of is dog form and is repeatedly confused with being a wolf, which would be very humorous to me, considering his dog form looks little like a wolf.

~Putting the Inuyasha cast into the roles in Hello, Dolly. A strange idea, I know. Obviously, it wouldn't be a musical. All I can say is: I saw a CD by Micheal Crawford (Cornelius Hackle in the movie) lying around, started singing "Put on your Sunday clothes when you feel down and out . . ." in my head while working on the plot of one of my other stories, and there you have it. Actually, I think Sesshoumaru would make a great Horus, Miroku would be Cornelius (since he was the girl-crazy one), Inuyasha as Barnaby. I just don't know who I would cast as Dolly: Kagome, Kagura, or maybe an OC.

~Ever hear the song "The Mississippi Squirrel Revival" by Ray Stevens? It could be the inspiration for a new method of torture -- half-crazed demon squirrels.

~Kagome is a writer who discovers that everything she writes comes true. Not sure if I actually would develop this into a story. I know it's been done in movies (Stranger Than Fiction, Bedtime Stories). If I come up with some original plots and funny situations, I may write it.