realworldiscruel
 HI, EVERYONE WHO BOTHERED TO REVIEW MY PROFILE. XD My hobbies are reading fanfictions anytime I can,goof off with my friends and family,read anime,watch anime,and read any type of novels. My favorite colors is black,purple,blue,and lime green. My gender is my own business u pervy's (just kidding XD) I love to have a good time with my friends and family. Something I got off of someone else's profile: I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake Only in America are we this stupid: 1. Only in America ...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America ...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America ...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America ...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures' 10. Only in America ...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. 16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!" Repost this if you laughed... WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT OF WALMART 1. 'Test' the fishing poles 2. Leave a trail of tomato juice from the bathroom 3. Enter the dressing room and yell "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!" 4. Go up to some old guy and say "Grandpa! I thought you were dead!" 5. Look for a guy that has a girl beside them and say "Who is this?" and when he says that he doesn't know who you are say " Oh, so that's how it is. Well, whatever we had is now over, you cheating liar." Then run away crying. 6. Put a wet floor sign in a carpeted area. 7. When the guards chase you, try to get to the aisle where they sell chainsaws and grab the one. Then go to the the toy, grab a teddy bear and say "Stop or the bear get's it." 8. If they catch you kick 'em in the groin and say " That's for my mom." 9. Grab a toy sword and run around yelling "FOR NARNIA!". Then find an old lady and say "AH! IT'S THE WHITE WITCH! SOMEONE GET ASLAN!" 10. Get a toy gun and walk around singing "Secret Agent man, Secret Agent man." 11. Release all the balls and say "GO PIKACHU! I CHOOSE YOU!" 12. Find some Yu-Gi-Oh cards and walk up to random people saying " IT'S TIME TO DUEL!" 13. Go up to the cashier and say "Where are you keeping him?" When they say they don't know what you're talking about say "GODDAMMIT! WHERE ARE YOU KEEPING MY BROTHER?! 14. Do the Hare Hare Yukai in the men's bathroom if you're a girl, do it in the girl's bathroom if you're a boy. 15. Get one of those dolls that can pee and get an employee and say "Sir, there is something wrong with my brother/sister and I can't find my parents." When the employee leans in to look at your 'brother/sister' activate the doll. 16. Attach a walkie talkie to an Elmo and make it say "Elmo has mommy." in a demonic voice whenever a kid (that's alone) walks towards it. 17. Sing shigure's high school girl song whenever some girl walks by. (Both boys and girls can do this one ;) it is 'highschool girls highschool girls, all for me highschool girls' Quotes: Stop, Drop and Roll doesn't work in hell. Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. And at the worst possible moment. Suicide is a way of telling God, "You can't fire me! I quit!!" Congratulations, you fail at life. Sticks and stones might break my bones...but a 50 foot fall will kill ya'll! Every piece of paper has two sides...unless you use magic marker. Then you're screwed. I use to have super powers but then my therapists took them away. I'm not late. I'm just early for tomorrow. I hear voices and they don't like you. Smile: it confuses the enemy. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed. Kinda hard not to be a smartass when you're talking to dumbasses all the time. Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere is happy. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge. I don't get mad, I get even. You look familiar. Have I threatened you before? Huh. Sanity. What would I do with something as useless as that? Lucky for me I never had any such thing I'm an angel! I swear! The horns are just there to hold the halo in place. Those that ignore history are doomed to repeat it; those who studied history are doomed to know its repeating. No one leaves this world a virgin cause fate screws you over. I'm only afraid of knives when you're holding them. I'm too tired to tell the truth. I'm up, I'm dressed, what more do you want? Instant Human: just add coffee. I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead. Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard; be evil. Last night, as I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, I thought, "Where the hell is my ceiling?" Merry Christmas to all, and to all shut the hell up. I have ADD, Attention Def-OMG! It's a butterfly! A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand My homework ate my dog! Of course violence isn't the answer. 'Violence' is the question and 'yes' is the answer Take one step closer and I'll run away. Tell me your sob story... I need a good laugh. That which doesn't kill you... Will probably try again Hey, your village called! They want their idiot back Sorry, no assholes allowed I had a best friend, but the rope broke and he got away Sometimes it's not a good idea to question your friend, just help them dump the body in the river and walk away If carrots were drugged, bunnies would be fucked up I didn't move up the fuckin food chain to eat god damn carrots, so shut the fuck up vegatarians! I SWEAR TO DRUNK I AM NOT GOD! Fuck poltics, I just wanna burn shit down You say "Weird" like it's a bad thing I'm so hot, I make fire Stop, Drop and Roll Pardon me, but you've mistaken me for someone who actually gives a damn I'm sorry, they had to remove part of my soul to make room for more sarcasm Anime is like yaoi, only without all the gay sex What drugs are you on? and can I have some? You're just jealous cuz the voices talk to me and not you Just smile and wave Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies Never knock on Death's door... Ring the bell and run away... he hates that Whoever said nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door... Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you critisize them, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes. I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man. This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force. Warning: trespassers will be shot. Warning: survivors will be shot again Always forgive your enemies... Nothing annoys them so much. If the whole world depends on today's youth, I can't see the world lasting another 100 years. The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. Never say 'bite me' to a vampire. Main reason santa is so jolly: because he knows where all the bad girls live. If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? "Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!" I want revenge. Is that so wrong? Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done. The problem with reality is a lack of background music. I laugh in the face of death...maybe not laugh more like a snicker...a quiet snicker, and I wouldn't do it directly in death's face so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back. Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane Intercom 1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore 2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know 3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does? 4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Just kidding. 5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin' 6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory... 7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you? 8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on? 9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another... 10. This is your captain speaking: I'm depressed, suicidal, and I'm taking you all with me. By the way, I've already killed the co-captain. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser. Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell, "Storms suck!" Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? You say BABY PINK Month one Mommy Month Two Mommy Month Three You know what Mommy Month Four Mommy Month Five You went to the doctor today. Month Six I can hear that doctor again. Month Seven Mommy Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. If you're against abortion, re-post this This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't. A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it? Repost this if you truly believe in God. The Top Eleven Things Everyone Should Know About Twilight: 1. Werewolves are only immortal as long as they want to be. Yeah. Kind of strange. Apparently it has to do with how often they choose to become wolves. Of course, these are quite strange werewolves who don’t follow the moon. 2. Vampires sparkle in the sun. Really. And no one ever laughs at them when they do this. Then again, they only ever show this to lovestruck teenage girls. 3. In a werewolf/vampire/human threesome, the human has to be in the middle so the freezing vampire and burning werewolf balance each other out. Or something like that. 4. It is not at all creepy to make an unborn baby your soulmate nor is it creepy to raise your soulmate from infancy as its father/brother and then become its lover. 5. Author Stephanie Meyer is apparently a big supporter of the rights of demon babies. 6. Wanting to literally eat your girlfriend is romantic, not deeply disturbing. 7. Jeopardizing a fragile treaty between two very dangerous, deadly groups because you can’t control your hormones is endearing, not painfully stupid. 8. When you’re friends with vampires and werewolves, you no longer are required to care about your human friends and family. 9. . When a guy you have been dating for a few months abruptly leaves and never plans on coming back and you take to cliff diving to hear his voice, you are in no way crazy nor should you look into therapy. 10. You should never, ever let Bella and Edward name anything. Ever. 11. TELLING a group of vampires that want to kill your baby that she is half human will do nothing. Finding someone who claims that they are half-human solves everything. They’ll even kill that vampire that’s out to get you for you. For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.) I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player. I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting. Thoughts on Gay Marriage! 1) Gay marriage is not natural, and as Americans, we always reject unatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and lyposuction. 2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall. 3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract. 4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal. 5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed. 6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children. 7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children. 8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America. 9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children. 10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans... Have PRIDE! Support Gay Marriage! Homophobia and You: They're people too! Stop the hate and spread the love! I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. This is weird, but interesting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Paste this to your profile if you can read this! ╔═╦╦══╦══╦╗╔╦══╦══╗╔╗ ／l、 OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. A moment of silence. You know you live in 2010 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname or my space 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) and you were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did. I Can't believe I fell for that! Oh, no! It's the 'Read Carefully' test again! God created man before woman because every masterpiece needs a rough draft. MENtal pain, MENtal anxiety, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... all our problems start with men! I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster. To catch me you got to be fast, to find me you got to be smart, but to be me? Damn you must be kidding... Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head. Auntie Shelly, whats a manwhore? or a dyck? Auntie Shelly, why are you turning red? How old do I have to be for you to tell me? How come? Auntie Shelly, If you keeping hitting your head on the table, it'll hurt. (awwah. isn't my little niece cute?) Did you just call me insane? What was your first clue? Did you really just eat my cookie? Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a darkside, and in holds the world together. In dog eat dog world, the best thing to do is become a cat. What do you mean, there aren't any cookies left?! I speak my mind, so you call me a bitch. You take and take, give nothing back, and freak out over little things. I call you a pansy. (no really, I run around calling people pansies in my free time. which is all the time) There is no half singing in the shower. Your either a rock star, or an opera dive. I just broke up with someone, he said, "You'll never find someone like me again." I should hope not, I dumped him, I don't want another asshole. "My ex-boyfriend has a weird ass fetish. He dresses up like himself, then acts like an asshole." Dogs have owners, cats have staff. In all matters of opinion, or adversaries are insane. The suspense is terrible! I hope it will last! Eh. Ya win some, ya lose some, and at the end of the day, there are tacos. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have the film. The man who smiles when something goes wrong has though of someone to blame. Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Behind every succcessful man is a suprised woman. (the shock is killing me) Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Chelci told me she wanted to fly, I told her to jump off a cliff. Ya fly for about 30 seconds, and then end up as someone elses problem. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Never go to a doctor whos office plants are dying. Dr. :I have good news and bad news. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Its just that yours is stupid. "L'amore osserva non con gli occhi, ma con la mente." If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? He who laughs last didn't get it. She who laughs first needs to get her head out of the gutter. ( what?!) "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush (was he blonde?) Urban dictionary-Definition of emo food Tacos at two am waith friends, just to prove they're all noctural. 10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL 10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks 9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies 8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly 7. Our magazines have horiscopes 6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around 5. Our friends don't say "hi" but punching us in the arm (speak for yourself) 4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month 3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have 2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket 1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing A girl and a guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle. Girl:Slow down, I'm scared. Guy:No, this is fun. Girl:No it's not, please, it's so scary. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl:I love you, slow down. Guy:Now give me a big hug She gave him a big hug Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself, It's really bothering me The next day in the newspaper, a motorcycle crashed into a building due to brake failure. Two people were in the crash, but only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that the breaks weren't working, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loves him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live, even if it meant that he would die. If you would do the same for the person you love, copy this in your profile. Little Aurora Dad was a drunk Her only friend She always talked to it Until her parents A bruise on her leg But she grabs her bear She sits in the corner Such a bad life Then one night Then her mom suddenly She thrust the blade The mom walked out Police showed up One officer slowly It must have been bad "It takes an idiot to do cool things...that's why they're cool. - FLCL "If the opposite of Pro is Con then the opposite of Progress is Congress" - random thought. "Yes!" "No!" "What was the question?" - me "There is a fine line between sanity and insanity, and I have white out" - me Stereotypes...You know you hate 'em. You know they need to be stopped. You know you love copying and pasting a plethora of shit to your profile. Why not add this, eh?I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. Take a stand. Fight for what's right. And keep on speaking out until someone chooses to hear. Spread LOVE not HATE and put a stop to HOMOPHOBIA. I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it. Quote of the Moment: 1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning. 2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that 3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy 4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed 5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were 6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay 7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight 8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like 9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model 10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could You know you live in 2009 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did. If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: I do not know this Courtney person but I love her quote. Some of these quotes are not mine but from others at the end I will cite them. "My shoulder-angel shot my shoulder-devil when they were arguing. I've listened to my shoulder-angel ever since..."-Courtney "God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." You have one advantage over me... you can kiss my ass and I can't. "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -Buddha No one is a virgin, Life screwed us all! There are three types of people you don't want pissed off, Custom Officials, Air Marshals, and Police Officers. Because they can say funny things like 'Cavity Search.' All women are insane psycho-bitches. It's just that some only have access to thier bitch powers once a month while others have free rein of their power. "I think, therefor, I am not you" Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. "The point of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his." -Patton I am the kind of person who laughs at a joke 3 times. Once when it's said. Once when it's explained to me. Once five minutes later when I finally get it. Who ever said nothing was impossible, never tried slaming a revoling door. Mirror don't talk, and you are lucky they can't laugh. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast, the mime next door went nuts. When I was younger I hated going to weddings... it seemed that all my aunts and grandmothers pinched and poked me telling me I was next. They stopped that crap after I started doing the same thing at funerals. Last night I was laying in my bed looking at the stars when I realized, where the hell was my ceiling. Its not when animals attack it's when stupid people get bit. Everyone's not entitled to be stupid... but you are abusing your privilage. Client: "so my dog has a wound but I think I'll wait a little while before I bring him in. Receptionist: "Okay just be sure to keep the flies away from the open wound" Client: "When's the earlist I can come in?" "The lamps are going out all over the land, and they will not be lit again in out lifetime." -Sir Edward Grey WW1 The best defense against the atomic bomb is to not be there when it goes off. See the happy moron, he doesn't give a damn, I wish I were a moron, My God! Perhaps I am! It's like a hand granade, if it's close, it counts. -Mr. Runyan Dreams die hard and you hold them in your hand long after they have turned to dust -dragon heart You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because your all the same. The anti-depressent paxel causes suicide - Christopher Tidus My friends are the type of people to try and drown a fish but I love them anyway. This Girl is my best, best, best friend and I thought that I just had to show you how special she is. She makes me smile so much. Her - "I've always wanted to go to a southern state like New Jersey or Texas." Me - "..." Her - "ooo damn one of them isn't a southern state. Which one?" Me - "... Texas." Her - "okay." She said milk has protein, NO potassium! "He knows he's going to die he should just commit sudoku." Her - "The right left corner" Me - "... what?" Her - What is Ion-man? Me - Ion-man? Do you mean Ironman? Her - The problem with squirrels?? Me - Where did you see that? Her - There. Me - It says sequels. Her - 45 min is a half an hour right? LOL to those who read this because I don't read anyone elses (snicker) just kidding. Some of the stuff I found are posted on other profiles. If you like it please post it on yours. Congragulations You Finished! 16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. Repost this if you laughed... I want to do these so much!! : FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food. REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food. FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs. REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM. FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Dang … we really messed up … but that sure was fun!” FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry. REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you. FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours. FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you. FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you. FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door. REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!” FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile. REAL FRIENDS: Are for life. FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world. REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what’s wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better! FAKE FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out. FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this. REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it Who lived in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! "Hush young one… listen to mother, will you? "Goodnight little royal, goodnight; "Now it's the time to close your tired eyes, "There're nations to take, and power to ride; "When those fools see you coming, well, they'd better hide! "Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight… "Remember us; remember our present, for it is one you must not forget: "Remember the three: "Three Kings, three brothers, three cities, three men, "Two fathers, one son, two shadows and a knight; "Goodnight little royal, goodnight; "Now it's the time to close your tired eyes, "There's power to take, and grandeur to ride; "When those fools see you coming, well, they'd better hide! "Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight… "Remember them; remember our past, for it is through them that we are here today: "Remember the tale: "The father, and two brothers; forget not the fault… "The fault which brought the fall of the two, "The fault which brought the rise of our house, "The grandeur of six, of seven, and of eight; "Goodnight little royal, goodnight; "Now it's the time to close your tired eyes, "There're nations to take, and power to ride; "When those fools see you coming, well, they'd better hide! "Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight… "Remember us: your father and mother, for we may no longer be with you today. "Remember this lesson, Naruto, my child: "I won't tell you that there's nothing 'neath your bed; "I won't sell you that it's all in your head; "This world of ours is not what it seems: the monsters are real, but they're not in your dreams; "Learn what you can from the beasts you defeat, you'll need them for some of the people you'll meet. "Goodnight little demon, goodnight; "Now it's the time to close your tired eyes, "There're lives to take, and creatures to ride; "When those fools see you coming, they'll know it's time to die! "Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight… "Goodbye, my little demon, forgive your mother and father… "But always remember, no matter the circumstance, none of us will cease to love you; remember who you are, Namikaze Naruto, for it will be your blood that will lead you back to us. "I'll see you when the time comes." -Uzumaki Kushina's lullaby, her last words; Understand This: "Conflict is eternal; "It is so deeply programmed into the human subconscious that it shall never be cease to dominate this world. "Grasp that concept before you even attempt to preach your dreams of peace to me. -Lord Maelstrom the Discordant These i got from my friend (at least i hope she would consider being my friend ) THE WONDERFUL FOXTRILLER. I stole these you can steal these too. XD If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile. IIf you hear voices in your head and know that they are real put this on your profile. If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason put this on your profile. If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile. If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile. If you are really random put this on your profile. 92 percent of american teens would die if Abecrombe and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breath. If your one of the 8 percent that would be laughing your asses off as you watch the others copy this to your profile. If You... If you have said something that had nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this on your profile. READ THIS AND REPOST IF YOU THINK THE SAME WAY I DO!! I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong. My name is Lucifer I'm emo so I must cut my wrists If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile. Just because we eat animals for food doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc. copy this into your profile! Did you know that to get the fur, they club, drown, and anal electrocute the poor animals. And why are they so cruel? Because they don't want to ruin the furs! Now copy this into your freakin' profile, dammit! If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep had the same tune, and were all composed by Mozart. If you've ever wondered if you were adopted because of your sibling, copy this into your profile. If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile. I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think that those kids should just give up and let Lucky have his stupid cereal back, copy this into your profile. If you read fics of shippings/pairings you don't support/hate, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever fallen asleep in a class, paste this to your profile If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. I solemnly swear that anyone who flames my stories will get a flame back. FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! BEAT OUT THE FLAMES! If you agree (or hate flamers), copy this into your profile. If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile. For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (i find that i am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile. A true friend is someone who will try to answer the "eraser bits" question and have a long conversation about it. A friend is someone who wont say anything when you cry for no reason, but will start sobbing to, just help you cry. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this in your profile. Favorite Sayings and Quotes Six hours later, I still hadn't managed to write a full sentence for the paper due the next morning. However, I did win 7 out of 245 games of Solitaire. Commit the oldest sins, the newest kind of ways. ~William Shakespeare You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. ~Dean Martin The nicest thing about quotes is that they give us a nodding acquaintance with the originator which is often socially impressive. ~Kenneth Williams Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. ~George Carlin Don't be so humble. You're not that great. ~Golda Meir A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Don't drink and park; accidents cause people. I'll be sober tomorrow, but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life. Those who think they know everything annoy those of us that do. (bumper sticker) This delinquent is having sex with your honor student. Every time I say the word 'diet', I wash my mouth out with chocolate. On a Sears hairdryer: On a bag of Fritos! On a bar of Dial soap: On some Swanson frozen dinners: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a Rowenta iron: On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: On Nytol Sleep Aid: On most brands of Christmas lights: On a Japanese food processor: On Sunsbury's peanuts: On an American Airlines packet of nuts: On a child's superman costume: On a Swedish chainsaw: On T-Rat (Military food): Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while Quotes: Stop, Drop and Roll doesn't work in hell. Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. And at the worst possible moment. Suicide is a way of telling God, "You can't fire me! I quit!!" Congratulations, you fail at life. Sticks and stones might break my bones...but a 50 foot fall will kill ya'll! Every piece of paper has two sides...unless you use magic marker. Then you're screwed. I use to have super powers but then my therapists took them away. I'm not late. I'm just early for tomorrow. I hear voices and they don't like you. Smile: it confuses the enemy. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed. Kinda hard not to be a smartass when you're talking to dumbasses all the time. Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere is happy. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge. I don't get mad, I get even. You look familiar. Have I threatened you before? Huh. Sanity. What would I do with something as useless as that? Lucky for me I never had any such thing I'm an angel! I swear! The horns are just there to hold the halo in place. Those that ignore history are doomed to repeat it; those who studied history are doomed to know its repeating. No one leaves this world a virgin cause fate screws you over. I'm only afraid of knives when you're holding them. I'm too tired to tell the truth. I'm up, I'm dressed, what more do you want? Instant Human: just add coffee. I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead. Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard; be evil. Last night, as I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, I thought, "Where the hell is my ceiling?" Merry Christmas to all, and to all shut the hell up. I have ADD, Attention Def-OMG! It's a butterfly! A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand My homework ate my dog! Of course violence isn't the answer. 'Violence' is the question and 'yes' is the answer Take one step closer and I'll run away. Tell me your sob story... I need a good laugh. That which doesn't kill you... Will probably try again Hey, your village called! They want their idiot back Sorry, no assholes allowed I had a best friend, but the rope broke and he got away Sometimes it's not a good idea to question your friend, just help them dump the body in the river and walk away If carrots were drugged, bunnies would be fucked up I didn't move up the fuckin food chain to eat god damn carrots, so shut the fuck up vegatarians! I SWEAR TO DRUNK I AM NOT GOD! Fuck poltics, I just wanna burn shit down You say "Weird" like it's a bad thing I'm so hot, I make fire Stop, Drop and Roll Pardon me, but you've mistaken me for someone who actually gives a damn I'm sorry, they had to remove part of my soul to make room for more sarcasm Anime is like yaoi, only without all the gay sex What drugs are you on? and can I have some? You're just jealous cuz the voices talk to me and not you Just smile and wave Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies Never knock on Death's door... Ring the bell and run away... he hates that Whoever said nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door... Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you critisize them, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes. I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man. This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force. Warning: trespassers will be shot. Warning: survivors will be shot again Always forgive your enemies... Nothing annoys them so much. If the whole world depends on today's youth, I can't see the world lasting another 100 years. The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. Never say 'bite me' to a vampire. Main reason santa is so jolly: because he knows where all the bad girls live. If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? "Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!" I want revenge. Is that so wrong? Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done. The problem with reality is a lack of background music. I laugh in the face of death...maybe not laugh more like a snicker...a quiet snicker, and I wouldn't do it directly in death's face so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back. Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane Intercom 1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore 2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know 3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does? 4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Just kidding. 5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin' 6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory... 7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you? 8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on? 9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another... 10. This is your captain speaking: I'm depressed, suicidal, and I'm taking you all with me. By the way, I've already killed the co-captain. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser. Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell, "Storms suck!" Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? You say BABY PINK I just like to copy and paste stuff...some of this is really funny though!! 100 Rules of Anime The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural #1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply. #2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is #3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud #4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust #5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a #6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero #7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of #8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die... #9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are #10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a #11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything. #12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds. #13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly #14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any #15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of #16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form #17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The #18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, #19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at #20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and #21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t... #22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little #23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost #24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, #25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly #26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: #27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of #28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate #29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of #30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are #31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is #32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and #34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable #35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, #36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good #37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an #38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is #39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely #40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get #41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal #42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it #43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43. #44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a #45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the #46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy #47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some #48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or #49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will #50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are #51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters #53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum. #54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, #55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and #56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons #57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of #58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, #59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition #60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s #61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an #62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years #63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the #64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be #65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the #66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation- #67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the #68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the #69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any #70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a #71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male #72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head #73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to #74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When #75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can #76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a #77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick #78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST #79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial #80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is #81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if #82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a #83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become #84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed #85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire #86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in #87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon. #88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have #89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large #90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following #91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and #92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance #93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at #94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability #95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any #96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, #97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that #98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or #99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest #100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen. You're a 90's kid if: You can finish this 'ice ice _' 25 THINGS I OWE TO MY MOM 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. Quote of the Moment: 1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning. 2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that 3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy 4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed 5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were 6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay 7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight 8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like 9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role 10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could Copy and paste these into your profile… If you sometimes talk to yourself. If several inanimate objects hate. If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water. If you like chocolate as much as I do. If you've ever copy and pasted something onto your profile. If you think homophobia is a mental illness that should result in suffers being strung up by their toes, stripped naked, feathered and tarred, then sold as cheap, Mexican piñata knock-offs. If people think you are mentally insane. If you know you’re insane. If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both... If you are obsessed with fanfiction. If you are random and don't care. If you have ever seen a movie, TV show, etc. so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes. If you love rain. If you don't have a problem with homosexuals, or bisexuals. If you know what pansexual is. If you don't watch Laguna Beach, the O.C., or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it. If you think that life without computers is useless. If you are anti-social sometimes. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people. If you have WAY too much time on your hands and you’re on fanfiction.net with that time. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa. If you know someone who should get run over by a bus. If you have ever tripped over your own feet. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason. If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects. If you have ever talked to a colored pencil, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever wondered what it was like to be a wall, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever wondered what it was like to be a computer, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever wondered what it was like to be an anime character, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever wondered what it was like to be a character in a movie, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever wondered what it was like to be the opposite gender, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever yelled at an inanimate object. 92 percent of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe. Repost this if you are one of the 8 percent who would be laughing your ass off. 98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who haven't, copy & paste this in your profile. There are no sexualities. You love who you love and that's that. It's not restricted to one gender, no matter what gender it is. If you agree with me, copy & paste this into your profile. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, and when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in. FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain. BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!" FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up! FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (Aka: drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste! When you dial a mental hospital: Ring...Ring... Welcome to Psychiatric World. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press one repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the phone so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. If you are delusional and hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear. If you can't convince them, confuse them. "Never hire a colorblind electrician." "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." "To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target." "At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote." Psychology. Mind over matter. Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. |
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