Yo. Welcome to your ultimate hell.

Name: Josephine

Age: 13

Hair: Golden Blonde

Eyes: Sea Green

Height: 5'7"

Pets: 2 black cats Edward and Stormy

Bestest Friendy Friends on Fanfic: Nightlight6 (look her up her stories rock!)

Kay I done, toodles!

News:

Sep. 13

Random Quotes(YAY! Doesn't fill you with happifulness?!):

You think I'm crazy? Well, at least I admit it.
-You know, there are poor people in Africa who can't afford sarcasm, and yet you abuse it.
-Officer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
-I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder...

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on……. Yes, it caught me too!

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

I have come her to chew bubblegum and kick ass and I'm all outta bubblegum.

I don't have an ego I just love how awesome I am.

I'm depressed, I'm disturbed, I've got it all!

You're such a dork it makes me emotional sometimes.

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

Missiles and grenades and new machine gunners. Launches and rockets, electrical stunners, Widows and Orphans and explosive things, these are a few of my favourite things

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

"We can use that money to buy devious potions!!"
"...Ed... We research soybeans."
"... Devious soybeans!"

You can piss off a king. The worst he can do is kill you. Don’t piss off the pope. He can send you to hell. Nobody likes hell.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

If your heart was really broken...you'd be dead so shut up.

-Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?!

-If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kicking.

- Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

- The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

- When there's a will, I want to be in it.

-I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

I gotta hit the books... Where's my sledgehammer?

It's your day! You get a day not a wwek.

"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... Then it's hilarious!"

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving isn’t for you.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

Guys should be like lattes-rich, strong, and hot

It's a matter of life after death - now that he's dead, I have a life

Everyone has a wild side - me and my friends just prefer to make them public

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have.

Apostrophes do not mean "Look out, an S is coming!"

Cereal killer

A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you. A BEST friend will call him, whispering "Seven days..."

EMO=Extravagantly Made Origami

BEARS=Butt Extremely Annoying Retard Scientists

At first I wondered why God made you, then I realized even God makes mistakes

Your eyebrows are as beautiful as an enormous caterpillar.

Sorry Fang, I appear to have fallen on your lips.

YOUTUBE myspace and I'll Google your YAHOO

I win! You suck! I rule all! A mini-wave in celebration of me!

Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?.

Somebody needs a Happy Meal.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

I think you're breaking my Gay-dar

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again.

And God (CARLISLE) said "Let there be Edward(and EMMETT!),"...and it was gooooood

I'm polytheistic. I believe in God, and Carlisle.

I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms

Don't call me emo or I'll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain and then I'll die and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

EHMAGAWD

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business!

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

The human body is a machine that is full of wonder. This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.
1. Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.
2. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg.
3. The smallest is the male sperm.
4. You use 200 muscles to take one step.
5. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
6. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
7. A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.
8. A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
9. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.

10. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
11. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
12. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
13. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
14. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
15. There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
16. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
17. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
18. Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you are born.
19. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
20. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people.
21. Your thumb is the same length as your nose.
22. At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test ... now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well. You did it -- I KNOW you did !!

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!

My friend's the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screaming "KUNG POW CHICKEN"

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

A kiddie pool is like a giant toilet, except it doesn't flush.

They can't afford sarcasm in poor parts of the world, and here you are abusing it.

You dropped your dignity, don't forget to pick it up.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

From the movie 30 Days of Night:

"Please God..."

"God?" looks around confused, then stares into girl's eyes. "No God." then he eats her!

I know I'm a sexy penguin

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I hear voices, and they don't like you (Yeah, that’s right Bob doesn’t like you at ALL!!)

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

P.S I never changed, I just got tired of pretending I was happy.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

Be a loser! Because being cool is soo overrated!-Fang ('cause if anyone else said this,u would'nt have read it)

Guys with Emo hair are like a billion times more sexy than other guys.

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If you see the ghost, copy and paste this into your profile.

yay 4 Random Quotes!!

Random Quotes Fight (keep in mind Storm is me, Mrs.EmmettMcCartyCullen, and well... u know Max).

Storm: My quotes are much sexier then ur quotes could ever dream of being... and they're randeomness so unbelievable so unforgetable it keeps u up at night my dearest Max.

Max: Ha! You wish, I heard you pee your bed.

Storm: You wish! I saw you eat'in ur dodo when ya though know one was look'in!!

Max: Who told you that, your mom? She probably did it herself, needed someone to blame for the missing dinner.

Storm: Oh it is so on biatch!! Random quotes fight!!

Max: Bring it on Stormy. AKA...Mz. Bi Polar

Storm: Ya know they're may not be and 'I' in team but there isa 'me' in awesome! Beat that biach!!

Max: Watch this: You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months. But when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who'll be laughing then?

Storm: Your just jealous cause the voices are talking to me.

Max: Emmett doesn't love you! Aw, come on! Stop bawling, Emmett doesn't like crybabys! Thank you, ladies and gentleman, she has stopped with the waterworks!

Storm: Please he loves me so much he wrestles irrated bears for me! Edward on the other hand hates you and spends all his time wishing I would go with him. While you sit in the corner crying big fat juicy tears of blood and I know it's my fault, oh!

Max: The irritated bears thing, well they're probably so irritated cause they saw your face! Emmett should give up on you now. Your parents did. Oh, and silly Storm, Fang will always love me!

Storm: Please I'm Max Ride's height (5'7'') nobody wants to date a midget. You say I'm not cool, but cool is another word for cold and if I'm not cold I'm hot. I know I'm hot thanks for helping me embrace it.

Max: You know, in some parts of the world, people can't afford sarcasm, and yet, here you are...abusing it.

Storm: Oh please if you so beautiful then my did I have a have a valintine boy and not you? Anyhoo... If electricity comes from electrons does morality come morons?

Max: FYI, I had a boyfriend for 3, count em THREE years in a row! He had blond hair, blue eyes and was HOT! Muscle man! He was three years older too! You, were lonely on Valentine's Day cause no one loves you. It's okay, you can find a homo.

Storm: I had a secret date. So romantic he was sweet not telling you who he was. And anyway I had nobody for so long cause I was fat and ugly. Now I lost 30 pounds and grew 6 inches. Now my brother's friends are all trying to sleep with me. Never underestamate the pervertness of a 16 year old boy.

Max: What are we, on a before and after show? FORKING SPORK dude! That's creepy, your life sucks, you win! Me on the other hand, well, I'm so hot, I won the contest of Randomness and hotness. I don't work out, and I'm still skinny. Although, I do run track...

Storm: You're skinny now but not for long! I work out twice a week and run track! Ahem. On with the random quotes. Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.

Max: Ugh can we call it truce? You're garanteed to lose if we continue.

Storm: sigh Fine. shake hands we walk out of room

"Hey um... Max?"

"Yeah Storm?"

"Um... I think I forgot someth'in in ur room I'll be back in a sec."

"Ur not gonna do anything funny are yeah?" pokes Storm in ribs

"Max... have you ever know me do anything like that?" (says in suspisiously high voice)

"Alright... but I'll be watching." (narrows eyes)

Quickly runs into room and pulls up random quote fight page starts to type

Xlaterx

(what Storm wrote)

Storm: We may have called it truce but I had my fingers crossed! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Ahem,

taste the rainbow EAT CRAYONS!! You think I'm crazy!? Well at least I admit it.

Storm and Max out

We don't need you're opinion we're always right and we're toltally not prejudice we hate every one equally. Sleep with one eye open, we'll be watching.

Coming Soon:

Tales of Emmett's Singers

Tales of Twilight