Hello, all. I was sent to this site to read some tales of intrigue written my an acquaintance, and, quite frankly, I found it to be tosh. So I thought "I could write better than that with one eye behind my back."

Since then, I've developed a special pulley system to place my left eyeball behind my back. This is rather useful in checking for potential sodomites and not being surprised. However, I have had to sacrifice binocular vision: my depth perception is now akin to that of a cyclops.

But no matter, for I can now write a myriad of brilliant tales that will leave you wet with desire in the first paragraph and potentially disappointed by the fourth.

I rather enjoy the works of such awesome authors (did you see that alliteration?) as J.K. Rowling, Eoin Colfer and whoever wrote the Qu'ran. It should be noted, however, that I use the Qu'ran as toilet paper, along with other religious texts such as the Bible, the works of L. Ron Hubbard and the 2009 K-Mart catalogue. I have no problem with religion per se, but I will probably have this account deleted for being xenophobic in short order. Ah well.

Sometimes I like comics, but only the DC Comics. Marvel Comics make good films, so you don't have to read their comics. Most of the DC films (bar The Dark Knight, of course) aren't too great. Do you remember the Superman series? What a load of bollocks.

But never mind the bollocks, here's Deathtoallbuttmetal, and my narratives are going to rock you like a hurricane.