hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

im zoe n im abit ott lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ye sorry im kinda goin mad...

anyway, movin on

there r like 7 things u need to no bout meee:

my m8s r amazing

music helps me feel better, wen im upset i get my fone listen 2 jess' music (ohsnapitzjess) on full volume, it helps like loads

if im talkin 2 sum1 i always say like, n it gets on peoples nerves

i always use like abbrivations, txt spk, sms spk wateva u wanna call it

singin is like amazin, brad once said my voice sounds like an angels, but tht was b4 he broke up wiv me, so yano, ahh well, stuff him

i love art its really really gd 4 me

im different

im loud

i love readin, like dark romance n true stories i think r best

i love writin, i jus dun really put many on the laptop..

i love dancin--street all the way!!!

i wish love was like a movie

i love taylor swift, she has like a song for every emotion + feeling

i think tht mighta been alittle more thn 7 but oh well :):):):):):):):)

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Did you know...?

Kissing is healthy.

Bananas are good for period pain.

It’s good to cry.

Chicken soup actually makes you feel better.

94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.

Lying is actually unhealthy.

You really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.

It’s actually true; boys DO insult you when they like you.

89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.

It’s impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.

Chocolate will make you feel better.

Most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.

A good friend never judges.

A good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.

Boys aren't worth your tears.

We all love surprises.

Now... make a wish.

Wish REALLY hard!!

WISH WISH WISH WISH

Your wish has just been recieved.

Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...

Your wish will be granted.

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Use your initials or the first 3 letters of your name and make a sentence
Put your sentence in the My Sentence part and put this on your profile when you have done

a=I bit

b=I slapped

c=I sneezed on

d=I deleted

e=I vandalized Disney studios with

f=I farted on

g=I told

h=I poked my eye with

i=I burped on

j=I rebelled against

k=I whispered 'You're hot!" to

l=I regretted

m=I screamed at

n=I beat up

o=I sang with

p=I kicked

q=I laughed at

r=I ate

s=I accidentally peed on

t=I shot an ANGRY look at

u=I made

v=I ran into

w=I told Chuck Norris to shut up with

x=I saw

y=I kissed

z=I hate

Next Letter:

a=the Jonas Brothers

b=my mom

c=Darth Vader

d=that one retarded monkey

e=Miley Cyrus

f=a platypus

g=my foot

h=My dad

i=my sister

j=a limousine

k=my pet llama

l=my special banana

m=an ugly dodobird

n=Britney Spears

o=my computer

p=an FBI agent

q=my finger

r=the MOON!

s=a rubber band

t=my friends cell phone

u=the President

v=SANTA CLAUS!

w=a hobo

x=the easter bunny

y=some kid named bob

z=Paris Hilton

Next Letter:

a=because if I didn't Dizoro's retarded dodos would bite me...

b=because The voices told me to

c=because I'm confused and emotionally scarred.

d=because my dog is my leader and commanded me to.

e=because i got a maramail from the grim reaper!

f=because I have serious issues

g=because a rabid monkey came into my room and if I didnt do that he'd bite me.

h=because Dora the explorer brainwashed me

i=because i was abducted by aliens

j=because im secretly a cyborg

k=because im just a random creeper.

l=because my friend dared me to.

m=because im *Crazy*

n=because i like it better that way

o=because i had no choice

p=because i felt like it

q=because im hopeless

r=because big birds a LIAR!

s=because... because... heck i dont know!

t=because the ghosts of KFC chickens told me to

u=because my favourite pepsi can collection exploded : ' (

v=because the world hates me

w=because i desperately need help. desperately.

x=because im clueless

y=because i completely dispise you.

z=BECAUSE I WANTED TO OKAY???

My Sentence: i hate...my computer...because i got a maramail from the grim reaper

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WTF packaging

On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping".
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary... Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how???)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost"...
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought????..)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because???)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

On a pack of pens:
"One Size"
(Uh... what size do you expect them to be?)

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Funny Junk Section

One day, I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, Then it hit me

Two Men walk into a bar. The third one ducks

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?

If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.

When life gives you lemons, squirt them in the eyes of your enemies.

Don't knock on death's door, ring the doorbell and run- he hates that!

if you talk about me i got some advice. click your heels 3 times and say 'i wish i had a life'!

yea you have the right to your own opinion, but i have the right to think your stupid.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda."

I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned.

"The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf."

"Nobody move! I dropped my brain."

"He who laughs last didn't get it."

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

-When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

-Education is important; school however, is another matter.

I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it.

-Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder!

-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

-Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?

-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

-Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.

-People say satin is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House.

Love me or hate me. Personally I could not care less

-Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Don't take life to seriously, no one gets out alive anyway

Life's tough...Get a helmet

I stopped fighting my inner demons... We're on the same side now!

Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do

Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet!

"Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for."

"Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you."

Your shin (n): a device used to find furniture in the dark

Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum?

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.

High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either

When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

Is it good if a hoover really sucks?

The road to success is always under construction

There are three sides of an argument -- your side, my side and the right side.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving.

The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it.

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Life is tough, get a helmet!

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!!

Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

To err is human. To forgive is unusual.

Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.

Love your enemies. It'll make them crazy!

"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda."

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important; school however, is another matter

I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke

If nothing goes right, go left

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out

If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, why try?

What do you call a female daddy long legs?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing it doesn't go in a fruit salad

A slinky is like a person - not much use in many ways but puts a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs

Other stuff

Ever wonder where we are headed…

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?

Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavour?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

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Ways to get kicked out of ANY department store!

1.Get a friend to push you around in a cart while holding a foam noodle, screaming: THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!

2.Sit down in a corner wearing a hoodie, and shake profuesly. When someone walks by, whisper really loudly: happy place, happy place...

3.Climb into a freezer, and pretend to be dead.

4.[if you're older] go up to cash bawling and ylling: I CAN'T FIND MOMMY!!!!!

5.Hide in a coatrack, and when someone browses, jump out and say: Pick me!!

6.Set the alarm clocks to go off one after the other...

7.Lie down in the middle of a busy aisle and claim to have not slept in three weeks.

8.Find a little blond girl, and point at her while yelling, "Look everybody, it's HANNAH MONTANA!" and stalk her around asking for an autograph

9.Put a mars bar on layaway.

10. randomly put diapers in shoppers' carts

11.Put a dora doll in th center of the toys aisle and wait for a little kid to come. when they try to pick it up, yell: "SWIPER NO SWIPING!"

12. Put underwear that's for sale on your head and over your eyes, then run down the aisles saying: "help me ive been blinded!!"

13.Put wet floor signs on carpeted areas

14. Get access to the p.a system and yell: "HELP dora the explorer assaulted me!!!"

15.hit on the manager

16. Steal carts that are in use

17. try to make-out with a mannequin when people are watching, and claim its your girlfriend/boyfriend on their shift

18.Ride the tricycles around the store and claim your from the company and need to tests them

19. Slowly empty a can of apple juice on your way to one of the change rooms

20. Start a food fight with ammo the frozen food section

21. Hide a walkie talkie behind a barbie doll set and when a kid comes down the aisle, say into the other walkietalkie, "I know where you live..." and retrieve the other talkie when the kid runs off screaming

22. Steal a used up toilet paper roll from the nearest washroom, and bring it up to cash asking: "How much for the rest of this thats in the toilet? I collect it, and yeah..."

23. Whisper to a friend VERY loudly around a bunch of people: "Yah, I took five extra laxatives a minute ago, they should kick in any second now..."

24. Shoot an action movie in the DVD aisles

25. Whisper into your purse/bag: "You got enough air in there buddy?"

26. Make a complaint at cash that your brought your broken roach farm and seemed to have misplaced it somewhere in the store

27.Whenever the p.a makes an announcement, scream about the voices coming back

28. Be the fashion police, and issue tickets on sticky paper to almost everyone you pass by

29. have a volleyball tournament with balls on sale, in the middle of a wide aisle

30. Bring two friends with guitars, and bring a tambourine, and parade through the aisles singing and playing music REALLY badly

31. Hand out missing person flyers of yourself

If you’ve your own little world, copy this into your profile.

If you’re IN but not OF this world, copy this into your profile.

If you’ve sudden mood changes out of nowhere copy this into your profile.(Only one person can cause my sudden mood changes, you know who you are)

If you’ve ever stayed up and read past two in the morning, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

95 of the teenage population would cry if they saw the jonas brothers or miley cyrus or justin beiber on the top of the empire state building. Copy and paste this if you would be the 5 screaming "jump, bitches, jump!!

93 percent of English teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you ever copy and pasted something onto your profile, copy an paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this on your profile (I could name so many people)

I hate pop-ups. If you hate all the ads popping up while you're trying to read some story, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy this onto your profile. (If I'm dead, how can I write fanfics?)

If you love to write copy this into your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block blows , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever been on the computer for hours on end OR pulled an all-nighter because you were reading fan fiction, copy this into your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what Myspace or Facebook is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you’re obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

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333 ways to get kicked out of Walmart!

1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment
3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham
4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _
6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!"
8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"
9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"
10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"
11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men
13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them
14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice
15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts
16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens
18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department
19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap
20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor
21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"
23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation
24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live..."
25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool...
26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it
27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing, just say "I changed my mind."
28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing the Surfin' USA theme song
29. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?"
30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" Then run out of the store screaming
31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called wal mart? Or what's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can't you all remember your own names?
32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles
33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them
34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out
35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it! Or say "You got chicken legs!"
36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
37. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room
38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food"
39. TP as much of the store as possible
40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing screaming the voices!! then get back up & act normal
41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say "The rooster is in the nest" Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper "use this wisely."
42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke
43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off
44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day
45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department
46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom
47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"
48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free... & see what happens
49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts
50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners
51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!!
52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night
53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras
54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items... the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand
55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face
56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by
57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a Mcchicken
59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That's better"
60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"
61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name
62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters
63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans
64. Take all the CD's put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again
65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you
66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!!
67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing
68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!!!"
69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head
70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted"
71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell "ROLLBACK!!!"
72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say... sir or madam... don't think that.
73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there."
74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman.
75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song
76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store
77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead
78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you
79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles
80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous."
81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down
82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham
83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags
84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle
85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions
86. Swing on the half price banners
87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask what and walk off like you're annoyed
88. Burp and say mmmm, tasty
89. Hold Barbie for ransom
90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen's "We Will Rock You"
91. throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone's cart
92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying "Let's bust this joint!"
93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"
94. Do your own radio show over the intercom
95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your darth vader mask
96. Glue pennies on the floor 'heads' side up
97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming 'EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!
98. find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you
99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over
101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund
102. get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby
103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel..."
104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded
105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items
106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!!!!"
107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!"
108. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!"
109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit
110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!"
111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around
112. Grab some pampers Pull-Ups and while buying them yell at the clerk "Mommy, guess what? I'm a big kid now!!"
113. Go into the bedding department and with cookies in your hand lay on a bed then pretend ur having a nightmare about cookies and yell " COOKIE!! COOKIE!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!" Then start rolling around
114. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering, "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..."
115. Go to the cafeteria area and buy frys. Then stand by the door and when people walk through throw the frys above their head like there getting married
116. look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!"
117. Get a tent ( With holes preferably ) and tell people to come in your lair. When they do chuck popcorn at them and ask them who invited them in
118. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.
119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.
120. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.
121. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.
122. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm I honestly smell like isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Walmart
124. Get popcorn and throw at customers, sneaking up on them in an un stealth-like way, while yelling random things 125. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.
126. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.
127. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.
128. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.
129. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can.
130. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.
131. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.
132. Light a match under a sprinkler
133. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun". Then walk away.
134. Buy something that is like $5 and give the cashier all pennies.
135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.
136. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"
137. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.
138. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
139. start hitting on the mannequins.
140. Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up.
141. Switch the price tags with something expensive and something really cheap.
142. Put women's clothes into men's carts.
143. Put preppy stuff, like short skirts and whatnot, into old men's carts when they aren't looking.
144. Run around in front of a mirror screaming "COPYCAT!"
145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you nock something over, subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won.
146. Find a couple. Run up to the one who is an opposite gender from you, slap them, and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!!"
147. Go up to an assistant and ask for mayonnaise. When they say they don't have it, start crying and scream, "Now how am I supposed to paint my toenails?!?"
148. Lay on the floor and do a ground angel
149. Steal their ketchup, go on the counter, smear ketchup all over you and say HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE HOTDOG KILLED ME!
150. Start jumping on one of their beds attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!!!"
151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused.
152. Ask for Goat Milk
153. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened.
154. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!"
155. Dress up as a ninja and go around the store karate chopping people
156. Ride a horse on a stick toy thing and have your friend pull you around the store on a skateboard while you scream, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"
157. Turn a cart over and put towels over it so they can't see in. when someone starts to open it, start yelling "Hey, I'm Using the Bathroom in here!!!"
158. Buy a chocolate bar, go to the bathroom, smear chocolate on your hand, reach under the next stall and ask, "Can I have some toilet paper?"
159. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a dollar, and go fishing for humans!
160. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer.
161. Get a mirror and put it on top of a cart so it lay across it. Get on top and have someone push you down an isle, and Sing "Surfin' USA"
162. When the intercom comes on, fall on your knees and scream in tears of joy, "God has spoken!!!"
163. Get on a bike and ride around and crash into everything and everyone who gets in your way.
164. Pour a bunch of lemonade from the entrance to the bathroom and come out saying someone should have told me where the bathroom was quicker!
165. Steal guns and ammo and shoot all the TV's you can find. whoever blows up most wins
166. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head.
167. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3.
168. Go into one of those employees only doors and go behind some food shelves. when people reach out to grab food, grab their arm and start to pull on it.
169. eat all the ice cream boxes and then blame it on a worker with ice cream all over your face
170. Pour carrots on the floor so the employees have to pick it up. Continue doing it for a long period of time.
171. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg.
172. Start playing the violin.
173. Stare at a blank T.V, for an hour and when somebody asks what your doing, answer, "Shh, this is my favorite show!"
174. Stand on the conveyor belt at the check out with a barcode on your forehead.
175. Start saying stuff like argetrargrehargenstartgen to everyone who walks in.
176. walk around in dirty cloths and eat all the produce lika a bum
177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!!"
178. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily
179. Beat your chest and run around screaming like Tarzan.
180. Throw stuff on the floor and start yelling at an imaginary friend.
181. Shoot spitwads at people and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically
182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!"
183. Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!"
184. Dress up as an old man and start stealing stuff
185. Start a fire, then sit around it with your friends in Indian clothes.
186. Walk around in a court jester costume
187. Run at people with a pitch fork
188. Pretend that you're having a heart attack
189. Throw tomatoes at people and then tackle them
190. Get on the intercom and calmly say, "Attention shoppers. I would like to inform you that the world is about to end, and that there's a sale on isle two."
191. Buy a carton of vanilla ice cream, run up to the cash register, tell the cashier you forgot your money, then start dancing like Napoleon Dynamite, screaming, "Where's my chap stick?!"
192. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people
193. Claim isle three as your 'Secret Lair'
194. Run around the store singing the My Little Pony theme song as loud as you can.
195. Get a giant Christmas stocking and hop around in it like it's a potato sack on field day
196. Build a wall out of stuffed animals
197. Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera
198. Yell curse words at people
199. Knock down as many displays as you can
200. Go up to a random old guy with white hair and say, "I want Bratz for Christmas! Thank you Santa!" and then give him a hug and run away.
201. Dress up in a super villain costume and then go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people
202. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and say you wanna fight? And when he pushes back start to cry and run away
203. Point to a cash register and ask the cashier, "How much is that?"
204. Get a tent and campout with the Barbie dolls in the toy isle
205. Chew gum loudly in people's faces
206. Throw a poke-ball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!"
207. Turn on all the flashlights, hang them from the ceiling, stand under them, scatter confetti at your feet, and start singing, using a Barbie as a microphone.
208. Play baseball in the middle of the store, then score a home run and run around the store screaming.
209. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes.
210. Get a cart and pile it high with items. When the cashier tells you the price, exclaim, "What a rip off!" And walk out of the store.
211. Start singing, "Tinkle, tinkle, little star! In a toilet that's real far! Up above us in the sky! It's weird to learn that pee does fly! Make sure it does never land! In my, my, my, my, my hand!"
212. Find all the beans you can and put them in your cart, and then tell random people that it's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple years.
213. Pay for your stuff with all pennies, and then come up one too short.
214. Scream, "Look! Someone's stealing an old lady's purse!" and when they look away, take all the stuff in their cart and throw it around the store shouting "I'm a terrorist!"
215. Run out of the dressing room screaming, "Michael Jackson has my dad!"
216. Go to the pet isle. Point to a fish and say, "I'll have that one. And that one. And that one..." Keep going until you've pointed to every fish they have in stock
217. Tap dance through the store
218. Change the music on the intercom to Mexican
219. Rip open every package you see
220. Get on a bike and have your friend chase you. Pretend you are going to run over somebody and then move out the way.
221. Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically)
222. Scream "SECURITY!" as loud as you can. When they come up act all panicky and say "This is really important!" Then smile and say, "Hi."
223. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" as loud as you can in the music section, then smile and say "Well, it's the music section so I thought you might like some live music." Then sing it again.
224. Run around with underwear on your head, screaming, "I am Captain Underpants!"
225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are.
226. Go to the toy isle, set up the GI joe figures and yell, " Then it's WAR!!!"
227. Pull down your pants next to a flower display and "water" the flowers.
228. Go to the bakery section and yell "I LOVE PIE!" to everyone you see.
229. Take all the pets out of their cages, including the fish.
230. Grab a strawberry shortcake doll and go to the bakery section. Tell the baker "I'd like to buy strawberry shortcake!" and hold the doll in their face.
231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you.
232. Announce that there's a huge sale at Target
233. Throw a party in a busy isle
234. Test drive lawn mowers
235. Have a tennis tournament in the middle of the store
236. Throw all the bouncy balls in the toy section everywhere and let them bounce around
237. Carry a bomb and make it explode
238. Eat a bunch of candy and refuse to pay for it
239. Go to the in store restaurant and order anything. When receiving it tell them that this was not what you wanted. Refuse to pay and go tell the manager
240. Hide in a pile of plushies and then jump out at people who walk by
241. Act like an old lady and scream, "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!"
242. Pretend to be a life size Barbie. When someone wants to buy you, run away screaming that someone was trying to kidnap you.
243. Take a marker to all the happy faces. Then change the prices. That will start an uproar
244. When a clerk stops you and asks your name read their name of their id card. When they say it's not your name scream, "IDENTITY THEFT!!!"
245. Throw jelly sweets at the cashiers
246. Steal a shopping cart(As in take it out of the store and put it in your car)
247. Ride on the back of the carts. (they hate it when you do that) Run into other carts yelling like a maniac.
248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them ever so often. When the snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!"
249. Pretend like you're a person who works there and walk around saying, "Can I help you find anything?"
250. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it
251. Pretend like you're blind and can't find what your looking for. Go up to random people and ask, "Will you help me find some cat food for Fluffy?"
252. Bowl with bottles full of open soda
253. Run around with a bowl of cheerios yelling, "It lowered my cholesterol!"
254. Order a pizza from the cashier
255. Ask to have your pizza shaken, not stirred
256. Start a food fight
257. Go up to a fat woman and say, "Taxi?"
258. Put underwear over your shorts, get a blue shirt, yellow paint, and red paint, paint an s on the shirt, go to the material section, cut a red cape, then get an umbrella, open it, and jump off the tops of shelves.
259. Take the spray paint and paint all the people around you
260. Go up to random people and hug them while putting a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of their shirt
261. Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious"
262. Flip off the manager
263. Go to the food section, take all of the boxed items out, and stack them up to make a fort. Glue can help. And creating a 'distraction' elsewhere for the employees to handle while you work does too...
264. Drop a pen and let someone else go and pick it up for you. When they do try to pick it up yell to them, "HEY THATS MY PEN THEIF!"
265. Bring a slip n' slide blast some Music and bring some random people to it and kick their back so they slide accross the slip n' slide and scream "PARTY IN THE HIZ HOUSE!!!!!!!"
266. Throw a dance party
267. Write on the floors
268. Pull all the clothes off the racks into a pile on the floor and hide under it, and when someone tries to pick the clothes up, leap out cackling madly and run down the aisles, still cackling.
269. Go up to someone and say "look over there" Then pull down their pants. And, if you're lucky, their underwear.
270. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them. Or pretend to faint.
271. Get a bag of chips and walk around the store eating them. When an employee tries to stop you or make you pay, tell them that they're your chips! Keep screaming it.
272. Spray a customer with pepper spray and scream, "Help! Help! He's a rapist!"
273. Pretend to be a rabid dog and run around growling at people. Then if someone tries to stop you, bite them.
274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out.
275. Take toys and put them on the floor and take a cart. Start running over the toys screaming, "Monster Truck Mania!!!"
276. Climb up the shelves/storage units, then refuse to come down.
277. Take red juice Pour it on your face make streaks or stripes then layout on the floor with a flower in your hand when a crowd of people come stand up and walk like a zombie!
278. Grab a bowl, spoon, milk, and cereal. Eat it right there and tell them you'll pay when your done.
279. Stand on the conveyer belt when your checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase
280. Wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra
281. Follow a stranger around and mimic them. Continue doing this for a long period of time.
282. If you are in Target, say there is a code yellow
283. Get some candy corn form the candy aisle put two on your canine teeth and go around the store biting peoples necks
284. Flirt with the manager's wife
285. Walk calmly to the CDs, when u see one that has Hilary Duff, yell (if you're a fan) OHMIGOD! HILARY'S LATEST! OHMIGOSH, I, LIKE HAVE TO HAVE THIS! (if you're not a fan) Find a hammer, take the CD, gently put it on the floor, then mash it like a madman.
286. Run around spinning and say you're the Tasmanian devil
287. Run around in circles and yell, "I'M THE CIRCLE MAN!"
288. Announce a sock-sliding contest and take off your shoes and start sliding. It's actually really fun...
289. Go up to a employee ask for a application and where it says goals write down 'to take over Wal-Mart' and turn it in
290. Get a water gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register."
291. Take a soda, shake it up, and then spray it at people.
292. Hide in the clothes so when someone comes to look you yell, "PICK ME!"
293. Request that an employee find you an imaginary product, then keep saying: "I know it's here somewhere, just keep looking!" Eventually the employee will run out of patience, so then you say: "You've been punked!" And run out screaming and laughing. (Maybe you won't get kicked out, but you'll freak an employee out...)
294. Print out a bunch of advertisements for Target, Marshalls, etc... Then calmly go around taping/gluing/stapling them to products, people, and walls. It helps to have a WHOLE lot of them.
295. Move things around. (Put frozen food in with the barbies, etc...)
296. If a fat person has a twinkies in their cart take it out and start eating it and spit it out on them and yell, "That crud is sick!"
297. Point at an old man and yell, "LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!"
298. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a fake sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!"
299. Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint
300. Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, "I'm pregnant!"
301. Put on a long wig and claim to be Pocahontas
302. Break some glass, then accuse a flying monkey
303. Threaten a cashier with a candy bar
304. Bring in scissors and glue. If anyone asks, tell them you are fulfilling your dream of giving Wal Mart a Make Over.
305. Buy a bag of candy. Start to walk away, then ask if you can exchange them. Repeat until they get angry.
306. Go to the dairy section and protest against milking cows. Say things like, "What if the cows aren't ok with us milking them? Cows have rights too!" 307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes.
308. Go up to the manager and ask where the nearest K-Mart is.
309. If you see a couple holding hands, run through their hands and scream, "RED ROVER!"
310. Grab a gnome, then hide in a clothes rack and when someone picks out a shirt or whatever jump out and yell "The gnome did it! The gnome did it!" Then throw the gnome and run.
311. Put up free sample signs all over the store and watch people leave with their "free samples."
312. Run around the store screaming, "OMG! HELP! PINTO BEANS ARE TAKING OVER COSTCO! AHHH!"
313. In Walmart, they give out free stickers. Take them and decorate your body with them. 314. Get a bunch of your friends, about 10 or more, and go up to a lady who looks like she's in her 20's. When there are lots of people around, ask, "Mommy? Can we have some ice cream?"
315. Spit in the manager's face
316. Stare at a customer for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad
317. Go to customer service and say, "Your fat vallet guy stole my car."
318. Put an "Out of Order" sign on the manager's butt
319. Go up to customers and whisper, "Seven Days..." and if they turn around, pelt them with Skittles
320. Melt chocolate, then scream, "Free face masks!"
321. Wear a pair of bright yellow pants on your head and run around screaming, "They Got Me!!"
322. Slap the manager and scream, "He's alive! He's ALIVE!!!"
323. Put a lot of matches and gasoline in your cart, then smile at people
324. Run around the store five times, and when you are done, scream, "I WIN!" and do a victory dance
325. Let a collie lose in the store, then scream, "Lassie, come home!"
326. Make your friend that's a guy try on girl clothes and then have him run around like a crazy person.
327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!"
328. Grab lots of G.I. Joe action figures and Water Bombs and yell, "ITS WAR!!!" whenever someone walks by and throw the bombs at them.
329. Put a Dora toy on the floor and when someone tries to pick it up, yell, "Swiper No Swiping!"
330. Buy a fake but expensive looking vase. (ex. a cheap glass pot.) Fill it with some ash and soot. Then take it to an employee, bump into him and drop it so it shatters. Then keep screaming at him that it was your mother and you will sue him for every thing he owns, and tell him he has to pick it up then and there or he will be cursed for 10 years.
331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed elmo's hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!"
332. Drive around in a kiddie car singing the batman theme song.
333. Run around with underwear on your head screaming, "I'm Blind!!!

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Some Neville Love

-Neville needs a Remembrall not because he has a poor memory, but merely because he accomplishes too much to remember.
-Neville Longbottom doesn't bow to hippogriffs. Hippogriffs bow to Neville Longbottom.
-Not to be outdone, after Mrs. Weasley took out Bellatrix, Neville brought her back to life and killed her again.
-Professor Quirrel didn't have to fake his stammer in Neville's presence.
-Neville became Head Boy AND Girl. No one dared comment.
-Neville Longbottom is what's beyond the veil.
-Before Neville punched it, it was known as Horizont Alley.
-Neville uses Nagini's blood as soy sauce.
-Muggles don't know about Lord Voldemort, but they do know about Neville Longbottom.
-Chuck Norris' boggart is Neville Longbottom.
-Neville's patronus is Neville, because nothing else is badass enough to represent him.
-Neville Longbottom is the reason that the Cauldron is Leaky.
-If someone replaced the Mirror of Erised with a picture of Neville Longbottom, no one would notice.
-Cho Chang wasn't crying because she missed Cedric. She was crying because she was with Harry, and not Neville.
-They said Dumbledore was the only man Voldemort was afraid of. They lied.
-They were going to release a Neville Longbottom edition of clue but the answer always turned out to be "Neville Longbottom, in the courtyard with a sword."
-Neville Longbottom created the Department of Mysteries when he got bored with making every damn discovery.
-Neville Longbottom cut off the Hog's Head. He was just practicing for Nagini.
-Voldemort did not choose Harry over Neville because he thought Neville to be weaker, but because it would be downgrading him. Neville doesn't like to be downgraded

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25 reasons i owe my mother

1) My mother taught me to appreciate a good job done (If your going to kill each other go outside, I just cleaned up)

2)My mother taught me Religion (You better pray that comes out of the carpet)

3)My mother taught me about time travel (If you don't straighten up, I'll knock you into next week)

4)My mother taught me logic (Because I said so, that's why)

5)My mother taught me more logic ( If you fall out of that swing and break your next you can't come to the store with me)

6)My mother taught me foresight (Make sure you wear clean underwear in case your in an accident.)

7)My mother taught me irony (keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about)

8)My mother taught me about the science of osmosis (shut your mouth and eat your supper)

9)My mother taught me about the weather (that room of yours looks like a tornado went through it)

10)My mother taught me about contortionism (Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck)

11)My mother taught me about stamina (You will sit there until all that spinach is gone0

12)My mother taught me about hypocrisy (If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate)

13)My mother taught me about the circle of life (I brought you into this world and I can take you out)

14)My mother taught me about behavior modification (stop acting like your father)

15)My mother taught me about envy (there are millions of children in the world who don't have great parents like you do)

16)My mother taught me about anticipation (Just wait until we get home)

17)My mother taught me medical science (If you don't stop crossing your eyes their going to freeze that way)

18)My mother taught me about receiving (Your going to get it when we get home)

19)My mother taught me about Esp (put your sweater on, don't you think I know when your cold)

20)My mother taught me about humor (when that lawnmower cuts off your toes don't come crying to me)

21)My mother taught me genetics (Your just like your father)

22)My mother taught me how to grow up (If you don't eat your vegetables you'll never grow up)

23)My mother taught me about my roots (Shut the door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?)

24)My mother taught me about wisdom( when you get to be my age you'll understand)

25)and my favorite: My mother taught me about justice (One day you'll have kids and I hope they're just like you)

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Hogwarts School Rules:

If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE!

I will not tell everyone that I overheard my sister saying, 'So I was like, 'Avada Kadavra!' and he was like, 'Dead.'

I will not call Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret.

Remus Lupin does NOT want a flea collar!

I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month.

I will not say "Dude, get a life" to the Dark Lord.

I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my calculus book.

I will not sing "We're off to see the wizard!" when sent to the headmasters office.

I will not send You-Know-Who a letter saying, 'I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy!'

Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda.

If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.

I will not dress up as Voldemort for Hallowe'en.

There is no bring a muggle to school day.-(And I should stop insisting there is).

Humming/singing/referring in any way to Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" around Professor Lupin is inappropriate. It's best not to bring up "Thriller", either.

If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters.

I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

When called upon in class, I shall not insist that the correct answer to everything is "42".

I cannot be a Heffalump animagus. I'm now very UPSET! :P

I cannot charm all dictionaries to have: "Gryffindor" as the definition of "gullible."

I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwart's smartest student is in another house.

I will not take out a life insurance policy on any Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket".

I am not to dance naked in the great hall.

-Or on the grounds.

-Generally, dancing naked is wrong.

The Easter Bunny is not Jesus' Animagus form.

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27 THINGS GUYS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT GIRLS:
1)we aren’t toys you can use
2)Girls need food, water, and compliments to survive.
3)Being able to make us laugh is so much more important than how much you can bench-press.
4)We think about you ALL THE TIME
5)we wanna look good for u so try to notice
6)never ask if it’s that time of the month
7)Never comment on how much a girl eats...ever
8)We're sorry, Orlando bloom just IS hot...get over it!!!
9)Anything you do or say to another girl that you wouldn't want us to know about is considered cheating.
10)dont talk bout sex and being horny it turns us off
11)if we can admit we're wrong you'd better be able to do the same
12)The "little things" in a relationship are really the biggest.
13)Don't screw us over...we’ll have you hunt down
14)We're sensitive too...be gentle (and we're not talking about our hearts).
15)We reserve the right to hate all of your ex-girlfriends.
16) If we happen to trip, fall, etc, while wearing the exceptionally high shoes that we love, go ahead and laugh, we will be too, unless we get hurt
17)we will leave if u lie
18)dont cheat thinking bout u all over another girl isnt a good feeling
19)if we think we're fat don't comment
20)For the record: wed rather you break up with us than cheat.
21)we can tell when your not listening
22)we're not perfect so deal wit it
23)when we say were cold tats an invitation to come closer
24)we dont care how big your sweatshirt is give it to us
25)sing to us even if u suck
26)understand our best friends mean the world to us
27)we love when you come up behind us and give us a hug and whisper in our ear

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So maybe this one guy is worth all these tears you've been crying. Maybe he is worth forgiving after he's ripped your heart out. Maybe he really is worth all of what you say he is. But maybe he's not. How do you know? You will never know until you clear your eyes of the tears, and clear your heart and mind of the pain. So cry your eyes out until you have nothing left, sob your heart out until it all feels numb. Then open your eyes and see this guy for the first time. Is he all you thought him to be? Or just another boy, dressed up as the man of your dreams?

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9 TYPES OF BOYFRIENDS

1. Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?" Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup

Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

2. Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV." Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk

Advantages: Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass

3. Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did." Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you

Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

4. Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'." Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb

Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

5. Lazybones - "Zzzzzz" Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict

Advantages: Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams

6. The Sneak - "Who, me?" Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a B*ch

Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages: May be having time of his life

7. Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?" Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster

Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

8. The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but ..." Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind

Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"

9. Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?" Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy

Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction

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Boys need to know:

-not all girls take four hours to get ready.

-don't call us when you're right around the corner and ask to pick us up.

-some of us want to actually watch the football game. make sure you know.

-our ex boyfriend will give you a dirty look the first time he sees us together. it's a part of life.

-most of us DO have guy friends. yo'll just have to deal with it.

-and our guy friends will scope you out before we go out on our first date. [this involves awkward questions]

-and they'll probably threaten you while we ARE going out that if you hurt us, they'll hurt you.

-most of our dads are way too overprotective. we're allowed to say it, you aren't.

-we do love a confident guy. but we also love shy guys that go out of their way to talk to us.

-not all of us like being called 'hot'. 'cute' or 'beautiful' is WAY better.

-glasses are cute on boys. it shows that you have a weakness.

-it's cute when your voice breaks in front of us...don't be ashamed of it.

-most of the time, we don't mean to lead you on. if we say it was an accident, IT WAS.

-if you're friends with us first, there's a better chance that we'll go out with you.

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If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other ladies... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.

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there are different types of men:
1. the ones who are gorgeous,hot and unfortunately they know it just well enough to treat you bad
2.the ugly ones who treat you like a princess and are the sweetest
3. the hot, sexy, goodlooking,nice, sweet guys who of couse, are gay
4. the gorgeous, succesful, sexy, straight guys who are married and occupied
SO...WHICH ONE YOU CHOOSE

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Him
he'll throw pebbles at me window in the pouring rain
he'll make me laugh and feel no shame
he'll take me out with all his friends
he'll tell me that things will never end

he doesnt lie to me
he doesnt use me
he loves me for who i am
to be with me is his only plan

he takes me for walks and holds me close in the cold
he doesnt laugh at me if im not very bold
he's like me but so different at the same time
thats y im so glad hes mine

he loves me no matter what
our doors will never be shut
the good thing is he never gets pissed
the bad thing is this guy doesnt exist

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15 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR GIRLS

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them
all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you
can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to
make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself
types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old
for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even
in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it
means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal

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FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run -- run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "SNAP!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds bottoms that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this!

Well, I guess I'm a best friend. Are you?

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