Funny Quotes And random things:

-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.

-Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

-I used all my sick days, so I called in dead...

-they say "guns dont kill people, people kill people.' Well, i think the gun helps, cuz if you just stood ther and yelled BANG I dont think you'd kill too many people.

-so, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?

-yeah, Im a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet

-save the earth. it's the only planet with chocolate.

-when Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really? who likes lemons?

-when Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

-when Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

-i called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

-if asteroids are in the hemisphere, and hemroids are on your ass, why are they named the way they are?

-the dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide

-your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend

-if electricity comes from electrons, where do you think morality comes from? (Hehe MORONS! For those of you who didn't figure it out...Go me for pointing out the obvious!)

-Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?

-you cry, i cry. you laugh, i laugh. you jump off a cliff, i laugh even harder

-everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable. But that is called 'cannibalism' my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

- I got you a present; it's a CD. I hope you haven't got it, because I don't have a receipt... and I didn't exactly buy it...

-The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!

-When in doubt, make up words!

-Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.

-If at first you don't succeed, Then skydiving isn't for you!

-Give a person a fish and feed them for a day, teach them how to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks!

-Before you critisize someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes! (Awesome!!)

-the statistics of insanty is that 1 of every 4 people have a mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if they're ok, then it's you! (...No, we're all insane. They made me that way!!)

-When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

-A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

-Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

-There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

-Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.

-I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole!

-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

-What happens if you get scared half to death twice? That's a really good question...i wonder...

-If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

-I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.

-Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now

-WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.

-If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so shut up.

-Yes, I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around in my underwear. Thank you very much.

-I don't have a dog... I eat my own homework. I'm not random, I just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

-Please: Don't throw your cigarette butt's on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.

-Welcome to the internet, pants optional.

"You can't always argue with all of the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they aren't paying attention."

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - bitch - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reasons why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (Aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

FRIENDS: will take the knife, and leave you be.

BEST FRIENDS: will take the knife, and do a strip check every day for the next 3 years

FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this

Funny things that have hapened to me

1)I was walking in LA (Langue arts )to get a chair and I triped over a backpack in front of the hole class.

2)when I was 7 I fell out of a car

3)I was walking in to talk to my dad when I just started laughing for no apparent reason and banged my head on a door frame.

4)I laffing uncontrolably and Jacob(boy I know) said I was possessed

5) I was arrested by my home base and trapped under a

table

so have you ever been

arrested by your

I love to know peoples say on things so PM me.

I mostly read Harry potter fan fiction but sometimes other ones to

love

James/Lily

Lily/Scorpios

Lily/Teddy

Lily and Lily meeting

thats it...

I hate

Roes/scorpios

thats the only one I hate...

I don't have a boyfriend but don't want one ether.

I sometimes think that my friends are out to get me

"Try Not To Cry"- Seriously, if your eyes don't at least get a little misty when you read this you have a problem.

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this passMommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

So, Please if you would,
Don't smash this on the ground.

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry and remember how blessed they truly are,

Just keep this in your heart,

For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".

Now you have 2 choices,

1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as
"Try Not To Cry"

2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how
cold-hearted you really are...

Its ok to cry